Show Up For Your Life

hey y'all I just need to check one quick thing so I need somebody to tell me when we're alive so are we gonna go out here just a second or just so I know who I'm talking to you oh I got live when I took the mic oh well hi everybody I'm so glad you're here tonight I want to tell you something when so girls you need to know that this book that's in front of you on the tables was something that my publisher said after I wrote another book called she's still there and they said you know what we really think that this is a message that young woman should have and we talked about it a little bit and I thought I don't know that I'm I have enough to say to young women I don't know that they're gonna listen to me they're probably gonna think I'm old and I'm not relevant and I actually gave when I was writing the book I gave half of the book to Lena to read and I'll introduce her in just a second because I was like please make sure I don't sound wet please make sure I don't say anything wrong that I'm not using the wrong language because let me just tell you as you get older you don't feel any less with it than you did when you were 13 14 15 16 17 but you're 13 14 15 16 17 year old counterparts will tell you that you are not not with it any longer so I'm glad that you're here but I wanted you to know that my publisher actually Carolyn who's here tonight and Jennifer both from Zondervan they kind of talked to me and said what we really think that regardless of your concerns or insecurities about whether or not young women will be interested in reading we really think they will be and we think you should consider writing it and the more I worked on it and the more I thought about you and the more I prayed about how I could encourage you the more excited I got and here's why are you ready here's why because this is what I would tell my teenage self okay that's what I tell myself oh there's a video and if we get a chance to show it to you tonight you'll you'll see this but I would tell you two things the video shares one of them you here tonight will get to hear the other one the first one is the title of this book it is really really I want you to show up for your life and you do not show up for your life when you're 25 you don't show up for your life when you're 30 it doesn't magically start you know becoming your life when you're 40 you show up for your life right now and if you don't here's what's gonna happen when you're 30 and 40 and 50 and you still feel like you're 17 because you will most of the time when you're that age you're gonna realize that who you are then is reminiscent of who you are now that there are a lot of things that are gonna change but there are a lot of things about you that are going to still be a part of you so if you can show up in the best way to who you are right now then you will be way ahead of the curve because a lot of us girls not all of us but a lot of us girls we wait and then we realize that those 10 20 30 years that we were waiting for our life to begin it had begun a long time ago so that's the first thing show up to your life here's the second thing I would tell you okay but you have to really lean in so lean in come on do it just lean in okay cuz it's a secret listen there are people in your life your mom your auntie your grandmother and I know you want to roll your eyes right now but I'm telling you I'm telling you they are in your life to give you stuff you think you know but you don't and if you will listen it will save you a lot of time a lot of heartache and a lot of pain now most of us when we're 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 think we know a lot and we listen selectively and then as we continue to get older we realize that what they were telling us when we were 14 that was exactly right but we had to figure it out the hard way the good news is you will figure it out one way or another you will figure it out I have no doubt in my mind that you will absolutely 100% all the way you will figure it out I just don't want you to figure it out the hard way I don't want you to figure it out the long way the painful way I want you to figure it out and realize 20s 30s oh yeah I'm so glad I listened because as I would say my mama and them they really knew what they were talking about so show up to your life right now what has God already given you who are you what do you love what do you like what do you enjoy what what what do you not like like you're learning about yourself right now but what you do know if you like to dance dance if you like to write write if you like to sing sing if you like to care for people or spend time with older people do as much of it as you can if you like playing with babies do that if you like tinkering and putting Legos together doing things that are stem scientific related do as much of that as you can and voice to the people who love you I really enjoy this can you help me figure out how to do more of that this is your time to learn about you and to show up for your life in small ways and then what was the second one listen listen so what I've done and show up for your life is to tell you a few of my stories some of them may shock you that's okay some of them may seem corny to you but they were not corny to me but there's probably at least one or two stories in there that will be familiar to you and that's because I remember like it was five minutes ago being 15 I do and if there's anything that I can share with you from that season of my life that will help you in the season that you're in right now then so be it and I would be grateful if I can are we able to show the video or we still don't have sound we're gonna try it [Applause] my name is Krystal Evans Hurst and I've written show up for your life so that young ladies can know what the girl that will be tomorrow needs to know today what would I tell my teenage self if I could talk to teenage Jessica dear 14 year old Christine what I tell my 13 year old self choose your friends wisely so if I could go back and tell my 16 year old self something I would say girl stretch as much as you can here is what I would tell my 16 year old self if I could go back in time and speak to I would say between 14 and 16 girl itself I would tell myself listening to the or when I think about what I would tell my 16 year old self I will tell that girl that she could trust her God I would tell that girl that she needs to get into the Word of God and find out what the promises of God are for her life and what God says that she can do and who God says that she is I would tell her to slow down be content and don't chase me what I tell my 14 year old self look boys are great but having one in your life is not the end-all be-all go back to that 13 year old self and worry more about your friends you don't know everything and it's perfectly fine that you don't your mother is there as a resource rather than a restriction and it may seem like she's trying to ruin your life now that you have fun but she's gone before you see she's made mistakes that you haven't made yet and she doesn't want you to make so she's trying to help you God has amazing plans for you but you are going to walk through some valleys that make it look like God has potentially forgotten about you when God's promises seem doubtful of his lack of intervention hurtful and his timing questionable don't seem to get over the hard places that you're going through you've got to walk through them and walk through them with God every time you get an opportunity to push beyond what you think you are capable and you feel the wind of God's Spirit behind you do it stretch and keep on stretching go outside of your comfort zone and keep going outside of your comfort zone that's how you build a track record with God I think the most important thing I would tell you is that you were loved and I know that sounds so basic and I know you're probably rolling your eyes right now it's something that drives everything you do every day you are looking for love in all the wrong and you don't know that you've already are loved here's the good news no matter how old you are it's never too late for you to look and find a girl who's in her teenage years and to tell her what you want her to know right now and what is that no matter what specific piece of information or advice you'd give here's the bottom line you want that girl your daughter your niece your cousin your granddaughter your mentee your little friend you want her to show up for her life today [Music] I hope y'all enjoyed that okay so I want to introduce someone to you so Alena would you come join me please y'all welcome Alena Pitts up here the famous the infamous ridiculously smart and beautiful Alena Pitts okay so why don't you come on this side of me okay so before we get to having a little chat I wanted to read something there is a dedication page and it says for aleena when I wonder what it looks like for a young woman to show up for her life I think of you keep showing up keep doing you keep resting and believing in the beauty of who's you are and for winter this book is for girls just like you she didn't know that so I dedicated this book to aleena you can go ahead and have a seat because and I've said as much to her in the past oh the seat is not big enough for my behind hold on okay there we go that's another telltale that I'm not 15 but anyway I've told Alina this many times in one way or another she has I remember talking to her mom winter when she was early elementary school and winter would tell me about Alina being so abnormal she's like kids just don't do this and I said what do you mean and she said well oh there you go she said well we're still in the bed because we're trying to get as much sleep as we can and Alina has been up eating her breakfast made her lunch and then she comes and wakes us up and says mom dad I'm gonna be late for school is this a true story not anymore yes but I remember her you've always been smart you've always been had an uncanny ability to communicate with a a lot of people your peers as well as adults and then God has really given her some unique opportunities and for each one of them she has really just shown up and done what she's supposed to do many of you know Alena because she has she started as priscilla shirer who's my sister she start as her daughter in the film Danielle right that was the name and so do people really think you're Priscilla's daughter in real life sometimes whenever she post pictures with me people are always like is that her daughter they're just confused she doesn't ever like clarify Who I am so some people do I think they do you know I know well I think our whole family everybody's trying to figure out who belongs to who which kid belongs to who but but she did that and you weren't trying to be an actress no I was not so how did this how did it even happen that you became an actress honestly I look back and I'm like that doesn't make any sense I think in the moment I was like oh this is normal and then like now for four years later Wow four years four times I look back I'm like that was crazy and I can't believe I did that but basically I'm Priscilla Shire had gotten the part and they were looking for a little girl they couldn't find one that matched the part but also had like the same lifestyles a little girl who like believed in the same values and stuff and so I was at a soccer practice one day and my mom got a call from her and she was like hey I think you should let Lena audition like it would just be like fun not that she would get the part or anything but it would be really fun for her to get to experience this and so I went and I ended up getting a callback eventually I flew in to audition in person and then shortly I got the part which was just crazy so well aren't we glad that Lena got the part has everybody seen the movie it's awesome in addition to that you sing I was trying to get you today at my house singing oh and I mean I stepped out with the camera like trying to get her here I gotta be so quiet and I got came out with the camera and lifted the camera but she was like I see you but she's a beautiful voice that God has given the opportunity to minister in some awesome places and tomorrow actually she's in town to be with me today but also there's a big conference happening here in Dallas called if and I think around 4,000 women will be in the audience and I believe that that event streams to at least three-quarters of a million people around the world and she'll have the opportunity to sing there but you weren't looking to be a singer either initially I was not you were not so I really wanted to bring her here not just to say hey look Alana's been in a movie in hey look she's a singer and hey look she's doing all these things but really what Alina what I see in Alina and the reason why I dedicated the book to you was because and I have another little letter I'll give you later but some of what that says is I see a lot is gonna sound terrible or whatever but I see a little of myself in you and when I say that I'm what here's what I mean I like to do well I like to get good grades I like to experience new things and the key is for you to keep showing up to your life I think a lot of us who are over the age of 18 or 25 we can look back at things that we were doing at 13 14 15 ways that we did see ourselves expectations that we did have for our lives and then we go now what happened you know I never got around to that dream I never actually kept working for that goal I got sidetracked not all side tracks are bad but life happens and thank you life happens and sometimes we get distracted from the things that we love and the things that we want to do with our lives and you are doing a lot of the things you love to do my my and I was doing that and we all know about my side track so when I look at you I just think Oh Lane keeps I keep showing up because it's so very clear that God keeps opening doors for you and the enemy for you and for all of you girls in here would want nothing more nothing more here's the beautiful thing if you believe in Jesus Christ he cannot take that away from you but what he can take away from you is the abundant life that God has planned for you while you're here he can he could do that if he can distract you so let me ask you a question in what ways right now because you're 14 seem to be 15 in what ways do you find yourself struggling with distraction being distracted from showing up to your life give me some examples of things that throw you off a little bit when I'm exhausted which is quite often because you like to nap yes I do so if I'm lacking in naps that's just like the basic stuff if I haven't had a nap like a little baby or I'm exhausted I'm quite prone to getting distracted or just feeling groggy and complaining and I find myself like taking for granted the opportunities I've been given and so even that just like missing the pleasures of being normal I guess and being like a normal kid I often take like I wish sometimes that I was at and I feel like that's probably my biggest distraction because I'm not able to do like normal things I guess which to some people sounds appealing but for me it's just like I just want to be normal just for like you know like I just want to go to school and not have to miss school to do things like this and then I look back and I'm like sorry no no no I'm continuing you missed the end part I'm still going and then I realized that what God has to offer is like 10 times better than school or anything else of like the normal I guess and so probably my biggest attraction is like wanting to be normal but then I realized that missing school is really actually a blessing so so I heard you talk about just wanting to sometimes have things happen differently in your life than the way they're happening even though the way they're happening is a really cool blessing and complaining can be a distraction because it can help you see or keep you from seeing the stuff that's good in your life anybody else in here struggle with complaining just it could be a lot worse but the way it is today you don't like it and you're not gonna say enough about what you don't like old and younger like it's the same thing I actually personally I think that sometimes well I know that many times not choosing to be grateful not choosing to be thankful it's not even a distraction from what's coming it's a distraction from what's right right now you know and so it keeps you from enjoying the present so what about social media um is it a thing not for me but I know for a lot of people it is I feel like for why is it not for you I'm just not I don't know like I never really post or anything which I should probably do more often but I don't know I just don't get very distracted from so okay okay sorry was I supposed to say no no you're supposed to be honest why do you think it is the thing you have a lot of friends isn't that image it's a way to like stay in the know and like know whatever whatever's going on what you can also be like a big burden so yeah self-consciousness and do you care about how many followers you have do you care no no I don't think so I think when it's actually a lot more pressure because you can't post like normal stuff you know what I'm saying like you can't everything yes exactly um yes to be really careful and then also like you have to always post something with meaning because everyone wants meaning and you do that you actually post these really long deep journal entries all I post she's an incredible writer she's an author too that's the other thing your name is on how many books right now three three books inches fourteen okay I got a question for you when is the last time you had an ugly cry like two days ago why might you have one sometimes it's like missing my mom sometimes it's a bad day at school or like things are just building up like hi my ugly scar I was like last week is my mom's birthday and her six-month anniversary of her death so that was tough and ugly pride so but I do it with my family so it's not like not all ugly crying together yeah if y'all if y'all didn't know her mom went her is my cousin and her winter and her husband Jonathan moved to Dallas when you were 1 and so my sister in winter and I we raised our kids together so I always refer to her as my sister cousin and she passed away unexpectedly July the 24th so it's been rough I mean I sure I'm sure you had a few of those what has helped you or what helps you when you're having your because we all have ugly cries I don't think we'd like to let other people know we're having them because that's because they are ugly cries our face gets all contorted we don't like anybody to know that we're just broke down like that messed up you know jacked up from the floor all that so we try to hide that but we all have one there's nothing it's cleansing don't you think yes its cleansing so what word of encouragement would you say when you're having your low moments and maybe it's an ugly cry maybe it's just a tear that falls what helps you to to kind of not so much push past it but just work your way through it for me I sit in it I feel like we try to like stuff it away and like we just push it to another part of our heart and it just like kind of stays there and for me it come it becomes like really heavy and I tried to like just push it away like don't experience the real hurt and I was reading through Psalms and how David I love Psalms because David was very like brutally honest and but I realized that the beginning of Psalms is like very depressing and he's crying out to God and then the end is full of like praise and rejoicing so I always yes I would cry and I sit in it and then I rejoice for what is and I pick myself as God to pick back up so I can keep going I mean I was chuckling because I was thinking hey when she finishes talking I'm gonna talk about David in the Psalms and they start yes and someone to say this first of all so you read your Bible without your parents making you yes I do now it was not easy it was not easy okay so what's changed that when you've been like broken or you have I feel like even before my mom I was in my Bible but when you have like when it's your last resort sadly like I feel like God breaks us sometimes so we come like running to him and then also like when you experience pressure and different things and you can't go talk to anyone else about it because it's kind of personal I mean God is there so is there listen it's not too early to show up for your life with reading your Bible in your relationship with God so as a mom my kids sometimes will say to me you know why do I have to go to church and I'm like that's my job thank you and I know I know this to be true that there are things that you that drive you crazy that your parents make you do when you're a teenager and then later you're so glad that they made you not everything but a lot of the things that they make you do you're glad that they made you do and of course spending time in God's Word was one of them but you're you don't have to wait until your parents make you you don't have to you can just crack it open have a version that makes sense to you if you don't have one ask your parents for one trust me they'll be overjoyed that you ask them they'll be overjoyed and then just pray and tell the Lord you know tell God say hey look I'm trying to do this thing here I'm trying to read it some of this doesn't make sense to me would you make yourself known just ask him say I want to know you I hear that it's the right thing to do would you just make yourself known the other thing she talked about that ugly cry one of the things that makes you human makes us all human is that we experience pain laughter and joy that too but pain is a part of the process and feeling it and knowing what you feel I talked to so many women who have spent so stuffing their feelings they just walk around numb there's numb cuz if you don't want to feel the hard stuff you don't feel the good stuff either you just they both they both work together so if you want to cry cry let the tears fall don't feel worried about it and if the people who love you say what's wrong and you don't want to talk about it it's okay to say it's I'll be okay I just I'm just hurting and I don't really want to talk about it it's okay to say that it's okay to say that okay Oh Laurie we got a fancy iPad I don't know how to work it okay so let me also ask you about self-image okay self-image do you struggle with identity feeling like you're valuable feeling like you're God's masterpiece knowing that you're fearfully wonderfully made all of the things that you've told me that you've got a lot of books that come your way that say that that they tell you that you know you're like God's gem and you know you did okay so do you struggle with that yes okay so we got all the books got parents who love you you've been raised in a loving family and you struggle with that why do you struggle with that you know I feel like we're all beautiful women and I feel like we compare ourselves to others a lot and none of us were made to be shaped the same to look the same have the same skin color and like I find myself looking around I'm like I like nothing like her I look nothing like her I look nothing like her especially if you look very different like in a crowd of people so I feel like that you find yourself like comparing and then just thinking like it's something should I look like that like is something wrong with me and so I feel like that's why a lot of girls struggle with it okay so vulnerable moment here what is one struggle that you have about you because you just talked about don't look like that I don't this shape that I don't like what does give me an example oh gosh I feel like the one thing I struggle with is having curves or like big thighs because the meaning under thighs what you you would think you have them or you wish you had them no I think I have them oh I have I mean they're not ginormous but they're not I tried you I can't work I can't wear leggings with like no shirt that's what I'm saying like with no like big shirt over you know it's too much so I feel like especially like for like curvier people or even people who are skinny and don't know why I feel like that's a problem like just embracing the way you're shaped in the way or naturally shapes how God created you do you feel like even though you're not there that you've learned anything about what I mean like practically if there are girls in here or like okay okay it's her curse for her for me it's my hair or for me it's my nose or you know for me it's the way I talk or the way my teeth are aligned in my mouth or you know whatever I have man hands whatever it is like so what do you do what can you practically say to the girls who are here like what do you do mentally I don't know in that moment to not compound the insecurities on them on themselves well you can't do it yourself for me I speak truth over myself so I know Joe Saxon is a really good speech speaker and I love listening to her and she basically like every time she would go out of the shower she would stand in front of the mirror and just like declare truth over every single one of her body parts and that like it works like once you're speaking through the beer like tell me what you say I'm not see you died in the mirror or me negativity right now but what was happening like like you said declare truth what like gimme words like I want I want people to get like this is what it looks like so the verse I'm fearfully and wonderfully made so you literally just use scripture yeah as you look at your body or you say things that God would say about you you're beautiful you're created in my image yeah okay let me just tell you I've tried that whole mirror situation really I do think it works it is uncomfortable I was gonna say particularly like the first time you're like why am i lingering here but there is a tangible connection and this this is like this is not just about image or body or if this is so big there is a tangible connection between what comes out of your mouth and how you think then there's a tangible connection between how you think and how you feel and then there's a tangible connection between how you think how you feel and what you do so many times when we're looking at our lives and there are things about it we're like I can't believe something is this way or I can't believe this has happened that way if you retrace your steps I bet you you can retrace them back to some of the very words you've spoken over your own life and if it's not your own words maybe it's the words that other people have spoken over your life so how do you fix that you change what you say because guess who's listening when you're talking you are you are so it seems like a really simple basic thing but I'm telling you I'm telling you I'm telling y'all be the crazy person who talks to themself in the mirror you will change the way you think you'll change the way you feel and it doesn't mean you won't have to do it a few times or many times or over many years it just means you will learn how to flip your brain when your brain wants to take you down a track that's not healthy okay so boys are you skinning up your face we're doing this here we're doing this with me with you because you're afraid of what I might say probably yes I'm the crazy am I the crazy on that y'all look at me like that I have crate mmm you're one of their you're on one of them yeah I'm crazy aunt Chrissy that's what they tell me because I kind of say things that they're like stop talking about that okay so boys so is it a thing for you right now and by is it a thing is there somebody who likes shoes or somebody you like is it a struggle hope you're not watching just in generalities I mean yeah there's boys what I think are cute oh that okay my gosh there are boys that I think are cute and they're boys that think I'm attractive just like they're boys that you think are cute like they're boys I think you're attractive so well that was nice and safe okay so so basically do they present a distraction for you right now yes I think sometimes sometimes but I feel like freshman boys are just like stupid like well that's not nice not stoop I mean they're like still figuring themselves out you know so they'll be figuring themselves out for a while yeah so they're they're fun to look at but like yeah okay so I guess here's a question well do you know how old you have to be today yet have you and your dad had that conversation I think y'all have actually yeah oh well he had it with me so what has he said to you what do you when do you think you get to date I don't know I think before I can even date a guy doesn't matter how old I am if my father doesn't like him it's a no-go obviously and I also think I don't know what age maybe 16 or something maybe 16 okay what do you say I'm not telling you I'm not telling you I do think though that what you just said is important you just said if my father doesn't like him it's a no-go and it kind of goes back to what I was saying earlier about listening my mother used to tell me she said we we just know it when we see it and you just have to trust us that we can see things you can't see and I was like no you can't see everything because you don't see what there are things they can see that you cannot see it's like magic it's just like the older you get and the longer you live you just can see things coming a mile away it's just it's just it just happens but here's the thing with dads okay or if your dad is not in your home with uncles or grandfathers or big brothers they have that extra special gift because not only can they see maybe because of the the years that they have on you but they're also the guy and they know how guys think and listen ladies if it doesn't apply now it will apply later so just don't forget the crystal said it okay crazy and Christy this is what she said if I forgot my thought hold on I know it was gonna be good to hold on it's gone but the bottom line was dads have men have an Extra Terrestrial ability to rest real terrestrial trust how do you say to rest terrestrial is that it I think some extraterrestrial ability to see things even mom can't see because they think the way oh this one's gonna say I don't care how well you know him how much you like them how cute he is and about the deep conversations y'all have via snapchat here's what I'm saying I'm telling you you don't know the man's mind it's just different and the more you get to know men as you get older and you work with them and you maybe you have brothers or you marry one listen it's just different so if you have a man in your life your dad your grandfather who can speak into the young men that should first be friends then you follow up you probably shouldn't date anyway until you're 21 but anyway that's okay that's what I'm going to tell your dad I'm gonna tell your dad 21 I'm gonna tell him that's my recommendation and you know he thinks I'm wise but trust the male the male counterparts that God has given you in your life to speak into your life even when you don't think they know what they're talking about you'll realize later that they do okay let me see here we've got a couple of moments for a couple more questions and I'm gonna open up the floor to you all so if there's anything that you want to ask Lina or myself be thinking about that question we'll have a chance in a moment for you to do that okay Lina I'm gonna tell you now if you need to think that's okay do you have anything you've ever wanted to ask me you can think about it you don't have to have anything I just wanted to let you know that you can okay and I will answer in front of people no problem at all okay when I say to you well what is your happy place besides snapping and being asleep what is your happy place if I love when people when I'm traveling and I have like a pinot somewhere that i like fine or something not that I play piano really well but I can sing along to it so it makes more fun to sing so like when I was at Chrissy's house today I was like oh my gosh she has an amazing piano like let me go play cuz I don't have anything like while I'm gone like away from my house to like recharge so music is my way of recharging naps like you said and then probably like watercolor and like cardstock paper I love watercolor and making pretty sayings and stuff yeah my whole wall is like full of them you like pins I know that yes like pins so do you intentionally make time for those things like the piano I know you'll get in your room sit on the floor and do the thing but are you intentional about you know what these things make me happy and so I'm gonna just tell my dad no I'm not going today I want to stay home from whatever is happening on Saturday because I just want to be home and do the things I like to do I have moments like I'm just gonna stay home today but I don't intentionally like sit down on my piano and be like I'm gonna have time to play the piano right now or I'm gonna go watercolour like I don't have that kind of it's more of like sporadic if I'm feeling like gloomy I'll play I really kind of I go with however I feel I guess I don't honestly like I'm not intentional well be be aware that the older you get the more intentional you want to be about those things for the young ladies who are watching and listening what advice would you give them for how to figure out their happy place cuz older women and younger women alike both sometimes go I don't even I don't even I just have to do all the things I have to do all the time I don't even know what I like whatever you can do like and it's like timeless like I could sit at the piano all day and like not think about the time or like okay I'm done doing this like I could literally play it all day I have done that and my dad had to make me leave my room but like if you sit like do whatever you think you might like and then trying new things is not bad but I feel like for me I was doing so many things that I had to like stop because I didn't know what I liked anymore and so I feel like getting to know yourself personally like a long time with just yourself like what are the things you aspire to be or like dream about and those are probably connected to what your happy place is um being alone sometimes being means being bored are you okay with being bored I'm never bored that's my I love being alone but I know a lot of people don't like that so I can't I don't have any advice to like so x-rays I'm curious of the girls here who are here under the age of 18 okay all of you raise your hands all of you raise your hands just put your hands up if you're under 18 I'm not it's not a trick somebody's like oh my gosh what you about to do just raise your hands keep them up okay now of those of you who have your hands up if you love being alone put your hands down if you love people keep your hands up okay see it's about half and half yeah so we've got half of the girls here who are like please God leave me alone in my room thank you Jesus and then you have the rest of you who are like I want to be around people this is exciting if I'm around people okay in either case you can put your hands down in either case this is aunt Christie's word to you okay some up some for all of us for all of us often the greatest discoveries of what we love come when we're alone or bored it doesn't mean it has to but sometimes the noise of what everybody else is doing it's so loud you actually don't know what you want to do so don't be afraid particularly those of you who are extroverts who are loved people of having those moments where there's nothing going on and thinking to yourself okay so it's just me what will make me happy being with just me and do that and it's okay because you don't want to have to always have people to to spur you on sometimes I think as an introvert for the other half of you girls who you just love to be alone all the time what do you ever feel like okay I've got to come out and like be with people like it's good for me to come out and be with people yes and why is that I feel like if I sit by myself and my emotions for too long like it's dangerous like I get too deep and my dad is really good at being intentional and making sure I get out and stuff like I'm not a hermit guys I like people but if I could like choose a hotel room by myself for like a party I choose a hotel room myself I don't think that's unhealthy but I think sometimes it can be if you're like not engaging with other people because they teach you things so speaking of teaching you things I think all of the ladies here they're over 18 would love to hear maybe a thing or two that you could teach us or tell us that we may not be aware of in terms of what you think as a 14 almost 15 year old girl I could know as a mom or an aunt or big sister or a grandmother about teenage girls in my life and what they need I know you were not the end-all be-all for all teenage girls everywhere but if you just could say you know what in this day and age with the teenagers I know here's what we really need from our mom's our auntie's our grandmothers our mentors our Big Sisters what what would you say I think what I loved about my mom is that she was very honest and like open about like what she had done so that way I understood why she was telling me like the things that she was telling me and so if I asked a question like she would answer it like of course with like wisdom but like she wasn't afraid of certain questions or like afraid of talking about certain things that happened in her past like she was very open and honest and I so I think we all desire like realness and like vulnerability from our parents just so that we know that like they've been there so that we know that they've done that same thing and then it makes more sense to why they're saying what they're saying I can tell you what some of the mommies and aunties and Big Sisters and mentors are thinking often if they're not being honest we're lying if I tell them I did it and I turned out okay then they're gonna think it's okay for them to do it which I understand that what you're saying but sometimes for some of us that's that's a part of the reality it's like okay well how much do they need to know and so to hear you say that she shared with wisdom that's helpful but vulnerability is an important part I'm curious for those of you who are in the room who are over 18 do you tend to put your hands all up all up okay if you are the tell it like it is kind keep your hand up if you are the I really struggle to talk about things put your hand down okay so we've got about two-thirds it'll tell it like it is in a third they're like please guys I don't wanna have that conversation vulnerability anything else that would be helpful for us mommies aunties mentors Big Sisters grandmother's - no I think intentional one-on-one time is really helpful - and then like also I kind of hated that my mom was like better friends with all my friends and I was with my friends but then like ultimately like my friends now look up to her because of like the wisdom she born into them so I feel like when moms are present when your daughter's friends are around like yes I was annoying it sometimes but like they desire to know like what you think especially for the ones that don't have the same family structures and things like that like my friends are so grateful for my mom because she taught them so much so so was she just around or was she just really having fun with y'all she was just fun she would just like goof around mom stop yes yes yes but my friends loved her so eventually I just gave up so basically ignore your teenage girls when they want you to leave the room I didn't say that that's what I heard that's what I thought you know but I think you know this the what the word she used was being present and I think sometimes as older women you know we were just trying to stay out of the way let the girls have their space and there's a place for that but there's also a place maybe not your daughter maybe your daughter's the one saying mom stop but there are other girls in the room who might be craving the connection that you're offering or craving the kind of relationship with their mom that you have with their daughter and want to have that connection so it's okay every now and then to just hang around every now and then every now and then okay so if it involves food meaning I can eat the food or I could just bring the food no like you if you take us out to eat then you can really be a part of like the group oh like if you see what you do there manipulation and full effect okay any questions for me before we open it up to the audience I don't think I have any that's awesome that means I've done my job okay do y'all have any questions and you can just speak loud but I'll repeat your questions so go ahead first of all is it for for me or aleena okay yes I would love to okay we'll do it after what tell me your name sweetie Madison Madison has all three of your books I was wrong her own sharpie and wants you to learn I just want you to know that nobody's stood up and said that this is supposed to be my party but that's okay I'm not I'm not not scolded by that I'm just kidding I'm just kidding okay who else has a question yes so the question is is why do you like to take naps are you tired or are you just wanting to be in sleep because there's joy and sleep both I think I'm always exhausted and then also it's like fun like I enjoy it and I think that's because I watched my mom do it and so like monkey see monkey do and I did it and it was like oh this is amazing like let me keep doing this so I think I received joy in doing it and then I'm also tired like after school I'm exhausted so you consider yourself a low energy person or high energy person Airy low energy do you have a daughter who likes to nap you think so yes ma'am ooh so now that you enjoy repeating the questions everybody can hear who's watching now that you have a modicum of popularity you like that big word I just threw on you I know look it up do you do you have a way that you weed out fake friends even are you even concerned about fake friends yet it's not my like top priority like I'm nice to everyone but it's for me it's never been hard for me to tell like who's really there my thing is like if you're like in the darkest of that in the darkest place you've ever been like whoever's there like still cheering you on they're probably your real friend which I've seen him play out in my life and then I don't know I feel like I take a while to become like really good friends with someone anyways like I'm not quick to like trust and just like be your best friend I guess so I feel like a part of my personality is also like let me like check you out before like we're besties you know okay that's good that's a good advice in general becoming this chair am i behind or not doing they're not friends right now okay so it's a good thing to take your time getting to know people it's a good thing and it's okay to find somebody that's a fast friend but take a minute to make sure that there are good fast friend any other questions you've got a few minutes for more yes ma'am hi okay so we have a seventeen-year-old Eliana I know who you are asking a question about wanting to walk the tightrope between maintaining her Christian values in a world that has changing values and knowing where she needs to be with her Christian beliefs I mean isn't that the question I mean I felt like Tony Evan needs to be here to answer that question but do you have any thoughts before I say what I have to say you know what Ellie I think a couple of things first of all there are ways that people who believed in Jesus Christ a hundred years ago thought about things that we do not think about them now same scriptures of same principles but the the application of the Scriptures changed with the changing of society there is a healthy there is a healthy form of change in the sense that when Jesus came the Pharisees were doing it one way the Sadducees were doing it one way and he came on the scene and did it a totally different way and they were like you know who are you and why are you changing things up so even within the body of Christ and even within believers with the changing of times there are the changing of application because Jesus exemplified that I think the the question that you're asking though goes back to - two - two things number one it's your relationship with Jesus it is not you intellectually trying to sift everybody else's opinion and make it make sense to you because the Bible says that when we when we try to use our own reasoning we Jack ourselves up the Bible says that okay but that said there's a lot that comes from our relationship with Christ but here's a problem sometimes we make Jesus say what we want them to say and we blame a lot of the thoughts that we have on well you know I just feel and I love Jesus and so I just feel and we water down truth of the gospel and the truth of the scripture because we love Jesus and He loves us and we want to be connected to the culture in which we live so the first thing is your relationship because he will guide and direct you but the primary way he guides and directs you is through his word and what what one thing separates so many people in the culture that we have right now is whether or not they are basing their opinion in the way they feel on the word and the only way that you will know what is shifting culturally but that's still okay based on the word is if you actually know the word you have to know it you have to study it so that when people come up and it's challenging and maybe you feel bad because of how you see things it's not based on okay so what my parents taught me or what I've heard it my church for you know 17 years I actually have read it for myself and this is what it says you know in there there's still different opinions with certain things but a lot of what I see is just straight up people haven't read the Bible then read it and so they're they're convinced and they're swaying based on he says she say and not what God says so he does love you the Holy Spirit does live in you and he can speak but the first place he speaks to you and gives you guidance is through his word so I hope that's helpful if not you can talk terminating call me later yes ma'am okay so the question is is how old were you only know when you first started developing your relationship with Christ for yourself and what did your mom do or your parents do to help it weave that importance of Christ into your home I think I'm growing I'm continuing to grow in him like it's not like you hit a mark and you're like really close with God I think that I continue to learn more and more about him I feel like I first started probably I mean as I grew up a Christian like my whole life my family's a Christian so I feel like my whole life I knew God was real but I feel like not until I was like ten years old I probably like grasp the realness of it just because I could see like obviously God is doing something in my life and then I was able to look and watch like God worked through my parents life and just everyone around me so he became more real to me probably when I was 10 and then the next question was did your parents I mean that environment in the home um I feel like they were always very like open about what they believed in and they were very like they wanted us to believe in it but ultimately like it was our decision well it is our decision so I feel like they weren't like forcing out forcing it on us to where like it made us want to shy away from it like I feel like they had a good balance of like taste and see that the Lord is good and he is good like not so much like because we say he's good he's good and so I feel like from my personality type I needed that because if someone were to like try to force it on me like I would not have it I guess so my parents for each of us for each of me and my sisters I have three sisters so we're all very very different and so their ways are very different with all of us but then even simple things like praying before we leave the house like acknowledging that there's a God and he's in control of our day doing devotionals at dinner not that that was like pretty or perfect at all like it usually ended into here it still does because someone's visiting or someone won't be quiet or be still so and then there they also were very humble and like if they messed up like they would apologize so even like seeing God's character them I feel like real quick before I take the last question so if you have a question get ready to shoot your hand up I'm gonna go back to Eliana one other thing I just thought oh that I want to say and for all of you girls you've been if you've been raised in a Christian home and you've been taught all these things and you studied the Bible you have your relationship with God and you're still trying to figure some things out it's okay to say I don't know it's okay to not have the answer and don't let anybody who's challenging what you believe or who's raising questions with what you believe make you feel bad for saying you know I hear what you're saying and I don't know I'll have to think about that or I'll have to research it it's okay to take your time to work things out in your mind okay last question Raquel how do you deal with drama within or outside your friend group is friend drama how do you deal with it's like my least favorite thing ever I feel like because I grew up it like I feel like most of my friendships were never like super dramatic or anything until like you hit high school and then you're like like people are different and so I feel like I don't have this down like I'm still struggling with this if I'm being totally honest ultimately loving others if you're a Christian like you want to show love and that doesn't mean you have to accept everything that person is doing or like hang out with them because you want to show them Jesus distances like sometimes you have to do distance and sometimes you have to like remove yourself from a person's life if it's not healthy but then doing it in a graceful way to where you're still showing them God's laws that they might take something away from it like not that she wants to like be mean to me and leave me alone like no she showed me God's love and like something's different about her and that may be like you leaving their life are you showing them love and like gracefully gracefully leaving would like show them something yeah but I'm still struggling with that like I'm still learning and so are we amen everybody over 18 okay listen friend dramas friend drama and you have to work on loving people regardless of your age so just know where I kill that you are in training and it is something that will benefit you for the rest of your life we love our girls but sometimes you know we girls you know it's a thing so here's the deal we all thank me for having Elena to join me tonight and just being here with so much fun and sharing so much wisdom I think you're really smart like book smart and life smart okay if you have been with us this long I'm so grateful because we have some giveaways even for our live audience so I'm gonna let Shawn TEI come up here at this time and handle that so if you've been watching I'm glad you hang on all right guys let's give them a run applause one more time [Applause] all right so for the last giveaway for tonight those pop bought a popcorn sticks those popsicle sticks everyone had a chance to write a mother-daughter date idea on there if you have go ahead and raise it up and they're gonna come around and grab those and if you did not you still have time to to write it on there what we're gonna do is we're going to since the book released on the fifth if we're gonna pull a five out we're gonna read them but the fifth person pop the popsicle stick that we pull out if it's yours just let us know and you'll be the winner so to be the fifth person that we pull out of the box all right anybody else need more time with those you do take your time and then also parents or guardians with those what I want you to know cards did everyone write on theirs yet so the biggest part about showing up for your life is having a support system and what one thing that I got out of tonight was that we can all learn from each other the young generation can learn from the new the older generation and vice versa so at the end of the night make sure that you personally hand that to the loved one that you brought with you I would prefer you read it to them because I feel like it'll make me more than them just reading it on the card but right now we're gonna have one person in audience Candice come up and read her cards that she wrote for the young ladies that she brought with her so everybody give Candice a round of applause [Applause] okay I'm hot and pregnant so i'ma sit cuz I brought four well I brought three and then got a fourth one added so let's go take a second so I'm gonna start with Blake because you were sitting next to me so Blake I think you are one of the most creative girls I know and I love your confidence and how you are choosing to let your gifts be expressed for others to see and for God's glory and I want to encourage you to continue to do that and never stop and never let anyone's criticism or judgment of you stop you from being whoever God has called you to be in any season of your life got it remember that i'ma write it down - okay and then I have Chelsea Chelsea is Chelsea reminds me of myself because she is just created and easily distracted all the things I was at her age and still can be now at 33 but Chelsea I am I'm confident that you're gonna be fine and I'll tell your parents just all the time they talk to me about you and I told them she's gonna be okay she might not be the straight-a student I wasn't she might not have a 4.0 in college I didn't but she is gonna do something in this in this world that's gonna be so radical and so different and so different from what you guys are used to that it's going to impact so many people so I assured them of that because I'm confident of that because you have such a great heart and you love people and you are a go-getter so I have no no doubts you might not take the normal path but you're gonna be just fine if that is really okay and Jada why are you hiding come out Jada come out which is actually what I would like to say to you Jada you do not have to be afraid to be who you are your interest might be different from your peers you might be gifted in areas that a lot of your friends are not and that's okay and it's good that's what God put in you and that's how he made you your home life may not be what everybody else's is or what it you know which everybody else comes to school talking about but it's okay that is your unique story and as you get older you're gonna meet people who need your story so don't be ashamed of it and don't hide it but it live it and be proud of it and grow in every area that you can because it's gonna be helpful to someone else and the more you accept it the more free you will be okay Taylor what's up girl so Taylor I've gotten to watch you the longest I've known you the longest out of all four of you and Taylor I am just impressed because when I first met you you were very very quiet and I've taken you to things before and you didn't talk much I'd be like mmm I don't know how to get through this one but now to see you blossoming and in the eighth grade you're about to embark on high school and to see your confidence and you coming into yourself and knowing who you are I'm so proud of you for that and just want to encourage you to continue to take your own path and not worry about what everyone else is saying and doing and continue to be good at the things that you're good at in the car we were talking about things that we all loved and hate it and she was the only one that likes math that's awesome so continue to pursue those things and even if you end up being the only girl in a room because you're the only girl that's really good at some of the things in your circle it's totally great and we need you there so represent us well so continue now I love all four of you and I'm so proud of all of you and I'm glad you're here with me [Applause] all right guys so I'm going to give the giveaway for the five six that we put down remember the Fitz won the last one I'll renounce it that's gonna be the winner so if it's yours make sure you raise your hand and then also I don't want the live people to think that we forgot about you so I'm going to announce the winners from both that Instagram the Facebook and the YouTube live so the winner from Instagram is Robin Robinson the winner from Facebook is Tiffany Williams and the winner from the YouTube is Brenda bassy so what I want you guys to do so that's Robin Robinson Tiffany Williams and Brenda Daisy I need you to email crystal at Crystal evidence hurts calm and we will mail out your gift to you all right guys y'all ready all right so the first one it says breakfast then to Texas tulips and Denton then a picnic so that's one idea put that back in there the next one is having a oh have a picnic so that's a good idea go to the mall and hang out and get new outfits for New Age the next one is go to a worship concert and the winner so before I announce the winner you're gonna win this box that has all the ideas in there so you can never say you don't have an idea to go on a date night with your parents and then also to get you started we have a movie pass for you and whoever brought you with you all right so the last one says taking acting class oh look at that well you won all right guys give yourself a round of applause all right and we're gonna have clothes I can AskMe with crystal okay so for those of you who are here tonight I just want to say thank you for coming in for those of you who have been hanging out with us online thank you for watching I think that if I have a closing thought for you it would be that we really really really really really really really really do need each other and how we need each other changes over time let me tell you what I mean when my oldest daughter Karis who is now 27 and a mother of two I have two grandchildren I'm living someone else's life right now because I really am still just 17 but anyway okay I have two grandchildren but when she was about the age that my granddaughter is now I was so excited when she was old enough to behave so I could take her to Barnes and Nobles cuz I loved going to Barnes & Noble and I wanted to be able to sit with a book and have some coffee and she was old enough finally through her terrible twos to be able to sit for a while and she could look at her magazines with her hot chocolate and I would look at my magazines are my books with my coffee and I remember thinking I hope we keep doing this and over the years this changed my 27 year old daughter when she was in her teenage years and we were going at each other's throats because we did go for each other's throats I remember thinking I gotta figure out how to connect with her again and we were because we were homeschooling there was this thing we had to do which was discuss history and who wants to discuss history with their mom so every Wednesday night I would my my husband would take our boys to the church for Awana and she and I would go to Red Robin we had a standing date at Red Robin every Wednesday night and she was like if you feed me I'll do my schoolwork and I was like okay we can both eat and have a good time so Red Robin became the thing later on I would visit her in college and Starbucks was the thing but we always had a little thing we would do together she's 27 as I told you before and now I will tell you when back up for a second when she left for college I remember thinking what's wrong with me I just felt blah I just felt lonely I just felt and I wasn't the kind of mom that was like oh my goodness my kids are leaving I don't have anything to do I wasn't that kind of mom I just remember feeling the loss of her I remember feeling that so fast-forward she's 27 now and a couple weeks ago she came over and we didn't do jack squat she let her kids run around and eat crackers all over my house they were messing everything up and she was on the couch and then we turned on a movie that you know everybody could watch the grandkids my son's included and I just thought it's so cool to have her with me she's an adult and she's my friend and she calls me now and says mom will you just tell me what to do because now she actually thinks I know what I'm talking about and I told her jokingly I said I'm glad we're friends because you know this thing goes in Reverse you know this thing started out with me changing your diapers eventually you're going to change mine you need your mama you need your auntie you need your grandmother you need that mentor you need that big sister and one day because time is a funny thing she will need you so the relationship you have with the woman who brought you tonight or the woman who you're watching with tonight the woman who's gonna get you a copy of this book and we've got study guides online and everything for you to walk through decide the ideas for dates with your daughter online all that stuff the woman who cared enough with you to tell you about this live stream or to bring you here tonight you need her and she needs you so part of showing up for your life is just showing up for your life but when you do that you'll be surprised how you may end up showing up for hers and at the end of the day the Bible in Titus 2 talks about women teaching each other and that's basically what we're talking about tonight all I did in this was to say you know what let me tell you a few things I know that I've told my daughter and then I want to tell you too and the hope that I have is that the women who are in this room and that are watching are willing to tell you from their own life what they've learned about how to show up for yours we need each other so look at your mom with eyes of compassion listen to your grandmother heed your big sisters advice that crazy aunt that you have she has something to say too and just know that even though she may embarrass you every now and again she loves you with everything she's got and she wants the best for you and that includes you showing up for your life can I just pray over you everybody real quick Lord Jesus in the Bible in Genesis you made the man and you created him but then when it uses the words for women you fashioned us you took some time to make us wonderfully complex creatures and because we're wonderfully complex there's a lot of things we have to balance a jug what the world says we are or not as women what we have to balance as adults with families and work and education and our dreams well we have to think about in terms of the people that are depending on us and the people we want to be it's it's just kind of this whole hodgepodge of things that are specific and unique to women but God you also said in your word not only did you fashion us wonderfully complex but you gave us to each other you said you know what be sure women as you live this life and you learn what it means to live successfully even in your wonderfully complex worlds be sure not to forget to tell the women behind you a little younger than you with a little less life on them what you know so lord I pray that you would take this book to places I could never go and I pray that beyond the story that I've written here I pray that for every woman who has a daughter a granddaughter a niece a cousin a little sister a mentee or a young friend I pray that you and her in her sphere of influence would convince and convict her to show up for her life by sharing the parts of her story that can help that younger girl because that's what you told us to do and each one of our stories whether it's in a book or not is not the point it's are we willing to share what we know what you've taught us and how we've grown with whatever young friend whatever young girl is in our lives help us to do that so that we grow better together in Jesus name we pray amen thanks so much for watching and thank y'all so much for coming [Applause] you

Channel: Chrystal Evans Hurst

Views: 52,811

Rating: 4.9008002 out of 5

Keywords: show up for your life, teen interviews, war room, alena pitts, wynter pitts, she's still there

Id: ZmD8ViWBKCo

Length: 75min 45sec (4545 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 23 2019