Serving Together in Ministry

the Facebook live with me pony and our kids we're so glad you're here we're gonna be talking about serving together in ministry it's gonna be a great real time we were having a little free chat before coming on live and I'm trying to control the kids so we don't have chaos but anyway we will get to serving you today and I'm so glad my family could join me it's gonna be fun right don't be exciting it's gonna be a good time I've served with Tony in ministry for the last 51 years could you believe that we've been in our church he grabbed me when I was very very young when people keep begging you to marry him you guys here we go like I said we're gonna eventually get serious and then I have crystal here with us our first child I don't want to use the word oldest but first child she's here and crystal a little bit about crystal she is a mom of five and graduate from Texas A&M with a degree in finance and I think you're attending the seminary now some has a ministry of her own she actually home schools and she's written some books we'll talk about all of those things then we've got Jonathan our last child that I still call the baby but he's serving in ministry with us at the church and the urban alternative he's a chaplain for the Cowboys he graduated from Baylor University played football in college and within with the NFL for a few years and he's gonna tell us more about what God is doing in his life in his ministry and then we got Priscilla Priscilla Shire she's written several Bible studies and that's writing now you're writing a Bible study right now right and you've seen her in war room and I can only imagine and then there's another one coming out in August call overcomers and I'm gonna try to walk some of the red carpet with her so you'll see me in the red carpet but I'm glad to have three over four children here Anthony couldn't join us he's serving in ministry in Florida but so you couldn't join us today he was disappointed but we've got enough chaos right over here and you'll hear a lot from them of how we kind of serve the Lord together in ministry so thank you so much for joining it's gonna be great we want you to send your questions in so we can answer as many questions as we can while we're on for like an hour and 15 minutes or so okay so send your questions is you could do that now and then we'll get ready to answer as many questions as we can let's start them prayer and then we're gonna shoot a question to you first okay father thank you for today it's always a joy and a privilege to serve you and it's really really a thrill today beyond words for me to sit here with my family as we serve the Lord together so father we ask you to bless our time thank you for those that are joining us on Facebook life today pray for whatever's going on in your life today the Lord will meet you where you are and father we ask you to provide release and provide just a calm so we really can hear from you exactly what you want us to share and what you want us to deal with today we've prepared but we always want to be prepared by you because you know the needs of the people tuning in today and we want to really be in tune with you so we meet needs of those of those of you join us today so have your way have your will in Jesus name Amen amen all right Tony Evans all right how do you feel serving with your family how's it been I'm sure they've been exciting and a joy [Laughter] exciting it's exciting first of all we gott start with you because before they were kids there would you so I'm very grateful for the input that you've had the guidance that the sacrifice the support that you've given because before the kids came along then you were you were the you were the mainstay for both the church and the urban alternatives so it starts with you but then if the kids came along and just kind of grew in a ministry environment we never like forced them in the ministry but they were always around it and so it kind of naturally caught on I think in each of their uniqueness is so it's exciting it's exciting that they love the Lord that they love the word that they love each other that we stay connected as a family and that they're using their giftedness in their own area of interest expertise and and usefulness to the Lord so so it's exciting that we have not afraid we've always done ministry together stayed together been together talk together fuss together they got spanked together it just together so we can we get the wigs I know I'm excited that they're serving along with us at the same time using their own uniqueness is in their own sphere ministry so it's kind of a great combination yeah I forced them into ministry we just I guess had them on my kitchen table with devotions and they were part you work guys were a part of some of the things we did we actually took you on some trips you know had your on the book table that type of thing because I remember um there were so not connected to the fact that we were ministry not even connected to the fact that you were pastoring I remember a situation we were having devotions the phone rang and Priscilla answered the phone and the person said can I speak the pastor Evans and she said who is that she looked at us blank who is that so we tried really hard for them not to feel the pressure of the ministry that she really didn't realize that you were actually a pastor of the church you know so that was great we accomplished that I think and and maybe y'all can say what made you want to be in ministry from your perspective because I you know I'm glad that you are but yeah but but we're how do you how do you say well this is what I want to do with some aspect of my life well actually now that I have five kids I got five kids all under ten yes you know I have let me bounce a question back real quick because I'm just thinking in my mind about having five kids and as I see them now and how crazy they are at the current moment did you have moments where you were thinking whoa these kids have never they're never going to turn around and come around the quad that one kid but encouragement to parents because when you're in the stage of light hours like well my wife wrote a book or called seasons and I think that's the best answer seasons in a woman's life well it's it was it seems that a parent's life and yeah they know this is a season okay and seasons change okay so essentially if you look at it as a season but know that seasons change it helps you to endure as you try to enjoy the tough seasons because there will be seasons like this when they're adults sitting down and it's great to invest in the development season so that you can enjoy the developed season what kids is hard work yeah there's no way around it you know it's hard work it's being intentional getting as much support as you can from family members you know we had help from Grandma and Auntie you guys know that we and - mama - daddy we we included the close-knit family to help us because it's hard work to - to invest in your kid's life and be consistent with it you know so I think that that table is very important absolutely family even though your lives might get busy with sports and things like that I know you guys are busy right now with your kids in sports and things like that don't forget that table if even a spaghetti and a salad sit around that table find out what they're doing in their world and their lives that's how we found out a lot of things from you guys that's how we found out a lot of things about how you felt about us in ministry you know you actually Anthony he's not here but Anthony would actually tell us we're traveling too much yeah and we were like oh because we were just going going going not realizing it was too much you know so I think that I would suggest that even those that are tuned in today being around that table even a business civil life it's very important don't you think that's one guys I kept Monday through Thursday yeah Monday through Thursday we're at the table what are some things you dinner we had devotions and I do interactive devotions so we play games and I do skits and stuff to make them laugh because they won't pay attention otherwise it'll be a fight and so I do do stuff like that and then we do highs and lows and so we talk about each kid goes around and says what their high was for the day and what their low was for the day okay and the lows are never too low so I never allow those to be too low so and we do lows we get up and dance and play around we do it so we do highs and lows and devotions and then we're just talking laughs and so I'm hoping they remember that like I remember that because we all we get interviewed or anything is going on we're all talking about man that table we're kind of mad at the time cause in the shows that we like but but now that we look back we're like that's the last one major thing that we all remember like this yeah I definitely do that we were then with you one day you you did something the kids are taking something out of a bowl asking questions oh yeah conversation starters okay so I I mean my kids are teenagers now so yeah and I have all boys so it's not this gush of insight back to me it's more like one word grunts every now and yeah so I have conversation starters you can get them on Amazon you know they're great operation spring day Spring has some health options but also there are some that are not specific necessarily to faith but they're just about family or they're about school or they're about what do you want to be when you grow up or what's the favorite vacation you've ever had or anything right you just pull one we pass it around the table everybody pulls one and it starts a great conversation right and so it's a way to just get your kids talking which in my case I need help with cuz that's right because they're all boys teenage boys there's a question came along the same lines how is your parenting of your okay how has the parenting of your parents influence the way you parent and you've answered some of that question you have something you want to add and then is it similar or different I mean I think it's very similar I think that there are some things that I do that were daddy specific and I think there are some things that I do that or mommy specific care is my oldest who's 27 tells me that she one of the things that meant fitted her a lot was that we talked about a lot of things daddy did a lot of talking yeah a lot especially with me a lot of talking but there are some very specific things I recall having strong boundaries and my kids are younger yeah I do a lot less talking the boundaries are really clear when they're older okay I do a lot more talking but I'll never forget when I was a teenager and there was something I wanted to do so a group of kids I wanted to go out with and I asked you could I go and I just knew you were gonna say no and you actually said I maybe in 15 or 16 at the time you said well I'll leave it up to you and like that marked me that at a certain point I'm really be intentional about giving your kids to make decisions and so that's something specific that I can recall that I took from you that there's there's a time for stringent boundaries there's a time for conversation and there's a time to let them make decisions because it's better for them to fail in your home than outside of your home so I think a combination of buh-bye do you mind ask you a question no because yes I feel like I get this question a lot from particularly women that are in situations where they might look at the two of you and they're like yeah but your dad was Tony Evans so you know that around the table and had devotions my husband won't even come to the table for dinner or like you know or he's certainly not going to pray over his family or lead maybe maybe he's a great guy but he just didn't grow up with a model like that so when you hear Jonathan talking about what he's doing with his family that's because I saw you right but for a woman that might be watching this right now or aura you know it's easier if it's a guy watching it because if he's doing this for his family that's one thing but if a woman is trying to implement these sort of habits with her family but she has a spouse who's a great man but he's just not gonna be all up in leading devotions and all that stuff like you and so she feels a little deflated in her efforts what would you all suggest cuz I know lots of women like that sure well you know Moses was failing with his son and Zipporah Moses his wife intervened and did what Moses failed to do and and the Bible says and when God saw that he bypassed the disciplining Moses so when a woman can do all that she can do still encouraging her husband but not trying to force it because then he's not really doing it and you do what you can do God can take your efforts and multiply them with your children in his lack until God brings him around so don't let his failure stop you from maximizing your opportunity so if you're the only one at that table with those kids then you read a you you you go over what they learned in Sunday school you read a devotional you do the conversation starters let your husband see you doing it if he's around to see it because there are a lot of single parents to where there's no one around but let him see it if he's around to see it invite them to participate but you keep going because you still want those children to turn out to be the best possible kids that they can be yeah and we can probably suggest tools to a man who really wants to try just doesn't sound like you just said they're tools online I'm sure we have all we have devotions that men can do with their families we have the kingdom family devotionals Jonathan I wrote so you can actually use that devotion literally just read it just and just read it yes and and lead them in prayer so don't let that you don't let the fact that you aren't this great spiritual giant stopped you from starting that's right you start with what you have don't worry about the you know the bulk that you don't have start with a little and watch God take it and grow it and I love what isaiah 59:21 says that it's a generational things to start where you are you might be the first generation to start sitting at a table and reading from the kingdom devotional book with your family and praying but start where you are because you're probably the first generation to do it and then your son will do it so we started to daddy probably started did your family that's right because my father's father didn't do it right but my father started it passed it to me he passed it to y'all so so you start where you are don't look at where you aren't look at where you that book was written for people who are starting o risen that way it was written with activities it was written to help you had to think about how to connect with the kids there's written for young families so that kids would be engaged so it was written for people to use it who feel like they don't know what they're doing yeah so that's that's why I can just reiterate the silver thing I want people to understand that when we were sitting around the table it was chaos it was chaos yeah I mean we weren't sitting there listening saying tell us the wonders of the Lord God Almighty I mean you know daddy was giving us eyes telling us to be still Jonathan kept getting up from the table dancing sit down the table and I'm sure you have it money Jack doing Michael Jackson moves and I'm sure that y'all wondered was it sinking in like we're doing this but we're not giving you feedback that it's actually sinking in right so I want to just say you you do what you're supposed to do and trust that the God's Word is not returned to him void right you put it out there you plant the seed and then trust God what he that what he'll he'll do with it and I actually tell my boys that because we memorize Scripture is I tell them it's my job to put it in you so that God has something to work with why do we have to remember either because it's my job to put it in you and then God couldn't have responsibility for what he has to work with so listing you just do what you can well I realize that kids are going to be kids but that should not define your job and and I think it's important to to emphasize again just thinking about how people I think view our family now they think that must be how we were as kids look I just want to emphasize too that you all were disciplined and intentional about spiritual things but also there were a whole lot of things that weren't spiritual things they were just family fun crazy talent shows know those things not all the cookie from the cookie jar not other things oh yeah yeah we were evolving your sports you know we were going from one side of town to the other I had to go to one side because of sports and so it no it was kind of a normal family you know not the Huxtables yeah I know as a normal family labor the point there's one thing that you said in past that you said we were at the table witching wishing we could watch our shows so the reality is we didn't want to watch TV so arms are closed as a family terms of our closeness as a family yeah we just spent a lot of time together just playing school wrestling on the floor with Daddy so there's a whole different scenario now how do y'all control they're not allowed to do any there is no screens on in our house Monday through Friday oh wow there's like well on board we'll ball up some tape and play catch you have to figure out a way to be creating they get out they figure it out and they get happy that's very good is a gift that children are being robbed of today because without boredom you never reach it doesn't mean I have to steal it from Daddy if it's impressive pretty much I mean imagination is a muscle that has to be developed they don't have the time to do that yeah then they don't have they don't have that there is no TV oh there is no phone my kids know that they can't play games tomorrow night if they don't finish memorizing James too like I actually hold it because they know the verses really well and they don't get it for dinner we try to get together for dinner once a month with all the grandchildren the 13 of Ventura and two Greek wins and everybody gets up on a cheer well the taller guys don't the teenagers they're not getting in the chair anymore they're so know especially for sillas children but they they get up in this chair and they give their memory verses even the young ones that can't say a verse right now they get up and pray or they sing but they do something and again that's just training right yeah babies just talking you all get on this here and do this yes so by the time they can actually say something substantive they're excited about sharing the best okay the excitement has been built in to share before they ever have something to say so the bottom line is you have to be intentional about parenting be intentional about ministry be intentional about your life because it's a gift continuing along that line what if the conversation starter doesn't work with teenagers and think we're still alluded to that your son's just kind of yeah I can't get my 13 year old daughter to talk at the dinner table what things could you do to get ahold of something else they want to do like I'm serious I mean Charles Spurgeon's grandmother yeah this is correct paid him to memorize Scripture Wow so if I know that my boys really want to watch a movie I'll say listen the movies not coming on tonight unless I get some decent answers there because I have teenagers that will say highs and lows can I give two lows no you can't give two look what I'm saying whatever the thing is you know maybe it's this weekend you get extra time on the on the electronics or it's tonight we'll watch a movie it's something that batum a little bit because I don't think there's anything wrong with attaching an innate desire in them to something you desire for them right you know what God does that with us I mean it offers rewards that's right he offers incentives so I know some brands say well they should do it just because I said it well they should we should obey God just because is they are positive and negative consequences to actions and so you want to incentivize obedience and not only demand well 13 year old girl in addition to what you're saying a 13 year old girl you really need to stay at it until you hear something from her I would say I don't know maybe talking about her interest if she's in well involved in sports I don't know what but not just a girl but kids at that age I think I say when my daughter no and you know it's easier to get girls to talk then boys but even with her I remember I had to figure out what was sweet for her it wasn't always an incentive way she liked time with me by herself without everybody else so there was a time when every Wednesday night my husband would take the boys to awana at church and that was the time where she and I we would go get a milkshake at Red Robin yeah and because every Wednesday she knew that she was going to have that time with me well that's when I got the most talking out of her and that was okay great yeah something's excellent you're gonna say something that's all about yeah just I think sometimes with with boys I learned this from my friend Lisa Whelchel years ago she said that she would go into her kids room and sit on the end of the bed for like 10 minutes and of course you don't want to because by the time the kids go to bed you're like I'm out but she would discipline herself to do it I've kind of gotten out of that rhythm a little bit it was easier when they all shared a room but but it's getting more difficult the older they get but you'll just sit there just sit there and every now and then they'll just say something and it starts a little bit of a five-minute conversation before you go to bed that night and that might be a way that you can just be in their little space without feeling pressure to talk but they know you're there sure they know you're coming then they are refresh my memory how did we balance ministry and raising kids that's always a bad message because the ministry is never-ending it's never - there's people their issues their expectations then there's the weekly if your pastor is a weekly preparation and so so it is never-ending so you have to make time for family or else ministry will steal from family okay so you have to create boundaries now they're not uninterruptible boundaries certain things you still have to deal with but they should be normative boundaries so I say the main thing we did which we already talked about was have regular times at the table together and that was the consistent so create something that has consistency to it because then then they will be the family will be more understanding when you can't be there because you made a priority to be there on a regular basis what is a problem is when there's always an excuse why you can't be there yeah so then there are second fiddle they don't matter they wind up hating ministry because ministry took you from them so create boundaries that can be erupted interrupted for emergencies but they understand that this is normative expect that they will have their apparent have their parents involved with them it's the second thing I would say is making time to be involved in what's important to them and not just ask them to be involved in what's important to you okay you want them to church you want them to be involved you want them to serve you want that's what's important to you but that may not be at this stage what's important to them what so so what are they interested in and how can I dive into that talk about that so that they know it's not just a one-sided relationship yeah and the question also asked you know how do we handle all of this stuff with administrative support because we started the church we started the urban alternative we didn't have a administrative support we just had a vision we had a passion you would be a ministry and what I did is I did it when they went to school I tried to interrupt their lives with in those days running our bulletins I forgot the name on the machine we didn't have all this technology but you're literally running off bulletins for Sunday's church and Wednesday's church and I try to do it when everybody was in school so I think that was that the tape envelope oh yeah yeah because that tell me what you guys got to do holders yes and there was a piece of little piece of paper that needed to go in each cassette - yeah we would put it in front of that and close the plaster you go put it in the envelope print off the label of wherever was being Shivani and label them all we had this little system and the guest in the in the fourth bedroom at the house okay and we do all that and then I remember you taking I remember riding in the back of the car windows rolled down in the post office with a big old bag or a box and watching you haul these because we were too little too short hope you get these tapes up so I remember watching you pull this big bag or take this big box to mail off the tapes of dad preaching and that's kind that's the way the urban alternatives started yeah it is kind of seeing this but not realizing oh yeah dad you were living in somebody's basement at one point then you you know all of these different scenarios sure went through before you had me it's been it's been a journey life is a journey and that's why I like that he said I've really believed in seasons you know you work hard in a season you invest in a cease you cry throw season you're wonderfully ever past yeah and then you look forward to what's next you know don't you think it's important to that parents realized there's no perfect dynamic that is gonna guarantee you kids that whatever okay you know doing because I feel like in fact right now I know some parents who are in your stage of life right now right and they are so saddened because their children have made choices I mean they raised him in youth group the oceans around him and all that and now as as in their 20s and heading towards 30s their kids are making choices that are so out of alignment with the way they raise them right and it's devastating for them because they did it right right so isn't there some sense of relief that needs to give all of us that we can just you know do our best right but you know God knows the man you married he knows the woman you married he knows the children that you had he knows the dynamic they're being raised in and you just have to do the best you can and then go you know what Lord that's why I'll stay on my knees and ask you to take some in all these gaps because I can only do what I can right well you know the longer the kids legs get the shorter their wings get and so these little angels can become Devils [Laughter] [Laughter] many parents too that they went through seasons where they where they went left okay so sometimes you just need to look at yourself and praise God for where you are and that brings to the point that you need to ask God to bring an influence in the their life whether it's you or somebody else yeah because God has a million different ways of hitting a bull's-eye with a Crooked Stick so if they've gone crooked then you need God to create a wind to blow them back around that's right and they ought to be but the good news is if you put something in it yeah you've created a bungee cord and when you create that bungee cord there's a basis for the bounce well I think that one thing that biblically that helped me is that there was no better environment than Eden and they still messed it up so you can't the perfect pair what's the perfect pair so you're not going to be able to create an environment and try to be it Grace's is there because it's needed what you know what I mean and so if Adam and Eve mess up the garden right then you can bet your bottom dollar that you're not going to be great enough to create an environment no matter how you have to have the mindset to give yourself grace as a parent because your job is not to guarantee perfection it's just to stack the deck that's it it's to stack the deck and give your kids a lot to work with spiritually right and then to know that ultimately just like you do that they have a choice right and then if they're going left yeah even you always still have a tool because if nothing else you could always pray for them and I think the discount prayer particularly win it but but sitting because I'm learning that at a small level Sylla but when they have an attitude or slamming doors in your house right that's you're there already I'm there did you just slam my door one in my room yo Manny and papi we're talking so when you have that though yeah loving them through it yeah so that at least they can look back and say boy dad mom you were patient well now that I know what I was doing yeah now that all my brain connectors are there yeah how did y'all do that I like that I want to do it like that at least and actually telling the kid that looking at the kid in the eye and saying you know I don't really care for what you're doing and being honest mm-hm but you need to know I love you and you know I'm praying for you and I'm praying you through this and I'm here for you but I'm but but let remind them of the boundaries but this is what we're gonna do this is what we're not gonna do but I'm gonna love you through it and pray for you and then get some people wrongiy to pray with you you know you got prayer warrior friends get some prayer warrior friends around you praying and fasting for your kids though that bungee jump will choke them bring them back you know what else dead mom yes I know you're probably ready to move on no no I think more questions coming up with kids cigarette yeah well one of the other things you did was you know there were I okay to be clear I got in trouble a lot probably the majority of trouble that was made amongst the four of us kids was probably me I learned righteousness by watching by what watching her unrighteousness but anyway the point is one of the main ways I got in trouble when I was really little coming up through school was talking I'll just talk too much talk too much in class I was always getting demerits written up because I was talked out of - Wow whatever and I remember I would have to be disciplined for not being obedient for talking too much for wrong tone of voice all that stuff mm-hmm but the conversation was always tinged with this is what you need to that the Holy Spirit needs to get a control this your life and you have to be disciplined so you can be obedient however you know what Priscilla you might have a gift of communication I remember that exact thing I remember the discipline of it except that it was also couched in you know what this could be something the Lord might use in your life seriously and so and that continued all the way through junior high high school college until I graduated college and I remember asking you one day right after graduation I was like dad I went to school for radio and television I like radio I still like the idea of television but I also like the idea at that point somebody had invited me to speak to ten women at a little Bible study and I remember you saying all of this is communication which one of these modes of communication do you most feel passionate about in your heart and I remember knowing then it was sharing God's Word that was the one that served me up but that desire to communicate Cain because you disciplined me how I needed to be disciplined growing up but you also showed me the gift that communication could be under the control and molded by the Holy Spirit so I just say that just to encourage parents to that the thing that might be most getting on your nerves about that kid ask the Lord to give you spiritual discernment an insight and perspective that that actually could be the thing Wow that God's gonna use there among me story of Joseph he got in trouble for his dream and got promoted for his dream yeah let's go totally that's good you're so deep a lot of a lot of tweet moments I hope I hope you're tweeting these moments because the kids are really very good I'm impressed here's another question when you're children I have a call on their life should you pull them into your ministry when they don't want to be involved oh ok so here's the one there when your children have a call on their lives should you pull them into your ministry when they really not don't want to get involved in your ministry I sound like a daddy ok cuz that you're on my so young or is it a lot of that is a lot of it is age-related because we don't have an age context for that yeah when when kids are young if they they don't they don't call for them okay so that's one seat that's one stage but when they're getting older and they're getting into their teenage years and are then filling a feeling a call you want to cultivate that call you want to offer yourself in your ministry you don't want to force yeah right so if your ministry is is broccoli you know and they don't like broccoli you dip it in chocolate or cheese or cheese okay do it because I knew you want them close to you because they're still in your home if they're still in still in your own so surround it in a way that it will taste good to them even though they don't prefer to be in your ministry now if they insist or not being in the ministry and they're old enough to be responsible because that's where their maturity comes in then make sure you are monitoring where they are using it to make sure they're not being hurt by not being close to you so the age and maturity level that fit into the best answers of that question well I think you did a good job though with our children remember you guys I think we're at your house Jonathan when you guys said hey we want to talk to you about getting involved in what you're doing but you all had your ministries you still do and so I think you said to them why don't you write up what you mean and then I think you met with each person or we met again as a family and you try to integrate what they felt they're gifting was as relates to helping us in the church into the church did you explain a little more yes I remember that's doubt sorry ask the question I'm a jumper my back and I remember that was an emotional high for me I'm not sure about you that our kids were actually wanted to talk about talk to us about carrying on the legacy that was very touching I don't know if I've ever said that to you guys that I don't think I'll ever forget it because I didn't know what you guys want to meet with us in fact when you say you want to meet with us I got really concerned like okay these are adult kids pulling us aside to meet with us about what but when you actually said what it was I don't think I'll ever forget it that believed you weren't right you weren't running away from us or the ministry you wanted to know what could you do but the time you have because you're busy with your family and your ministries and things like that and then again you remember asked them to write it up yeah you know we're blessed with kids with with different gifts giftings yeah and it's always easier when they want to write they want to they don't have to but they want to then we wanted to just take what each kid was good at and integrate it into it and we're still doing that at different levels because some are involved all the time some are involved strategically just depending upon you know all this going on in their lives and their families but the fact that they want to be with us and to support us but I think that comes out of years of us being together so we we always made time to be together and this is just this level of being together in terms of Christian service what would you suggest to somebody that didn't have that together time with their family and the kids are all adults now and they're saying can I have together time my family I'm thinking yes you start where you are you start where you are and then you read Joel - I can give you back the years the locusts have taken away you ask God to favor you with mercy for what lost and to make up for it in what you're doing now that's all you can do how do you support your spouse and ministry without like neglecting your ministry oh well you've got a couple of dynamics there you want your spouse to feel your support but you also want your spouse to give their support so it's a mutual it's a mutual sharing now sometimes this can relate to which spouse are we talking about because if you've got kids that if you've got family and if the husband is providing somebody has got to be there when he can't be there for the raising of the kids but what if both are providers both are working in ministry how do you balance that support because both are needing - both are need to support the family financially that's where they both out there working in their ministries so how do you balance taking care family and supporting each other's ministries there has to be a meeting yeah you got to have a meeting and you've got to establish priorities within the context of your family who's going to do what who's gonna be responsible for what and when and then have regular times of evaluation of how the meeting is going and adjust the meeting to new realities okay because if if if both are gone all the time then you're missing a biblical priority of the family so you can't do that so there needs to be a regular time of evaluation goal-setting to make sure that we a complementing want to know that not contradicting one another in ministry because you can't use ministry as an excuse for family neglect but how do you make that decision once you get to the table how do you make the decision on who does what see because they can be based on history based on what after all the issues have been put on the table can we get everything go talk to your pastor and and we have we we have to the best degree we can respected each other but there's still gaps then I think it's the husband's responsibility to make the final decision because God holds him ultimately responsible for the family but he should make that final decision without fully engaging fully incorporating fully respecting and fully utilizing the contribution of his wife but the buck has to stop somewhere and God asked the question Adam where are you not Adam and Eve where y'all sometimes husbands delegated to the wife yeah operating on but he should not operate out of that role independent of full engagement with the spouse right right my husband and I are ministry what advice can you offer about parents who make time for basketball and soccer practice on Sunday Oh in place of worship oh hello not that you do that but you do have an answer because you're wrong mothers and kids and soccer and basketball I just want to say I'm mad about sports in general it used to be you were heavy heavy uns we're all about it did some sports well it was on Sunday was nothing growing up it would have seasons right it was football season and it started and it ended then there was basketball season it started and then the summer came and there want pre seasonal stuff leading up to the zone it was it was but now it literally is all year long yeah every it's every day and miss once you get to a certain point your kid misses practice they won't let him play oh wow so how do you navigate because really my boys are all athletes so I've got these the older two in particular yeah we're literally that is the question on the floor are we really going to let sports be the governing factor for the rest of our week well there's a championship on Sunday are we really you know so so that is it that's a great question yep well for me it's a balance of it's a bit if I'm if I'm missing a Sunday that's a special sunrise championship game no but this woman saying practice is all Sundays yeah no because I schedule I schedule my kids okay based on priorities so we don't put them in a sport but what if you you're in high school and these are the way you're getting ready to get to your scholarship days and your practice is on Sunday so what sport is that well no you're getting into people that are here kids in chrome school and sports and what is it called the basketball league hey you all of that yeah dad please correct me I just want to say for the family that because I think I'm thinking if it's a woman asking this question and let's say her husband is really pro the sports and pro their engagement and involvement I would just say what's what's even though this is not optimal is there another way we can prioritize worship and again I'm not a I'm not saying noting in church right I'm just saying if especially if it's in that situation where the husband you know they're he's trying to make sure this kid has scholarships or whatever yeah then what's another way we can prioritize worship because what a lot of people do is they just don't go to church but they don't maybe find a place to worship on the Saturday night or when I was thinking of what I couldn't go to the hospital we still had Church at home the whole nine yards we watched a service online we did communion I made them stand up but I'm just saying it was still very clearly a priority right that we somewhere in here we're gonna make it a priority and it's not something we just skip the difference if you are forsaking worship you are being unbiblical Hebrews 10 or sake not the assembling of yourself so if you're forsaking it but if you're not forsaking it but you have to do workarounds for periods of time that's great that's a different spirit yeah a spirit is forsaking versus work around okay because you do have seizures when you have tournaments and you have this seasons of tournaments those are workarounds so maybe you say during that time okay well we're gonna go to Wednesday night because you know if that's what you tell people that work on so you do work around but you don't forsake you should really be yeah how do you guys protect your marriage in ministry how do we protect ours I'd be interested to know you have to keep dating yes you guys are for real about y'all's nice to donate cuz I'll call be like what are y'all doing coming to they're like actually no there's a problem when you could live near you see I think he wanted to show up and we went on a vacation yeah two of us and they all showed up yeah they all showed up and put their rooms next joining yeah this door wide open that's right you could go back anyway but you're right that he likes loves it my family so don't call he wants to know that the girl call he calls you the girl which whichever girl in the boycott if you drop by and you leave he wants to know why I didn't tell me we're what the house so he loves it yeah but anyway how do we protect our marriage we keep dating you said yep times of communication yep and shared engagement I mean because we're still ministering together with so doing doing stuff together so I think doing life together as much as you can is the wake because you stay connected when you do life together but that you know you're going to have times with challenges you have times of difficulties but but if you if you keep the communication high and keep doing life together in the different phases of life then that's that's how you keep going I'm sorry you deal with things right away my mother just said nip it in the bud that means don't wait for the flower to become huge then you go historical in each other now you're not dealing with the issue so when something arises a challenge or a difference of opinion or whatever you have a sit-down meeting and deal with it right away yeah how long would be marriage somebody asked we have been married 48 years reporting on this year yeah that's amazing yes would you were going to say something well just in a real practical sense in regards to ministry well in my case you know Jerry has traveled with me we traveled together most of the time things are changing now because with the boys sports you know we we got it they can't miss we used to homeschool and everybody we just all went together but now they're having to stay home more so it's shifting a little bit but my point in saying this is in ministry there are practical rules that we put in place because I'm a woman so and it needs to be the same vice versa if it's a man that is travelling so you know I will not be in a room alone with a man if he's the pastor of that church that I'm going to minister at there is still no reason why you need to talk to me by myself in this room even if he has good intentions there just needs to be somebody else with me in that room I remember even Zig Ziglar saying long years ago I must have been 21 or 22 when he said that he always traveled he always traveled with him with a man and he made sure that he was diligent about even in his hotel room being walked his hotel room by a guest it couldn't be just a woman walking him just being kind carrying him never and so there are vigilant things like that we put in place just to avoid the appearance the appearance of something negative happily happening so I just feel like there are some things that you and your spouse should talk about as either one of you travel or whatever what can we do to make sure that we are safe guarding and protecting our integrity and protecting our our unity as a couple yeah because the scripture talks about making sure we preserve you know the unity of the family and then how things look the Facebook and Technology things like that people can pick up on anything so avoid their parents of evil you know whether it's evil or not just avoid the appearance of it and I would like to say that's something else too that I really feel like that we I'm so grateful for that we learned from you all you know we'll meet a pack will meet pastors kids all the time who will talk to us individually or together and they'll be sharing stories about you know we just relate because we're pastors kids and they'll begin to share things about what they've seen in ministry maybe they're their own parents or visiting pastors to their church or whatever and they're talking and we're in there thinking we can relate to them we don't know what you're done with we don't know what you're talking about they're talking about lapses and integrity or little little nuances where you know something just didn't have a character in somebody's actions or attitudes and we're sitting there thinking no we can't actually relate to you because our parents actually were for real they literally love Jesus so you weren't perfect I know you would agree with that you want perfect but you did not live a duplicitous life so you weren't doing one thing at church and then live in raggedy at home or we never were worried about our dad you know you were you were specific about when you traveled and when you are away from mommy I'm having mommy with you and making sure that you you all had integrity in your relationship so I think one of the reasons why I'm mindful of it now an extra vigilant about it now is because I watched you all for these 49 years walk in integrity in terms of the lifestyle that you were living off of the platform and that's what messes that messes people up it messes people up see one your store one thing see another yeah it brings a lot of time in a marriage in our building trusts with each other because daddy and I could talk about things that I think women we see things yeah and I don't think our husbands see yeah well because over the years we've built trust with each other we're open to hearing what we might tell each other to be careful of you know so many times we do that well Tony I don't think you saw this but I did you'll see a lot of things that we don't see extra mojo intuition I think we're just born with that and I mean you ignite that with the holy spirit you see a lot lot of stuff yeah and over the years poppy and I have just built that kind of relationship where I can tell him Tony I know you didn't see that I know you didn't know that you hugged that person that hugged you in a different way I saw it yeah yeah you need to back up from hugging that particular person you can greet and actually will demonstrate demonstrates you there how I think you should greet that person yes I think it's a little more what women know women men no men you know and I think oh we have that kind of trust and kind of relationship to protect yes and I you know what Priscilla and Kristin everybody that's watching it's not just about me and Tony it's about his my mother always said that for his name's sake this is about Jesus yes this is about who's representing and so it's it's higher than me and Tony and the kids is that I don't want to misrepresent Jesus I just don't my mother would always says for his name's sake all the things the challenges she had in her life no we all live with reality and we're all over challenges she would also always say I'm just doing it for his name's sake so when I'm communicating your dad or communicate with anybody in ministry I'm thinking this is higher than you and me this is a high high responsibility a high calling a high privilege but we have to be responsible yeah and I was just gonna say - that's listening to you talk it stresses to me the importance of their being older more seasoned women that are willing to say this kind of hard stuff yeah the younger women that need to be more vigilant about our integrity about the way our appearances are whether it's and what we're dressing how we're dressing or how we're relating to the the male leadership at a church I remember this is what was running through my mind as I was listening to you talk mom but co-pastor Suzie Owens she's in her 70s now a beautiful woman and I remember her saying one time to a group a small group of women in ministry who were gathered to listen to her talk about being in ministry and she said the most practical thing she said when you are at someone's church and you're in ministry she said a lot of times the room that you're using before the you go to there's not a green room you're a pastor's office though so she said you need to be careful not to leave one trace of your being in that man's office you need to be mindful of his wife if you opened up a package of pantyhose don't leave that package in the trash can don't leave traces of you in another man's mmm you know but hearing an older woman's I hadn't really thought of it in that way during an older woman willing to say some practical stuff like that it really just it grips us yeah it makes us more mindful when there are women that have walked the journey longer willing to say here's what you need to be mindful of but you might not have thought of so and I think in ministry we do be mindful like I said earlier that this is about him right right like you said even when you go to the pastor's office and you're changing your stockings it's about him how is this gonna look when I walk out of here so I think what do what do you what do I need to be mindful of okay you know what what is it what would a woman say a man needs to be mindful of because you all know women and sometimes we're not paying attention so what you need to be mindful of about how about--how relating to you or relating to them yes about the things we're not mindful of that you see like you cuz we're you know one guy told me you know you never you never give another woman and an open hug like it's always to the side you're never opened myself up like that it sounds good I've never thought about that just a friendly yeah I guess because in in someone's mind it may be an opening that's a great hug yeah you know that he just get you know I don't know Jewish and we're just not thinking that way so I didn't know if there was other things that you would say to your husband like these are the things that you need to think about as it relates to women because you know one of my professor said you know David didn't fall until he got high up you don't fall into Europe oh you know what I mean and so the higher you climb in ministry and the more God takes you up is the more careful that you have to be agent so and so you know as ministry continues to climb and continues to develop I want to know that too because you always have to know that they if you're up your you can follow yeah yeah you know so and if the hard right the Holy Spirit tells you don't ignore it right I think a lot of people ignore that it's really the Holy Spirit talking to them they have that sense of oh I shouldn't do that or shouldn't do that but no I'm the pastor I'm the bishop or you know the first lady and it's not about that is the Holy Spirit just put you in check back up mm-hmm so we need to be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit he speaks all the time but he's not allowed and boisterous but he speaks all the time and we need to listen so do you remember anything that you told daddy oh yeah good hugs I mean what I'm just trying to figure out yes I did and I still do oh yes and I still do um one one situation I remember how would you know that he has an open-door policy I can walk in any time even when he has meetings and things I got a call any time and so I went into his office and it was just this lady's back again you know what is wrong with your marriage that you're back for months on end but back at work yeah the same person for counseling and then one time I came and she wasn't dressed appropriately not in my opinion things were a little too low you know and then he was just come from the way counselor yes daddy no yeah would you do that with your door open or you have miss Sylvia yeah well because we trust each other I told him ah you know and most times when I come as the same lady do you think she's had enough counseling so I put in a question for him you know coz that he's a wise man and he say I'm from the Lord to do you think she's got me enough Cumpston do you think she needs to see somebody else because I tell you why Tony I don't like how she's dressing now she was dressing fine before the but the dressing is not appropriate at all and then still don't mess with Lois because I remember one day this might be the same lady I don't know but there was a picture that she gave daddy if the two of them she had kind of jumped in a picture with dad and then framed the picture and sent it as a gift yeah they thank you or whatever yes same lady Lois saw that picture I just saw that the whole situation in the trash [Laughter] no you have to be vigilant about it so I think one of the things to just it's it seems minor but I think it's a major major thing is you know even the way that you're talking about how you talk to each other the the open-door policy that that you're gonna pick up the phone with mommy calls I think even those things are protective mechanisms because it communicates to her or to each other priority and to other people that they you know and so I've heard you even in meetings dead you know give deference to something mom says or to bring her into a meeting and you know saying well I mean I want everyone to hear what my wife has to say on this topic you know so it's it's not just a protective like what do we do to stay together it's showing other people you're together yeah and then representing that that's a protective mechanism yes how do you work to conflicts and differences of opinions we share some of them but how do you work through conflicts and differences of opinions in your relationship in marriage and ministry I go to bed still likes to sleep you still have to sleep oh yeah normally normally I'm realizing now with me and kanika that it's not that one of one of us is wrong is that both of us are right we're just different yeah and so I've got a I've got to listen active listening be patient and then sometimes I'll just have to go away and just think about what she's saying for a while and I have to go away and basically calm down because we're not on the same page and I'm frustrated that we're not on the same page and I really feel like my page is the right page to be on she feels like her page is the right page to be on but normally you know it's both pages it's both pages and both pages are well read you just have to you just have to be able to take in what the other person saying so if I go away and calm down and I'm not thinking emotionally but thinking rationally then usually what she says can be implemented in at least implemented in what I want to do so that we're both on one Accord and where we're going and so it takes me China just going away and sitting down for a second okay that's true that there two rights a wrong and a right yeah but when the two rights aren't being presented in the in sequence it can look like conflict so you have to look you have to look to ask the question is there a meeting here of these two points right that would would bring into both considerations both perspective and have to keep in mind then when you're emotional you're not listening well which is what I was going to do as the as the wife side of that I've had to learn to come in trying to state what I need to state without emotion or without a necessary emotion and to do it in a way where I'm giving my husband time to think about it as a part of the frustration is I just want to solve it quickly process right so so to set myself up for success by saying I'm gonna go in here and be okay walking away from this conversation no without resolution has to be a time for process because y'all are processing while we're not yes yeah and you're talking about today but you're thinking about five years from now and five years yesterday and I'm like what are you talking about when you think you're thinking about today what is beginning well yes but I'm thinking about how we do today affects the Domino's like I can see all the Domino's that fall but how do you pre know how the girls are gonna bills cuz that's the way we made that's the way we made although she's to the extreme of that brilliant I can accept that [Laughter] nicely without saying that yeah but you were too exploited all right now what do you do when your relationship I'm helping like we're having on a healthy moment right now we're doing relations on energy relations yes margins on healthy relationship but there's still work to do in a ministry so what are you doing the work okay some keep working no because you can't depends on well yeah I'd have to step away like there okay that depends on what it is together what it is right pens on but to see sometimes things get worse because you didn't get help right okay so it depends on what it is and it depends on it because when you say step away if you talk about a pastor dizzy does it quit that way what is the issue and who can help guide us through this since we can't guide each other through so I think that's what you have to do and a lot of times the sad reality is is today a lot of women are dragging their men to get help minimalist they don't do it they don't they don't want help which is actually the reason why you need help like that so so a lot of times women are having to drag their husbands so men need to mature up to a level to understand that that we need help and so it'd be nice if we were the one saying you know what we're not doing well right now we need help but but here's the other side of that yes absolutely and and you said step away I think the the the issue is being willing to step away being willing like basically the attitude that I'm willing to do whatever it takes and for the wife whose husband is not willing to do whatever it takes she still needs to be able to do she needs to do whatever it takes for her so he won't go get counseling go get counseling like if you won't go you still have to I think you still have to use the function and seek your healing even if he doesn't want to seek it with you okay so it's a it's a I'm here for it I'm all the way we both party to be willing to do whatever it takes even step away take a sabbatical like explore those kinds of options depending on how bad this equation or three thing in but but it's he won't step away and it's you're dying then go get the counseling by yourself how do you guess that's good I'd like it's very good advice what do you how do you advise a single woman that's trying to make her son work with her son to become a kingdom man oh you would encourage her just to do what she can do oh and expose him okay two men who would model for him the kind of man that you were wanting him to become whether that's in church whether that's a godly relative okay expose him to males why do you do what you can in an area of his interest okay because then then I'm gonna pay attention because because when it came to football being around and being exposed to the Tony Dungy 's and you know when they would come around I'd go yeah Tony you know what I mean so because that was my thing yeah but then they were also Kingdom men tonight so then I'm really paying attention what do you tell a couple of seven financial struggles well first of all make sure you get back to handling a budget in a biblical way because if you're out of sync with God's principles of finance then then you're not getting God's help to deal with his situations and that's financial counseling spouse wants to have a budget but the other one is totally disregarding it so it just seems fruitless on the other ones part because their partner's not they're just spending the money a lot of us disunity on all these different issues that usually is reflective of something deeper that they're not willing to plan together to handle the roof so that so you what what I'm hearing is a marriage problem applied to finances so I think there's a deeper issue that you have to talk about if you're going if you're pulling each other on the water I think you said something powerful to me in kanika before we got married and that was you said I'll never forget you said kanika I forgot what the issue was but you say Kenickie you need to loosen up and Jonathan you need to tighten up I mean you just you just need to meet in the middle to where because she's when it comes to money she's she's not spending anything she's got coupons she's trying to say she said she'll call me I saved two dollars today I'm like great man but that's great because you know she thinks that way where I'm thinking more you know I'll spend money on entertainment or just to have fun or something like that responsibly not irresponsible but we just spin differently for different reasons yeah but what you said we always think about is that our budget is not maybe not as tight as she would want it to look because to me that would be too restrictive you know so but we do have one but it's just a little bit it has a little bit so I think doing that is what helped yes definitely good good answers I can't believe we're out of time though so I'm gonna run through some announcements then I want you guys to talk about what's going on in your life and ministry so we want to take some time for that you heard the word I've mentioned a whole lot through in this session that we've had today about seasons in life and I wrote a book years ago it's kind of like an evergreen now because it's been from a long time both seasons but Ecclesiastes talks about it so life is just seasonal so we've also done a Bible study because it's so important for me to encourage women that wherever you are in life right now really really really this tool pass and so my book is an encouraging book but now we have a Bible study so go online and get that Bible study and shirt study by yourself or maybe the women in your church or just a small group in your neighborhood and you can find it at Lois Evans dot org slash seasons ceases a woman's life Bible study sign up today it's got like ten lessons and each lesson has questions to guide you in studying on your own okay so I'm excited about that and then we've got fasters wives that are listening today I hope you join us we've got a Facebook network group just for you it's closed just for pastors wives so again you could find that by going to Facebook and look for my name Lois Evans and join over 1,600 of us girls and women in this group that pray for each other encourage each other network with each other now some of you ladies are meeting across state lines or in your state and physically networking and I'm so excited about that because that's a part of my vision for pastors wives to get together where they are and network meet pray encourage each other and just have a sisterhood kind of relationship so again go online to Facebook and look for my name and join our Facebook network group and become a part of this group where proverbs said we need to be iron sharpening iron so it's very important ministry was not meant for you and I to live in it alone so I encourage you to do that and then I've got something exciting happening in 2020 then I want you to save the date and I want you to put in your calendar and actually come and bring your friends with you again this is for pastors wives we're gonna have a cruise we're gonna have a pastor's wife screws in 2020 February let me get the dates February 22nd to 29 so go to your calendar right now save the date go online again louis evans dot org slash cruise and there's information there for you but i want you to join me and once several of you have come to the first lady's conference for years and we've explored that season of ministry and now we're ministering by means of the websites by these are technology so many of you have met each other when we were having that season of conference ministry so i want you to come and join us so we can kind of reconnect and also have a time to rest and relax and i've got a team of women that are familiar to you that are gonna be ministering priscilla showers gonna be ministering crystal hearse is gonna be ministering mayor the shepherd debbie titus dr. gloria mars rota gonzales and then our musical guests is going to be carol and trailer so it's gonna be a great great time on the high seas again save the date february 22 through 29 2020 and you can get information about that today but i'm so happy today to have my guests join me but i want you to talk about things that you are doing in your ministry that you want to highlight at this time okay we have a book called pathways and this book called pathways it comes now with a Bible study and it is from Providence to purpose how God takes what looks like coincidences and stitches them together to bring you to your place of destiny for your good and His glory so pathways that's the the newest book along with the Bible study for small groups in and so that's out now and you can get that in Tony Evans dot org but we also have a great event coming up in theatres all around the country called Kingdom men rising and it's calling on men to biblical manhood and it'll be in theaters on April 29th and 30th and the theater near you and so you hear about that it's it's it's it's it's a national call we've got great great folks who gonna be part of this docudrama and and I'm part of it so I think you're gonna be excited ladies to insist that your men come you can come with them to to look at this this this hour-and-a-half film in theatres called Kingdom men rising great April 29 to 30 April 29 and 38 okay and I we're proud of our kids the Lord is really using them all in ministry that's why Anthony's not here today he's actually ministering in Florida as I said earlier so we want him to share some highlights from your ministry well I still worry about a year ago wrote a book called she's still there and it's so awesome but we've redone that and made a version of that for teenagers so that will be available on February the fifth and it's called show up for your life so show up for your life will be available for teenagers and then the other thing is Anthony and I are actually going on tour with she's still there okay and that will be happening this late February and in March and so wow we can just go to my website Krystal Evans Hurst comm click on the speaking button and find all of my speaking engagements but she's still there tour with Anthony that's coming up as well that's exciting Wow you could have a mom come come join you guys are you doing by bus you said tour where yes its mm-hmm don't be surprised just keep me a one of the beds bunk beds Jonathan what's happened in your life oh my god I started a podcast so get on your podcast apps and check it out just type in my name Jonathan Evans and and hear me talk I think Oh get something out of it it's very good no and then I have a youtube family of ministry series that I put out so if you go on YouTube and subscribe or you go to my Instagram look at Instagram TV but it subscribe to my youtube channel because we put out just real life the stuff that we talked about we're filming inside of my family what we do at the table and it's just real life we're not like a reality it's just like a little reality show but it shows ministry it shows family and so I think that you'll enjoy it and get a lot of ideas from that and so those are the two major things that I have going on and sorry I'm the Chapel of the Cowboys all you Cowboys fans out there almost maybe next year yeah but the Mavericks - aren't you members - yeah you're busy busy busy and Priscilla Shar what's new we have any simulcast event coming up so it's called is going beyond live and so we'll be simulcasting everywhere actually all over the world I'm coming up this spring so that's one thing and then we have awaken which is just a gathering across denominations and churches and cultures that meets in Dallas a couple times a year and so we're doing that this spring and in the fall as well so and everything is online go to be on ducked come come all right anything else you guys want ahead yes we love y'all we love you missing Anthony oh well thanks for joining me today it's been really a thrill good to have you here in this kind of format than this kind of settings all right and not a wrong the dining room table so I'm whatever heaviness oh yeah you got a good job as usual absolute a second nature for you anyway you guys are on yeah I know this kind of that's the word thanks Jonathan on a regular basis so great thanks for being here and I hope you had a wonderful time I hope you enjoyed our time today I hope you were able to glean something that helps you and your family because that's what ministry is all about we're all about making sure we represent him as I said earlier and also making sure that we really are helping you in your walk and your journey with the Lord and you're walking journey here in life period so thanks for giving us the opportunity thanks for giving us the privilege it's truly truly a joy and again for pastors wives join me on Facebook network group and again sign up for that cruise and don't forget that Bible study all right tell me why don't you go celebrate okay let's break father thank you for my wife Lois and her burden for pastors wives and for women and we just pray that you will remember those ladies particularly who are watching now who need encouragement and need support and would support them meet them at their point of need thank you for my family my children and the fact that we can be together thank you for preserving our hearts and lives and we just pray that you will be glorified through this event and others that will seek to amplify our great God and his great kingdom in Jesus name Amen amen thank you all very much thank you you

Channel: Lois Evans - Pastors' Wives Ministry

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Length: 76min 0sec (4560 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 26 2019