Raising Daughters in God’s Wisdom - Jonathan and Wynter Pitts

hi I'm Jim Daly before we start today's program I wanted to give a brief explanation of what you're about to see in here we often pre-record our focus on the family broadcast discussion sometimes months in advance that was the case with today's show recently we had the privilege of interviewing Jonathan and winter Pitts in our studio here in Colorado Springs Jonathan is the executive pastor at church in the city in Franklin Tennessee winter was an author blogger and the founder of the magazine titled for girls like you she was also the niece of our good friend dr. Tony Evans Jonathan and winter previously served with dr. Evans at the Urban alternative ministry we recorded this conversation in May of 2018 some weeks later in July winter was unexpectedly called home to be with the Lord her passing rocked the Christian community and of course Jonathan and therefore precious young daughters winter was a young vibrant woman and a loving wife and mother she spoke life and truth into young girls hearts and had a passion for guiding them into a personal relationship with Christ as you'll see during our interview with winter in Jonathan they offered great insight into raising daughters and passing along a solid faith you'll also notice that they were real and honest about who they are sometimes parenting can be messy but when everything is wrapped up what matters is the legacy you leave in and through your children for winter passing that torch came sooner than any of us expected her legacy is carried now through her four girls Elena Caitlin Cameron and Olivia we present this broadcast today in winters honor and we hope that her words and her example will inspire all of us as parents to love our children well because we never know what tomorrow will bring thank you for joining us still just came in my room because she just wanted to be with me and it just reminded me that that's that's what our kids need they don't they don't always need our performance or our perfection or for us to be teaching them or showing them something she just they just like being with us welcome to the focus on the family broadcast helping families thrive alright so describe your four girls how old are they our girls are Alina is 14 years old so we have our first team Caitlyn is 11 and then we have twin 9 year olds oh my oh girl pretty tight oh yeah we have a Yorkie food and he's a boy I was gonna say usually it is a girl dog or a girl cat I mean it's funny but you went with you needed some companionship right when you first found out you were going to have a baby you called Jonathan winter to tell him and what was he doing at the time this is gonna out you right away but all guys are gonna love this what was he doing he was he was golfing on the golf course and I called him and you know we weren't planning to get pregnant and we had reason we were really just married just a couple months and so I called him kind of in shock and and I just told him and he's like wow like okay I'll you know I'll see you when I finish this round so how did that make you feel what was the discussion like when he got home you know why I left the golf course early so that somebody holds I think he isn't playing the Hat but what is it not but you know really I remember sitting there on the couch and just thinking like we are so not ready for this oh yeah at least one of us is not ready for this that's amazing so paint us that picture of the household with girls I mean I've got two boys so Jon you got to jump in I listen to the x-rays your but what is that like having four girls running around probably the bathroom fight is a big one yep bathroom clothes clothes really anything you can think of that they either share or somebody maybe breathing harder than the other one wants them to and then that leads to some emotion and tears and yes it's it's a volatile atmosphere it's a good I mean where is that positive aspect oh it's beautiful oh yes beautiful I love it I love every day I've loved every day that I've parents of my girls but it is it's like living in chaos with four of them I think specifically so yeah there's a lot of fun so you can go from tears to laughter in a matter of seconds and back to tears everything's just kind of an extreme high so the extreme joy extreme passion extreme giggles like extreme love like they you know just Daddy like chanting they never really chant for me but and then they and then it just goes extreme emotional like how could you do that to me talk about God and his relationship with you and how that plays out in your parenting of the daughters you know I would say you know having my daughters has been I think the most vivid and eye-opening experience in really understanding the heart of God because I've had to learn what it looks like to love and what it looks like to be patient and what it looks like to be kind at a time where I've not wanted to be patient or kind or loving and it's so it's it's just the reality of like what generosity and what graciousness looks like and what God's done for me I can easily see it with my girls and the fact the matter is I've you know we've been made to do it so it's it's been a learning experience and like oh wow that's what you were doing with me God all along yeah you have a story winter about your daughter Kaitlin you kind of set the standard for your relationship or her relationship with the Lord it's something to do with the puzzle Katy's a middle girl and she is just a ball of she's only the one that it just kind of brings everybody back just the life of the party always joyful just very happy and and she's in the middle so it's just it's just great to have her kind of bounce in everybody out but when she was just a little thing she was putting together a puzzle and I remember I was like doing laundry just getting the house stuff together and she called me to say call me I was like mommy you know look I can put this puzzle together really fast and so I'm like okay like give me a second so I'll go over an hour watch her and she just like flips it over without taking any of the pieces okay so she's pretty smart one of those wood puzzles yeah and just flipped it over and then you know flipped it all the pieces were right there to get this what she did do it super fast and I'm I remember having an internal debate with myself because I'm like do I just cheer her on right now and just move on and finish doing all the list of things that I have to do or do I really like want to take this moment and and make it a teachable moment and teach her like that's not actually like you can say you did that but that's not actually the standard huh on how you judge how fast you put a puzzle together you have to like take the pieces apart and and I took that it was a harder choice it took more time and cost and it caused her to be a little upset because she was she thought she had done something great and I had to say like it was no you did do it but that's really not the standard and it really was just in that moment got really taught me like this is gonna be the case we're always gonna have to raise teach them to raise the standard like no shortcuts and no like just because I got it done but did you do it the right way did you take away in terms of the culture today yeah and how kids grew up flipping the puzzle over yeah I mean that's the metaphor for life right parents that make it easy or too easy yeah for their kids they don't challenge their kids to think differently or to do the tough stuff so that was a lesson she remembers that she remembers that yeah and so do I because I was like man this was supposed to be a quick look and instead it was a half-hour but Jonathan you you saw your daughter may be a different daughter I'm not sure but in the book you mentioned how you could see her moving from knowledge of God to a relationship with God yeah every parent raising a boy or a girl we're interested in that what was that experience and how did you see that in your daughter yeah it's actually my oldest girl who's now 14 and it was a neat experience because I prayed for you know all of our life all my life and then even as we got married before we were pregnant I prayed for my children and just prayed that God was just doing them what he did me and it was neat to watch my daughter she had actually just come back from camp and just shared with us that she had given her life to Christ how old was she then she was probably eight I'm guessing remember eight or nine and so we were actually a church service and they did an altar call she'd already told us she'd give her life to Christ and you know if you grow up in a Christian home and you really you know you really like for me my testimony is I don't remember ever a day not knowing the Lord like I you know I gave my life to Christ on several occasions at several different church services and all that right like there was this there was this clear I think brokenness I think in her where she was realizing what God has actually done for her like she knew it knowledge wise but there was a clear brokenness she had on the Sunday and service just as we worshipped eight or nine years later nine years old some yeah and I was just shocked at just the level of you know just the vulnerability that she had that moment and she was in tears he's in tears she's crying so does the real heart exchange not just a knowledge exchange and I asked her I said is everything okay and she said she said yeah and I said to are your tears happy tears or sad tears and she says happy tears and I mean it's been really since that day she was baptized shortly after that but it was really since that day that we've I mean she's not a perfect girl by any stretch and none of us are but the reality is I watched her have a heart for the Lord that's caused her just to seek Him in repentance to seek Him in relationship to seek him with all of her well and that's what's so critical and I think as a parent that's what we want to see you know children is how are they responding to the gospel we take him to church now if you had boys you'd quickly learn that church is boring dad I mean really we got to go to church again and so that's usually the not enough action action figures version of that from the girls yeah but it kind of these principles that I really appreciated in your book she is yours what are some practical ways to bring God's Word to the heart of your family yeah well I would say first it's just getting them into God's presence so for us oftentimes as a family one of the things we've really tried to do and I mean I learned this as a as a kid myself listening to focus on the family but just the reality of just spending time and God's Word together as a family so whether it be the dinner table or before bed or in the mornings and when we start our days every day with prayer and we're always intentionally trying to get our girls into proximity we can't really get them in the relationship with God but we can get them in the proximity and it's their choice to choose the relationship but just spending as much time as we can intentionally bringing them into just the proximity of God let me ask you this question because again and John jump in here with three girls of your own for me Jean and I will often have this discussion about raising boys and you know instilling in them a spiritual lesson in a moment usually means you're actively doing something with them you're on a hike you're driving somewhere and you just start talking about a spiritual application it's rare I think being a father of boys to actually be able to sit down after dinner it's okay we're gonna have a 30-minute study and don't fidget and you know boys just they have a lot of energy physically and they've got to be moving usually in order to hang with you have you found that different raising girls do they sit for you do they are they a little less fidgety and we say doll you know we're like you know family devotions and I always have to clarify like it's it's not like this pretty sit-down church service you know where Jonathan and I have prepared a little message and we got a scripture written up on a board for the mirror it's not that at all I mean it is chaos and it's dinner so it's the end of the day they've had used it you know had to sit still most of the day actually into dinner they are wired and so it's not pretty and it's not fun and sometimes it causes us to you know we're reading a scripture and we're like oh wait god you're talking you're actually trying to teach us something right now but but it's just something that we still feel that the importance of doing it and our prayer is just that our girls will see the priority that it is for our family and that that becomes a priority for them regardless of the work that's required in doing it okay and I would also add like I mean I love what you just said about like just getting more out and you know experience and not just the bottom line is you have to have a foundation and a knowledge of God's Word because when you get into it an experience-based deal and you're talking with your child or you're moving with them or you're fishing with them or whatever you're doing they can go back to what the truth actually is so I think the knowledge piece and I mean you have to sit down and you have to just instill God's Word in them but some of my most favorite moments with my girls and teaching them about the Lord or just giving them experience and just conversation is going to Home Depot just riding Home Depot with my girl walking around or shown her a tool or do it just doing something where you know it's not just sitting at the table doing devotions or something like that okay yeah I appreciate that we we did something and the girls glom down to it they grabbed on to it more than the boys I called it bagel and Bible where I would take him out for a bagel when they were about 10 every week I'd take him out oh that's interesting so the girls really enjoy well that's because it's relational right for the boys it was totally about the food for the girls it was about the time with Daddy Jonathan being a father of four girls how do you express a Heavenly Father's love to them to help them identify with their life in Christ so often we hear about absent fathers no fathers at all and the detrimental impact that has on girls particularly I think both boys and girls obviously but girls seem to struggle with a healthy identity then and we so often hear when they grow up to be teens they will look for love in all the wrong places looking for that father affection describe how a dad can really communicate a Heavenly Father's image to his girls yeah well first I would say this really what I try to practice is just presence I think presence is more important than anything else what does that mean for your dads that are too dense let's be honest what did he just say I don't even know what that means so presence just literally being there being there in the moments when they're happy being there in the moments when they're sad being there just as many moments as you can be there you'd be there and when I say be there it's not just be there like you're in the room but it's intentionally letting them know that you hear them that you see them that you value them well again the point being that critical love connection so they see a father's love and they can understand it and we hear so many of the negative stories where it didn't happen and it causes a young girl to go off the rails yeah and that's a good thing for dads to be responsible for yeah and I own it and I've not done it perfect by any stretch and one of the things I really love is having not been a perfect dad for 14 years just recently just this week I was looking at an article that somebody did on my twins at their school and they said who's your hero and they said my dad so I'm like all right I'm not doing it perfectly but I'm still their heroes that's good now I went around the mom's side you were a little girl yeah so you can share the struggles with them how do you approach inculcating kind of a spiritual attitude with your daughters as the mom you know it's interesting because even just going back a little bit to what Jonathan was just saying about a growing up as a little girl without a dad that was that was my story I grew up as a little girl without a dad in the home and so even as I'm mothering my girls I'm seeing God through through child-like eyes oh all over again and so that has been a neat experience and so what it causes me it's just it's the same thing just being present I'm a little more understanding with the emotions and some of the things cuz I remember being 14 I remember just you know being 10 and 11 and all those things um but really being present listening to them knowing it that like letting them know that they're hurt but then also just even in the emotion bringing them back to truth so letting them know that their feelings their emotions whatever is going on like we can be we can be there and I can understand but let's let's go back to what God has to say about what we're dealing with in what we're doing and so just my presence and being there and pointing back to who Christ is which is so good let me move to the idea of obedience I think you know again being a parent of boys this can be an area that's tough you know this is what we said to do you didn't do it etc how how is that obedience with girls sometimes challenge what does that look like trying to get girls in line because my impression again is that it's much easier because girls listen far better sure but oh wise ones the parents of girls tell me how I'm wrong or I'm right yeah I wouldn't say it's easier at all you know I think I think about children and their wills and like some of our daughters have stronger wills than others so I think there's a couple things that we need to think about we think about obedience and the first is and once there always says this like choose your battles wisely like there with girls especially there are some things that can just be an emotional it can just go down and down and down and we're battling we find out we're battling over something that's really not even it's not a biblical issue it's not even really a household standard issue it's just something we have in our head that we want so I just tend to think that we choose our battles wisely but then also that we when they when we see them doing things that would please the heart of God that we tell them that and make sure so yeah just affirmation and so one of the stories in the book dealt with I think getting the girls to bed they were struggling with that so I was just really relieved to hear that but go ahead what was the what was the struggle like you know our girls were just struggling to get to bed every night we're yelling we're doing you know we're trying all these different methods and winter heard a method from a friend of hers I can't quite remember the method well she sure that I don't really remember it either I just remember a friend of mine it read this book and she said it really worked where when the kids won't go to bed what you say to them is mommy and daddy state when we stay up it's to get work done so if you're not going a bit you need to stay up and work so we thought like let's try that like let's tell them and so you know they wouldn't go to bed and I said you know we used to say we don't want to see you we don't want to hear you it's bedtime set out prayers all that and put in a bit well of course we started hearing people when we start seeing them so Jonathan I decided like okay when and try this we hadn't read the book I don't remember what the book was I just know that my friend said it worked on her kids and so we thought like okay let's let's get up put him to work so we said okay whoever's not going a bit like you need to get up let's get to work well that already we should we heard some giggling and some so we should have known right then like let's just stop this this isn't gonna work though we didn't you know we thought like let's try it so we started having him you know full laundry somebody to clean about clean up their bathroom and some different things and they were just enjoying it they were having applause this is like 10 o'clock at night and you know we're gonna stick it out because a friend of mine said that this worked and so it's just a matter of time right so they are just having a great time and I think so you know one of them eventually was like alright I'm gonna go lay down like I'm done and then another one was kind of like okay like after the bathroom you know she was like I'm going to bed well there's we were down to like one left inch and I remember which one it was but she just wouldn't and so we lived we used to have a house that just the back windows were just open and there was like a forest it wasn't a forest there was like a main road right on the other side but it looked like a forest like kind of right behind the house and so we were out of things we're like what can we have her do would they already cleaned up all the shoes all this often so Jonathan decides I'm gonna put her out back and tell her to sweep off like the back porch head like it's like dark and and so she looked outside and she you know she thought about it for a minute and then she decided like she was gonna go ahead and do that she was she was not breaking ground she's like I'm gonna do it so she stepped outside as Cameron or strongest yes I don't know what happened is she heard a raccoon or heard something but she came flying back in the house it was clean the house was I might try that winter you mention this a while ago but this idea of presence how did you learn that your daughter's enjoyed your presence yeah there's a story I'll never forget that we were at dinner and I'm home full-time with the girls and so there are times when you know at dinner time I've just just about honestly speaking of I've had enough like I'm just not in a good place I'm tired I like being quiet you know ready to rest and I was just having one of those moods and I don't you know just details of the day had gotten to me and I was all in my head and um the the house even Jonathan Jonathan the girls they were just excited at dinner it was a good dinner they were happy and I just thought you know what I'm just gonna remove myself from this situation because they're happy I'm not I don't want to interfere with with you know the joy that they've got going on so I just got up and stepped and went to the bedroom and I was just in my room and I heard one of the girls coming down the hall and I braced myself and thought like okay she's gonna need something there's some project that needs to be done or something that I didn't get laundry cleaned or whatever and I heard she knocked on the door and I said come on in you know and I was just like what do you need and she just kind of stood there and was doing her little little girl thing that they do just kind of bouncing and twirling and I just looked at her again and I said yes and she said I just wanted to be with you and I thought like you just that's it you didn't want anything else I was at my worst like I just was not in a good mood I wasn't providing or performing or doing anything for her and she still just came in my room because she just wanted to be with me and it just reminded me that that's that's what our kids need they don't they don't always need our performance or our perfection or for us to be teaching them or showing them something she just they just like being with us yeah so sometimes if we let that garden just be with him no it's a beautiful story and I think a reminder how many moms would love that exchange that they're not there for something but just for them yeah I know a mother's heart that just must have melted your heart so okay this is good in a sigh relief because I didn't forget like a project you know it's so amazing I think moms have this incredible capacity to to look inward first unlike so many of us men you know they do look inside and so Kate wherever I causes problem or fallen short it's just the beautiful aspect of motherhood what a wonderful conversation winter and Jonathan thank you for giving us the inside look of raising girls and you guys you're still in it your hands with all the four girls at home the twins here's the question I have for you at the end parenting is just as much about our relationship with Christ as it is about training our children for that future why is that critical to us yeah I would say to the degree that we actually are experiencing Christ in our life will be to the degree that we can actually know that our children are seeing Christ so it's actually to me it's motivation like to know that like I put my prayer is that they see Christ in other people in other ways but I can be that to them and know for sure that they see Christ in me so it's motivation for me to grow and the hope and the prayer is that as they see me growing in Christ they see Christ modeled my life so you can only give what you possess get what you possess yeah I like that thanks so much for being with us thank you for having us hey I'm John fuller and thanks for watching get more info about focus over here and more from our guests over there and be sure to subscribe to our channel as well

Channel: Focus on the Family

Views: 169,031

Keywords: focus, on, the, family, Parenting, Daughters, Moms, Dads, She Is Yours, Book, Girls, Relationships, Family, Focus on the Family

Id: cp0DeCQU7XE

Length: 24min 3sec (1443 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 08 2018