Family Matters | The Chat with Priscilla (Part One)

have you ever had a conversation with somebody and you're excited about the conversation but you're also a little nervous at the same time because that person knows you I mean like for real really knows you and you know they know all your business you know all their business so you're not exactly sure how the conversation is gonna go this is going to be one of those conversations because I'm talking to my siblings today members of my own family it's going to be a good one so stay tuned [Applause] [Music] I've been waiting on this one looking so forward to talking to a few people that have known reasons you know I was born I've known them since they were born you know we've just had lots of lots of years together together lots of history lots of memories and we're looking toward the future now as adults I'm talking about my brothers and my sister we're gonna be talking to them over the next hour but first I just wanted to spend a little time with my older sister all by herself just so I can you know put the spotlight on her just a little bit because for most of my life I've been under her shadow cuz she's my older sister she's my sweet older sister and I can't wait to introduce you to her would you please help me to welcome Krystal Hurst to the program [Applause] my sister okay let's clear it up mm you are my older sister but that's not what everybody thinks that is not what everybody thinks what's up with that what do most people think they think I'm younger why do you think that is is it because I'm more mature no why do you think it is that people think I'm older than you I think there's a lot of reasons I think one of them is because you seem to have a more outgoing personality so they just figure maybe I'm the one that grew up kind of in your shadow maybe I don't know I think that's one reason I don't I don't know yeah that better be the only yeah that's it the reality is though Chris all my siblings and I we are three years apart almost literally so you're three years older than I that I'm second and my two brothers who will talk to just a little bit later on they're just kind of stair-step right after us but you came first named crystal because she was the crystal the light in everyone's eyes yes in the family the first grandchild on either side of the family so there was crystal and you just lit up everybody's life and I did really grow up in your shadow quite a bit because you're quite an achiever that's your personality yes to the firstborn typical firstborn so it just kind of described yourself as a young person if you tell me that the perfect score is a hundred and it's possible for me to get extra credit I'm gonna get the extra credit she made it so easy for you to come behind me in school I'm sure no I would study y'all I would study and study and I might pull off at 88 I might get and crystal would kind of not really think about it and make the 105 so she wouldn't mess up the curve for everybody not just in a class but in our house because then mom and dad were like well where's your hundred because Chrissy got a hundred yeah yeah it's okay you were also extremely have always been you still are extremely beautiful so I spent my life sort of just kind of looking up to you and wanting to be crystal Evans at the time crystal heavens yeah you have quite a story actually you have quite a story and it's been one that has been it really has sort of kind of become the trajectory of your life in terms of ministry in terms of what you're doing with in connection with with other women right now and really pouring into their lives so I just sort of tell us a little bit about you and what parts of your life have sort of made up the journey of your life which you've chronicled in she's still there returning to the girl in you so sort of just give us some backstory on crystal Evans so basically I just was the typical good girl and I actually wanted to be but in high school there was a guy that went to our church and over some time he was interested in me I wasn't interested in him but after a while it was kind of like we were friends and he kind of got grafted into our family too and when we went off to school he had a football scholarship and I had an academic scholarship and we wound up at the same school so my freshman year I got pregnant and so that whole good girl thing was just really it was a shock to everybody it was a shock to me too because that wasn't you always hear the thing about preachers kids being the ones that are always in trouble and I wasn't but by the way were preachers kids they didn't know that yeah so that's that and so that was 19 I had my oldest child my sophomore the fall of my sophomore year and then spent the next ten years of my life I graduated from college went into the workforce as a single mom my husband and I now together we have five children and but that season of my life the season of my life where I was making decisions that were not in character for me also that were not necessarily with full intentionality or consciousness about how I was impacting or hurting other people the season of my life or even after making the decision to keep my daughter going into those ten years as a single parent and struggling through trying to achieve trying to have a job and do well and make money and make a life but wanting to also yank my hair out because it was really hard that whole season of my life where I where I can vividly recall just thinking you've got to be kidding me is this is this my life because this certainly wasn't what I had intended or aimed for but Here I am trying to make the best of it and say let's back up just a little bit because I want to ask you when you're 19 and you've got you've got this baby coming and you happen to be in the pocket of family that you're in so it was a it's it's a little bit of a not that it's any more unique in one family than another but you've got mom and dad who were pastoring this church and they're their reach is sort of broad and wide what would you say that mom and dad did well and what would you say that maybe even they would admit they didn't do as well as maybe they should have they do it differently now what do I think they did well I think they were very supportive my dad said well you'll still be able to climb the ladder you're just gonna have to climb with a backpack I mean it was just kind of like it doesn't ruin your life a baby born a baby Jorn you know or a Maya rap you know there's all kind of wraps when you have babies but anyway but but it was just the idea that you can keep going there's never a question about can you keep going or is your life gonna be okay it was it'll be okay he's got to find another way yeah I mean also they let us be we were so excited do you remember I remember the day that we found out that you're gonna have a baby and I remember right after we kind of had this family conversation yeah you were like we went back crystal and I shared a room our whole upbringing olai so we went into our room and I remember just looking at your stomach like there's a sweet niece or nephew in there I could not wait and then Karras was born and Karras has been she is 26 96 she's 26 she is now having her second child so crystal is is it is a meemaw stop it Karras is now on daughter yes you have a granddaughter and a grandson a grandson or daughter that's coming soon yeah and it's just it's so exciting because here you are sitting on this side of it you know this end of all of those years of like you said it was just hard just hard but now you're getting to just enjoy some of the fruit of all of that hardship in all of us a favor but I kind of cut you off because you said mom and dad did that part well and I was just saying they also let us enjoy it like we just enjoyed that baby as a family yeah she's like our sister actually I know she's the she's the fifth child of the for Evans kids I know and we keep trying to remind her that she's not who are not I know yeah you can't tell her and you know I know it's okay so what do you think mom and dad cuz I'm thinking about parents who might be in this situation right now mm-hmm so they did that well what do you think that then maybe they would have done differently if they had a chance to do it again in response a reaction to the baby coming I mean when you asked me that I was I have to tackle the other one first because I don't know don't know I don't know I don't know what they wish they would have done differently I do remember that my dad asked me or our dad asked me is there something we did wrong I do remember he asked me that because I'm thinking they were trying to figure out like how did this how did this and I honestly told him I said I'd you know nothing yeah I don't you know I think and I always say this Adam and Eve had the perfect parent and they messed up so we have to we do what we can and then we have to know that just like we get to choose so do our kids yeah that's scary isn't it but it is scary yeah because you I was talking to some friends of mine the older couple their kids are now in their upper 20s and I mean y'all they just raised their kids as best as they possibly could rooted in the church at all the right youth group over their house devotions at the table you know two-parent home all the stuff that textbook looks great yeah and both of her children right now we're just breaking her heart they have just chosen lifestyles that are so completely out of alignment with the way that they poured their life into raising them she just she was just talking to me about just how heartbroken she is devastated it's devastating because you pour your life into doing it the right way but still your kid has to make their own choices you know yeah I mean I mean he's a sidebar I had a conversation with my daughter and looked her in the face and said this is this is all of the hard things that I've done all of the hard places where I've done my best to love you and raise you well you need to understand that it is killing me to see how you're choosing to live your life we had at one of those hard conversations but I say but you know what I realize it's your life I'm here to love you I'm here to pray for you I'm here to give you guidance but at the end of the day you need to know that I know that these are your choices and I think we have to kind of love people love our children but take ourselves off the hook a little bit because as much as it hurts you can't fix it mm you know release them but you can't yep yeah you just have to yep release until the Lord okay so you got this you got this baby sophomore year of college and you went back to school right cuz it never occurred to me not to it never because of you or because you're just an achiever well but you know people said so are your parents gonna keep the baby and I was like why would they do that it's my baby like I don't know it never occurred to me I don't know it just didn't so I just figured it out so you're in college full time yes and you have a baby yes and then you've got these 10 years as a single parent if you graduated you've got all these years as a single parent you're working okay talk to us about that because really the the point of she's still there when you're driving down the freeway lord please break my legs both of them so I can be in the hospital long enough to take a break from work and figure out my life and listen y'all are laughing but I remember that day yes when my sister literally was driving down the road and this was like Lord oh if I just take me out for a hot just an accident don't kill me don't kill the car don't blow up the car mark up my face so mark up my peg yeah I mean come on y'all how many of you have ever had that day Lord just take me out for a little while I just need a break I just need a break so talk so just describe those 10 years as a single parent and you had supportive family but still yeah you're the one pulling the weight so talk to subscribers I think anytime you end up in a place where you're doing it a way you didn't envision you ask yourself the question how did I get here and and and how do I fix this yeah and when you don't see a way to fix it you can you feel stuck nobody wants to feel stuck yeah so I did I felt stuck because I have to work cuz I'm a single parent I can't you know I can't just decide I'm gonna take a year and find my life that didn't work that way yeah there was an account financed it was an accounting okay so you had an accounting kind of job a number punching job and I still loved numbers I didn't like that job yeah well I remember you had to be there at like 7:00 in the morning or something yeah and then it was a really really late you've got school work with Karras and so your life was just crowded on all sides mm-hmm and this is for year after year after yeah and I was just trying to figure out how to hit the reset button in fact I'd said I'm gonna work for five years I'm gonna get vested and then I'm gonna you know Bank all of my retirement stuff and I'm gonna get on a plane I'm gonna go to London we have an aunt who lives in London and I wasn't gonna work at Starbucks until I figure out my next step like I had it all planned out it's like I'm gonna take a break and live with somebody so I can and I never got there I met my husband before I did that but the but the point is I was trying to figure out of London I was gonna go to London you did not tell me about the plan to go to London London with you yeah well I didn't make it I didn't make it I just I'm just mad right now that you planned a trip to London without me well I didn't plan it you did plan it you were saving money I was yes but I gotten them yet she was about to skip town without her sister a little bit okay so yeah so I I spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what's next I literally the first job that I had I quit it with no job and I worked him because I was like I can't yeah if I'm wishing myself into a hospital this is not healthy yeah so I quit that in work temp then found another job making a lot less money but I had peace and then I went from there into another job that that I worked out until I until I later decided to stay home with kids okay and in the midst of all that yes you lost yourself like crystal is gone there's no time for crystal there's no bargain yeah your health yeah your goals the ambitions that yeah you kind of putting stuff on the side cuz you got to just do the thing that's in front of you to do today so you're forgetting the girl in you like she's you're wondering where she is where's that 18 year old girl that had dreams and aspirations and was you know pointed towards specific tasks you've kind of lose and losing her along the way and it wasn't just this single parent situation because then you got married mm-hmm you got married to a wonderful guy named Jesse that you've been married to now for 17 years almost okay 17 years but those 17 years haven't just been you know I gotta change diapers and make dinner and like you like to say chicken a million different ways how can I cook it again tonight Lord yes they don't know about your other children so after you guys got married we okay so we each brought a girl to our wedding and gave each other the gift of a girl on a wedding day then we added three boys after that yes so there's his mine and ours and so I still have a nine year old at home so there's 14 12 and 9 at home yes in a home school and there's that so this is just so y'all are clear on this achievement situation in her life crystal is the kind of mom that when she had babies you know she didn't buy them the the organic Gerber option off the shelf because she was gonna puree all of their baby food from scratch that's just the way she wanted she's the kind of mom who doesn't want to go to a hospital to have the baby just in case there is a more natural shaking utilized so she's had all three of her while all of her four children four pregnancies she's had them all without an epidural which I don't understand that at all but then three of them she had at home so home burst so she did that which is switches awesome praise the Lord but just that's you just kind of if you tell me there's a hundred yes I'm gonna try to get to 105 you're gonna try to get to 105 okay but that has taken its toll in the sense that you kind of lost yourself along the way tell us what that look yeah and I think for for I don't even think you have to be wired like that I think life is like that regardless of your design if you're not careful you get lost in doing you get lost in being for other people you get lost in doing what you thought you wanted to do and then realize 15 years later actually time is passing this is not what I wanted to do even the things that you really want to do means you have to put other things on the Shelf so for me choosing to be at home with children during that season I wanted to do that that didn't mean that I didn't look up and see friends or family members and go well that'd be nice if I could do that that didn't mean I didn't have those feelings it didn't mean that I had to you know I didn't I mean I used to tell my husband this is this is the truth and I love Jesus this is true but this is the reality when I looked at my husband has said I need a bible study this is what I was really thinking I need a break from y'all and if I have to use Jesus and a Bible study to do it Soviet cuz really not same I love Jesus but really what I loved the most was going to Starbucks after the Bible study and getting a drink with it with extra room for whipped cream enjoyed it by myself yeah that was what that was about so I just needed space and time to be by myself yes and so even in the season where I wanted to be with my children I still was craving time for me yeah so I think we just have to I had to and I think all of us girls at some point we asked that question how did I get here and what do I do to shift it and so this is just kind of my my offering ok so but what point and what was the catalyst to you kind of looking up one day and going wait a minute I have lost myself I'm gonna go find her where is she what was the catalyst that made you sort of wake up out of that slumber of realizing ok it's really two questions I want to ask that question but I also want to ask what parts of you slipped enough that you were just tired of watching them sort of fritter away and you wanted to kind of get the reins on those things again in your life well this happens all the time it happened it happens all the time so it's there's multiple one was not having the job you know hating the job and another time it was babies and I remember the night that the kid took off the diaper and I had to clean up the carpet god save me please there have been other I mean looking in the mirror and going where who is that you oh you're just covered up with fat I fear now you know that's a moment having moments where it just even even now like I life is totally different my kids are older I'm able to do a few things but I still sometimes have to sit down and say I've got to carve out some time to breathe in a minute to breathe yeah and to communicate that to my husband and kids and say I love y'all but I need a minute yeah give me a minute I'm in the bathroom leave me alone this is holy ground in here stop knocking on the door I'll be out in a minute you know what I mean it is just little things it could just be that the day has been crazy and so as I'm cooking dinner I turn on music I want to hear until everybody else to be quiet I just need I just need a minute to enjoy this part of my day yeah so it comes and it comes it comes but I think what I've learned is that when you when you realize that you have a need that it's okay to meet it it's it's okay to say I want to honor the people in my life but there's a gift in me God gave me the gift of life and I want to honor the gift that he's given me by honoring me and how can I have anything to pour out in other people in ministry at work in my neighborhood in my community if I'm not taking the time to honor me okay give us some more practical examples cuz I think this is very helpful for women that are either saying I don't see where I have the time yeah or number two I don't have a supportive environment like my husband doesn't care that I want to honor the little girl in me he's not going to support that hour that I need away from home he's I don't live in a place where where I've got people applauding that mm-hmm so how what are some practical ways that that we can do that when life is so full and maybe our environment is not supportive so just being super super creative so like I miss time with friends and I would say because I really didn't have my husband at one point traveled a lot so I was with the kids a lot by myself and at one point my daughter was old enough to at least my home to be safe if I wasn't there and some of our girlfriends I was like I'm dying for some time with y'all but I can't do it between here and here but I can meet you at 5:00 a.m. at the Waffle House like will you meet me at 5:00 a.m. at the Waffle House your kids are asleep my kids are asleep let's look at each other and have a conversation again just having putting my kids to bed that was a thing watching the movies that I want to watch with with my kids but saying y'all go stab and watch this movie with me or go to bed or go to bed but y'all have to be quiet but this was me getting in me so just finding these you know these reactive ways I didn't save this because this is so great this is what I'm basically hearing you say they are not the parent no I am so you get to decide this is the music that feeds me it doesn't really matter us you guys like the music right now this is my time to listen to this music so we're watching this movie as a family you're the parent DirecTV has a great classical channel and I could care less whether y'all enjoy this or not I enjoy it and the China like my my my special glasses I bring down pull out some apple that sparkling apple cider and they're like oh mom that's for me I'll give you all some at Christmastime but here during the rest of the year this is for me so he's so just treasuring and I ain't cuz it's me time sometimes it gets a bad rap and it can be a bad thing yeah you overdo it but all I'm saying is like even when you'll call me and say us girls the family girls were going to the mall I'll come but what am I gonna do while we're at the mall she doesn't like to shop I hate shopping she's gonna come but she's gonna have a boner hand she's gonna sit in the middle of the mall with whatever store were in she'll be right outside just like this reading the book but she wants us to shop to her if you so now if you see something just call me in I just don't want to go through the I don't want it's too much it's too much Amazon works just fine for me you've gotten some cute things off Amazon too I'm so grateful yes I'm so good by the way this is something else I think people do you know because for a long time there you also did not you just didn't buy any clothes you didn't nothing you weren't concerned about it you still kind of not consistent yeah but it's okay cuz look I only did this for you I know what you you look good girl like your converse you got on and everything yes that's good I'm good happy medium yes it'd be cute but I tell them about the website you found that will get some close to you so you don't have to shop stitch fix stitch six six Finch stay come buddies attach fixed I paid twenty bucks a month and I get a box every month and I can keep it or not but it keeps me out of the store and keeps new things coming into my house and probably every third month I'll keep something yeah most of the time it just lets me try on things that never pick so so it's something just and then you come and clean out my closet yeah yeah because y'all she has this sweater I'm not throwing it away you gotta throw it on me I'm gonna do it let it go I'm not gonna do it let it go no it's time it's not well it's just time what would you say are the main things you've learned about finding yourself again why like personally not further people why it's important but what has happened in your life over you know writing this book really having to dig deep into your past again and think through it and what you've learned and what you've gained what is it what is it done for you to find yourself again to pay attention to the little longings in your heart again well I I have just been reminded of still a reminded because I was talking to somebody the other day and I said you know what I could say this is so much more eloquently if I would just read you this chapter but I forgot what I said already so I'll look at that if you ever had that happen where you'd know something and you wrote it but you don't remember what you said so you have to okay you know that never and never happened of course it doesn't because you're priscilla shirer i've learned that these principles work because writing what i know i still have to use it yeah so when I am in that situation again where I'm feeling lost or where I realize that I get to choose to live like this thing right here that breath mm-hmm it means I'm alive but choosing to live that's something I get to do every moment yeah yeah so if I start feeling a little under the weather if I start feeling a little lost if I start feeling a little misunderstood or whatever I get to make choices that I don't have to walk as a as in reaction mode all the time mm-hmm I get to proactively make some decisions and sometimes I do a good job of it and sometimes I don't but I can remember I remind myself girl you have breath so choose to live mm-hmm whatever that looks like today what have you done let's see what's today is today Monday today's a Monday today's the so today's a Sunday Sunday what have you done this previous week to make margin in your life to have some breathing room this previous week what what are some things practically you did this week to give yourself some space or to just treat yourself well number one is I had been walking in the neighborhood had been a while since I got went to the gym so yes I'm then girl into the gym went to the gym and the other thing is I turned up my heated blanket a notch because I love a heated blanket and it makes me so happy so I turned it up a notch because I can yeah as I can I like a simple pleasure that's like a big deal that's a big deal yeah and I bought some mrs. Myers hand soap the one that smells really good yeah if they had the so honeysuckle is my favorite and I was in Target and I was like Target we don't need it you know Don would work just fine but I want mrs. man and I hid it so I'm the only one that can use it you're in so so it's there in the house but it's here just on a special shelf on a special show they can use the regular stuff and then when I want everything to smell or burning a candle burned a candle a special candle the kids know not to burn unless I say to burn it yeah rules at your house no it's good though yeah and you know what I appreciate about sort of what you found in your journey is that really what she's still there does and what you do when you're ministering to two people is you really give people permission to do what they don't feel like they have permission to do they don't feel like they have permission to take care of themselves or honor that little dream that they had when they were 18 or that little longing that they have to sit down for 15 minutes with a novel they'd like to sit down with or burn that candle or buy that hand soap that that just likes their fire that they just enjoy you're given the permission to find that girl and that's that's in there and honor find it yeah I have two books that sit in my car because when I find five minutes I read those I mean I think here's the problem we that Oh life I'm just she's just supposed to be there and if she's not there well then oh well no no no no this is like effort one of my favorite stories I talk about in the book most of us remember Jessica McClure being six feet underneath the ground and she was a lot a little girl that fell down a well when CNN it first started we all watched you know cuz they were trying to get her out and here's the thing they would have gotten her out eventually anyway but because she was alive and because time was ticking it was it was super important yeah to rest me to her rescue yeah and that's the thing we have to understand that if we're alive and we feel Six Feet Under well then you need to get busy about the business of rescuing that girl because time is running out mm-hmm that's good well you need to get your hands on this book and listen not just if you're in a place where you feel like you've already lost yourself but if you're 18 19 years old and you're just getting going and let me help you please because life is going to happen you're not expecting you need to be already connected with the little girl in you the one who's got dreams and aspirations who's headed somewhere so that you can continue to make margin in your life to honor that girl and my sister has done a beautiful job of chronicling I wanted to say your first book but you co-authored a book with dad um called Kingdom woman that is an incredible book but this is your first solo this is your first solo book and I'm and somebody wrote the foreword you did I was so excited to do it because I'm excited to see the journey of your life you're such a Cheerilee well I am I'm very excited for you I am I'm so excited for you and your blessing a lot of people I enjoy when I hear you share your story with others your authenticity your vulnerability and then the lessons you're so practical see that's the thing a lot of us hear people speak about stuff and we walk away going yeah that was so great what am I supposed to do mm-hmm with all that stuff I just heard and what you do is deliver one two three let's go do this together together let's go do it together we really do need each other we really do yes so thank you so much you guys helped me to honor and thank my sister [Music]

Channel: The Chat with Priscilla

Views: 220,213

Rating: 4.8915806 out of 5

Keywords: chat, discussion, Priscilla Shirer, controversy, Christian, topics, women

Id: v93CrCbTF4I

Length: 31min 52sec (1912 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 05 2018