One Simple Trick to Actually Love Yourself More

this is one of the biggest issues that people come to me and tell me that they're struggling with they tell me that they are struggling so much with being able to love themselves being able to accept themselves just being able to like themselves for who they are that they tell me that they find it so hard to turn off the thoughts in their head that are telling them why they're not good enough why they're not lovable enough why they're not smart enough capable enough worthy enough beautiful enough successful enough have the right kind of body enough and they don't know what to do about it they don't know how to love themselves and i'm going to tell you right now there is no quick fix there's no one and done there's no easy button that you press and that all of a sudden you are just full of all the self-love at the click of a button it doesn't work like that this does take work but the other thing is that it doesn't happen on its own it's one of those it's not one of those things where you're just like well oh well i'll just like wait and see what happens i'll just sort of keep living my life and doing things and thinking the way i always have and doing things the way that i've always done them and i won't make any change and i'll just hope that my brain just all of a sudden one day decides that i'm good enough that i'm lovable enough that i'm worthy enough that i can feel good about who i am it does not work that way it takes work it takes intention it takes having support it takes learning tools it is absolutely possible to love yourself without apology no matter where you are right now it is absolutely possible and extremely doable but it does take some work and so today i'm going to teach you a little trick that you know it sounds kind of like kitschy or whatever to call it a trick but it is just like this little thing that you can do this little switch that you can put into your brain that's going to help you open your mind up to loving yourself more that's gonna help start start laying some of those bricks as you build up that solid foundation that's all build up the solid foundation that doesn't really make sense as you as you're laying the bricks on the ground you're laying a really you know solid brick patio that solid foundation to start building your relationship with yourself if you're new here welcome to our incredible little corner on the internet take a second introduce yourself in the comments if you're back say hello in the comments love being able to connect with all of you either way my name is julia cristina and i am a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach and the creator of my incredible community the shift society that is just growing and is full of incredible men and women taking this work deeper doing this work this fall we are focusing on love and building our relationship with ourselves building that deep sense of confidence in who we are not just the pretending on the surface to feel good about ourselves but that deep lasting confidence from the inside out come and join us you can get more information in the link in the description i help heart center go-getter men and women break through the crap that is holding them back so that they can like themselves and their lives more every day our lives change when we like ourselves more when we love ourselves when we are building that solid relationship in who we are everything in our lives changed changes how we show up changes our relationships change i did another video about this about these myths that we have about what it means to love yourself and how a lot of us are resistant to this idea because we think that it will have a negative impact um in a lot of ways so there is a video about that i'll put the link to that to dispel some of those myths but really working on our relationship with ourselves and how important this is how this changes our lives it changes how we show it changes what we do it changes the actions we take it changes everything because so much of what we avoid so much of what we prevent ourselves from doing so much of how we keep ourselves hidden and small is because we are afraid of what other people are going to think about us and ultimately what we are going to think about us if our relationship with ourself is is flimsy if it's tenuous if it's unstable then we are often scared that if we show up if we put ourselves out there if we make ourselves vulnerable if we try something new if we take something on if we take a risk and it doesn't go well then we are going to give ourselves hell we're going to be terrible to ourselves we are going to rip ourselves apart we're going to tear ourselves down we're going to criticize and judge and condemn ourselves we are more afraid of what we are going to do to ourselves what we are going to make something mean about us and our worth and our value as a human being often than we are really afraid of other people what they're going to think often we are only really afraid of what other people are going to think of us because of what we are going to make that mean because we are afraid that we are actually going to believe them and then we are going to feel terrible so building that solid foundation i used to struggle so much with my relationship with myself i used to kind of kind of hate myself a lot of the time not all the time there are times where i'm like okay like i think we're okay but my relationship with myself was very tenuous it was very much dependent on things on the outside whether or not things were going well in my life on the outside whether or not my relationships were going well whether or not i was feeling um like i was being successful or i was being included in everything or that the world was sort of existing in this way that would allow me to feel good about myself all of my self-worth was put on the outside and so you know how tenuous and how flimsy and how unstable that is when we are giving our self-worth to things outside of our full control and things that fluctuate things that are unstable and uncertain and that can change when we are putting our self-worth when we are putting our relationship with ourselves we are giving it to the outside it's risky business and it's going to mean that it's not going to be able to be stable and secure and so i struggled so much with my relationship with this myself i remember sitting and just kind of hating myself a lot of the time feeling terrible about myself and then i was like this has to stop this has to stop i don't want to feel like i'm on this emotional roller coaster and my sense of self my relationship with myself my ability to feel good about myself is so dependent on all these other things and so started doing this work started deep diving into this sort of really understanding what it takes to love yourself and how to love yourself and now i teach it and mostly teach it on that deeper level again to my to the people in the shift society and to my my one-on-one clients as well and so the sense of self-regard this positive self-regard this healthy relationship with ourselves this doesn't mean that we think that we are all of a sudden god's gift to humanity this doesn't mean that we all of a sudden think we are better than other people absolutely not my relationship with me has nothing to do with anyone else this is not about feeling better or worse than anyone else this is my relationship with me and what it means when i have this healthy relationship with myself how i know that this is happening how i know that we are on the right track is if i actually like what i think and how i think that i like being alone with my thoughts how many of you are afraid of that i know a lot of people just let me know in the comment section below if you ever are afraid with being alone with your thoughts because you don't like what your brain is going to do you don't like the path that your brain goes down let me know that in the comments that's a real thing a lot of us really struggle with i don't want to be quiet i don't want quiet i don't want stillness i don't want peace you know just sort of physical physical piece around me because it will there will not be peace in my brain my brain's just going to go start going haywire with all of these self-rejecting self-deprecating self-defeating thoughts having a healthy relationship with ourselves means that we like what we think we we are able to see our best qualities we're not delusional we don't think that like oh i'm perfect and i have no you know i have no weaknesses no we just don't obsess about the weakness we ignore weaknesses we just acknowledge that we're all human that we all have strengths we all have areas that we can work on and that's just it this isn't a judgment this is just a reality of being a human being that i'm able to see my best qualities i'm able to give myself the benefit of the doubt i'm able to have my own back i'm able to have self-compassion and understanding for my struggles and my setbacks that i don't automatically go into self-annihilation if i'm ever struggling or if i ever fail at something or if i ever get rejected i don't automatically go into all of that self-hatred that self-rejection this doesn't mean we become a narcissist loving yourself does not make you self-absorbed it makes you self-solid we are going for self-solid we are not going for self-lording ourselves over other human beings we are going from being able to stand secure and firm and clear in who we are it's not about pushing anyone down but it's also not about pushing ourselves down it's about standing solid in who we are again this isn't about what other people think and developing your relationship with yourself is about developing what you think a lot of us get resistant to this idea of loving ourselves because we think that our self-criticism and our self-hatred is what is motivating us to move forward and just full honesty in the comments let us know if you're like yeah i'm kind of like i like the idea of loving and accepting myself but i sometimes think that that's my edge that my self-hatred and my self-rejection that my self-criticism is what is the fire that gets me moving and motivated to do better to grow to expand to be more successful to push harder full transparency i used to think that i've actually had clients come to me and say you know i want to feel better about myself but you know i'm a little bit scared that if i feel too good about myself then i'll stop trying i've actually had people say that really successful people that have come and said you know like don't take take the part away where i feel terrible all the time but not the part away where that kind of self criticism spurs me for it and i'm like no i'm sorry it does not work that way but i am going to tell you that loving and accepting yourself is not going to turn you into a lazy blob that the only way to motivate yourself is not out of self-hatred that is the good news because so often our motivation comes from this is unhealthy motivation so we'll talk now just a little bit about i'll kind of go off to the side and talk about healthy motivation versus unhealthy motivation so a lot of us are being fueled by unhealthy motivation we are being driven by this this belief of what can i prove right what can i prove to other people what can i earn like earning approval or earning acceptance or who can i impress and this is all ego-based when i'm being driven out of trying to protect my ego or inflate my ego i am making it all about me and about this really kind of tenuous relationship with myself you can see that right like when i say that what can i prove what can i earn who can i impress that there is this sort of like this bit of like desperation this kind of push we were like ah i just need to get this so that i can prove this so i can be this so i can feel this versus a different kind of motivation when we have our solid sense of self and who we are there isn't this proving and pushing energy but you better believe that we are still going to want to grow because human beings are hard wired for growth we do well when we are learning when we are growing when we are expanding when we are participating in our lives we feel good when we're in that flow when there is that bit of like tension of growth not the negative tension that we're like trying again trying to prove something but that tension of like oh like this is kind of uncharted territories let's see what happens let's see what we can learn let's see how we can expand which then comes back to yeah that healthy motivation comes back to what can i learn how can i grow what's going to allow me to expand who can i serve how can i make this world a better place with my contribution do you see the difference there it's like a completely different energy so loving ourselves moving from that place of self-love allows us to continue to show up and do amazing things in this life and in this world but we are doing it with a different motivation so we actually get to feel good in the process instead of feeling terrible in the process and only feeling good when we get to the outcome and then only feeling good for a second before the bar raises and now we have to do more things to prove to impress to earn changing that motivation so now when learning to love yourself more a simple trick that you can use is something that i call the sunny side so i've talked about this before about the jungian shadow side so jung was a um a colleague colleague of freud and of adler and of rogers and all those really famous psychologists back from i think around the turn of the of the 20th century and jung created this concept of our shadow of the human shadow and this concept is i won't go into this deeply cuz i've done another video on it but just this concept that like that idea if you've ever heard it like if you spot it you got it that usually the things that irritate us and annoy us about other people are the things the sort of disowned rejected parts of ourselves that they are reflecting so we won't go into that right now but that is the jungian shadow side but then there's also the opposite of this which is the sunny side and this is a real psychological concept this is a real thing that the things that you like and appreciate and admire and respect and are drawn to in other people are also reflections of parts of your self they are also part of your who you are that's why you can see them that's why they are visible to you is because they are a reflection of you so your homework is to take some time and to think about and notice the people that you're drawn to the people that you really like the people that you're like they're just like good people i just really like them and i want you to think about what it is that you like about them what is it that you appreciate appreciate about them get as specific as possible and then i want to invite you to see those things in yourself as well and to recognize and acknowledge that those things are absolutely in you as well if they weren't you wouldn't be able to see them if you want to completely shift your relationship with yourself how you think and feel about yourself in a deep and lasting way join us in the shift society this is our fall focus we are focusing all on cultivating a solid healthy relationship with ourselves so that we can love ourselves without apology so we can build that deep sense of lasting confidence get on the wait list the link is below and until next time take good care you

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 24,655

Rating: 4.9539609 out of 5

Keywords: how to acutally love yourself, Improvement Pill, self-love, self-love tips and tricks, Lisa Nichols, how to like who you are, how to like yourself, how to be a friend to yourself, how to build self love, how to boost your self love, how to build your self love, julia kristina self love, oprah tips for self love, self love habits, Julia kristina counselling, boost self love, love yourself, how to love yourself more, signs you hate yourself, trick to love yourself more

Id: skBpCoBukaM

Length: 17min 6sec (1026 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 16 2020