How to Stop Self-Sabotage Behaviour

hi I'm mark Terrell of uncommon knowledge and hypnosis downloads calm and welcome to how to stop self-sabotage 5 tips to get you out of your own way someone once said self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen a talkative mouse a rat and a small shrew were trapped in a flood desperately clinging to the side of a lily pad and sinking fast a helpful owl came to their rescue first telling the rat to clamp its teeth onto its talons as the owl flew to safety and then returning for the shrew who received similar instructions finally as the tides rose even higher the owl at last came back for our talkative Mouse you are rescued and you will live said the owl but I've noticed you talk a lot promise me you'll keep your mouth closed around my legs and on no account open it or you'll fall to your fate of course of course said the mouse who proceeded to clamp his mouth onto his feathers rescuers landing gear and they took off and flew across the floods the owl was about to land on some high ground but the mouse decided he wanted to alight some other place to get dry not there shouted the mouse but those were the last words he ever spoke as he fell into the swirling waters below now we could all laugh at such a silly story because we never behave in such a self-destructive ways of ourselves of course do we although perhaps we do but maybe not as obviously but why the main reasons for self sabotaging behavior so ok the mouse's behavior came from ignorance and heedlessness he just didn't think but we messed things up for ourselves in other ways and for other reasons which include the familiarity of failure maybe we're so used to situations not working out or to being around dysfunctional people that it feels easier to put a spanner in works by behaving in some way that either worsens or destroys something promising a kind of better the devil you know at least unfamiliar with this how long conscious need to be in control if we feel something is bound to fail because it's too good to last we might engineer its failure somehow so as to maintain a sense that we're still in control because we caused it to fail we chose for it to fail feeling unworthy it's another reason low self-esteem may drive people to feel they don't deserve success or happiness bad habits such as excessive drinking or smoking or uncontrolled anger or talking in them else's case need for excitement it might be an otherwise perfect sunny afternoon and seemingly out of the blue Joe picks a fight goes into a silent mood or drags out some unrelated contentious issue from the past suddenly the afternoon turns into a battleground the desire for excitement can take different forms not all of them constructive but surely if people know that they're doing this they wouldn't do it so is sabotaging ourselves an unconscious affliction people seldom mean to sabotage themselves it's not generally a conscious decision to spoil things and that's a problem we can be left with the feeling why didn't I do that why did I have to mess things up many of our emotional drivers remain unconscious which is why chronic self saboteurs will often use conscious justification or what seem like excuses to explain why they had to yell at their professor and get kicked off the course break off contact with a friend who was about to offer them a great job and a promising relationship early learning or should I say miss learning can create the habit of self-sabotage and things going right they seem like a scary and foreign country for some people if you feel you're prone to this sort of behavior then these tips may well help you as long as you let them okay so number one observe yourself forget justifying why you did or didn't do this or that just watch yourself the adage don't listen to what people say but watch what they do to see what they're really like can be applied to yourself equally well imagine you're someone else whose behavior you're simply watching you're not judging it you're just watching to find out what they're like ask yourself what did i do there and what was driving that what may have been driving me to do that was it fear spite the need to be in control even if that control is related to making things fail the need for excitement through conflict or the desire for attention through sympathy one client who did this realised that had been unconsciously reluctant to earn more than his bullying father had owned when he would be alive as if I couldn't betray him my being better off than he'd been he he said to me this realisation helped him overcome this limiting belief once he deserved it operating within himself okay if we were blind to the way we operate we can do little to change the way we work he decided to actually ignore it until the old compulsion not to succeed became a faint whisper and then died away altogether what do you sabotage and how get to know the Machine seeing your own behavior more clearly has nothing to do with over-applied self blame but rather being more objective number two remember that success isn't black or white strongly imagine and get into the habit of strongly imagining what true success will be like because it may be different from what you've been unconsciously assuming successful relationships for example don't work well all the time earning good money doesn't solve all problems success isn't black or white all or nothing is relative so remember that becoming successful in whatever way won't feel so strange when it actually happens because it's a natural part of being human but the idea of success may feel strange number three don't throw the baby out with the bathwater people often self-sabotage because of perfectionism if it isn't perfect then what's the point you may have heard about recent research see reference 1 which showed that people on strict diets trying to lose weight will more likely overeat if they feel they've veered off their diet even slightly what the hell I've blown it now anyway I might as well go back to the way I was throwing the baby out with the bathwater I might as well completely binge people not on diets don't do this so much so if you've had a little setback or mini failure consciously stop yourself from throwing it all away and seeing the whole thing is just ruined and then really ruining it number 4 think beyond yourself most of us don't like to consider ourselves as selfish but it's also true to say not from a judgemental perspective more of an observational one their self-sabotage ruins stuff for others and is therefore a selfish behavior it has ripple effects people so often deny they're behaving selfishly because they don't intend to be selfish but behavior is behavior so the lover who feels compelled to end a great relationship hurts another person the co-worker who sabotages a project scuppers it for everybody else the father who sabotages financial opportunities for himself spoils the chance of a better standard of living for his family perhaps and so on once we get into the habit of seeing the needs of the wider group rather than just our own emotional impulses it actually becomes harder to sabotage situations number 5 explore life all of life is an exploration imagine if Cinderella had decided she really couldn't go to the ball even when she'd had the opportunity or if the ugly duckling had concluded it wasn't good enough to fly high with the Swans being open to life means seeing where certain experiences will take you and accepting openly the good as well as the bad and of course if something really isn't working or is genuinely not for you that's fine but if it's really a reluctance to explore life and to experience the good and healthy then it's an area that needs some self work the mouse in our story failed to observe the bigger picture when he felt compelled to talk but you're not a mouse I'm presuming so you shouldn't live like one so I hope you found that useful and if you did please hit like and subscribe and if you want to hear where my next video is published hit the notification bell below I'm mark Terrell of uncommon knowledge and hypnosis downloads calm and if you'd like to try some of my personal development products head over to hypnosis downloads calm and take a look around and thanks for watching [Music]

Channel: Uncommon Knowledge

Views: 10,976

Rating: 4.9789104 out of 5

Keywords: stop self sabotage behaviour, self sabotage, self-sabotage, stop self sabotage, how to overcome self sabotage, remove self doubt, how to stop self sabotage, why we self sabotage, why do i mess things up, cleanse self doubt, stopping self sabotage, how to not self sabotage, stop overthinking, psychology, finding yourself, your own worst enemy, subconscious, self-help, reasons for self sabotaging behaviour, how to stop self-sabotage, how to stop self-sabotage behaviour

Id: dN7Fl5oJlLk

Length: 9min 35sec (575 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 26 2019