Self-Esteem - Episode 26

welcome to the sad voice a podcast welcome I'm sure to look at this welcome to sadboys a podcast about feelings and other things also I'm Jarvis and I'm Jordan live and here in real so we are talking about self-esteem today but we are also recording this on video for the very first time we are talking about self-esteem and you can see the self-esteem on our faces show them your self-esteem yeah so we don't know what we're doing here we don't know whether or not we should look at each other look at the camera I'm gonna assume each other I'm thinking we should both just close our eyes man we close our eyes we said we maybe don't even talk welcome to the sadboys today Jordan we're talking about self esteem why are we doing that now great question well the reason we're talking about self esteem is because it is an interesting area to mine for yes for comedy and also for insight and thoughts and emotion which is kind of the show which is kind of the whole thing yeah actually kind of weird that we haven't done self esteem before ya know I've had so many problems with my confidence and self-esteem growing up plus it's the undertone to like five episodes minimum yeah we do we do mention it a lot so I think it's important to notice for the people who are listening to the audio version of the podcast that we both have our fills coffee for the second of the day for me first for you first for me this is my 825 pickup I got up a little bit late today this is probably the closest thing we have to an actual distinction between our personalities yeah we have different accents and then also we get different fills orders everything else is pretty much aligned right right it's true pretty significantly different I I nabbed myself my classic large Istanbul tree light honey with creamy almond milk made by Tama thanks tena so mine is the small Colombian dark decaf with light honey and medium cream so if you want to maybe order one of those to our apartment we live together in this fiction in this fiction and this is my apartment in case anybody was one oh yeah Jordan's apartment it's got its got like a nice a nice backdrop I you know what I think we need of I knew something was wrong and Hebrew missing something oh look at that that's great I can hide how frequently I'm sipping from caffeine yeah yeah I got our I got our sad boy sign so Jordan hi let's let's talk about our weeks that's what we do right now yeah usually I suppose so Jarvis because this is a video essay video I say because this is a video hi I'm a writer an opinion that because I say it quickly I don't really have to research this is a video yeah I'm gonna show some unrelated b-roll so that your brain zones out and just focuses on a thing you already like to confirm your beliefs that you already hold don't worry I'm gonna say it slowly therefore I'm probably right or I'm going to explain something so simple that I can't possibly be wrong every Marvel movie has like a superhero in it it's not interesting it's really interesting how like the inclusion of superheroes in Marvel movies has had a big influence on the fact of their superhero movies yeah if you really think about it which I have because again video essayist you'll notice that no I wanted to say because we're on video live and in charged yeah live and kicking that I can demonstrate in person what it looks like when you sing the theme to my special segment alright which you do every episode and I'm so excited for people to see yeah I've received a lot of tweets about it get this on camera get this look there right how does it go [Music] probably pretty embarrassing so please don't make fun I was thinking I would just put in the audio in over my mouth talking right now everything else comes out yeah kind of harshly like it's super compressed lately recorded in a different environment it's jordans awkward and completely vexing socially awkward [ __ ] I don't remember the title of this oh that's so embarrassing for you yeah I couldn't remember the title to this segment our name is like seven letters long I of course can remember it I'm not gonna say it right now yes we don't have to again you know we're busy we're recording live I don't have time to say it yeah but I would if we had time race you totally remember in it so there's no point in yeah why you late at that point yeah I'll say it now then you can just when you do the other sounds cut right pull that in place it I'll just do it and you're cutting this out mm-hmm so how's your week turn uh it was great my awkward and or embarrassing so-and-so moment over the last week was not it didn't happen the last week it's gonna happen right now oh [ __ ] because I am going to eat a big slice of humble pie right in front of you dolls no because you know me I'm pretty much on top of all of the trends and I stay current with popular culture and I see all of the shows when they come here and that you're the leading edge ha kickflips pop shuvit sort of the main stuff surf shove it when I'm surfboards yeah yeah I'm very hit with the kids and for that reason I finally listened to Hamilton in 2005 recording this in late 2015 we should many very editors 2013 Jordan has met a young playwright he wanted to write a play he didn't know what the topic you know it happened then he also didn't know what rap was so I told him what write you taught him everything he knows yeah really great young tell me now Hamilton has become a like mid-sized success just just about right just about here it's it's coming up yeah I just cracked okay cracked wide open my people unfamiliar I mean what I've been not avoiding but I haven't had never listened to a bar of Hamilton of the actual soundtrack the waiver and sing it in the like the way that we have talked about it in the past is like it there's a with things that you can potentially like become a fan of or when people are telling you you should try things we're often hesitant to get into it because we've already got so much stuff going on we don't have time to like take on this whole new world because we want to like well that perception of having the time comes from the fact that we like to delve right I don't like the surface level experience I want to either never hear a millisecond of Hamilton yeah I want to know every single lyric to every single writer and understand like the implications historically in which isn't necessarily like the contract that you're signing but that is kind of how we think about these things because these boys are nuts and sometimes we do naughty things yeah and it just so happens okay that I finally decided that I would delve I just do it yeah I thought you told me you showed me that you had it downloaded offline on your I got it for a full two weeks on your phone saying ready to go but I finally cracked it open over the week and that's it yeah yeah in retrospect normally sure you're such a big fan it's I mean it's just really I had the note selection yeah man I'm proud of my boy Lynne yeah he did a good job I'm I'm sure take alert I Hamiltons good what's so funny to me is that I like that there I just had such a moment of pride for for lin-manuel Miranda I guess and then also you know Lynn he finally cracked it yeah he was waiting for my approval I think yeah no it's it's my brother and my brother and me I'm sure he liked the show yeah yeah I oh he would you know he's that I think he might be the dream guess oh absolutely yeah especially now especially now especially since Justin Timberlake is gone sean is yet to accept our offer to become the new way to become the new JT I think right now Lynn Miranda might be the current JT he's I think he's more than that I I really think that she's telling him sure yeah yeah like he's more than the Dalai Lama he is God okay it's a holy [ __ ] I I'm just processing this so you listen to Hamilton what was what was like what was the experience of listening like what was the environment like you never listen to anything before it's like this what was the stimulus like when it vibrated your eardrums I was so shocked confused I was wearing headphones that I've never done before and nobody else around me could appear to hear the song at some point I thought maybe Lynne was nearby it doesn't make sense very confusing but I kicks it off I went through chronologically the whole show in one sitting young Sunday afternoon basically because I've been told repeatedly by you fan and friend Lauren alexis also Alyssa McCain told that the narrative does Carey yes absolutely you may be missing some of the the binding agent but ultimately the show tracks into the officials so Hamilton is a sung through musical so save for like one piece and all the visuals obviously the entire musical is on the soundtrack it flowed very well enjoyed the characters yeah I have my favorites I have my less than favor I want to hear this I like her a lot this is of course this is not gonna become the Hamilton cast we will have one of those but this is early this is a first date yeah this is a we'll use this as a reference point for ten episodes down the line when I have memorized everything and we can do our official Hamilton yeah with Lauren presumably that would be very mean to leave her out of that but yeah first thing I did after I listen to the full soundtrack I got home and I learned the first two tracks on piano oh of course it's just like especially Aaron Burr sir Erebus has this gorgeous like three-part 7th melody thing yeah or progression oh yeah it's so good yeah again hot take alarm Hamilton's good yeah Alec slacker more I think the guy who did the music for free hand like the Hamiltons just like really impressive it's just a minute Sam if you haven't heard of Hamilton or if you don't know why it's as good as it is how are you still listening it's the perfect like it's the perfect mixture of like a bunch of different media worlds it's like pop culture hip-hop and in like musical theater and and it respects like all of those things equally and like matches them together and as mastered the craft in each case exactly it's really a very well-constructed musical I assume a very well-crafted stage play yeah it is it's incredible like the visuals of Hamilton arts are really really good oh my god that's a hot take again we're known for being rebels we're known for fighting back against the state as Gloria is 2013 and I just don't know that this will ever reach a wide audience yeah but we're here to say our early pick our up-and-comer our breakthrough star is Hamilton yeah congratulations Lynne it's lin-manuel Miranda Manuel Verdana welcome on the show any time please come on the show these guys will shoot it just like this and you'll sit between us yeah we'll talk about how this recently listened to your opus yeah we'll sit on a collective lap yeah and lie across it but the white angles for Ray to get all the Miranda and the full ver end but yeah that was pretty much my week thinking about Hamilton and thinking about how much humble pie I'll need to eat in a single swallow none none I think everyone's just really high definite said it was bad no you never said it was bad I think everyone's just excited now to be able to engage with you about it yeah don't do that don't we yeah just don't have just know that I like it okay and let that be isolated how is my week huh so I I had so I know and I see we can just cut in me asking you'll do the face thing oh yeah I like this yeah yeah there we gonna just do it live do you face my voice my accent as I opened my mouth right yeah yeah we go yeah hey Gervais how was your week man oh yeah interesting blend of archetypes that yeah started kind of cool action star trended nervous surfer yeah yeah nerf er his name is Ted nerf er still learning to stand all those waves look real big I'd love to shred the gnar but that sounds violent I like California but this is a bit much I like this guy a lot so my week has been a lot it's just been a lot of work stuff or I made a video on Monday and at the end of the video I was like you know what the video is about long-term goals and why I think that we have like a heart we often frame long term goals in this very harmful way but at the end of the video I'm like I'll see it tomorrow cuz I was like surely I'm gonna be able to make another video this is oh this is the first episode we've recorded since the Exodus oh right yeah so I guess last week Wow last week it feels like such a long period of time has passed it's Friday we're recording this on a Friday this week was pretty it was pretty super busy with work the previous week I put out for YouTube videos in one week yes which was a ton of it first time ever what's the most you've done in the week prior to that - um gotta be - I think but yeah I was really really proud of myself and and and I wanted to challenge myself creatively to do that and I I think I learned a lot from that also I really don't want to undersell this not just for videos in a week full videos back-to-back days correct back-to-back days and then a meet-up and then a meet-up so the videos were like all like I woke up like at 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning like wrote them and like film them and edited them like by like 10 a.m. or so that day so is like a real creative exercise for me to try and make my like is well produced the video as I could because I don't want to just make like hey guys um it's me it's just it's it's like 5:30 I just wanted to like talk about some stuff that's on my mind I like wanted to have it be like scripted I wanted to have it have sketches well you met and exceeded in many cases the javis Johnson video standard letting like compromise on the right a static call that my quality or the length you get those four videos out it's just like four videos that typically take you a week exactly in four days and so really what it taught me is that a lot of a lot of that is mental and I put up a lot of arbitrary roadblocks that prevent from normally making stuff on a quicker cadence so I want to use the lessons from that too one know that this is a tool in my tool kit and to to continue to hone like my my skill set for creating things cuz the way I I am big on tools and workflow and for me the production aspect of it like I dish them getting better at doing things quicker and premiere it's like I I know I know how to get the sound the way I want it faster I know how to get the color because it's like I'm also color grading these videos and doing like sound post cuz I hat and and I'm doing photography like my thumbnails I'm like learning about more about photography fundamentals and how to do post-production on photos and so it's a big learning experience and I just really love making turning tools into like an extension of myself so that I can just do what I think yeah rather than or like so the vision in my head can be like expressed rather than me fighting with the tools and compromising telling the process into expression only yeah I want to say this sentence brain and brain just says sentence as opposed to like passing out the letters exactly exactly it's like we've talked extensively in the past about how the hardest part of any project particularly a creative one is completion yeah like ideation it's a piece of piss yeah too much yeah that's why there's 17 other podcasts we all so always almost made before sad but right all right but getting sadboys to the finish line and I'm getting these videos to the finish line yeah is the part that that's the grind that's the grit that's the tedium in some cases exactly a linguistics metaphor that I would make is when you are learning a language you read everything letter by letter and then you're like okay that's the word right and when you know a language you see the word and you're able to chunk that word directly into your mind and you're even able to like read words without parsing each individual letter and that's kind of what I want my like creative skill set to be I want the tools to take a backseat you don't like creative phrasing exactly I just hit the button in my brain that says produce nice lighting environment yeah and I don't go like okay so I need a backlight and anything yeah exactly like I just go my fall life yeah and instinctually they go here here here in here I go the my soft boxes are here my windows are here let me just set up the camera here I'm gonna use this lens because I want this sort of effects and then it's just like boom let's just go and then I'm not second-guessing myself on my scripts which I typically like we'll send to Jordan or I'll send to other friends and I'll like pour over them YouTube's not all that serious sometimes I I do want to continue to do things that are higher preparedness well I think that's another thing that I wanted to mention it's like there is stuff that I can't make in a day or in a morning but a lot of times I am producing stuff it and it taking me way longer than I want and and so I'm just like trying to get over those mental hurdles helps vmi deed you know what we can do because there's a video yeah we can do our special secret handshake we always do when I congratulate you on a great video oh yeah totally but we've rehearsed a million times and we totally know anyway that's a big week after that week we had a meet-up me my echo and Joma had a meet-up at Dolores Park it went really amazingly I met a lot of cool people it was very awkward because none of us knew what we were supposed to do at a meet-up but we made it happen and then this week just a ton of work stuff was in the air and I needed to deal with it and that's life sometimes you know and so now it's Friday and I'm looking to figure out what my next game plan is VidCon is next week oh my go on VidCon sure is going to Hawaii the week after that oh my god yeah things are happening yeah big shout out to any sadboys fan going to VidCon oh yeah let us know if you're around yeah absolutely we're gonna be saying I'm at the Hyatt yeah I think you're the height as well I'm at a air B&B actually maybe a Hyatt for some Epis Oh will be oh yeah I'll be like frequently like at the Hyatt so give us a shout if you're around if you're creator if you're an industry person yeah you're community person come hang out come be friends so I guess we should jump into the topic Jordan I guess we could do sadboys I guess we could do the pact okay let's do one of those cool ads for uh for I don't know iTunes reviews that that we're so well known for yeah absolutely just seamlessly is one time she's in one take and Zeebo usual you know similar to our handshake yeah no problem okay character suggestion far away so you're gonna be a guy who works at a store okay that's fun that's an interesting can I do like a couple weeks of method training yeah yeah you can do collects a method trainee well come back in a few weeks we're back we're back that's a very bad at it okay well now I'm speaking from real experience I was a terrible store worker oh really I was just atrocious I mean it came from the fact that I at the time was you know fifteen sixteen no previous variance and I work grit or commitment right but I just could not get on board with the idea that the thing that I do might impact other people's jobs yeah so it'd be like oh EADS do an inventory check of the store and you're like hmm but what if I just didn't do it right life hack life hack walk around like you're doing the inventory because make the same amount of time and the same amount of effort the man isn't in control right all right I'm in control of my own destiny what's that I'm fired immediately of coke yes that makes sense so your store worker and Who am I you'll probably just like you're an alien that's invading under the guise of a regular human being trying to gather information about the earth easy easy I know that like the back of my hand goes like it kind of - well yeah not like I'm actually that or anything what a great infiltration method this would be yeah make good friends with a regular human and I am a regular Joe you're making a strong case and then try and figure out what makes people upset or human right doing a show about feelings alright cool so in the premises you were trying to wait which of us is trying to pitch out injuries Oh probably me that in this case hello there I am totally human and relax to buy up item from your store hello sir welcome to big big boys buying barns oh you look familiar are you the nervous surfer yeah I have to take a step down I was shredding Minar but it was too gnarly so all the weekends I work here at the store whose name I just said that I remember I remember it as well it is the store this very minimalist would you do you have with you a cool boys I've reviewed sad boys on iTunes card that gives you 25% off I let me check my wallet oh it seems while it's so slimy don't mind that you pulled it out of your leg what do you know it seems that I've left my loyalty card at home do you have any extras for me oh wait there's an alien behind you you were a regular guy coincidence hey how's it going oh wow this aliens really good at what he does I'm a yeah I'm just totally a guy and not an alien at all but that guy's pretty [ __ ] weird right and scene and you should definitely review the show on iTunes right now thanks out of interest what would your name be for the alien boy the alien name his name was a clerk I like that yeah that's kind of cute yeah gert that's like for Z I'm Claire oh [ __ ] yeah cuz I thought in that the guy who was perfectly normal is the alien and the other guy was just an item Chris I think glutes would be the nervous surfer equivalent alien Oh okey guy and then maybe barks oh yeah cool guy these these waves are really kind of big I really didn't expect this from North Lawn five I heard about the lava pits but this much yeah Wow obsidian one lemon I have to turn off the fan vamp right we do like both sides of the conversation oh yeah totally so would you like to hear a song about the Battle of New Orleans it's a song that I learned when I was in my eighth grade US history class and it goes a little something like this mm-hmm in 1814 we took a little trip along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip we took a little bacon and we took a little beans and we fought the bloody British in a town in New Orleans and that's the story of sad boys and that was me singing that you that was my part of the conversation right yeah I have an embarrassingly small understanding of American history I'm so sorry oh it's okay what was that battle about who did we get good good question fighting together I assume yeah I'm not entirely sure to be completely honest I don't remember I remember the song not and I remember some of the you know characteristics of the battle do not know why it happened from a first-person experience you were there I was not really sure why yeah because I'm dumb and you have low self-esteem Segway boom seamless segue seamless I wonder how many of our segways are just me are you saying the name of the topic in the middle of a conversation guard segue but we're like we're like talking about aliens and then it's like so today we're talking about something else but today we are talking about something else show us what we talking oh no we good oh yeah we're good it just can only record for 30 minutes at a time which is the thing that everybody does who does these video podcast so it's totally in the Canon today we are talking about self esteem having it not having it how to get it question mark where to put it question mark definitely exclamation mark yeah you definitely put it in your pocket and carry it around Locker everywhere but you carry it around like a cool boy sad voice 20% off guard so self esteem is now a selfie is something that no I don't think the Webster's dictionary defines self-esteem as so I I think if self esteem and confidence much in the same way it's like how much how much do you hold yourself up right it's like because there's internal validation and there's external validation there's the world validating your existence and then you there's you trying to validate your own existence and we need like a balance there right because if you are too far on the external side then you become Kanye mm-hmm no that's I'm sorry if you're too far on the external side then if you're too far on the internal side then you become Kanye right and you require no extent no external and if you're too far in the external then you are basically relinquishing all of your emotions and valid validity to other people what would be an equivalent of that mmm I suppose maybe a who's a slimy politician I just need everybody to love them I mean I mean the President of the United States yeah yeah I mean kind of like that that person does a lot of like basically everything they do is for people to externally validate that they are good yeah and doesn't necessarily need to be everyone it just needs to be the subset of people that you have validated as exam at as what you think of me and so where self-esteem comes in is I think it's healthy to have a balance here because you don't want to become conceited but you also don't want to just completely be depressed and out of control of your own emotions Jill and I think that self-esteem happens when you're a little like you don't have enough internal validation for yourself interesting you think it's specifically internal like self-esteem is the boss that you get from internal confidence I think so I think that's how I think about it I dig that like okay I with my own journey with self-esteem I have often not had self-esteem like I've been very self-conscious and very you know not confident in myself and over the years and throughout the journey of like living my life I've become far more confident and and brought like and the way that I saw that was I care too much about what other people think of me and I need to care more about what I think of me and I need to be more you know confident in my my own I need to love myself more and then be like just know inherently that I am like a valid person to exist you have implicit value regardless of what you do what people say about you exactly Jarvis Johnson on paper good and I will say he can get better yes get worse but neutral Jarvis is just a thought it's even when you say that I'm like uncomfortable with what she speaks like the like which is buck wild like the concept that I'm I like cringe a little bit when I have to when I save it like no I'm a valid person I I'm like a perfectly adequate human being yeah how much of do you have that I mean I'm sure there's a million contributing factors that we'll get into but how much of that do you think comes from a self-consciousness about around even acknowledging it Mike I believe that about myself but when I externalize it it seems smug Oh for me huge that's a huge part of it cuz I don't want to seem conceited I think because that could affect the way people perceive you because because when I was a kid I was like super externally validated and I think the way that that would surface is that I would brag a lot about things that I did or my accomplishments or whatever and then someone called me out on it and it like made me very self-conscious and then I kind of like went too far the other way I believe we talked about this exact interaction yeah this was how old oh this must have been like five or six superformance seven yeah yeah powerful I know yeah somebody's like internals I caught me with one comment yeah you could like well if we were like via we were adults and like the bodies of like chill like if we were infiltrating the minds or controlling like oh my goodness Android seven year olds then we could [ __ ] some people out oh yeah you could make somebody Batman or you could make them an already a great example of somebody that is too internally validated yeah what do you mean whatever be hey I'm gonna punch this guy cause I want to and I can do do I'm just thinking of that scene from Batman vs. Superman where it's like the fight scene and it's just punches yeah and it's slowing down yes regains his power that um I want to say like nerdwriter did a video essay about fight scenes in DC movies yes recently yeah yeah but how about you Jordan how do you think about self-esteem so my definition would line up perfectly especially like the idea of self-esteem being more the results of internal validation and not external validation right my question to you and I'm mentioning this only because I'm chewing on it right now and I'm rare all is what percentage let's say child teen current child teen adult Jarvis yeah oh I see what percentage internal do you require and what percentage external do you require I guess the percentage being like which one you value more oh yeah I fill up my bucket with 60% into oh I see a need for like my loadout like of like internal versus external I think when I was a kid was like ninety ten ninety internal external like III I don't like so the way I think of it it's like I had no internal validation right so I needed all this act I needed 90 % external I philia to fill up that 100 percent and then and then when I was a teenager it was like maybe 20 80 30 70 or something but even up until high school I don't think it was until college that I started to climb back into like having some sort of internal validation and and now I think I'm I don't even want to give myself I think I'm 6040 I think I'm 6040 and I want to be 50/50 so I'm 60 external I still care a little bit too much about what people think about me and I still can't give myself to benefit the doubt a little too often hmm and I want to get to the place where there's the Evan flow if someone gives me criticism I want to be able to internalize that without like taking it as a slide against my person and and I also want to like have a good idea and be able to believe it's a good idea and like not let anything deter me from from that because it's wrong the other way is like I could get really I used to be able to get really excited about a project and someone will be like but but no right and I'd be like definitely no way yeah no way and then I would just never listen do you don't like it because I don't if you don't but if you do I'm I love it but I don't exactly that's exactly that's exactly what it was like for me so how about how about you bizarrely almost the exact mirror hmm which i think is a better explanation of our dynamic than like twins people often go for brothers it's closer to like exact opposite with all of the essential features right all right we are like the you were like the villain in right history which is a Hamilton reference which I understood Lin so so like yeah you were like the venom to my spider-man oh [ __ ] yeah I'll take that one could have it vulture yeah Tom Hardy thank you said as well mmm next question I forget it edit that in you open your mouth you're talking to the computer you enhance compliment so you started out more internally validated so you were like a little pompous boy as a pompous young prince no I think I've been very fortunate in most of my life to feel quite internally validated and like any person like any human being they've been huge wavering right acts right like external impacts have affected how internally by yes but I was I think was very fortunate to have Joey cope listener fan also part-time mother of me Porter when she when she can find the time she's also she's made me a listener and a fan yeah also found the time to raise me rape well thanks joy amazing she may be the greatest gift he ever gave me was a feeling that no matter what other people thought of me right I still had inherent value yeah yeah that's big that's given me so much it's allowed me to care about projects when other people have invalidated them and it's given me the chance to feel confident about choices I've made when the major benefits and external validation may be years down the line can I can I make a weird metaphor so I was thinking about so I could I was thinking about what you said I was think about what you said and like it made me think about how these things aren't particularly static like this extra internal divide isn't static even in a given moment so it's like if I'm 50/50 mmm does that mean that I'm truly 50/50 or does it mean that like I'm 50/50 right now but the like threshold where I snap into like a 90/10 yeah like what does that look like in the way I think about this and in in your experience you had like this foundational building of internal validation I think of it it's like how ice freezes like you you like are layering like little bits of water and then like freezing it into like this foundational layers of ice whereas I feel like I'm I'm like an ice cube like I look placed in like a full 50% of water and I'm freezing it and it's like hard at the top but if you like poke through it it's still just like cold water down there yeah and it can in if and I have this like hard ice block of external validation that can just like thank yous cracked it crumbles entirely and it's all water and so what I'm trying to build I'm like working backwards I'm trying to build out that foundation on the internal side that's how it feels because I feel like there's a I can say that I'm 60/40 or I'm 50/50 but catch me outside catch me like in the wrong mood or on the wrong day like a negative thought spiral and I can easily snap into like an 80/20 interesting yeah I definitely relate to that I think type of trigger is also a major contributor right like I happen to feel very externally validated about like my height in know part of me feels it right here about how tall I write right and if somebody tries it even absolutely something tries to zing me with that there's just no world where I can care about yeah like you could in somebody's six eight ah short ass perfect no six oh he's great oh yeah just about fit under doors I very rarely HID lamps yeah people seem to dig it and I can read stuff and you actually are I think we're both in the sweet spot I'm six one you're 63 it's great where we actually get all the benefits of being tall with nunn with nunn of the detriments like if you're six eight then it's hard for you and some okay so it started to go the other way you can like the oxygens thinner that's a major problem at six a oh my god also at that height you can actually see through time to your own death yeah which i think is a negative yeah that's pretty negative but you're saying that you there are these things that you are just internally validated about that are unshakable things foundational things that's exactly right whereas there may be triggers in both of our cases be it like a physical trait that we feel insecure about or most commonly for me a criticism that was levied at me when I was very young a little like your five-year-old yeah finding your entire emotional rayray state for the rest of your life where somebody will reference like maybe I could be a little bit of a pompous kid right because of that secure internal validation somebody calls me like arrogant yeah I trigger straight to like I'm sorry why so bad about that and quite often arrogance or like confidence and comfort can be misinterpreted for arrogance but Rea even if that's the case I will default to I'm so sorry yeah an idiot I'm trying to be kind I'm trying to yeah another common one for me is making offensive jokes or jokes that just tip over the line that's writing I used to do a lot when I was like 15 read criticized rightfully for yeah something I very rarely do now at Ryan be as congressman as possible yeah but one in every 50 times I will do it yeah and as soon as it happens even if the person's wrong drag I'm so I [ __ ] it yeah it's like you're sit you're sensitive do these things because you're aware of them and when they come out you don't want to be taken you don't want to be represented by that action you want to say it like this is a 1% occurrence this is like a 0.5% of Curren and but when it comes out it can be really you like want to you want to say like oh this isn't me like this isn't this is like such a rare thing now because I've been working on this for so long and I have a lot of things I have a lot of things like that where it's like I used to get really upset and angry and stuff and it's like some of those things can still happen but they're so rare now that when they happen I'm like I'm I want I don't want to be around the world because I'm I'm like no no no this is like this needs to like go back where I'm you know it's often very difficult to delineate between things that you feel that you require external validation to validate yeah like hey your work quality and Padre ala T and things that you are receiving critical feedback on great yeah that's something that the rest of the world judges and that is what makes it valid yeah like if you make a video that's just for you yeah that's fine but your goal is for people to watch it like it right and and so and so there are things that start to like with that there are things that start to shake my confidence right like when I put out a video about our birthday trip right on my youtube channel I knew when I was making it this is for me and it's not gonna do well like from a numbers perspective but still when it like didn't do well from an understand but I still want it or when someone comments on something that's like particularly I don't know it hits on something that I am like a weakness that I do hold VIN it it it makes me think like well am i bad yeah like maybe I am because this is the thing I would hear if I was thing about being bad or being good is that they sound the same yeah I think the way I I think the same way that with your height you have this like foundational confidence that is that is unshakeable you can have the same in the opposite you can have the opposite of confidence in a very foundational way so dream sensitivity when when someone compliments or I think I think of it like this like if someone says you did a really good job on something that you are self-conscious about it's really hard for you to accept that combo you know what I mean it can't be validated yeah it's like this is a bad song like if you make a song and you're like this is bad and I hear it you're like I don't understand it's just really bad you don't see the nuances that I guess so it kind of it can go both ways in that regard what would you say are relatively uncommon traits in both camps that you hold something that you feel very internally validated about that you don't think most people do and something that you struggle to feel externally validated in that other people may be able to oh that's better really tough question so we can take another five-year break like we did between the little segment and this one yeah I might need that I might need that I don't know I don't know that minor particularly like rare or unique I think that's that's the part that I'm getting hop on like I don't need to be too unique I just eliminate like height as an example sure sure sure yeah pretty : I think that I'm like I think that I'm really confident in my ability to like pick up skills that I don't have like that's certainly not coming right right right and so for me I think when I when I visit the worst aspect of this quality is a bit like I see someone do something and I'm like I could do that mmm you know what I mean and then I have to prove that I can do it and sometimes I can and it doesn't it doesn't like that doesn't really help the problem but I but I think that there is a way to harness it which is like being able to learn learn from people from all over and like try to emulate them and having enough confidence to not say oh I could never do that but you say like how do I get there like really like what is it that path look like what is my aptitude for this like let's find out mm-hmm so that's that's a thing where I'm like very unwavering in my ability to like make something happen or make something work and then on the other side the other side was something that it's like yeah no matter what very hard to be validated externally yeah yeah I think I think it's creative stuff like yeah it's I think it's really hard for me too I'm getting better at it and I think it's valuable to improve this and my ability to accept to hear things positively but I'm definitely the guy who's like scrolling through a thousand positive comments and sees one negative one and goes no that's the one that's the one that knows what it's bad yeah and these other ones are like whatever I mean it's always difficult to shed something like that because there are benefits to being very stubborn yeah in your in your self critique you know if all boats rise with the water like if you get better at making content you're gonna feel better about it and you're gonna receive more external validation right whereas if you just hear that external validation ignore every negative comment you're not going to improve so the lightning round Jordan I want to hear I want to hear these from you and then we should get into our pen pal for the day sure lightning round so first one is something that I feel freeze it for me yes so this is this is my own question yeah yeah so so first something that you feel like you don't need that you don't you have a lot of internal validation for yeah something I feel like I have a lot of internal validation for occasionally to a fault yeah in fact often to a fault sorry would be my skill set mmm kind of inverse of what you yang my skill set in areas of expertise and in Reverse areas I don't know and things I don't understand right I'll often discount as that's just not a Jordan thing oh okay I just hey I see the kid rocks at this stuff I'm amazing at this stuff right all of that other stuff I sacrificed to be amazing at these things these are mine and those are yours I I did that when I was um whenever I would fail publicly I would try to discount like I'd be like losing a Mario Kart nibble on this is it I don't really like this yeah I'm divorcing myself from the probability that I ever could have been good right okay because you don't because then no one can judge your perform you you set expectations in like this very defensive way I didn't fail because of my lack of aptitude right commitment it's because this isn't a thing I care about yeah this isn't a thing I this isn't a thing for me I think part of that for me actually comes from growing up with EDS there were just a bunch of physical activities I wasn't allowed to do wasn't not to play any contact sports rare wasn't really allowed to I wasn't really able to run so anything that required a lot of running was very difficult for me started swimming and all of a sudden that was something that worked for me so I go into this mindset where certain exercises and certain activities are for the kid right other things are for other people and if I ever try something new and I'm not good at it that's because it's not meant for me right and how about the the opposite where no matter what like people say you can't really like accept it can't really accept it creativity is really obvious yeah yeah for me as well but to be more specific inside of that vein if yours is video-making yeah mine would be writing hmm I'm writing a lot more lately I used to write a ton just for fun and never do anything with it but with the show that I'm working on yeah calling this Sunday very it's all hearing more about it soon sure yes but whenever it comes to to writing something I will often feel confident about what I produce it's also stretching music in some cases I will share it and the second I receive positive feedback my estimations about it go down the tubes yeah it's like neutral once I've made the thing right as soon as it goes out there and somebody likes it yeah it's worse than I ever thought it was oh that's that's fascinating because it seems passively insulting like oh you think this is good right it must suck no that's not it at all it's just that as soon as it enters the public sphere yeah there's a part of my brain somewhere deep in my psyche that goes like right this isn't now just your little song like the silly little thing you put together Sunday this is now music yeah it has entered music and must not be compared to all other music ever made yeah must be compared to all other screenplays ever written this is now a podcast this is officially now a vodka so here's the thing I we one thing we haven't really touched on is like physical appearance we really we did a little bit and I think a lot of people perfect self-esteem as you can see thanks to the video yeah stuff like appearance of something that I really struggled with and I think it took a long time and it took a long time and sort of conditioning and hearing from friends and stuff fit I am you know having hair I do have an inherent value and I want to speak to that a little bit and maybe we'll talk about I think we should talk about physical appearance and in completely separate episode of tabloids and I think this conversation was great and if you want to see another episode on this topic let us know in the comments which is the thing we can say or hit us up in the normal places sadboys pod comm on twitter at sadboys pod and sadboys pod at gmail.com and if you just wish really hard we'll probably hear it yeah we're pon a star wish upon that bit of the turkey bone you get ya save say just in three times but you don't know who you're gonna get or what location now we have a pen pal today we read we do from a good friend Kwesi why MSE glasses glasses do I have my glasses I have my glasses but there's no glasses now do I want to do a voice for Kwesi uh no you sure cuz I like have like all these voices prepared oh yeah yeah give us a voice give us a voice okay I'm going to do Jordan cope this time all right but I have other voices got it totally this I've been practicing this for 24 years yeah yeah crisi right since a pen pals this is the subject line super sorry that it's so long oh I see no sweat my dear wait it's very welcome and it's a great email hey Jarvis and Justin brackets Jordan thanks that's always helpful yeah let them know cuz I get confused I read this I'm like Justin well I should have worn this to Lynn the new Justin oh wait we have diva if we have a live diva a live divas Jordan's cat diva well if you ever hear a rustling oh okay well likes to just sit down however the [ __ ] you want he acts like the podcast is a video podcast every time she is right in the action yeah she loves pen pals which is why she living here now trait she's reading question emo quite she says he's very considerately split the email into section to read on the podcast and then just nice things he said yeah so we don't read those [ __ ] external validation means nothing to us right written as stream-of-consciousness Allah the Kanye method roughly edited by Kwesi I've been going back and forth on writing this I'm a real big fan of the pod brackets first time long time question mark yeah emotional pervert sad boy bizarrely I don't think I've ever seen somebody refer to himself as a sad boy i we need to have more of that yeah okay fine put down the gun Tony Brown go yeah such a big fan that about a month ago when I was trying to meet a 7:30 a.m. assignment deadline you're giving me hives even thought my bad assignment deadline I stayed up all night programming and binging the show seriously think I lost my mind because by the time I turned in my assignment and sat in for class I swear I still heard Jordan speaking to me no I was doing that yeah yeah I was also at under the desk yeah you might have said just in a few times and then popped under the desk classic classic mistake I go say it's really inconvenient in me I'll just be on a date or getting dinner or watching a movie and then all of a sudden melt be in a location with somebody looking into a mirror and then you'll be saying something that was related to the conversation you were having yeah and then in a request his test helps me travel there yeah you have lots of frequent flyer miles do you ever notice that when you read these emails you remember that you haven't like read anything yeah thank God I went to some of my school assignment buh-buh-buh-buh-buh sushi think I lost my mind I could still hit Jordan talking to me sorry for making it weird at 12 hours stint and a 7:30 a.m. class does that to a guy understandable anyway so I'm going to be super senior college student it's like you take an extra year sometimes supertunia cool cool it's totally normal by the way and it presumably comes with powers forget about that understand super teen super senior college student and my major is computer science no I mean right film if you want to be a cougar up a podcast no very cool lots of cool people do that and one cool person doesn't do it obviously right good news is Liam Neeson interesting direction yeah good news I actually enjoy the subject matter hooray bad news I'm bad at it like real [ __ ] bad right bad at computer science he says okay not too bad because I help people debug and can explain some concepts to people right so you might be good it could be this nice on paper though on tests I panic and I feel lost and I turn it in and do bad who I mean we didn't know right this could be an entire episode yeah yeah I mean your ability to test it is a different skill or either like being able to write music and play jazz life your ability to produce in a preppin high-pressure situation and format it in a way that tracks I me I am talking about yes test but I assume that there are practices exclusive to the testing environment that aren't something you would use in a work environment right right right well yeah there's a lot to testing that it's not related to work or even in formal education to be honest which is caused me to fall behind in my original class in May 2018 and have to hopefully make the December 2018 class or be forced into 2019 I was wondering if you guys have dealt with being able unable to perform in certain contexts like deep like you totally think you understand you get tested and then grades returned and it makes you feel stupid it's sort of too late for me because my GPA is in the gutter and I'm working on getting it to look good for employers you just have to be good at CS right yeah it'll just like it if you're good at like it if he can do the work but maybe my question can help someone else oh yeah my problem is that I didn't consider myself a co student or even a proper programmer until I got the official title when I switched my major anyways I feel as if I'm behind the eight ball and I've still got one more semester no worthwhile internships this question is for both of you again and if you don't want to answer this or attach a disclaimer to it that's cool oh what can I do to make the most of my last semester I'd love to leave my subpar brackets future alma mater and land on my feet hopefully shout out to sage hope she's super suits a shout out to sage previous pen pal oh thanks so much question for writing this in shoutouts to Sage hum okay I just want to say like it's everything's fine everything that you're worried about right now like it this is not gonna be something that you think about five years from now it's gonna slowly drift away and after you're working in industry you're never gonna think about these tests and how you're a bad test taker you know it's like or how you like it's hard for you to perform under pressure I definitely feel that and I think that there are strategies that we can talk about for performing under pressure for me I like to zoom out on how much of this matters in the grand scheme of things which and if you zoom out far enough nothing does so I like really is effective if that if that if that's like your your speed yeah um and like before I went onstage for improv I would always get like jittery and as my team were always like patting each other on the back going like you're gonna do great and stuff and I would say remember we're all gonna die in none of those matters like and that's that's a like kind of dark but it's it how they would ask you to stall yeah I've heard a please horrible I'm sick so I I think just yeah zoom out is my short tip there and then for in terms of after you graduate it's just a whole different ball game I think that we like school kind of has this weird status associated with it and you think that it's gonna be an indicator of your long-term success but it because like oh I'm a 2.5 student that means that I am lowly compared to the 3.7 students you know and that's like an easy trap to fall into trust me it doesn't matter focus on what you like doing it sounds like you like doing the work figure out what like parts of that you want to continue doing and find and look for jobs that like will allow you to do that and really show off the best aspect of yourself like if you think about it really adulthood or or like the workplace is us trying to show off like skillsets that we do have so we don't I like I'm not trying to be a rice farmer because I don't think that that's like a skill that I can can show off professionally but I'm gonna talk about a list of things yeah I just don't think it for me so yeah I'm skilled enough fascinating that we talked about this directly after discussing self-esteem I yeah see the the tie so clearly but one thing we didn't talk about with self-esteem is that moving into adulthood your external validation has a drip effect on your internal validation right regardless of which one you think you lean in to more aggressively or where you value more when you enter a work environment or you help somebody with their project or you release some kind of creative endeavor that you've been fighting for for a long time yeah the external validation while nice in the moment very slowly builds up your internal validation you start to feel like oh well you have to write it 50 people like me surely left yes I think some people can close it off but you can you can let it in and and the frustrating thing about that particular advice is that the timelines long now it can't promise you that it's gonna convert immediately nor can I promise you that you will even feel it you'll just notice it in five years or so you'll look back and you're like huh that really didn't impact my overall happiness exactly something that I will that the advice that I will give somebody that did not study computer science because I'm a cool guy I spent roughly 25 minutes this last weekend trying to remember what I got in my final year of college right trying to remember what my grade was straight up couldn't remember I'm starting to forget like A's and B's and yeah couldn't tell you yeah I think I rough I got the thing that let me get me a visa that was pretty much all the day I have reason being that all of the things that I received validation from on that course be it the grades or the qualitative feedback or the way that people would react when they watched or read things that I made right hit me in the moment and then trickled into internal validation if it Rahim the way that Jordan sees himself yeah and you just have to give yourself the opportunity give yourself the time to let it trickle down exactly so give yourself a break question great question use for now and be like you were right it turned out fine also to wrap it up he goes by Kyle at Starbucks comparing it to your Seth Wow Congrats go wow thank you see Kyle could be sethi at Kyle Safi job is I'm not gonna listen to this podcast anymore but I would like to listen to follow-up ones and also learn what's going on in our lives well you can find us on twitter at jarvis that's just me actually you can find Jordan at Jordan too dica sometimes when you're on Twitter or Instagram you can find us on sadboys pod on Twitter and that's enough places sure and tell us where we can find you if we want to spend time with you or listen to your podcast actually that's the homework this week I want fans and listeners of the show to tweet to the sadboys account with their creative project Oh stimuli what you like my mind not even creative I just like however you like to spend your time your free time I mean we do have fun we do have fun do we want to sing this one yeah we're gonna say so you have a we end every show with a particular phrase we've been singing it lately no one has complained I just don't think anyone's made it to the end of the show nope and I just called an uber so we have one take we've got to get out of here let's do it - the theme of the very first track from Hamilton we love you and we're sorry boom boom alright if you like this video version of the show let us know thanks for joining so yeah thanks for watching Lin bye [Music]

Channel: Sad Boyz Podcast

Views: 31,673

Rating: 4.9525824 out of 5

Keywords: self-esteem, self-confidence, confidence, how to be confident, feeling worthless, sad boyz, sad boyz podcast, jarvis johnson, jarvis, jordan cope, jordan adika, software engineer, film school, comedy, feelings, internal validation, external validation, self improvement, personal growth, comedy podcast, comedy podcast about feelings, pen palz, emotions, emotional pervert

Id: _t2p6qtGFKs

Length: 59min 53sec (3593 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 16 2018