Seinfeld Parodies Oliver Stone's JFK - The Magic Loogie Theory

we've come to know it as the Magic Bullet theory the magic bullet enters the president's back headed downward at an angle of 17 degrees it then moves upwards in order to leave Kennedy's body from the front of his neck wound number two where it waits one point six seconds presumably in midair where it turns right then left right then left and continues in the Connolly's body at the rear of his right armpit wound number three the bullet then heads downward at an angle of 27 degrees shattering Carly's fifth rib and exiting from the light side of his chest wound number four the bullet then turns right and re-enters colony's body at his right wrist wound number five shattering the radius bone the bullet then exits Conley's wrist wound number six makes a dramatic u-turn and buries itself in the commies left thigh wound number seven from which it later falls out and is found in almost pristine condition on a stretch in a corridor Parkland Hospital probably two to three more men are down the crowd on L 10 to 12 men three teams the first shot rings out sounding like a backfire misses the car completely from 161 Kennedy stops waving as he is a colles head to slightly to the right brain 193 the second shot hits Kennedy Novello in Prague praying to 25 the president emerging from behind the roadside you can see that he's obviously been here raising his arms to his throat third shot frame 232 it's Kennedy in the back pulling him downward and forward finally you'll notice shows no signs of all of being here is visibly holding a Stetson which is impossible if his wrist has been shattered Connolly is turning here now frame 238 the fourth shot get mrs. Kennedy and takes time in the bag this is the shot that proves there were two rifles Connolly yells out my god they're going to kill us all somewhere around this time now another shot that this is the Carson quickly strikes danger and down by the right the stakes in fatal shot 3:13 takes key this is the key shot president going back and to his left from the front arrive totally inconsistent with a shot from the depository back and to the left back and to the left back and to the left hello Newman I hate you hate it I despise him one I'll tell you why let me tell now you can't tell you always tell it alright did you just tell it June 14th 1987 Mets Phillies we're enjoying a beautiful afternoon in the right-field stands when a crucial Hernandez error opens the door to a five run Phillies ninth cost the Mets the game our day was ruined there was a lot of people you know they're waiting by the players parking lot now we're coming down the ramp Newman was in front of me Hernandez was coming toward us as he passes us Newman turns and says nice game pretty boy Hernandez continued past us up the ramp then a second later something happened that changed us in a very deep and profound way from that day phone he spit on us and I screamed out I'm act then I turned and the sted ricocheted off him and it hit me wow what a story unfortunately the immutable laws of physics contradict the whole premise of your account allow me to reconstruct as if I'm a from Miss Venice as I've heard this story a number of times Newman Kramer if you'll indulge me according to your story Hernandez passes you and starts walking up the rent then you say you were struck on the right the spin tank recedes to ricochet off the temple striking Newman between the third and the fourth rib the spit then came off the rib made a right turn hitting human in the right rib causing him to drop his baseball cap the spit then splashed off the rest pauses in midair my jewel makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left ah that is one magic Lukas well that's the way it happened what happened to your head when you got hit well my head went back to the left say that again back and to the left back and to the left back and to the left so what are you saying I'm saying that the spit could not have come from behind but there had to have been a second spitter behind the bushes on the gravel erode the spitter was behind you as you claimed that would have caused your head to pitch forward so the spit could have only come from the front and to the right but that's not what they would have you believe I'm leaving Jerry's a nut the sad thing is we may never know the real truth yeah it's good all right we're coming down Keith Hernandez yeah come on Elaine let's go where are you going give me a ride downtown you know there had to have been a second spitter but who was it who had the motive that's why I've been trying to figure out the past five years what the hell are you two

Channel: Martin Winer

Views: 66,110

Rating: 4.7397261 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: -E9NkD4OmJs

Length: 6min 43sec (403 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 21 2016