Schlatt's Cookie Tier List

today's the day i'm gonna rank every single cookie known to man and i guarantee it this will upset you one second inside this box is every cookie i know i get the tier list here we're gonna go through them rank them from s to f s being the best and f being the worst and we're doing it live we're doing it live right now on twitter tv slash j schlatt the first cookie of the night chips ahoy baby i'm not gonna lie to you this is the most basic cookie imaginable this is the ground floor cookies okay it's just what you get and so i think it's fair if we put chips ahoy at a very very decent sea chips ahoy rainbow this is just chips ahoy with little m m's in it but the the problem is is that they're not m ms what is this can't with candy pieces it's a good cookie i'm putting this at a decent b it is better than regular chips ahoy next up on the list chunky chips ahoy can i be honest with you guys i have just never liked chunky cookies maybe it's because i prefer a more reasonable ratio of the dough to the chip but it's just too chocolaty i'm putting chunky at d this is just a worst cookie than even the original chewy chips ahoy baby this is where i'm gonna piss a lot of people off but because youtube has hidden the dislike button i don't care let me just rip the band-aid off chewy cookies are for terrible people this [ __ ] tastes like rubber and it feels like rubber and you should feel bad for putting this in your [ __ ] mouth chewy chips ahoy my official rating f i guess we'll get this one out of the way chips ahoy chewy with reese's in it you get one reese's cup in there chewy with reese's f gross now we move on to the better version of chips ahoy i'm excited for this ship's deluxe baby it's just a better version of chips ahoy it's crunchier the chocolate tastes better the dough tastes better everything about it's better and look at this guy look at this little elf guy the keebler elf he just looks so polite i'm putting ship's deluxe at rainbow chips deluxe and look look what it is oh is that eminem's is that actual m m's in the [ __ ] cookie you pull these out oh my god there's oh three oh my [ __ ] god here's what i used to do as a kid maybe right around it make a little perimeter and then that last bite is just the most delicious thing you will ever taste in your life this is damn near the perfect cookie i'm giving it an s famous amos i think famous amos are a very good regular chocolate chip cookie they get a nice little crisp to them a nice little crunch at the same time show me the same as guy and let me suck his dick someone in chat just said it tastes like ashes bro what does this amish guy look like i did say i would suck his dick i'm giving famous amos a very respectable bee royal dance we all remember going to grandma's house and seeing this blue tin right on the dining room table and then you'd open it and there'd be [ __ ] there'd be like [ __ ] sewing kits inside little threads of [ __ ] i don't even care about that go [ __ ] yourself grandma i want the butter cookies because you know what they're good these are these are just good cookies they're solid they don't get me out of bed every morning but i'll give them a nice b [Music] biscoff biscoff advertises these as like coffee's favorite cookie or something like that i have never seen anyone eat these with coffee here's the only time you ever eat a biscoff cookie you're eating a bisque off as some dude is getting pulled off of the united airlines flight you're just sitting there huddled up in your in your aisle seat as they drag a bloody man off the plane i have had so many bad experiences on delta that i can't give this cookie anything better than a c stuffers gingersnaps [Music] flying through the chat i'll give you this no one cool has ever eaten a gingersnap in their life you get no [ __ ] if you eat gingersnaps but i maintain this is a better biscoff cookie i love the crunch the flavor is more intense it is more powerful gingersnaps i'm giving a b oh jesus christ here it is let's talk about this frosted sugar cookies i am a [ __ ] for these cookies i cannot get away from them [Music] every [ __ ] bite you take of these tastes so good but feels so bad [Music] eating these cookies is like every dude when they jerk off it feels so good in the moment but then once you're done and you put the gay porn away it's just you just feel like [ __ ] i'm not even gonna eat the whole thing because i would actually want to die i'm getting some intrusive thoughts ah frosted sugar cookies s i'm giving these an s i really think they're good i do i think they're good the [ __ ] is this a fortune cookie [Music] a tone for your sins [Music] let's talk about milanos my grandma she'd always have a box these things lying around whenever i'd go over to her house a lot of the time i was sick i go to grammys i'd watch the early morning cartoon network cartoons and i'd have some milanos it's just such a great memory for me that being said pepperidge farm does not they just don't understand how to package [ __ ] cookies why do they do it like this every single time i wind up ripping the package or like why do you stack them on top of each other be normal man milanos are [ __ ] good though i'm giving an egg dark chocolate milanos been in love with you i have never had one never [Music] i just don't like dark chocolate it makes me feel old i feel i feel [ __ ] decrepit when i eat dark chocolate foods i start hearing stage one of the [ __ ] caretakers start playing i'm giving dark chocolate milanos [Music] mint milano cookies [ __ ] sake [ __ ] me in the ass and call me a pretty little [ __ ] dude it smells like chewing gum no no i'm sorry no it's just not for me that's why i think i'm gonna put mint milano's at e chessmen there's a middle of the road cookie no one has a bad memory with chessmen i don't know what the [ __ ] a bunch of chess men did it did to you guys jesus christ you think the cookie went into your house and killed your entire family i'm putting chessmen at a very respectable seat farmhouse cookies farmhouse cookies just get me just let me add them i just love crispy cookies [ __ ] chewing on a piece of rubber these [ __ ] cookies suck ass and dick and [ __ ] and nuts god it like melts in your mouth farmhouse is so [ __ ] good i have to give farmhouse an a because there's a better cookie out there introducing to the stand local new york cookie brand tastes [ __ ] bake shop i don't know what kind of crack they're putting into this cookie but this is the best tasting thing i've ever put in my mouth and i've put a lot of stuff in my mouth [Music] show me this take guy and i will pleasure him orally amos i'll pass on amos but tate i don't even know what you look like man i'm in kate's bake shop chocolate chip cookies s i would taste tate's taint [Laughter] but you show me these two [ __ ] lenny and larry you show me these guys i will do no such thing should i even open it this looks like the surface of [ __ ] mars bro lenny and larry's complete cookie is a cliff bar for people who want to be honest with themselves you can't eat healthy so you're buying a [ __ ] cookie that says it's healthy on it to make yourself feel better about being a fat piece of [ __ ] [Music] [ __ ] [ __ ] this is the worst cookie ever ever it's funny because i actually had a computer scientist uh he knows what you guys voted for this time and we got a whole big list and you know you're going to be banned after this stream all right let's go back into keebler elf fudge e.l fudge whatever you want to call them oh my god i think these are pretty cool they're shaped like them ernie ernie his name's ernie he is such a polite little fellow and there's always like a little quote on a little cute little quote my only problem is that i think there's a little too much filling okay on el fudge i am feeling a very respectable b keebler fudge stripes i think this is basically like the same as el fudge but it's arranged in a in just just the superior way and for that reason i'm giving fudge stripes an a sandys sandy's i am so overwhelmingly straight that the thought of that little [ __ ] elf piece of [ __ ] putting his nuts in my cookie it it makes me want to want to gag sandy's d for dick vienna fingers look at that that's beautiful this is going to take a lot of courage to say vienna fingers are just a better golden oreo you want a good golden cookie with cream inside go with vienna fingers this is a good cookie it's beet don't even worry about the fact that the elf came inside the cookie this brings me to the moment you've all been waiting for oreo oh my goodness look at this i know i've shared a lot of [ __ ] up opinions but you are out of your mind if you don't think this is milk's favorite [ __ ] cookie this is the best cookie you can dip into milk and it tastes so [ __ ] good but there's something we did with these cookies as a kid there's a way to make them better we got our fingernail underneath we pulled them apart you could do a little lick ski but then you grabbed another one and you did the same thing and what'd you do you put them together the perfect cookie oreo regular a because double stuff oreo is the perfect version of oreos now look at this look at this reveal oh the middle's all [ __ ] what oh someone's been eating them oreo double stuff s tier cookie delicious this is oreo at its finest then it starts going downhill because what's next mega stuff oreo this is just it's just too much do we see where they added two specific layers of it like they don't even have the machinery to make them i'd give oreo mega stuff let's see middle of the road you're losing points the more stuff you put in most stuff oreo i'm gonna open this package and i think that'll be enough content opening a package of most stuffed oreos is the funniest thing you can do all day [Music] let's try another one place your bets boys [Music] well [Music] there it is again i got another one [Music] oh that one's actually pretty decent but i just want you to look at it all right do you think this was supposed to happen is this what every most stuffed oreo cookie looks like oreo most stuff easiest f i've given all night easiest f fins they have thins oreo thins is a thing i guess they were thinking the same thing lenny and larry were thinking when they made a healthy [ __ ] cookie i have never seen a thin person eating oreo thins if you eat oreo thins you're just trying to make yourself feel better about eating unhealthy food because they put less calm in the middle that being said the cookie is an oreo which means it's it's decent at best i'm gonna give oreo thins a day let's talk about mint oreos bro this is vile they do oreo thins mint two i'm giving both of them e all right oreo birthday cake this is just a shitty version of the frosted sugar cookies it is if you want to be a glutton eat these man eat these don't go with this birthday cake oreos e golden oreos we feel about golden oreos boys we like them we hate them what would you write them you're the best you're the best what should i review next who was that why is that what [ __ ] memory did i just dredge up [Music] my opinion on golden oreos is quite concise golden oreos are just a worse vienna fingers all right i put these on c java chip oreos oh someone in chat said it the best if you like these that is a major major red flag why anyone on earth would want to eat a coffee flavored cookie don't you got bischoff for that you want to eat cookies with coffee nobody does it no one's ever said i want a coffee flavored cookie [ __ ] gross man [ __ ] you [ __ ] you if you like this this cookie's an f lemon oreos now let me be real i have never had one in my life how is the filling more yellow than the cookie that's just gross all right well here we go [Music] no no no no oh god you [ __ ] aftertaste [ __ ] you schleid i like those band lemon oreo f i think the moral of the story here is that oreo flavors are just not good like you can't beat the original oreo you just can't fig newtons oh for [ __ ] sake they show them like that never in my 22 years on this planet have i ever tasted a fig [ __ ] newton and it's not gonna start now i'm not even gonna [ __ ] have one big [ __ ] newton suck my dick big newton taking the express a train to the f station not a butter nutter butters just weird me out like you're telling me that no company no other company in the world can make a peanut butter flavored cookie that tastes better than this [ __ ] also [ __ ] you for calling it nutter butter you're weird i'm giving nutter butters a a date appropriately naked thing not a butter i know you had before nilla wafers oh my god as a kid me and my mom would pour all these into a into a ziploc bag crush them up with like a mallet and then we'd crush up a bunch of like chocolate chip cookies mix in some some vanilla pudding too whipped cream it was called a sand cake i don't know if you guys have ever done that nello wafers i like you but it's not it's not like that man it's not like that i'm giving you an a next up on the list uh i don't actually have them black and white cookies i tried going to the [ __ ] grocery store and a bakery they don't have them like they're hard to come by in texas maybe it's a regional thing like do you guys not know what it you guys don't know what a black and white cookie is but you guys serious is this some new york [ __ ] do you call them half moon cookies do you call them rainbow cookies this is another nostalgic thing for me because as a kid i would go on my little radio flyer i still remember this the [ __ ] radio flyer wagon all the way to the train station there was a deli right by the train station we go in there get black and white cookies and watch the trains drive by for hours very good memories of these cookies so i think it's very fair to give these cookies a b it's time to talk about stelladoro this is another extremely regional food this company new york based just like tate's these cookies are made in just the basement of some building in brooklyn oh my god i like these cookies because my dad likes these cookies these were always in the fridge i could always pick one out enjoy one and you get to pick you get the choice what do you want a vanilla one or you want a chocolate one it's perfect honestly but i have to give them an a because stelladoro does one better deladoro swiss fudge i ate more than half of them it is just so nice biting in you have a little like crumbly shortbread on the outside and a very like almost chewy like a like a soft chocolate filling on the inside it's honestly it is so different from any other cookie and it is so [ __ ] good i'm very pleased to announce that stelladoro swiss fudge gets an emphatic ass this is one of the best [ __ ] cookies out there kate still takes the cake i'd still uh something tastes taint tickle taints tank take moral of the story is that i like cookies i'm a fat [ __ ] guys i gotta go [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: jschlattLIVE

Views: 7,900,874

Keywords: jschlatt, jschlattlive, jschlatt livestream, schlatt, livestream, twitch, jschlatt twitch, jschlatt livestream highlights

Id: YxnSpj3ycIE

Length: 18min 23sec (1103 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 26 2022