Rodney Dangerfield on Jay Leno Tonight Show Aug 2001

Rodney Dangerfield's was on his way out poisonous reptiles with Jules Sylvester and jagged edge will perform as well right my first guest comedy legend Layton John well the greatest hands up of all time he's ever seen this guy in person go see him give me the MGM Grand August 23rd through September 5th the one the only Rodney Dangerfield what a crowd what a crowd I'll tell you more right now buy less because in rough shape you know unless we got told my kid be honest always be honest he said all right I'm not your kid well last week was rough I felt sick my doctor told me to go home and baby myself so I told my wife they're breastfeeding I took a leak in my pants I cried for two hours my wife she don't help either we got married I told her I like sex twice a day should be two now we'll never see each other oh my wife she's full of smart answers you kiddin before we got married I was crazy about it I told I like to go steady she told me to try prune juice they were my wife I gave up you know you're tonight I told us to look you win you're a boss from now on when it comes to sex it'll be in your hands she said you're wrong it'll be in your hands my wedding day that was a beauty I went to put the ring on she gave me the wrong finger hey that's the story my life no respect that I got no respect at all you kidnapped it all I call my psychiatrist I got no self-esteem I think I'm nothing he said don't worry about it you're not worth it where you're back to Vegas back to the MGM grand you must like it there yeah I like MGM gritty creepy right I like Vegas oh I'm too we both like Vegas yeah no yeah my wife likes to play the slots and I like to play the Jose it works out good for everybody now that I like Vega keeps me busy I like to keep busy know my age I don't want to face life I got a guy busy you know something always pops up to keep you busy and night like this morning I had a drug test I got lucky was good pot you know yeah my one thing I'm still not drinking hopes I can't handle the booze it makes me crazy yeah I don't want to end up like my old man you know man was a drunk big drunk he'd drink it oh yeah my only he saw a sign drink Canada Dry he went up there yeah I'd say you don't know who to believe like Abraham Lincoln Abe Lincoln said all men are created equal he never went to a nude beach and all I keep busy that's what I got to do with me it's easier problems problems keep even are you putting a problem my daughter she's my biggest problem yeah oh she just said you've got our own website now yeah it's cold give it to me dr. niller my trouble meet the wrong people you know I'm in a guy last week producer he offered me a job at a porno movie as if who else is in it he said just you and me really wait that's all we do a whole life about a week battle Wayne Allen when I get hungry I don't think right yeah but here today I woke up had a craving for nuts yeah that's what I'm crave I forgot what I was out craving for tea no but huh and I woke up the other day listen everyone's entitled I what the hell I woke up the other day I had a craving for nut trading her net so I spent the whole day with my wife and her mother really yeah my wife oh my wife she had problems she's going through very tough I've read the press as she broke up with a boyfriend you know what everybody go out they're not they are finding out you know effect the thinning out my wife is faking orgasms thank you yeah for my friends told me you know really hey you know you know when I think back my love with girls I didn't do it too bad huh I mean I'm no ladies man I got lucky here today you know I met her one night I met a girl - Bob we talked 15 minutes back to her place had the best sex I've ever had you know hungry made me a steak was beautiful and a way out she says to me how about some money I said oh no no money I couldn't take out of anybody we got your prize yeah how much you to love the girl her name is Valerie Du Bois you thought you told me to call her VD for sure hey Jay I got women figured out pretty good pretty good guys not to run enough I know how to make a girl say yes I asked her my bothering you but remember always have safe sex that's important I say sexy the whole life of practicing safe setting yeah in fact I want to thank all the girls who turned me down and a few who turned me upside down what am I talking about sex for ya he's not got those sex life I'm old yeah at route of Agra Phu my hung got hard you no I tato hakufu destroy ya Magus or less we gots identity I dropped the whole bump of Agri pills my toilet yeah now the lid won't stay down will oh this straw I mean I got a dog a caucus Pat you know he's fought a viagra pill now he's a pointer really the Jade a big one is to feel good stay home and I feel whole nothing Boylan to keep out of hospital little wish you know a few months ago I had experienced the hospital's hungry old nurse she conscious I guess I'm so hungry she's you're being fed right now if you put your hand behind her you feel a tube you're being fed through the tool that's enough nice to meet your family tomorrow bring two more tools okay she said what for doesn't like you and the doctor to have lunch with me Eubanks lay it on me

Channel: TheJav2110

Views: 2,818,140

Keywords: Rodney, Dangerfield, Jay, Leno, Tonight, Show, Stand-up, Comedy

Id: n3CtlGxWRY4

Length: 7min 19sec (439 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 25 2011