Comedy Legend Earthquake Funniest Jokes 😂🔥

whale hell yeah [Applause] that's right here we go good to be here in New York how y'all doing man I'm from Washington DC I'm just letting y'all know I live in L.A right now home of the fakers and I ain't talking about the people I'm talking about them goddamn Lakers yeah oh they play like they don't even practice no more like they call each other you know we play this Thursday me and four other brothers can beat the Lakers hell wrong with the Lakers they curse now Boston used to have the curse it was the curse of the Bambinos Lakers got the new curse curse of Letting Go the wrong negro you don't get rid of no Shack Nick is a gorilla thank you even slave owners know keep the big buck let the little Buck go you don't get rid of no Shack 7-1 can't nobody check them in the whole league not even that China man down in Houston now I mean can't nobody mess with him 300 pounds run like a deer man I wonder how you have a 300 pound baby I wanna know who his this was before steroids thank you I know who happy though his stepfathers oh well he moved up like wheezing I know sat real father mad to the probably in that one bedroom apartment like I should have stayed home this boy turned out to be somebody let me go woman I want to be with a real family cause I'm telling you right now and I'm 40 years old you got to make good decisions when you're 40 dog because I'm over the salary cap of life I'd have made some bad Investments I got two baby mamas and a wife I know that shit's right I still I do I've been trying to kill my baby mama legally all my life I heard that sniper was in DC I took that right up there here pumped him down I went back inside please Jesus straight down chic I bought her a ticket to Thailand he'll lay on the beach foreign [Applause] I knew I should have left that club early OSHA is the only man to beat DNA ever if Law and Order had that case they wouldn't even need a whole hour to convict it just one to do the next the new pills is in jail [Applause] and speaking of tsunami President Bush didn't even know what a tsunami was that's why that only gave five million dollars he like akimosabe wrong with the Indians I love President Bush I wish he could be president for 30 more years every time I hear that white man's talk oh Lord he give me self-esteem I'll be waking my woman up I could be president I'm smarter than this white man this ain't no John F Kennedy here oh no this ain't no goddamn John F Kennedy this is the white man from the liquor store I don't understand it though but see he did what I would have did If I Was President Hill we're having a right-hand man I'd give me a right-hand woman and I've been on this Earth for 40 years and I never met a named Connor Lisa I don't know where he found this loyal ass black woman Spitz went to congress with a bad perm and lied to Congress and told everybody I'm like black man know it's hard to get your woman to go anywhere with a bad hair dude I can't even get my a lot of my supervisor he ain't sick he drunk give me that phone it's cool though I love being in here I love Vegas I'm glad y'all had me down here I I can deal with your weather if I was in Chicago I don't understand how anybody you from Chicago oh I'm glad to hear you was in Chicago girl I don't understand how anybody live in Chicago in the wintertime that ought to be against the law I was filming a movie in Chicago with my boy Ice Cube I was about to quit that damn job I was hiding from the cold like he was the police I ain't seen the sun in a month who lives in a city that don't have a son I'm serious I was hiding from that wind like it was a supervisor [Applause] I live in L.A a white woman got ate by a shot and still got back in the water see if I could ate by a shark I wouldn't even take a shower no more I just wash up for the rest of my life he caught me slipping last week but the don't have to come out the faucer to catch me this goddamn time I don't know what it is with you white people with these animals have a respect I look I live in the ghetto dog and we respect animals you can see the hardest brother in the world he could have two guns and he'll respect the animal he'll see a squirrel not across the street ain't talking about that squirrel that bite a plug so ll at the comedy Wars this got muscles everywhere this got muscles on his neck this got too much time like I tried my stomachs and my leg and that's it no more than that I try to work out but I went to the gym that just didn't work out hell would hurting myself on purpose I'm just gonna have to pray to God on my health I have to leave my health to the Lord and I don't know what we're gonna do with Michael Jackson this just don't get it ooh my ass I don't understand this what's up with him and all these naps it's the most sleepover I ever met my goddamn life shouldn't you be working on an album with all these sleepovers these naps are costing you found another way to show your love with the kids take a little chunk of cheese a picnic or something but these naps are costing you you lost 20 million dollars over misunderstanding he said come on I thought this was his first offense if I lost 20 cent I wouldn't even hang with short people no more no you got to come to my earlobe back up then everybody talking about he can't go to jail if Martha Stewart can go to jail every could go to jail even when the verdict came in Martha Stewart sound black guilty your for lying it's me Martha the white with the gardens and and I don't know who you black people are talking about let's go back to Africa but after seeing Hotel Rwanda you can sell my tickets staying right here I take my chances with the clan how can I run a fat redneck but I can't outrun no tutus 2-2 run a 4-2 and flip-flop okay I'll run those YouTube you be running all you hear click click this man got on sandals [Applause] Roy Jones got knocked out so hard my TV moved what did this hit him with he got Club knocked out ref was like 251 252. it was another fight going on Roy was still laying there even if Johnny was alive he wouldn't represent Michael because Johnny understand white people don't forget because the next brother Johnny Cochran would have represented would have got all OJ time double life for Speed your [Applause] I went to see Hotel Rwanda great movie I don't know who you black people are talking about let's go back to Africa but you can sell my ticket at the scene in that movie I like ooh I'm glad white people came to pick me up that could be me over there hiding this I'm a cockroach that's why I can't understand how anybody black don't believe in God if you travel the world we catching hell everywhere and I don't know what your denomination is I believe in Jesus Christ and knowing Judgment Day you get to ask God one question now I know what I'm gonna ask God what did the first brother do so bad you punished all I ask now now I know what Adam and Eve did they ate the apple what the brother do cut down the apple tree was this slinging apple pies Out of Heaven what did this do Jesus please and where is he because I owe his ass an ass whooping that made it rough for everybody and I still don't understand how any black person don't believe in God nowadays the pope is dead but magic is still living that's my Pope hope ain't never put no Starbucks or no theater in my neighborhood and I used to be Catholic to the pope came to Saint Louis in a bulletproof limo and I'm like damn where that fish supposed to be God's right hand man he don't post being no bulletproof limo he ain't puffy we blessing people all out the sunroof who needs water who needs bread come on man come on false prophets stop it thank you another favorite [Music] song [Laughter] was crispy clean you know like biggie was in this don't worry y'all I'm gonna get to the jokes I don't work when I first get to my goddamn job everybody he'll be late for work if they heard this home before they pulled up to the game I gotta hit it [Music] you've been playing that while I was in traffic now they're gonna put video on when I get to the job supervisor looking out to win a out here I'll hit the lottery I'll leave this I hate your ass when you die oh you die get it hey we're gonna talk about a lot of today I I just got back from Detroit it's good to be back in America I've never seen some just sad I thought I was in Haiti [Music] was making this I was like God damn let him play this rough around here how long you been here all my life like you know you free move move move you don't have to stay here with one but brothers would testify what I'm saying loving a black woman is a gift and a curse because when you love them they love hard but when they mad them some funky oh yeah you could come home and that won't even speak to you in your own house you like how you doing how you doing oh everybody in the family know even the dog be at the gate just scratching let me out I'll take my chances in the street this is my off the training yeah only thing that worked in Kobe favorite that he wasn't married to no black woman because if you cheat on a black woman and she got proof oh leave her ass that day because if she got proof you've been around on her you rather live with Lucifer been staying there with her black hands oh they know how to hit your soul they deep they hit you real where it hurts that black women do some like cook for just her and the kids you come downstairs looking to party in that you be eating all out your son's place she told me I ain't know you was home you knew I was home I just seen your ass in the bathroom you funky bastard how you gonna cook one egg use a dirty [Music] brother Tiger Woods I'm glad that bad playing golf they was on that I've never seen no that kind of he was on his ass though he had to bring his father back from the grave what would you take your time [Applause] why you talking about leaving tiger it's a recession I believe no billion dollar you better shake that off that made somebody throwing the recession Gonna Leave me all right we've only been together for three years I meet you at the cash register because we only been there together for three years I expect you'd be in that line with 10 items or less Roy got knocked out Oscar oh this smoker took my forty two dollars come on I got hit in the living room I don't know what it was but it was the lever 42. you better get yourself up don't make the Mexicans like they doing my neighborhood he ain't one of them you ever work with a Mexican woman they make a brother look bad at your job I work with a Mexican they put a roof up in 30 minutes I had to get out the truck and get on the ladder take a branch Vineyard we got eight hours what you rushing for they just gonna give us another roof we get paid by the hour not by the roost because black people get mad if you do too much at your job you trying to be the supervisor I hope they let your ass girl you right here working like a slave I'll give me a black business believe me we'll be Mexicans serving that soul food I seen a blind Panther he was beating the wrong hole just let me record I don't work for you Monopoly money could be in the club look at all these five hundreds my be working this is a blind pill standing all on the wrong Corners here you need a grocery store on my back I swear cause ain't nobody mad at us at all that's what this terrible going on you understand because they can't pin up just the first time ever in the countries of Karim has been committed and black people ain't the suspect I'd be loving that I'll be just skipping by the police how you doing you looking for a saying that ain't you ain't no black people don't with no bombs we don't fit that profile because you got to be on time with a bond brother around over sleep boom God damn it is it 8 30 gonna around and overslept God damn it I've been in the military for 11 years so you know I have a lot of love for the troops and I you know a lot of them brothers just joined the military they joined the military just to go to college and around and the war broke out I know how they feel and I want them to be safe but coming home is a whole different thing them brothers doesn't experience War and when you didn't people have been in that war I'm telling you they are totally different when they come home and my uncle was the last person I know been to a real war he was in Vietnam and when he came back we had to have special rules for him you know you can't have firecrackers around his ass when you come in the house with Chinese food you're like that's Chinese food this ain't Charlie now some of you women gonna be dating these brothers coming back from the war women I'm giving you a public service announcement when your ass come out the shower with that towel on your head don't be talking to him with his own life he got up and put his clothes on she's like where you going I think you said you need something from the store [Applause] well this is 300 going on a pillow I think I need a whole planner I think I suck my own life oh you not man Michael Jackson did I know Michael really did some celebrities ain't dead but Mike was dead I know Michael was there we'll get up when Jermaine starts singing when you smell that was terrible I had to put the TV on mute to finish paying my respects when you smile Mike with a guy don't give me that contact you the reason why I left the roof then get your ass back on the tambourine when you smell that was terrible Lakers could have won Lakers could have beat Pistons man it could have Kobe wouldn't pass this one was shooting from the concession stand there'd be eight people on him I started thinking boy this boy must have really did rape this girl cause he can't take no for you are not open Pastor Paul Jesus Christ I can shoot eight for 48. Vegas I'm kicking with y'all y'all finally got OJ yeah yeah they got OJ I knew he told Jay he was going to jail because he went to court talking to the judge how about all my fault y'all I thought what happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas that's a commercial I knew well was crazy when he wrote the book If I killed my wife yep yep man you left blood over my house that's why you have to get good job best job I ever had was working in the Cleveland that was a good ass job I cried like a when they fired me they fired me for weighing out of people's I'll be at the club women like earthquake always got something off [Applause] the same outfit sometimes he changed clothes at the club [Applause] white dude rolling leather coat wouldn't it be ready I said the summertime [Applause] takes six months to clean this jacket because times are getting hot out here I don't care who you are I got some bad news the other day my mother said she want to live with me I put her in one of them homes he keep catching the cab over my I gotta get a restrainer on on this one should be coming by without calling me she don't know me like that my mother had a stroke so she can't take heat so I try to keep the heat real high in my career I got a picture of the Sun and everything shouldn't be she just beating on this one was a soldier it's 800 degrees in here she's holding on she body I told my mother she gonna live with me she got live by my goddamn rules them rules make me run away from home I wanted the same effect so as soon as she opened that refrigerator I like close that goddamn refrigerator same thing and then the last time you looked in it should go outside make up your mind Mama inside outside you can't keep running in and out of my house Mama you letting two land here and who is this keep calling you late at night just finally getting in recession welcome been broke all my life I have always been one chick from being homeless my ends ain't never met my ends just like me and my father we heard about each other but we never got together I love Barack the deal but I'm mad he bailed out Banks thanks charge me thirty dollars just because I'm five dollars short may they burn in hell a bank back out to let the credit you know who stimulate the credit you can live in this great country with bad credit [Music] I gotta change this when you ain't got no money I shot that like Rent-A-Center I got a toast in my house I didn't pay nine thousand dollars I'll be giving their ass 9.95 since 85 they still be called me coming to get that Captain G's for this better stop calling my house you can't move no one slice toaster hoe this is my third election cord I'd have put on this ragley any good bag or stop calling my house scaring my mama well why do you send a payment who you hollering at this between me and JC Penney's I ain't get the from you you all upset for punk ass you just one check from being on the side of this phone huh you better hope I don't recognize your voice cause I'll whoop your ass at the unemployment office what's your Myspace page so I can be your friend Circle City called me yesterday when you gonna sit in the payment I heard that one out of business I'm glad I watched the news I kept that 40 dollars they said you lost 40 million 220s ain't gonna help you yeah now be careful with them dime pieces now though that's why I be messing with nickels dime pieces don't cook you gotta drag them in the kitchen lick on my leg I don't go in that other room I'm allergic to pots and pans well you gonna break out tonight but you got to get a good job black people I'm telling you got to get a job I'm gonna tell you who you don't want to work with Mexican well they make a look bad at your job they don't take no breaks or nothing [Applause] with a Mexican they put a roof up in 30 minutes had to get on the roof take a break we got eight hours what you rushing for they just gonna give us another roof we get paid by now not by the roof take a break you ain't got no pager number and Mexicans they ain't got no job description them do everything they like Walmart One Stop shopping wait lady said something wrong with my tree that was in the tree I'm like get your ass down we roof us Rufus don't post me in no tree and put them oranges up Rufus don't sell no goddamn oranges there's some they let my black ass go and hide another Mexican I just got married marriage is rough yeah marriage is like having cable with just one channel the same come on every day like this I love you but I want to see another movie what's on Showtime please go shopping I only like being with myself every day that's why I smoke herb and just be somebody else she's like didn't you hear me calling you ain't his but you got to hang around other married people are hanging around my boy he's been married for six years the video taped since Wednesday never watched it now they watch it every day but they watch it in reverse because he said he loves himself take that ring back off that finger you up there Tuesday when the new shipment come in there you I rock an irregular shirt I don't give a the sleeve too short at the club all you gotta do is hold your drink like this look at this right there that's Devin there that's a devil man fool look like that look at that you smoke that little Chinese man put too many jobs on that piss he was in the Sweatshop he was tired I understand I know actually yeah you got the clue all you gotta do is stand like this they don't see all the jobs let's get one of them nosy say what you doing with all them jobs are you sure hey you're not supposed to be changing his name come on man you don't need no man with 400 million that's why I'm there I'm not love black woman to death I love you I like black women black slave black I like about being so black she just laying the bed look like a hole in the sheets you just gotta feel for that where you at p-i-a-f get your ass in the car almost left you where's the white hat that I bought you you can't live walk around the house and stealth mode around shoot your ass come on black woman you don't need no 400 mana come on Nita they're gonna leave a 400 million please this he wanted 200 million another you deserve 200 million if you helped me accumulate 400 but if you really work for that 400 million you ain't the woman I know cause ain't no going to let another come get the other two hundred when I found out Michael Jordan was having problems with his wife but like damn if a with 400 million can't keep a a brother with a hundred dollars ain't got a shot what do these really want from a somebody left me no I remember when you just need a good running car now 400 million these too expensive come on man you don't do that sisters for all white women don't leave that money Sister Sister leave your ass off a phone number I miss I found this number in your pocket baby that's the number to Pizza Hut where you must be a at the counter pack your get the out of here pack your I can't put up with this no more Tyrell all these numbers and white women don't leave no man well with that money you gotta kill a white oh that beats me in the castle with the checkbook you might mind a but you won't get the balance [Applause] single now don't stay single never get married again yeah I know I'm divorced I'm a state divorce yeah divorce is rough but that's one thing I gotta give credit about white men white men don't get no divorce they're killing women you try to take a white man half is up come on we going fishing get yourself in the boat tell the kids bye go ahead kiss them come on roll that way look over there what's over there [Applause] wake up the next morning [Applause] [Music] she is underneath the porch you can't kill no black woman taking her fishing first of all she ain't going this I ain't gonna damn Fisher and if you get in a boat she ain't gonna turn around look over there now who I need to look at it right there keeping my eyes all right away ain't nobody behind me you're right there

Channel: Z - Mane

Views: 1,582,217

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Id: bIFu7oEvI8M

Length: 31min 11sec (1871 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 21 2022