Roy Wood Jr.: Imperfect Messenger - Full Special

oh okay who gave me the Box ES oh you keep playing with the Box let me check back on you in a little bit box a box that's how you [ __ ] meet I I I hope you're okay I do I hope you're okay I'm not gonna ask you know I just hope you're okay it's not a question you can throw around casual anymore you know how you doing we've been through too much lost too many people and been through too much struggle you ask somebody how they doing now better be careful because they might tell you and I don't throw off your whole day you ever had somebody you don't give a damn about start sharing their pain it'll throw off your whole schedule hey what's going on man how you been well the dog called Cove in there I gotta call you back that's my back that's my bad I thought you know I didn't give a [ __ ] I'm so sorry for asking I'm so sorry start a casual question I called my Uncle that's why I knew my uncle was going through some [ __ ] I called my Uncle I said uh what's going on he said well you know ain't nothing that the ancestors can't get me through oh [ __ ] [Applause] black people that's when you know black people going through some [ __ ] when you start calling on the ancestors calling on black people floating around you're protected we should just go to show you that's how stressful it is being black even after you die you got to stay on Earth to give [ __ ] tips can't even go to heaven as soon as you get to floating up to heaven somebody down on Earth ancestors I need you ain't just a [ __ ] oh my black friend is always talking about the ancestors my white friends always talking about they forefathers which is two totally different types of dead people and look I'm not saying you're a racist if you bring up the forefathers but I am saying you have my undivided attention you know because it's not racist but it just feels it's you can have something that ain't racist but it's got the residue it's got the residue of racism on it you know what I feel like you know what just like somebody start talking about their full fights you know I feel like if you ever been somewhere and it's too many American flags just it's a little too much freedom in this space and it just don't feel right like how many American flags equal one Confederate flag I don't know what the number is but there is a number and that's how I be feeling when people get to talking about their forefathers but I ain't trying to hear that [ __ ] you know Roy this is a layered conversation with a lot of new ones and I just think we need to think about what our forefathers would hey I think my ancestors would want your forefathers to shut the [ __ ] up how about that thank you Denver Colorado what's going on how y'all doing tonight that's good I meant it that time I meant it that time we just out here trying to live man that's all we're trying to do anything to feel good that's what we after now and you can't be embarrassed for trying to do that like we try to follow all the rules and regulations but every now and then you just you just you'd be at the house you'd be like just [ __ ] it I I I'm okay if I catch it I got to get out yet the house man we're at the house dealing with all of this [ __ ] oh the viruses out there you know what else is a disease [ __ ] sadness it's tough that's why I'm mad at people whatever you got to do to feel good do that [ __ ] like at this point life is basically a crab leg and we're just all trying to work that [ __ ] and trying to find that one little nugget of feel good inside that girl oh no oh oh I found a little feel good today I found just a little bit um smallest things or sing You To The Moon you post a picture of yourself online somebody liking you was so wow we're so addicted to that that our own face ain't even enough we've lost confidence in our own face don't put a picture of yourself online without putting a filter you'll never feel too so okay that's the one on my post that's the one you gotta have dog ears on your head why don't don't run from the truth don't be putting no filters on your pictures accept the truth your mama's a nine your dad is a two it is what it is stop putting filters on yourself they got one app they got one app this [ __ ] is wild they got an app where all it do is show you what you look like when you 80. that's it that's all it'll do nothing else you take a picture of yourself now as a young person and you put it in your phone and it was on a little 80 that's it if we lost that much hope that we need a sneak preview of old age like who is it there's a sneak preview of when you 80 who is this app for like other than black men because we might not make it there but ah you never know anything man women getting plastic surgery to feel good yeah resilient butt lifts that's what they're doing fellas Brazilian butt lifts that's what the women are doing they're going down to South America do you know what the Brazilian butt lift is they go down there and they slice your booty cheek open they slice your booty open and they take some of your belly and they put it in your ass and they Stitch you up and they put you on a Spirit Airlines flight back to the States [Applause] that's what they doing which is fine I'm not hating on plastic surgery if that's your crab leg work it out do what you do my problem is that women y'all get the new ass and then you get on the internet and talk [ __ ] to men why are you attacking my self-esteem you got a belly booty congratulations go enjoy your belly booty but that's not what they do the women get the new ass and then you be bent over on Instagram look at all this ass do you have enough dick for that no ma'am I don't I don't have enough I cannot reach it from this angle man you you put a foot of meat in front of you I cannot get to it from this wait you can't move the goal post then turn around and talk [ __ ] [Applause] and turn around we got to do it front ways that's the only way white people doing what they can to feel good now I see what you're doing out there white folks white allies that's what we got now black people white allies and you got to call them that they like that white allies and we know you're a white Ally because you won't stop telling us that your job shut the [ __ ] up I just want you to know that I see you and I understand your journey and anytime you want to have a dialogue would you like to have a dialogue stop talking to your black friends about race talk to your forefathers call them up and I'm not trying to attack white folks I know you've done a lot of good [ __ ] I don't want you to think I'm taking nothing away from you and we've been seeing you out there putting in the work you got your shirts on with your little slogans you know pretty much whatever you stand for as a white person is a slogan shirt for you black live and trans live and [ __ ] hats is like a lot of merch y'all got a lot of merch in this Ally game right now which is cool because the merch the shirt does have to work for you now the shirt breaks the ice for you it's easy to be a white Ally now [ __ ] if you was a white Ally in the 90s you know how hard that [ __ ] was with no merch you just had to be nice to [ __ ] and grin at them and hope they figured it out you know how much pressure that is as a white person they can hold the elevator door open did you see what I did but you could be doing more white folks don't think that what you've done is enough we appreciate what you've done but you could do more dig deep and help out your goddamn black friends we seen what y'all was doing at the Capitol do that [ __ ] for us storm the capital for your black friends inside of every white person in this room is a capital rioter you should dig deep and find them you can storm the capital for a number of reasons that ain't got to be the only reason do it for us you think we even discussed that at the Blackman you think black people ain't discussed storming a government facility is one of the options for giving our freedom yeah but you cannot do that if you are black you can't just go grab a shotgun and go to DC and then boom [ __ ] where the freedom match you will get shot immediately immediately give a good shot you'd get shot at the house booking the flight you wouldn't even you wouldn't even get to DC storm that capital on black people's behalf and take a couple Asians which is maybe we'll get some laws passed too because that's the one thing we don't get black folks we don't get no legislation they give us everything but legislation we do all the marching and hooping and hollering and they won't pass a goddamn law we be asking for the law can you pass along so that they'll stop this [ __ ] room foreign what about a mural would you like a mural colorful images the whole crosswalk bro we want the laws what about Juneteenth as a holiday you like June teams right it's the barbecue yeah man white folks are contributing it's good it's good to see why people contribute a lot of white people contribute in black folks that we don't recognize and we got to start tipping our hat to them some white folks have been doing some really dope [ __ ] helping black folks you know you know you don't want you know one white Ally that goes unsung in my opinion is evil white actors in civil rights movies [Applause] these are unsung heroes of the movement because here's the thing if you're gonna have a black struggle movie and you're gonna tell the truth that means you have to show some heinous [ __ ] happening and to show heinous [ __ ] happening that means you need white actors being [ __ ] terrible on camera you gotta have it and I've met some of these white actors he's a good normal ass white boys they got to walk on set all nice and then just turn on the racism you know what kind of pressure they under you got to walk on set say [ __ ] for 12 hours gotta eat lunch by yourself nobody talks to you gotta walk on set all chipper and [ __ ] hey good morning how you doing gay guys hey director good to see you hey Denzel good to see you too we ready and action you are [ __ ] [Applause] we gotta go again oh my God we gotta go again I don't want to if you gonna tell the history of my people the right way every now and then you need a white actor being a heinous [ __ ] on that camera you're telling me Leo DiCaprio didn't kill it and Django Unchained Leonardo DiCaprio transformed in that movie that's one of the bravest white allies I've ever seen in my life turned into an evil ass enslaver call Jamie Foxx a [ __ ] to his face I think the CGI Jamie Foxx later Jamie Foxx was in that room and Leo was right there he'd be grabbing Kerry Washington and [ __ ] by the hair just being disrespectful [ __ ] put ten toes in the ground and go [ __ ] Jamie Foxx a [ __ ] do his face in front of Samuel L Jackson [Applause] bravery you know how they do they let us say oh Tom Cruise does his own stunts well so does Leonardo DiCaprio that's a wild stunt right next to Samuel L Jackson look Jamie Foxx dead in the face you said you would be willing to pay an exorbitant amount of money for what you consider to be the right [ __ ] well it would sing to me this lady right here is indeed the right [ __ ] same dude from Titanic yo this dude went from Titanic to enslaver near foreign [Music] Ardo DiCaprio made after Django Unchained in 2012 it was almost 10 years before he did another scene with a black co-star that's how they I'm not calling the man racist he's done movies with every minority you can get a movie with it back he's a solid dude but he knew he knew when he made that movie Once you call Jamie Foxx and Kerry Washington [ __ ] in front of Samuel Jackson you got to lay low for a decade [Applause] and that's sacrifice if anybody know Leo tell him he can come home tell him it's time we trying man anything to feel good some of us out there we're trying to just help other people to feel good that's our crab leg trying to help other people you want to and sometimes the system don't let you do everything you want to do the way you want to do it I got I got two cops in my family which which is kind of like saying some of my best friends are black what I do I got two cops in my family Chicago suburb and the Mississippi State Trooper we get to talking about everything that's going on man and I was trying to explain to them it's base level [ __ ] the police could be doing we ain't talking legislation and policy just base level [ __ ] you could do to help build a bridge to make things a little better first thing the police needs to do this this is one thing I think the police should start doing stop talking in code on the radio use regular words why y'all talking all these abbreviations and [ __ ] what are you keeping secrets Secrets is what got you in trouble all this time stop keeping secrets you ain't in Iraq you ain't giving away your position to the internet use regular work you're in front of the Walgreens I can see you everybody to see you but that ain't what the police do you heard the police talk to each other on the radio the [ __ ] is gibberish anytime the police talk to each other it's just gibberish and we'd be watching the police in the grocery store they see us looking at looking at the radio the police love to play it off act like they understood what dispatch was talking about three Adam David three Adam David today you don't know what she just said stop [ __ ] around you don't know what she just said to you you wonder why the police show up and shoot the wrong person because you ain't getting the right information through the radio slow it down slow it down use regular words all you got to do man I was I was trying to explain this [ __ ] to my cousin man like it like the other thing that would take some of the heat off the cops is that if enough of y'all just did your job right for a little while some of the heat will come off you if you do your job well enough long enough people have let a couple things slide don't let some stuff slide just do the job for a little while look at the fire department everything everybody love firefighters the truck pass by you'd be cheering for them everybody love firefighters get the same hero love as cops none of the scrutiny you've never looked at a firefighter and wondered to yourself if he's one of the good ones but don't forget firefighters in the 60s used to shoot black people in the face with water they were terrible firefighters were a bunch of terrible evil [ __ ] and then one day they had a meeting and they was like you know maybe we should just put out fires stop shooting these [ __ ] in the face with the bottom and we've been cool with the fire department ever since we love the fire department we so we so good with the fire department they don't even show up to our protests anymore that's why all this [ __ ] be burning because they're a good Ally plus if you are a racist firefighter like how would you how would you be a racist five finally you in the smoke you can't see who you saving you're a racist firefighter that mean you got to listen for race in the dark patting around you know how racist you got to be to hear Black over the crackle of flames batting around fire department call out fire department you in here I'm over here coz save me dog this floor is all clear headed upstairs [Applause] it's a lot of [ __ ] the cops could be doing man the other thing the other thing the police could do this would really build a bridge every cop in this country once a month let a [ __ ] go I'm serious not not every day not every shift not every week but just once a month let an egg come it's like someone who you know for sure should be going to jail you got them dead to right you got all the evidence you can take them in just open the car door just you good bro [Applause] real quick today let the [ __ ] try today and not for every crime I'm not saying for all crime there's certain crimes they have to be pregnant like in the murder ATF SVU like you keep the hits you know the major crimes you still got to go to jail for that but a lot of crime that's out there that cops take us to jail for you ain't got to take me to jail for this man come on dog an expired tag man don't let these folks turn you into a bill collector you you took a oath to fight crime let me go to work so I can get the money to unexpire my tags huh oh you don't have to write me a ticket for that just because it's a crime don't mean that you've got to enforce it really really dog crack you're gonna take me to jail for some crack like crack that's what you that's what we arrested people's fought still crack oh they're not a shipment of crack I'm talking about my own personal allotment for me a crack you're gonna take me to jail for a crap sir that's what you're gonna do drugs dog it's an addiction it's not criminal drop me off at the don't do crack no more building and go fight the real crime because that's how you build the bridge because the rift between good cop and bad cop in the argument it just boils down to who had a good interaction with the police that's all it boils down to and if once a month you letting the [ __ ] go you are creating allies out the ass cause that's who's going to defend you at the next protest who you think gonna defend you at the next protest you wouldn't even need all that blue lives matter flag you just start letting [ __ ] Go free once a month we got to defund the police abolish these police hang on hang on now baby hang on I had some crack on me last Thursday that brother just let me go look this is a nuanced conversation with a lot of layers to it we just need to think about what our forefathers would have wanted that's all I'm saying that's all I'm saying I'm gonna go smoke some crack I'll be right back because that's the rift all these people have had all these great experiences and then there's a lot of people who hadn't had a good experience but like if you've had a good interaction with the police especially if you're black you can't even tell nobody I had a life-changing run in with a good cop one time it's 2003 it was in South Dakota don't ask why all right it was money there was money there so I drove and I'm riding around South Dakota with Alabama plates yeah you already knew they was going to pull me over on that I was in South Dakota and the cop pulls me over and I blow a 0.07 which isn't the legal limit but it's close I can feel the judgment it's not the legal limit but it's close and it's negative 20 outside it's negative 20 degrees outside so cold that I passed the first breathalyzer like the wind the wind is swirling and it's coming back through the tube and I blew up what blew through the tube I blew like a 0.01 the first time I looked at the cop I was like well I'm Victorious and the cop was like nah dog you got to get in the car let's run it back that's two out of three come on back [Applause] and I get in the car I blow a 0.07 and the cop I can see him deciding whether or not he's going to take me in on this one and I started explaining to him the situation I say sir before you make a decision on whether or not you're going to charge me with this bus driving drunk driving thing I need to let you know that I am a stand-up comedian who drives from state to state my driver's license literally is my employment permit without that I cannot I will effectively be unemployed and I can see the cop thinking about it the cop goes all right well here's what we gonna do man rather than take you to jail give me the keys to your car and I want you to walk back to your hotel negative 20. two miles or be unemployed which do you choose what what I said thank you sir and I'm looking to froze [Applause] okay something two miles and negative 20 might as well have been 40 miles like it I almost died I almost died but the next morning I go down to the front desk of the hotel and I'll be damned this police officer was a man of his word at the front desk was my car keys and he had them wrapped up in a nice little Jesus brochure I didn't like that I didn't like because he was treating me like I needed a and like like I needed Jesus or something he had all the Bible verses of the little bro you might like you get drunk and they give you them get your [ __ ] together brochures she had my car keys stuffed in a bunch of them get your [ __ ] together brochures and I'm like I don't need Jesus I just need to use my turn signal we would have never met but that moment man that moment changed my trajectory for the rest of my life I never buzzed drive drunk Drive never did anything or the like again and I didn't have to go to jail to learn that lesson and I'm thankful to that cop for doing that like I really appreciated that and it's a story I never forgot and it's also a story I could never share at a black barbershop they would run me out of the barbershop as soon as I go in the barbershop and say I sat in the front seat of a police car ah get the [ __ ] out of here oh shut your ass up because this is the thing if you're black and you had a good run-in with the police you're basically the farmer that saw the alien that's who you are that's how you sound you sound like the farmer who said I'm telling you what I saw it was some Bright Lights something gladly didn't just let me go right man shut your ass up the last black person to have a positive interaction with the police and speak about it on the record is Ice Cube just yesterday them fools tried to blast me saw the police and they that was 30 years ago yo and we never forgot that one cop and he didn't even do [ __ ] to Ice Cube he didn't pull him over and give him ice cream he just let him go like that cop saw Ice Cube and drove off and Ice Cube was like oh [ __ ] I gotta go to the studio right now call DJ Pooh we got to [ __ ] make a track about this [ __ ] what's the score of the lake of SuperSonic game [Applause] anything to feel good that's what we're trying to do man anything to feel good but you got to be careful though there's a lot of people out there the only way they know how to feel good is to make you feel bad you got to keep your head on the swivel for these folks because they out there and they ain't doing well he ain't doing well they got a full clip they got an empty heart and they ain't had a crab leg in a long time you got to keep your head on the swivel them folks got guns they ready to shoot up whatever anywhere that's why we got to bring back profiling I'm sorry I'm gonna be real I know it ain't worked out well for us but there's a lot of different ways you can profile not just racial I ain't say racial profiling just bring back profiling trying to stop these mass shootings there's certain stuff you got to be looking for on people in public like when I'm out I'll be checking everybody's haircut that's the first thing I look at I don't trust nobody with a messed up haircut it's too many different ways to Edge yourself up for three dollars look go look at the mug shot look at the mugshot of any man shooter all of them [ __ ] up haircut just sideways yeah that's what we need to be focused on every time a mass shooting happened we ask all the wrong questions what about what about mental health awareness what about what about the gun laws [ __ ] all that who was his Barber who gave him the murder cut that's who we need to talk to you have to be on the lookout you got to be on the lookout in this country for people that ain't doing well I was in Home Depot to do I was walking into Home Depot the dude in front of me was walking diagonally I was like I'm good I left I went to Lowe's I was like I get out of here wouldn't be around no diagonals I am a perpendicular American and I don't trust I wouldn't talk to the manager everything I turned into a Karen I went to the manager I was like you know you got some diagonals in here I'm gonna go ahead and find these diagonals and get them out bad shootings man mass shootings especially [ __ ] up if you're from the hood it's especially messed up if you from the hood a mass shooting that was the whole point of getting out the hood was to get away from the murder that's what they tell you growing up in the hood get you an education get you a job get out there and see the world well [ __ ] I did they shooting over there too I'm back I'm better off here the whole time say what you want about the hood but at least they shoot my [ __ ] one at a time you got a chance I understand gentrification now I get it white folks coming back around black people with space welcome back welcome back oh my god did you see all that murder out there it's okay I'm an ally good to meet you where can I get some almond milk around here oh it's okay I'll buy the block but good to meet you though good to meet you [Music] you got to watch out for these folks recognize the signs and the people that you care about check on them because there's some people out there the only way they know how to feel good is to make themselves feel bad happiness is such a foreign concept to them that the moment that happiness even remotely presents itself they'll self-sabotage it we all been there you got to recognize these people who make themselves feel bad you know who they are in your circles it's the people in your in your in your phone that don't do nothing but watch documentaries you you got to check on these people them documentary people there's something wrong with them and I'm not attacking you if that's your crab leg hey enjoy your crab leg but here's the thing here's the thing with them documentaries the problem with your documentary people is that y'all watch like eight nine of them in a row and then keep recommending them to us and recommending and recommending and have you seen the documentary about the [ __ ] no no it's the last five you told me to watch [Applause] and I'm not saying don't watch documentaries I love a good documentary but after two documentaries I'd watch me the Paw Patrol movie for balance yeah you need Leverage to be watching all them documentaries in a row you know them documentary people they never in a good mood you know the problem with them with your documentary people is that y'all don't like you got to be more excited when you pitching it y'all never you're never upbeat you know I would watch a documentary if you came to hey man I saw a great documentary about the end of the world to a good documentary but that's not how y'all come to us y'all come to us all cryptic and [ __ ] I just saw a documentary about the thing and they found two fingers inside the tire of the car and they traced their fingers back to a Whopper oh man all I'm saying if you watch a couple documentaries man you got to break it up watching Fresh Prince rerun do something else respectfully I don't know you but respectfully hmm yeah watch too many of them documentaries you become a diagonal I don't want that for you seems like a nice perpendicular woman right there it's the same thing with civil rights movies same thing same thing with civil rights movies I watch them I watch the Civil Rights movie but you can't watch too many civil rights movies it'll alter you no matter of fact matter of fact I think all these streaming like all these streaming services they should black people shouldn't be allowed to watch more than two a year just to help keep us calm for our own mental health you should not be like because because you know what they do like you watch one slavery and then the algorithm show you 12 most slaveries to choose from you cannot watch 12 slaveries in a week and be normal you'd be walking around work man the [ __ ] dude two slavery Max like that's like after you watch your second slavery like a prop should just come up on the screen hey dog that's enough you good bro you you caught up just watch your two slaveries and you keep it moving man did you know there's a PAW Patrol movie let me give you the Paw Patrol movie real quick I know a lot of people don't like those movies I understand it I understand the feeling it's black pain it's terrible [ __ ] being documented on screen people making money off of it you know but our history got to be somewhere it ain't in the textbooks so we get some better options we just got to have a couple struggle movies every now and then it is what it is would throw me off though I'd be watching them civil rights movies man would throw me off I'll watch the silver Rights Movement but like oh damn that was a good ass movie then two weeks later you find out the main black dude in the movie is British got me there's some black bricks they good the anger is a compliment them black breath said they so good they feel like betrayal you be watching the movie this [ __ ] be Martin Luther King I Have a Dream even in a dream and I'll be dreaming in the dream then you see him two weeks later in the interview well my job is wearing a Jubal and that damn all right otherwise Dr King talking like this and this might not be an issue for most people but every black person remember the day they found out Idris Elba wasn't from Baltimore oh my God that was a troubling day in the Black American community it's like finding out your daddy wasn't your daddy it's just Alba that's Stringer Bell from The Wire that string of Bell dog like nah Dawn that [ __ ] from over there no he ain't you shut the [ __ ] up and then you saw interest you saw him and then you saw him in the interview well I tell you for breakfast men love a warm bowl of beans this [ __ ] eat beans for breakfast oh not my dog not my dog oh I think I think part of the rift between black Americans and black Brits it just boils down to we don't know enough about foreign black people's struggle we don't know enough about black British people because they don't teach us their history and if I don't know your pain I can't trust you to portray mine on camera that's the that's the issue but it ain't black Brit's fault it ain't their fault we don't know [ __ ] about the history they ain't teaching US foreign racism in America we ain't learning about the struggle across the diaspora we just now learning about Tulsa that [ __ ] happened around the corner yeah we did we too busy learning Roman numerals in America they ain't teaching you about the struggle across the diaspora they only gonna teach you rub thank God I know the Roman numerals now I know which Super Bowl we own [ __ ] idiots so a different type of [ __ ] pull up to the country you don't know [ __ ] about him we all know nothing about Brits it's not for real and then on the same token black Brits don't know nothing about us you know they ain't learning American racism over there they ain't learning in England [ __ ] you think they learn about American racism and England is racism corporate headquarters like that's that is where it's created so you know these black Brits coming over here they don't even know that they're walking into a situation that benefits them more than the people that's been on the ground longer than them and that's the rift we just don't know don't know [ __ ] man there's got to be something going on in England man there's got to be some racism over there man they ran off Meghan Markle did I jacked up your country got to be to not [ __ ] with Meghan Markle you don't [ __ ] with Megan Michael they ran out of there one of our best biracial double agents they sniffed out immediately Meghan Markle could pass for eight nine different races in America but in England they was like no something's off with that good too many nigglers in her nablas if you don't know all right England was so racist to Meghan Markle she came back to America and stayed at Tyler Perry's house do you understand how frustrated you have to be with racism a pain that only Medea could fix then then she talks to Oprah she was dealing with so much racism she had to talk to two of the most powerful black women in the country had to get Medea and Oprah had to double up and po Oprah Winfrey Oprah Oprah was interviewing Meghan Markle Oprah didn't have no solutions for that woman that's how complicated racism is in England Oprah couldn't help her Oprah Oprah this is a woman who has built her Empire on giving us solutions to our problems it's all Opus dungeons in the new [ __ ] the the talk show she had the damn magazine she's got a TV network it's all promoting positive imagery to make you a better you making Marco sit down in that backyard with Oprah open for two hours all she did was make faces couldn't help me and Meghan Markle poured her heart out to Oprah Oprah was just sitting there I can't help you with that baby you got to talk to the ancestors huh Gail let's go I can't help her we got to go girl these civil rights movies man they're painful but they're necessary to me one of the best civil rights movies of all time is the original Fast and Furious he wasn't I'm sure you have your favorite but the original not the sequels it happened to the original the OG Fast and Furious that's one of the most powerful [ __ ] films Paul Walker if you don't remember if you never saw the OG Fast and Furious Paul Walker Paul Walker is a cop in this movie Paul Walker's job in the movie is to go undercover and take down a treacherous street racing game that's being run by black mexican-looking Dominican Italian Persian whatever Vin Diesel is he's got to take him down he's got to take him down and he does his job Paul Walker does his job then diesel finds out he's a cop takes off Paul Walker peeps game Vin Diesel crashes Paul Walker gives Vin Diesel the keys to his car then diesel speeds away to freedom and for the next dime 10-15 sequels all Vin Diesel is done is saved the world over and over again with nothing but minorities it's beautiful all he's done is hire minorities left and right formed a bipart coalition of street races he hired Tyrese he hired ludicrous he had Bow Wow he had Ja Rule had Michelle Rodriguez grab the Asian from Tokyo drifts Eva Mendes even Wonder Woman was in one of the damn movies he hired the rock whatever the [ __ ] he is the original Fast and Furious is proof of what a minority is capable of if every now and then the police just let a [ __ ] go foreign [Music] I'm just saying it's the only civil rights movie with a sequel I'll say that I like say almost Selma ain't got no sequel do it no you don't ain't no Selma 2 Mo Selma still walking Mo Selma I'm gonna email Ava Duvernay man I'm gonna pitch that I'm like Ava I got an idea of a new Selma oh man anything to feel good anything to feel good we got people out there man they doing whatever they can to feel good they're helping other people that's their crab leg and I've liked that I love seeing charity philanthropy people pouring into other people you know you know I really loved seeing the last couple years is seeing all of these celebrities that's getting folks out of jail now that's dope that that's been dope to see these celebrities ain't messing around ain't damn Maya Moore from the WNBA Alicia Keys and Kim Kardashian even Kim Kardashian's ass got somebody else no matter how you feel about Kim Kardashian you gotta [ __ ] tip that ass that's got a black woman freaking appreciate it them celebrities make it look easy as hell too they be getting folks out of jail the way you get folks in VIP yeah that's my homeboy Rec Tech him and him they good yeah get them out yeah get right there next to the electric chair that's him dude get him out okay what I don't like though what I don't like is what's weird is that when a celebrity gets somebody free that's the one time they become humble that's backwards as soon as they get somebody out of prison they bring them to the freedom conference and they put them up front and then here they uh they are free and this is this moment is about them no if I got you out the jaws of Injustice I'm being your [ __ ] P Diddy immediately I would [ __ ] Puff Daddy that press conference I'd pushed a free ass out the way boom I'm the one Freedom it's simple and I would Birmingham Alabama 205 represent three five Two Eleven [ __ ] and he free cause of me dog what's up cause that's how you get other celebrities on board you make them jealous because it ain't enough celebrities doing that [ __ ] but it's a lot of celebrities talking about what Diamond they got and what car they got and look at my house [ __ ] how many people have you freed from prison Flex that that's what you should be playing cause I tell you right now if I got somebody free from the federal government that's like beating the 96 bulls do you understand if I got somebody free from the federal government that's all you would know about me for the next five years [ __ ] wouldn't be allowed to go nowhere without me I've just done them ventriloquist that [ __ ] get me on my hip right here for five come on [ __ ] I got you out we going we going to Waffle House come with me [ __ ] I'd walk the red carpet with him so Roy I see on the red carpet what are you wearing his name is Keith I got him out this is my dog how you doing see say something to the people Keith I'm happy to be free good job I love seeing it and it was in seeing those celebrities get people out of jail that I finally found my crab leg I was like I'm gonna get me somebody out you know got me a little bit of celebrity I've been on BET three times you know no my YouTube channel got a hundred thousand subscribers in it that's nothing to clap at that's no money yeah I I I figured it out man my childhood next door neighbor is in prison for murder he's been gone 20 years so far and when I say and I want to say next door neighbor I mean literally next door like like on report card day we could hear each other's ass whoopings you know like that you know in the hood on report card day you know it sounded like a zombie attack all over the neighborhood [Music] when you get to the bus stop the next morning and tease each other remember I heard your ass whooping that wasn't my ass look my dog Johnny Lee man Johnny Lee that's an Alabama ass name for your asses yes baby Johnny do you know him yes Johnny Lee my dog Johnny Lee man he was a getaway driver in a robbery that turned into a murder he didn't pull the trigger wasn't even in the store but state Alabama gave him 99 years and I don't know what the laws are here but in Alabama the law is basically if I'm with you and you murdered we murdered which damn that they murdered and I understand the spirit of the law is to make you watch The Company You Keep but it's a lot of court systems they use that law to lock up two people for the price of one and it don't feel right don't feel right it's the same thing with drugs who do the same same thing with drugs like if I'm with you and you got cracked somehow we got crack how we both got cut it's one it's a crack we cannot both smoke hey quit you seem to crack papers my mouthpiece we can't there's no couples crack pipe like we cannot lady in the trance look I can see if they found a crack hookah okay fine you could got them can you smoke crack of the hookah I don't know we'll talk about it later but that's the law so 99 years was the sentence and I know that part of it I know that part of it is who they killed they killed this man Mr Muhammad man and Mr Muhammad he ran a black owned record store in Birmingham get a black business owner this man ran This Record Store for years there's assault of the community sidebar young people a record store is a place in the before times there was a building you would go to to buy the music it did not just come to your phone you had to go to a building and then you say do you have the music and then they would say yes or no and then you would leave them all a mall is a place there used to be jobs and happiness it was a dope spot old people would come there and exercise it was a good hang but Mr Muhammad man Mr Muhammad took the money he made from that record store and he'd pull it right back into the black community in Birmingham he would mentorship programs police athletic leagues hit by Blazers for kids to wear the job interviews all the time this is how much he loved black people he supported local rappers cyber white people local rappers are terrible foreign should never be supported 98 of the rappers from where you live are terrible they are not going to make it but Mr Mr Muhammad he supported him because he knew if they was in the studio they wasn't on the street supported them that means supported supporting them gave him Prime real estate in the record we'll put their albums by the register well you could see it then guilt you into buying and supporting local you'd show up today I'd show up to the record store to buy cash money or Master P or whatever and he didn't size you up oh okay you support New Orleans but I don't see you supporting Birmingham stare at you with them civil rights eyes hmm you buying all these out of town rappers you ain't even bought the new buckle up knuckle up volume two it's like whoever I didn't even know they had a volume one I got that one right here too young blood ain't no thing support both of them you lead a record store at 80 worth of music supported me that store supported me I used to do prank phone calls back in the day prank phone calls was my first Hustle the people who know they know and so they would take my pranks and put them in the store and help me sell them and that little bit of money that I made in that store from selling them prank calls that was the difference between sleeping in my car and sleeping in a hotel on the road like that money yeah a lot of money because it was either Mr Muhammad or her son Darius it's usually his son Darius Darius the one who called me up every week to give me an accountant on Monday morning you you wanted a call from Darius because that means you had some bread coming a young blood good news your soul three come on down here and get you 18 Young Blood and I had raced to that store to get them 18 because that little bit of money saved my life dog that store supported people and that's who they killed that's who they killed and I don't I'm not gonna sit here and say that 20 years is enough time but I know 99 ain't the number either so I called up Darius I called up Mr Muhammad's son I called up Darius and wait we're cool but we don't talk on the regular but we cool enough and I call up Darius and I start walking walking him through what I'm thinking about trying to get Johnny Lee trying to get him eligible for parole and Darius stop me dead in my tracks he said Roy if that man gets out of prison it'll kill my mama too and that's something I've never considered in the whole time that I've been thinking about doing this because the thing is that once you get locked in on something what you want to do and what your agenda is you forget about all the other people that have been affected by something and I lost sight of that I ain't never had nobody in my family murdered so I I didn't even have the perspective I learned two things in talking and talking to his brother first thing I learned number one if it ain't your pain it ain't your place to tell somebody when to get past something so wait folks be suffering and dealing with stuff you need to get over there man you gotta let them process that that's their Journey as they journey and I hope that brother will forgive me because what I did was hella disrespectful you 20 years past the death of your father and some goofy ass comedian called you go hey man I saw Kim Kardashian fat ass get somebody out of the foot when you say you and me help getting up I just hope the brother forgive me man I was just trying to feel good the other thing I learned in talking to this brother is also famous enough to get nobody out of prison in town I ain't got the resume I need to host The Daily Show correspondent Ain't Enough that might be enough in Colorado but trust me it ain't enough in Alabama ain't but two people getting you out of prison in Alabama that's Nick Saban and barbecues that's it [Applause] but I understand what Darius is going through I understand what that brother is going through in the sense of Revenge you know anything to feel good and a lot of us the only way we know how to feel good is to get revenge on somebody else and I'm here to tell you do feel good oh my God Revenge feel good I ain't saying it's full of nutrients it ain't gonna help you in the long run but in the short run it feels good to get a little revenge on somebody sometimes cause Revenge that's an Impulse we learn at an early age we learn Revenge early it's not taught it's something that's just in us because you see someone who got away with something and they ain't got they thought behind the ear yet and you gotta make the world right my son when he was four bit a kid at school four years old just Chomp down on another boy's flesh just chocolate like rottweiler like he didn't bite and disengage and so so we go to the school we go to the school for the bike meeting you know that's what they do with the parents they sit down and sit us down for the bite meeting and coming to find out a bite meeting my boy bit the same kid that bit him the year before that's all in the game fam [Applause] this is not an incident this is justice like I was proud I was proud of my boy because not only did he bite this child but he waited a year to do it do you know how diabolical that is throwing a rock from across the park you gotta lure somebody in to bite him that means you got to earn their trust you gotta share snacks you got to share toys and then one day on the yard when the CEO wasn't looking like a job dog good job with that we act like revenge is a substitute for healing and that's the problem revenge is not a substitute for healing because no matter what no matter what wrong has been done to you no matter how mean you think somebody did you at the end of the day it's on you to heal yourself forgiveness is an internal Journey it's the truth so you can be mad at them as long as you want but it ain't gonna fix what you got to [ __ ] do that work on your own but in the meantime talk that [ __ ] this concept of Never Letting Go of something even after people have apologized even after people have tried to work with you to heal on it I understand if you don't understand that go to a Civil Rights Museum and then you'll understand the concept of never forgiving because you go to the Civil Rights Museum I don't know about y'all but I when I leave the Civil Rights Museum I am not in a forgiving mood I'm not ready to have a dialogue it's a civil rights move that's why I like the way they designed these new civil rights museums they've been building where they put a bunch of good news right before the exit have you seen that the new civil rights museums all of them just it's struggle struggle struggle every level it's your struggle struggle struggle and then you get up to the top level right before you leave it's like yeah Whitney Houston Obama Easter egg and you're leaving you feel good like ah yeah it is some good news I like that Easter Ray I ain't gonna fight no white people today I feel good did you go to the Civil Rights Museum you don't want to let that [ __ ] go [ __ ] didn't even happen to me that's not my generation but it is my history and I'm still mad still mad and it's been way more than 20 [ __ ] years you go through these pictures you know what's wild about the Civil Rights Museum is that you you can look at these pictures of these people it's black people being defamed being defiled and just syrup in the head and people hitting them with sticks and what's Wild is to realize in that moment that most of the people in those pictures are still alive that's the wild [ __ ] about a Civil Rights Museum they are showing you people that are mostly still taking in breath on this Earth the black people in the picture live so if they alive [ __ ] that mean the white people in the picture alive too where they at that's who I want to have a dialogue with track down these [ __ ] but you can't find them because in the picture they all nice and young you don't know what they look like today at old age if only there was an app I hope you feel good Denver good night thank you all I hope you feel good thank you all you've been playing in this box this whole time [Music]

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 459,831

Keywords: Roy Wood Jr, Roy Wood Jr No One Loves You, No One Loves You, Roy Wood Jr stand up, Roy Wood Jr comedian, Roy Wood Jr comedy, Roy Wood Jr special, Roy Wood Jr the daily show, stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, funny, funny video, comedy videos, jokes, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, humor, best comedy, best stand up, best of stand up comedy, full stand up special, roy wood jr. full special, roy wood jr. comedy special, best of roy wood jr.

Id: 3917GUlD1l0

Length: 64min 52sec (3892 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 23 2023