r/Askreddit What's Your Night Shift Horror Story?

welcome to our slash ask reddit where we have two ask reddit questions for you today our first ask reddit question is what's the best joke you know our first reply from stambom an irishman walks into a pub what do you have the bartender asks give me three pints of guinness please says the man the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to sip them alternatively the first one the next one and then the third one until they're all gone he then orders three more sir says the bartender i know you like them cold you don't have to order three at a time i can keep an eye on you and when you get low i'll bring you a fresh cold one you don't understand the man says i have two brothers one in australia and one in the states we made about each other that every saturday night we'd still drink together so right now my brothers have three guinness doubts too and we're drinking together what a wonderful tradition the bartender says smiling every week after that the man comes into the bar and orders three beers but one week he only orders two he drinks him and orders two more i know what your tradition is says the bartender sadly and i just like to say that i'm sorry that one of your brothers died oh my brothers are fine says the man i just quit drinking our next reply is from lg evil lawn gnome a guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender i'll show you something amazing for a beer the bartender agrees the guy pulls out a 10-inch pianist from his pocket and sets him on the bar he starts playing a mini piano beautifully the bartender clearly impressed says where the hell did you find that little man the guy says i've got a tiny wizard in my other pocket for another beer you can make a wish the bartender agrees and says wizard i'd like 100 000 bucks suddenly the bar fails with 100 000 ducks the bartender confused and angry says what the hell made i didn't want 100 000 ducks the guy responds oh you think i wanted a 10 inch pianist beneath that i like the thinking of sanmu but he's got an ice machine and a cleaver 100 000 ducks at 5.7 pounds of duck to rest equals 570 pounds of duck meat duck parts go for all sorts of prices foie gras for example goes for 12 dollars a pound but let's say the whole duck wholesale prices at two dollars a pound the bartender would come out of this with one million 140 thousand dollars our next reply is from sergeant skillcraft my all-time favorite nutella parties there was this man in bulgaria who drove trains for a living he loved his job driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child he loved to make the train go as fast as possible unfortunately one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash he made it out but one person had died well needless to say he went to court over this incident he was found guilty and was sentenced to death by electrocution when the day of the execution came he requested a single banana as his last meal after eating the banana he was strapped into the electric chair the switch was flown sparks flew and smoke filled the air but nothing happened the man was perfectly fine well at the time there was an old bulgarian law that said that a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention so the man was allowed to go free somehow he managed to get his old job back driving the train having not learned his lesson at all he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon once again he caused a train to crash this time killing two people the trial went much the same as the first resulting in a sentence of execution for his final meal the man requested two bananas after eating the bananas he was strapped into the electric chair the switch was thrown sparks flew smoke filled the room and the man was once again unharmed well this of course meant that he was free to go and once again he somehow managed to get his old job back to what should have been a surprise to no one he crashed yet another train and killed three people and so he once again found himself being sentenced to death on the day of his execution he requested his final meal three bananas you know what no said the executioner i've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed i'm not giving you a thing to eat i don't know what the bananas do to help you stay alive but we're strapping you in and doing this now well it was against protocol but the man was trapped into the electric chair without a last meal the switch was pulled sparks flew smoke filled the room and the man was still unharmed the executioner was speechless the man looked at the executioner and said oh the bananas had nothing to do with it i'm just a bad conductor i find this joke both shocking and revolting our next reply from big attorney i went to a beekeeper to get 12 b's he counted and gave me 13. i said sir you gave me an extra he said nah that's a freebie our next replies from victor blint muscle what's the difference between a hippo and a zippo one is very heavy and the other is a little lighter our next reply is from klg aviation what did cinderella say when she got to the ball i told this to my family when i was like 11 it went over well and then beneath that my young padawan replies you just gave me a horrible flashback i told the following joke to my dad as a sweet little 11 year old girl it was originally longer but this is all that i can remember you get the picture anyway what is harry on one end and smooth on the other it comes in different lengths and sizes it can be used by both men and women both morning and night when used it spreads white stuff rhythmic movement is key it's a toothbrush our next ask reddit question is what are your night shift horror stories now a fair warning on this one usually my content is pretty clean but some of the stories on this ask reddit question are really dark so consider this your warning our next reply is from throne i used to work night shift at a 24-hour walmart customers are nuts enough in the daytime but they became weird after midnight i once had an elderly guy come in wearing only a jean jacket and fishnet stockings he came up to my register leaned in and asked if we carried anything to get rid of lice you know those plastic barriers that all stores have now to protect cashiers they need to keep those even after the pandemic ends i've lost count of the times the customers got into my personal space to ask about products for fleas lice rashes etc and beneath that blue cork points out well if i've got a rash i'm not going to scream down the aisle hey where's the dick cream our next reply is from odd42 i was an orderly in a hospital two of us were sitting in the basement office adjacent to the morgue a guy passed our office looking at us a little shifty he came back again and asked if we had access to the morgue we said yeah thinking he was doing a pickup for a funeral home but that seems strange given that it was close to midnight nope he wanted to pay us to let him in and leave him alone with the bodies for an hour we escorted him up to security apparently he's tried this in the past because security knew him beneath that someone adds another story and this story is so ridiculous that i'm really hesitant to read it on youtube however it's so ridiculous that i can't in good conscious skip it this was a pretty big story here in brazil a woman was having a severe bacterial infection in her uterus after weeks of testing examinations and research doctors were unable to find the cause of that one more week of digging and they discovered that her husband was a coroner and that he was passionately hugging dead bodies in the butt without a condom so he gave his wife a decomposer bacteria infection this story this story kind of crosses the threshold i would normally not publish something like this oh my god what the [ __ ] our next reddit post is from great wood i worked in a parking garage in the airport i was cleaning the top deck and noticed about a hundred ravens all over a truck with a tarp over the bed i took my flashlight expecting something awful i noticed as i got closer the smell and the ravens taking turns going into a hole they torn open and popping out covered in gunk some guy left a broken down truck with a couple of animal carcasses in the back to rot they had no heads i checked the logs and the truck had been there since november and it was april so everything was just beginning to thaw and break down then someone asked what do you do in such a case and op responds i called my boss who called maintenance to get a crew out there they had airport police come over and do an investigation to make sure there were no human remains some trophy hunter flew in bought a cheap truck caught what he wanted and left the rest for us to deal with he didn't even bother to register or update the vehicle title so the guy who sold it got a knock on his door from the cops our next replies from steve mcqueen is here i worked as an evening manager at a major hilton property i got a complaint from a bunch of guests about noise coming from one of the rooms it turns out a drunken man was beating the bejesus out of his wife and had the door barricaded so we couldn't get in i called the cops and they had to get into the guy's room using the balcony from the next room over i'm still traumatized by what i saw when they finally arrested him and got the wife out of the room she was covered in blood it was horrifying and beneath that we had this story from a jeans co when my junkie x beat the stuffing out of me in a hotel room choked me until i passed out then disappeared i woke up to the desk clerk banging on the door telling me they were kicking us out are calling the cops to remove us i sobbed through the door that he was gone and begged them to let me sleep and not let him back in but they refused and kicked me out i slept on a stone bench by the river a few blocks down the hotel and woke up covered in bruises and barely able to move i'm so glad you guys went above and beyond to help her i don't think i'll ever get over how they treated me when i so clearly needed help and it was a pretty nice hotel too i couldn't believe it was handled that way i wish more people were like you our next rated pose is from flattered pond it was 3 a.m at a popular canadian coffee shop there's this one old baker in the back who rarely interacts with me past a dirty joke or a dirtier ditty from his navy days other than that i'm alone there's not another soul around the area and i expect it to remain so for at least an hour yet i'm boxing up the day olds for the homeless shelter when i swear i see something out of the corner of my eye it's behind me i turn then look down there's a small child standing there a native little toddler with a fauxhawk staring at me intensely i'm struck dumb with how absurd the situation is how did he get behind the counter i didn't hear the door open or see him come through the counter i scanned the storefront no one i yell for the baker in case he has a friend or someone visiting that lost their kid he comes over and like me does a double take of the kid and is baffled the kid starts muttering incoherently i get him a glass of water on a donut hole and the baker runs out of the store to do a perimeter of the block i call the non-emergency line and explain i have a little kid with no parents i can't get any information from the boy he just mumbles and i can't make it out the police arrive the baker comes back and says he can't find anyone else in the streets the guy from the 24 7 corner store says he'll keep an eye out the police try to speak to the kid and also get nothing but mutterings and half-hearted gestures they take them away i see the cops again for their morning coffee and they told me the little guy walked several kilometers from the nearest reservation in the dead of night to my store he had gotten into his parents medicine cabinet and just walked out of the house i'm floored it must have taken that poor baby hours to get to me seeing him behind me like that in the dead of night still shakes me it spooked me more than that guy who threw a pot of coffee at me the woman who tried to stab me with a plastic spoon because i refused to give her a metal one and the dude that waited around four hours hoping to catch me alone so he could teach me a lesson since i didn't have the flavor of bagel that he wanted and then we have this reply from my see what snurp i can imagine you standing there and dead painting the line i'm sorry ma'am but this is the exact reason why we can't give you a metal spoon as she stabs you repeatedly with a plastic spoon also what i want to know is what bagel is so tasty that someone's willing to murder over it i want to try that bagel our next reply is from dc for mvp i worked in an open quarry mine down in texas we had a storm where it rained an insane amount for hours and hours being the night shift supervisor i was in charge of tons of heavy equipment including haul trucks excavators and bulldozers it was about 2 am when i had 3 haul trucks get stuck in the bottom of the mine just spinning their tires endlessly it was horrible since we're talking about tens of thousands of dollars of production per shift i had to get permission to shut the mind down from the superintendent and relay that to the supervisors up in the plant that washes and dries the material they wouldn't shut down just because i said so i called him a minimum of 13 times that hour to get him to shut the mind down he never answered his phone which never happened since he always had his phone on four of us were soaking wet and covered from head to toe and mud to the point where you couldn't even tell we were wearing neon green hi-vis safety gear we got the trucks pulled out of the mine after roughly three hours of using a combo of the dozers loaders and excavators to essentially build a new road from drier materials the superintendent got in at 6am took one look at the mine and shut it down for the day turns out his phone charger came unplugged and his phone died in the middle of the night he never even knew i called and then beneath that we have a similar story from dj 33 i've lived the it version of this multiple times where on calls or management won't answer on time sensitive issues the upside is i never got covered in mud in the rain one night i had to help a brass mill that runs 24 7 and loses a hundred and fifty thousand dollars if they're down for just an hour their wi-fi goes down but only to a quarter of the plant and they have no idea why but they have a metric ton of floor materials that run the machines that require the wi-fi to function so the whole place is at a standstill because they're bottlenecked by those few machines their network team isn't answering their server team isn't answering their management isn't answering the plan's been down for well over an hour i eventually get a hold of an on-site maintenance guy who sometimes assists with basic i.t tasks that we can't initiate remotely because he's the only one answering the phone it turns out that section of the mill was serviced by an off-the-shelf netgear router i have no idea how that's possible but he was aware of it because he has to go reboot it sometimes i ask him to go do that and he calls me back he calls back 20 minutes later saying everything's fine the router on top of being retail grade trash was just stuck in a random supply closet which had a leak water was dripping directly onto the router he took it down dried it off moved it somewhere else and eventually the wi-fi came back up i wrote a very strongly worded email that morning you idiots just lost over 200 000 because your network team buys hardware at walmart our next reply is from grand admiral warning medical gross stuff incoming i worked in an emergency room the worst night that comes to mind involves a patient that was bitten by a baby timber rattlesnake he was bleeding out of every single orifice by the time he got to us more blood than i'd ever seen before outside of a 75 mile per hour motorcycle crash i don't remember how many doses of crowfab we gave him but it was the hospital's entire supply but trying to get him stabilized arranging the helicopter transport to a bigger and better equipped facility all the blood those still weren't the worst parts the worst part was when the patient lost control of his bowels i will never ever forget that smell i spent the entire time standing by the door with a battery powered fan and a handful of gauze pads saturated with cinnamon oil trying to reduce some of that smell the doctor occasionally stuck her head out just so i could waft some cinnamon oil in her face yes by some miracle the patient did end up surviving and as far as i know he made a full recovery but the blood the smell and just the shock of it all yeah never underestimate a baby timber rattlesnake and beneath that s wheels asks i may be mixing up my animals but isn't most baby snake venom more potent than mature snake venom mad highlander replies more potent no but the babies haven't learned yet to regulate their venom output so when they bite they just inject everything they've got as opposed to the adults which usually keep their venom injection to a minimum that was our slash ask reddit and if you like this content check out my patreon where i publish extra episodes also hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 313,295

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, askreddit posts, funny askreddit, ask reddit, askreddit, r/askreddit, askreddit top posts, askreddit funny, askreddit question

Id: d1LvjtiL-Cw

Length: 17min 11sec (1031 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 14 2021