r/AmiTheA**Hole For Asking My Wife To Respect Me?

g'day there guys it's your main man marky back at it again with another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love today's content like i love you i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie and enjoy today's bloody good content posted by user bj1289 titles am i the a-hole for wanting my stay-at-home wife to be thankful so my wife stays at home with our almost two-year-old son she dreamt of being a stay-at-home mom her whole life and we had discussed and agreed on that before we were married it took several years to get a place where we hoped we would be able to afford it every decision i've made since we got married has been focused on helping her make this dream a reality for her but lately i've been starting to feel burnt out i had to pick up a second job and am working over 80 hours a week for the past year and a half most weekdays i get to see our son for around an hour between the two jobs with our dinner being around half of that i get four to five hours of sleep a night during the week and i only work eight hours on saturday and sunday so those aren't as bad i do not resent her forgetting to stay at home with him i think that it's great for the both of them we made that decision together and i have worked extremely hard to be able to give her that i'm proud of everything i did to be able to do this for her but my issue is there is zero appreciation for all that i have done and it doesn't seem to be enough she is constantly upset with me complaining how he can't afford to go on a trip she wants or buy some expensive thing almost every day she is the victim and i can't ever communicate or vent what i'm going through she can't understand why i'm getting tired or burnt out and keeps mentioning how much harder it is for her i understand being a stay-at-home mom is not a vacation but i'm currently super pumped if i get a half hour to myself a couple times a week while she's watching netflix five to six hours a day without the sun he sleeps 12 hours straight every night and takes two naps she'll finish a season of a show every couple days even so i'm not upset that she gets that kind of free time i am upset that she isn't even slightly thankful or appreciative of what i do for her and even worse makes herself the victim and complains about her situation it breaks my heart and it makes me feel like all this stuff i spent forever on was for nothing that it was wasted in my mind at the time it was worth doing all this because i was doing it for her giving her this amazing gift i was literally making her dreams come true but it seems like it still isn't enough and i'm not sure what more i could do and still stay sane i'm barely hanging on as it is am i too in my head about this and am i the a-hole for making myself a victim i don't think so i think she really does need to appreciate all the hard work you're doing and maybe she should start the process of not being a stay-at-home mom anymore if she's such a victim to it all it seems to me from the outside looking in she's losing purpose in her life that you know she's not productive she's not contributing to society so she's not occupied with socializing or a job like other people with the job do i don't think you're too in your head and i don't think you're an a-hole but you're not making yourself a victim in this you are a victim and you're not the a-hole not the a-hole but if you have to have two full-times for her not to work you cannot afford your current lifestyle either she needs to work or your lifestyle needs to change i second this super hard i thought it it's time to sit down and review the situation with her go through the finances and the number of hours you were working and review whether it's time that she needs to consider getting a part-time job to ease your burden you sound like you're at the point that allowing her to live her dream is causing you to live a nightmare that isn't healthy or sustainable for the whole family either that or you need to work out further places you can economize i don't think she articulated her dream correctly i think she probably wants a life of ease she's complaining about no trips and expensive things she didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom she wanted to be a camped woman yep sounds like she just wants to not work and live in luxury don't we all but if you're demanding that at the expense of someone else's sanity then you're a major a-hole absolutely not the a-hole what kind of person dares to complain about finance to someone working their ass off but not do anything to earn some themselves staying home is fine but this is very unbalanced you can't keep this up 80 hours is way too much someone who has a clear view of what role they want and that every other responsibility falling on the other person simply isn't their problem this is why there is no empathy i have been op and had the same responses as time goes on you get hostile entitlement from them as above where your concerns are turned to attacks back on you to firstly deflect from their entitlements and so you stop bringing it up you were shamed into capitulating opie needs to cut his hours and bond with those two kids and unless child care makes it pointless she must work to relearn the value of effort outside the home i waited too long to take action so divorce was the only option and let's just say her perception of what she wanted as a settlement brought laughter when my solicitor saw it one thing i do know is my ex genuinely had lost all concept of any effort made by anyone but her i don't fancy opie's chances of change here as her thinking is as broken as my exes was posted by user morning drinks throw titled am i the a-hole for drinking in the morning and telling my girlfriends to leave me alone about it classic i know this sounds bad but and throw away because she knows my mane i 29 male have been dating my girlfriend 27 female for a year and a few months she moved in with me just about three weeks ago honestly since she's moved in i've been feeling a bit smothered she's currently unemployed due to covered and doesn't seem to be very aggressively looking for work and i feel like she sort of expects my attention all the time and i feel like she's been scrutinizing me too much i'm an essential worker and recently was moved to overnights yesterday morning when i got home from work at a little after 7am she wasn't awake yet i was a little too wound up from work to go straight to bed so i decided to pour myself a bourbon and sat down to find something mindless to watch on youtube my girlfriends got up maybe 15 or 20 minutes later and came into the living room where i was sitting as i greeted her i saw her eyes narrow as she looked at the glass in front of me and said wait a minute you're actually drinking yeah so i answered it's morning who drinks first thing in the morning i tried to explain to her that it wasn't first thing in the morning to me that this was my evening time and that just because i worked overnights didn't mean that i shouldn't be able to unwind after work with a drink like anyone else but she couldn't seem to get past there was morning finally i'd had enough and told her that she needs to stop smothering me that i'm a grown man and unless i'm doing something egregious that i shouldn't have to justify myself to her that i don't need her permission to have a drink i told her that i was trying to relax and that if she was just going to give me a hard time please just leave me alone she's been pretty quiet with me since i know i heard her feelings which i feel bad about but i also think she was being unreasonable and somewhat controlling and that i wasn't wrong to tell her to knock it off am i the a-hole edit wow this blew up thanks everyone i have to say i went all the way to the bottom just out of curiosity over the unpopular opinions and a couple in particular didn't deserve the downvotes one suggested that this may have been mere growing pains for a couple newly learning to live together although i absolutely still think my girlfriend was being way too close-minded and somewhat controlling i think that poster may have a point my profession is a currently unpopular one and has a pretty abysmal divorce rate and while my girlfriend was being unfair i realized i also took my night out on her to an extent and probably should have been more patient hopefully she can see my side too to my aggressively seeking employment comments most of my state has reopened and while it's still a really tough job markets it's not abysmal by any extent also to the absolute most downvoted comment his her username is a skyrim reference so he or she is automatically awesome i think if your job is that demanding and bad as you say with an abysmal divorce rate it just brings a really negative connotation to my mind about what the job involves and if you need a drink after that i don't blame you for needing a drink if that's your evening i don't blame you for drinking everyone runs on their own time it's five o'clock somewhere so for you drinking in the morning and telling her to leave you alone about it i think you're not an a-hole in that situation just because the sun's out gun's out it's not the afternoon doesn't mean you can't have a nightcap in the morning not the a-hole this is completely her inability to understand that third shift work is different so mourning is also different her and so many other people who can't comprehend that sleeping during the day doesn't make you lazy not the a-hole i used to work overnights and also my unemployed girlfriend hated that i was lazy because i slept until 3pm some people just don't understand simple concepts when i worked overnight my mum would call me on her lunch breaks to chat because it's not like you're doing anything it took exactly one call at 3am on my lunch break to get her to stop trying to call me while i was sleeping how was she on that call she was initially panicked and thought something bad had happened but once i informed her i just called it a chat and catch up she said ah screw you and hung up on me not the a-hole you're right it's not drinking in the morning if it's the end of your night shift when else would you be able to relax with a bourbon at breakfast are you judging my bourbon oatmeal info have you told her you're feeling smothered and dopey replies i have yes a couple of times now she seemed a bit offended when i've said it even though i've tried to say it as nicely as possible i think smothered is a loaded word i feel smothered easily and have found that it's really not a useful starting point to say so instead of telling my husband that he's smothering me i tell him that i'm not up for socializing and that i need to sit alone in a dark room for an hour or two instead of vilifying his desire to spend time with me i describe my mood and action i'm going to take to resolve it and a rough timeline of when he can expect me back he will do the same thing with taking a walk or reorganizing his closet when he needs some alone time a big part of why i think our relationship has been successful is that we've learned to separate out our individual problems and our relationship problems such as they are posted by user personalized guilt titled am i the a-hole for refusing to go out in public with my wife when she won't wear a bra i've been married for almost 20 years lately my wife has started to go out in public braless she'll wear a t-shirt and it leaves almost nothing to the imagination she complains that it's not comfortable to wear a bra and it's too hot outside i don't care if she goes braless in the house but out in public is a different story most people don't want to see a middle-aged woman's breasts bouncing around in a store the ones who do are looking at her in a sexual manner i'm embarrassed to be seen with her bra free and am constantly worried that i'm going to run into people that i know she spent her whole life wearing a bra in public and never had a problem before last weekend we went into walmart and it was obvious the cashier was staring at her i don't like the idea of people getting their jollies from staring at my wife's boobs i told her i won't go out in public with her anymore if she doesn't wear a bra it would be more comfortable for me to wear my underwear in public too but there's social etiquettes she believes it's her body and her right to not wear a bra i think it's selfish i don't see how wearing a bra can be that uncomfortable also all women wear bras in public tldr lately wife refuses to wear bra in public i refuse to be seen in public with her if she doesn't lol then there's your answer just don't be seen in public with her go do whatever you want without her she doesn't deserve your attention you're an a-hole and you obviously don't respect your wife's body if you're trying to put this amount of pressure on her let a woman live her life there's so many women out there that go braless in public no one actually cares opie it's all in your head you're the one that cares no one else you're the a-hole you can express an opinion on what your partner wears but telling her what to wear and what not to wear crosses a line also your post is all about you not about her i'm embarrassed i'm constantly worried i don't like the idea be pleased with your middle aged wife has chest worth staring at why don't you insist she wears a burqa to ensure no mail can be accidentally aroused from looking at her this 1 000 times this post literally screams my wife is doing something to her body and it's making me feel like this let her do what she wants to her body you have no ownership here i'd like to point out that she's not doing anything to her body and that actually wearing a bra can be considered doing something to one's body his wife is just letting her body exist comfortably as it is he did not once take her comfort or wishes into consideration i personally don't understand people like this how can you be married for years to a person and still fail to have empathy for them i love how he uses wearing underwear as an example but there are no studies showing that underwear increases your risk of cancer also victim blaming is so gross in this post her breasts aren't sexual inherently they're just skin and they're meant for feeding children or whatever the woman wants to do with them if people are sexualizing her it is their fault and he should be upset at them instead of her i was wondering if he thinks his wife's breasts are sexual just because they aren't covered does he also think that men with those big floppy man boobs are also sexual i do does he tell all those guys to go home and put on a bra yeah my mind works in mysterious ways i'm just having a laugh picturing him all red-faced and yelling at some random guy to cover his chest before all the men in the room lose control oh ho-ho do have some decency love you're the a-hole for this comment i don't see how wearing a bra can be that uncomfortable yeah rope should wear a bra every time he leaves the house for a week i bet his tone would change especially when it's hot humid and there's underboob sweat posted by user insane approach titled am i the a-hole for making my kids get out of bed by 8 am during the summer i have 3 teenagers as soon as they hit 13 i quit telling them to go to bed instead i told them that on non-school days they need to be up by 8am i also do not monitor when they go to bed during the school year as long as they get up for school at 6am and grades stay acceptable my reasoning for having awake time rather than a bedtime is because as adults no one will tell them when to go to bed but they will have to get up for work school family etc it is to get them accustomed early to regulating their own sleep schedules before they enter college i am up an hour before them 5 am on school days 7 a.m on weekends and summer so i can get myself ready before they take up the bathrooms and get some breakfast ready for them if i have time recently during a family gathering my sister was saying how her teenagers very close in ages to mine had bedtimes at 9pm on school nights and 10 p.m on non-school nights my other sister found these times unreasonable and for their ages i thought so too but not my kids so didn't say anything i got pulled in when asked what time i made my kids go to bed and told them what i wrote above all of a sudden they forgot about my sister making her 17 year old go to bed at 9 00 pm for more than half a year and instead wolf packed on me about how unwieldly unfair i am on my poor kids by having them get up in the morning family members who were listening in and did not comment on my sister's bedtime demands had plenty to say about my kids having a wake-up time on days they didn't have school i was accused of being controlling and overbearing it became a bit heated and i went ahead and went home now i'm wondering if i'm wrong with my thought process my husband agrees with me that learning how to get up on your own when you leave your parents is hard as hell and thinks my reasoning is good but he always agrees with me on parenting i will point out the kids were all excited when they turned 13 because go to bed wasn't something they would hear anymore and our youngest teenager is 13. i've been doing this for years and the kids haven't really complained an occasional i didn't sleep well has been said but always during the school year never on breaks so am i the a-hole for not enforcing a bedtime but instead awake time for my kids editing to add it is not about them getting up at 8 am as much as getting them up at a set time i am completely aware that a lot of jobs don't start until later in the day the reason i use 8 am is because none of them have any obligations past 9 and when my oldest was 13 8am was what the apa was battling to get school times pushed back to for healthier teenagers i figured if school was supposed to start at 8am that would get them up no later than 7am so i figured 8am would be a good compromise for time the goal is for them to get up to an alarm and move not roll over and go back to sleep go to sleep knowing what time they have to be up and be responsible for their time in the late evening and overnight or drag ass the next day i'm sorry if i didn't express that well in the original post edit too so just got done talking to the kids told them about the new studies as well as some of the family-friendly pieces of advice on here at first all three were adamant about keeping wake up time at 8 am but after pointing out the studies showed they would need to be in bed by midnight my oldest folded to be pushing off to 9am my youngest teenager was worried he wouldn't get to see me before i left so i said it could be a day by day thing if he felt like getting up at 8 am to spend time with me he could but zero pressure to do so only the middle one is adamant about keeping 8 am she says she already has her entire schedule for the day built around it and wants to keep it so monday through friday i will have one getting up at 8am and 2 getting up no later than 9am saturdays and sundays work schedule allowing they will be up by 10am thank you for all your feedback even the you're the a-hole feedback that also gave constructive advice thank you i really appreciate it all have agreed they're going to try it for a week but if they feel stressed by less time during the day to get schoolwork done we will revisit and re-evaluate i think everything that needs to be said has been said here i think they were the a-hole going into this and i now think that they have resolved it they're not the a-hole anymore so i'm happy to leave that where it is but there is this one comment i want to read because it does give good advice outside of this you're the a-hole kids have almost zero control over their lives my mom always said to let them sleep and choose their hair because the rest of the decisions are out of their hands i agree with your mum on the hair thing one of my kids has white hair right now another blue lots of us seem to forget what i was like growing up having no control over things can be a big issue for lots of kids even if we didn't experience the same thing this is the most looked forward to part of the year for them they finally have an inkling of freedom and choice in my opinion letting that grow into some free will is beneficial to the kids not to mention it saves them from situations like this post posted by user agitated coach 1535 titled am i the a-hole for telling my mother-in-law that i'm divorcing her son reddits i'm in a conundrum my soon-to-be ex jack and i are in the middle of a divorce jack is very resistant to the idea and wants to try counseling i'm not willing to try again it didn't work the first two times i pushed for counselling and when i asked several times if we could find a new therapist he said no but now that i've got proof he cheated with multiple women he wants to try counseling again q i roll at this point i just went out we didn't have kids and there weren't a lot of shared purchases to be honest i'm willing to walk away with what i brought into the marriage i.e my dog and kitchen supplies i managed to move out right before curved restrictions started upon my moving day i sent him a text quoting i finished moving out if you find anything of mine that i left behind i don't want it anymore feel free to toss it or donate it during mine and jack's marriage his mother gave me a box of knickknacks they were jack's maternal grandmothers and i never met the woman since she died before jack and i met when we lived together i put the knickknacks in the living room on top of the mantle when i moved out i left them behind they're not my style and frankly i didn't feel like they were mine to keep since they were jack's grandmother's things last week i found a box on my front step it was the knickknacks there was a note in jack's handwriting saying i'd forgotten them i checked to make sure that i'd sent the text saying if you find anything of mine that i left behind i don't want it anymore feel free to toss or donate it send him a screenshot of the text and then drove over to his mother's house if he doesn't want them then they belong to his mother since it is her family heirlooms i intended to only drop the box on her porch and leave but she met me on the porch and i tell her what's in the box she's confused that i'm bringing them back and starts asking questions i only say that since jack and i are in the middle of a divorce i don't feel comfortable keeping his family heirlooms especially since i'll be changing my name back after finalization i left right after that and jack later texted me mad that i told his mother about the divorce i told him that we're getting a divorce and i didn't want to stay married to him and if he didn't want to get divorced he shouldn't have cheated multiple times we haven't spoken since then although his mother keeps asking questions so am i the a-hole for telling his mother about the divorce and would i be the a-hole if i told his mother he cheated no that's a perfectly normal thing to do in this situation i don't think you're an a-hole for doing either of those things i feel like the mother has a right to know and he has a right to deal with the consequences of his actions in this one you are not obliged to keep that to yourself morally or legally but especially morally i feel like he was incredibly immoral in this situation so i would tell her and i wouldn't feel like an a-hole for doing so not the a-hole obviously he's embarrassed for having to explain to mummy how he is a cheating a-hole who doesn't respect his wife congrats on your new life to be honest i don't think he's explained that he cheated part of me is tempted to tell her but the more mature part of me is winning i just want this divorce over with if i announce he cheated he'll probably retaliate by dragging the divorce out well thought do the divorce first and then tell his mother for me it would be a good feeling knowing that his mother will annoy him until eternity especially if she liked you there is nothing more satisfying than getting out of a bad relationship and having your ex's parents still like you except getting the hell away from your ex's parents who hated you god don't we all feel that way [ __ ] daddy karen thank you for sharing not the a-hole at all if his mother is asking i'd tell her it stops her having to invent her own reasons and him being able to make something up that paints him in a better lights you don't need to give her the gory details especially as you seem to be handling this in a much more mature way and deliberately a less hurtful way than i would seeing as how i would have made an announcement on facebook with my evidence and tagged his mother in there if it was me part of me is tempted to show her the proof i have of him cheating but i also want to get the divorce over with too don't show the proof she could share it with her son to recount it to him then that proof might be way less useful in court should it come to that also not the a-hole for sure if if i tell her i'm probably going to wait until after the divorce is finalized posted by user am i the a-hole of fans titled am i the a-hole for subscribing to a friend's wife's only fans account keeping it short let me know if you need more detail we're all mid to late 20s friend's wife hasn't only fans accounts he knows about it and is fine with it they need the extra cash as she lost her job and his hours were cut he found out that i know about her only fans and am subscribed his feelings are it's different when quote unquote strangers are looking versus people they know he wants me to unsubscribe and delete anything i may have i'm kinda resistant because i mean it's an only fans account not something private that was leaked or anything as far as i know she doesn't know i'm subscribed only him if that matters i'd love to know how he found out that you're subscribed to her only fans but i guess you really don't have an obligation to not un you know be subscribed to it anymore but i probably would if this is someone you want to keep friends with it kind of seems like a dick move to stay subscribed when he knows that you're subscribed and he doesn't want you to be like it does make you an a-hole in that instance you're not a good guy for going against the wishes of your friends regardless of how you want to do it just because you can doesn't mean you should so you're the a-hole in this situation you're the a-hole i get it she's making herself publicly available and you have every right to subscribe to our content doesn't mean you should i think it's pretty tactilist to pay money to see nude photos of your friend's wife he asks you to stop and i think that's a reasonable request you don't have to listen but don't expect the friendship to continue it would be just as weird if you knew she was a stripper and went to the club specifically to see her in my opinion exactly this my ex was a stripper and i would be waited out to find out a friend was going to the club just to see her you're the a-hole dude you could get off to anyone in the world and you chose to pay for your friend's wife pictures gross this feels like you taking advantage of the fact they need money if you wanted to be a good friend you would have just given them the money opi responded to this in other comments in one comment he said that he hasn't got off to her but has seen her naked and in another one he said that the couple refuses to take money from their friends he would have to pretend to accidentally make too much food so he could give them leftovers and am not 100 sure what his motive is i don't know if he just wants to see her naked or if he did it to help them out financially he hasn't made that clear if this is true then it just got way more interesting i love a tuffy i know right so he also said that he subscribed not knowing that was her because he saw her post on a kink subreddit he only realized it was her after he subscribed to her only fans and saw her face so now the question is why is he staying subscribed does he really want to just keep seeing her naked despite his friend's discomfit or is he staying subscribed because he wants to help them out financially and they won't take his money otherwise a lovely can of worms compassion for thy neighbor through porn subscription i love it and if he's staying subscribed solely to help them financially why would he not want to unsubscribe when his friend expressed it made him uncomfortable and he didn't like it that's the fishy part about it in my opinion all right i think that's where we're going to leave today's episode guys i really do hope you enjoyed the content today if you guys loved watching it as much as i loved making it i would love for you to subscribe to the channel already if you haven't tell me what you thought of it down in the comments below maybe like the video who knows i'd also like to take this time to thank my awesome patreon and channel members without you guys you know i don't know what i'd do i'd probably be homeless on the streets of ireland crying irish dancing all over town it would just be a mess but now for real you guys are up on the screen now thank each and every one of you guys and if you personally want to join the club yourself there are links down in the description below there's also the join button next to the subscribe button small monthly fee but hey it goes a long way to help me create more awesome content well with that said guys i hope you do have a lovely day night sleep evening day at work day at school whatever you're up to i hope you keep awesome today you're looking amazing and i will see you in the next video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 30,579

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: KQEoJpu23-o

Length: 31min 23sec (1883 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 18 2020