-Welcome, everybody,
welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show"! You're here. You made it.
Thank you for watching. Well, let's get to some news. Guys, tomorrow, President Biden
and 40 other world leaders are kicking off
a big virtual climate summit. Yep, they're meeting virtually
because of the pandemic. Otherwise, they would have flown
40 different private jets to a meeting about the climate. [ Laughter ] Yep, the guest list includes
Vladimir Putin, Bill Gates, Pope Francis, and one
very stressed out I.T. guy. [ Laughter ]
"Your Holiness, can you try closing the browser
and signing back in?" [ Laughter ] It's too bad the summit
isn't in person. If people were sitting
alphabetically, I'd love to hear the small talk
between the Pope and Putin. It's like,
"Do you watch 'Scheisse Creek'? [ Laughter ] "Dan Levy is the best, I mean. Did you see episode
where Moira is -- Oh, they're talking to us."
[ Laughter ] That's right.
Vladimir Putin agreed to attend. It'll be weird
when someone says, "Very funny torture rack
background, Vlad," and he's like,
"Right, joke, of course. Yes." [ Laughter ] All I know is that it'll be
awkward when they start the Zoom and Putin and Biden
are the first ones on. [ Laughter ] "Stop video. Stop.
Hi, Joe, how's it going, man?" [ Laughter ] During the summit,
Biden is expected to announce that the U.S. will cut
greenhouse gas emissions at least in half by 2030. That's good. Yeah. Wow.
[ Cheers and applause ] Yeah, Biden plans to cut
emissions by 2030, at which point it will be President
Dwayne Johnson's problem. [ Laughter ] Hey, this is big. Remember that European soccer
Super League that was just announced
two days ago? -Yeah.
-Well, listen to this. -The proposed European
Super League may be over before any teams
could even take the field. The league announced it was
suspending current plans after the founding clubs
backed out of the venture just two days
after the initial announcement. -Wow. Only two days.
[ Laughter ] I've seen guacamole
last longer than that. [ Laughter ] Seriously, the leagued crumbled
faster than a Nature Valley bar. -Oy, oh, hey!
[ Laughter ] -Yep, the Super League
has been knocked out, and unlike most soccer injuries,
this one's real. [ Laughter ] Now those 12 teams are
showing up at their old leagues, trying to act
like nothing happened. It's like, "Hey, what's up? Does anyone here watch
'Shite's Creek'?" [ Laughter ] "Dan Levy's fantastic.
He's brilliant. Yeah. You see the episode
where Moira -- Oh, sorry." [ Laughter ] Some business news --
Netflix stock took a big dive this week after they reported a dramatic slowdown
in subscriber growth. -Ooh!
-It's a tough time for Netflix. Right now, executives are
fighting like two people looking for something
to watch on Netflix. [ Laughter ] Things are so bad,
the C.E.O. of Netflix was like, "We either need a new
'Bridgerton' or a new pandemic." [ Laughter ] But Netflix isn't letting
the news discourage them. They also announced that they're
spending more than $17 billion on content this year. Yeah, they're spending
$17 billion for shows that we're just going to listen
to while we're on Instagram. [ Laughter ] Some more business news --
I saw that Lululemon is testing a resale program where shoppers
sell and buy gently used items. -Ooh. Ooh. -Lululemon yoga pants.
[ Laughter ] Let me put this in perspective. Wearing a pair of lightly used
Lululemon pants is basically like picking up a pack of
lightly used Charmin. You know what I'm saying?
[ Laughter ] I don't even know how you'd sell
used Lululemons. Anybody who wears them has to
cut them off with scissors. [ Laughter ] I don't know.
Maybe this'll work. I mean, how many times have you
seen someone walking out of a hot yoga class and thought, "I want those shorts,
that exact pair"? [ Laughter ] Well, guys, you're not going to
believe this, but the pandemic
has had an effect on the sales of
Girl Scout cookies. Listen to this. -The lack of in-person sales
this year has left tons of Thin Mints, Samoas,
and other flavors unsold. -Troop leaders in Atlanta say
they have 700,000 boxes just sitting in a warehouse. -Wow. I can't wait for my neighbor's
kid to be like, "Oh, hi, Mr. Fallon,
so I can put you down for 15,000 Do-Si-Dos?" [ Laughter ] All I have to say is
you know America's broken when there's a surplus
of delicious cookies and life-saving vaccines. [ Laughter ] What are we doing? And get this -- in June,
New York City is getting a 3-story, 21,000-square-foot
Harry Potter store. -Ooh.
[ Audience oohs ] -It's exciting.
[ Cheers and applause ] I'd say there's nothing hotter
right now than Harry Potter merchandise and indoor shopping,
would you agree? [ Laughter ] It'll be the first time
a New Yorker can whip out their wand on the subway
without getting pepper-sprayed. [ Laughter ]
What? -Hey, hey! Hey! Put away your Harry Potter. [ Laughter ] -I'm glad it's in New York City. What's better than hearing,
[Brooklyn accent] "Welcome to the wizarding world
of Harry Potter"? [ Laughter ] [ Normal voice ]
Yeah, the store is based on the previously unreleased book, "Harry Potter and the Bunch Of
Stuff You Don't Need." [ Laughter ] "Honey, let's stop in here.
Do we need a wand? Oh, you answered
pretty quick there." [ Laughter ] Well, there have been a lot of
incredible strides made in science over the past year, but here's an invention you
probably weren't expecting. Watch this. -Engineers at Purdue University have created
the whitest paint ever. They say the paint is so white
that coating a building with it could cool them off enough to reduce the need
for air-conditioning. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah. Yeah, the "scientists" work at the distinguished
University of Benjamin Moore. [ Laughter ] Can we see that paint color
again? Yeah, looks like a photo from the Pillsbury Doughboy's
colonoscopy. [ Laughter ]
-Oh! -And finally, a Turkish musician
was scared to go paragliding for the first time, so he
decided to bring something along to distract himself.
Check it out. ♪♪ Yeah. What's weird is he also
overcomes his stage fright by dressing like a skydiver.
