-Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "The Tonight Show." I love that energy.
Thank you so much. [ Cheers and applause ] Nice to see you. Guys, today is Earth Day. Happy Earth Day!
[ Cheers and applause ] Everyone's in the spirit.
This morning at 7-Eleven, I saw a rat drinking a Big Gulp
with a metal straw. -Aww.
-Yes -- So, yes. A lot of stores
celebrated Earth Day. H&M added a section
for sustainable items. Lowe's offered a free
Garden-to-Go kit, and Subway recycled
last week's tuna. -Oh.
-So, yeah, I thought that was -- I'm kidding around, but
protecting the Earth is serious. I mean, can you believe
that in 1999, we had nearly 50
Rainforest Cafes, and now we're down to almost 20? [ Laughter ] Think about it. That's right.
Today was all about the planet, and at the White House, President Biden
hosted 40 world leaders for a virtual
climate change summit. The tone of the summit
was that we're all responsible. But you know Costa Rica was
looking at the U.S. and China like, "Yeah. This is all our fault, right?
Yeah, we're -- We're all to blame. Yeah. Huh. Yeah." [ Laughter ] Now, of course,
with any virtual event, you're going to have some
technical glitches, right? But I didn't think
it'd be quite this bad. Take a look at what happened. -[ Echoing ] Good morning
to all our colleagues -- all our colleagues
around the world, the world leaders taking part
in the summit, I thank you. -It's now my honor to call on His Excellency, The Secretary
General of the United Nations, António Guterres. [ No audio ] [ Laughter ] I now call upon
the Prime Minister of the Republic of India,
His Excellency Narendra Modi. -President Biden... [ Phone dialing ] ...my fellow citizens. [ Phone dialing ] -The floor is now to the President of the Russian
Federation, Mr. Vladimir Putin. Mr. President. [ Laughter ] -What? [ Applause ] Looking. Somehow we just flew
a helicopter on Mars, but we still can't get
a Zoom meeting to work. Next time, every leader
will be required to have at least
one grandchild present. [ Laughter ] It is funny that we were
watching Putin, and he didn't know
he was on-camera, 'cause usually,
it's the other way around. [ Laughter ] Yeah. Even -- -That was a good one.
That was good. -At one point, Britain's Prime
Minister, Boris Johnson, spoke, and he used a pretty interesting
phrase to get his point across. Listen to this. -This is not all about some expensive, politically
correct green act of -- of -- of bunny-hugging or however you want to put it. There's nothing wrong
with bunny-hugging, but you -- you know
what I'm driving at. -No. We have no idea
what you're driving at. [ Laughter ] At first, people were like, "Oh, is bunny-hugging a British
version of tree-hugging?" British people were like,
"No, he's just weird. I've never heard that term." That's right, leaders
from all over the world met to discuss
climate change over Zoom, and some even released joint
statements with President Biden. Check these out. After French President
Emanuel Macron said, "If we want to decrease our
carbon footprint, we must..." Biden jumped in and said, "Take a page
out of my old friend's book. His name was Shoeless Gus. He used to walk across
a gravel parking lot just to prove a point. He ran off with a flapper girl
from Cheyenne. Now they sell tire swings
for a living." [ Applause ] I --
-Wow. -I don't really see
how that's relevant, but let's check out
another joint statement. After German Chancellor
Angela Merkel said, "We can conserve the amount of
available water we have by..." Biden said, "Roundin' up
all the neighborhood boys and washin' ourselves off
in the creek behind Old Man MacGafferty's
tool shed. Just as good as a real shower,
and you get to eat as many tadpole eggs
as you can fit in your mouth." -Wait, what? -What? Like, why do they keep
letting him talk? -Really?
-Yeah. Let's check out one more.
-Alright, let's see it. -After British Prime Minister
Boris Johnson said, "Fighting climate change will create millions of jobs,
such as..." Biden said, "Root beer barbers
and professional whistlers. I used to know a pair of twins
who could whistle like a teapot. Their parents named 'em both
Ralph to make things easy. One of 'em
got struck by lightning, and after that, anytime
he walked past a jukebox, it just started playing." [ Laughter and applause ] -Wow.
-Ralph and Ralph? I don't know. -They sound like
joint statements. -I don't know, man. More news from Washington.
After the White House presented its $2.3 trillion
infrastructure plan, Republicans have responded
with their own version that's only worth $568 billion. Yeah, Republicans want all these
repairs done on the cheap, which is why they're calling
the bill "Operation Flex Seal." [ Laughter ] Biden has so much
on his plate -- infrastructure, construction, police reform,
military spending -- right now, his to-do list
looks like the Village People. [ Laughter ] This is pretty incredible. I saw that Amazon is testing out
a new way to pay at Whole Foods. Take a look at this. -Paying for groceries
with a swipe of your hand. That could be coming soon
to Whole Foods stores near you. It allows shoppers
to pay for items by placing their palm
over the scanning device. -Here's how it works. You hover
your hand over the reader, then the cashier tells you to
stay still, then move it slightly,
then move it slightly again, and then you get frustrated
and pay with your credit card. -Wow. Oh.
[ Laughter ] -Whatever. I think it's fun. I always wanted to buy plums
like I'm a Jedi. -Beep! [ Laughter ] -That's pretty good, right? -Beep. Yeah, that's
a pretty good Jedi. -Like, it's
the move back that's -- -The move back
is what sells it. Yeah. That's just a guy. -Yeah.
-That's a Jedi. -Thank you. -Especially with the flourish. -Are they making another
"Star Wars" film? -I bet they -- Oh. You could -- -I added a little mustard
on that last one. You want me to do it
one more time? -Do it one more time.
-Mr. Lucas? Okay. Step to the left. Yeah. More? -More?
-More? -How far?
-Okay, perfect. This is good?
-Do I have a car? -Okay. Thank you. [ Laughter and applause ] An Academy Award? Oh, it's not --
My name's not on it. Well, this is interesting. Scientists are
developing technology that lets them add product
placement in classic films. Yeah. We actually got our hands on the
first few clips they produced. Now, watch closely, because
the ads are incredibly subtle. Roll it. -It's December 1941
in Casablanca. What time is it in New York? -What? My watch stopped. -Bet they're asleep in New York. [ Apes screeching, growling ] -Say again, please? -Houston, we have a --
-Tide Pod. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] -Oh, this isn't good.
McCormick said that they've had a difficult
time keeping up with demand for Old Bay Seasoning
during the pandemic. Can't really imagine why,
which brings us to a new segment we like to call
"Tariq's Teachable Moment." -"Tariq's Teachable Moment." [ Applause ] -Thanks, Jimmy. I think
I can shine a light on this. You see, when Black people cook, we enjoy this thing
that you might have heard of. It's called flavor. [ Laughter ] Flavor is what happens to a meal when you add more to it
than just salt or pepper. -I don't know. That sounds
spicy. -It can be. In Black homes, spice racks
are like guard dogs -- robust, loud, integral parts
of the family unit. Meanwhile, your spice rack
is more like a lap dog -- small, decorative,
but ultimately useless. So, when the pandemic hit
and restaurants closed, Black people treated Old Bay
like it was toilet paper and bought enough
to fill a bunker. -Okay, well, how much seasoning
should I use? -A great start would be
more than zero. [ Laughter ] Just do what I do.
Ignore the recipe and sprinkle it on a little
longer than you usually would. Like this. [ Laughter ] -Okay, this seems like a lot. -It is. That's the point, Jimmy. And look, if you don't
understand yet, that's okay. Just give it a minute
to marinate. [ Ding! ] [ Applause ] -"Tariq's Teachable Moment." -Tariq Trotter, everybody.
Tariq Trotter. I learned a lot.
Thank you, Tariq. [ Cheers and applause ] And finally, a woman in North
Carolina was shopping at Target when she found a surprise
on the shelf. Watch this. -Aah.
-This is not something you typically find
on the shelves in Target -- a black rat snake slithering through the cans
of Bush's Baked Beans. -Ooh.
-Manager came on the PA system and was like, "Oh, hell no,
in Aisle 5. Oh, hell no." Joining us in-studio,
one of our absolute favorites. -A delight.
-The guy is a gem. He stars in the Showtime series
"City on a Hill." Kevin Bacon is here!
-Yeah! Come on! [ Cheers and applause ] -The best. Plus, she's a four-time
Olympic gold medal gymnast, Simone Biles is here. [ Cheers and applause ] And we got great music
from Ritt Momney, everybody! Ritt Momney.
-Ritt. Ritt. -Ritt Momney. That's right. And later, we're going to have
all-new "Tonight Show" Hashtags, as well. Yeah.
-Ooh. -And we're going to do something
fun with Kevin Bacon. -Oh! -Something musical perhaps. -Perhaps! More Jedi -- -A sketch per-- I retired
from the Jedi business. -Are you serious? What happened?
-It was too hard on my arm. Everywhere I went, everyone
was like, "Do the Jedi thing." -Oh.
-Leave me alone. I'm just a normal person.
-Oh, it was like a curse. -Yeah, I was cursed
by my own Jedi techniques. And I couldn't go shopping.
I couldn't go anywhere. It was a nightmare.
Can you imagine my life? -No, I can't imagine,
'cause, I mean -- -"Do the Jedi thing! Do it!
Do it now! Do it now!" -You're with your family. -Yeah, my kids are around.
-And you told me the one time, you were about to have
emergency surgery, and the doctor made you do it
before you had the surgery. -Yeah, I'm basically on the
death bed, whatever it is, yeah. -Death bed, sure.
[ Laughter ] -Got tubes all over the place.
-Yeah. -My life turned into
a complete -- No one remembered that I hosted
"The Tonight Show" or anything. -They just remembered you
from the -- Well, it was so good,
I can't blame them. -Well, they cut it out
of the Blu-ray. [ Laughter ] -Are you serious?
-Yeah. -The whole Jedi thing
is gone from the Blu-ray? -Well, when you get the Blu-- -What about the Laser--
Is it on the LaserDisc? -No, they took it
out of the LaserDisc, as well. -Oh, my God.
-And the Blu-ray. And I was like,
"Get me George Lucas on Line 2. Oh -- Get me George Lucas
on Line 2." Then I picked up the phone,
pressed Line 2. -Right. -Hello? -Uh, hello, Jimmy? -Is this George Lucas? -Uh, no. This is, uh, Gary,
his assistant. George is busy. -The assistant's assistant? -Yeah, I'm the fifth assistant. -Fifth -- George Lucas
has five assistants? -No, he has 12 assistants.
-Sorry, I -- -Some of them are
sick with COVID. -I apolog-- I understand. I don't work there, so...
-Pandemic going on. -I apologize. Could you let George know
I'm a little upset. -About? -I was in the new
"Star Wars" film. -Okay.
-And I was the -- [ Laughter ] That's not why I was upset.
-Oh, okay. Sorry. A lot of people are
complaining about it. -No, I would never
complain about being -- But it's just, I did a Jedi -- I
played a Jedi, did a Jedi move. -Oh, yeah. -The hand move?
-Loved it. -You remember it?
-Who doesn't? -[ Scoffs ] Apparently,
George didn't like it. He cut it out of the --
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no. -Please, I don't like your tone.
-He loved it so much. -Oh. -It made the rest of the movie
look like garbage. He had no choice
but to take it out. The genius of that moment made the rest of the film
look like... -Garbage.
-...a dog vomited on its own poop.
-Oh. -That's a bad image.
-Gary, I thank you so much. I apologize that
I put you in a bad mood, but you changed my day,
and thank you so much for taking me --
-One more thing, just, if I may? -Sure.
-I know I'm over the phone, but...could you do it for me? [ Laughter ] Oh, my God. -You take care, buddy.
-Thank you so much. -Be well. Be well. ♪♪ Nice guy. Really nice guy. And thanks to George Lucas.
