Police Reveal The Dumbest Criminals They've Ever Encountered (r/AskReddit | Reddit Stories)

police officers what's the dumbest thing you've ever seen a criminal do or say so my personal favorite was when a bloke on a motorbike swerved in front of our squad car and crashed we hopped out pick the bike up off him it was pinning his leg and I asked you alright mate double quote to which he replied of course I'm all right what do you mean double quote well you just fell of your bike mate double quote no I didn't he just kept insisting that there was no way he could have crashed and it must have been someone else at it for those concerned it was a head injury he did lower 17 when tested so we chalked it up to that I'm not a police officer that I called the cops on my roommate in college because she tried to attack me and she wouldn't cooperate with the cops so she got cuffed and was screaming about how she was gonna beat my ass they were like yeah you were gonna beat her ass and she was agreeing on Mayo in court later the judge asked her say you think it's okay to beat someone's ass if they turn your TV off when you're not there and she nodded and said yes I do and the judge just beeps I'd friend who is an officer told me this one a little bit ago he was driving near where a known car thief lived so he stops by SUV in the driveway with no tags walks up runs the VIN stolen now the property had a house on it and then out back a small mother-in-law suite where said thief lived officer walks out back knocks and then hears a car door officer starts running engine starts and yup thief is driving away in the stolen SUV officer knows where he ditch his stolen cars and so has an officer stake out that area sure enough two hours later the SUV rolls up with a Jeep following it SUV driver wipes down the - wipes down the outside door handle and gets in the Jeep officer pulls them over and arrests some both why both the Jeep is stolen officer runs her license send another officer to her address and guess what she had a stolen car at her place too three stolen cars recovered two people in jail all because one officer decided to stop by a thief's last address I was waiting to report an incident at a local police station when a clearly distraught man came in wheezing and sweating I wasn't in a rush so I let him go ahead of me I've been robbed they took everything he exclaimed when he reached the counter the officer working the desk asks him the usual wat where why and how sort of questions the gentleman proceeds to explain that he was a local meth dealer and he just got robbed of his entire stash while selling to some teams at the local train station the officer just said that there's not anything they can do about that and it's in his best interest to just leave before more questions are raised and he incriminates himself further he was fuming and stormed out of the place slamming the door behind him I reached the counter and made an offhand comments towards the office that must be a first for you apparently not apparently drug dealers often come in to report theft of their illicit substances not my story but my police officer friends he had gone in to arrest someone for dealing drugs he was in full uniform whilst someone else had already been in there undercover the drug dealer looks at the undercover police officer and says you're undercover double-quote yes well done he looks at my uniformed friend and says you're undercover to double-quote he was not then he looks at someone else not a police officer and says in view double-quote guy responds with how am i an undercover police officer I just bought drugs off of you double quote and that's how they made an unexpected arrest at that raid not a police officer but my father was a 911 dispatcher operator my dad was working one night and he gets a call from a man who is obviously drunk dad 911 what is your emergency drunk where euhh I think I just heard a bed car crash dad oh you heard a red car crash drunk yeah dad okay a police are on their way click my dad finds out later that this dude was driving drunk and crashed his car not far from his house guy decides to get out of his car stumble home and dial 911 to report the fact that he heard a car crash in his drunken mind he figured he'd report the crash as someone who heard it and he'd get off somehow but he had to specify the cover because apparently a red car crashing sounds different than a blue car crashing not a cop student paramedic here once went to a family with a 2 year old with difficulty breathing walked into the house to find four people in the parents smoking weed with the baby in the room baby was crying and coughing spluttering couldn't believe my eyes my mentor swiftly rang for police backup and we filled out some safeguarding paperwork concerns pretty sure they arrested them on scene for neglect dad's a detective had a murder case where a dog walker found a severed head in a park over the rest of the morning they found a full set of chopped up body parts around that Park a trail of blood led from each part and they followed them all the way back to a nearby house in through the door and up the stairs to a room covered in blood with a guy asleep in a bed turns out this guy had got drunk with a friend had an argument killed him chopped him up and hid his body parts in the park before passing out back at the house police caught him literally red-handed I read a theft suspect her Miranda rights to which she stated in a recorded interview I'm invoking my right to silence and a lawyer because I stole a lot of sh t and I don't want to incriminate myself suspect was caught for drug possession on the streets and we were talking to the prosecutor to get a warrant for his house somehow he managed to call his wife without our notice and as we realized what happened we heard him saying honey go take this fish out of the fridge after we've got the warrant and searched his house there was his fridge full of speed and the plate with fish which his wife had prepared for his return thrown in the trash I stopped someone who was in the area of a load of theft from motor vehicles after a bit of questioning I carried out a search and found numerous wallets phones etc he claimed that all of the cards were hers all thirteen different identities to be fair he stuck to his story he carried it all the way to court going not guilty okay then mr jones you are under arrest for 12 counts of theft mr fletcher you are also under arrest for 12 counts of theft mrs rodriguez you are under arrest for 12 counts of theft stopped a lady for speeding 15 miles per hour over the limit I asked what her reason could be for going so fast she said I live here you can't give me a speeding ticket I live just down the street I live here this is unbelievable I live here all the people from To Catch a Predator NBC has online transcripts and they still come up with the stupidest excuses Chris Hansen sir what else could you mean by asking the girl if she was a virgin and then telling her you wanted to penetrate her anally predator I'm just here to watch football man she told me she was 18 Hansen the transcripts you clearly say she's 13 you could get in trouble for this and ask her not to tell anyone I used to work in arraignments and a guy was entering his not guilty plea and confirming that he was true build that they have the right name on his charging instrument after that the court asks if you can afford an attorney and ask some quick questions before giving you paperwork to request a court-appointed attorney this guy was booked on unlawful use of a motor vehicle Class C basically stealing car stereos the judge asks him if he's employed he says no the judge asks him what he does for money oh I steal car stereos at rest stops and seldom Motor Vehicles start license and registration please proceeds to lean over to the passenger seat scoop up a handful of low mine and tries to put it in the officers hand he was locked up for aui fourth offense to this day I still wonder if he thought he was passed in his correct paperwork or if the Chinese food was some sort of peace offering not a police officer been a witness to a crime who had to give evidence in court basically witnessed a girl crashing her car and barrel rolling it into a tree she was clearly drunk the firemen arrived after ten minutes her car had leaked petrol everywhere then her husband shows up on foot and tries to calm her down followed by her mother in a car and the police she tried to claim that she wasn't the one driving even though no one else had been in the car in court a year later she said her mother had been driving the one who showed up in her own car ten minutes after the crash she also punched an officer in the face and was pepper-sprayed but that's a whole other story needless to say she was found guilty dispatcher had a guy call in and tell us that he's currently violating the protective order by being with his ex who is pregnant by him wants us to call the judge and get it dismissed so they can go inside the restaurant and eat officer is standing next to my partner who answered the call and asks the guys where he is so we can send the judge to him guy hangs up responded to an apartment complex for a kid eating a corn dog and was stuck on the roof the FT arrives and gets the kid off the roof I all the kids whine he was eating a corn dog on the roof his answer was because I threw it up there dot his look of dark left me speechless DUI trial defendant chooses to represent herself she tries to introduce evidence during the trial but is quickly blocked by the prosecution the judge may be taking pity on the flaming train wreck that was this woman's defense asks to see the evidence it was a receipt from the bar she left before I stopped her that showed that she purchased two large margaritas her whole defense was I couldn't have been drunk after only two margaritas double-quote she was found guilty by initial reason for stopping her was that she drove down an embankment on the side of the road to get to her McDonald's drive-thru my friend is sober driving and there's not enough seats so two people offer to go in the boot on the way she gets pulled over and the officer comes up to the window and asks if she knows why he pulled her over she says because of the two people in my boot dart the cop says no because he failed to indicate at the last intersection but tell me more about the people in your boat these are my parents my ex to the cop who pulled him and his friends over I'm so f king high right now I had a friend back in the day that earned the name DUI dong because he was driving a girl home after some party in one night she was faced and he was only high as balls gets pulled over could easily say that he sober happy to blow into the tube etc and get out of it first thing he says to the cop is I'm going to level with you I'm really high spent that night in jail but cherry honest and the reason I know the full details of it all is because the girl with him was 17 and bonus homeless when she didn't have anywhere else to go she gave them my address an 18 year old living alone and I got to become her temporary legal guardian awesome night thanks DUI dawn edit should have added s to that final thank you an awesome night sir can I see your driver's license I don't have one then why were you driving I washed I was traveling ii had story as i was the victim of burglary but heard this from the police officer i saw the guy breaking into my place on a security camera and called them they managed to arrest the guy while he was still inside packing up my stuff he was pretty cocky to the police as that he thought that as he hadn't actually left with his bag of swag my stuff that he hadn't committed a crime yet all he did was broke a window my grandpa was a cop he told me a story about how when he was still in uniform filling up his squad car someone tried to rob him with a knife needless to say that didn't work out for him edit some people were a bit confused my grandpa just pulled his gun and arrested the man sorry for the confusion apparently it went something like this boba give me your wallet grandpa what robber give me your wallet grandpa are you sure you want to do that robber yeah now hand it over grandpa okay pulls a gun out you're under arrest robber drugs are a hell of a drug my brother is a Detroit cop tell me this one they get a call from someone reporting their car was stolen they show up and it turns out someone had already stolen the tires off the car then a different group stole the actual car they pushed it two blocks without tires and left perfect grooves in the street all the way to their garage their defense was but we didn't steal the tires Detroit when we robbed you we really robbed you not a cop but a corrections officer two inmates got into a fight in a hallway I was the closest to them and only saw the start of the fight out of the corner of my eye in my report I wrote that I saw the two inmates fall to the ground with name on Tonkov other inmate later the hearing sergeant was reading the report to one of the inmates so they could dispute any facts in the report they felt were untrue or biased he asked the inmate if they wanted to dispute any facts in my report the inmate said yeah he didn't fall to the ground I grabbed the other inmate and slammed his ass on the floor what would have been a simple fighting charge turned into an assault charge the confession is my own cop you were going 95 miles an hour do you know what the speed limit is me no cop it's 55 miles per hour II sorry sir I thought it was a 65 not a cop but I used to read a lot of police reports at my old job my favorite was a woman who refused a breathalyzer by telling the cop I won't blow on that but I'll blow on your dick in a city near to me a guy murdered a woman put her body in a large garment bag and left her in a vacant lot unfortunately for him he forgot to take the tags with his name and address off the bag from a recent flight a would-be bank robber wrote his holdup note and pull it into his wallet he got rattled at the bank and accidentally left his driver's license on the counter when he handed the note to a teller a third crook just took on more than he could handle and apparently didn't watch the time he had a long history of grand theft auto and was hospitalized after being badly beaten in the parking lot of a sports area after a lacrosse game the guy swore up and down that he had no idea why anyone would assault him there in court friend's daughter and daughter's boyfriend get busted with a kilo of weed and x200 be friends daughter says oh we weren't going to smoke it we were going to sell it my boyfriend is a police officer last week he pulled over a drunk driver who ended up speeding off car chase back to his house and drunk guy tells him I got home it's okay you can go now drunk guy continues arguing and it's 3 a.m. so his family wakes up and his son steps out to the front porch and yells damn it dad you freaking idiot he told you to stop doing this the serial killer BTK he used to send taunting letters to the media and to the police about his crimes he seemingly stops all activity for around 10 years when he started to communicate again he asked the police if he could be traced if he sent them a floppy disk and they told him no he sent them a floppy disk and they recovered data that included his name and his church he was quickly arrested armed robbery shop clerk tells the robbers if you come back at 7:30 p.m. I will have more money in the register guys robbers leaves police is standing by at 7:30 p.m. armed robbers returned to the store and get arrested edit very sorry for pissing a few people off by forgetting to mention that not me but this happened recently in Belgium and it was on the news as explained further by unite bringer MC I thought it was still fitting in this thread there are sOooo many to choose from but one sticks out dude decides that his dildo no longer is doing the trick by itself so he uses his creative Liberty to construct an apparatus to enhance his experience he takes his once boring ol a dildo and bolts it in an upright position on the top of his nightstand to create the Megatron of SX toys unfortunately for him and us he found himself unable to disengage from his new toy evidently the once pleasurable toy was now a torture device because his screams of agony were alarm loud enough to get the attention of his neighbor who called 911 after 10 minutes of unsuccessful attempts by police and ends to remove homeboy from his device we ultimately had to unbolt the toy from the nightstand and transport him to the hospital with the toy still intact this happened just last week and x200 be officers attend a house at about 500 hours looking for a wanted man let's call him mr a a woman answers the door and officers explained their reasoning and asked to come and for a search she allows it and X 200 B whilst searching the bedroom an officer opens the Wardrobe and finds a male and their next 200 B officer what's your name double quote and X 200 be men I'm Mr B and X 200 be officer why are you hiding in the wardrobe double quote and X 200 be Mr B I'm not allowed to be here there's a restraining order between me and her and X 200 B we still don't know why he admitted everything he had done officers knew he wasn't them are as they'd seen a photo of him it turned out Mr B had only just come out of a prison sentence which he served because he broke the previous restraining order and upon his release went straight to her and X 200 B he was not a clever man my bill is a cop in a small town pulled a car over one night recognized by kid smelled weed inside the car and said give me the weed and I won't search your car won't give you a ticket and you can be on your way kid fights him says he doesn't know what that smell is there's no weed and how can I trust that he won't take me to the station if I give it to you bill promises again that if he hands him the weed he will let him go no questions asked kid keeps being a [ __ ] bill searches the car and finds many many many more drugs hidden all over as well as weed bill says all right let's go to the station kid gets upset and says you said you weren't going to do this see I couldn't trust you double quote I groan and laugh every time I think of that what a dummy you

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Id: OGA9ATYupBo

Length: 22min 30sec (1350 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 15 2020