Parents, When Did You Know Your Child Was A Bad Apple?

parent self terrible people what was the a moment that you realized your child wasn't going to be a good person she started acting out when she was about 12 and got worse and worse we did all kinds of therapy private schools rehabs we tried everything her dad her stepdad and all of her grandparents were on board with me trying to help her but we couldn't keep her from sneaking out and getting in trouble unless we were willing to have someone up and watching her 24 stroke seven it was exhausting she's now just turned 28 I haven't spoken to her in about six months she never changed you can't trust her to have a visit because she will steal from you I think when I realized that she was never going to change was when I bought her a plane ticket to help me move into my new place shortly after the death of her stepfather and she couldn't be bothered to stop partying long enough to get on a plane this was the last time I tried hard to be close with her she was about 22 when this happened it's the great tragedy of my existence she's my only biological child and when people ask me if I have kids I lie and say no because thinking of her makes me want to die off shame my parents think I'm a good person and so do i but definitely my dad took me aside before eighth grade and handed me a pamphlet that said how to stop being a bully I'm thankful for parents I wish someone did this for the kids that chose to bully me in eighth grade my aunt has a terrible child we all knew from the start that he was a bad seed except for her that was her baby and he didn't need to see a therapist or get on medication starting around 4-stroke five he would torture animals his favorite was kittens my aunt would not get her cat fixed so the cat kept having kittens my cousin would torture all of them the things he did to them is horrifying I won't post details because it will make you sick when he was around 11 he would chase me around with a butcher knife and talk about how he wanted to slice open my stomach the torturing of animals never stopped my aunt never sought help for him my aunt bought some chickens one day to raise and get their eggs he eventually killed them and laid their heads on his sister's pillow that spell the first initial of her name all because she wouldn't buy him a minor cigarettes he is in his mid-20s now and is constantly in and out of jail my aunt doesn't believe in medication for mental health nor does she believe in psychiatrists she thinks that because she is his mother she can solve his issues my mom and I are afraid he is going to kill her one day I'm not sure if he suffered from any sort of trauma as a baby or toddler I can kind of speak on this as my mom had me at a young age and waited until I was older to have more children my brother was always troubled as a kid he would beat up my other siblings he would lie to therapists and manipulate my mother he got heavily involved in gangs when he was 14 and is now 17 serving a three-year sentence for possession of drugs and Firearms I've always expected this is how it would go down we always tried to help him and he would always be resistant he was in a fantastic camp for troubled teens where he was put in charge of the kitchen and got good grades in his classes and over a period of two months ran away and was on the run until recently being found in a gangs car with drugs and guns I think everyone's different but it was obvious from the start with my little brother an ex friend of mine is similar to your brother her parents had her at an older age I want to say in their forties anyway sedex friend turned out to have antisocial personality disorder a SPD the best way I can describe her is pure evil and your stereotypical definition of crazy when I was a kid I was often made to play with the daughter of my parents friends who was an incurable butthole I'll go in every interaction with anyone would be to make the other person feel embarrassed or arrange for a situation where they would come out looking stupid or end up being wrong about something I swear that was foremost in her mind all the time she played the long game too I suspect some kind of personality disorder I spent a lot of time with her growing up and to be honest I think it did affect my self-esteem in social interactions her parents were really nice and sweet people through and I don't know when they realized but I know her her mother once asked my mother what do you do when your child is in butthole met her again for the first time in like 15 years after we happen to live in the same city first thing she did was insult me like 10 times then berate me for not wanting her friendship met her again for the first time in like 15 years after we happen to live in the same city first thing she did was insult me like 10 times then berate me for not wanting her friendship I have to admit that I'm really curious about how you handled this as an adult I actually just watched a TED talk that the mother of one of the Columbine shooters did regarding this it was Dylan's mom if you type in his name and Ted it will probably come up easily it's really interesting I'd link it but too lazy to find it again I guess it's a bizarre not answer to your question but I have kind of the opposite to want a lot of parent-child relationships have which is that my parents are absolutely convinced that I'm a terrible person even though as far as I'm aware I'm not it's difficult to explain exactly how the best concrete example I can think of is that when I was a teenager they wouldn't leave my kid brother alone in the house with me because they thought I'd intentionally hurt him as an adult I've asked them not to treat me like I'm bad and violent and their response several times has been stop being bad and violent then which would be a bit harsh I guess if I'd actually been a problem kid but I wasn't I was really miserable and crap but literally the worst thing I ever did was have arguments with them I've never hit anyone broken plates et Cie said crap on fire tortured animals I don't know what their problem is was sometimes it was legit bad enough that I started wondering if I was somehow blanking out and doing bad things when I wasn't aware of it pretty sure I wasn't a freaking fantastic way to do a number on a kid's self-esteem but it has also made me legitimately terrified of proving them right which means I'm basically the least aggressive person you'll ever meet so mission accomplished I have a relative that treats their kid this way except now at 18 the kid is everything they said she would be I can't help but wonder if it's a chicken or the egg situation sometimes when they have a problem with her I am more surprised by their actions than hers not a parent a sibling throw away for obvious reasons my older brother very well falls into the terrible person category we had a pretty big age gap and I missed a lot of what transpired between my parents and my brother it's as I'm aging I'm starting to understand a lot more I'm getting pieces of the story from him and our mother as our father passed away years ago now I heard horror stories growing up about my brother how he hid the cat or lit the rug on fire or wet the bed for years and they were always sorta used as a measure for me as the younger sibling to do better I didn't really register that they were really awful things as a kid other than things I shouldn't do he had trouble in high school and ended up only getting a get he spent years jumping from job to job as he most often would end up fired from one place or another for various reasons when I went to Community College I tried to get him to go with me he's plenty smart enough to go to school just terrible at attending he dropped out shortly after I found out later my father had botched paying the high school where my brother was attending he had to scrounge and work after school to stay in school and graduate this was right around the time of Columbine and my parents who were paranoid something would happen to him at a public school my parents had been very hard on him as a kid every time he had screwed up once I showed up younger sibling they essentially wanted him to start being independent and they hadn't set him up for it I don't think my entire family parents included would clam up if you talked about emotions other than happiness no one ever seemed able to talk about it or it was impolite or it wasn't to be discussed with anyone else we were expected to process emotions by ourselves behind closed doors and surprisingly this resulting in huge arguments between my parents and eventually divorce but that's another story I'm not saying my parents were terrible I don't think they were I turned out okay I think I just don't think they knew how to do with my elder brother and it ruined him in a way I try and do what I can for him and make an effort to be there for him I don't want to go into too much detail even with a thrill away he's a loose cannon he definitely has emotional issues and he won't seek help for them he's a pathological liar and slick enough to talk his way out of most things especially with a therapist psychologist he isn't self-sufficient and relies on everyone else for everything believe me once I'm all he has left he is going to get self-sufficient real quick the thing that really freaks me up at the end of the day in this long debate about nature V nurture or eco evo-devo whichever how big a part does genetics really playing this if I have children at some point will I end up with someone like my brother what are the chances of that yay it's very sad my aunt and uncle were always suckers for stray so it just fed my cousin sick mind I think he still may be up to it he recently came home from jail and my aunt's tiny Pomeranian mysteriously died she would never tell us how that little dog passed away I think my cousin killed it I have kind of the opposite story my cousin is the son of an absolute fricking monster I'd ask grandma when she realized her son was a piece of garbage but she has Alzheimer's and can barely remember his name most days so my cousin apparently he realized that his dad was a bad person when his dad put forward no assistance when his mom died he got passed around the family for several years and then joined the military lives in Texas trying to instill in his sons the importance and value of a good dad I love that your cousin broke the cycle good for him I think this is really hard for people to answer I have relatives that are desperately trying to help their kid not be that terrible person this kid cannot go to public school his behavior is truly terrifying and relatives will not allow their kids to be alone with this kid they have tried counseling medication cognitive behavior therapy and are desperately trying a new program because the last straw will be to seek an external placement this kid is loved his parents are doing everything they can to make him and help him be good they are devoted to supporting his interests and skills I absolutely could criticize how they parent but in reality I don't know how they stay sane they are angels we just all pray that this kid who is ridiculously smart and talented somehow gets it and realizes that being good even though it is not what you want to do will help you for most in the long term because this kid lacks empathy and remorse and if he doesn't come to that realization people animals will get hurt and he will be incarcerated I don't think he is a lost cause but holy crap you cannot imagine the stress and heartache this causes his parents you can't easily explain away the behaviors of the kid that threatens to kill their teacher and people that Kempe the--when you explained that the specialists cannot give you a clear answer as to what is wrong with him without a proper diagnosis it just looks like your kid is a crap and you suck at life as a parent the unsolicited advice I always get is to beat is but which is the opposite of what they should do I wish I could give them a magic pill no one should live in fear of their small child no one should worry about how their child will hurt others in the future I know my relatives did not deserve this and this little boy never asked to have his brain wired like this currently he is too young to say it's all him but one day his behavior will be a choice I have a friend who is raising a terrible adult he is only eight right now but I can see the effects of her lack of parenting now he is going to be in prison before he is old enough to drink she is also a terrible person so yet terrible people make terrible people my parents probably thought I was going to be a terrible person I bit myself blamed my brother I was manipulative lied constantly and by kindergarten my only ambition was to marry rich I screamed so loudly the neighbors thought I was being abused whenever I didn't get my way but the one time my mom spanked me and rightfully so I threatened to call the police I made her cry more than once my brother was afraid of me my parents didn't know what to do with me they likely thought I was going to grow up and be a serial killer but then I hit an all-time low childhood onset major depressive sowed coupled with crippling anxiety a rescue dog who helped me out of it along with an amazing therapist and I turned a corner by late middle school I was just a weird awkward young teenager I liked deathnote hot topic and being random by high school I was ambitious had amazing grades and a solid group of friends still a little weird but I grew out of it by the time I went to college in college I laid low dated had friends tried to get through it now I am a successful young adult I'm happy I volunteer I work hard and get along well with my parents my parents through they were raising a terrible person I'm sure of it but as an adult I have to say they did a dang good job I imagine that actual terrible people come about one of two ways the first is the opposite of myself they are perfectly fine children who somehow just turn out bad no reason for it they just do the second is they start out bad like I did give their parents teachers et Cie give up on them they don't get the help they need they don't get the support just my two cents as a former terrible person my aunt's kid is a complete psychopath he's 12 now and can barely have a single conversation with anyone he has huge issues being around people and will randomly just go up and push direct strangers over or unto trees objects he barely speaks a word and spends all of his time on minercraft his whole life is that game and trying to do anything with him that doesn't involve this is horrible my entire family refused to go out in public with him and he has not invited over for Christmas the last time he stayed with us feeling sorry for him heeding my family's warnings I took him to the movies he refused to change and wore his pajamas the Fiat right took him to has two big flights of stairs gold railings red carpet ultra nice whilst buying tickets I turn around to see him Sparta kick a six-year-old down the flight of stairs and then scream and spitted the mother I was in horror and both the mother and me froze and he just sat there laughing I then took him home and uninstalled minecraft and changed the wife my password day 1 of 7 the next six days was like watching someone coming down from age with my entire family begging for me to give him the Wi-Fi password in which I refused to which during Christmas Eve he proceeded to try alight our Christmas tree on fire and break every present luckily my dad caught him and booted them both out of our house looking at my arms the kids never had a chance a product of divorced parents with them pushing him to learn the flute and refused to take him to any outside activities his father is constantly working so just left him alone to play Minecraft apologies guys my reasoning of divorced parents didn't mean that the root cause or any issue rather he is always back and forth every week they split weeks and they are constantly fighting in public and during drop-off they have mediated drop-offs so he really doesn't have a stable place a couple via but with his father never being around on the week he's there it's just a really bad situation compounded by his surroundings in fairness I am a child of divorced parents and was for the most part left alone and I ain't never tried to use my Christmas tree for kindling so these can't be the only factors to him I feel Fe writing about this but it is very relevant my aunt's two oldest children killed her youngest child they were 15 and 10 the victim was six the elder sister was the instigator and always had been my aunt and uncle go broke he refuses to work and was always starting some kind of get-rich-quick business and argued a lot and had been separated for a time but there was no physical abuse in the home especially not towards the kids but the sister was always a problem and her dad tried to control it on his own because I think they both couldn't admit that she wasn't just a confused kid she was a psychopath if she was on antidepressants for a while but they took her off because she was too zoned out in school she manipulated her brother who had learning disabilities into taking the blame for a lot of their earlier troublemaking and she would make outlandish claims about her parents torturing her when she got in trouble at school once she was only in trouble for stealing a lollypop out of her teacher's desk and she still got CPS involved in to distract from her own crime there is something evil in her that can never be fixed she has no capacity for empathy I've been told that relatives could tell something was wrong when she was a year old she was charged as an adult has been denied parole each time but will exhaust her maximum sentence in nine years he was sent to a facility for teenagers released when he was 17 and my aunt put him in counseling and intensive church groups for both of them but he was never able to forgive himself and took his life in 2014 the parents divorced shortly after the kids were convicted and my aunt led a grief group through her church but has been inconsolable since the suicide she is a beautiful person with so much love for others and it is so hard to understand how she could be dealt this hand in life I'd be willing to bet that the little psychopath didn't shed a tear when she found out her brother killed himself not me but when my grandparents had my mother my grandmother said she knew instantly that there was something wrong with her child when she got older my mom would steal her parents checks and four-jaw her mother's name once she stole a $100 bill from one of her cousins she ran away multiple times ended up getting addicted to drugs and at 42 is just now getting he crap together my grandmother insists that her daughter was born broken I can't speak for my parents but I can speak for myself when talking about my brother and my brother is five years older than me and my parents have been heavily abusive my entire life I was diagnosed with autism when I was six and my parents immediately pulled me from public school and homeschooled me my only interaction with another kid was with my brother while I shied away and withdrew my brother acted out and horribly so I think I realized it about a year after I was pulled out of school my brother had taken me out of the house I was excited but we soon met up with what I could only describe as a gang now I know they had gotten my brother at an early age 12 the conversation immediately changed from my brother talking to me about light-hearted topics to a laughing mocking conversation about blood and gore with the elder members he'd met up with all I could do is watch I remember thinking that my brother was not a good person and that I can't look to ever see him becoming a good person and I was right half a year later he was arrested and thrown in juvenile detention for assault he got out after a few months as my abusive father is a lawyer and was back in six months later because police had caught him killing people's pets the pattern continued and continued and when he was 15 he got out and didn't go back that was because when he turned 17 his long term boyfriend had him arrested for repeated physical assault and abuse he was tried as an adult and is now in prison I think it's probably the fault of our parents this was about a year and a half ago I didn't turn out like he did but I'm under the impression that abuse affects people in different ways I'm not sure why I turned out differently but his behavior and our parents behavior affected me a lot I still wonder what my brother would have been like had he not developed the way he had just wanted to reach out to you since you're one of the few people who has sort of answered the question I hope you've got him out of your parents house if possible you should definitely be seeing a counselor you're right that part of the reason your brother became like this is because of his upbringing but that does not excuse it at all thanks for sharing as a terrible person I will describe my parents my parents are overly religious mother was a children's minister and father is a Sunday school teacher my parents were overly protective and overly strict I wasn't allowed to do anything and was breathalysed every day of high school so I wouldn't drink this created a forbidden fruit that was women drugs and alcohol and I loved all of those things not me did my mum regarding my sister I think despite the fact my sister is a contentious little madam at the best of times capable of being nice only when she wants something and becoming vicious and vindictive when she doesn't get her own way the defining moment came when my sister had her kid she had him young and essentially used him as an accessory to her life look at me I'm amazing I have a child who is my world type thing in reality she couldn't be bothered with him she left him with my mum 90% of the time and whenever she spent time with him she was more concerned with playing on her phone or talking to her friends than looking after her child preferring to let my mum do it my mum was disabled by the way very poorly and in lots of pain my mum took to looking after my nephew like her own son and did a good job of helping him in every way possible teaching him to talk walk good manners and singing him lullabies and reading with him all the things my sister should have done but she preferred to be off snorting coke with whichever man she was sleeping with at the time mum would say regularly how sad she was about the whole thing how disappointed how worn out and browbeating and isolated and abused she felt because of my sister it didn't help she was in cahoots with my mum's husband bitching about her behind her back and making her feel and welcome in her own home of course she criticized everything my mother did quite nastily and would regularly drop my nephew on my mum whenever mom had plans just to ruin them because she knew mom would always care for an innocent child while she was off stealing money from her and drunk driving there's a lot more to this I can't articulate very well just how poorly behaved my sister is and I can't very well ask my mum now as she died last month I'm so sorry for your loss your mum sounds like an honestly lovely woman I hope you're doing okay I saw a dope I aim Aspira scientist can't recall name who out of interest did all the tests to see if he had a sociopathic disorder he was shocked to find he checked all the boxes for one of the serial killer type disorders he worked out that it was because he'd been raised in a loving family that he'd turned out fine so that's something for a nurture argument albeit a sample size of one wish I could remember his name I may not be a terrible person in actuality but to my parents I'll probably be when they find out how I really act please don't force religion on your children no one wins yep my mom thinks I'm going to heck because I'm an atheist and happen to have gay friends she certainly thinks I'm a terrible person but I know I'm not so whatever my aunt has a son who has always been different so to speak he has always been very violent liked bloody movies especially of women being tormented tortured killed he has been known to try and spy on women changing showering he was actually caught hiding in a closet when our other cousin was living with them he also tried to make a hole in the wall to spy on her whenever I would stay over I would lock the door while I showered and every single time he had to go to the bathroom but would not get out until I called his mom to get him out he told my cousin's his sisters how he would kill them in their mom and who he would kill first he does says really violent things and doesn't show any remorse he also would watch me sleep when I had to Babis it one summer after that first morning I was legit terrified off going back to sleep when my aunt left for work he would always touch their dog's private regions and would always take him into the bathroom and lock the door no one knew what he would do but you can only guess whenever I was around I would immediately call him out on it and told him it was never okay to touch an animal like that his mom never said anything but as soon as someone would say something about him she would hit him but it was because she was actually angry at the person for saying anything and took it out on him she refuses to get him help that has no issue calling my siblings and I pieces of crap considering we're actually in lot better situations than her and her children I cut off contact years ago my dad has some really flicked up family and I don't like to associate myself with em I'm a terrible person and my parents probably realized it when I was suspended for stabbing a kid in the shin with a pencil for flicking my is in fifth grade I haven't really talked about this with anyone before so this may be bit of a rambling mess and I'm on mobile but bear with me I worry about my stepson he has had a rough life he lived with his abusive mother for eight years before the courts finally placed him with his father and me he doesn't do anything crazy it's just that he lies about every little thing he lies when there is no reason to lie it's almost as if he gets a thrill out of it or he can't help it I get that lying is somewhat normal but he's next level I never know if I should believe him because I have been fooled by his lies so many times and it sucks he is lacking on empathy and extremely impulsive which is a bad combo he is not a good student and his reading and writing skills are that of a third grader and he is in the sixth grade we have had him tested for learning disabilities and the conclusion is always at he is just lazy which he is so they are not wrong still they has to be something else but I'm not an expert another thing that really worries me is that he is extremely unstable emotionally really minor things will set him off on to fits of rage or into over-the-top sobbing it's very strange and kind of scary finally if he is caught in a lie or doing something he is not supposed to be doing he will never admit to it everything is always someone else's fault and never his he will go to extreme lengths to avoid taking responsibility you could have him on video doing something and he would still refuse to own up to it it's insanely frustrating and worrisome to me so I worry that he will drop out of school and turn to crime because it's the easy way out I don't think he will be violent but I don't know he is still young I lose a lot of sleep at night worrying about his future though I know we have to play our cards right as parents right now or he will end up getting into a lot of trouble someday I hope all of my warriors feel nothing this sounds just like my sister's son when he was younger he was diagnosed with a DD put on Ritalin and is now a respectable well-functioning kid if he forgets his pill he starts reverting but when he's on it he is a really good kid not a parent but sister to a terrible older brother no mental disorders to speak of he was definitely not on the level of killing animals and threatening people but he would often to get into fights with other students in credibly manipulative towards people very emotionally abusive to my sister and I and stealing all sorts of things money usually I believe he assaulted someone when I was in Middle School but fortunately for him they didn't press charges not really sure what he is up to nowadays last time I heard from him he was homeless and selling drugs up in the northwest us he likes it makes my mother incredibly sad because she did all she could for him she was a fantastic mother to my siblings and I would go above and beyond for our needs and problems her children always came first compared to anything else she tried multiple time to get him into therapy and help for his issues but he was too stubborn and nothing ever stuck last time they had an in-person interaction my parents had picked him up from being homeless and brought him to our house the whole time he was trying to get alcohol and drugs from my brother my parents offered to let him stay with us so he could get the necessary help but he told my mom that he just wanted money from them and would rather be homeless and hated them and hated being here if they ended up giving him a couple grand and shipped him back on a greyhound I believe this is when my mother finally gave up on him and realized she couldn't help him and he was just going to be a manipulative butthole it is still a sore subject and I can always tell she becomes upset when he is mentioned but she is happy because she raised three good children out of four honestly you have to realize and so does Iman that three out of four is more than tons of people could say just the fact that she raised a perfect huge this carrier is more than enough if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 186,031

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Keywords: parents, parents stories, parenting, parenting fails, parenting 101, parenting is hard, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: 6RgQNKUBB6w

Length: 30min 48sec (1848 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 25 2020