What Was So Pretentious That It Left You Speechless?

what's something you found so pretentious that it actually rendered you speechless when I was working a crappy job in my younger days a customer was upset that he had to wait and line like everyone else before being able to make his purchase he actually said Do You Know Who I am I own hotels to which I replied well sir I'm sorry but this isn't monopoly this is Krispy Kreme he was not pleased I imagined a group of urban youth popping up out of nowhere and saying done you got served sucker immediately after you said that I was at a museum looking at some Contemporary Art out loud I said I don't get it some guy looks over at me and smugly scoffed oh I do I was watching that show where contestants have each other over for dinner parties and rate the experience there was this sweet little Irish lady and then a bunch of pretentious foodies she made a shrimp appetizer with a row source at all of the foodies were gushing over they kept talking about detecting a hint of this or a touch of that or whatever and then the camera panned back to the Irish lady her secret recipe it's just mayonnaise and ketchup TL DR mayo and ketchup his freakin delicious I was working with a client in my showroom and another client of mine had called twice my coworker gave me the message and I called him back right after my consultation was over he was P that I didn't excuse myself to answer his phone call apparently he told my coworker that merely taking a message was inexcusable because of the thousands of dollars he had spent he told me this is pretty much verbatim tell your co-workers that if I call you out to be notified immediately you will excuse yourself immediately and get on the phone your other clients won't mind he explained that his calls will only take a minute or two guess how long that particular conversation was 56 minutes dudes in his early 60s you never outgrow being a spoiled brat I work in a police dispatch center and a rather prominent women of our town called in to report some damage done to her front porch she insisted she would only deal with the Chief of Police and no one else this was about 10:00 p.m. I informed her that a the chief is only at station during business hours and me he would not be handling this case anyway as any patrol officer could handle it she insisted I call the chief at home and had him come in or send an officer to his home to wake him as she was too important to deal with a patrol officer if she was so damned important the chief would have given her his personal phone number I work as a bartender and our wine bottles range from $42 to the most expensive bottle at wine which is a $75 bottle of petite Syrah one day these two women came in to see the wine list buy bottles and said that our wine including the Syrah were too lowbrow for their taste and walked away when older English woman sitting at the bar overheard looked at me and said who jeez what are they worth Child's lol working retail I hear things like do you have any idea how much money I spent here every year enough to pay your wages I often wish I had enough money to buy a business and only hire employees with the foul list of mouths I would then make their employment conditional on their ability to tell off customers who gave them crap all hints of thoughts of envy over my friends good-looking Irish boy friend came to a stop when the following came out of his mouth the thing about real jazz is you don't listen to the music the music listens to you ha ha oh my 56 upvotes these are redditor as it happened so I hope he sees this and feels suitably chastised in Soviet Russia oh I don't read fiction life is far too interesting as is oh yes I only read literature some douche talking to the library and the other day I was riding along with my brother and sister-in-law when they were casually house-hunting and I directed them to a very nice neighborhood where one of my cousin's lives my brother and sis-in-law are both attorneys and owned their firm and are pretty successful so I thought they would like this neighborhood as we drive through my cousin's neighborhood my sister-in-law scoffs in disbelief and I quote how does your cousin afford to live in this area she's a dentist and her husband is a teacher how can they afford to live here and we can't yet I'm an attorney I should be living here my brother and I was speechless when I tell horror stories about her I like to tell this one so people can get an idea of the kind of person to use I have quite the pretentious brother-in-law before they were married he was living in an upmarket flat house which has a view of the neighbor's backyard one day he stands there looking into their yard and notices their table umbrella which was slightly dirty with a look of disgust he says how can people have an umbrella like that they shouldn't be allowed to live here WTF don't know if it's quite the proper definition of pretentious but my aunt was telling me her son liked rock music I said that was cool and that I liked rap she goes oh John's a lot deeper than that great thank you for that I got a chuckle out of it though because I knew my cousin liked rap just as much as me so it just proved how clueless she was about her own kids I was once stuck with a social group of CEOs they didn't know me I mostly kept to myself and listened to their talk I guess in order to bond a woman was telling the rest of her shameful secret she liked to occasionally eat at Outback Steakhouse she really got her rything from everyone they were merciless she red faced staring at the floor giggled that she thought it was exciting that she never knew who else might be in there she might actually be eating a table away from her garbage man I exchanged Pleasant small talk with a few group members I work construction but being a petite nicely dressed woman I guess I wasn't sending off vibes as we were parting ways and I was walking away I distinctly heard a woman whisper is she blue-collar exclamation point 111 I've never been so happy to not be upper-class and have these people as my social circle it's hard to believe that people like that exist at the same time though it isn't my family is rich and upper-class still doesn't mean with pretentious dongs but the amount of pretentious crap we get from others in our community were Pakistani it's usually from marriage worst one I heard her family is so poor the dad's only a pharmacist and her skin color it's so dark it's usually about skin color and money since my family is rich and I'm very very white in my skin tone I get a lot of compliments from these pretentious hags I usually just say we're actually drug overlords this isn't my real skin I'm gonna marry a black man it usually freaks them out this isn't my real skin is fantastic don't know if this is necessarily pretentious but it's fricking a go testicle after we get a test back the kid who I sit next to in bio looks up at me all bewildered and goes it's almost like she's taking off points because I'm smarter than her I don't know there are some pretty flicked up teachers out there in a professional communications course I lost 3 or 4 percent of my total marks for an essay because the professor was convinced he'd was not a real word but then when I continued to argue with him my mark mysteriously dropped a full grade my cousin was staying with me because she was running away from her crazy boyfriend she's used to a life in a gated housing community where money is handed to her I lived in a middle-class neighborhood and she stayed in my extra bedroom with her kids we were on our way to get her daughter and went to the gated community she used to live in she said to me you have to go in and get her I would just die if anyone saw me like this after we left she sighed and said I can't live like this I just can't do this anymore thinking she had come to her senses she followed it with I have to get my nails done look at them I have a friend who has this really irritatingly pretentious habit of saying of course you do after someone expresses an opinion he disagrees with for instance I think sublime was one of the best bands in the nineties of course you do I'm stealing this one it's the perfect weapon against hipsters con the hipster sneer oh I only listen to Lounge rap disco folk sorry of course you do I never knew what an apple or orange looked like until I came to college because my mom would always have the maid spiel dem that can't be real I heard a kid in the library the other day talking about how he was going to fail one of his finals then he said it doesn't matter once you're in the 1% it's not like you can leave I was working as the assistant manager of goodwill and some lady walked into the store little yappy dog in hand and proceeded to put it into the part of the shopping cart you set your baby I calmly proceeded to say excuse me we do not allow pets in the store she tells me her dog has separation anxiety and she can not leave him out in the car my mouth fell open and I stared at her for a full three seconds before even starting to think about how to respond well I'm sorry that your situation prevents you from shopping here goodbye this is kind of the opposite when I was in high school as a freshman looking to volunteer at the local museum I decided I wanted to work in the physics lab they asked me why and I said well I already know everything about everything else 19 year old me wants to go back and slap 13 year old me several times standard red flag if you can't enumerate at least 30 things you know that you don't know you don't really know a lot I make Christmas presents for my family and friends because I'm broke in college and it's fun this year I'm canning salsa and I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to split the cost with me he said in the holiest voice I've ever heard no thanks I buy my family presents and then proceeded to tease me for being cheap gee Norma's red flag , dump his butt and send me some of your salsa I wrote a facebook status about how enjoyable it was to study when you're the one teaching the material to someone this turned into a conversation with my friend about how much he likes to over explain things when he's drunk and how funny he is when he's drunk this girl named chimes in well I'm glad that I've sworn to never drink to which my friend and I say that's fine to each their own and she has the nerve to say now I've known too many alcoholics to ever let it drop touch past my lips and something about there's no such thing as moderation with alcohol and I say well I grew up with an alcoholic mother watched her get beaten by her equally alcoholic boyfriend's puke blood regularly and pass out daily all when I was five I know what moderation is she then says well you have the right to your own opinion but I simply cannot respect anyone who drinks alcohol she makes statements like this on a regular basis if you hunt smoke eat meat don't believe in God drink X she thinks you're a bad person she also manages to make every single conversation all about herself and is one of those infuriating people who will talk your ear off about her problems and refuse to listen to any advice a RGH in the past year I've had to Midori sours I guess I'm a horrible alkie with no self-control at a Starbucks near my office in midtown Manhattan where everybody is a banana republic clone there's an employee who takes drink orders before you reach the register he doesn't wear anything like a hat apron or nametag which identifies him as a Starbucks employee not having encountered him before I suggested that he should wear some Starbucks swag his response no the guests of this Starbucks expect a more professional experience so I was going to say something more well-thought-out about this the best I could come up with was its fricking Starbucks my one of my first room mates was from a very rich Indonesian family she had never dressed herself before and on our first morning she stood up and outstretched her arms and waited for me to dress her I looked her dead in the face and told her she wasn't my Barbie she got the hint and discovered the wonders of buttons that day I don't know about speechless but I often find it pretentious when someone replies to something with a quote I will not enter a battle of wits with an unarmed man is a favorite but George Orwell quotes are the worst it's ironic that the sort of people who like to call everyone else sheeple are interchangeable individuals have somehow managed to all think and talk exactly alike I mean come on most of these people never even read 1984 quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit Oscar Wilde my bar is a great cocktail bar but a lot of people are taking the whole booze knob thing too far the bartender's hate it so I'm sitting there in this dalchi Fedora clad three-set comes in sits down looks around then one of them says let's get out of here this place doesn't even make its own vermouth I was at a scholarly conference and someone came up to me to tell me a well-known and much published author standing across the room wanted to speak to me the implication was I should walk over to talk to her I told the messenger tell her she may approach ya so after I told them how good my board was they all started getting the same one so I had to go buy a new one the Frick once at a restaurant here in Boston with a bunch of friends we all clearly saw and heard a man at one of the other tables whistle at shrill whistle and yell out Garson very loudly to call a waiter over he was completely in earnest about it a waiter came over and he asked for something we were all speechless for a few moments off did that just really happen when I was in university one of my friends who didn't go to the school often came to visit us because he was dating a girl that also went to the same school anyways one of my other friends who I no longer talked at is talking to the US he begins to complain about how much homework he has and the difficulty of university he then turns to friend one and says oh but you wouldn't understand like seriously friend to said a lot of other crap like that so I just stopped talking to him at all you cannot come with me at Chez Georges because you're too bourgeois said my parents pay everything both your flat and we'd ex-gf when I asked her why she'd never invited me to come to this jazz nightclub for the pushy youth of the 6th Parisian district a very very very pushy and rich neighborhood I get the idea she doesn't know what the word bourgeois means after my grandma died my father bought the house and we moved in when I was about six our neighbors next door had an awesome tree house I went over to say hi and see if there were any kids there the neighbors had two daughters and a son all around my age they said straight to my face that I couldn't play with them or play on the swing set or tree house the father worked in a tannery actually kind of a trash ball and our neighbor behind us said right to my parents my husband is an important doctor and we do not talk to our neighbors the first day my father was an accountant my grandfather a surgeon crap like that is way more baffling than a cake eater acting like a cake eater really pretentious guy I had to work within a play a few years ago I overheard him talking about growing up in a rich town and button me where are you from the game Greenwich him ha Greenwich no no no Greenwich is all new money me Oh had a friend in high school who no matter what band you were talking about he would always chime in oh dude I saw them live way before the were popular and only their first album is the real stuff worth listening to or some hipster crap like that one day my friends and I decided to completely make up a band and talk about it and he said all the exact same crap my roommate is a pretty nice guy but when we play Super Smash Bros his ego goes through the frickin roof and he doesn't realize it when he starts doing poorly he convinces himself that everyone is going for him when in reality people who are near him attack him because they are near him anyways a couple weeks ago he said and I quote I know why you guys always go for me you don't like to see me in first at the end of the game I guess I would get pretty fed up too if someone else kept winning all the time I have never met a person in my life who takes casual video gaming as seriously as he does I went to school with this girl who copied everyone's work and didn't end up graduating but she acts like she's the most intelligent being to ever walk the face of the earth she basically shoots on everyone for liking things that are currently popular and complains about how she's the only person left in our generation that reads Shakespeare and loves anything classical she recently made a fan page for herself on Facebook and posts quotes that she comes up with and artsy pictures of herself I guess your movie was entertaining but you need to focus more on visuals than story story doesn't account for anything in film my film teacher well to be fair that transformer series are incredibly successful I always find the keep Tahoe blue bumper stickers on SUVs to be pretty pretentious and I don't think the people who put the oval outer banks OBX stickers on their cars on the East Coast understand the joke firefighters can be pretty full of themselves former ffs EMT here I don't know how many times I've heard one say something to the nature of hey we can't spare the time to do that we're too busy saving lives out there the working at a grocery store in a small town I was taking a check and asked for the ID and the dumby said don't you know who I am and I said obviously not and if I did I doubt I would be impressed since you're shopping here and so I guess I wasn't quite speechless but it WS totally worth it when she asked to speak to the manager and I showed her on my nametag that I was that shifts manager she never wrote a check without showing ID again so who was she while at a party someone started speaking about religion knowing how this would play out I decided to sit back and watch at some point I started zoning out and began checking out many other things on my Android finally I heard some guy in a doubt she voice say this Jim do you even know the Four Noble Truths I immediately began bursting out in laughter and told the group that was the most pretentious thing I have ever heard a human say I answered the phone to one of the managing directors of the company I work at I said hello he said hi then I asked how I could help him he then went mental because I'd asked how I could help him and that I didn't know what he wanted or who he was I quit my voice recognition software couldn't obtain motive or identity from a two letters thinking nobody could be so stuck up and that he must be joking he got me my first written warning which I keep somewhere because of its comedy value I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian but you don't need to be in the pew to know that there is something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school as president I'll end Obama's war on religion and I'll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage faith made America strong it can make her strong again how pretentious America could be a guy freaked my mind is strong talking with a friend of mine at uni both of us have had problems that past in high school she's beulah macand I was a self Harmer to the point of suicide anyway she still got her problems and I don't I give her the number of the hospital I went to which helped me get my life back on track in an attempt to help and stop her bitching about her life and do something about it she looks at the number wrinkles her nose crumples the paper up and throws it away I asked her why and her response you gave me the number of an NHS hospital I don't do the NHS I've got private health care for a reason we are both British and for the non British we get our free health care on the NHS but if you're rich you can opt out and pay for your health care this from a girl who still claims she has problems and will supposedly do anything to get rid of them beggars can't be choosers sunshine my wife and I was sitting at an outdoor cafe in northern Michigan when a guy sat down at the next table he leans over and asks us what we ordered which were both meat dishes we tell him and he leans back crosses his arms and says I'd like to compliment you on your choices but I'm a vegetarian then he smugly turned around and continued smoking his clothes cigarette while waiting for a lab to start guy in my group casually asks DB paydirt how much does it cost to fill your car me oh I dunno $40 or so 91 Civic DB oh yeah it's getting expensive supreme is at dollar sign xxx today me yeah I just use regular gas DB oh yeah I know I just mean I can afford to puts a cream in my car that was it that's all he wanted to say I was dumbfounded I'm by no means poor but I guess it was pretty clear I didn't come from money as he apparently did I was at some Heritage Centre before and there were pieces of art on the wall there now this art was a blank aluminium sheet with a small badly drawn circle carved onto it it was titled water so I asked someone working there the manager I think what did the piece mean as I didn't understand he said some crap like you have to find it within yourself then told me to look out a window and asked me if I saw it yet as if it would just hit me out of nowhere I was becoming frustrated so I point-blank asked him what did he see he said he couldn't tell me what he saw because it was influence what I saw and thus change my experience freakin modern art if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 57,385

Rating: 4.8636742 out of 5

Keywords: pretentious, speachless, pretentious game, pretentious people, leaves you speechless, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: oy6s7M1-mXs

Length: 23min 33sec (1413 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 21 2020