Parents, What's The Weirdest Thing You've Seen Your Kid Doing?

dear parents of reddit what is the most freaked up crap you've caught your kid doing my son was five and had started playing skyrim on the xbox 360. one afternoon the neighbor called and asked if i could watch her son also five for a few hours they played with swords shields nerf guns typical boy games at one point i stopped hearing them that's always a dangerous thing with any child you know something is going down i opened the door very quietly and saw them on the floor my son was now wearing his friend's shirt and pants and the other boy was down to only his underwear my first thought was what the frick but my son looked up at me with a sword in his hand and said we are playing skyrim and i just killed him so i am taking his stuff all i could say was okay but let's try to keep all of our clothes on from now on this one is awesome well from the age of about 2-5 i had a flock of imaginary ducks that used to follow me around apparently we had to wait a good minute or see each day when getting into the car so all my duck friends could come along when asked about them i would say that i am their king and they are here to follow me but apparently it started getting weird when i would pretend to break up fights between the ducks and cry when one died yeah i was a bit of a freaked up kid this is my favorite imaginary friend story i've ever heard my brother hated bugs and we had a cacti in our front yard he would cut their heads off amd the skewer them all over the cactus or he would take their head and put twigs in their body where their heads would be vlad the exterminator sent the boys to bed with popcorn for a fun treat here manacle laughed her shortly thereafter go upstairs to find one of them sticking popcorn bat with his cheeks and farting so it came out asked what was going on both boys in a panic tried to eat evidence as mother and i watched horrified i can't stop laughing this is so funny walked into the bathroom to find my son trying to put a piece of crap up his butt because he thought his heart fell out my fart will go on not my kid bye but my friend went to pick up his little brother from his friend's house and no parents were home so he walked up and found his brother and his friend holding each other's dongs my friend is a third grade teacher he came to school one morning after having been out sick for a day and found that his classroom only had girls turns out all of the boys had been suspended the day before for teabagging each other during recess didn't happen to me but a friend caught her four-year-old son killing their kitten by smashing it with a book he's been going to therapy but still the kitten did not survive the husband is rich despite knocking up a girl at 15 because his dad owns a construction company he was born rich their son is going to therapy regularly and is not currently on any medication but the psychiatrist may prescribe some later on the parents are high school friends of mine who i keep in touch with that's fricked up less freaked up than funny but my cousin entered the bathroom to find her two-year-old boy had covered himself in mommy's stickers they weren't stickers there were cottage pads and yes there are photos i fondly remember a birthday party at my then-girlfriend's family when her five-year-old cousin came down the stairs from the bathroom happy as a clam and announcing to the world mommy i stuffed cotton balls into my butt just as you always do mommy was not happy with her son apparently when i was little i ran off naked towards the local golf course i was also caught making my butthole breathe in front of the mirror oh and i picked up my little sister by the head i caught my 11 year old daughter using her mother's adult toy i don't know who was more shocked or embarrassed her or i my wife handled it better than i my wife handled it better than i of course she did my mom caught my little brother descaling their brand new goldfish at the kitchen table was disturbing from what i hear on the note of fish abuse when i was little apparently my friends and i were playing house my dad had a big fish tank he loved we took out the fish and cooked them on the wood stove for our dinner you do it up he was very very upset son here you know those furious wanks you sims do purely to get your fun stick to settle down well yeah i had been cooking cookies listening to music nobody was home so i thought one minute till the cookies are done i can do this and i basically lay on the floor and furiously beat my meat with all my might finish open my eyes and behold my mom's full of shopping in the doorway we didn't speak for a while and avoided eyesight so that's the secret ingredient i have been told on numerous occasions about how when i was three or four as my parents and i were walking out of the old spaghetti factory i turned to a table that had a black family in it with a little black boy about my age i excitedly exclaimed look it's a basketball baby my parents told me this story of when i was about 3 4 years old my sister was playing in her room one day and apparently came across a spider in her toy chest being a five six year old girl she lost her mind and started screaming that's when i supposedly learned what my life's calling was as the story goes i come barging into my sister's room yell don't worry kittis infection sister i'll hypnotize it with my dong and promptly drop my pants my dad laughed my mother cried i defeated a spider my mother cried because i was her youngest child and hearing those words coming out of my mouth just really made her upset not a parent but my friend's little brother who was five or six at the time would strip down and chase me through the house with a kitchen knife i was terrified of hanging out with my friend because of this so after it happened two or three times and one time his older brothers attacked me while wearing the screen costume i decided i wasn't going to his house anymore alright that's pretty freaked not a parent but an older sister this is a doozy so my family adopted a five-year-old kid with disabilities and also reactive attachment disorder from south america she had been pretty badly abused by whoever had taken care of her down there and needless to say the kid had quite a few issues there were a few incidents but the worst ones will always stick out in my brain one the kid would stare at our fireplace for hours she would get excited when we turned it on and visibly upset when we turned it off one day we came downstairs to the entire house reeking off gas and we called the fire department the gas key in the fireplace had been removed we later found it under her bed along with a knife too one day my mom and i woke up to screaming from outside it was maybe 5 a.m in december we ran outside to find the child pushing my other little sister she was maybe two at the time under the water in our fountain it was around 40 degrees the dog was also huddled in a ball shaking from being soaking wet in the cold we installed alarm systems that rang out when you opened a door three one day i heard screaming from down the hall walked into the bathroom and both of my little sisters are covered in blood on the floor no idea where it came from and ended up taking them to the hospital still have no idea where it came from after that i didn't let the child be around my smallest sister the two-year-old with down syndrome alone anymore before we had a pool in our backyard that we closed during winter but that would be open in the summer i would teach them how to swim the younger sister the two-year-old with diaz hated water and would stand on the stairs or sit next to the pool with her feet in the entire time the demon child loved water and would jump in wholeheartedly one day i realized that i was getting sun burnt and went to walk out most ten feet from the pool to get the sunscreen i heard the telltale screech and i turn around in the maybe ten seconds i had been out of the pool the demon child has grabbed a hold of the smaller sister and pulled her into the water and was attempting to push her head under after trying for two years to make her successfully part of the family we recognized that things were not getting better and that it was a huge safety risk for my smallest sister it ended up driving a huge wedge between my parents but we ended up placing her in a permanent group home for kids with reactive attachment disorder where there are many behavior therapists and where people understand what to do now the youngest sister is around 10 years old and she's happy healthy and great we get updates every once in a while about the emotionally disturbed child but i don't regret the decision to move her somewhere far away from us not a parent but an older brother when my younger sisters twins were about two three years old they filled the bathtub up with hot water only using the red side of the two knobs and took off their diapers and threw them in the bathtub i heard from my mom that they inflated to huge dimensions oh at the time one of them put an entire roll of toilet paper in the toilet effectively clogging it my sisters do weird crap together my three yo son figured out how to take selfies with an old ipad we had wife thought i'd be picks were hysterical but not safe to show others wipe that ipad pretty fast as would be tough to explain the pics to people funny because he was all calm in the pics batman undies just one leggin halfway up his leg as he posed for the camera it was as though he knew exactly how he wanted to look in them more creepy than fricked up but i was watching my nephew who at the time was just old enough to make conversation i hear him talking to someone in the living room and i think oh my brother came home when i was in the bathroom i grabbed whatever i needed in the kitchen and head to the living room and hear him say okay we'll talk later i walked in and he was alone and he looked back past me like he watched someone walking away and he waved and said bye so i asked um blake who were you talking to the little girl what little girl the one who just hugged you he said laughing in that tone kids get when they think you're freaking with them i don't know why she did she said she hated you oh and while he turned back to mickey mouse clubhouse i sat there with a million-yard stare screaming nope nope nope nope nope nope in my head asked brother and his wife about the girl and apparently they know all about her how the parents knew apparently my nephew told his mom and dad all about the little girl and how she lives in his room but mostly just outside of it how she likes the new play place my brother and i built one of those nice wooden jungle gym things but she's sad it was built over her dog and they know she's four or five and brown hair and eyes in a easter dress i talked to my brother last night and asked him more and he said his boys so far haven't seen the girl in a while the one from the story is now nine and his younger brother is seven both his boys have seen and talked to the little girl he has a third son who's only a year old so we'll see if the little girl comes back soon but my brother said he thought he saw a little girl in the hallway outside blake's room once but he was asleep on the couch and could have been dreaming so who knows i used to enjoy wanking it in the shower with a condom on and once i left the used rubber behind and my mum found it awkward conversation after when i had to explain i didn't even have a girl over when i was a kid like five i went through a phase where i had convinced myself i was the only real person in the world and that my parents teachers friends etc were all just constructs in my own world that i created i remember saying stuff to my mom and teacher along the lines of you can't do anything to me that i don't want you to do i made you i remember at the time thinking that it was strange that i would choose to have one of my constructs punish me i decided that i was doing it because life would get boring if it was too easy i i eventually got over all this my three-year-old son asked this random woman in a store if she was scared in the fire he said i saw you burning but i couldn't help you the woman turned white as a sheet and explained to me that she had been in a terrible house fire when she was little 50 years ago it burned her hands and legs very badly i was very creeped out at the time i'm still not sure what the frick happened there i don't know if it's fricked up but it freaked me up a bit i caught my one year old with something in her mouth by the time i said to her what do you have she crunched on a few times and then spit it out i went over to investigate and was horrified to see that she had spit out a lizard head a freaking lizard head in her mouth ugh i guess the cats brought it in and ate the rest of it she just happened to find the head before i saw it nasty funny considering that's actually why cats bring in dead stuff they think humans are just terrible hunters that need help i bet they were super proud of your daughter not a parent but when i was helping my nine years younger sister clean her room i found a pouch where she was storing dead flies my little sister pinned my cat down because he was trying to run away from her broke the poor guy's hips from doing it like how hard do you have to push down not super freaked up but was still awful to walk into him screaming in pain and her still refusing to let him go for those asking yes he lived thank god i wrote this right after reading the other stories so i guess that's why i said it wasn't that freaked up it really is it's been years and i still haven't forgiven her she still gets rough with animals and i snap out i know there's unconditional love for siblings and all that crap but i don't like her she's a freaking sociopath that's pretty freaked up not my kids but me i dumped all my mom's medicine in the car vents when my mom saw me with empty medicine bottles she freaked out and took me to the hospital assuming i ate them all my grandma tells me a story about how my uncle threw himself down the stairs in the morning so hf wouldn't have to go to school grandma took him to the hospital got a cast on his arm fed him and then dropped him off at school not a parent but the older brother my little brother at around age six decided to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but not just a regular pbnj that day he decided to place an inch-long needle from our mom's sewing room inside the sandwich laying parallel to the bread he took a bite swallowed then opened the sandwich up the needle was still there so of course he took another bite he ate the needle then went to tell my mom what he did my parents frantically took him to the emergency room but i remember him being totally relaxed he did do it intentionally after all the short story is he ended up crapping it out a needle day later discolored but fully intact no internal or rectal bleeding i think my mom kept it to shame him at a future date my mom loves to tell the story of when i was around five we were headed to a family function and i wanted to be a big boy and do things on my own so i went and rubbed glue all over my body thinking it was lotion and ran into my parents room saying look mommy i put lotion on my parents still laugh at me my boyfriend works at a preschool and he's told me many stories of kids that are messed up one that sticks in my head is of a young boy about five years old he's always doing strange things to other children beyond usual kids will be kids fighting over toys etc once my boyfriend called him out on it saying he was being unfair and should let the other kids play with the same toys during timeout he sat next to my boyfriend and started plucking his arm hairs out one by one when he asked him what he was doing he replied i'm trying to hurt you you told me what to do i'm going to keep doing this until you tell me it hurts it's not the first case of him threatening staff he repeatedly tells another male member of staff that he's going to hurt and kill him sometimes with graphic details when this was brought up with the kid's mother she states her child is an angel and would do no such thing apparently the school has had to get involved and is forcing the parents to make this kid have counseling all the time the parents kicking up a fuss saying there is nothing wrong with him not freaked up just flat out scary i am a single mom and i live with my two-year-old daughter one day we were playing in her room and i saw something move out of the corner of my eye i scare easily so i thought that maybe i was seeing things right after i did one of those weird twitchy jump straddles my daughter looks me dead in the eye and says demons i just remember my heart sinking and my face tingling nope nope nope hey babe let's go to the park for the rest of the day lol i'm imagining a two-year-old girl deadpanning demons it made me laugh son here i was a messed up kid i had problems thinking before acting and went to therapy for it when i was little when i was five i walked my sister across a four-lane highway my parents car had broken down so i could show her the cliffside and the ocean on the other side of the highway she was bali 2 at the time i don't remember this but my mom always tells me this story we are lucky to be alive when i was in kindergarten i found a turtle down by the creek i thought i would bring it in for show until the next day i did and it went great but when my parents said i had to put the turtle back in the creek so i got jealous and mad i didn't want anyone else to have the turtle if i couldn't have it so i went back down to the creek and threw the turtle as hard as a five-year-old could against a nearby rock the turtle bounced somewhere and i lost it in the water thank god to this day i am still horrified at some of the things i did as a child my son's room smelled really bad for some time in fact the whole house reeked off pee but we have cats and assumed that it was a litter box that was stinking up the place we changed it regularly and use baking soda on it then i started investing in those liquid air fresheners that you plug into electrical outlets it kind of improved but not really anyway one day we have his room a deep clean thinking that the cats must have peed on his carpet as we were moving his bunk beds the leg got hung up on the heat register so i bent down to unhook it then i caught a glimpse of what was in the heat register it looked like a bunch of toilet paper had been shoved in there so i started pulling it out omg so much tp so much peace smell apparently the kids went through a goosebumps phase and my son was too scared to use the bathroom at night so he peed down his register ugh his room still smells but at least the whole house doesn't ugh when our older daughter was three and her younger sister was one she would empty out a toy bin steal the younger one's pacifier turn the bin upside down over the younger one and then either sit on top of it or pile stuff on top to keep her trapped there it took us many tries to get her to stop doing that when they got older she always looked out for her younger sister but i half expected her to terrorize her for their entire lives my daughter was fascinated with nipples when she was about three or four a friend of mine was hanging on the couch and she had on a bra that was just a thin fabric and you could clearly see the full nip definition my daughter casually made her way into her lap and proceeded to tweak away while in her creepiest voice said niaiplus we pee ourselves son of a bee i always miss threads that pertain to something i can actually comment with this literally just happened today i was sitting in the living room watching cartoon network my two-year-old was awfully quiet which is never a good sign i get up to go look for her and she's gathered up all of her stuffed animals taken them into her closet and closed herself in with them she had sat them in a half circle around her when i opened the closet door she looked up at me and said no then closed the door my daughter was hosting a stuffed animal illuminati meeting dang they recruited her young not a parent yet but when i was a kid i would steal my mom's personal massager and put it on my nose to make me sniffle and cry and it used that to get out of going to school once i grew up and found out what it actually was i about died especially since my parents didn't stop me from doing it my autistic stepson at age 4 painted his entire room purple by entire room i mean everything walls floor bed tv everything he was very thorough the first thing he did after it was all sorted was empty toothpaste all over the bedroom floor he is 14 now and still does stuff like this he colored in his window with a biro last week oh and he thinks putting a fork in a toaster before it pops is okay but after is bad my kids used to bathe together six and four and i was walking in to check on them when i caught them with their mouths full of water they are yeah they were spitting water in each other's asses needless to say we have two bath times now my son is a little over a year and a half as soon as his diaper comes off he starts playing with his baby dong by playing i mean mashing punching and yanking on it's pretty normal for babies but affects a man's psyche to see huh so i guess i should tell this story about my sister that my dad loves to tell from when she was about four one morning she goes upstairs and wakes him up early in the morning and says daddy can you turn on the sink he responds one minute why do you need the sink turned on i need to wash off my feet why do you need to wash off your feet to get the peanut butter off all right i'll be right down she leaves the room and a second later he realizes wait what my sister had taken all of the yogurt butter sour cream cream cheese peanut butter etc and covered every inch of the tile in the kitchen floor so that she could go ice skating son here when i was about four years old my mom walked into me pee all over the clothes in her closet she then told me not to ever do that again and i told her not to make me mad again if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video so bye for now

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 16,300

Rating: 4.8747697 out of 5

Keywords: caught, caught in the act, parents, parents stories, parenting, parenting tips, parenting hacks, parenting teenagers, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub

Id: cYeYwv4KBYM

Length: 23min 47sec (1427 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 02 2020