Parents, What Do You Know About Your Kids That They Don't Think You Do? (AskReddit)

parents what do you know about your kids that they don't think you know I tell my kids stories every night at bedtime when I'm out of town I record them and send them across so they can listen in their beds being spoiled they each have an iPad they used to listen to them being pretty yawn they somehow don't realize I know how to use an iPad better than them they each have the same recorder app I used to record the clips so they can play them back and they think I'll never find the other stuff they record in there being awesomely sweet kids they have recorded a series of their own stories on the down-low for me to listen to at some point I don't know when they started doing it but it's crazy cute I just started listening to what looked like a random clip the other day when I heard them conspiring on the tape to keep it a secret I stopped to that point my wife claims to know nothing about it it may be a Christmas present or something either way I'll be happy one day when they surprised me with their stories not a parent but I wrote a note when I was 12 or so saying some random [ __ ] to my family I love you I still resent you for eating my cake etc and a telling what needed to be done in case I died I wrote it as a kind of last will and testament just in case I was suddenly hit by a car or something hell knows what I was thinking just after I wrote to dad spontaneously treated me to a nice day out complete with fancy dinner and presents I reckon he found it and thought it was some kind of suicide notes I know how many times he has had parties while I have been out almost all my neighbors are military veterans who have a pretty sharp eye for cars that don't belong on our street I know how hurt he was to lose his first girlfriend I know where his pot stashes are I know he has developed a taste for whiskey despite his efforts to be flat and aloof I know him to be a great empathy and deep introspection and the most deeply personal one during an argument I have made a comment in ones that I know he has seen my own character flaws and that I'm no longer the hero I was in his boyhood later that night I overheard him tell my girlfriend that wasn't entirely true I saved a letter I found in the trash can that my daughter had written she was a mad about something I didn't let her do and in the letter she called me a dick and a punk [ __ ] and some other stuff she was probably 12 or 13 at the time so the [ __ ] was hilarious I've been hanging on to it for a while to wait on the right time to bring it back out maybe when she goes to college or something that the reason we had to fork out over 3k in repairs on our truck was because my oldest took it mudding when he was 16 wet suppiy sloppy mud and it [ __ ] up the drive shaft and other things he has no idea Rhino but his partner in crime stat told me this wasn't an old truck either dinged the paint job - he's 26 now and I'm saving the reveal for when I'm old and he wants to put me in a home law one of my friends in high school loved to party but had insanely strict parents strict to the point that she wasn't allowed to have sleepovers and the latest curfew she ever got was 11 o'clock everyone always used to think this was unfair cause her older brother had a late curfew could sleep at anyone's house casually and even would joke about how bad his fake it was with his parents anyways whenever we partied she would play hopscotch with the line between blacking out and browning out every time we would drop her off at her house usually at 10:30 pointer to the door and watch her stumble in thinking the whole time well she's done for without fail we would always get a text the next morning along the lines of thanks for dropping me off my parents didn't even notice the summer before I went to college we were telling stories around a fire and she and her brother were there someone brought up how it was a miracle that she had never gotten caught and her brother started cracking up we all asked him what was so funny and he said that every weekend she would stumble into the living room at 10:30 try to have a conversation with their parents but mutter absolute gibberish and then stumble into bed no one in the family ever said anything to her because they thought it was better that she assumed they were strict and they wanted to know what she was getting up to surfed with her dad a few times and rather than being strict he's one of the mellowest dads I've ever met TL DR my friend thought she could sober up in an instant because her parents never said anything about her being drunk the next morning they knew the whole time and went with it so they could know what she was up to when I was 16 I used to sneak out of my house at night to enjoy the thrills of underage drinking and hang out with my secret boyfriend and such I kept a stool in the bushes under my window to help me get back inside my room after each outing one night I got back and the stool was just gone a mystery I had to have the boyfriend come back and hoist me into my room the next morning my dad gave me some side-eye and asked did you sleep well last night then proceeded to make me do yard work all day my 14 year old seems to have developed an interest in storing his spent seed the second drawer from the bottom in his chest of drawers is about a quarter filled with mini ziplocs have come just obscene amounts of teenage semen since I end up doing most of his laundry I surprised he didn't imagine I find it he made a cursory effort to hide it in a bag in the corner of the drawer but as you know gym shorts always lead to truth in the end quite frankly I have no desire to engage him on the subject as long as he remains healthy and productive in this area of his life I'm alright letting him be so in this one I have a story about my mom I'm a vocalist when I was kid everyone in my family knew I liked to sing a lot except I was awful when I was a kid I thought I was slick keeping my voice down and singing that follow me song from Sonic Adventure under my breath my mom heard me every time and one Christmas she let me know this woman spent $400 on me that year to get me a good microphone electronic keyboard and an amplifier I was in tears when I saw it all because I had no idea she knew I wanted to sing she then for my birthday got me vocal lessons probably because I sang like garbage before hand my dad was a deadbeat but my mother was a saint : closed bracket I know my 20 year old daughter runs a successful blog writing smutty fanfiction I know she also wants his sterilization as she doesn't want kids I know my 24 year old son sometimes hopes on his motorbike without leathers against our strong advice I know my 18 year old daughter is being cheated on by her posed boyfriend but she won't leave him so will support her when she needs it I know my 13 year old daughters dream of being a game developer will never come to fruition but we are going to help her aim for achieving it however we can I think I know my kids far too well in case you're wondering youngest daughter is autistic with various medical issues so we don't even know whether she'll ever be capable of having a job at the moment not a parent but when I was in elementary school I used to be obsessed with jungle gyms so most of the time when lunchtime came I would down my whole bottle of Sunny D throw out the food from my thermos and rushed to get to the monkey bars as fast as I could on these days when I would come home our canvas would usually be like this mom why didn't you eat your lunch today me I did what are you sure you wouldn't lie to me right me mom I'm tired stop asking me so many questions mom you know how much I trust you right your word means a lot sweetie may I now a three hours later me confesses everything mom thank you for being honest with me and this would only happen on the days I actually didn't eat my lunch I was so paranoid she had teachers keeping an eye out for me or like some how would come to campus to watch me at lunch I never knew how she did it fast-forward to my college graduation and somehow this came up how my mom knows everything and I asked her the secret behind how she knew when I would eat my lunch or not and she was like oh you never knew I mean you would come home with an empty thermos and a sparkly clean unter shade spoon me asterisk FAC EPAM asterisk all that time I thought my mom was some kind of CIA agent I also learned fats why she would pack me that Sunny D in my lung even though it was so much sugar because she knew it was the only thing I would actually consume and she rather have me put something in my belly than just starve all day my parents are too clever for me close bracket my parents would find things in my room and always put it on my pillow got really awkward when it started being my vibrator or empty packs of smokes we still haven't talked about it which made it even worse at the time because I knew that they knew but it was unspoken and the tension made it almost difficult to talk to them normally afterwards when I was a teenager I had a very softcore VHS porn collection that I thought was well hidden one day in a fit of guilt I dumped the whole thing an hour outside trashcan I took the trash out later and realized my bag of tapes was gone sure enough my 12 yo little bro had removed it from the tota and we hidden it in his room I felt really guilty like I had corrupted him when he was out the next day I left a post-it note with the words I know on top of the stash in his drawer it was gone that night one of the mothers at my brother's school who had first suspected her daughter was a lesbian when she was 14 was reduced to saying to her when she was in her twenties oh I don't know why parents get so upset when their children tell them they are gay it's not like it's a big deal all would change anything she did eventually tell her and mums response was don't think this gets out of giving me grandchildren her brother was severely physically life-threatening disabled so it is possible the girl was worried having another minority child to worry about would be too much for her or it never seemed the right moment to give her mother such a shock after my girlfriend cheated on me we decided to take a break from each other we are both hoping to get back together when she's a little more stable I know don't start with me I was told that I should say nothing to my parents about cheating or her being with someone else because they are much less likely to forgive than I am when I told my parents that we are officially on indefinite hiatus the almost immediate response was well what will you do if she dates someone then I can't be certain that I can only assume that they overheard a phone call or two so there something my parents might know and might not think that I know but I might know that they might know I think she's completely made-up getting pregnant a date and giving birth to twins at age nine at first it was a boy and a girl now it's two girls she supposedly carried twins to term and gave birth completely unaided with no one ever noticing she was pregnant including the man that sexually abused her for most of her life one died and was buried in the woods and she gave the other to her friend also nine she's never said any of this to me that she's told her therapist friends and teachers her proof is a few new purple stretch marks on her hips she's now 13 from her body changes from puberty she states her first menstrual period was the Christmas she turned 11 she has a bad working memory so her stories always change she's had a lot of trauma so apparently she started to make up elaborate stories to regain control this summer she's currently our foster daughter but we have had her since she was 11 and hope to adopt her in the spring needless to say we have to pick our battles with her we are really working on trust and critical thinking skills if nothing else hopefully she'll grow out of this or at least be able to make up more consistent and logical stories my 9 year old stepson is ridiculously smart but gay I saw him kissing her boy and told my wife about it but she asked him and he said it wasn't true the kid was just whispering in his ear but [ __ ] that I know what I saw and I don't give a [ __ ] be as gay as you want to be this world is cold and fucked-up and as long as you live in my house you will have no worries I'm a huge Harry Potter fan in my oldest pretends to love Harry Potter he's 10 he and his friend made up a secret code language that I found the key for and I read a note from his friend that said I don't know why you don't like Harry Potter and I don't think I ever will your friend inevitable I'm a kid but message senior NHS my mother just walked into my room and asked me if I was lying to her about everything me being one who lies about a lot of things anxiety sexuality internet friends including best friend I met in real life four times I'm so scared about what she knows and this thread is not helping my 11 yo likes to roleplay as animals or characters from hey books on this chat program no big deal most recently I found smut that hey and a friend have written rollin playing as two guys from their favorite show also one of my favorite shows it kind of ruins it for me kids are curious and as long as she's not actually sexting online I'm going to let her figure out what she likes on her own and regardless of what story she's telling she's a damn good writer too for an eleven-year-old using words correctly in sentences words that even I had to look the meaning up for not just in the smart but in her other stories she doesn't know I know because I told her I wouldn't invade her privacy but I do it to check on her and make sure she's not being taken advantage of not to control her that mildest is jealous of my middle kid my middle kid is kind of a natural beauty it's not that my oldest isn't beautiful but people remark on my middle daughter more I saw it written in her journal that she was jealous I saw it by accident cleaning up so I just try to make sure she knows she is beautiful too but that it also isn't everything a beautiful heart is far more important when I was a kid I always faked sick to skip school so I could stay home and play die a blow to best game ever bTW my mom would always give him and her one condition would be that I give her my PC thar my PC was the same as my brothers old one I would give her my brothers old tower and hide mine under the bed or something until she left for work played Diablo 2 all day until she got home and then got back into bed I was also an idiot and would use her CR I was eight in the 8th as we walked 3/4 mile to school there was a park about halfway between our house and school as long as we were home for dinner or called to say we were eating at her friend's no one cared what we did after school there was a divot in the park that someone filled up to be a rice rink in the winter we weren't allowed on it until the dad said it was ok and there was always a hell to pay date in the spring I being a dumb eight-year-old ignored the spring warning and fell hip deep into the pond my friends hold me out and we booked it my BFF s house who had a working mom we all dry up swap teams and call home that we are playing and eating dinner at her house the group of us make a pact to swear never to tell anyone about it no consequences were ever enacted so we figured we were good fast forward 25 years my dad's dying of cancer and we are hanging out remembering the past I know what happened at the park I didn't tell your mom I miss him when I was like five or six my dad used to read to me every night one night I had candy down at the foot of my bed so I could secretly eat it in the middle of storytime I told my dad to wait and thinking I was all slick I went down under the covers to eat some chocolate apparently I came back with melted chocolate smeared all over my face I don't think I'd ever heard him laugh that hard before my 13 year old daughter has a Kindle account on crest card she sticks to her budget but doesn't now I get the Emerald receipts of what she buys in public she has very cool taste but in the middle of the night she secretly binges on backquote hello kitty she would be mortified if she found out I know

Channel: ToadFilms

Views: 492,990

Rating: 4.8992376 out of 5

Keywords: parents, what do you know about your kids, know about your kids, they don't think you do, kids, parents of reddit, kid, stories, reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, ToadFilms, pewdiepie

Id: K13xkR3DsBU

Length: 17min 9sec (1029 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 02 2019