Parents Of Bullies, How Do You Feel About Your Child? (AskReddit)

parents of bullies when did you realize your child was a bully and how did you react my son was a bully first grade i started getting noticed from his teacher that he was throwing sand at girls and stabbing people with a pencil i talked to him and he had crazy first-grade reasons like she was being mean first i told him it's not cool and to knock it off every teacher meeting i would tell them to let me know and i'll punish him second grade i meet the teacher i warn her that i think he's a bullying to watch him same [ __ ] starts happening but now he's being mean to specific people anyone that can't run fast etc i'm thinking to myself i can't watch him all the time what do i do at home i start punish him but it doesn't really do anything all teacher conferences main agenda is bullying third grade i meet the teacher and warn her we have a bully on our hands same crap happens i'm reading a book on the subject and i read a passage that says if you call a kid a bully he lives up to the role let the experiment begin from that day i stopped calling him a bully and started saying things like you're going to help your teacher today right you are a good boy make me proud by being a helper almost night and day the call stopped the next teacher conference the teacher said how helpful he was hesitate the great now no bully calls i make him do volunteer work weekly just in case he still does crazy crap like attacking kids that are mean to girls but no bullying i don't know if i caught it in time or if my kid just needed coaching but it worked recently because i'm working from home and so get to here albeit distractedly the discourse between my two youngest sons my ears perked when i heard the oldest one's voice drop and the other react with a sudden whale then the older one cool as a cucumber affected as hell say hey are you okay little buddy while the other one continued to cry i strode into the little one's bedroom in time to see the older one towering over the younger one staring at him menacingly but he saw me from the corner of his eye and continued with the fake tone mom something's wrong with that chair he was sitting in it and it just like flipped over i just could not believe how he could believe that i would buy that and his tone was just fake it gave me chills i had never seen that side of him before he's 13 btw edit crap now everyone thinks i'm a a horrible parent which fair and b my kid's a psycho or a sociopath i fear i may have commented on something i really had no business commenting on because of the one-off behavior maximum exhibited but post i did and so to answer some of your questions no i did not beat that ass i asked maximum how the chair had tipped over and he said he didn't know it just had i asked him to demonstrate and he got on the chair and jason the younger one immediately kicked it out from under him bam are you okay bro jason asked in just as affected a toner's maximum had cue the angry scrabbling going for each other etc i managed to pry them apart and sent maximum to his room and told jess to stay in his kept my ears perked the rest of the afternoon for trouble when i finished my work i asked maximum to come to the study so we could talk and almost as if he knew i was fishing for info he offered it up i only did that because he was being such a jerk about winning the game he's always playing it of course he got better than me had to take him down a notch literally he laughed i took away his cell phone and jason's game also to everyone who had to deal with a sibling who was legit abusive i'm sorry for the pain you endured i had one of those a wild crazed sister who liked to dig her talons into my face luckily i never scarred physically that is anyway i hope you guys are in a better place now i'll keep an eye on maximum and jason and hope to be a better parent and more judicious poster since obviously my comment didn't really meet the criteria given more context during this lockdown i have been tasked with raising my nephews in the absence of my bill and sister as they are both doctors and we are following strict guidelines to remain separate my eldest nephew had been bullying his younger brother and some kids over the internet he was generally being a dick i immediately realized that he was a bully but also hurting but i didn't give him any excuses for his bad behavior i made sure to be vocal and reprimand him every time he was crossing the line or being even vaguely inappropriate towards his brother we started to have regular conversations on where his sour attitude was coming from and at first it just seemed like he was born to be an [ __ ] but i persisted after a while he opened up to me and he started to feel like he was being heard and was then able to explain to me that he felt like he was a disappointment to our family as we are all fairly academic and successful in our professional lives and he was worried since he isn't so academically inclined he was also insecure about his sexuality because his voice was still childlike and not like his friend slash little brother so he thought that made him gay we obviously tapped into slash worked on that homophobic thought and was therefore being overly aggressive in macho he felt like he was the ugly dumb older brother who could never do right compared to his younger brother he also felt insecure about his lack of hair growth both facial and down below i can honestly say that in the past few months he has been with me he has drastically changed because i took the time to listen and give him all the love i had for him i apologized for not making him feel more loved not showing him how much i loved him and how important he was to me and his parents we had a family zoom chat with his parents and discussed all his frustrations and upsets with his parents siblings and even me we all agreed to praise him more and to view his achievements with enthusiasm and pride it deserved we assured him that he will never ever be compared to anyone else again honestly in a few months he went from being this annoying always bad ass kid to the kid i always knew he was deep down he now is helpful kind and very fun to be around he has stopped bullying his brother they not only get along but have started to be like friends and we issue letters of apologies to the kids he was bullying initially he wanted to text them but i persuaded him to reconsider all the kids were gracious enough to accept his written apologies sometimes kids need to be reminded loudly and often how loved and wanted they are several answers here are along the lines of one of the things that makes a bully is lack of attention my parents love me more than life itself and yet i was still a bully in my elementary years i couldn't tell you why exactly other than just saying back quote autism which is no excuse my parents did not allow the teachers to use that as an excuse and made sure i was appropriately punished and i'm so grateful for that anyway most autistic children have the one thing they obsess over for me it was garfield the cat every phone call from the principal one garfield thing was taken away and it broke my parents hearts but it worked my nephew's a bully i saw it coming though my sister's non-existent in his life he and my brother-in-law are separated from my sister honestly she's a piece of work most of the family has turned their backs on her because she compulsively lies and treats everyone like they're not good enough she slapped me in the face during thanksgiving because i stepped out to speak to my then girlfriend who was in a pisch facility after threatening to kill herself she said i was being selfish and needed to spend time with the family not on my phone naturally my nephew picked up on this behavior while she still at least tried to act like a mother recently found out he punched a kid in the face and broke his nose it's awful to hear about because the whole family is super supportive of my brother-in-law and we know my nephew has some developmental issues because he was born about two months early and had to be incubated anyways he's six or seven now and starting to show these pretty serious signs anger i haven't been in the area where i moved almost a state away for work though and haven't been able to be part of my nephew's life in a while which is a bummer i just hope my brother-in-law is managing not a bully but i know i got one of my old bullets hard when on suggestion from one of my cousins to invite said bullies to my birthday party seven total only one showed and proceeded to introduce the kid as the [ __ ] who beats me up every day even called him that in front of his mom i know at some point the kid's mom had a discussion with my mom i'll ask if she remembers how it went and after about 20 minutes they up and left never had a issue with him afterwards update talked to mom she doesn't remember the exact words that were used but the conversation was basically bulla's mom saying i was being rude to my guest and was using foul language i shouldn't use to which my mom proceeded to tell her all the crap this kid and his little circle of goons did to me my mom was actually going to pull me aside and show the lady the bruises i had on me from him and the other bullies when she decided to leave not my story but my mom's friend's mother a friend of mine became a bully in middle school my mom and her mom were friends when we were kids and girl scouts we played together but went our own way more and more when she started to become mean there was this community event about bullying four girl scouts i think and my mom went to support the organizer and because i'd been bullied for years she wanted to find ways to support me and resolve troop conflicts this friend's mom went and my mom saw her she since left the troop and it had been a few years and was surprised asked her if her daughter had been bullied too she responded no my daughter's become a bully and i'm embarrassed i want to understand why she's doing this and try to teach her how much she's hurting others my mom was really really impressed because this woman prior to this conversation was kind but rather aloof and ignored a lot of the previous young girls picking on each other in girl scouts clubs passing it off as just normal kid issues it was almost like she'd finally flick the switch and realized that her daughter's behavior had been progressively getting worse over the years and she as a mom had just ignored it until it got to a very serious point i'm not sure what came if it but from other people who went to high school with her she apparently became less of a true bully and started to act more kindly i always wondered how those conversations went my daughter i figured it out after i took her phone and read her online post in some of the communications on her phone ever seen the movie mean girls my kid put all of the characters to shame with her vindictive cattiness had she not been my kid i would have sent her down the road to as highly toxic none of my other kids act in that manner and all of us have open communications we are not the religious cellar types and are very open to all people included sex and sexuality when watching the video she made on her phone i saw that she would draw dicks on her sister when the sister was sleeping she get girls to fight with their boyfriends she would intentionally do [ __ ] to try to break the wife and die up she paid another underage girl to coerce me into having sex and then physically kicked the girl's ass because i didn't go for it she recorded herself causing bruises on herself so she could say a parent was beating her up she intentional start fights and create dram within her own peers groups she lost all the friends she had in middle school because of her antics i took her phone away cut the internet and had the police issue trespass notices to all of her friends to prevent them from coming to the house i also removed the door to her room to prevent the sexual escapades i not 100 convinced it was all consensual everything has been reported to proper authorities in return she threatened suicide and secretly called the cops we took her to the hospital for the suicide threat the placed her in a 72-hour confinement for mental health she used the hospital phone to call a friend and have a friend in california make allegations to the police it was a full-on drama meltdown the daughter is still a bully in toxic there not much we can do we can't get her to go to counselling on a committed basis and she not willing to change herself she might have a mental illness i'm not qualified to say we can only mitigate and try to limit what damage and drama she can do we shield the other kids away from her and try to be a happy as we can as far a parental relationship there isn't one we have a regressive drama queen that we legally responsible for and kind of panda not a parent but i live next door to my younger sister's bully we were constantly going over there to tell the mother hey your kid hit my sister today or hey your kid bit my sister and the girls were about nine tenths so she knew better the mother tonight that her precious sperm pet could do anything like that a few days later the mother and the kid were at school and i was dropping my sister off the bully girl walked up to a random younger kid and sucker punched her in the face about 20 other adults saw instead of disciplining her kid she started yelling at the kid she punched calling this poor nine-year-old a [ __ ] a [ __ ] and a [ __ ] then raised her hand to hit her but when another couple of parents started yelling at her and pushing her away this grown ass 35 year old started crying her eyes out that people were calling her out on her [ __ ] it was a real eye-opener that the kids probably pick up their absolute behavior from somewhere as it turns out the mother was a complete psycho and regularly lost and gained custody of her kids because cof her behavior she goes through boyfriends like they are going out of fashion hit one of them around the head with a rolling pin and cause [ __ ] wherever they go the definition of a karen and upon knowing who the mother's parents are it's a family thing for sure not until he started fifth grade he was super close to his grandpa wife's dad and when he died it destroyed him and his behavior changed few weeks after the funeral this kid's mom called my wife saying things my kid was saying and doing not the school mind you we had a parent teacher conference days before she called teacher didn't say a word we talked to him your first reaction is to protect your kid and not accept it but we can tell by the way he was reacting to the discussion we arranged to play that of sorts we monitor it now he talks to a therapist to has a good kid just makes terrible decisions as a father of four we've been on the other end of it as well and usually if the kids and us also is one or both of the parents the apple doesn't fall far from the tree at times not a parent nor a sister but we take care of our girl relative as often as we can she has her own family we are just close she's eight now and started bullying when she started school because she thinks she's dominant underlying reasons are mainly rooted in the household and environment how she's being treated mostly by adults how people react to her actions how she's being reprimanded methods and how often she's disciplined who she's surrounded by etc still hard to fix right now but best method keep calm and explain to the child cause effect consequences the feelings and situation of the victim etc remember that you're dealing with a kid don't just scold them and expect them to see at your level of maturity and understanding explain talk it out their stubbornness will get in the way but stay firm and ease your way into their trust and comfort child psychology learn it she's not intentionally bad just that her jokes come off as sarcasm at such a young age to the point of insult sometimes we found out from her teachers and classmates problem her household doesn't see this as an issue to address and actually celebrates her cleverness but even when they do their way of discipline obviously apparently doesn't work [Music] [Music] [Music] you

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Id: Z0uY-RfMXbs

Length: 17min 23sec (1043 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 10 2020