Parents Share NSFW Awkward Stages Their Child Went Through (r/AskReddit | Reddit Stories)

nsfw parents of reddit what phases did your child go through that was awkward for you my younger sister was known to say me how to literally any asian person she walked by when the shoney how kyle anne was a thing i'm a white american that just got back from a vacation to china plenty of total strangers went out of their way to shout or come over and say hello with a huge smile finally they had a chance to use the word and it was so exciting like just passing on the escalator hello my son went through a phase when he pretended he was his own imaginary friend he followed himself everywhere sometimes they fought he lost himself in a store one day and ran up and down the aisle screaming his own name my son was a strange kid he lost himself in a store deep my mom once told me i went through a breaking glass and light bulbs and placing them and kitchen knives under my bed face i would be terrified my three-year-old just finished the my daddy has a penis do you have a penis stage it's great fun do you my little brother went through the lovely phase where he just tried to touch everyone's genitals all the time his siblings parents friends relatives god it was so painful i mean literally he wasn't a gentle little toddler i call it the aggressively enthusiastic genital poking phase my daughter always points and laughs at bald people she is five and has been doing it for three years now so not really a phase we've gone over so many times how it's impolite and hurts feelings but to her a bald person is like the most amazing thing that she has to scream out to the world that this guy is bald just be glad god didn't decide to punish her by having a bear eat her shave her head and learn teach fck i'm stupid her a lesson i'm a nanny and the two-year-old i watch just met the easter bunny for the first time this year now without warning in the middle of conversations he will look behind me and say easter bunny going to get you every time i'm afraid to turn around when my younger brother was a toddler my parents would wheel his push chair around apartment stores where he'd greet random women with the phrase nice lady full stop my parents said he had remarkably good taste in women for someone his age my daughter was the opposite she would say sooooo pretty to remarkably ugly women and then she would pat their hair it was so embarrassing she grew up to be incredibly sarcastic but i hate to think she was practicing sarcasm when she was a toddler i don't know if you've seen milo and otis but there's a fairly graphic scene where they show a cat and a dog giving birth my brother didn't remember this scene and watched the movie recently with his four-year-old no matter how many times they've explained the scene to her she insists on telling everyone that dogs and cats eat babies poop them out and then lick off the poop and i mean everyone family friends her doctor cashiers i think she might have been scarred the one where my two-year-old child said damn it a lot because i said it in front of him once debit was how it sounded when he did it this lasted a good month debit that must have been annoying i'm the child here but i'm sure this made my dad very awkward and uncomfortable i don't know how much you guys remember about the fairly odd parents but there was one character who always said do you think i'm ssi me being mate i had no idea what that really meant so i would constantly go up to my dad and say do you think i messes i the funny tone the character would speak it in got i cringe so much thinking about that wonders emo my nephew is going through a jagallo phase and i've never wanted to murder my own family more in my life ask him about magnets oh god redacted telling everyone everything including standing up at school and saying mommy and daddy had a fight and he gave her a concussion in the most technical sense it was true but not the stuff of cops my son is four and he has been in the infatuated by his junk stage i try to approach the situation delicately because he shouldn't be ashamed of his body so i don't want to be like that's bad but it's difficult because he'll be like mommy look i'm still infatuated with my junk i'm going to answer for my sister since she doesn't know about rudit when my niece started talking we were all amazed at how loud and shrill her voice was until she learned the word clock and she would shout [ __ ] when my son says bridget sounds like [ __ ] look at that [ __ ] my three-year-old son went through a phase where he insisted on wearing hearing protector earmuffs all day long and refused to answer to any name other than spatterboy number three sister here but awkward for the whole family my little brother never did it at my mother's house but whenever we were at my dad's whenever he went to the bathroom he would stay there screaming at the top of his lungs died come wipe my bum from the ages of 4-8 he knew how to do it but he just wouldn't leave the bathroom unless dad went up and dad tried leaving him there and not answering many many times but he just sat in there for hours dad i've been up here for 20 years come wipe my fck bum i had one phase that was probably really embarrassed for my parents this phase was about when i was five and is simply known as the refusal to sht phase i'm not sure how the refusal to sht phase came to be but i refused to take ashti this resulted in an ungodly amount of constipation that my mom had to send me to the doctor for in order to get me to sht she would let me run around naked in our backyard and just hope one popped out this phase went on for so long that my mom would make me tell her that i took a sh t i remember one time going up to my mom in a crowded restaurant and saying mommy i pooped do you want to see i was a strange child edit whoa this is a surprisingly common issue not apparent but when i was a little kid i really wanted fish and a fish tank so i pretended to feed my imaginary carpet creatures by shaking my water bottle and dripping it onto the floor needless to say despite the floor being very well taken care of and watered on a nightly basis my parents didn't take so kindly to it and finally gave in and bought me some actual fish my own kid is 17 now and i'd have to say her emo phase when she was about 12. not my kid but my three-year-old niece really really likes clothes if you take her in a store with you you're risking her saying in a loud three-year-old voice oh i do not like that lady's shirt dress shoes it's ugly on the plus side she often compliments people's clothes but you just never know when a simple trip to get apple juice is going to end with offending some innocent bystander in the store when i was a young boy i was fascinated with knives and swords and stuff and my mom would never let me have any no pocket knives or anything and one day i found a thing full of knives and i took them all and hid them in my room i think she thought i wanted to kill someone the fact that i duct taped one to the end of a baseball bat to make a spear didn't help anything either not a parent but my little brother went through some phases that were awkward for everyone these included needing to be fully naked with the door open to take a sh t refusing to learn how to wipe but the funniest was his tucking clothes into his butt face he'd go to the beach and he'd tuck the back of his swimmers between his cheeks so it looked like he was wearing a g string he'd have a football game and he'd pull his pants up as high as they go and tuck them into his butt and play the game like that even just regular shorts he'd attempt to give himself a nice deep wedgie he doesn't remember ever doing this but the shame and embarrassment will never leave the rest of my family edit highest rated comment is about my little brother's weird butt stuff hahaha my brother when he was being potty trained always watched everyone go to the bathroom if he watches people he will get better my seven-year-old likes to make up new words and use them in random sentences to people his newest word is fab i went through a phase where i talk like a baby and hissed at things i was eight i am pretty sure that must have been awkward for them my sister went through a phase where she kept constantly breaking bones and getting bruised and falling off of play equipment and i'm fairly sure the emergency room staff who we eventually got to know quite well when i went through my own hospitalization phase thought my parents had a hand in it she was just a really adventurous kid not my kid but a young relative of mine is in the phase of dressing like a bum playing his guitar on the street and jumping on freight trains some kind of hipster nomad thing i guess great depression cosplayer not a phase but something very embarrassing for my parents growing up in a town of less than 5000 people with a father who was a prominent public figure in the community anything that happened in school usually got back to him we were learning how to type in computer class and were instructed to type something about our families my dad has done copenhagen for as long as i can remember when i asked about it as a kid they would always tell me it was drugs and to never ever do it so for that particular assignment i typed my dad does drugs over and over and over my cousins used to call our grandfather pimp or which was fine until they started shorting it nothing more embarrassing than meeting them at the airport and having them grate him with you pimp from across the terminal i went through a phase where i like to sniff people's seats as soon as they got up i was under five years old at 10. i refused to bathe or wear deodorant i had an elaborate plan to trick my mom into thinking i showered and it would have been easier to actually shower the angry teenager phase my oldest has been going through it for a while he doesn't have an anger issue he just gets annoyed easily and stays angry unfortunately he learned it from his dad are you his dad because you seem like an angry manx when my son turned four he suddenly became fascinated with women's legs he would tell them i like your wigs i really like your legs he would do this to strangers in public loudly he's six now and has become a bit more discreet now he just nudges me and says dad look at her legs little perv i love him my brother went through a boob obsession stage at age four he even asked my grandma one time grandma can i see yous boobies when i was a kid i would somersault around our one story house even where there was tile some assaulted over that like a pro my parents were concerned i saw it as fun i would only respond to the name batman for about four months when i was six at home and school there were meetings child here in eighth grade i went through a phase where i wanted to be jewish i checked out hundreds of books on judaism from our library and talked a lot with our jewish neighbors i was incredibly serious about converting and being jewish i'm in my 20s now and it's still a running joke with my friends back home remember that one time you wanted to be jewish my parents aren't exactly religious themselves so i'm sure they thought wtf is this girl doing but they were supportive of me the phase ended shortly after i started the ninth grade short-lived my son just turned three years old last month and has started this phase where he has to get my wife's attention in public places and declare to her loudly that his pp is big now he won't tell me but he makes damn sure my wife knows she hates but i can't help but laugh he's six mildly autistic and his filter is non-existent so my son will point out things about people that he finds interesting like having a weave missing limbs or being so fat you need a scooter in his mind these people are awesome because they are different i have to explain to him that missing an arm isn't fun that guy's life is really hard and he shouldn't point out how people look it's not polite god damn off topic but my heart still hurts remembering explaining the guy missing his arm and his guileless face just sinking as he thought about that dude and how he might have hurt his feelings fck my two-year-old went through a painting with pulp faze that lasted four months we had to safety pin his onysi's clothes if we had to leave him alone for more than a minute he waited till we were out of the room and bam covered everything he could reach in poop oh and i'm pregnant when this phase started i had the worst morning sickness and nausea and bad smells triggered me i think he finally passed that stage though i'm not a parent but when i was smaller i couldn't pronounce my c's any word that started with the letter c was replaced with a t so naturally i spot a cat out in the backyard and proceed to ask my dad if he likes titties he chuckles and responds with yes son i do like titties not a phase a just one incident i watched a lot of stand-up comedy and at 16. i was getting into some of the edgier read kind of racist comics i thought it would be a good idea to try out my own brand of this humor at the christmas dinner table i made a pretty racially insensitive comment to my aunt about the fact that some of her students are african-american needless to say nobody found it funny and while my parents said nothing i basically realized that i was being a colossal f king jackass i am pretty sure they don't remember that or at least i hope they don't but i certainly do i have forgiven myself for the stupid things i did when i was young but at the time of this incident i was an otherwise mostly mature young adult my son aged four wanted to know what a certain bit of his body was called so i explained about testicles i'm a mum his dad was deployed at the time my son was so delighted with this new bit of knowledge that he made up a testicle song and sang it loudly all the time everywhere for those who want to sing along at home it bore quite some resemblance to bicycle race by queen t.s dickel t.s dickle my daughters both coloured their hair random colors and my oldest went through a facial piercing stage but i figured if that was the worst they were doing i wasn't gonna pitch a fit both had excellent grades my oldest graduated high school with a three 8 gpa and went straight to college sadly she and her boyfriend were both killed by a drunk driver 10 months ago my youngest is still trying to bounce back from losing her best friend sadly she hasn't dyed her hair anymore this my friends is why i explicitly adopt the choose your battles method of parenting your child's hair will grow out pissings heal phases come and go but at the end of it all you still have a child to hold tight you did it right opie unlike your child's hair your love and memories will never fade i went to catholic school growing up for some reason i got really interested in crucifixion so i would steal nails and a hammer from my garage and crucify all my toys onto my fence and random trees i was a crazy little every time the house phone rang i would pick it up and say wallace and gromit's window cleaning service may we be of assistance my seven-year-old son is now in the boobs a fascinating phase he wants to go around asking women if he can touch their boobs to see if they're like the other ones he's touched touching the boobs on the mannequins yelling at the top of his lungs in the store dad check these ones out they're hard and pointy seems very scientific to be honest i've been in that phase going on 32 years now it never ends not a parent but as a small child i would do headstands on railings all the time my mom figured out that if she let me do them i would get bored and come down eventually but if she tried to stop me i would get startled and full i'm pretty sure that i dropped myself on my head as a child when i was like seven my mom had these two friends that were a lesbian couple and they shared a house and stuff and i didn't know what lesbian meant and i thought that it was just being grown up and sharing a house with your best friend and i thought that is the coolest thing ever so i told my mum that me and my best friend were lesbians and she was chill with it but i would tell every adult that mum stopped to chat with when she would be like this is my daughter and her friend i'd be like we're lesbians i soon discovered what lesbians actually meant and although i turned out to be heterozool currently watching my dad suffer through my brother's britney face he's young but not that young he's a sweet kid but there's a whole lot of cringe going on at my dad's house these days his other hobbies are pretty masculine competition shooting learning to work on his car etc comma but the family is having a hard time wrapping our heads around this britney thing even his younger sister who is the appropriate age to love mlp thinks it's weird i just don't want him to get picked on i went through an awkward phase when i was like two where i would grab our golden retrievers balls i had no idea until my parents showed me photos recently i got over my grabbing balls phase pretty quickly but my dad apparently decided it seemed like a good idea he's getting married to my new stepdad next week my 5 year old who used to eat any and everything in sight suddenly won't eat anything she hates red meat if it has a spot on it oh dear god the world has ended oh and if she doesn't like it or doesn't want to eat she tells everyone who will listen i didn't eat today she'll eat like half a pop-tart for breakfast i pack her lunch for school and she comes home with the entire lunch minus her orange we'll sit at the dinner table for an hour waiting on her to eat and she's just like i'm not hungry the doctor says she's healthy and she'll eat when she's hungry you

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Id: ts-t4R6ExUM

Length: 20min 58sec (1258 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 18 2020