Overcoming Jealousy

oh I got this tough question how do you deal with jealousy not when someone else has it when you have it great question and thank you again for all of you who post questions here on YouTube are on my facebook channel because a lot of these shows are just for you guys answering your questions here we go someone wrote in she said I've been in a long-term relationship found the guy of my dreams but I'm poisoning it because I'm so jealous of him and that jealousy keeps coming in how do I stop feeling that way so that I can have a good positive relationship and I think a lot of people have that that old feeling of jealousy that comes up a lot from when they were younger and so let's talk about three ways to get rid of this feeling number one awareness is always key so you realize that jealousy is just fear dressed up that's it if you have jealousy about another person it's just your fear coming in it's your fear coming in because either two things one their past behavior because they've done something to trigger off the thought well they're gonna cheat on me or two your insecurities and that's the only reasons that you have it period you have it because this person has done something that makes you worry so if that's the case of why you have jealousy that's a sit down honest open conversation saying hey look I'm having a lot of trust issues because something that you did and I have to be honest about it and talk to you about it and you have to be an adult not an accuser not a pointer not a hater you just have to say I'm feeling this way because this happened and I need to process that with you and I need to ask you to change your behavior or I just need your help and understanding what happened because I don't want to feel jealous because I know jealousy will kill our relationship if it's your insecurities you got to realize insecurity that's just coming from some kind of nonsensical trauma that happen in the past or real trauma that happen to pass that keeps coming up for you that makes you feel less than so you feel like they're going to leave you it's fear of loss you feel like I'm not good enough I'm not pretty enough you know I've done things in the past that people maybe didn't approve or there's just something in your psyche that's saying my insecurity is so bad that they're going to leave me that that's my fear and you have to recognize it that's fear because what fear is coming from is a what if statement followed by a negative statement meaning you're saying what if he leaves me and I'm alone for the rest of my life what if he all sudden stops talking to me he goes quiet on me he doesn't love me as much anymore he bails she does this she does that she thinks this whatever it is that's where the jealousy appears from it's a fear of insecurity and that insecurity is saying what if because of who I am or what I've done they leave me and so be aware that's number one you just got to know where is it coming from is it there Ribera behavior or your internal stuff of insecurity and be honest about it and get into it think about it don't avoid it don't be scared be like okay what's really going on here this is a problem it's taking away from my joy for my vibrancy for my connection with this person they probably don't like that you're jealous so you have to be where it's painful it's causing pain and until you deal with one of those two issues their behavior or your insecurities trouble so let's talk about that second one because we can do something about it too the second thing that you can do is to remember your strengths you know if you're coming from place of that fear of inadequacy thinking someone's going to leave you it often comes from a place of you're not giving yourself credit you know you do good things but you don't feel and integrate those in your identity so that you've come a stronger happier healthier adult a lot of people they're actually pretty extraordinary people but they don't feel extraordinary because all those extraordinary things that happen they never integrated someone gives them a compliment they're like yeah yeah whatever and they can't hear it doesn't penetrate into their identity where they start going you know what I'm alright I am good I can be confident now I've achieved enough I've come far enough I've survived enough it's about giving yourself credit and remembering your strengths you come through such difficult things in your life that you're stronger than you know so why is that so important because you know what if they do leave you you'll be fine and this is the hardest thing to believe when you have this fear of jealousy they're gonna leave and I might be wrecked you won't be wrecked you survived a lot in the past someone's probably already left you in your life not to be not to be a blamer or making fun of you it's just true right lots of people have walked out on me lots of people left me I've had lots of breakups in my life that happens and I'm still here I'm still surviving I'm still pretty annoyingly happy dude you can be happy with or without anybody or anything you don't need more wealth you don't need more people you don't need more higher career you don't anything you can choose in this moment to feel grateful and blessed you can choose to focus your attention on things that you appreciate to take in the good again and if you start taking in those good things that you hear about yourself if you start taking in those good wins those small daily actions that you did we hit that goal when you got that project done when you did what you're supposed to do we said something nice and start feeling stronger about yourself you stopped worrying about other people and you can start to say you know what with or without somebody I'm fine because you know what that makes you attractive third big idea to get over your jealousy love on that person more you don't want somebody to leave you be awesome on somebody you know it's true I know I know I know maybe in the past you have you've been awesome someone you gave your heart you were vulnerable you were loving your care and compassion they were you one and only and they cheated on you that happened to me and it broke me at the time I was young though you know at some point with time with perspective you realize you know what if they ran off and they cheat on you they weren't right for you they just weren't but if you're loving on that person and you're giving the odds of them doing that go down right it's when you neglect someone when you Stonewall in someone when you're cold on someone when you're jealous on someone when you're pointing and blaming and being a bastard a Dirk a bastard an [ __ ] or mean to somebody that's when they're more likely to say screw you and walk away but when someone is fulfilled in the relationship because you're giving and you're allowing them to give and you're allowing to meet them where they're up you paying attention to their love language about how they talk how they feel about what they need from you and your fulfilling those needs and you're really giving into the relationship not holding back the odds of them staying are higher right you can't argue against that you could say well I could do all that right and then they leave that's fear go back to step number one okay don't forget that so give more into the relationship don't be afraid to live your life full-on it's easy to walk around and not give our love because one time we got hurt so we build up the walls to keep out the bad guys but we prevent the good guys from coming in never forget that it's in our own self protection that we block out the very things that we want connection love vitality so if you haven't been vulnerable be vulnerable again if you haven't been loving on that person love on if you're not sending flirty fun texts start that again with them start engaging them give them gifts kiss them on the face love them so much that they feel vibrant and loved in the door by you they'll stay around a whole lot longer we know that and you will start to feel love in your heart again and the more that love comes in the more jealousy you can't be there when it's real love and you know what I'm talking about so watch this video again if you're struggling do the homework in your own mind of identifying where's the problem what's the struggle start bringing more strength into your life so you can stand alone be confident be sexy and attractive in your own person no matter what so you can overcome those fears and love on somebody again and you'll start to experience what we call the charge hey my friend its Brendan I hope you enjoyed this episode do me two favors number one subscribe to this channel so that you continue to get updates every time I release new training for you and number two if you would like to get ahead a little faster in life what I'd like to do is give you my 10 steps to achieving anything 10 times faster so if you have a big goal a big dream a big mission in life and you just like to achieve it faster what would you need to do you know this is exactly what I keep next to my computer or next to my bed and then every time I have a big dream a big goal I open it up and I kind of use this as my checklist to get ahead faster because you and I both know if you're going to be more effective or more productive or you are going to achieve your goals and your dreams faster you're gonna have to switch your perspective a little bit on achievement itself you have to adopt new thinking patterns and habits you're gonna have to have new daily rituals and habits and your entire approach to learning and skill development must be better so in order to help you do that just go ahead and click the link in this post or go to Brendan comm forward slash 10 X that's Brendan BR eak and do n.com ford slash 10x and you can download this guide for free just tell me your name and email I'm happy to email that to you for free the same guide I use to achieve any goal or dream faster thanks for tuning in until I see you next time go out there every single day of your life live fully love openly and make your difference today

Channel: Brendon.com

Views: 107,214

Rating: 4.9413877 out of 5

Keywords: self-help self-improvement personal development the charged life, personal growth, motivation, inspiration, motivational video, motivational speaker, inspiring videos, inspirational quotes, motivational quotes, life quotes, life coaching, high performance coach, success strategies, the charge, the motivation manifesto

Id: aMqKieo2zZs

Length: 10min 4sec (604 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 15 2016