7 Tips for Overcoming Jealousy In Relationships

hi I'm Matt Terrell among common knowledge and hypnosis downloads calm and welcome to seven tips for overcoming jealousy in relationships how to stop being jealous today before this relationship parasite eats away your love life and I always love the quote it's not love that is blind but jealousy and a client said to me he's so jealous talking about her boyfriend I have to face the wall in restaurants when I go out with him and Kevin set aside her rather meekly mark can you please make him understand that I love him Catherine continued I don't want anybody else but his insane jealousy is going to tear us apart unless something changes and Kevin admitted that when they went out in public he would insist she sit toward a wall so that she couldn't see or be seen by other potential attractive mates if he caught her chatting or joking with male neighbors or colleagues he would assume right off she was having an affair she had stopped seeing a really good male friend that she'd known since childhood and he'd banned her from chatting to a 70 year old married man who lived next door and this for her was maddening of course you know his jealousy was all-encompassing from attractive male movie stars to male teachers of her young children at the school that I went to and at first before realizing how destructive it was to become she had been flattered by the intensity of his jealous attentions after all it showed he cared right but the constant anxiety a loss of her freedom and sheer cleanness you know he would text to every half hour if she went out with a girlfriend were now tortured to her and also to him and most people feel a little jealous sometimes especially when they they have strong feelings of attraction and love for their partner and a little jealousy occasionally can add zest to a to any relationship really but just as a spark can illuminate a room a blaze can burn it to the ground so what's behind jealousy what does jealousy in a relationship mean at the root of jealousy lies fear of loss like many jealous partners Kevin feared loss of his relationship loss of self-respect even loss of face fearing how his friends would see him if he were to be made a fool off in his terms fear makes for feelings of insecurity when fear lessens so does jealousy more than feelings of fear jealousy all also leads to a smallest ball of other emotions such as anger hate of love rivals discussed sometimes self-disgust and hopelessness so why might a person be jealous or particularly jealous Kevin's ex-wife had cheated on him and he felt he'd never got over this once bitten twice shy has the same has it now we're told it's great to have a good imagination but he was using his imagination to torment himself and of course if your partner is continually sexually active with other people then jealousy is totally justified and perhaps the whole relationship needs to be reevaluated but here I want to focus on helping you if you feel unduly jealous that's to say there's no real or proper evidence other than in your mind that your partner is or has been unfaithful to you so these tips also focus on sexual jealousy rather than say being jealous of the amount of time your partner spends with their mother or their kids okay we're talking about the sexual jealousy here so how can we start to break the jealousy cycle reclaim self-control and stop driving our partners and ourselves crazy so number one it may sound trite but how about believe your partner so take them at their word if they do lie to you then they're not making a fool out of you anyone but themselves so remember that someone lies to you they're making a fool out of themselves it's been said that Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship and it's very insulting for your partner to have you always doubting their word or decency of behavior constant questioning by you can even be as distracted as having an affair in the long run okay being untrusted you'll still distrust your partner for a while out of sheer habit but find the strength to start acting as if you believed them more at the time if you've been checking that they really were where they said they've been and stop doing that when they tell you they love you believe them step 2 easier said than done but stop comparing yourself to others some not all jealousy is driven by low self-esteem how could they love me I don't understand how someone like them could be attracted to someone like me we none of us are supposed to understand exactly why someone loves us does the Mona Lisa painting know why it's so valuable and of course you may be able to appreciate attractive qualities in yourself but consider this there are better-looking richer funnier smarter younger people around that just about all of us but these are qualities of a product if he or she loves you it will be because of an extra indefinable quality that you have that they couldn't even explain perhaps some deep part of your humanity they connected to which transcends looks or youth or wealth and so on some of the most loved people in history have been well down the list when it comes to looks Oh wealth stop trying to work out why they can possibly like you because it might not be a workable audible type of a thing it might be a terrible thought but be prepared to lose them this is my third tip so I said that not all jealousy is driven by low self-esteem and that's right people with quite high self-esteem can experience intense jealousy if they tend to feel they themselves must always be the center of things okay people like this tend to look at other people as material property and maybe they don't they don't just want to share that property as it were even as far as letting their partner innocently smile or socialize with another person perhaps as a kid they were a little spoiled okay they see people as their property but people are not of course objects or toys to be constantly guarded to love someone properly we need to be prepared to lose them so you don't like might be thinking I'm crazy at this point but you know hear me out anger a fear and jealousy drive out love a love needs a strong dash of fearlessness to flourish its courage in love okay so you fear losing your loved one to someone else and possibly fear how this will make you feel about yourself if you must keep using your imagination use it to imagine the worst happening and you still being okay not just surviving but thriving in this imagined scenario fantasize about how well you'd react how whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger okay actually imagine the worst happening a new being all right write down ten positive ways you'd like to respond and how you'd build your life up even better if this relationship were to end fear is much greater when we feel that all our eggs are in one basket don't build your whole life around any one person so how can I live without you it's too daunting really imagine how you would if you had to live without this person okay but don't leave this list lying around to be found by your partner as they may start feeling insecure themselves okay number four don't just don't play games jealousy is excruciating ly uncomfortable people sometimes try to make themselves feel better by trying to get their partner jealous don't do this flirting with other men or women all the time in front of your partner constantly saying how attractive fun and witty someone you work with is and going out of your way to talk about past lovers just demeans you and won't make either of you feel better in the long run this isn't to say you have to pretend that no other attractive people exist in the world but you can acknowledge this without using it as a form of relationship ammunition if your partner is ever unfaithful to you that is a reflection of them not you they haven't had the courage to end the relationship with you and they've been deceitful and if this were to occur it's better that they don't have the ammo to turn around and say well you were always talking about so-and-so at work or can you blame me because you were always flirting outrageously with your auto repair man or the girl that works in the bar okay so keep your dignity long-term and ditch the game playing number five stop confusing make-believe with reality jealousy like many psychological problems from hypochondria to paranoia is driven by the destructive use or misuse of the imagination so the imagination of course is great if you use it for your own benefit not if it messes with your mind Stephen King has a stellar career from making stuff up and writing about it but he distances himself thankfully for him from stuff that he creates in his head okay he doesn't believe everything he writes is real just because he imagined it which is what chronic warriors do so right now I can imagine an alien invasion headed right towards Earth I can vividly see the pesky aliens about to land the mothership in my local park but I don't believe it okay just because you could imagine something doesn't make it true stop trusting your imagination so much however realistic it can be think about it your partner is home later than you thought they were going to be you start to imagine them having an intimate drink with that handsome guy you saw working in her office or that luscious sister of his new gym partner you happen to see one time you become angry upset frightened without having any evidence that what you imagined is real they come home and you react weirdly by being very cold or you have an outburst of anger toward them they become defensive and angry back in turn and I recall seeing a youtube video of a dog becoming very angry with its own leg okay the more its leg moved the angrier the dog got with it not realizing that the dog was moving the leg now we laugh when we see a dog doing this but psychologically people do a variation of this all the time when you stop getting emotional just because you've imagined something you'll take a hefty step towards regaining control of that jealousy tip number six lengthen the leash okay since we're talking canines here's another dog reference start relaxing with lengthening the leash if your partner wants to spend that weekend with his or her friends let them keeping them imprisoned will only build their desire to escape your possessiveness let them have their freedom and no this is not the same as letting them walk all over you okay if you're out with them let them chat to their attractive colleague there in your mind that they may not find their colleague as attractive as you imagine they do okay if you suspect your partner is trying to make you jealous then short-circuit this by relaxing about it how do we do this okay so number seven use your imagination to make you feel better not worse so try this exercise close your eyes and relax okay now think about the type of scenario that makes you the most jealous is it knowing your partner is out and you imagining them with someone else is it seeing them talking and laughing with someone else now breathing deeply and focusing or relaxing different parts of your body in turn just imagine seeing yourself looking calm relaxed even disinterested in that kind of situation because ultimately alive we only have ourselves to answer to and you can only truly control yourself visualize your partner doing all the things that made you feel jealous and see yourself not responding with jealousy but rather with calm detachment and the more you can do this the less jealousy will be able to mess with you so it might sound strange that jealousy is more about self-love and real love for another person but jealousy does make us focus more on our own feelings than the feelings of the other person overcoming jealousy isn't about making your partner face the wall in restaurants or trying to prevent them ever looking at anyone else it has to be about you managing managing your own emotions I worked with Kevin hypnotically worked with his traumatic memories of having being cheated on by someone who wasn't Katherine and bit by bit got him to lengthen the leash and their relationship began to improve so now I'm happy to say his beautiful fiancee sits with her back to the wall at restaurants because as Kevin says why deny other men the chance to admire a beautiful face so I hope you found that useful and if you did please hit like and subscribe and if you want to hear where my next video is published hit the notification bell below i'm matter love uncommon knowledge and hypnosis downloads calm and if you'd like to try some of my personal development products head over to hypnosis downloads calm and take a look around and thanks for watching [Music]

Channel: Uncommon Knowledge

Views: 21,164

Rating: 4.9354186 out of 5

Keywords: stop being jealous in a relationship, stop jealousy, stop being jealous, overcome jealousy in relationships, how to stop being jealous, how to stop feeling jealous, relationship advice, how to overcome jealousy, jealousy in relationships, stop being jealous in my relationship, jealousy in a relationship, overcoming jealousy, how to deal with jealousy, how to not be jealous, why do i get jealous, personal development, dating advice

Id: hLjBBQKsgHY

Length: 14min 42sec (882 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 29 2019