Tony Robbins: SECRET TO HAPPINESS (Tony Robbins 2017 Motivational Speech)

[Music] we're gonna talk in the session about the exact formula for what creates long term happiness what creates unhappiness what creates suffering and what the antidotes are which there's only three how do I know this I've had the privilege of being with four million people now from a hundred countries around the world live seminars and I've seen everything you can imagine I mean from the most successful people in the world to these singularly most challenged people you could possibly imagine I've dealt with people with multiple personality disorders 52 different personalities and how to put them back together and I dealt with people with no personality you have a much bigger problem no matter what the diversity of people I've dealt with and the diversity you've seen in this show the ultimate question I'm always asking is how do I help people to break through the question is what are you breaking through to in essence all of us at some level to feel alive have to always feel like we're growing when people ask me what does it take to be happy I always tell them one word progress progress equals happiness even if you're not where you want to be yet if you're on the road if you're improving if you're making progress you're gonna love it you're gonna feel alive on the other hand it doesn't matter how successful you are if you stop growing you start dying inside now how does this relate to this session I'm breakthrough I'll say it's really simple if you and I want to know what it takes to be happy we have to understand what is our current blueprint of how our life's supposed to be now what do I mean by blueprint well we have a story in our head of how life's supposed to be some people's story is you work hard in school you become really great you're a nice person you're a good person and then you grow up and you take care of yourself and you find the ideal man and you fall in love you have a white picket fence and you have three perfect children and you live happily ever after somebody else's story the old story was you work really hard in school you excel in college you're going to work for a big corporation and you move up through the ranks until you're the President or chairman of the company and you become successful respected throughout life these are some old stories obviously the stories that we hear today of what people's lives are supposed to be like are complete diverse we no longer have these little Ark types but when our type still seems to remain man archetype is in order for you to really feel like you're enough many people believe they have to achieve an enormous amount they may do it in different ways they may do it by building a company and taking it public when they're 27 or 25 years old or you know they find and create a new technology or they become a very special doctor but we live in a culture in the West that teaches people that you're not enough unless you do something really special and unique and we define special and unique and interesting ways a schoolteacher is not special and unique a mother who stays home with her children day and night sculpting their minds their bodies their souls and their future is not special we live in a world today where we treat teachers like they're nobody and pay them accordingly and we wonder why our children seem to have challenges of learning and growing or being engaged in school we spend thousands of dollars on some item like a computer but what we look at overall we invest in for the teacher and for that person who's the personal connection with them is so small we live in a society where many women look down and say well you're just a housewife you're just a mother see some of the pain we have in our society is not because there's one right or one wrong approach but because we try to make everybody fit into some particular approach to life here's what's gonna make you happy or make you unhappy in life it's real simple let's do a quick test if you're in a situation right now where you look at your life I know there's an area of your life that you probably feel pretty darn good about even if you're not happy with your finances I bet you feel damn good close to your kids or if you're not close to your kids maybe you don't have any kids maybe you feel really good about your career if you're doing not so good in your career maybe you got a really great body that you've trimmed down or strengthened up or you know you really shaped yourself the way you want muscularly or and the way you look or if that's not happening maybe you feel a really special connection with God or really close to your mother or father your family whatever almost everybody has an area of their life they feel really good about if they're honest if they're fair to themselves what's the name of your life you really feel happy about I want you think about it for a moment truthfully what's an area your life today that if you wanted to be happy about it you really could feel proud about it you could feel like so no you're doing darn well in and if you're really hard on yourself there's still an area what's an area I want to think of it right now and once you think of that area whether it's your body or your finances or your career or your intimate relationship or your relationship with your kids your relationship with your Creator whatever it is I want you to think about why are you happy with that air of your life right now today why are you happy with that area of your life right now today I really think about if you were in a seminar with me I'd have you write this down if you can you can put me on hold here for a second because I'd like to reveal to you what the formula is for happiness and if I say there's a formula for happiness and here's what it is you're gonna go yeah yeah sure that's what he says but if you put down the answer and we can see the form of this real without me telling you what it is you get to look at your own life and say it matches you're gonna know this is right so you could stop this right now if you want put me on hold and just write down what's an area of your life you're really really happy about you're really pleased with or you could be if you wanted to focus on it and why are you happy with that part of your life right now you're gonna happy with everything what's the year you're happy with and why put me on hold right now or you're not gonna do that just think for a moment why specifically be real why now when I ask this if you've turned me back on now if I ask this of an audience I'll have people write this down for a few minutes and I'll call on people I'll say share with the person next to you first what do you happy about and why are you happy in that area and be specific and after they share I'll have people stand up I'll call on a variety people and I say yeah I'm telling me what are you happy about she'll say well honestly I'm really happy with my body she does I never thought I'd say that but I used to be so unhappy with it and you know I finally I did some things I push myself through and now I exercise regularly and you know I'm not perfect but I feel fit I feel strong I feel energetic and that's really I don't know it just feels good to me now I say to everybody I'm now gonna show you what the formula for happiness is and it's real simple I want to reveal it to you so you don't ever forget it whenever you're happy with the era of your life it's because right now your current life experience I call it your LC your life conditions the conditions of your life your life conditions in that area match are equal to your blueprint your story your belief about how life should be in that area so this woman says to me I'm really happily my body because it's not perfect her blueprint is I don't need to be perfect but it's so much better than it was unfit and then strong and I have this energy her mental blueprint says I should be fit strong and have energy I don't need to be perfect but I should be that way well in my life my body matches how I think it should be I feel good about my life well that's somebody else I'll say you know tell me there you're happy with someone else to say well I'm really happy with my career and why well I'm doing better than I even thought I would be I mean I'm ahead of the schedule of where I hoped I'd be at this stage I'm working at this level in this company and I have these skills and this ability and it's even better than I thought well once again listen this person's happy with this area of their life because their current life conditions in the area called their career are even better than they expected they would date better than their blueprint better than their belief about how it should be if it's really better you tend to be over the moon but one woman would say you know I I kind of tell ya I said I'm the happiest ever been in my whole life how come she goes because I have this man in my life and I'm in love with him and he loves me and I can be myself with him and he we have this incredible intimacy and this passion and we want to be with each other all the time and I never get bored with him well what's her blueprint do you want to be with somebody that you can have total intimacy with somebody who you love and loves you those are part of her rules her beliefs of how it should be she said it you know it's needs to be I never want to be with anybody else I want to be with them every moment her blueprint about how life should be and the way she lives her relationships even better than she hoped when it's better than you hope you're gonna be totally excited so think about this then what's an area you're not happy with let's see we can find the formula for unhappiness if the formula for happiness is to be able to meet your expectations or exceed them that we really makes you excited but to be happy at least Mita doesn't have to be perfect but if you generally are meaning what you factor you want from your life in that area feel good life conditions match blueprint feel good so what makes you feel bad or creates pain stress frustration little easy way to figure it out answer this question what's an area of life you're not happy with let me be honest with yourself and even if your life is great in all kinds of ways I'm sure there's an area you'd like to improve anybody is honest if they're doing great in their career very often don't take care of their body so much if they're really focused on their body you know very often they find themselves in a position where they're not spending enough time with their kids or if they're spending time with their kids their intimate relationships not doing so well because it's the nature of human beings to focus on areas they feel comfortable with and strong in and give those time and the areas they don't feel so strong and they go I don't have time for it but they really say because I don't feel very competent that area so what's an area of your life that you are not as happy with I mean it's healthy honestly to look at areas and say I don't like it I want more this whole concept of a breakthrough is about how do I close the gap between where I am right now and what I want to be that's what we're here to do is like here's what I want to be here's where I am it's healthy to see there's a gap that makes me have this hunger that's drive to grow to feel alive to expand as a human being so what's an air you're not pleased with is it your body is it your finances is it your career is it your spiritual life or lack thereof in terms of feeling connected in that area is it your kids like what's the area what's the area that's not where you want it to be and then answer for a moment why aren't you happy with that area of your life right now why specifically today are you not happy with that area of your life at this stage of your time of your life again you can stop this and write it down might be useful for you or if you're gonna keep it running you can stop it and you'll turn it right back on I'll kick into it do that now or if you kept it running then just I'll give you what happens I have people write this down and they don't like this exercise so much oh I don't like my body or I don't like my finances I don't like my career I don't like the person I'm in a relationship with I don't like myself the way I'm in relationships why they write it all down how people share back and forth I call people and the lessons pretty clear I tell people in advance here's the formula for unhappiness I'll show you before you do anything else when your life conditions when your life conditions the way you're living life today does not match it doesn't equal your blueprint your story of how it's supposed to be then you're gonna have disappointment frustration or pain if your life is way different than the way you think it's supposed to be you can have enormous pain if it's a little different you might feel stressed make sense so people stand up and I said tell me you know what's the oh you're not happy when the person says well you know I'm really not happy with my finances and I go why and they say because I'm doing worse now than I was five years ago I made mistakes in the market and at this stage of my life I should have this much money and I don't have it and I don't know how to change it and it's making me crazy and why are they crazy you say well because they don't have their economic needs met no you cannot have your economic needs met and you could still be okay but when you have an idea this is what my need is and I did the wrong thing my life doesn't match how I'm supposed to be that's when people get a little crazy so you think about it if you grew up taking care of folding your own clothes making your own meals going to the store doing the grocery shopping cleaning the bedroom cleaning the house vacuuming taking out the trash and you did that your whole life then if you have to do that later on you don't feel like you have economic pain because you don't have a maid but if you grew up an environment where everything was done for you you never have to work and now suddenly you have to work incredibly hard to just pay enough money to pay your bills and all of a sudden food is building up and the house is dirty and your clothes aren't folded and nothing matches you might find yourself really angry and frustrated because you have a different story about how life's supposed to be than how it is someone else will say well I'll tell you why because I'm in a situation now where you know I'm 30 pounds everything I should be should be the key word there are people there are people in all cultures who love being big there are people that will walk around and someone else might think they're massively overweight but they're gone I own this honey and they really truly they match the Blueprint big is beautiful because their ideas big is beautiful I'm big that's beautiful matches my blueprint rock-and-roll I'm happy as can peace somebody else can look like a twig and be stressed out saying I hate my body cuz their blueprint says I should be the skinniest thing on earth and I'm not skinny enough am I making sense when your life conditions don't match your blueprint you're gonna have pain but here's when you suffer don't ask people who here has been through the dark night of the soul who's been here in a situation where you feel like like like life life isn't worth living or we feel like a pain that just will never go away and I'll people write down those experiences like Joaquin so you'll begin to understand what the issue is I'm talking about here while Keane if you recall was in a situation where this man felt like there was no reason to live he couldn't work he couldn't do anything his life was worthless why did he think that because he had a blueprint and his blueprint said I need be an NBA basketball player at least a professional basketball player I need to be able to make money and have this great lifestyle because that's what makes me worthwhile as a human being that's what makes my family respect me my mother my uncle's my aunts I am the successful one in the family and I make the money I support everybody he's a good man he didn't come just to be successful he took care of his mother his family's he tried to be an inspiration for people walking Hawkins is a man I was always going out on his free time and training kids and showing them the pathway to freedom how they could play basketball and get free like he did and get out of the inner city so this man is not a selfish man but he knew this is the way to be worthwhile this is the way to be able to give to people this is the way to take care of your family and all of a sudden one night what happened that way was taken from him he has a stroke and another night his life conditions make it impossible to be who he has to be or he feels like he's worthless to get it we have an identity we have a story of how we're supposed to be and if life somehow gets in the way of that story we Payne but if we feel we have no control that's when we go into suffering see it's one thing to say my life doesn't match my blueprint I gotta lose weight that might stress you out or my life doesn't match my blueprint I'm not in a relationship I gotta get in one that might motivate you even you might not like it but you're gonna find a way to get away or my career doesn't match how I should be you could change it but when you start believing that your life doesn't match your blueprint and you have no control to change it you're helpless that's when people suffer and so this week for your breakthrough it's a chance for you to start to take a look at your blueprint anywhere you're really having pain Hey look if you're doing great in some area of your life celebrate of course and I'm sure there are many areas you are but life is really a seriously growth spurts I mean two things in life make you feel alive growing and giving and what's really wonderful about this man Joaquin is he was constantly growing trying to get better trying to be a better team made a better basketball player think about it when he didn't make the team's and didn't make the NBA he didn't give up he worked even harder the guy was always striving striving to become something and he became it and he achieved it and then life took it from him isn't that the common denominator with so many of the people and the stories of this six-part series that you saw these six specials I mean Frank and Kristen had a blueprint of what life was supposed to be about we're supposed to get married and have children and we're gonna have our own business and all of a sudden life doesn't match the blueprint and suddenly there's depression because in their case they said there's nothing we could do but they were wrong they were wrong because they discovered and Frank discovered I can make a difference in my wife the chair even though I didn't create this and didn't ask for this chair does not define me I can become more than I was before I can have the impact with my wife I can have children we had to change his blueprint because we couldn't change all the conditions of his life does that make sense I couldn't get him to physically walk again maybe someday he will but we can't count on that well we got a count on is that he can be fulfilled by seeing he isn't helpless and I did that to a series of experiences that violated what he thought he couldn't do the same thing was true with almost every one of the people we worked with at some level and in Joaquin's example it was also true our Keane said well I I can't ever have this quality of life again because I'm not a professional basketball player and he was locked into that mindset and all of us get locked at times but to his credit to a system of steps we were able to break him out of that we would get him to see that he isn't helpless cuz here's your choice watch this now if you're suffering if you're in pain your life doesn't match how you think it should be and you think you're helpless to change it now you have only three choices choice one blame something and that's what Joaquin did if you recall he blamed his coach he blamed what happened to him and of course these things were outside his control but he blamed his coach and a big part of the healing if you watch this session was bringing his coach in and getting him to see hey you know what all that anger all that resentment inside of you Joaquin a it's not based on the truth and be like Nelson Mandela said you know having resentment in your soul is like drinking poison and hoping that your enemy will die it doesn't work that way and when Joaquin was able to break out his breakthrough was a change in perception to realize this coach wasn't stopping me I just felt like I lost everything and so I don't know how to change it so I'm looking for something to be mad about someone to blame so so I don't have to blame myself or I don't have to feel so helpless because when you're angry you don't feel so helpless you feel strong for the moment even though it's a fake strength when he was able to make that breakthrough he could stop blaming cuz these are three choices when life doesn't match how you think it should be blame something an event someone else or yourself as we talked about earlier in the series blame games just destroy you there's no progress when you play for the moment you feel okay but nothing changes what are your real choices you only have two choices in life if life doesn't match your blueprint you either have to change your life that is you gotta say you know what my body isn't there I'm gonna go work out my relationship is in there I'm gonna change it you know I'm not making what I gotta make I'm gonna retool I'm gonna get new skill I'm gonna go back to school I'm gonna start a business I'm gonna do something you have to do something to change your life or in order for you to be happy if you can't change your life you're gonna have to change your blueprint usually in life it requires a little bit of each does that make sense and if you've changed your take change your life and change your blueprint you can have an extraordinary life and what you witness this man do was once he let go of his anger and his denial once he started to look at things he began to find by spending time with his family that he was worthwhile being loved while he played basketball or not of course he'd love to play basketball but professional basketball is no longer a part of it and we had to get Joaquin to shift that and Joaquin is a metaphor for all of us because all of us are gonna have times in our life when what we want or think life should be like isn't gonna match how life really is those moments if we blame our life goes into pain if we change we can change our life and match our blueprint but we have to also know when it's not within our control and that's how we're able to make a shift and change what our story is for our life what our expectations are not by lowering them but by changing what that model really is helping this make sense to you I'll give you a great example years ago I I do a lot of work with business people celebrities people of all kinds and walks of life and I was dealing with a group of people and they knew a very very powerful celebrity and without to give that person privacy I won't tell you too many details we can't figure out exactly who it is but it would be a person who was very successful as a woman who was extremely attracted by cultural standards a woman who's had a lot of dear friends a lot of deep respect so great skill great ability extremely talented quite attractive quite wealthy in financial terms and lots of great friends this would be for most people's idea the ultimate blueprint if your life matches that description you must have an incredible life but ironically this particular individuals famous as they were was depressed all the time they had seemingly everything and yet the person was depressed how do you get depressed when you're smart and you're strong and you're beautiful and you got great friends and you're rich in you're famous well it's real simple people sent it I don't know what it is everyone's tried to help her she's been on the through counseling she's got all these different drugs nothing's working she's thinking antidepressants and she's still depressed which is not uncommon by the way because if you change the way you feel physically but you still see your life doesn't match how you think it should be at some level and you feel like you're helpless to change it you're gonna be depressed so I said bring her to me I said I can help I know that sounds like hyperbole but I absolutely can help her well how do you know that Tony because I already know what the problem is I know if someone's depressed it's because they feel helpless because their life doesn't match how they think it should be I just didn't know what her blueprint is but we'll find out what it is and we'll either help her change your life or mop or change your blueprint or both long story short invent the core of it she came to me and she spent maybe the first half an hour telling me apologizing saying I know I should be happier I know it's silly for me to be depressed I don't know why I'm so depressed I I know I should be grateful for what I have and I am grateful and it was all these reasons why she knows she should feel good but still didn't I try to finally explain to her Lissa I don't care about that I care about you the fact that you're not happy has nothing to do with what you have or don't have the fact that you're not happy is that your life doesn't match the way you think it should be and you have some idea of how you think it should be and worse if you're this depressed after all this time you feel like you can't do anything you have no power to change it you feel helpless and she looked at me in a certain way and I said so what is that what did you want your life to be like she goes well it sounds stupid I said like I sound stupid to me she said well I don't know I just always since I was a little girl dreamed that I would be married and I'll have three basically perfect children and they would love me totally and my bub my husband he loved me and I said okay so how's that working for you so far and she said well I think you know cuz pretty famous person she said I'm divorced twice I have no children and now X age and to give you a clue that age would be an age where having a child your own natural child at least barring a medical miracle is not going to happen so I said to her well why don't you just adopt she was no no no no no that's not it and so what I had to dig under is whenever we talked to one of the earlier sessions about there's the surface problem and then there's the deeper desire or need so I said to her I said well what if you couldn't have the husband but you could have the kids and she smiled she said I'd take that I said well why not adopt your kid she goes now it has to be my own blood children so I kept digging to find out what was behind her blueprint because your blueprint is just a projection of what you think you need to be happy but as human beings were notoriously ineffective at knowing that's gonna make us happy so much what we think we're gonna make us happy we get there we go is this all there is so many things that we think are gonna make us miserable and we can never deal with we go through it we can handle it we're not good at projecting these things and all kinds of studies will show this so I said to her well what what are you hoping to get from these three children why do they have to be your blood children and she finally said well if they're my blood children I know they'll always love me they'll never leave me what was she looking for unconditional love she had this big blueprint that said white house picket fence three children perfect husband you know all these different things but what was behind that was a need a need to feel like she could have love that would be certain and wouldn't go away so I can help her meet that need so I said to her I said well maybe one reason you don't have a husband is because every time you look at one you're trying to figure out if he's gonna get you those three kids in time and how that's gonna happen and maybe he feels a little stressed when he's low you're looking at in this way because he can feel what's going on behind your bed even if he doesn't know what the words are and she started to laugh because I guess I've probably been that way a good portion of my life and she goes people wonder you know why I'm so uptight I say you're uptight because you were felt like you're running out of time trying to meet some picture but I said all you really want is love I said don't Channel I love you I've tell me about your friends and gradually I got her to start seeing this love that she was trying to get was already here it didn't match the pick maybe maybe we could paint a new picture of what life could really be like and make sure that picture met her deepest needs that's basically we did Joaquin Joaquin wanted to be a professional basketball player cuz he loved basketball yes but also because he wanted to be that man who was a leader he wanted to be a man who was the good man he wanted to be the one who brought energy to people he want to be the man people would look up to he want to be the man who could take care of his family and style all of his family not just his daughters and his wife but other people as well underneath it all he wanted to know that he mattered and through the process that you saw in this show he began to find out that he didn't need to be angry at the world that yes his blueprint was taken from him but his soul and his ability to be a special human being and he could touch other people was not taken from him that may be his real gift was his ability to inspire young kids his ability to get himself to do whatever it took how do you become a professional basketball player unbelievable discipline unbelievable Drive he started bringing that to picking up trash and the game started to change he started up Mary could come home and take care of his kids and pay his bills that doesn't solve everything but it gives him a way to suddenly regain himself when he sat around with all of his family you saw part of those scenes and if you watch little areas of browsing this week you'll see some more scenes from his family where you see him begin you realize they love me whether I'm rich or poor they love me or a professional basketball player or not they love me that's what he was really after and when he got that it allowed him to let go and say I can do other things that doesn't mean he won't have challenges we're all gonna have challenges in our life him it doesn't mean that at times he won't wish he's doing more but he's no longer stuck he's broken through because he now knows I have control I can change my life or I can change my blueprint and when I do I can fulfill it I can start to fail that aliveness now here's the trap what do you think happens once you fulfill your blueprint regularly once you figure out how to do what you always dreamed of you always dream to live a certain way and now you're living that way live in that way living that way every day well the human nervous system human spirit needs to grow so pretty soon you'll get bored with that and you'll come up with a new blueprint that's part of the part of life that's exciting see if you and I are from this day forward are gonna be happy just remember what we've said it takes two things grow and give a meaningful life comes from growing that sense of progress and it comes from having life not just be about me but about we doing something that makes me feel connected to other people besides myself that growth that sense of contribution fills a deep spiritual need that we all have if you are unhappy in your life you got three choices really to blame that's not a choice it's not gonna work don't blame someone else don't blame you that don't blame yourself just figure out what you're gonna do to change your life that's my specialty if you like my coaching or my team's coaching come visit with us come I'm doing event come get a coach come to a program I will guide you through it more than just a few minutes like this and we'll do it directly an environment that will shift you or change your blueprint you're gonna have to rewire what's going on inside and that's what we focus on as well so I hope this journey has been an interesting one for you I hope it's opened up your eyes to what it takes to go from where you are to where you want to be it takes changing your emotional pattern to change bringing presence to your life it takes realizing you have no problems compared to somebody else and putting your life in perspective it takes the ability to deal with those extreme stresses that happen in your life by questioning your limiting beliefs and again if we'd love to coach you and show you how to change those in a permanent way where it happens automatically just like lifting weights so often till the muscle is always there and you find yourself able to follow through it takes for you to be able to figure out how to deal with crisis and how to turn it around it takes facing your fear it takes pushing yourself through what used to stop you it takes putting yourself in a position where you connect to what's more important than just yourself what you value than just yourself and it takes I think in this case also the ability to realize that no matter what happens to you you're more than that moment you're more than the story you think you're supposed to be and that even when you're not matching what you think you need to be maybe there's a reason for that maybe you're having to find a different part of yourself that's gonna fulfill you at a much deeper level sometimes failing to get your goal gives you your destiny I can't tell you how many people I've known of the had an idea of what they thought their life was supposed to be like and they didn't achieve it they felt miserable and upset and frustrated and one day an opening happened and they went oh my God thank God that didn't happen I think it's Garth Brooks had a great song and it's a song about when he was in high school and he was in love with this girl infatuated with her and she didn't even know that he existed and he prayed to God every day that she would notice him that she would fall in love with him and then sure enough she never did he was so disappointed his blueprint didn't match his life didn't match it because she didn't even know he existed and he felt this suffering he could do nothing to turn it around well 15 years later he became a guy named Garth Brooks somebody everybody knew and he could rock you know stadiums with his energy and his song and his music and he goes back to being his high school reunion it was his 15 year even if I remember correctly I don't remember the exact year but all I remember is he said he saw that woman that he was so obsessed by I was looking forward to seeing her and now I'm just Garth Brooks and he met her and after he met her and spent some time with her he wrote a song called thank God for unanswered prayers sometimes not getting your blueprints the best thing that ever happened because the disappointment drives you to find something more important inside of you or not getting it makes you look for another aspect of your life a spiritual aspect of a family aspect a physical aspect if you can just trust that life doesn't happen to you it happens for you then you can find in any situation a benefit that can take your life to the next level I don't care if you're Frank and Christian I don't care if you're you know Mandy and Scott I don't care if you're Joaquin and Kim every one of us in our life is gonna feed faced situations where it feels like we have total trauma something that's been taken from us the real question is what are you gonna do with it some people just live in the story of what they don't have and they have the right to do that if Frank and Kristin lived in pain and felt bad we'd all say they have the right to do it it's a difference doing what you have the right to do and what you deserve to give yourself and others we have the ability to transcend whatever happens to us there's something called post-traumatic growth very few people know about it two people go through the same stress one's destroyed the other grows what's the difference the people that grow will not give up they don't have any excuses they find the way to break through whatever it takes and when they do three things happen number one they realize who they really are and what they're capable of they realize there's so much stronger than they thought they were and number two they deepen all their relationships you want to know who really cares about you who you love and who loves you go through some tragedy go through some hard times all your Facebook friends go away your real friends your real family shows up for you and you show up for them and it deepens your relationships and the third thing happens if you can push yourself through and break through whatever challenges life gives you is each time you have a breakthrough you get stronger and it almost like builds a psychological immunity in you we're suddenly all of a sudden it's like stuff happens you know stuffs gonna happen and you're not scared of it anymore cuz after you've been through a stroke after you've been through you know losing the use of some of your body or senses after you lose a family member and you break through to that you get to the other side it's like give me your best shot life it's almost like there's this psychological immunity that says I'm ready for whatever life will give me I don't want challenges but if they're here I know I can handle them that strength of spirit is what creates a sense of freedom and joy in life and that strength of spirit basically comes from living a life where you are constantly a never ending feeling your way to improve yourself and to help others that's my mission and if we can serve you again in the future I hope they'll check us out there's three ways you can continue to participate with us you can come to an event come have an experience with us live in a weekend and our unleash the power within or our date with destinies I think you'll find it's very different than just sitting here talking to you quietly sitting in front of your computer screen it's a rock-and-roll environment it's like going to the ballpark and having one person sitting there talking to you versus being in the ball park or the rock and roll concert you know with 50 thousand there's an energy and a power that comes from it second is there's immersion here we talked for an hour there's distractions and emails there it's total focus and we go for immersion we're literally what we did here over six weeks few little conversations all that happens over and over again multiple times a day and you get that shift so come to an event or call up and get a coach we have people that you can work with and have a free coaching session and make sure it's really valuable for you but these are people that can check in with you to help make sure you break through you make the changes you want to make and your career or your finances or your body or your emotions or whatever area matters to you and finally lastly and probably most importantly every day you got to feed your mind because every day most of us are turning on you know some form of news it shows up in our pocket and our blackberries or I you know iPods or iPhones I should say it shows up you know on your computer constantly it chases us and it rarely does a good idea interrupt you really what you have to do is pursue the ideas pursue the experiences they're gonna change your life and we have a way to do it called net time no extra time a way where you can keep feeding your mind the stuff that really matters with some products or services so if you're interested in any of those things be sure to click on your interest of an event or interest in having a free coaching session or maybe try one of our audio programs because the other challenge here is with video got to sit here potentially and watch me but with audio you can do it while you're working out you can do it while you're cleaning the house you can do it while you're driving in the car while you're getting to work we'd love to continue serving you in any way we can I know I've gone long in this session but I really want you to think about how can I get my life the way I want it to be the way I do it is I figure out what my blueprint is and I update it for what life is I changed my life match my blueprint and suddenly my life feels full and a life thank you for the time that we spent together here I've really enjoyed our time and I hope that this break do series remind you to never settle for less than you can be never settle for less than you can give or you can share LIVESTRONG loop of passion and god bless welcome back to your breakthrough we're gonna talk in the session about the exact formula for what creates long-term happiness what creates unhappiness what creates suffering and what the antidotes are which there's only three how do I know this I've had the privilege of being with four million people now from 100 countries around the world live seminars and I've seen everything you can imagine I mean from the most successful people in the world to these singularly most challenged people you could possibly imagine I've dealt with people with multiple personality disorders 52 different personalities and how to put them back together and I dealt with people with no personality you have a much bigger problem no matter what the diversity of people I've dealt with and the diversity you've seen in this show the ultimate question I'm always asking is how do I help people to break through the question is what are you breaking through to in essence all of us at some level to feel alive have to always feel like we're growing when people ask me what does it take to be happy I always tell them one word progress progress equals happiness even if you're not where you want to be yet if you're on the road if you're improving if you're making progress you're gonna love it you're gonna feel alive on the other hand it doesn't matter how successful you are if you stop growing you start dying inside now how does this relate to this session on breakthrough I'll say it's really simple if you and I want to know what it takes to be happy we have to understand what is our current blueprint of how our life's supposed to be then what are we mean by a blueprint well we have a story in our head of how life's supposed to be some people's story is you work hard in school you become really great you're a nice person you're a good person and then you grow up and you take care of yourself and you find the ideal man and you follow love you have a white picket fence and you have to be perfect gel Briand and you live happily ever after somebody else's story the old story was you work really hard in school you excel in college you're going to work for a big corporation and you move up through the ranks until you're the President or chairman of the company and you become successful respected throughout life these are some old stories obviously the stories that we hear today of what people's lives are supposed to be like are completely diverse we no longer have these little archetypes but when our type still seems to remain that archetype is in order for you to really feel like you're enough many people believe they have to achieve an enormous amount they may do it in different ways they may do it by building a company and taking it public when they're 27 or 25 years old or you know they find and create a new technology or they become a very special dr. but we live in a culture in the West that teaches people that you're not enough unless you do something really special and unique and we define special and unique and interesting ways a schoolteacher is not special and unique a mother who stays home with her children day and night sculpting their minds their bodies their souls and their future is not special we live in a world today where we treat teachers like they're nobody and pay them accordingly we wonder why our children seem to have challenges of learning and growing or being engaged in school we spend thousands of dollars on some item like a computer but what we look at overall we invest in for the teacher and for that person is the personal connection with them is so small we live in a society where many women look down and say well you're just a housewife you're just a mother see some of the pain we have in our society is not because there's one right or one wrong approach but because we try to make everybody fit into some particular approach to life here's what's gonna make you happy or make you unhappy in life it's real simple let's do a quick test if you're in a situation right now where you look at your life I know there's an area of your life that you'd probably feel pretty darn good about even if you're not happy with your finances I bet you feel damn good close to your kids or if you're not close to your kids maybe you don't have any kids maybe you feel really good about your career if you're doing not so good in your career maybe you got a really great body that you've trimmed down or strengthened up or you know you really shaped yourself the way you want muscularly or and the way you look or if that's not happening maybe you feel really special connection with God or really close to your mother or father your family whatever almost everybody has an area of their life they feel really good about if they're honest if they're fair to themselves what's the me of your life you really feel happy about I want you think about it for a moment truthfully what's an area in your life today that if you wanted to be happy about it you really could feel proud about it you could feel like so no you're doing darn well in and if you're really hard on yourself there's still an area what's an area I want to think of it right now so once you think of that area whether it's your body or your finances or your career or your intimate relationship or your relationship with your kids your relationship with your Creator whatever it is I want you think about why are you happy with that air of your life right now today why are you happy with that area of your life right now today I really think about if you're in a seminar with God have you write this down if you can you can put me on hold here for a second because I'd like to reveal to you what the formula is for happiness and if I say there's a formula for happiness and here's what it is you're gonna go yeah yeah sure that's what he says but if you put down the answer and we can see the formulas real without me telling you what it is you get to look at your own life and say it matches you're gonna know this is right so you could stop this right now if you want put me on hold and just write down what's an area of your life you're really really happy about you're really pleased with or you could be if you wanted to focus on it and why are you happy with that part of your life right now even if you're not happy with everything what's the year you're happy with and why put me on hold right now or you're not gonna do that just think for a moment why specifically be real why now when I asked this if you turn me back on now if I ask this of an audience I'll have people write this down for a few minutes and I'll call on people I'll say share with the person next to you first what are you happy about why are you happy in that area and be specific and after they share I'll have people stand up I'll call in a variety people and I say hey I'm telling me what are you happy about she'll say well honestly I'm really happy with my body she goes I never thought I'd say that but I used to be so unhappy with it and you know I finally I did some things I push myself through and now I exercise regularly I mean I'm not perfect but I feel fit I feel strong I feel energetic and that's really I don't know it just feels good to me now I say to everybody I'm now gonna show you what the formula for happiness is and it's real simple I want to reveal it to you so you don't ever forget it whenever you're happy with the air of your life it's because right now your current life experience I call it your LC or life conditions the conditions of your life your life conditions in that area match or are equal to your blueprint your story your belief about how life should be in that area so this woman says to me I'm really happily my body because it's not perfect her blueprint is I don't need to be perfect but it's so much better than it was unfit and then strong and I have this energy her mental blueprints I should be fit strong and have energy I don't need to be perfect but I should be that way well on my life my body matches how I think it should be I feel good about my life well that's somebody else I'll say you know tell me there you're happy with someone else to say well I'm really happy with my career and why well I'm doing better than I even thought I would be I mean I'm ahead of the schedule of where I hoped I'd be at this stage I'm working at this level in this company and I have these skills and this ability and it's even better than I thought well once again listen this person is happy with this area of their life because their current life conditions in the area called their career are even better than they expect that they would be better than their blueprint better than their belief about how it should be if it's really better you tend to be over the moon but one would say you know I I kind of tell you I said I'm happy he's ever been in my whole life how come she goes because I have this man in my life and I'm in love with him and he loves me and I can be myself with him and he we have this incredible intimacy and this passion and we want to be with each other all the time and I never get bored with him well what's her blueprint do you want to be with somebody that you can have total intimacy with somebody who you love and loves you those are part of her rules her beliefs of how it should be she said it you know it's needs to be I never want to be with anybody else I want to be with him every moment her blueprint about how life should be and the way she lives her relationships even better than she hoped when it's better than you hope you're gonna be totally excited so think about this then what's an area you're not happy with let's see we can find the formula for unhappiness if the formula for happiness is to be able to meet your expectations or exceed them that we really make sure excited but to be happy at least Mita doesn't have to be perfect but if you general your meaning what you expect you want from your life in that area feel good life conditions match blueprint feel good so what makes you feel bad or creates pain stress frustration little easy way to figure it out answer this question what's an area of life you're not happy with let me be honest with yourself and even if your life is great all kinds of ways I'm sure there's an area you'd like to improve anybody is honest if they're doing great in their career very often don't take care of their body so much if they're really focused on their body you know very often they find themselves in a position where they're not spending enough time with their kids or if they're spending time with their kids their intimate relationships not doing so well because it's the nature of human beings to focus on areas they feel comfortable with and strong in and give those time and the areas they don't feel so strong and they go I don't have time for it but they really say because I don't feel very competent that area so what's an area of your life that you are not as happy with I mean it's healthy honestly to look at areas and say I don't like it I want more this whole concept of a breakthrough is about how do I close the gap between where I am right now and what I want to be that's what we're here to do is like here's what I want to be here's where I am it's healthy to see there's a gap that makes me have this hunger this drive to grow to feel alive to expand as a human being so what's an air you're not pleased with is it your body is it your finances is it your career is it your spiritual life or lack thereof in terms of feeling connected in that area is it your kids like what's the area what's the area that's not where you want it to be and then answer for a moment why aren't you happy with that area of your life right now why specifically today are you not happy with that area of your life at this stage of your time of your life again you can stop this and write it down might be useful for you or if you're gonna keep it running you can stop it and you'll turn it right back on I'll kick into it do that now or if you kept it running then just I'll give you what happens I have people write this down and they don't like this exercise so much oh I don't like my body or I don't like my finances I don't like my career I don't like the person I'm in a relationship with I don't like myself the way I'm in relationships why and they write it all down how people share back and forth I call on people and the lessons pretty clear I tell people in advance here's the formula for unhappiness I'll show you before you do anything else when your life conditions when your life conditions the way you're living a life today does not match it doesn't equal your blueprint your story of how it's supposed to be then you're gonna have disappointment frustration or pain if your life is a different than the way you think it's supposed to be you can have enormous pain if it's a little different you might feel stressed make sense so people stand up and I said tell me you know what CEO you're not happy with the person says well you know I'm really not happy with my finances and I go why and they say because I'm doing worse now than I was five years ago I made mistakes in the market and at this stage of my life I should have this much money and I don't have it and I don't know how to change it and it's making me crazy and why are they crazy you say well because they don't have their economic needs Matt no you cannot have your economic needs met and you could still be ok but when you have an idea this is what my need is and I did the wrong thing my life doesn't match how I'm supposed to be that's when people get a little crazy so you think about it if you grew up taking care of folding your own clothes making your own meals going to the store doing the grocery shopping cleaning the bedroom cleaning the house vacuuming taking out the trash and you did that your whole life then if you have to do that later on you don't feel like you have economic pain because you don't have a maid but if you grew up an environment where everything was done for you you never have to work and now suddenly you have to work incredibly hard to just pay enough money to pay your bills and all of a sudden food is building up and the house is dirty and your clothes aren't folded and nothing matches you might find yourself really angry and frustrated because you have a different story about how life's supposed to be then how it is someone else's say well I'll tell you why because I'm in a situation now where you know I'm 30 pounds everything I should be should be the key word there are people there are people in all cultures who love being big there are people that will walk around and someone else might think they're massively overweight but they're gone I own this honey and they really truly they match their blueprint big is beautiful because their ideas big is beautiful I'm big that's beautiful matches my blueprint rock and roll I'm happy as can be somebody else can look like a twig and be stressed out saying I hate my body because their blueprint says I should be the skinniest thing on earth and I'm not skinny enough am I making sense when your life conditions don't match your blueprint you're gonna have pain but here's when you suffer don't ask people who here has been through the dark night of the soul who's been here in a situation where you feel like like like life life isn't worth living or we feel like a pain that just will never go away and I'll people write down those experiences like Joaquin so you'll begin to understand what the issue is I'm talking about here what keen if you recall was in a situation where this man felt like there was no reason to live he couldn't work he couldn't do anything his life was worthless why did he think that because he had a blueprint and his blueprint said I need be an NBA basketball player at least a professional basketball player I need to be able to make money and have this great lifestyle because that's what makes me worthwhile as a human being that's what makes my family respect me my mother my uncle's my aunts I am the successful one in the family and I make the money I support everybody he's a good man he didn't come just to be successful he took care of his mother his families he tried to be an inspiration for people walking Hawkins is a man who was always going out on his free time and training kids and showing them the pathway to freedom how they could play basketball and get free like he did and get out of the inner city so this man is not a selfish man but he knew this is the way to be worthwhile this is the way to be able to give to people this is the way to take care of your family and all of a sudden one night what happened that way was taken from him he has a stroke and another night his life conditions make it impossible to be who he has to be or he feels like he's worthless to get it we have an identity we have a story of how we're supposed to be and if life somehow gets in the way of that story we feel pain but if we feel we have no control that's when we go into suffering see it's one thing to say my life doesn't match my blueprint I got to lose weight that might stress you out or my life doesn't match my blueprint I'm not in a relationship I got to get in one that might motivate you even you might not like it but you're gonna find a way to get on with or my career doesn't matter I should be you could change it but when you start believing that your life doesn't match your blueprint and you have no control to change it you're helpless that's when people suffer and so this week for your breakthrough it's a chance for you to start to take a look at your blueprint anywhere you're really having pain hey look if you're doing great in some area of your life celebrate of course and I'm sure there are many areas you are but life is really a series of growth spurts I mean two things in life make you feel alive growing and giving and what's really wonderful about this man Joaquin is he was constantly growing trying to get better trying to be a better team made a better basketball player think about it when he didn't make the team's and didn't make the NBA he didn't give up he worked even harder the guy was always striving striving to become something and he became it and he achieved it and then life took it from him isn't that the common denominator with so many of the people and the stories of this six-part series that you saw these six specials I mean Frank and Kristen had a blueprint of what life was supposed to be about we're supposed to get married and have children and we're gonna top our own business and all of a sudden life doesn't match the blueprint and suddenly there's depression because in their case they said there's nothing we could do but they were wrong they were wrong because they discovered and Frank discovered I can make a difference in my wife the chair even though I didn't create this and then asked for this chair does not define me I can become more than I was before I can have the impact of my wife I can have children we had to change his blueprint because we couldn't change all the conditions of his life does that make sense I couldn't get him to physically walk again maybe someday he will but we can't count on that well we gotta count on is that he can be fulfilled by seeing he isn't helpless can I did that to a series of experiences that violated what he thought he couldn't do the same thing was true in almost every one of the people we worked with at some level and in Joaquin's example it was also true our Keane said well I I can't ever have this quality of life again because I'm not a professional basketball player and he was locked into that mindset and all of us get locked at times but to his credit to a system of steps we were able to break him out of that where we get him to see that he isn't helpless because here's your choice watch this now if you're suffering if you're in pain your life doesn't match how you think it should be and you think you're helpless to change it now you have only three choices choice one blame something and that's what Joaquin did if you recall he blamed his coach he blamed what happened to him and of course these things were outside his control but he blamed his coach and a big part of the healing if you watch this session was bringing his coach in and getting him to see he you know when all that anger all that resentment inside of you Akeem a it's not based on the truth and be like Nelson Mandela said you know having resentment in your soul is like drinking poison and hoping that your enemy will die it doesn't work that way then when Joaquin was able to break out his breakthrough was a change in perception to realize this coach wasn't stopping me I just felt like I lost everything and so I don't know how to change it so I'm looking for something to be mad about someone to blame so so I don't have to blame myself or I don't have to feel so helpless because when you're angry you don't feel so helpless you feel strong for the moment even though it's a fake strength when he was able to make that breakthrough he could stop blaming because these are three choices when life doesn't match how you think it should be blame something an event someone else or yourself as we talked about earlier in the series blame games just destroy you there's no progress when you play for the moment you feel okay but nothing changes what are your real choices you only have two choices in life if flyff doesn't match your blueprint you either have to change your life that is you gotta say you know what my body isn't there I'm gonna go work out my relationship is in there I'm gonna change it you know I'm not making one I gotta make I'm gonna retool I'm gonna get a new skill I'm gonna go back to school I'm gonna start a business I'm gonna do something you have to do something to change your life or in order for you to be happy if you can't change your life you're gonna have to change your blueprint usually in life it requires a little bit of each does that make sense and if you've changed your pic change your life and change your blueprint you can have an extraordinary life and what you witness this man do was he let go of his anger and his denial once he started to look at things he began to find by spending time with his family that he was worthwhile being loved while he played basketball or not of course he'd love to play basketball but professional basketball is no longer a part of it and we had to get Joaquin to shift that and Joaquin is a metaphor for all of us because all of us are gonna have times in our life when what we want or think life should be like isn't gonna match how life really is those moments if we blame our life goes into pain if we change we can change our life and match our blueprint but we have to also know when it's not within our control and that's how we're able to make a shift and change what our story is for our life what our expectations are not by lowering them but by changing what that model really is helping this make sense to you I'll give you a great example years ago I do a lot of work with businesspeople celebrities people of all kinds of walks of life and I was dealing with a group of people and they mail a very very powerful celebrity and without to give that person privacy I won't tell you too many details we can't figure out exactly who it is but it would be a person who was very successful as a woman who was extremely attracted by cultural standards a woman who's had a lot of dear friends a lot of deep respect so great skill great ability extremely talented quite attractive quite wealthy in financial terms and lots of great friends this would be for most people's idea the ultimate blueprint if your life matches that description you must have an incredible life but ironically this particular individuals famous as they were was depressed all the time they had seemingly everything and yet the person was depressed how do you get depressed when you're smart and you're strong and you're beautiful and you got great friends and you're rich and you're famous well it's real simple people said it I don't know what it is everyone's tried to help her she's been on the through counseling she's got all these different drugs nothing's working she's taking antidepressants and she's still depressed which is not uncommon by the way because if you change the way you feel physically but you still see your life doesn't match how you think it should be at some level and you feel like you're helpless to change it I'm impressed so I said bring her to me I said I can help I know that sounds like hyperbole but I absolutely can help her well how do you know that Tony because I already know what the problem is I know if someone's depressed it's because they feel helpless because their life doesn't match how they think it should be

Channel: Motivation Nation

Views: 305,528

Rating: 4.7627907 out of 5

Keywords: motivational video, motivation for 2017, motivational video for 2017, motivation, motivational speech, speech, 2017, motivational, success, inspiration, inspirational video, motivational speeches, motivational speech for success in life, motivational speeches for success, motivational videos 2017, be inspired, motivational videos, tony robbins, tony robbins motivation, tony robbins 2017, tony robbins motivational speech, tony robbins motivational video, tony robbins 2017 motivation

Id: fCjT8kVcpWs

Length: 60min 6sec (3606 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 06 2017