Norm Macdonald Stories

no one better to talk to about show business than norm cuz he's brutally honest about it like I'll try to tell the story quick go ahead when norm had his last - come on [ __ ] yeah he invited me to go the upfront with you know that big thing where they introduced two shows to the advertisers so the head of Fox's guys sandy grew shell right out of Beverly Hills I like permanent and permanent fake smile on display right the head of Fox goes up to norm and it's norm and Jason Bateman who showed premiered and order Fox people goes up to Norman says right in front of me and a bunch of people goes norm I want to let you know that your show is the highest as pit row we've had in Fox history and norm goes wow that's unbelievable well yeah then I think you shall leaves and goes to talk to Jason Bateman so this other executive of Fox's woman Tracy something comes over and goes where's sandy he was just here norm goes he's over there telling Bateman that his shows the highest tested show in the history of another great quick norm story kid are you jameelah Bridget they do a big Rolling Stone article about the kids and they do a big Rolling Stone article about yourself I got a better one so the cast of Saturday Night Live yeah and it's why is everybody kissing each other's ask so they asked norm about Chris Kattan pages of I've never seen someone do better character work moms quotas he seems gay to me I've never met a guy who said he wasn't gay I'm so gay but I guess he says he's not gay so whatever Anthony Jeselnik are you gonna be live-tweeting Last Comic Standing Wednesday at 10:00 p.m. you have to know I died too I think I want I keep thinking that NBC is gonna tell me to stop and they won't is that an assumption that you're just not gonna be asked back I think they still like all we love you did a great job they just had to cut so much of my stuff that I don't know if I would if I could maybe go back but I would just be smarter about it I would just know like my biggest interest was just riffing with norm so I like I wish I hadn't written so many jokes if there was gonna cut all of them and just been kind of loose and screwed around more yeah it's all for time it's really amazing any time you record anything for television you record two hours for a half-hour and it all just winds up these were like a five hour taping so they I'm in a hundred comics and most immune see there are people who get past the first round who they cut out entirely just for time like it's weird how they have to do it I just assumed that they would ignore all the comics and be like we've got this great show with Antonia norm like getting into fights let's show that nah I spin off I thought yeah I thought they've been amazing but I think America thinks that would be amazing I see tweets like that like you guys should have like a sitcom together I don't know he didn't get one of those desks Ferguson Letterman like howden or McDonald not wind up behind one it's he almost like followed conan i think one point that we're gonna happen to him do an after show after conan and now here's Norm Macdonald [Applause] thank you very much ladies gentlemen you do you familiar the Maya they model Kate Upton well apparently she told the London Sun that life would be easier if she had small breasts you know I suppose that's true if by easier she means harder we have a great show now however you know I understand that you had a little trouble your wife last night dinner yeah you know I love she's she's a sassy sassy gal and yeah and she's uh well let's get to her first right please welcome comedy legend Fred Willard [Music] [Applause] [Applause] I love your show I'm doing a great job we might heard you brought a cliff I did let's say luck sure yeah [Applause] I run in the norm we're doing we're doing press like throughout the show we run we were doing Larry King together and Norman I like I loved one but we kind of fought for the first couple episodes like it was uncomfortable and then we figured out how to work together and what are you fighting about just like who's gonna be the funny one it's just two alpha males you know he would make a joke and the audience would get mad at him so I would make fun of him to get the crowd back and he doesn't appreciate that so we're like figuring it out if I go to the ATM machine at night and it's like a white lady getting money on her account I won't get out my car when you're at the ATM machine you're no longer black guy you were a human being that was great almost racist but then you got it right under the bar and and so we're backstage with Larry King and he's got to promote this thing I don't know what I'm gonna talk about some I thought talk about these comics and I can oh let's do this let's say that we had this horrible rivalry and then we hate each other and just talk trash about like things we do to the backstage and like all he's doing how much we hate each other because that's great let's do that so that's really funny and I'm like alright great so I go around for weeks and I'm just throwing norm under the bus talking about how much I hated them or what an awful person he is and norm is completely forgotten that we've made this deal norm is just talking about how nice I am and how funny I am everywhere we go and he still hasn't brought it up to me but I can't I can't think he's happy I can't exactly who wasn't my colleague until just recently so coming up I couldn't really learn anything from him but I learned from watching him on SNL he was on Weekend Update of just that believe in your joke and if the audience doesn't get it you still need to believe in it you know like not every joke has to hit you don't be a crowd pleaser you want to be a great comedian and norm seem to always be going that way so I always looked up to him always always loved him which is why I'm meeting him and getting to work with him was such a huge disappointment I can't exactly we went on together he was like I went on first and then he went on second so I went on and I kind of trashed my money beatable hello he said his favorite Larry King story and I still think this is hilarious is uh someone's talking to Larry King and Larry's like you lost your son right and he was yeah I lost a child and Larry King just goes huh Paul Newman says you never get over it like that's the only way he could relate to someone who lost a child was what Paul Newman said once like hey guys it's completely out of his mind I don't regret doing it but like now one that I'm watching it I'm furious and they don't seem to mind that I'm furious in like a funny way like I'm still promoting the show by going and like slamming it and talking about how great I am and how much better I am than everybody else on the show you know they said they really don't care like have you seen my Twitter but like I live tweet the show and it is it's there borderline war crimes what I'm doing late Wednesday 10:00 p.m. we're all gonna be following Anthony Jeselnik on Twitter as he live tweets Last Comic Standing and then of course norm being at the end chair that's just like just mana from heaven like thank you god that was like why I took the gig was like was to work with norm I was like oh that's amazing what am i any chance like this again let me do this and the way the the way he was on in the taping is so much better than the way they added that it kills me because I think he's really good on the show he's good on the show advice he's good but it was fascinating to see him like unfiltered especially when they took out all the bad comics some of the funniest stuff on that show was when a bad comic comes up and the judges trashed them I'm trash and then like that was really fun and it's all gone they didn't want to embarrass anyone so it's like the one reality show where they don't want the drama and norm was like borderline a monster to people like he would say things that would kill me but I would be like on the floor dying laughing like I would have to take time one of my favorites was he told this one girl he told this one girl he said he said she did fine like the the other two judges that really liked her and this is what happened was like the other two judges would like like the person the crowd liked the person and then no I'm gonna just be like I think you suck and it would be like everyone's like I can't believe you're saying this and I can't believe you're so against the other two judges but so this girl he says she's done finally the judges like her norm says I thought that was horrible I think you were the worst people I've seen this whole competition and I'm like dying laughing then he goes he goes I think that you are incapable of writing a joke and she goes oh I'll work on that she's trying to be nice and saying okay thank you I'll work on that he goes no no don't work on it I said you are incapable was the most like crushing thing he could have said to someone norm I saw the one thing they did get through was a guy that had joke about the Bible and then he compared it to Harry Potter mm-hmm and then norm goes because he's a you know from the the plains of Ontario I believe in norm is a god-fearing man and he goes there you can talk about the Bible you might want to know your your stuff there you know it's maybe really read the book Harry Potter that author is a Christian and then Roseanne I remember went what yeah she couldn't believe like Jake JK Rowling I think your name is like she's a Christian like it was nuts and then no I'm just saying - that guy like that made news like on those weird like Gawker sites or whatever like her McDonald hammers comic but all he said was like if you're gonna do jokes about the Bible you should really know the Bible yeah don't be flippant about this book because it's very important to a lot of people and you're isolating and you're gonna get laughs how Magic Man in the sky like Harry Potter like mmm he but they framed it up like he was destroying people that wasn't the case at all but what you're telling me I mean I would have want you bang your foot down on the floor I actually got into an argument on the subway and the guy quoted the Bible at me that is not fair like you get a quote from your favorite book I failed to quote from my favorite book right he was like men do not live on bread alone Matthews for four and it's like everybody's a little bit magic Harry Potter Chapter seven brave at all I I think if you don't take on an entire religion you should maybe know what you're talking about JK Rowling is a Christian and JK Rowling famously said that if you're familiar with the scriptures you could easily guess the ending of her book I don't like it Norma Donald nor that was a weird dude no kidding yeah he really is he was hilarious like he did this like weird thing where he went up but he was just be like he wouldn't curse he cause so is the same like all what the age and he was being like this these innocent sweet jokes like you know Bob if you walk up to a bathroom and the door says gentlemen you should ignore that and proceed in any way yeah he really made me laugh and who is one fly where you baby left because uh Bob he's the same stinker stinker ya know there are times when Bob has something on his mind when he wears a hat but no thoughts at all just a hat the other bob has a beautiful face like a flower yeah cauliflower no offense but your face looks like a cauliflower and Bob is not very worldly he thinks the English Channel is a British TV station and not a body of water separating England and France Bob you have a lot of well-wishers here tonight and a lot of them would like to throw you down one well they want to murder you in a well seems a little harsh but apparently they want to murder you in a well it says here on this card and Bob isn't the biggest sports fan I don't think I'm telling any tales out of school I took him to him I took him to a ball game and he came toting a double-barreled shotgun you remember that I said what the H is that for Bob said I heard the lions were playing the Tigers remember that yeah do you worry when when you're in the audience at the ESPYs that somebody's gonna make fun of you absolutely about the athletes for the most part have pretty fixed I think so too so I think it's different Jimmy if I make fun of an athlete at least I've kind of been there when it get made fun of by like a unathletic comedian it's kind of like like I'm trying to think of some examples yeah but like someone on it Donald yeah right like I know I'm a goner and he became the first defensive player to win the Heisman Trophy congratulations Charles that is something that no one can ever take away from you unless you kill your wife and a waiter in which case [Applause]

Channel: I'm not Norm

Views: 1,361,421

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Id: 9SQCH_xTbHw

Length: 14min 31sec (871 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 08 2019