Narcissistic Relationships | 5 Strategies

[Music] watch this full series at the links in the description below and subscribe to our YouTube channel to watch new mental health videos every week a med circle Kyle Kittleson here with calli the lab and of course dr. Romani thanks for being here cue now today we're talking about narcissistic relationships and we have an entire series that we just filmed on med circle all about the different narcissists in your life whether that's a co-worker a family a friend a boss maybe even your dog but I want you to say in the comments section below who is the narcissist in your life because we all have one as you say some people don't but then we'll get into what that really means because I actually think we all do have one just maybe someone you don't know or something you don't recognize got it so what do why do narcissistic relationships deserve such special attention well you know typically we have talked about the intimate relationship Kyle we're gonna go beyond that and we're gonna talk about the fact that it goes beyond that into parents adult children co-workers bosses friends in-laws siblings like our relationships take in a lot of territory so you may be married to an angel or dating a sweetheart but it's someone else in your life the techniques are a little bit different they have a different impact but there are some universals and once people can get understand those universals one thing the series isn't really going to do is get into how to apply these universal tools to each of these kinds of individual relationships right so one of the big differences I can already see is that when you are in a relationship relationship with a narcissist you might you have the option to leave that relationship yes yes yes but you don't have the option to not have your mother right you know you're always going to have your mother right so that's much more difficult it's much more difficult it's much more it's trickier I mean obviously a romantic partner raises lots of other practical issues but also keep in mind it's a different level of responsibility you chose the romantic partner in many cases in many cases maybe not all but you didn't choose your mom you didn't choose your dad you didn't you boss in some cases you know you're in loss so a lot of these other relationships they feel like they were foisted upon you or that's just sort of this is your feels almost fatalistic right a partner a friend those kind of feeling I got myself into this mess didn't I so yeah there's a different kind of responsibility like I said but there are some universals all right so what are some key strategies of managing narcissistic relationships so there are some key strategies the key strategies are you know number one above all else it is the single most important strategy which is maintaining realistic expectations that's everything because if you can do that you don't get surprised yeah you don't get shocked yes you you may still get disappointed but maybe not as much right right and so you're kind of like that's just them being them you know and you're not what do you mean you know and think why it rains I mean if you live in Seattle or rains great things why are you surprised by this so the realistic expectations can help you mentally prepare frankly sort of physically prepare do the things you need to do to get ready for an interaction and not feel as devastated on the back end because invariably narcissists are gonna let you down or even worse be abusive or unkind or cool so that's number one number two and I should almost say this last but I'm gonna lead with it is radical acceptance mmm this is it that's hard you better believe it's hard but it's everything yeah anyway and why didn't you say radical acceptance and not just accept it because radical acceptance is this is ain't this is it it ain't changing mm-hmm this is it we did a series on narcissistic personality disorder from med circle and one thing you said in there was use you said when people come to me and say well he's so unpredictable you said what do you mean narcissists are the most predictable people in the world yeah yes they are predictable and I think what's there you can predict their unpredictability in a way so it's it's that it's that peace so that's number two okay number three is don't engage I know that's a hard one okay so it's a the hard part about not engaging is like I have to talk to this person you have to talk to them but don't give them too much rope yeah so keep your answers trim and slim don't render yourself vulnerable don't walk into what I call sort of those danger zones that are invariably where you guys end up kind of going down the wormhole like really kind of keep it tight and superficial I tell people prepare a list of topics you got the weather you got can you believe the team changed their baseball hats to green you got the can you believe they're selling Turkey for only this much a pound like is it uninteresting it sure is uninteresting it'd be too bad heck out of a soul sapping argument because I you can even see people gear up yep for an interaction with a narcissist they go well here they come and I'm gonna go to battle and you can't win it would be like putting me in the ring with a heavyweight boxer yeah I'm gonna be out after one punch so I'm not gonna try that that's where the boxer is strong okay yeah and that's that sort of the those kinds of contentious are argumentative situations are the narcissist strong spot that's there it's really is erina and they're really good there I also tell people when you're dealing with narcissist don't defend yourself the temptation is to defend and explain no no remember this and I did that and bah bah bah and bah bah bah okay they're not going on facts to start with like they're going on their version of the truth so if somebody accuses me of something I clearly did not do or clearly did not say to a defendant is actually giving some credence to what they just said so let's say let's say I'm a narcissist and we decided that we were gonna film today at 9:00 a.m. and then you show up at 9:00 and I go where were you we said we were gonna film today at 8:00 mm-hmm the best thing you can do is say you know it's interesting I had it down here and my phone is nine but it's quite possible I could have been wrong I'm hearing let's go ahead and begin don't know no it was a here's a text here so this the Deaf Papa you know I could get really worked up but then if I know what I'm dealing with yeah it's the gas lighting you know again you know I gas lighting only works if I'm gas slidable yes whoa gas lighting only works if you're gas light to a bowl so if I know I'm dealing with a narcissist I know they're gonna guess like me realistic expectations radical acceptance so when you do it to me I honestly think inside the formula works again yes yes oh that's comforting next technique boundaries boundaries boundaries yes boundaries mean lots of things to lots of people they are sort of psychological lines in the sand you know I and part of it is that not engaging it's being you know it's understanding when you need to leave the conversation that's a big part of boundary setting it's huge because what happens is so many people maintain so much hope for these relationships today is gonna be different this Christmas is going to be different this date is going to be different my birthday this year is going to be different it's not mm-hmm okay so having the boundary we're gonna end at this time I'm gonna stay in a hotel whatever it is the boundary becomes key and it becomes enforceable at some level but at a minimum even if you can't enforce it hardcore with the narcissist it's a line in the sand in your mind mm-hmm another piece of engagement with or having any kind of a managing I should say a relationship with a narcissist also comes down to your how you manage sort of the backend of it okay it's exhausting and it's easy to ruminate and obsess when you say the backend you mean you're done with the interaction okay like how you recover from those nice Thanksgiving dinner with your mom and you can't stop thinking about it uh-huh in some ways she behaved like she behaved for the previous 35 Thanksgiving right so I think that it's the I can't believe this that goes back to the realistic expectations right so there is a whole host of ways that people do all of these tools work I have worked with so many clients because that you know I do a lot more a lot of short-term consultation with clients who want to sort of understand this in their specific life situation and they'll bring it to me and we'll have it tackled in 15 minutes just using these techniques and then they'll practice them they write it all on their phone and they'll say this works life change this yeah these are narcissist acts they work but you have to tweak them a little yes based on the kind of specific relationship the person is in so what works with a neighbor or in-law may not work with a mother or an adult child right right well let's give our viewers a look at this series on narcissism and what they can expect take a look at this a lot of people get lost in like I think our statistic I gotta figure this out as though they're giving a diagnosis right the adjective by itself is not diagnostic if you really experience from this parent that they were difficult and selfish and cruel with you know just there was an antagonistic quality to them maybe I also help you circle that drain and say yeah your parents seem narcissistic it almost doesn't matter if it felt like that emotionally distant and invalidating and controlling a childhood doesn't matter it was still a miserable experience and it's definitely something that shaped you and that's the key a parent shapes us so now your personality is being shaped by a person who likely devalued emotion I would say that over 90 percent of people who grew up in narcissistic family systems walk around with the mantra I am not enough haunting them for the rest of their lives you can watch that entire series and other series by dr. Romani at Med circle calm and just so you're aware we go over managing a narcissistic relationship with a parent siblings a child and in-law a friend a co-worker I mean anybody in your life who could possibly be a narcissist we cover and I also wanted to share this with you on camera I haven't told dr. Romani this yet I on Instagram said I was meeting with you yesterday and I asked them if they had any questions about narcissism and this Bodhi said or Dominique said thanks to med circle and dr. Romani I don't have any questions anymore thank you so much that is powerful when you can go into a relationship and be solid with the tools in your belt with the education and knowledge that you have that is power well I mean that one member of our med circle team here once came up to me and said now that you taught me to see this I can't unsee this and that when she said that to me it was really really powerful because it reminds me that once we do have some knowledge you know whatever it is from when we're children all the way through adulthood that sometimes just knowing these things we should be teaching this in school apps until then that circle is gonna have to be what's deaf until then you got so make sure you leave a comment below letting us know who the relationship or who in your life could possibly be a narcissist and also give this a nice thumbs up it helps us spread the word on narcissism and help spread dr. Romney's amazing insight and education I'm Kyle Kittleson remember whatever you're going through you got this thanks for watching if you like what you just saw then why not subscribe click right here for new episodes and new series every week and to access exclusive mental health videos that we only release at Med circle com check out the links below [Music] you

Channel: MedCircle

Views: 702,619

Keywords: narcissistic relationship, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic mother, personality disorder, narcissistic, relationships, npd, how to spot a narcissist, personality, narcissists, self-esteem, gaslighting, ramani durvasula, dr. ramani, kyle kittleson, medcircle, dating a narcissist, narcissist relationship, expert, anger, psychopath, sociopath, signs of narcissism, psychology, psychologist, educational videos, interview, discussion, video, youtube

Id: OenGWjq9s08

Length: 12min 41sec (761 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 22 2019