My wife cheated on me but thinks it doesn't count because it happened before our wedding

[Music] the time frame is important here we have been married for three years we were together as a couple for two years before that so we've been together for about five years two weekends ago her sister got married and of course my wife was in the wedding party so as you would expect she spent the two weeks prior to the wedding helping her sister get everything ready no big deal at all she kept me informed and i knew this was going to happen she took that wednesday friday off of work to help her and in fact stayed with her three days i certainly know her sister but i barely know the guy who is now my brother-in-law in fact only met him a few times but he seems nice enough i show up saturday morning a few hours before the ceremony in hopes of stealing just a few minutes to see her not wanting to intrude on the day since i know she is busy but i hadn't seen her since tuesday she sees me outside of her parents house and sends her brother out to tell me that she will come out and see me at the car which i thought was odd but whatever she finally comes out and sits in the seat next to me and gives me a kiss but instead of acting happy to see me or whatever she tells me that she has to talk to me and she doesn't want it to ruin her sister's day she informs me that at the reception if i still want to go i might hear some things about the best man and her and she didn't want it to be awkward or weird i just kind of sat there stunned she said that about four years ago she had a fling with him and that it didn't mean anything but she was aware that by nature i'm somewhat jealous and she wanted me to know in advance so that if i heard something that i wouldn't be surprised again i just kind of sat there this was not how i thought my morning would go but i told her i appreciated knowing it and that it certainly wasn't a big deal now she went back in the house and i went to eat lunch and decided to meet her at the church as i'm eating and reading my phone adorns on me she said she had a fling with him four years ago and we've been together five my first reaction was to blow it off and think that she just told me the wrong time but the more i thought about it the more i started to remember about a year and a half of us being together she had a phase where she was really sketchy about her behavior wasn't available when she normally was and went on two weekend camping trips that were with friends from work of course i'm a little knotted up over this but i know i have a long day ahead of me i go to the wedding and sit there watching everything after the wedding they have a line that you walk by and congratulate the bride and groom and the wedding party is standing in line as well my wife is standing with some other guy i don't know him at all but the best man was there and i just went down the line and acted like no big deal get to the reception and it takes forever for them to come because of photos she finally gets there and sits with me i decided not to say anything as i didn't want to distract from the day but instead of just letting it go she then tells me that each of the groomsmen and bridesmaids are going to dance and that she is going to be dancing with him i ask why when she was not his partner for the party and she said that the maid of honor and her partner were actually married and wanted to dance with each other at this point i'm a little more than perturbed but i try and not let it show thankfully i was smart enough to not drink because i freely admit i'm an angry drunk so i know when not to even partake she talks to everyone around her and then the dance comes and he comes over and extends his arm and she gets up i try not to watch and in fact i make it a point not to she comes back with him in tow and they are joking like the best of friends she decides that it would be a good idea to introduce us and while i didn't say to duck off like i wanted to my greeting to him was probably then cordial but it did not deter him from sitting and talking with her for a few minutes the more they sat and talked and reminisced about old times and places the matter i got eventually i got up and went to the bathroom and when i came back he was gone she decided to tell me that she thought i was rude which was not what i was all about hearing at the moment i told her that this wasn't the time or place to talk about it but rest assured we would talk later she sat there and then said that she was going to change cloths and as soon as she got back she was telling her sister that we were leaving because i had ruined her day but she didn't want me to ruin her sister's day as well i told her that i was perfectly capable of not being a bother to her or her sister the rest of the day and that i did not want to be the cause of any drama so i would prefer to just stay she went and changed clothes and then came back all in a half now understand i have not said a word to her i even shook the other guy's hand i guess i just looked miserable so that is what she was basing this off of she was adamant about not staying and so i said that if she really wanted to go we could go but if she would rather stay i would be happy to stay or if she would like since i came in my own car i would leave so she could stay she at first said that we should stay but then said if i couldn't act any better i should leave i asked how i was acting and she said it was obvious i was trying to be like a silverback gorilla wanting to fight i didn't know whether to laugh at her face or be offended i went back in and sat down while she mingled with the other guest i talked with her brother for a while but then ultimately ended up back at our table talking with her grandma we leave at the same time and i arrived home just before she did i was sitting in the living room waiting on her when she came in and did not beat around the bush i simply asked her to re-tell me the story about this other guy and she said it word for word like before after sitting and looking at her for a time i just said are you sure about the time frame and she said she was i then reminded her that we had been together for five years so this thing was well over a year into our being together what happened next i can't really put into words instead of being flustered or denying or anything she simply said i know so i asked her to explain and she tells me that they work together and that it was just a physical thing and she felt like we weren't in a great place at the time and that she never had any feelings for him and never had any real intentions of leaving me she just was having some fun for a few weekends she said that it was probably a mistake on her part to tell me now that she didn't want me to get blindsided i did not take this the way she thought i would i guess we had a very large argument and ended when she told me i was being a child about all of this that we were married and this happened way before that and our life together now has nothing to do with him or that time well two things one i adamantly disagree about this has no bearing on us she ducking cheated on me and doesn't even have the goddamn decency to feel guilty about it do i hate being told i'm childish when i get upset over something it peed me off to no end because that is her way of acting superior to me i told her i needed time to think and she told me there was nothing to think about we loved each other and this didn't change anything that was two weeks ago and i still am not over it she has been trying the past few days to get me to talk to her but i admit that for whatever reason i'm not viewing her the same as i did before this part of me is like that this is stupid it happened a few years ago and we are married now and there hasn't been any problems at all but then part of me is like i just found out she cheated on me and it hurts like a mother ducker and what makes it worse is that instead of trying to understand how i feel she is trying to guilt me into just not even thinking about it i don't know what to do i'm sorry for the length i probably should have cut out some of the wedding stuff but it all came out at once first i want to clarify something from my first post that i really did not spell out very well it doesn't have any real bearing on anything but for some reason it bugs me that i made this part sort of murky the maid of honor not my wife was married to the groomsmen who my wife walked down the aisle with there were some people who felt my wife was trying to arrange the dance but i do know for fact that this part was legit however it doesn't mean she didn't try and offer to let them dance or any other form of manipulation but i just wanted to try and clear that part up a little i'm here because i have gotten honest to god over 40 requests for an update since last week thank you for your guys concern on this and i wish i had some really ballsy statement to make about how i stood tall and kicked her to the curb but sadly that is just not what happened to be blunt i'm in limbo there have been developments but all they have done is make it harder for me to decide last week i was mostly angry then as the weekend progressed i became mostly sad i want to be able to hate her and flip that switch that tells me i'm being walked on and i'm a sucker but it's just very hard for me to do that because i still love her and this is ripping me apart here is what has happened of any consequence she finally came to the realization that i was not going to just get over this this then brought her to the realization that i might want out of the marriage this then brought on only a nervous breakdown from her someone hell a lot from the first post stated that she would try and manipulate me like that and believe me i was taking those words to heart when i thought she was having crocodile tears but it soon became apparent to me that she wasn't acting or faking she was having a legitimate panic attack this led to an er visit and that led to an overpass stay in the hospital and then to new medications and a scheduled follow-up with her doctor for later next week this brought her family into it and that in turn led to long conversations all the way around when we got home with her family in tow i asked what she wanted to do since there was a house full of people and she said she wanted to be with her mom for a while that was fine with me as i had no desire to hang around all day with her dad or sister so i said i was going to go finish up something at work and would be home later two hours after i get there i get a text from her begging me to please come home and that she really needs me to talk with her so i finish up what i was doing and head home i'm greeted on my own front porch by her dad who asks if he can talk to me for a minute my anger level was already somewhat high but i was ready to go to war if she had dumped a sack of lies on me with her dad i mean it's not like he and i are best friends and shh but i've never had a bad moment with him so i really wasn't going to be happy about being the bastard who broke his baby's heart we set on our deck chairs and he ducking floored me with his opening salvo i was expecting to hear anything but what he said he said that she told them what had happened and that he wanted to apologize to me because he said that he felt like he did a realist job as a parent and that this means that that she had was really a creation of her mothers and that while he loved both of them he said they were wrong and he had told his wife years ago that telling the girls that whatever happens before marriage doesn't count was a horrible idea and value system to install in them he then said that he wasn't there to stand up for what his daughter did but he just wanted me to be aware that what she was saying and how she was acting was simply because she honestly believed that being married was an entirely different life and that they mom and dad had romanticized marriage to the point that she wasn't understanding real life basically he was kind of throwing his wife under the bus but again this is not what i was expecting at all we shook hands and he said that no matter what i decided he still thought very highly of me which honestly made me feel really good for that moment i then went inside and my wife is curled up in a ball on her mom's lap and you can tell she has been crying the entire time i've been gone mom gets up and comes and hugs me and tells me she is sorry and that she loves me and she is praying that we can work this out my wife is laid out on the couch at this point her mom and dad leave and she sits there looking at me and crying okay this is where i'm going to pee off everybody and just tell you that i couldn't take it i went to her and we hugged for a long time with her telling me over and over how sorry she was hey i know it was the weak thing to do but again i have to say in my defense that just before this incident occurred i loved her with all of my heart and would have done anything to not see her in pain whatever she had done i still didn't want to see her like that look it's very possible that she was putting on an oscar-worthy acting job but i don't honestly think so she really seemed broken at that point in time after a while when she calmed down i asked her what she wanted me to come home and talk about and she said she wanted to get everything out in the open so i didn't feel like i was being lied to or manipulated so she wanted me to ask her questions and i wish i had written down a list but i came up with a few off the top of my head she was brutally honest with me and some of the questions i asked i probably shouldn't have because now the mental image is stuck in there but honestly it was there anyway i just now have confirmation first i asked for dates or at the very least approximate dates i didn't tell her about the engagement concern i had because i didn't want her to change stories and she remembered exactly when they occurred fortunately this happened a little earlier in our relationship than she told me initially and so we were not engaged when this happened i can't tell you what a relief that was because i became physically ill when i thought about that when someone said it in my last post second i asked how many times she went overboard with this because instead of just telling me how many different dates she decided to tell me how many times there was penetration she wasn't doing it to be mean she honestly thought that is what i wanted to know this part of the conversation did not help me any at all and in fact almost broke me down in truth it wasn't that often and in fact there were really only three different days it happened on but there were several times during those three days then came the hard part why did she do it okay again i'm not the most manly of men and i'm ashamed to admit this but i couldn't get this out without starting to cry i asked why wasn't i good enough why him why did she not just leave me it was her turn to hold me because at this point everything came rushing at me her telling me me having to watch them laugh with each other are now telling me how many times they did it and where they did it she talked during this but to this moment i have no idea what she said i was too upset and honestly nothing she was going to say was going to make a bit of difference anyway but after i composed myself i simply told her that the betrayal was horrible but honestly her response to me when i found out was just as bad if not worse she agreed with me and she apologized for calling me a mature she said that she honestly believed that it wouldn't matter to me now because we were married when she said this my blood started to boil again i started to say something about it but she jumped in and said that after talking with her parents she now sees that this was very wrong of her and that cheating is cheating but she still feels like that our happiness that we have shared since being married should count for something i then replied that i kind of felt like that happiness was built on a lie this led to another breakdown on her part and almost another er visit but between that even and having her breath into a paper sack we got her calmed down i'll let her sleep the rest of the night feeling like emotionally we were both tired but come sunday we were talking again by this time i wasn't as sympathetic as i had been when we got home from the er i told her that i thought her introducing him to me was me having to watch her dance with him was extras and the fact that she only told me because she was going to get court was an elite level of which then i demanded to know why did she think i would find out and how many of the ducking people at the wedding knew besides me well obviously the guy knew but then his best friend in the world also knew did i mention that ducker is now my brother-in-law which then led to her sister finding out and she was afraid her sister was going to be the one to tell me i asked how often she sees this guy and she said that the wedding is the first time she has seen him in three years then i lost maesh and asked her if she ducked him during any of the lead up to the wedding she got all about it acting like she wouldn't duck anyone because she was married and i just lost my sh and had to leave for a while because once again i felt like she was living on married planet or some such in the world there is a different place than for the rest of us i finally got cooled off enough to come home and try and be civil about things she finally asked me what she could do to help me get past all of this which may not sound like much but it was the first time she offered to help me really so it was at least a nice gesture i told her i wasn't sure what she could do or if there was anything either of us could do and that i may never get over this she said that she wanted to help because she didn't want to see me in pain and that over the years she hopes i'll be able to judge her based on who she is now she would do anything i wanted to work this out she also wanted to be sure that i knew that she has been 100 faithful since we've been married and would never cheat on her vows i sarcastically thanked her which i admit wasn't the most mature thing to do i then asked for a moratorium from further talks till at least wednesday i have two projects i have to get done and honestly i'm just exhausted and no i have no ducking clue what i want to do i shift between periods of red hot anger where i want to kick her out and then periods of deep emotional turmoil where i want to just forget this and move forward with her yes i know this is not what anyone wanted to hear and no i'm not proud to type it but it is what it is at the moment [Music] [Music] you

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit wedding, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit girl, askreddit wedding, askreddit, r/, r/ girl, r/ wedding, r/entitled parents, reddit wife, reddit marriage, r/ wife, r/ marriage, askreddit wife, askreddit marriage

Id: KV4EVGNYZcg

Length: 19min 21sec (1161 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 14 2020