MST3k 623 - The Amazing Transparent Man

we can't control other science fact he do yourself show I should be just me Mystery Science Theater 3000 hi there welcome to the satellite of love hey this here's my science project servo let me out I think I'm having some sort of reaction to Apple man either bro yes this here is the crown jewel of my insect collection protists Robo does horriblest this arrow servo I need it no things wrong and deadly mandibles he wants this laughs stay tuned after a commercial break well Terra's wings off and burn him with a magnifying glass ready good she's out good by the way look oh great terrific you're not just saying that oh yeah I feel kind of bloated oh that's just the formaldehyde trust me you're a fine specimen servo my god I don't believe this well a black bandit holla Molina do you have any idea how rare those are yeah their capital I don't mean to interrupt but I believe the Mads are calling your without really though I'm fast I mean we're in this kind of an area to you find watery well our bed-and-breakfast seems to be taking off as you can see the bed is completely filled tit barb rise and shine time to get up now come on get up get up come on come on come on well well well good morning and welcome to aunt emic Frank's tangle berry is oh that's a big break you can't be quite a start there what a nice cheery wake-up call hi trust you'll be joining us for breakfast Oh may we yes according to the brochure the tangle berry breakfast are to die for well what and he met Frank why don't you fetch one of your scrumptious breakfast for Barb and Ted good hey you know what are we having oh don't ask honey I want to be surprised right sweets ha ha ha now clay you want to make Frank do you uh are you partners yes we're ah ah no no um what exactly do we have no made no me I'll heat it up for you if you like some like it - oh no no no please no don't bother you know what I tell you we're actually more interested in maybe taking a look around getting to know the area yeah soaking it a little at the local color yeah the local color yes we understand you have a llama oh the llama we'd love to pet the long yes yes yes it Mike did you guys put on the stuff I sent up to you it's time for the local color Oh as you folks want to touch so um huh huh that's right huh you want to touch this Oh llama oh you just go right ahead you can touch the llama all you want you can touch the lava all night till hell freezes over not me though huh no siree Bob I wouldn't touch that whole thing well I'm heading and feeling so good smells funny too low it's know really kind of rank you know but you can touch it if you want ain't no law says you can't eat that right Mikey ain't there no laws that says folks can't touch this smelly old llama if they want huh Mikey huh huh you people bring matches for Mikey you're shut up Mikey you shut up you folks don't give no messes - Mikey you hear me ya hear me I don't care what Mike you say you're my kid you don't get me no matter I don't care Mike into from a window Oh Ted barb what's going to side the guest book I want to write something cute a nicety chatting please out you'll pay for this Nelson I was going to let you watch over they in but not anymore no no instead you'll visit with a very inhospitable amazing transparent man with that in your lava and smell it you give me this well it doesn't mean you can stop Union Pacific makes the best movie she dies this is my story mr. reason is along the best cast at Union Pacific has to offer if there's a Reverend in it you know it's got to be good amen quite a coup getting Francois flank to do the music Herman Boxer and Joseph Anson good'd Babaloo Mandel and Lowell cans of their time whiter shade of pale go in peace to love and serve Union Pacific so we have 70 days in each year we're going to have to go a long way to get back to train safety our car is kind of a downer to the top with brakeman Estrada's greatest hits what let's visit sister Bertrille it is written in the Old Testament to each of us this allotment of years threescore and ten I sure tore through mine and in these years there is the time of man yes--she me died huh I had fulfill his destiny to work together with his fellow man in the wonderfully complex pattern of everyday life they really captured the complexity of time to be born oh yeah time to grow to become aware of the loveliness of all things living chair this beats having friends in the call of youth to you to learn the happiest lesson of all dishes that the fullness of life can only be tasting it when our happiness is shared with other yeah alright go dad you a time of maturity to reflect it all sir likes doing it or at everything yes this is the heritage to which we are born the blessings to which we may all look forward really going through the funerals yet here in my parish there are some who can only look back I hate them they are the victims unable to reap the full enjoyment of the days of their year Chief Justice Earl Warren layout of victims of himself by he my church is in a railroad town not far from a big freight terminal and repair shop all mine in my congregation are railroad people in every capacity when he thinks loud not one who is in safety conscious not one who wasn't drunk accident haters all of us hating the waste the pain the neatest the filth that is humanity yet try as we may do what we will there comes a time I'm bigger than Jesus no the Reverend is killed again ironically the ambulance driver hit four people on the way there Oh a fellow worker hurt get out of town accident lover or get hardened to a site like this I had an accident too but it isn't only what happens to the man in the ambulance there's another story behind most accident communism the story of what happens to the others the doctor's wife had died he paused to sue I'd say I've got sort of an inside track when it comes to knowing the inside story behind an accident it strikes me that the ones who are hurt most are the carelessness that causes accidents are the ones who weren't even there I didn't hate accidents enough I often stop by here for a cup of coffee that's really interesting ever I do I'm reminded of the things that happened to the people who weren't even there oh sure huh I reread the story in the sad eyes of the girl who serves me and it really pisses me off yes I'm ready this is Helen I know and although she has never been in an accident she acts like she helen is nevertheless an accident victim thank you my pancakes her eyes were not always sorrowful once they were bright and shiny her coat glossy yes I remember how those eyes used to glow whenever Helen thought about Jo Jo Tendler what's about Xander those days Jo was about his average a young fellow as you'd be like you to meet two sounds groans easygoing good company prone to violence he hadn't a complaint in the world well maybe one complaint he was getting a little tired of being a bachelor eating on the run cleaning up your own place if you got around to it but all that was due for a change pretty soon he'd chosen his new law as Jo is a pretty lucky guy a good job as Road electrical Foreman wonderful girl who wanted nothing in the world more than to be mrs. Jo so his name is Jo Jo I guess on his way to the job that morning Joe had to stop by to see Helen there was something he'd forgotten to give her last night a taste of the spoiler that's for the coffee it's a front of all these people behave the her but of course Joe was behaving the way any lucky happy young fellow about to be married would behave it was only natural Joe had to take off in a hurry to reach that job on time yet a lot more women to kiss on his route that and Helen well she was on the job and her face had that glad look I'll always remember my man is average it made people feel good just watching her feeling good she went through the motion I'm watching you feel good though she was quick and sure and competent and everything she did she spit in the air really a million miles away from that little restaurant mr. and mrs. Joe toast million miles away in a dream world all girl come over to this side obey that toaster that dream world had everything a church complete with ministers saying the proper word were getting sleepy I was flattered to be a part of Helens dream there was a ring in it and of course a beautiful dress in Vail for Joe and I had some groove in me of course and when the ceremony was over there was the first of many many kisses in my version things went a lot further yes this was Helens very own dream and she was going to make it worth dreaming well I gotta get back to my shift honey she wasn't skimping on anything she dreamed of tract housing there was that perfectly scrumptious model how she'd been wanting for all these years squalor contemporary it was exactly as she'd imagined and here they were and what was the sense in waiting plan five four motors fail the fastest sale on record and while she was dreaming she'd furnished that house that very afternoon so Joe could read his evening paper on that pretty couch that very night where's my damn dinner he could take that paper away it'll close hmm she dreamed of everything any dreamy young girl had ever dreamed before their inhale of crackling fire of dimmed lights of love they should have had a train singing here her dreams Helen miss Jo when he was gone that was so incredibly averey he was a clever dreamer so she arranged for Little Joe to be there to keep her from getting lonesome when daddy was away speaking of Acts a beginning of a new life but the end of a dream hmm yeah okay a diaper the toasting butter the baby Advil but on the job late in the afternoon of that day the real-life Joe was in a real-live hurry he hadn't seen his Helen since early that morning where chital I man come on you guys get a move on let's get out of here he might have been heard to say do the impatient Joe the men seemed almost purposely stalling as they stowed their gear Joe smelled conspiracy in everything and now the wheels of fate set in motion call them the wheels of fate or the wheels of chance hold them Ernie considered Manorville wheel was in the driver's seat any case it involved a wheel it was Joe who was calling the turn of the wheel Oh Joe is the king of the world he went through a stop sign better take it easy Joe it's out of my head Reverend Joe stirs for danger seems quite real the others they were along for the ride whether they liked it or not liked it they hated flag on the moon they do they were trapped and he just couldn't get there fast for those two scoops of raisins oh not again Joe that's your standard crash now it was payoff time one who was still able to move to still able to move they had escaped the trap was an average accident their threescore and ten were still before them give or take a score but the trap had sprung on Joe serum yeah right yes now it was payoff time such are the wages of sex easygoing Joe Templar was trapped in his own juicer Joe became in avant-garde after a year in that neck brace Joe wasn't quite such good company as he used to be but the word said for better or for worse in sickness or in health you take this bionic man or Joe tried to call it off but a girl like Helen doesn't run out there was quite a difference between Helens dream and the reality there'd be quite a difference between living with the dream jobs and the real their honeymoon at Six Flags is gonna be real fun hey Joe ah it needn't have happened at all it could have married me look at this button I found in the collection plate there are many days in the years left for Joe to men for George price there are fewer hey you're dead yet the days George does have left our embittered days flavorless beautiful get off my land you pyre son of a George the sound of that approaching car as it nears the house across the street rods back into his memory a scene he is fought to erase but then so does every other sound scene he cannot forget he's having a great day this is Lennie bellows the boy across the street the boy who once was like a son to George just across the street where everyday George can't possibly help seeing him better go buy some salt tell everyday George remember when he was good friends with Dean Rusk George remembers how it was in the happy days for the price in bellos family eaten sandwich Fred bellows Lenny's father and George good neighbors good friend and nickel I'd spend hours figuring the fun they'd have on their retirement pay we the trips they take together the wonderful places they'd see it would be soon let's go on a Hawaiians ex-wives had waited patiently through all the long years of railroad service 20 down to college it was all planned there wasn't a cloud in the bright blue sky of their future then I showed up 42 years of good honest work George was proud of those years George proud of the strength and stamina that had kept him going but today somehow he didn't feel so good and when it was time to go back to work George wondered whether he was going to be able to make it George you're hilarious ladies the last few weeks he hadn't been quite up to snuff diarrhea is like a funny notice he hadn't mentioned it probably just indigestion hey I have a massive coronary on your own time he could only hold out until retirement time it says 5 o'clock today but now he had a job to do and nobody was going to say George Price gave up on the job George fries gave up on a job era sentence so as Fred bellows climbed up to go back to his job George went back to his robust and cheerful as ever more voice whispered the court sink get a relief man don't be a fool George kill your parents but George had a job to do when he was going to stick to it whoo Radley waived him on so there was George and Fred bill said absolutely they call him the derailleur well what's with Georgie Georgie shouldn't look autumn maybe isin her work Georgia this is one of your pranks terribly died minutes before his time good one George George tried to go to Fred bellows few but Baywatch was a doctor said no you don't walk around two days after a heart attack why couldn't you've killed the guy two doors down I couldn't keep him away from the window he watched Grace and Lenny and Squiggy Lenny who wouldn't be going to college this fall cuz he's dumb or any fool can you bring me back a program who face the future of grief and loneliness boring they're my problem went away all right let's get this guy planted they'll circle George's house a few times then go on to the cemetery that was over three years ago George hasn't moved George still can't get around very well Lenny bellows still lives across the street no he's long gone yet his simplest actions have become too George signs of rejection and hatred you know staring off into space hasn't been as exciting as I thought it would be there George price is doomed to stay across a little Street a thousand miles wide now let's get to the dismemberment as I said before most of my congregation are railroad people I know the road does everything in its power to prevent accidents see that equipment and working procedures in the shops are as safe as it's possible to make them by constant reminders to keep the men aware of the life-and-death importance of observing safety rules see our elaborate safety system yet still they come this is needle Kwan's who forget even for the barest fraction of a second but with safety there are no second chances oh well who needs fingers not all trips to the hospital though are necessarily disastrous just mine for example there was the trip Charlie O'Neill made with his wife that was about the happiest trip Charlie ever took he and Sue had been looking forward to a three years waiting hoping for a PAP smiley and happy there'd be a new little O'Neal along any minute now Charlie was so happy he forgot everything else well almost everything he almost forgot his ventriloquist might take a while and he might as well go back to work this has nothing to do with you go on on the way to the shop he remembered something he had to go kiss Helen it was just about the last thing he did remember that day cigar he was going to Ernie Kovacs house they weren't going to catch Charley off base when the big news came Charlie was close now you could smell him he hoped it wouldn't be too long before he could break them up so he disrobed there was a phone call coming he told the foreman a big one please get it to him fast when it came yeah I get back to work Charley did remember one more thing that day to take proper care getting Bill's attention gentle pressure on the shoulders always not to start a soft kiss on the neck that hissing open flame is deadlier than any snake Charley knew it every man who works a torch knows when you come near him you come up smooth you don't make any sudden motion I have no idea what I'm doing Picasso's woman looks like a baboon this was it phone call for Charlie Charlie does fur run in your family someone brought doughnuts yes yes a boy nine pounds wow I've got great sperm you can forgive Charlie for being excited who wouldn't be a newborn father is one of the most excitable people in the whole world other than the father at the time of conception you can forgive Charlie for passing out cigars during work hours even though he knew he should have waited till lunch you should have waited til lunch Tad's although you can even forgive Charlie for what happened next for that one instant of final fatal forget alan arkin why am i welding why would I be welding to this I don't know understand you don't have to hold it there fool well now he's to go and burn and forgive Charlie for everything and you can understand how it happened yet I wanted punished one thing you cannot do put your elbow and your you cannot change it it is done and there is nothing you can say to Charlie except gentle Prentiss said it all to himself many times you're a nice puppy you said that he was careless that it could have been avoided that he knew better use your bottle he only forgot for a second one tiny sick and in every case charlie is right but still the thing is done come over the fence man I'm Holly here ever seen his baby son or the five mrs. Buchanan Charlie never will so the leading causes of accidents are joy sacks and old age it is written in the Old Testament to each of us this allotment of years threescore and ten and there's a psalm about well fed up literally it says that the days of our years number twenty five thousand five hundred and sixty-seven a trivial accident might take away one or two of those days a serious one might take away a hundred or a thousand a disastrous one would be cooled why suddenly there might be no days left at all America's favorite Deacon of death hey we're trying to film here the Lord has allotted them mm-hmm let not man by his thoughtlessness diminish the blessings of the law ironically the Reverend was maimed and crippled giving communion Reverend I'm having a crisis of faith what should I do get safety goggles my son remember to worship at the railroad of your choice you know that that short had an interesting juxtaposition on the one hand had lots of valuable safety information sure and on the other hand who made me want to kill myself but you you've taken that information to heart haven't you oh that that's right Mike uh what was that thing I was supposed to remember a Gentile preesh your gentle been gentle long ago you know with gentle pressure gentle pressure gentle gentle pressure can't stress that enough jogo gentle pressure I got it gentle pressure that's right gentle pressure now as it happens Tom servo is doing some welding on the other side of the ship as it happens it completely coincidentally so go over and get his attention using gentle pressure a gentle touch don't worry Mike gentle pressure gentle gentle what Mike Oh crow T robot he's always getting into one scrape after another I'm sorry crow The Untouchables MCP most crappiest productions I hope there's more accidents in this movie ladies and gentlemen mitzi gaynor another accident Newt Gingrich's America there's one stressful Hollywood career the family von Trapp this is using new Danton rental in Jade am i that amazingly transparent the names have been changed to protect the visible now how can a woman be Kevin Kelly oh no cops signs of water damage on the credit here we come with our movie with the screenplay by Jacqueline is good music [ __ ] the scenes together come the clicker yes comes this I'm glad it's not the Annoying transparent credits background by a Formica the laminate of the future hey it's got photographic effects what they mean by photographic effects is that they filmed it ha nobody did Hamlet like Lester Gotham this is a modern dress amazing transparent and now William Wegmans Minecon I'm really a cat person hey who's walking who I am a fugitive from a Gulf station well the cops have a dog walking service must escape from Barbara Woodhouse peekaboo yes what a damn horseless carriages it was nice of his mom to pick him up after prison escape practice is this one of the photographic effects dogs are going to flag down a Buick and give chase whoa ten minutes out of prison and he scores Hayley Mills in the amazing transparent trap the whole wad not really adjusting to society would you take me back to prison Oh puddin I'm a top hat dust enough of what breaking out of jail trips getting better and better I'm lonely please love me ah now you can barely see him Shadowlands to escape from Oxford what is it officer is your knob turned to Bob's came from state prison ma'am this is just routine who are you and where you been oh my name's Matt Laura Matson this is my husband John we've been to a party at Richards point I'm afraid he overdid it he's a kid um now check the driver's license please here's cool he's a druggie you don't weigh a hundred and ten husbands well that's why I'm playing chauffeur his license was suspended drunk driving what happened to me - well there's no need to bother him he's had enough trouble for one night without waking up and staring into the badge of an officer very sort of inconvenience - and that's quite all right just proceed to the next ineffectual policeman I think the roadblocks are too close I'm using he's delicious and nutritious too for breakfast one fork plated pardon I thought you would you'd pull that gun it would have been all over still don't get it why to break me up you are girl aren't you find out when we get where we're going she's taking him to his surprise welcome home party the other North Dakota film industry never really took off then attend attend and Dorothy returns home they're on their way to my grandma's the sad thing is is that this is their downtown area oh it's Mary Tyler Moore's country apartment Norman ah my door are you gonna get my cuz really I mean we should be good now escaped convicts are so rude those without singing get off my land around here to scare off visitors he served his purpose yeah is everybody does Julian put the car away will you if call-waiting been an heir to enough the carpet for two hours any trouble no Joey fellas this is Julian cut your hair hippy I've seen him before in a police bulletin hang on the cover of The Rolling Stone zing well they have valet parking so Julian the scenes over it's uh you want to just cut any time to this it's over one well go go in well who they've got Protestant Revival furniture hello so sorry for your loss thank you well I was beginning to worry major canner may I present joey faust did we over dress for North Dakota major there's a surprise you mr. pahst it's for real what army well there have been several take your choice please mr. pahst it's lovely what is it it's only a bit of shrapnel it's a keepsake that piece of shrapnel entered the majors military career that will be all on and his sex life um you did well my dear now run along and professionnal for mr. Foss and I discussed business you'll excuse me major apparently I'm not fresh go ahead take off the coat if you wish I know you'd like an explanation I'm effeminate because my mother was overbearing why did you set up the brake well I can use you you have my reputation the underwear else on whatever genius when it comes to opening safes and vaults will be due boom they must have that shrapnel out of your head but kind of an idiot are you Craner I can't poke my nose through a bank door without getting it blown off every newspaper in the country's got my picture you're bitter fast mean and bitter you trust no one can you hate everyone you're the kind of man I need and understand I know all about your background your marriage Ilana Turner yeah what do you know about me you couldn't have gotten out of any newspaper well I check closely all the people I use I know about the wife who turned you in and the child you've never been allowed to see ouch that was me dad I'm really vulnerable right now oh I'm a oh you shuttin zoom but if you ever mentioned my daughter's name again you'll have another hole in your head Susie Susie Susie Susie Susie if you wish fast Susie Susie Susie Susie says your background what is her behavior Susie to eat for free career information now we're conducting experiments requiring fissionable materials mmm oh you'll be well-paid that's atom bomb stuff the government has that locked up tighter than Fort Knox precisely Oh include me a long way out Chuck hmm you're hardly in a position to bargain mr. Faust bargain files get it huh mm-hmm man with a gun doesn't have to bargain get stuff also I'm certain Julian would disagree with you on that yeah well Julian can lick all hi Julian don't do sad it'll rip out your spine and roll it up like a ball of string what's a score critter the Vikings pulled it out you'll work for us faithfully or you'll be turned over the authorities I understand there's a reward at $5,000 on your head it just what are these authorities gonna say about your part in the break please didn't know nothing of my part in the escape you see they'll also pay 5,000 for a dead Fox I must admit that it is funny it's not funny ha ha but it's draw let it what do you want that'll be all for now Julian go freshen up Julian to the laboratory and here Alexander's ragtime here oh yes we're completely equipped for our experiments we got a grant from viewers like you I made an extensive search before selecting this rash is an operational base that's really interesting Rhoda we're coming up and yeah Night of the Living Jury Stiller as you can see this is quite a serious business [ __ ] you up I'm not looking at my boogers come here yes sir agent write that dr. Peter Olaf mr. fast mr. fastest joined us he'll be supplying you with the vital materials dr. gulam as an eminent nuclear scientist would you repair one of your subject for the rain treatment doctor we must impress mr. Faust with the end result of your highly acclaimed scientific labors want me to make him a sandwich in other words hello I've heard the name undoubtedly you have I was quite fortunate in convincing him to continue his work here for me good boy how small is it led to interesting contains our radioactive materials Gideon ah I told you to move this beret penetrate this lead like butter and the whole countryside would go up in a mushroom cloud there is a lot what we have to change are you ready for the dentistry I am ray prayer would you tie my tie I agreed to do your dirty work for you but I got to know what's going on dr. Google awfully glad to explain doctor this is the principle of x-ray that goes further hmm extra Pierce is only the outer shell of the body to show what lies beneath doesn't this ray neutralizes all tissue and both structure in the body turning you into a pudding question utilizes x-ray alpha beta and Omega rays and after violence come on Celeste effect and coloring are qualities which would hinder our operations alpha beta mine yeah he'll see more simple to fu see what goes on Donald Nixon ladies and gentlemen Donald Nixon don't touch me you brute is so worried about this box doesn't practice safe sex let's simply strain some consider there's no took us through any accidental concentration of rays from this apparatus could set up a chain reaction in the materials involved a new provision could result doctor honey i shrunk the audience's interest I'd like to show you my bidet burgess Meredith is in there reading look at that Olaf's picking his nose again who wants American cheese on there I'm not a telephone junky there's no action that's gonna use that guinea pig as a guinea pig then some people who look tamed you all they be taking away the best fruits of my life don't be afraid yeah why would I be afraid this is all perfectly normal I'm still sore from the last time these straps on a rubber glove I'm leaving I'm just going to check your back molars a look at Coco's medical record that's a whooping cough in third grade mother ate by cat father flushed down toilet everything I is turning on the all vacuum cleaner Network venting a new kind of toilet flow kind of an abstract sculpture at Jayne Mansfield what he's doing but it looks naughty mm-hmm those of you who missed it I'll go through it all again need anything poopy why don't you disrobe and change into a gown yeah close enough there got to turn a few of these knobs you know hiring new clear temps wasn't a good idea all this just to get a UHF station we did a little Boop oh I love you home execution texas-style now they're going to record a yes album keep you around they're gonna pick keep your are my guinea pig Dylan I ain't talking coppers so they've come up with new ways to off guinea pigs show that Oppenheimer rocky dyes yellow killer Kauai that end I do believe in Mighty Mouse help me oh he's with the William Morris Agency well I was both amazing and transparent cause I'm pretty sure it's not that radioactive and the gangster nuclear program is off to a great start we're gonna call him Harvey go ahead this cost proof to your son he doesn't dad with minute you shits and poopy you see I just I know gasps I'll have any gospel fast let's see what picture pictures doing Oh does you can return the animal to visibility top here hey uh is Gretel is slipping what happens the gave me a pull off is perfected to Ray the point there's no dangers of subject no ill effects at all it's safe now quick get in the vault clean huh let's me Father for I have sinned hmm ah the switching sequence you loved it before you'll love it again even gonna be better oh yeah that one i watch from the people you'll find the guinea pig is on hand you'll be accelerating the guinea plague de near the speed of light and collide it with a copper foil people let's tell him he's still invisible think of it people might think there's not a guinea pig in a room when there actually is it's brilliant what is going on something big is going down man Frank is calling it must be really important Mike I wanted to let you know I won't be in today after five years dr. Forrester is finally giving me a day off so needless to say don't even bother trying to get in touch with me today Frank I've never tried to contact you but congratulations on your day off yeah after five years you must have some big plans huh if I seem just a little bit cocky it's for a very good reason I've got a ticket to see Squanto a warrior's tale uh-huh you heard right Squanto I've been planning to see this movie for months and I wanted to make sure I got in so I bought this ticket from a scalper for a thousand dollars I know that sounds a little steep but hey this is Squanto I'm talking about well clay I'm off to see Squanto Frank Squanto opened and closed three weeks ago squat a cheer up Frank maybe Camp Nowhere is still playing yeah or the road to wellville.shoot poor little guy yeah that satisfy your curiosity mr. path thank you the no doubt reduce such a mechanism as this has unlimited possibilities yeah like what that will come later first things first please hey they could rid the world of Polly sure no harm done at all perfectly other see ow I imagine you've seen enough for one day you certainly must be tired of your trip yeah it is a little sleep not sure Julia's father closed it'll fit you we have some lederhosen what done here it's no concern of yours come on mr. foster bet there are all sorts of invisible nude chicks in there you'll be sleeping with the guinea pig out of no-mind 'evil improvise again you almost ruined the second act oh I'm sorry I yelled I shouldn't be gone long you leave the gate open a lock when I get back yeah I don't think you need to be caution about fast yep he's dangerous locks mean nothing to him so I want to where you gonna watch his door at all times yep people in his room understand he all gone over all right Oh any power big difference pilots of guard the organ I'm gonna hunt you down fern hey give me a crack of that bowl huh mm-hmm st. Joseph aspirin for gangsters take the ribbon from your hair oh I just rolled on a guinea pig oh I'm going to he's asleep I can put out the presents oh I have a rich life well now it's just me and the latest issue of sassy I wish I didn't know there was pizza rolls in a fridge I wish I were back in prison I miss my wife Jake that's cute I could wear that you were talking to me weren't you you said come over here I'm lonely drink me please haha yep here's the transparencies these are not comfortable jammies well back to my novel no door handles mean nothing to me goofus pisses me off ah Lister meant hmm I better go fall for this locks may mean nothing to you mister but a lock saved my life once oh you rubbing a glass against the wall you in there pal I was trying to read Anna Quindlen mr. Wilson and Dennis the Menace the final conflict I get to keep the glass we'll turn this into a bolero jacket but rule on the Porta I'm breaking all the guinea pigs out of this place I just got to find that snap-on tool calendar place is probably crawling with whiskery old guards he's gonna hide Easter baskets now bud princess beaver Wally Robbie [ __ ] Ernie hey this is not my beautiful house dr. olla what I'm gonna rearrange that screen is so the guinea pig can undress this lock has meaning to me gotta be a glass I can rub against this door I'm feeling good right now Scooby dooby dooby doo I just had this craving for some socialists I can sew that but not time to slip into something more comfortable surprise happy birthday to you what are you doing what is it you want up here take it easy doc I just came up to see you well maybe they had you locked up in there not I only what's left of my soul I'm kidding anyway get some answers you seem but the only one around here it wasn't a member of kranish fan club i have nothing to say how miss health major credit is mistaken for me his robe is by lands of Austria mm-hmm I think I need that she knows I'm German why do you ask when he sings try and get some answers how'd he get mixed up in this I doubt it he's holding her uh-huh and that cheese box will open it up let her out please it's the house I do not joke not about my daughter although I hear she swims out the troop ships but that's a joke that hurt if it makes you feel good to hurt me then so be it all right I start the beginning how'd you get over here we carpooled from the Ottoman Empire or at the end of the Second World War led my own country with my baby daughter mm have I had died of experience I've been forced to before man huh no why hmm all my patients wore hoods I couldn't see their faces I didn't know my mind was wandering my deal it was too late bet this place is loud in a rainstorm hmm I still don't explain how you got here I took a damn boat I came to this country as a refugee no one you are a scientist except spies like prenda spies like us my wife died I wanted no more elastica me it's not funny here's your daughter that does if I do not do as I'm told she will be killed sighs I got see if I carry out that one hey let's go spy on the guinea pigs while they take the showers that would open it up now doc I got problems please mr. post release my daughter and take it to some safe place knock it off doc I got my own troubles then you can't open it I could open that thing blindfold it I'll open it but locks mean nothing to me hmm hmm what little psychologist ratchet doc that's good reasoning dear God it's kitty Carlisle and she's packing heat Oh congratulations on your wedding Miss Havisham certainly a daring night gown rated to 30 below and please try not to be amusing hey don't worry no problem on this end good night Doctor Who Loved say good night to my hamsters hmm I love this door is this a panel craft dr Lovell well I'm woman sit down at that organ and place star dust Arnold Schwarzenegger pregnant Oh he grabs his neck more than Chuck Heston what's next Mata Hari you gotta shoot me Greta bobbly will when he gets back he doesn't appreciate this lovely he hates Jack Morris Julian's loyal tire and Peter well I got him was a lump in the head back Hammond you fill out I couldn't bring him around see he's pregnant I can't believe it for Damon's supposed to be so greedy you don't know a thing about playing a hole Kurt Oh ever think how much that Ray it'd be worth to a guy I want to rob a bank with a team I am stirs what that thing I could get into every vault in the country in broad daylight dream on buster I need that show already of course to take on jobs like that if I wouldn't have to have a little help now splitting the take of a few of those would pay you a lot more than Crenna will ever give you in a lifetime he gives me a million dollars a day you need background music earth commercial full orchestra and violence maybe Bobby McFerrin don't believe me don't be a gambler should i gamble on having my throat slit by credit or being shot by you go for the curtain money that's a chance you'd have to take just like the risk I run every time I get on to that rate well if you don't take a chance you never know that's in the road less traveled I'll keep it in mind thanks Julian he was trying to make a deal you have to heard what he said he was talking a double-cross yeah I heard him sounded like you were listening off a closed - she's got Ernest Borgnine Julian keep quiet and I'll help you with your math you know that crane is gonna blame you for letting a lot of his room we've got to help each other now Lucy mm-hmm absolute Exton League let us in give someone else a crack of this house what I were worried we had a day it's a broom once we got that bottle out drop I told you not to take your eyes off a fast or Oh him he's out cold I went in and picked up the bottle figured you didn't morning nipping in the morning when he wakes up want some little cakes did did write he's got to be solar good eye night-night hair gurbles yeah I broke one of the Gophers earlier sorry the organ plays a pivotal part in this movie doesn't it why'd you gob on me it's a good save your own skin my skin is beyond saving idea of yours does interest me I figure you need me more than I need you baby imma need you good morning yeah breakfast with Dorothy Parker gotta get out and cut hey but first a gimlet seems to be a kind of a dark side of ourselves I can't stand the tension somebody play that organ so olive I was saving I thought you were out in the lab yeah I was what was that for I'll try don't even think about it Julian probably about your talk with fast don't even think about asking me if I was up in the lab did make any deal no not yet but I know you my memory is too good I remember our other deals you don't think I gave you enough of the share do you what are you talking about what could I possibly have in common with fast he's a hood just the type you go for Laura I don't care what you do with your life but when it interferes with my plans I draw the line I want you to go to college we're about to ask me if I was up in the lab again weren't you out on the Isle a Auto Wacha I want you ready when I need as long as he needs me man how about some coffee if he will relax mr. fast there would be no pain you may lose consciousness for a few moments after you become invisible but there should be no avail effect how do you know it'll work out of you you know what I had we mean hundreds of such experiments there can be no slip-up unless something goes wrong come on doctor we don't have all night David McCallum was booked for midnight we were just in the lab weren't we oh let the toner up there for the when they make people visible again nothing to worry about maybe in kind of a rush today so I pushed your buttons gentle pressure oh these have to take man I don't like tearing up his nostrils isn't someone going to swap me with antiseptic please let's just going to make a little hamster size invisible hole in the middle of them we're at one Henry the biggest guinea pig I ever saw except the pain man I've sucked up a lot more radiation and you are a well chunky boy the visible six banger you build it yes he disappeared with an audible thing he's going to notions never booth good Wow leaves quite an odor you all right doc that's not as rinse well it's quite bad but that used to be expected why is he breathing under can we be shocking fast can you hear him can you speak fast rise it up talking the wrong hand you stop reading but those are there don't do that he's got one he did you wet he's here cause as me do mom I found him listen to you you remain invisible flower to return it off there's a guinea pig on my neck that's some form for energy peptide choke you hard enough you'll bring me back boy the worst thing anything ever did is piddle I'm just showing you how badly you need me and my loyalty cost money oh sorry only well hey you neglected one thing Chum how much house knows every time you do a job Krannert if I'm gonna be hit I want money lots of money hmm what do you expect I champagne oh yes you can major I'm sure you can oh you're gonna paint a lot honking over in private downstairs good idea the hamsters are trying to sleep up here over here major I'm waiting as it's implied to him over here after you I'm so invisible I've never been less not invisible damn you all to hell anyway so you don't think a thousand is enough hang on I'm singing a bit of a real case major you think everyone's supposed to jump when you open your big fat mouth will you forgotten one thing your purse got what you gotta have me you gotta have ha you're up to I'm worth plenty to hear you wouldn't know it all that trouble bringing me out you're a dead duck without me am I on speakerphone what do you have in mind well walking into that nuclear bombs worth about 25 grand little air in here 1 2 5 and you're mad I don't have that kind of money thing you do the job major I'm scratching my butt right now you know thank you 25 grand in small bills Zod take it or leave it Oh your fly's open all right you'll go tonight plural drive what you made transparent men by the millions Pittsburgh Oppenheimer cupped Einsteins breasts as Nils bore let his smock slip to the lab floor before this is hot Jeannie I don't get sides mmm what's that brute well I suppose they do those things hey when you transparent mess with a fuse box it's funny you can't put a hot tub in here you need at least 100 amps really worth standing up for but wheel of fortune ones your napkin dispenser great here comes Chaz the smiles no I will not trade lunches with you Chaz my cigarette lacks flavor wrong with you I don't know why I just thought I heard something ie mighty hard to port back in ten minutes I gotta check the other post yeah right light a match will ya don't Jesus should lock that thing he's Martian by himself this happens every day whether there's an invisible man or not no he's stealing their walleye minnows maybe he should have brought a transparent tote bag be sure to sign out is he gonna plant bulbs here they're just flexing their special-effects muscles Gerry Cooney security guard who'da Madrid down and buy a car you didn't see anyone during all this no sir I heard a clicking noise like the wheel on revolt was turning and I I told him about it but neither one of us saw anything that's right there was nothing when I started to check the other guard post I don't live with my mother come on will it I turned around in that and a vault door was open and all by itself and I got up to check it and I and I pull my gun and something was all over me and then the next thing I know I'm waking up mm-hmm what about the alarm panel when it did get wrecked I don't know mr. Drake it was okay when I came on duty - it couldn't have happened while I was checking poster he'd have noticed anyone tampering with it it set up with each of us covering the other yes but it's quite obvious neither one of you were coming the other in fact there was no coverage at all yeah we finished being fired there's a little storm trooper who lives in my pants he whispers things to my doctor what was it you wanted to tell me about a guinea pig it was only a matter of time I've grown to love him he bagged his pint of resistance it was developing his radiation she lived a good life it's too early to tell but each time it we take along with the reduce and invisibility less to return him to normal states he will also develop a resistance what about the new material the x13 I need more time to study it it's properties are different from other nuclear materials I do not like keeping it here it's for vomit ratios also much Aloha it's vomit ratio Obama's eating strawberry jam sure uh pray of an explosion yes don't I'm afraid of strudel though I don't know why it's will use the X 30 and 5 it could mean his death doctor I'm not concerned with the welfare of one man I must know the full potential of your invention because my aim is to make an entire army invisible do you understand I did not like read to kill a man with deliberate radiation poisoning oh you're too old-fashioned of eugene's say Mike what do we have here yeah yeah it looks really cool huh whatever it is oh come on spy magic or $2,000 electronic organ pretty neat huh I'll say what'd it do Oh we'll give a listen here this is me this will be fun forever I will never get sick of this say Tom I've got the three rubber bands in my room I'm their man okay let's go and lights please perhaps the most volatile and feisty of Henry the eighth six wives was Anne Boleyn you ha what are you high huh just uh putting on Oh light please Tampa I was just oh let me get different Latin River huh I'll be right back yeah I was just uh honor something I heard no nothing we haven't done that Comedy Central yeah no I was sweet something every cheap safecracker in the country's been dreaming of too bad the doctors invented years ago for the right people wouldn't be cooped up here now give me five homey you better lay off the giggle water he can't use you're drunk you know it's a case am i using him now come on with a drink what am i invisible here I could have walked into that fall and broad daylight and done the same thing so easy I felt like I was taking credit money away from him by fast this time you do it the hard way in daylight on stilts well through with me so soon I'm gonna get me killed off Oh Oh what I've learned as security has been tripled on the balls during the night shift six minutes but it hasn't been strengthened during the day it's where did you get these Jim he has sources you better believe it one more home we'll have enough for our present supply work uh not to Glenfiddich you'll need this we're ready in the lab thanks a lot bill w did I do something wrong to make him not slap me my curdle is killing me mr. keister man's mailbox see doctor my mom loved my sister a lot more than me and tonight on 21 Charles Van Doren vs. Leopold Stokowski go ahead on invisible booth five hurry up who've been riding my tuchus for too long Oliver he's looking better than usual I gather that bratwurst is repeating on me I guess I could have done that it seemed too hard great a guinea pig got moves I'll make anyone invisible for 4995 well either he's invisible or the rice is done Boris tree changing the face of northern Michigan Jackie Kennedy after the tragedy she just took off in the convertible typical cruise you can't get away with this broad daylight Joey why did you stop running craner's errand I'm naked you know not get any more involved don't get emotional baby and I deserve a maybe see it that way let's understand that I may not see you but they're bound to see the less container when you try to get it out good all wrong honey today's the day we take the bank if broad daylight you're crazy you're talking to a professional remember I don't have to worry about time locks or anything like that just walk in hang up the loose cash and walk out and you sweetheart are gonna be waiting fall well that guy just lights up the screen oh don't even say it they're cuddly 40% chief there's an invisible man to see you I'll have to climb I see I climbed out I'll have to walk into the bank and now the lighter side of banking oh that door is on the Fred Club v goodness the steaks and chops are calling me anyone notice if I got a nice big porterhouse and brought it back in here rod serling they deposit submitted for your pool guess that lines for women only eliza doolittle well beginner's guide to bank security Joey's gonna steal everybody's real-estate abstract oh that's a tiny ping-pong table - Pete hey kevin costner as Jim Garrison wait she's very Olivia de Havilland all this happened in Point Break where you can see everyone unfortunately oh great just transparent ish oh my lord it's Donald Nixon don't anybody move you won't get hurt if you're less conspicuous without the gun and the money it what's the matter my right what's the matter i oughtta halt I just know I'm gonna show up at news of the weird no no blinker they're just exacerbating our crime thank you very much for your cooperation Madison I'll put this one good I'm sure he was invisible but I'm positive he was black dirty but I know it sound pretty to a partially visible man okay guess we can't stop it now someone ordered a pizza for us stories out reporter was at the police station when the alarm came in well there's no doubt it was Faust everyone at the bank's identified him well what can we do the man makes himself invisible locks mean nothing to him smarter than take the x13 what defense do we have against him nothing not maybe cops on bicycles is the answer we return now to Paris Texas I love the smell of atrazine in the morning Oh looks like he made the trip to bountiful I'm gonna build a casino right here there must be something we can do if I can just get down to you los I can't get back to the house till I'm invisible police report the so-called invisible man who robbed the Coatesville National Bank has been identified as joey faust escaped convict and safecracker witnesses said the robber became visible before their eyes whose citizens are more wanted to listen to the twins he's got to come back and that trap - I'll teach them to double-cross me take my bags outside and then watch water right my own personal MacLeod excuse me a chance to call Peggy quick I know the people in Mexico we can go there and start all over again Mexico nan do you know Jose I know what I'd enjoy but I can change all that I can be taller more full-figured what are you doing giving you your split you're on your own baby but that you said we'd be together honey right now I need a car more than I need you she can start walking any time but you just can't go off and leave me I'll be right back after this Joey we overdid the Clearasil again goodbye Laura tell you I love you mmm is this goodbye - fine have you poop oh well at least you left me this pound of ground beef patties I suppose we've gotta get the soybeans in hmm we'll leave everything except a nuclear material Kilar please catch hospira story of yours oh my zeitgeist is go starting and now I have middle Schmitz hmm I will not what okay I will I have been running away most of my life Oh get out of my dingy furnished laboratory doctor there's something wrong with your formula but we'll work it out in a new location well visible army is worth billions minami Oh dead men major no thanks Otto von bring me down I'm taking Marie with me I'm sure you'll come along - no she didn't finish her supper she shouldn't stay in a room 3 my dad prison is fun it's super Donald Nixon doc what's wrong why do I keep appearing and disappearing huh don't know I needed more time to study the exert key before trying it out on you Oh fine well you're gonna do something about it I've got a feeling you're gonna take care of it I will but not in this place but why not I got him locked up I want to be taken away from here my daughter and I only then I will treat you but you with this and then kissed alright let's blow out of here let's put our lips together and blow so why is she dressed for maths and Houdini couldn't get her out of that dress forget something the girdles 9 p.m. but that thing that I take my orders in a major I have two good mates let me Julien you believe what he told you about your son being alive in prison and in Europe yes I do your uncle your son's dead Julia grant has been using you all along but he is in Europe right I don't even have a son I'm so stupid guarded this organ for five years suddenly I'm back story he's right you had to come back come on I hate to see a grown codger crowded I hit the road it was for your own good but Joey please please give me a chance we thought you had your chance guy loves walks let's admit it all right come on come on we've are all going to Grandma's and we are all going to have a good time see you know one when there's often a process so an invisible army can invade your country off me nor his army I care about me the whole this is futile Brenda has found me before he'll find me again I've got money I know places across the border he never heard of how long are these treatments gonna take you may someday be declared a martyr mr. post a man who sacrificed himself so that he did is a god they might look over here you can see what do you try to pull you want it out of here I made a deal with you now you cross me and I'll kill you I'm a dying man mr. house radiation poisoning no boohoo you die too you worse off tonight you're lying you have only weeks perhaps days to him damn you only truly to get away from Krannert to free Maria I had no choice one big powerful well are you so intent upon evading the police for a few remaining days don't you care what Connie is doing to your country why should I care what if my country ever do for me but try and bury me in a concrete tomb for the rest of my life Oh your breath is not in this view my child used to think of yours perhaps you desert prison hmm but didn't meet Maria deserve what has happened to her did her mother need to die is this the kind of world you want for your child that is what a leader blobby would bring got your mother go how about flying all right got a month no more so no sense starting a Michener novel where the sneezed into that it's big league chew don't wait for me I'm gonna go do me a little possum hunting then I'll be double this amazing transparent man stands to win where have you been there's a man who has unlocked every door except the one to his own so Bob Dornan now he has to kill come my dear we must find a telephone and notify the police daddy drive a line at some point true it's open there go away this marathon bars chewy Joey will you please wait for me outside right now Seema told you to wait for me outside I'll prop your head up so you can watch Solan okay you guard the downstairs now by the irony of the organ being there is unbelievable shot the only woman who ever vaguely loved me this is gonna be so great she took your it no tagbacks oh no it was a bottle of Jolt Cola with each blow he looks more like James Garner okay now would be a good time for me to turn transparent scrape your scapula down until there's nothing left you crush like cookies I'm sorry are hi Kent is called in sick yeah no Gus takes a minute so if you just lay there I'll be killing you shortly just hang on want a pop or anything I'm in the fridge thought I was done but just a few more minutes just got to get some instructions do you remember how this thing works you brute you brute you brute you brute you brute played by fissionable material on God a transparent Logie Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of heavy water an unrelated event all my exes died in Texas maybe they blew up ZZ Top baby whoop zip yet we're pretty how my wife turned all purple sorry folks it's all nuclear behind here are you happy mr. teller Drake and Smith's security excuse me why aren't you folks drinking this is Texas sorry I got my orders no one enters this area too much fallout for safety all right officer just a minute yeah I think a couple of Jumbo's slim jims will change your mind they're individually wrapped hmm and the bookmobile is there we monocular switched to another viewpoint okay they keep switching here he's a blow your mind it's a Frank Gehry building fine I can't get near the fallout I'll just smoke forget it Jake it's Chinatown you're waiting imagine anything gentle pressure see did you notice the gentle pressure you I learn well doctor you and your friends have succeeded in blowing up half the county yeah oops it there's enough left out there to make ashes I'm deeply sorry of course I go now but as I told you before I didn't do anything by choice yeah I won't major prenda of the danger involved but you must realize his was a deranged mind mm-hmm all he could think of was the creating of an invisible army yeah and the powers to force would give him Gee's ahead ass doctor this idea of an invisible army is quite interesting but I have to go imagine what our counterintelligence could accomplish if they were able to become invisible whenever necessary the secretary intelligence agency has already discussed the possibilities well so don't try the lord over me but my friend think of a danger if the secret were stolen from us it has happened before you know your big second crowd gasps what was I saying that if we let the secret died with me joke Rena and joy host it's a serious problem is now what - achoo - but what that was the question Ross I didn't know there would be a test you know something to think about wow what an interesting dilemma crow what would you do what would you do oh that's easy if I pass midfield I'd go for it maybe just punt oh that's not what they mean oh you dumb portable little robot yeah no the question is if you had a choice between having your own invisible army blowing up a county in Texas which would it be Oh Mike come on that's easy under any circumstances blowing up a County in Texas is justifiable what what Tom what my family's from Texas Oh God Oh Mike no no I have no idea how is just try no oh God Mike I'm getting there from Wisconsin I don't care what you do to Texas joking anyway we we've got a letter to read uh it's actually a transparent letter it's transparency that up on still store there yeah it's from Kathleen Donovan she writes here's a little invention for you you feelin there's a nice little picture there you can see uh Bill Tom servos head with a creamy custard yogurt and you get voila soft-serve Oh what do you know that's from Kathleen it's gone it's transparent oh thanks Kathleen Mike I have an invisible army you know they're right heinie no you don't my invisible armies right behind me and they just want on your invisible arm did not get to go see about it nocturnal what a couple away can you mix the bot I'll see you later okay hey look at you you are a skinny young man here have another one of my rock-hard flavorless butter cookies you know it's a wonderful dilemma do I put an ice auger through his chest or do I enjoy another delicious piece of his wonderful Apple Pandowdy either way I win well ante big Frank it looks like you're over your disappointment a warrior's tale you see I touch it doesn't no harm that this has been a presentation from Comedy Central

Channel: analogkid01

Views: 361,221

Rating: 4.8522358 out of 5

Keywords: MST3k

Id: o9Akw_7yWxw

Length: 95min 6sec (5706 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 09 2011