MST3k 617 - The Sword and the Dragon

[Music] 15th in not to distant future down in deep 13 Dr Forester and TV Frank were hatching an evil scheme they hired a temp by the name of Mike just a regular Joe they didn't like their experiment needed a good test case so they CED him on the doget and they shot him in face me we'll send them cheesy movies the worst we can find you'll have to sit and watch them all and we'll monitor his mind now keep in mind my can't control where the movies begin or end he'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his robot [Music] friends robot roll called C now [Music] gsy if you're wondering how he eats and Bre and other science facts just repeat to yourself it's just a show I should really just relax for Mystery Science Theater 3,000 [Music] [Music] can't can't make it through the trilogies myself hi everyone Mike Nelson here a crow t robot and I have finally agreed to play Dungeons and Dragons with Tom Servo frankly I can't work up a lot of the dungeon master has arrived welcome both of you to my fantasy roleplaying group have you selected your characters I know silence here character from this the middle-ear christomy okay um I'll be uh delmare the Elfen King ah yeah me too delmare the Elfen King no no I command that you are gorab dwarf Prince of valdor all righty then I'm gorab dwarf Prince you are both walking on a tralian Footbridge when you run across a fourth level bog what do you do I really don't know quickly grab your wand you fool grab your wand I'm grabbing my wand I don't know is it helping no no no use Fireballs you idiots Fireballs no too late you are both devoured oh well living learn well you know what the uh the balrog cast The spell of zorton on you my friend not zorton no not zorton no no no we'll be right back I must take my own life that's going to happen I guess that gets us out of a game now I'm sorry sorry Servo but enough is enough oh but I was about to enter a deep level of good Servo you've entered a a deep level of hey rivendel and midor are calling those are places sorry clay have you seen my X-Men number 354 Frank you're breaking my concentration I want to get all my back issues of starlog organized in time to tape tonight's episode of tech Wars te Wars is on that's right I wonder who that could be no that's right I forgot all about te Wars want to see tonight so I'm supposed to hi I'm Bridget and this is my friend Mary Joe we just moved in upstairs to deep 12 we're neighbors clay there are girls here actual girls uh uh Don't Panic um there should be some instructions on what to do yeah somewhere well uh We've introduced ourselves who are you uh I have lots of comic books I keep them in plastic bags oh yeah we haven't seen the laundry room do you know where it is are we on a date cuz it's okay if we're we're on a date Frank and I have been on lots of dates Frank lots of dates yeah [Music] Babylon 5 was on last night oh yeah yeah it it was well Mike you've got to help us we're on a date down here uh could you uh provide us with some kind of entertainment it just so happens I've written a topical satirical review that we call superal fragilistic X wacky go I got it I'm the government I'm the government I'm filled with bloats and perks I'm the government I'm the government I'm the reason nothing works boy I tell you you it's not easy being The Working Man but at least I've earned an honest day's wage and I can thank you hey I'm the crime Bill bang bang I'm the crime Bill bang bang I get shot at every day I'm the crime Bill bang bang I'm the crime Bill bang bang I'm opposed by the NRA bangang hello Mr Senator my daddy's out of work and he says that it's because of the deficit so I save some money in my piggy bank and I'm going to give it to you to lower the deficit if an 8-year-old kid can save money how come the government can Hong Hong beep beep government grid loock Hong Hong beep beep govern grid lock is a traffic jam at the Congress in or section what the light is red unless there's an election government short hand get TX super [Music] fragilis that's funny one that was a Skitch is nothing safe from you guys well Mike your uh movie this week is called The Sword and the dragon we won't be watching it because uh we're on a date yeah we're on a piss with the Punisher better double bag this forign poliy BL we got mov what about [Music] him Joseph Harris here sing Shore present can you imagine pulling one of them things into the boat ah the international symbol for no dragons when one sword tries to get along with an incorrigible Dragon many many years ago there was a far away land on the other side of the world the cat skills a land richly endowed by Nature wow a land of golden Lakes rolling Hills and fertile soil but hovering over this once Happy Land like an evil Cloud George Clinton was the face of our ruthless enemy I said no C chief of thering tribe of cougars at your Lincoln Mercury who ravaged the land South Central Copan pillaged and burned its cities King Friday's Kingdom leaving desolation and despair in their terrible path and bad editing in their wake across the breadth of a Countryside once peaceful the hordes of khen savage tuar Road killing burning ravishing itching flaking brutality unmatched in history coming soon to a theater near you our Story begins in a quiet Village in this besieged land made out of toothpast a village which lives in constant fear of khen and his Invaders so move man she's a fox take a picture why don't you the perv is looking at me again don't look you'll only encourage him God has given him the body of a warrior his legs are useless and he cannot move a single step the are coming oh they spent a lot of money on a fortress but no gate man this movie is already 50 times more expensive than all the movies we've seen put together the chores come on honey there you hey no one invited me to the pillaging may you be cursed murdering scum go girl right on [Music] woman she will make quite a tasty dish to take to our I'm not that tasty I'm mostly gristle and a caravan might be Golder watch their hands don't get fresh let Pat Carol go you Beast Dan Haggard hands I cannot lift to help them I bowled last night and I'm pretty stiff wagons East hey the Caterers are here where we go in night I know this is not the shortcut Doctor Who at long last our nation says no to Renaissance festivals Finn roen here at the Mongol Rodeo spare me I beg you come closer my lovering one and let me take a look at you you seem to be well fed you're heavy enough oh please spare me S I'll do anything you wish anything wash my car and pick up Tina from piano lessons swear you me yes sir I will I will you can have anything I own here see this a finger towel great and here's a soap sliver please spare my life listen well son of misery you know my Dad send this to us as a signal to Chief cullin if the princess soldiers have left the city I shall await your signal at the river in seven moves here if you fail us if you deceive us you shall die like a [Music] dog this was a time of Giants and dragons and low inflation when Brave and fearless men rose up to perform Mighty Deeds against the forces of evil I'm Mike Wallace mightiest of all was inv vinor mighty defender of the righteous and a nice who raised his magic sword across the breadth of the land to Smite the enemies of the just riding Lori Barbaro after many years when inv vinor had grown weary with age his tasks were done he was given a farewell banquet in a small TV as ye travel far and wide oh ye wandering Pilgrim ah boss seek out a young man hey boss Stout of heart strong of arm and brave of spirit and taught of buttocks and when you find such a man give him this my magic sword to defend our land and our people from all manner of enemies and get the five bucks he owes me his last deed done invin or turned to stone to become part of a legend that would live for all time how many prologs does this movie need then they harvested the charcoal briquettes wait Farmers really need the rain huh the heat is blowing up my skirt woo ow ow ow how how at least I saved this [Music] stick I'm thirsty what your poison patience my son I'm thirsty I'm thirsty next I suppose you want some to eat I've never had anything to drink and I've done just [Music] fine ah good they reached the ranger station good tomorrow to the stranger we are weary traveling what is thy name I am Ilia Mur son of Theodore you pay at the first window could you bring us some water glad would I be to serve you but I cannot move from this chair come into my house and drink your fill thank you come I should warn you I'm just a torso Jellystone Park got a poster of sun raw greetings to the Ilia yeah yeah could you bring me a magazine I know you Gentle pilgrims have traveled far in why remember FDIC tell me of the evils that have befallen our Beloved Country in these days of darkness our poor and troubled land is plunged into woe deep as the sea those cursed tars plunder Rob and kill if only I had my strength back I could help defend my country in her hour of need but I've been classified forf could beat this guy up drink the Dew of the magic grassia and perhaps thy strength will return here's some Haley's Amo thank you my son drink this young man drink hearty and pray please sir could I have more Ilia likes carrots doesn't he dust thou feel the strength returning to thy veins yet Elia I'm less thirsty yes yes I can cop a buzz but the walls are moving SPL I still cannot move move patience my Ilia thy strength shall indeed return I promise thee uh hold on I'm having a montage it's the line for Wild [Music] Mountain that was one high colonic yes sir I feel like a new [Music] man let's get you back back to your room Mr tugon I'll take these I'll just wear them out of the store I feel good all under first thing I take off the burlap dress and Now ladies and gentlemen the Swedish Moses of Soul a hey who left all my tools laying around in the front yard I'm feeling positively demonstrative I could almost tell my wife I love her oh I need to sit down for a while believe it or not take thou the magic sword of En vinor and be thou like him we don't want to carry it anymore this is the best tasting sword ever you good friends must mother my country needs me I give you my blessing y you my son go in peace why are you older than me son God against evil my son and help your fellow man but not Murray I shall remember your wishes always mother hey hey hey hey hey hey you're in the wrong myth you will need a strong horse I would like to give you mine yya his name is chestnut gr oh that's okay I'll walk do not concern yourself over his small size bath him three times in Du and he will grow until he becomes the mightiest of all the Steed you have ever known jeez I'm running late as it is well let's get you far enough away where they won't hear The Gunshot no grow Chestnut gray grow isn't he supposed to bathe him in Mountain Dew or be th as Fleet of foot As the deer by bonds will you work or Bank swim Rivers faster than the salon streak across the ground swifter than the wolf higher than the Falcon winging through the sky longer than there have been fishes in the ocean When a Stranger Calls hear him not but when you hear my voice Run come swiftly like the wind anything else your highness you shall be friends unto death indeed and in battle oh oh I don't do battle good Chestnut gray look I got an offer from Calumet Farms serve me well Noble steeve he is a lonely lonely man connory Snipes daily affirmations the Deluth Chamber of Commerce bids you Ado and wherever Ilia went he carried his pool cu ah jeez it cast it right into the weeds never more follow the right Road and you will find riches the left Road and you will find a wi go straight ahead and you will find dead Chestnut gray quit doing your impressions riches would give me little Joy but I'll take them anyway now is no time to woo me a wife but I'll take one anyway so I shall follow the road that leads to death I might not get to death tonight I may spend the night at Serious injury and head over to permanent disability in the morning no I don't want to fall chin round up every fin on the [Music] island Thou shalt seek shelter in the southwest corner of thy basement where are the RO Us's oh this is downtown death woo this movie has a real view Master quality oh why did inv vinor like this job go straight ahead and you will find B maybe he has a good personality who Dorito breath DIY GES ask well that's always nice just blow the leaves into the neighbor's yard couldn't the wind just cry Mary oh do not fear this wind demon you know sometimes I wake up and I feel like this guy looks he cannot harm you Chestnut grave yeah sure let's go down the road to death fine that was I thinking justn not gray is like the Chevy Suburban of horses sure lucky shot I can explain everything he looks like a fat owl this one and yet he cries rivers of Tears I'm a wind demon it's my job I shall take you to my prince and he will decide what to do with you okay let me put on my good fur princes Nobles and warriors here I sit with you in judgment and here with you do I hold cour if there be any wrongdoers let them be brought before us for judgment bring up Al deato I like having Court outside this villain must be punished good Prince he tore my M's tail off you must find a suitable punishment for what he has done is a bad thing it is bad he has also stolen the Royal Timber he must be a villain yes I offerson it is true that I did these things but I had very good reason sire he loed me his horse but no harness so I tied the wagon to the horse's tail that is how it happened sire it's the finished version of night cour he should be sent to prison he must be punished this is our verdict I'll allow the DNA you VIN give him your horse to ride through the forest until her tail shall grow back again this is our J Justice region Prince Justice get up your brown noser and you young man remember you must return the horse to B in good condition an anti drug rehab I swear it it's a kingdom of Robert Bor radiant Prince durar the mighty warrior has returned to the Palace oh he's the artist formerly known as radiant sumon all the Nobles for a great feast and see that all these people are fed well I need a veggie meal can I bring my cousin I'm lactose intolerance can I have the money instead but I don't like food Noble Prince invites you all to the Feast at the palace [Music] once on the shore of the Great Northern sea two men stood alone on a pier [Music] then yeah holy [Music] there came in to me a Todd [Music] y' [Music] I will count the boards of this peer Y and you yeah you will count the slits between the boards you the boort and I the slits yeah begin one one [Music] two two three three four four five five six six and so you see when you're out of slits you're out of Pier [Music] 27979 it may be the wine Lars but you're a pretty man friend no don't you mustn't who's the new gun we'll be showing the Vikes Packers game in just a few minutes everyone excuse me good people where's the men's wom which among you is Prince Vander why do you ask for the prince a pumpkin like you belongs there at the foot of the table with the peasant you are too harsh with the stranger Alexi let him be heard perhaps he brings important news yeah like where the best buffets are I came here not to Feast good Nobles but to serve my prince and my country and I say you're not fit to sit at the same table with a noble no no no no no no you a noble more likely you J with milkmaids behind the barn I'm not gay he's the Finnish Oscar wild Make Way for an Noble me bearing rare and costly gift for oppr good health and greetings radiant Prince look I don't book openers anymore I have collected all taxes and tributes I was sorely wounded in battle but I routed them all all your enemies anyways here's some of the stuff we got for you dear Prince for you alone I would do it again I would gladly l lay down my life for a hamburger today radiant Prince I vested the mighty sarac for you I would gladly give my life no no lick no would we all every one of us wind demon attacked me and I cut him to Ribbons in the Enchanted for he lies my prince I saw him went them on the field of Honor I know that he has not even set eyes on the Wind demon who are you good stranger and where do you come from I am Ilia muret I am from goova my father has a small farm there near the River whoops dropped a cuff link and have you yourself seen the wind demon I will show him to you say hello to the nice people wind demon is the evil one not very big but he's as mean as he looks I've never seen such a monster command him to whistle as loud as he can can you really create the wind that he can do but do not let him frighten you you eat lunch wait Alicia please do not run away Wang Chong with me someone will see us here I do not care as long as we're together my brothers say I'm too young to be wooed Alexi I cannot live without Woo You Belong To Me Alicia Oh Captain sping now whistle you ugly wind demon but only with half of your strength Clint Howard now whistle evil one you know how to whistle don't you oh yuck he was eating crackers the Summer Wind demon came blowing in roll up the barrels cleanups of Breeze thanks to wind demon wow wacky sight gags of ancient Finlandia this is house man I'm killing tonight the wind hooked me to a cable everyone knows [Music] windy the wind even has killed a lot of people but it's all in good fun stop him make him stop stop him before he blows us away stop we've seen a enough make him stop hold your breaths born of the devil you have performed your last evil deed hey you ask you offer no more children with your blast of wind this country bumpkin is quite a fellow I think yes jolly good old man oh yuck he's in the spatoon that was pretty good can he scat take this Ilia as a reward for your service as for this demon his reward will match his deeds put him in my private Chambers I got a blow you are a man after my own heart idia want to start a band and so zezy top was born take no offense to the Le side he has a quick temper but he is a brave and courageous Soldier let us be friends I'm Bob for marketing we shall be friends friends to the end Elia your Steed beside my own now let us make a pledge we shall be as brothers the three of us the younger brother must heed the Elder and together we shall Venture forth together in good and in bad we three all for one and one for all this must be our way our country we shall defend with our lives if we must Bravo M bra put on the armor of a noble Ilia you have earned it I thank you Prince bad Tidings o Prince Colleen's envoys have arrived at the city Gates we got a great big on boy a tours in town close the buffet he's going to blow greet them with bread and salt those swine who laid waste our land I would rather greet them with arms than with bread and salt s those are very bold words inia would you teach me how to rule first we shall hear this Envoy then we shall decide what course to take all right that's how you want to do it sounds like the stripper's on next somebody get me a bucket I'm going a fro up I come as an Envoy from the mighty Chief gin it is his will that you shall pay him taxes and tributes for 12 years you must pay these tributes to us else we will invade your land and empty your coffers damn liberals eat and drink your fill we shall pay what you ask we shall do whater goin's unvoid are not to be bribed with bread and Sals you sense such adult as an invoy as an insult does he not look like a great fat Ox to you who dare speak thus to Colin's Envoy I would strike him down as soon as look at him guard your tongue or I'll cut it off you come here with Words of War therefore we answer in kind and we are prepared resistance is useless I will make you bow to our Mighty Chief khen the words of your boasting shall die in your throat Envoy of khen I have heard enough your head shall be the first I chop off oh it's a Matt grain gargoyle by your own sword dog you shall die f calling oh right in the love handle Jake and the fat man is different than I remember Jak the fat man oh uh anyone know why we're retreating run a cursed dogs run back to your master Colin yeah tell him the same fate awaits anyone he sends us tell him we will fight we will pay no tribute buff are safe again come wash your hands oh Noble Soldier they're filthy need a mighty warrior as mighty as dbar and as courageous as Alexi is his strength exceeds that of invinci for your gallantry I will Forge for you a coat of armor finer than the prince's own coat of gold yeah sure you will take this Lance it was fought for a mighty warrior he never claimed it I thank you all good people I'm out of here I shall try to be worthy of your trust the Pence the Royal pants make way to the prince fabulous the prince oo it's warmer than I thought it was out here for your service to our people it's dry clean only all hail El [Applause] Mor we need lighter [Applause] Heroes oh once again I'm not invited Finland is so clicky I must act quickly I must get rid of this new hero else I will have to answer for for myself to Caren and his terrible band of Cutthroats thanks for the aside and here is your share all of this all the gold for you here and now for my share Microsoft stock I will take what is left the captive maid who stands there waiting anxiously for me let me have her start ATT and you can have all my silver no don't play with give her to me you can have all the gold not so fast you shall not have her nor you I will take the captive mate to Chief khen he is sure to give me half a kingdom for this prize Beauty exit Sage left shall never be you plundering thieves Gypsies and tram she will be set free to go home to her parents uh I'm trying to sleep fear not little one they shall harm you no longer I shall release you nothing on this Earth just let me say goodbye to Glock not even augar would keep you from me ever again the prince look busy I see you are quarreling again my rich and worthy Nobles so just give me the remote if I gave you free reign you would tear our country apart with your fighting Matthew bador you're going to hit me aren't you I have work for you you must prepare a caravan of Furs and copper I'm dead and Voyage out to sea sure I wasn't doing anything for the next 10 years the song of the [Music] [Music] south ah dinner Johnny Mercer lyrics really make this s she did all the same stuff at her last [Applause] concert okay we all drop on three it's a living hey I've got a baby to deliver I'd rather be road kill than listen to this I'm an attempt lady well I got to go spread the plague byebye the magic of Heidi ladies and gentlemen this song contains satanic [Music] messages hey red fox bunny Rich [Music] him spinning and weaving feel you my love what's with the oven their lonely thoughts it has been lonely here without you I too have spent many years of loneliness my dear wife but that is all behind me now I am lonely no more I got a cat in our marriage I have found true happiness dearest V A Priceless gift now where the hell's my dinner but what is this how much did this cost this cloth it's Wen of gold it Glitters it is not a cloth it is a magic tablecloth mhm it is beautiful indeed for whom did you make it Deb's wedding shower for the one whom I love love the best the Milkman now you must rest from your labors my busy little wife let us the nasty do all these wonders the Earth offers it all for us to glory in a beautiful sunset in Branson Missouri hey it's the minina the Pinta and the [ __ ] Santa Maria [Music] you can almost see your hairline not my sweet one grieve not we do not part for long I know that's what I'm grieving about I shall drive carlen and his Wicked two guards from the gates of our city once and for all and rid our land of those traitors who would betray it okay see you after work in this most bitter hour of our party tell me dearest one can I have the checkbook tell me truly of your greatest wish pudding lots of pudding there bear me a son beia a brave son to grow up strong and be a great warrior Merlin Olsen is no action hero the Falcons in the sky they were witness to our L little vilia if you should bear a son call him little Falcon how about Rick and whenever I see a falcon um something I shall think of my son it is my greatest wish to give you the son you desire my beloved if you bear a son I want to know who the father is this ring it was given to me by our Prince he's going to give her his letter jacket too that's enough now we're being too demonstrative head now to Eden y once again vilia was to be separated from her love she came over last night and we just talk fearing another attack by the two guards insisted that his wife accompany the prince's Caravan of Furs and copper on the Open Sea he reasoned voo would be safe from harm her singing would keep everyone at [Music] Bay nice Auto harp hey lady you're putting the Bass Down want to grab an or nanori [Music] well you can whip up a ho faster than you could say Jack Robinson no the other way hey it's the [Music] [Applause] other are coming British are coming me they're coming the boat the Navy Seals are here hi I'm Julie your cruise director hey you Nick me come to Uncle Mongol by the God here She is again that pretty one for [Music] Callen the Magnificent tol s greetings from Rosemary Clooney here comes a king here comes a big number one white TR simulated film snow ask for it by [Music] nighte [Music] free applesauce Bal to dashing below py FL flam food little PGE hogwash booy and horse feathers P pish posh poppy [ __ ] p in sure you bet lud Luther bkin you guys are so weird but but I'm a bunny hop hop hop oh give it up je hey I'm movie sign humiliating thing I've ever [Music] done hop hop hop Matthew brova you're not wearing that are you what is wrong I'm cold and I'm wet and I want to go in punish Me Not O Prince please let me speak first okay now punish me speak then we were attacked wo by a band of tars they bled the car to carry things I escaped after spending months in bondage that was the good part when the snow days Festival was going so well Ilia Mur met That's Italian why was he not there to help did I not tell you radiant Prince he is a fool he is not the sort of man to be trusted s he should have been there to help Matthew for this I will banish him from the court for three full years throw down your hot dogs if you banish Ila you Exile our strength fond as I am ofia I hate him this must be done he goes to the dungeon to pay for his deed EXA executive producer Steven botko greetings to you good soldiers hi I see you serve our city well there is little joy in our service today I fear Ilia I got to work blame us not Ilia the prince has given orders you're not to enter you just do you not I have ridden here in great haste to help rid the Palace of its traitors do not let him in the palace not with his shoes on Prince's orders this is your word Co captor of the wind demon so brave and fearless in battle huh FIA has told me the true story of your treachery and deceit traitor's villain you're not wanted here anymore you have been banished so you all conspire against me do you my Nobles let me just you shall soon see how I deal with conspirators dig this she does gutter work I think he should be hanged soon as possible I think he should be drawn and quartered let the prince decide what to do with him if the prince wants no more of me then I want no more of his gifts you may tell him as I drag this coat in the snow by its dangling sleev it gets filthy so I shall drag those traitors who have flattered against me here and no starch you Nobles are ready enough to join in a feast what about the tars huh who among you is ready to stand up and fight when the two guards come they are brave men they are when the two guards are far away I will try every traitor from the palace I swear it you act too hastily brother Warrior the prince is quick of temper but he cools quickly too he has sent me to fetch you come to the palace with me my honor is at stake I'll not rest till I've exposeed these Scoundrels Notting with Black Oak Arkansas have you forgotten the pledge we took K Moritz the younger brother shall heed the older that was our pledge a prince is wise and knows whom to send here no no one could persuade me to go but you dbar dvar come let us go to the Palace now anyway on melo's place that oh no more sh why did you draw your bow and anger beneath my window to avenge the wrong you did in accusing me unjustly sire the Aral did not leave his bone he has evil thoughts of you o Prince I saw him trample your coat on the ground thusly and threatened to do the same to you sire yes I heard him threatened that a moment yes he did it his you're out of order the whole damn Castle's out of order but I did not threaten you my prince he is not to be trusted sire he will stir the entire court into Mutiny sire there's the little matter of an unauthorized fact listen already they are rebellious it is not in the streets the treachery is planned oh my prince it's at a Chili's it is right here in the palace that it is hidden your words are empty Ilia they are untrue what shall we do do with this traitor away with him to the dungeon feed him bread and water H then a salad and an appetizer perhaps there he will learn humility and wisdom Prince Panda I thank you for inviting me to Feast with you and you too derar for persuading me to come I always believed you to be on the side of Justice my prince let Ila Go free he boasted that he would rule our country the deed is done now lead him away take him to the dungon you know it would be easy to grab the wrong whiskery fat guy and I so will I could have crumbled your Palace into bits but I had no wish to spoil its decorations the will come Prince Vander when you will bow to me I can be such a [ __ ] no lead me away lackes and schemers I am weary of this talk everybody's talking at me it is not aam morit you have wronged but our country herself you have taken the sword from her hand he speaks the truth we swear never to set foot in the palace don't we you banished us as well finland's annnual emotional Outburst uh all for one and one for all no be in my ready room oh I hate this thing it does not not make me feel pretty what you have done is most unwise my dear let him go free send him away to a village he has performed many services for our country dear perky wife feed him well mind you look after him spread some papers give him a chew toy you will repent that Country Bumpkin thinks himself higher than the prince he is much too proud he will never repent feed him well I tell you feed him well I command it so they fed him ice and water oh the ice seems safe let's drive our pickup onto it yes Finland is a fourseason vacation Paradise I always get put right next to the ice machine July in Minnesota okay we get it the cycle of Fring life I think it's a film on sex feed him well he tells me this Legend could have used some punching up Legend of Boggy Creek had more depth that I have not done nor will I just empty the chamber pot he must have died of hungo seven moons have passed I must send the signal to Sak now Swift River you must help carry my message to the tar who wait this promised signal which will be the sign to attack I lovely fish hey what are you doing up there ehy oh oh Haven had thing there was someone down there I'm ring Williams Oh I could go my whole life without seeing that well they call him the streak I smell fresh pants I'll make myself a soup out of these trousers ah this is strange I set a trap for a fox i' catch a pair of breaches instead now I am folding them and now I'm holding this up this key looks familiar I have seen it before bending over now ah this looks like trickery that Devil Is A sly one but I can play trick too hey you don't need to convince us wacky prop comic ludus top wherever you like oh where the tide takes you beyond the seven seene yeah this scene sure brings the film into sharp [Music] Focus Jo news oh exalted one I'm a bird go away passing Merchants have told me of the prince got my headphones on thrown mored into a prison but all the Nobles are deserting for home and refusing to [Music] fight bring good news I I destroy the infidels who dare defy me it's Boris bof saddle the horses s fre Roy get that horse out of my living room the signal we have just found it in the river he kept his word that Sly one this was the signal we arranged once again khen I served you well let me see what you have drop them he sent a pantag I ordered Heather b elab a pair of breaches these pants have stirred something deep inside me what does it signify to you it signifies the man had a large can they are ready to surrender to KH huh Blossom was really funny last night you see these breaches are a symbol of the unconquerable might of khen and we'll take them in trumpets as it were each ready to Herald the power and the glory that K I don't know what I'm talking about here I see two roads here and both of them will lead khen to Victory yes Victory shall be ours finally ah the golden age are making stuff up the ATT must be timed according to the star you are correct sir it is not yet time to attack until the dods of battle tell us we will bide our time we will wear our pads un saddle all the horses okay and while khen waited for a favorable sign Ilia muret rotted in a dark dungeon unaware that his wife had borne the son he so fervently wanted and so the months slipped by like a pair of pants you are still only a baby and already stronger than an oak and dumber than gr my son grow tall and strong and be like your father I'm trying with courage like his but I want to watch Power Rangers strength as well can I get some breakfast or what little Falcon my son this is your present from him is my face as weird as it feels baras ready well kiss your aunt Bernice run along and play little one oh thanks what's the draw strength on this thing could I take down an elk why do you not love me you look like R Paul why do you run away how many times must I tell you I wish to keep you for my own never I despise you he has an Audi in the middle of his head who loves you baby you shall never touch me khen I swear it on my life what manner of man are you to force me Kings gravel at my feet and so will you my dear I would sooner you threw me into a cage of of wild animals done and done you will never have me I do need a father mom I will kill you got on Country the Little Wolf C he fights HH I got it handled mom what I'm a Mongol I shall teach you how to fight and your enemy shall be the cursive Prince sound all right Uncle poo can I shoot you in the back oh Frampton Comes Alive ow jeez I've never hit a damn thing it's astounding you are still a boy little Falcon and already you have the strength of a warrior you shall challenge our champion to a jousting B we'll put it on pay-per-view show us little Falcon whom I call my son how skillfully you wield a land Michael ke I know I shall be proud of you the Tower of gourd's horn section what do I do with [Music] this that's funny where's he going Jerry that's it I want my money back should there be a dragging around pretty [Music] soon what do you laugh what I don't get it what a dungeon with this weakly let him guard the captain sorry something I [Music] ate well done little Falcon you have earned the cap of champion to where as your own now Mongolian stir fry for everyone the time has come to take up our arms we move at last wow now that is a hoorde this is a free Festival now man I wish we had the yogurt franchise for this horde it's kind of a Mingus Jazzy for hello little Mong hard giant pair of pants back there so they walked from China to Finland are we going the right way just following you I don't know one guy following along with a pooper scooper sounds like a conero for tany and carh Horn I'm going to hellsinki to personally spear that stump throwing son of a [ __ ] will the lawence of Arabia people please get to their proper sets [Music] no keep it open oh great our plan is ruined give us 700 cards filled with gold Prince Vander or prepare to surrender yourself as hostage Almighty Chief Ken gives you three hours to reply if you refuse your bones will bleach in the sun it's a white sock pen it I think we will take your princess captive for the pleasure of our chief give this reply to Caren what you have demanded we will pay you in 3 days from now we have to call and clear it with the bank you must bring your tribute to Colleen's camp at the river well which of your Nobles will you send to fight them here they are choose one chiropractor the time so truly morit when he said there would be many to Feast with you but none to stand up for our land he spoke wisely he you Mongols need another wife oh if only IL you were with us this khen would not keep us in terror aalii is keeping them in Terror I shall go to him and ask his forgiveness Prince radiant Prince he may be dead he has refused food and drink why have you kept this from me open the dungeon you'll pay for this you hold a fin by the beard it immobilizes him wait here radiant Prince I must run and fetch the key I do not have it with me is this not the key key I believe this is the key to the dungeon sire all a damn confusing kingdom [Music] here so you wiing scoundrel you sted him to death son of misery hey I just got to sleep after 20 years he's alive alive well as alive as a Finn gets anyway is alive I F him Prince as you commanded he Li my prince he is the traitor who has plotted against you he's got bad head it was this that I came to tell you but I was thrown into this dark dungeon instead and I wake up with my beard in my mouth not so he would have died in this dungeon without my bread and water it was my veia Who Saved My Life come I will show you what she did I'll Never Smile Again I must warn you I've got a weird scene going here a miracle truly a miracle that's what we need forgive me Ilia I have wronged you help us Ilia against khi you wish my help Prince Ilia we need you honey can I do just one thing great danger threatens the two guys stand at our gate just two guys last numbers of them help usia help forget your grieving CIA pet Rose people say well I thought it over and I will definitely not help you not for your sake my prince Vander nor for the sake of your princess but for the sake of the new Christy minstrels but for the Beloved land which gave me birth and which I love for her will I give my strength for the Regular Joe trying to make a living for the farmers for you in your Ms my golden suit of armor we'll let it out and for that traitor the boiling tar with croutons and melted cheese SP you know I'd kind of like to watch the whole melting tar thing if you would what tell me what do you think we should do first there is one thing we must do without a moment's delay let's have lunch you must summon all of your fighting men to your side to plan the battle at once you love this man I love this man within 3 days I will assemble every warrior in the land just don't get it do you well that didn't work I claim this Mongol for all crows everywhere crows my brethren see what a grand and Noble creature they are but khen's men were restless for plunder and would not wait and Beyond the palace on another plane outside the city they attacked greatly outnumbered the Bold Defenders fought back bravely sort of and won the day but what of Tomorrow well I'm going to sleep in oh he means the movie pile please dispose of your Mongols properly another super fun sight is born Woodstock 2 ends in tragedy the mass effects of watching paully Sha's last movie this indeed was a costly battle but we had to keep the foe in check well I like the prince has wronged us sorely still we have fought against the enemy who threatened us and now we must help him further Alexi not even if the path be strewn with golden coins I will not fight for him again we must forget our feelings the prince stands in his greatest danger and he needs us would you lead me to the princess Once you led Ilia for the Nobles to cheer at do you think I do not feel about Ilia as you do grieving over the faith that is befallen him shall we dance why do you quarrel so something to do has the world grown too narrow for both of you you must hasten to Willam moram he is alive I have heard that he lives he lives yes he is safe and well this is indeed wondrous hey excuse me your smoke wow do we all need our own campfires must have got a hold of some wet wood or something bacon grease yeah you got yourself Quite A View From The Patio Elia we are going to get our butts kicked so bad I'll get used to Mongolian beef everybody uh is there a back way out of this place hey they took the Golden Gate Bridge the 3 days have already passed soon the two guards will strike again there's a lot more than two guys out there no sign of our men I myself shall go to khen and persuade him to grant us three days more oh sweetheart will you bear neither gold nor silver fill new sacks to the brim and load them on gilded carts hearken to these words from a simple farmer my prince we will use torn sacks and load them on Old carts we will take but a small portion of your Treasures I have thought out plan Mongolian you ride slowly and drop a jewel on the ground every 10 Paces drop this old man and you drop a silver coin at every 100 Paces I'll do it later and you at every th000 Paces a golden coin this is great I can't believe how well my plan is working I want them I will expect each of you my Warriors to bring home much gold from his Palace it shall all be our I bet you get most of it all of it [Music] our will you'll be more than two hours sir Mighty Chief colen Prince Vander has sent us here with gifts and bounties as you have commanded the tricks are for kids Monument so the prince has submitted he is wise your prince yes kie here is all the treasure in the first cart silver and not rageous bars and this one is filled with coins of gold and the one beside it is loaded with jewels and will'll throw the guy in too they're all for you unload the cart and pour the gold into my sacks what you don't like our sacks the paper of plastic sir hey a wheat penny are they having their cootie Festival is it this is indeed unfortunate you see it's good burlap I don't know what happened it is quite simple as we prepared to leave the palace walls the prince was in great sorrow as you can understand his riches he loaded on broken carts and his gold he poured into these torn sacks it must all have spilled on the way here you buying any of this and only these few pieces of gold are left well what are you going to do with will your men go back for it or shall I send mine service is our midle name I fear if I send mine you may not get it all from downtown oh baby give me some I got hex hey it's hya what's face yes it is I Elia Mets and behold I have a new job here at the legendary pancake house where I am a waiter hanen that's great and yet the day is filled with woe for we are short of staff and my great heart is filled with sadness for I must take Cindy's shift Ah that's that's too bad and yet little ones my heart rejoices for behold the short stock of wheat cakes Laden with berries and smothered with the cream which is whips and to accompany rushes of bacon and beautiful Links of sausage of por for all to rejoice in or uh you could probably get ham huh ham ham H yeah a little Virginia Honey Baked Ham yes that is a substitution Spa of the devil well now hey hold on there not even a two shall order off the what hey come on you're you're Elia mamat defender of the realm I mean accept this challenge prove to us that you could bring ham yes yes yes I will gather my strength and I shall go forth and I shall go to the back and I shall request ham for it is ham that I seek ham ham ham ham good luck ham then ham good luck with the ham what a stupid square head oh he's not that bad we'll be right back maybe you're right well we searched all day for Chief and have found no gold put him to his death like a dog what kind of dog my Lord do not act in Anger Colleen there is no need to be Hasty about killing me first you must take the treasures that are yours hit me we got all our spoons so when does elia's plan kick in got dick buttkus intensity you're mad aren't you you're mad that's telling him sir oh it's worse than Bobby Knight no it's Bob whosoever steals from me will die by my own sword like the dog that he is come forward Chief Warriors he loves that dog thing gather every coin and treasure pile it fall at my feet move it move it move it it is better to give up the gold than lose our heads empty your pocket the priner repays a thousandfold yes yes pile all the treasure at my feet every piece every coin oh that was gratuitous Ted come on oh and it goes without saying do it like the dogs you [Music] are ah this is better than shopping by mail J's plan seems ungainly oh yes Michael Ovitz at his monthly manager meeting there hope you choke on it there goes my laundry money and d [Music] weed thanks to you it's working the United Way you see Chief Colleen what great riches you have now but it is not enough I want moose and square I still lack one thing to make me content bring to me ilam morat that is what I'd like then shall I Retreat from your gate so shall it be Mighty Cen yo baby you heard him return to the Palace go to the dungeon and seek out Ilia muret and bring him back here with you to this very Place hurry what is his plan and tell the prince not to dally there is not a moment to lose tell him that do you understand am I alone here hello Almighty Chief khen we are searched along every road they're not bringing ilam morets oh and I made pudding in a skull you have deceived me Emissary and you shall die I'm willing to stake my own life on it ilam morat will appear before you if I had ilam morat before me I would Retreat and withdraw my men here I stand a disco Mor now withdraw your men you abound by the promise you have made to retreat Chad I have a big problem with this you think perhaps I am a fool I should chop off your head I had my fingers crossed all the time but for the courage you have shown I might pardon you I shall command and you follow my clever Emissary you shall be one of us never shall I serve a tyrant or or betray my native land we shall fight you to the end until we have regained our freedom there we won take your men and retreat at once Tyrant we shall destroy you each and every one of you tie him up how's this I wish him to be burned alive like a dog sir him here to me I shall bull his arms out of his sockets drag him here with these hands bloody Tyrant I shall crush the breath from your monstrous body har Houdini lives ly them into the thinking te was ready a real sepia tones come over the crowd after him I want him alive Mighty Chief your allies have fled they refused to join you and your men in the attack on Prince Vander ah that felt good well you you must go alone against them and in single combat elas plan is still on don't give up hope this is Arthurian in the sense that Arthur with Dudley Moore is Arthurian H ho I mean hi did your strongest man to meet me in single combat Sunday Sunday Sunday great my fruit cake son is calling me come my young bragger who shouts so loudly I am ready to beat you in single combat you are too old and feeble you are no match for me go home old man hey I walk them alls you must first kill a falcon young man before you B him you are afraid to fight now I shall show you no mercy old one this movie has the same plot as a boy named [Music] C father yes son I want to kill you mother guys I want those going to turn into the guns of Will Sonet Now isn't it h up you young baggot up your strength is great your odor is powerful man I want to go to Art School nice ring you get that wholesale absorbing this into my plan my plan is very flexible hold my Brave Young Warrior I had not thought we would ever meet on the field of battle why did you not kill me when you could old man I would have shown you no mercy were I in your place be not so fiery my wild unbroken cold tell me your name young man and what do they call you who are your father and mother I have no mother I have never seen her I am little Falcon the son of Colleen what you say is not true I am your father oh great my dad's Burl lives do you speak the truth old man is this really the truth yes I speak the truth look now I will show you I got a little birth mark on my left button see this is my ring you are wearing you graduated 83 too wow they get the Family Channel on their ring it's a Little Dutch boy it is as though in a vision I see my mother Mom oh Father will you ever forgive me for what I have done why did you lick me son and now I wish to fight with all my power for The Prince and you kid's loyalty turns on a Dy no my son I have a plan first you must go back and find your mother boy you will know her by the scar on her right cheek from The Sword of one of khen's cugar kind of a long way Dad is there a bus or something we must pretend to fight they are watching us strike me father with all your strength want every Penny's worth jeez who am I Gary Crosby kill them all Massac every one of them old and young spare no one elia's plan moves into phase 9ine you will take the Left Flank Alexi I like white me shar's men will follow along the right flank and I will lead my men through the center of their ranks the prince remains here with his men to defend the palace fog hat prepar is for war no rain no rain no rain we are live from beautiful Trojan Stadium [Applause] today that is one Irish Catholic Family the cattle call for Sound of Music H H the hills are alive run away [Music] 50,000 mariaan traps face off against the Mongol [Music] horde who among you knows my mother he died come on people let's wake up in here I know she is somewhere in this dungeon you're not supposed to be on this floor she has a small scar on her right cheek it is the remembrance of a two guard sword now I was was a baby when I last saw her so I'll need to see all your breasts are you Irene mother do not send me away please forgive me go watch TV please I have found my true father did you follow the trail of beer cans he sends you his love did he send any money my boy you have a weird face my boy I could really use my boy right now better check that boat for mil foil R Trojan Horse there the sails after them down with the two guards refight for Dolly Madison oh everyone thought to bring a light [Music] rra here we [Music] go someone in invent water and still more Maria mountain of hurry hog pilot Jim I wish to see the strength of the enemy I must know the size of the force he pits against me no need to explain sir we like making mountains of men [Music] fire want to take you higher trick here is to be one of the last last ones on the pile it's a twar pile up you got your elbow in my groin I need to move my my what is that oh soft come rally to my side Warriors and I will show you where Prince Banda and his cowards hi I shall be the echo responding to his call the first product of the Acme company [Music] my feelings go now to the game release dooma the fire dragon the palace will be nothing but ashes and smoke can we get up [Music] now it's gidra okay we're going left I say we're going right would you two quit arguing I'll decide oh we're going left I swear we're going left shut up their fire dragon they have released it go little Falon you must go back and help them now no I will not leave leave you here alone no harm shall come to me I will find my way home safely my son admit it we're lost this baby can handle everything but a three-headed D oh son of a I love the smell of dragon breath in the morning this Dragon of theirs breeds fire but we will extinguish him look he flies like a nightingale I heard that I not fly like that look the spear has hit it help the Bombadier I'll handle this guys well if you're sure yeah you two run along okay well the poor little gu is just scared the whole point of having a dragon is to tell the V you have a dragon why did you keep it a secret ah shoot I just waxed that [Music] boat I love my job the prince shall be killed when we are the victors Mor die he shall be burned alive dragon slayer 2 the uncalled for [Music] August grinberg's [Music] Backdraft now for the best part of my plan Retreat get that Dragon the world's biggest [Music] mint thank you hello I'm On Fire H fiery dragon breath this is like our oven [Music] hi can I help you you somebody putting away the [Music] silverware father together we shall send this fiery monster back to the hell he came from Little fonus Falcon you get down from there right now come I always have to carve water not for me dragon head all right great Dragon sandwiches for the next month follow me Warriors the enemy is in Retreat we shall drive them into the sea horse looks like Stallone jia's plan is still being taught at rest point gee the sky is as clear as Gary Indiana you know now I have an unhealthy hatred of finish people I suppose huh yeah it's been we've been on there quite a while get back [Music] home you don't want to ride those horses you can take the fard make a big mountain no we W have make Mountain [Music] just foxy lady back back col F this god of battle listen to my oath spare me and I Shall Serve you I promise this oo is there a dipping sauce prepare to die talk of aali spare me I beg of you be merciful spare a handful of two guards please so we may be get done stay your hand Warrior our people shall judge the fate of car let us take him alive to the Palace bit him like the Cur that he is stuff him in the sack and carry him back to the Palace those guys are so fun at times like this if you can laugh once in a war so ends the mighty Chief your Hills are in [Music] plaines IIA my love I have some things to explain about me and the wind demon feel you my dearest I want to feel you last I have found you hey they captured Billy Bon it's housing project Hill I have Rock ports in your honor Elia we shall have a feast now get back to the dungeon you hence forth Elia you shall live in the palace you shall become a noble or a prince all some I thank you my prince but I could not live at the palace it stinks in there I must pursue my destiny I must go where Adventure leads me I'm joining the Hogan T the road to life has many different paths this Brave and willing Soldier he will serve you well at cour he is my son so be it we should be proud to have with us the son of Il Mor even though he is a Mongol bastard bring no dishonor on the magic sword of iminer gee Dad it's a daisy ow I cut myself I accept this sword and I shall honor it always father bravo bravo bravo bravo respects the rights of the artist but elia's son did bring dishonor he traded the sword for a lid and got high in the palace so long country pumpkin fresh as Frost out on the pumpkin I'll se some sides [Music] you hear Kate Mulgrew is Mrs Bard yes hey guys I got a hold of the first edition of gypsy's review of our political satirical review oh yeah oh don't read that stuff why feel bad if you don't have to oh come on Mike I'm sure you got a mention now let's take a look here all righty here goes as I watched Super fragilistic xala wacky one question clawed at my brain does such Delight actually dwell in the universe here it comes the answer is yes yes yes hey and it comes in a big blonde package called Mike Nelson there you go right into reverent Mr Nelson Thrills the viewer with his charismatic presence what a treat this man is wow Mr Servo however bounded on this yeah yeah um Mr Servo however bounded on the stage shrieking his lines shrill as a fish wife who or what put this man on stage Burr uh Crow t robot rounds out the cast well hey you really did round out the cast I did yeah yeah and you I mean a fish wife that that's good that's good right cuz what is a fish wife but chop fish hey look the things the guy calling Hey n Stony probably noticed all the skirts running around down here place was lousy with them well they're gone now but if they were still [Music] here yep they four words to describe the climate down here va va va boom you know Clay you and I should go cruising for some more lady love a no doubt no doubt Frankie but uh I've got a bag up the rest of my Animal Man collection if it weren't for that poom understood my friend understood it's like me right now I'd go out cruising for some more lady loves but there are three very good reasons why I can't Universal action pack [Music] la [Music] [Applause] [Music] this has been a presentation from Comedy [Music] Central e e e e e e e e e e e e

Channel: analogkid01

Views: 941,851

Keywords: MST3k

Id: B-9oH_moNRY

Length: 97min 1sec (5821 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 10 2011