MST3k 704 - The Incredible Melting Man

now keep in my control begin oh yeah try to keep his sanity with the help of robot friends other science facts tricky to yourself is just in the show I should really just relax did I tell you my mother's here hi everyone welcome to the satellite of love in honor of the Fall Classic servos gonna Chuck a few in here we're gonna play a little hardball own stand in there Babel we bet I'm gonna stand in here baby oh here we go Hey hi Rita what do you mean hi Rhea that ball almost hit me Mikey can't hurt your balls and strikes I'll bounce you what's the matter Nelson can't handle a little chin music come on your mama's boy you eat it Oh give me that way yes Chi come on all right that's it come on Nelson hello oh you're gonna get on the card don't matter alright Mike got your hamburger sandwich and french fried potatoes for you pal oh thanks luck - I'm sorry what's that you said I said thank cookie kid oh you Mike now say I was born on a pirate ship I was born on a canned is not good because I think that well why don't we get the cans and cans will happen again okay take it hi guys pearl and I have some news for you cool beans are at the studio ball one of your screenplays earth vs. soup you've got to be kidding me oh no way oh man oh no way off oh man don't I finally saw the screenplay okay people the long and short of it is that mother and I are in charge and will be shepherding your little project for the studio mmm great okay guys we need to talk about some things do you have all your people there good oh do you have your scripts as everyone's set to go how is large okay great art I have looked over your script oh good let me just say that I will not have this grip tampered with and clearly there are some major script revisions needed sure a great absolutely flying fine whatever and uh what kind of budget are we looking at here at Pearl at dr. Forrester well we could only get you about 30 million for the entire movie so how that shakes out is roughly well 10% for each of us 10% for the company insurance administration holding fee completion bonds so we should be able to shoot you about $800 for the entire movie what 800 from 4:30 lip I can't do anything for $800 come on huh he'll need him once said give me a Firebird and a dilapidated building and I'll give you drama oh wait hundred sounds fine oh okay all right okay okay we're making a movie hey you got it you're gonna be in my movie right yeah and the studio insists on Kevin Bacon Kevin Bacon are we supposed to get Kevin Bacon we can't afford him are we gonna get him up here well again guys this is the big time well the time has come to look at this issue and by the end of the day we'll be glad you did okay okay okay okay sure fine sounds good I'll get my people right on that oh and uh dr. Forrester pearl thank you okay people what we doing around round guy with surfboard international shouldn't we be looking through a pinhole and a piece of cardboard looks like we saved Kuwait again edie sedgwick know that global warming is a fake ruse by some liberal pablum puking liberals Arthur says Rosenberg to the mats ground control to Rosenberg 30 seconds and counting astronauts report conditions good low humidity - 25 seconds and that's lost today 20 seconds and counting the George Hamilton storm hit second guidance internal these guys talking to us well now the guy they Jam into free water passes and session signals occurs sex and it just goes on from there you get the ID war boy I'm paid bird bird only come on back me up on a stone we hugging liftoff Saturn clear yeah they got the Saturn fast that's all freeways now just sit right there mr. özgür Neil v mr. control I just called the toilet 40 seconds well somebody better start melting pretty soon or I'm gonna lose patience I hope they have you seen on the speed dial if your car these are so flexible I can pick up a dime over they shouldn't have had phil spector designed their space capsule thanks for camping out with me thought you were gonna turn the yard light off shut down to ten by three or five point six I still think we should have gone in Venus rings Roger we got me walls come friend lose contact with Saturn's rings pick up ten five twenty and luck thank you Roger out I really thank you you've been great Arceus indicates green green confirmed I knew Xander's Auto now can you stir the tanks without killing us this time I am you clarity reverse you are not me quit saying that no one has ever seen anything like this we're still on the pad run fakie Russian yeah you are gage what's the confuse ometer listen crap from Apollo 13 it's us there we are baby Houston could you turn your radio down please are you alright communications back I read you I read you just blow up and mouth magnificent you've never seen anything until seen the Sun through the rings of Saturn yeah that's not what this is but we'll show you a film that sort of suggests how much you do guys like Jupiter I think we just blew it up sorry over yeah I suppose we got to get back to Sanders okay looks like a map of Vietnam I just realized I'm Leroy Nieman fall a little blue well that was one hot burrito oh oh well let's go - picture picture you're looking live at the parquet floor of NASA's hospital oh that's not Rosie O'Donnell I don't think the happy clown therapy is helping well melted at 1:30 and at 4 o'clock let's see recumbent bikes available at 4 that means helping I tried scrubbing the mouth never seen anything like it Linda Ronstadt why don't see the only one to survive he looked like a bowling printer cable you know I better call Ted Nelson check his vital signs every 15 minutes and replace the IV with units of whole blood not to person I'll send for an order no get it yourself it's imperative that this be kept secret yes and I'll need a more tight fitting uniform how's this one here Oh what do they look in the dome Oh NDP they should have taken his ski boots off before they put him down someone put the tree on the ceiling 400 boom whoa-ho-ho no he's got a nice chambray shirt on bedpan bet never mind oh I really should get up oh I'm in the mood for 14 CC of ringers lactate or something I've been jerked my wedding ring where's my wedding ring he's in with some kid getting his tonsils out I came in for a vasectomy oh don't see the wrapping I'm a dried apple head I mean a shop in Door County uh melt you got a little something marshmallows I hate marshmallows Keith Moon in the hospital oh come on I need reassurance right now I'm feeling kind of vulnerable but some weak kool-aid huh why is she running through the easy mini storage we can repair her should be better faster stronger this is where they keep all the parts then done to organ donor city we'll help you find the organ that's just right for you she's a tad squeamish for a nurse I don't know I'll get the door thank you my dress is too small croak oh that's doubly painful ow he's on rollerblades I'm not going to excelling in the shot am i I will maintain my dignity this week on emergency patient proper well doctor shall we uncover the buffet all right what have you got over here what have we got we've got a lot we've got a team that's red-hot why don't I just weigh my salad and then we'll start the autopsy I pulled her wisdom teeth out through her skull I told her not to pick at that thing don't quote me but this wasn't any animal I had misidentified her as an elk and uh that's at all it's worse we couldn't get a tee time great she's full of crickets no it's uh it's not enough to harvest Ted but the radiation is not our real problem hmm we don't even know whether it's contagious or not like can't believe you've said that to me that really hurt dr. mod and dr. groovy shouldn't have escaped and I got like this Ted that's ain't o'clock coffee it's all we had sorry boy the hectic pace of a doctor's life huh you like the haphazard array of medical stuff uh don't you think you're better around like me call general area Burger King command center we shift half a million french fries to Dallas total Perry oh he's not here oh I don't know maybe a thousand whoppers this morning but how I adapted I took good he's a black guy in my office something's come up general what do you mean it's about Steve escape no you want to talk to him off record how long ago about three and a half hours ago who knows about it just me and half a nurse dr. Loring and myself I'll let you keep it that way general I just called hear this please we've got to find him we've got to get him back and we can find him before he hurts someone are you done interrupting not yes here one of my nurse oh my god general he was stronger than the others that's why he lasted so long he's the phone I don't know why general but he seems to be getting stronger all the time yeah no I got too sloppy I'll come up with some answers we've got to know we've got to know exactly what happened before we started oh wait he just came in before tomorrow morning you want it when I know that general and get out there and find him general I will right away nice doing grapefruit breakfast oh look at that gunk what is that skin in those little well let's go put dog poop on his porch always been to a movie theater 42 he's talking to himself like Brando then you're a pal Monty Martin is he fishing for sewer rats got another condom cigarette oh there's a body over there oh jesus is coming his magic spaceship remember yeah ready came dogs are on me mmm-hmm Callum at Harbor means two things to these guys stunted bull heads and old Nowacki if it's a blood see Peter who's that anybody in there come on out Randy Johnson either join me over there oh it's bill gates oh hey you guys scared of fish I think the fish can handle it back there I like his moon boots come on out if you tried windows 95 yet plant I've got a game are you melting man who's gonna eat my face hey you got protoplasm in Makena Potter Judy's pregnant again hey that's great isn't it yeah I'm so happy they're trying if she messes it up this time she's gone weakness 814 we have to be proactive isn't she - about this same time and we moving or isn't the building Scipio she'll need I propose you one and she's pregnant yeah very good about keeping secrets from he might be gone through hell now so what you think the people work here are coming back as far as your locker rational move I'm not getting anything air so flashing 2001 oh that was a freebie hit the water on the right side of the green there's your windows 95 yeah things warming you gotta be security don't worry have a good trip you know whenever anybody says to me don't worry that's when I start to worry well I was dad's corner into ham radio Nass is a soccer for any very large array salesman these 70 small dishes attached to any house allowing for excellent reception employees of Paragon cable please welcome the President of the United States morning sweetums look I guess I'll try it though never have done that stint on Mork & Mindy driver what's it like up there I'll see if I should swing back pick up some dirties hello dr. Nelson this is Perry you have any news woman not yet I just got in had to meet sue lucky you caught me I'm coming down a doctor I'll be leaving within the hour I'm flying a civil jet I want you to meet me it's so bogus that I have one day we're gonna get here are you bringing Bryce about 1600 hours I hope to hell you found him by then 1,600 op so like five months from now and goodbye should I have said goodbye damn it vodka vodka of course sweetheart I didn't hear you come in but bastard hung up on me but a second time today Karen and Richard Carpenter at home old Perry on the phone least it was until he so how's your body coming I had my breasts lowered in my hips pulled out at odd angles I hope that's okay her area dominates her front side general wants me to go find the odds cam melting man Steve escaped Oh God what you got what are you gonna do first I've got to lose a little weight oh did you get some crackers I told you yesterday that we needed some crackers oh I forgot I knew there was something that's good you know there's oh there's a pad right by the phone no you could write it down too if I made a mistake and they just went home with the actor so we don't have any crackers Ted let's date raging balls state Steve had crabs gotta go out and find Steve why you because nobody else is supposed to know right Chris sociable 'he's anything you so please don't forget that fact when the general gets here that's all I need are you fine I can use the Geiger counter I came back follow his trail with it Geiger counter means radioactive just a little bit just a little how long have I been 40 years older than you Tinkerbell come down out of that tree way down upon the Swan here if oh I'm clearing my glasses I can't see a tangle oh boy [ __ ] a head wind here that is one light head better he's off the ramp bursting with flavor to water the bright side at least I didn't break my back Joe Camel says we should oh it's alive with pleasure rod is my turn it's smooth just can't see us ever regretting this oh you don't hail that's why you don't call anyway let's get cracking on that script Hey nosy I won't tell no tattletale yeah I'll bet I play doctor no except at one time cheek yeah if you have to try it well that's buttered out well she's gonna get lipstick on it you TiVo see sue oh don't insult my cigarettes I'll never kiss her she smells come on next lie down by the waterfall come on maybe we'll find Conrad Janice's skull we're free and it's fun and we're innocent and it'll be sad when we find my head can you wait a minute I need a cigarette this is the I would put some Vickers knocked it down it's too bad come on let's go women are so good at empathy okay listen up everyone our film exact Spurling clay thought it might be a good idea to use a small 45 percent of the budget and take a shuttlecraft up here and have little script conf at one page script can't we handle it by cutting it meat puppet I'll make sure you can't even get a job in TV when this is over I'll pull the middle out of those bags ah ah they're here Oh clay pearl welcome I'm sure whatever okay we've got a busy day what have you got for us well to start why don't we grab a seat then I'll just nip off for some Pellegrino's how is this ever gonna split up she does me good oh right clay pearl have you met Thompson no let's go okay great stop page 1a with I don't have one eh I just have one did you guys fax us the changes yes ma'am shot those off a while ago I don't have a memory I got Stampeder grades at the University of Minnesota you know one of these reading copy little more duty the last three pay the Marquez out of the margin you may be marching to each one take that one and Cajuns right and also we did that aren't eight need a second page that we came on Sam in a second just one you have that you know I don't think you have that with a customer stick and then yeah that's right there pretty much that should take care of it so let's get started okay people we've got a screening to get you great meaning I really think we're getting back wait we got commercial sign will call yo hey great meeting she's deep in left field at Wrigley and zoom-zoom-zoom i zoom what look back look mom I don't want to be in debts movie anymore have a biased eros is way off the fairway I heard you you're behind that tree now come on out trying to kill you there are no rules per sales please honey don't do that no okay we're gonna try it again you need to scream right away Susan Oh like you're a total Fox look my radial keratotomy surgery went haywire you dirty rant you killed my brother buy it now hey no screaming unless melting men are after you nice very funny article in SWANCC it's probably very hard to love kids back in the seventies Frankenstein wasn't the actual monster he was the doctor Oh hit right in the breadbasket there we will return to denim theater come on honey break it down in the wind I'm not coming back Jim holiday this has been what a rare mood I'm in mr. dung beetle saw what happened here to comment babe it's Ted Oh that'll bring him in let me help you no play there'll be no more of those scary horror movies for you no wonder you're seeing things there is no such thing as banging fun it's a story like Snow White can you hear me Steve I'm all alone I want to help you I want to share my secrets with you Steve just call doesn't anybody want to sing karaoke with me survive out here by yourself they shrunk me and I'm trapped of this huge lugs come on back to the hospital Steve they have jello today Steve you can help mother we've got to find out what went wrong Steve Billy Jack at Los Alamos must be some pretty close Steve I found some lovely wild fellow I never wanted to see its cat this would be going so much better if you'd eaten some crackers I'm actually beginning to hate Hans Geiger and keep the wrist straight of the be easy big fella easy hey there's a spool of crappies in there if you for luck you'll get gored by a radioactive elk hey you're overloading my detector on Steve it's me Ted Nelson Oh Ted Nelson plumbing and heating Steve I want to help you okay fine it's getting the point where I don't want to help you just gonna be cut squeeze through here Oh Ted Nelson Ted Nelson Nelson Nelson awesome now son Nelson Crazy Legs Nelson remember Hanuman mr. Carter's desk he's got the metronome turned up waiting oh god miss mrs. Robinson no no chestnut blight is bad this year he could fell off a Chianti bottle oh god it is here I've been following Vaughn God the Beatles Oh nobody here cut maggots how are you Yosemite Sam weakness to nephew network Thank You to Negril mine $50 was no problem so they're using that big pen to indicate scale thought I am but I lost him the end we're out of crackers mr. more like James close do they have a lot of money to do all right don't just break sorry that'll be [ __ ] right my golf clubs - dancing keep it on the road Ted Nelson I don't like to look through that roving bands of coroner let's check it out right let's go perhaps we can improve its looks wasn't it back the other way yeah let's not check it out you're right I suppose it's an emergency that lie pole oh it's Oh Cat Stevens is on the scene not now Carrie I'll return to eNOS the general has something to tell you go ahead general tell him how you don't like the looks of this hiya doc Neal well I'd rather stand if you don't mind anything I can do for you you can paint my house no there's nothing anybody can do for him let's cover up the naughty bits here oh you've met Lydia Oh Neal this is uh this is Michael Perry he's visiting the research center as a freely a Blake please meet you sure honey would you mind if I ever told you sometime take a look at the body they'll know doc as a matter of fact you may be able to tell us what in blazes happened to the guy and a sheriff most of this movie and I've never seen anything like it mommy where do the children play beat it nice sweater though yeah cat his lawnmower up on blocks to repair at Port dope we oh man he likes me oh my stars carlo gambino well I'll tucked in then good get this scumbag out of here my wife's prayers no crackers now this thought you'd be interested not good not saying I'm gonna buy it it what looks to me like it was done by like a wild animal yeah like a bear you know bears around here anymore doc you know that well maybe an emperor limpet yeah when happen to know anything about this case would you nope that's what I thought take care see playing a high school kid or an imminent secession let's get him out of here it's a photographer damage car fire to Santa marinade come on okay that's it lick your grill come on throw your wipers back show me a little more tire reminiscence about countdowns its Bello camp dad's of the seventies I am a fugitive from the pajama game I just end up to running this morning customer needs assistance in housewares Wow Stan Deary me like just had the weirdest Buell right communication back I read you I read him good the seas against magnificent you've never seen anything since you've seen the Sun for the rings of Saturn well neither than show it again I could really see what they were getting caution filling is hot add these been actual pictures of the rings of Saturn I'm glad my mom bought me the snow suit now there's a Hellfire and brimstone watch for steel-mill acts and Goodhue counties this makes me thirsty for a Corona Houston put mr. Woodman on counter as a nosebleed wow that went down the wrong pipe the boob man it's Matt don't you like it I wish everyone would rank so we wouldn't stick to everything have fun of having stumps as red goo shoes how's pen blew up again I'm losing it look out okay okay it's cool I'm leaving no hassle man he needs a mission statement how do we convey the fact that a phone is ringing hello hi it's me any crackers yet I swiped a Moonpie in the corner yeah fine is it general there yes did you find him you oh just answer no no done with your girlfriend are you going out again I love you baby oh I really don't know oh I wish you were dead I just a minute and I'll ask do you want to eat over you can't too bad so would you both like to come to our house for dinner tonight God oh not tonight thanks Ted all I want to do is go home and get some sleep I have to run this place by to God so he has to supervise himself I'll accept that invitation got him but I warn you I'm in a wild mood we'll take a break yeah looks like we've lost the poor bastard in general Perry would love to come to dinner okay oh by the way mother and her friend Harold are coming over to Jesus a sitcom blog mom please not tonight huh I can't you can't you call them or something I I don't think that I could take it tonight I can't they're already on their way I should have been here by now oh look another bad do you think we ought to stop and call tell them relay and they already know we're late dope dings they were broad minded to cast aliens in this room stop and buy them a gift or something a rubber novel like what oh I don't know can dear flower Redeemer you know I don't like buying flowers is such a waste of money they die so quickly and Judy should not eat candy during her pregnancy my mother eat candy I turned out I know you wanted the candy for yourself is not good gin game I still think we should call someone switch realities there in a few minutes I'm taking a shortcut no kidding huh I thought this was Park Avenue incredible melting grandma mom not a greatest while I'm driving still better than mrs. Doubtfire oh man they could knock a buzzard off garbage scow Noreen's bro I'm gonna squeeze one of those let that just ripped out my body Helen there's a dead turtle at whenever lemons not already let one no fun anymore besides lemons would be better I can make you a nice lemon meringue pie would you like that darling she's the crack magazine you died goes nearly 11:00 so it looks like a killer clown from outer space you will funny Betty oh god no more debts he really gets to be I think it's starting to clear up a little look harder Simba shut up stupid waters shut up I think you shampoo had the wrong th day me down in the tall grass and hating my selling laugh she's got huge birds feeling down here for this oh hello I love my go-go boots huh and they were never seen again Lazare dad said they would meet us here by the way I just like to cuddle isn't this romantic uh-huh look at that move just pick your lemons and leadplayer pleasure quiet now okay I'm not the one with doing it 40 skyrockets in flight and like I just thought of something Wow oh wait I forgot can we put the lemons oh you're just becoming and thrown toss them down here Helen Harold what is happening now be careful your honor of course I'd be careful be quiet here well that's later gear your leg up here honey oh I'm scared let's get the hell out of here let's hide in one of your skin flaps there are yards of cable and 15 operators required to run these people in holster hold look not yet hold onto him okay now the getaway oh god we forgot our coffee discounted Burger King pet dogs my ass it was the dog with the hip replacement oh the old ticker is really gone then so is the heart are you okay yes I think so why don't we stop in town and get a nice bottle of wine drink into the town that's a good idea folks I'm with the DNR I'm investigating the theft of some lemons from this Grove thank you yeah I'm worried about my mother in here oh they should have been here by now you know how the citrus industry tempts them why have you tried calling her apartment yeah every 10 minutes for the last hour well then they must be dead what about his place do we have his number no his phone's been disconnected yes ma'am I bet I know what happened bet you that old car vus broke down you know he's got to be a simple explanation stop worrying he probably went off the road and hit a bridge above me it's just I don't know Steve another face no cracker I'm frightened what about Steve mrs. Nelson and why are you frightened we'll come on in I guess general Harry I thought you were taking a nap that was it seems i wakened just in time I had a bad dream doctor you are a civilian but in this emergency you're under my direct command then I was quite specific when I told you that no information would be divulged to any or each other Christ she's my wife that does not exclude her from my orders everybody's gonna know about it by morning we're gonna shoot this any time today or what lock yourself you little Santa press you [ __ ] in you walk yourself you don't maybe mr. robot will want a southern acts to do all right hello everyone sorry sorry oh hello gypsy you look splendid today mr. Kevin Bacon lovely to work with you again lovely beautiful well well well well what are we doing Judy what are we doing we're shooting the film today mr. robot and we're all set and the camera right where it always is mr. robot right over there none of your lip Judy aah cambot wonderful let's see if we can't squeeze a little of your magic onto 35-millimeter mmm no say pop oh hey can we get going cuz you know we gotta go of course Judy what am i doing angle shooting the first scene mr. robot excellent and action roll sound roll sound speed camera I know camera rolling marker 101 a take one and action crow god dammit what is your problem Kevin well you're right in the shot I'm sorry ah so I am and suddenly you've become the director well I guess we can't shoot today mr. bacon isn't very happy well just so happens that Cassavetes was in plenty of his own films and so is Stallone Coleman Francis he'll need him all the greats I just didn't think you want to be smacked to have a very good Judy what am i doing don't another take mr. robot excellent and this time I choose not to be in the scene okay and action roll sound roll sound speed camera camera I know camera rolling marker 101 a take two and action why sweet Marie you know I got a heck great that's a wrap everyone beautiful work thank you so much it wonderful do it that's it that's all I didn't get the same beans ah well we'll look to your lines in ADR the rest is second unit stuff thank you everyone I'm off by or dope spent the whole engine bucks on the scarf oh boy I really sunk this low am I really gonna start digging up bodies those old folks gave them a taste for aged meat Benjamin gets to the Church of little lakes churches are eager for new members have probably just let him right in guy this o beats the Cryptkeeper while he's there god bless drippy and runny and sticky Oh Ruffy why did you have to die I forgot to take his apricot facial off another victim of the great honey dijon disaster oh I should have brought a Kleenex resurrection in t-minus 15 Lords main boosters have ignited tell man you got this flashback memorized should have had his colors done it's like when you take like a song out of your head hey hum seasons in the Sun that should dislodge it yeah this flashback to sort of Peters out of the woods they'll pick up courtesy phone they melt somewhere else knows oh man I can't eat another cuddle I am so full now better you clean up I'm reading the gospel I could really use a drink about now three afraid I just yet another road I want to check out before we go back home I'll make two whole roads you know doctor I was married once I had a good wife what's the matter you afraid to go home no I'm not afraid we can't eat here I'm ashamed I don't deserve to be Ted Nelson Wow one that little skating contest but it cost me yeah Tommy spilled your wood glue and push me in it you plants are getting way too fit you don't need very much water that's a baby hand put it at spider farinelli and they specifically moved to an outer ring suburb to get away from incredible melting moon I'm enjoying my 70s lifestyle I'll tell me when the cameras rolling okay type that banner from Catholic Church I'm knitting myself a new husband glad there are no books or magazines in this home there is no reason for us to have any reading material this will keep the general warm for his next nap with us he's Pillsbury cinnamon glaze this is basically the same story it's Frosty the Snowman I'd love to go ahead but I don't want to melt all over their carpet which way am I facing he's right I should have anticipated his cracker needs it's an enormous bootie it ted's lucky to have married a pistol like her is he crying or dripping I'll stop the world and melt with you Wow she's knitted a lot of pillows tonight remember when everyone had one of those giant black velvet moth posters yeah right well nothing's happening here I got stuff to do ah she dumped stitch okay that you just rubbing my legs together don't mess with the tympani honey ahead of tuned for the mauler I err toe is that you the melting man just needs to borrow a kettle to melt into careful the paneling is out acting you although this kitchen is badly decorated it's not inherently terrifying right paneling is less wooden than her hey I didn't do it I found it this way oh yeah it dragged the milk out of the fridge and dropped it on the floor I'm dr. Ted Nelson take it easy take it easy Oh take it easy take it easy I have to check you into the sanitarium again honey okay good they're a little bit oh it's like hugging a broom come to melting man farms and pick your own melting man you know you're melting Matt's diet consists solely of eucalyptus leaves and human flesh Oh guess I've been behaving like an ass lately am I what do you in the audience think have I I don't know how to handle these things I am I am a doctor not a belly itcher I am NOT a policeman penny my mother's dead rubbery trolls everywhere mourn her passing yes honey we went to the funeral 10 years ago nope my mother's dead Judy I told you that we never found honey Seinfeld's on darlin we're gonna leave her out for the polar bears anyway yes don't ask me about my day see you know I they just don't make you know that's what this film needed country music you for pushing eating tall as is an area that needs heavy patrol I hope she's not using the lemons like Susan Sarandon Oh God our hips have locked knows about you man there's teeth and wigs and trusses all over the place Oh either they brought a dish to pass or that's their entrails uh yes country music an ironic testament to the tragedy of course you know old people are easier to tear apart see are we allowed to keep roadkill in the state oh you're going to magic land honey alright that is guaranteed to make you sleep there is some gigantism associated with this drug can I go out and you get some more of this stuff see the sheriff now but the good general perry is going to be here with you the whole time so don't worry okay I won't be gone long any of this getting through careful I will wow she's radiant take care of yourselves we will hello movie I'll see you fires start start fire fire general would you do me a favor and stay with Judy will I go out and meet the sheriff look cool is dr. blood there's some leftover turkey in the refrigerator if you'd like to have something to eat it sounds good what about you you really should eat something before you live no I'm not hungry it's a no leaning down now Jenna why'd you just call me Mike even though my name is torie and I'm ready to I'm sorry about before about losing my composure with Ewing a lady just that this this whole thing's really got me uptight that's all right did I take anything out the thong he just worked the bag for anything like this but I did get the lead in the Coleman Francis story nasty miss you can't go by the book there's nothing in the book there's no way to cope and there's a clock there they're just seven hours to go until Captain Kangaroo man you stop it no way I don't follow you my friend no way there's a face you have to get used to seconds quickly as I can I'll guard the beer hmm I'm here for my dermabrasion with dr. Ted Nelson oh well I suppose I could reminisce about my countdown again that would kill some time sounds like a Jews harp with a whammy bar oh hey could you guys snag me some diet coke while you're out he's gonna steal back his snowblower huh what what I was just fighting my life well okay okay see beer your baking soda brown mustard beer god I love you this man is a brilliant tactician hmm beer turkey leg stripped down to my underwear and some porn I'm all set oh you soap in his windows gone too far this is a very moist movie can I just put a bid up on the screen yes well the baby is discovering the wonders of goofballs could you turn some of your lights off we're kind of getting next door ma'am I borrow a drop cloth Oh bad that would sit by Silas's so is this the incredible part what did go on here doc during the Ice Age glaciers move through oh you mean Risa then you better tell me what's going down around here before there's nobody left in this town well to begin with I'm dr. Ted Nelson do that Neal it's classified for God's sake doc people are dying God if I got ya geez mother does that mean anything to you of course it means something to me I don't run with him what for how about aiding and abetting a criminal I wish I could tell you yeah I would like to be able to tell come on Doc now I'm gonna find out just what is going on and neither of us is leaving this spot until I do what a knob that Perry character has got something to do with this doesn't he yeah I've seen pulling like him when I was in the army damn it he's got brass written all over him listen Ted I got a right to know well it was mine all these people that have died they're my people Ted and yours I don't own them they don't got my name on them if I tell you I want you to promise me dr. Q know do you or do you not want to know I want to know then you tell nobody not even your wife you know I live with mom well can I hit you with my flashlight you know I'm not married Ted I know I was just trying to hurt your feelings I'll tell you about it on the way let's go find him find who I thought you knew let's see there's been over several times when they just won't admit it tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps at its petty pace from day to day until the last syllable of recorded time dad try the next spaghetti I love you will you be mrs. turkey leg Perry ah well Merry Christmas mm-hmm when I should call up some of the other generals 321 me to swallow wonder wonder what colin is up to tonight none there's pudding in the melting man to make him moister where could i hide this let's see whoo good thing the old lady's asleep give me a big kiss oh we saw that and keep the beard meanwhile in limbo houston we have a problem we're so lost don't mind I just wanted to take a quick looking at Judy before we started the search she'll are floating no Perry's with her the fridge when's the baby due don't talk about our baby Martha not for some time yet your first isn't it mm-hmm yes it is you I delivered a baby once right back there that's what a finger smells Ted the doors open say uncle signal you no no a speed bump center car on general in general somebody took and left a perfectly good general laying in the middle of the road yeah don't eat the rest of the turkey let's make a pretty good dip of taco chips while on Martha's Vineyard well I sure had a good time at the car wash Fred that person looks a lot like Bonnie Franklin from a long way off some enchanted evening you may meet a redneck you may see a redneck across a bingo hall inside oh no Jesus did you leave the door open again are you gonna last went out not me I was well don't you remember you went back in to check what time the movie started you grabbed the one hitter right that's right I did the movie start you know did you sneeze really hard on the door handle what the hell is this stuff you have your stigmata again now there's something strange going on here I want you to wait outside I'm going in no I'm doing here I'll throw the baloney out to you good to go listen to some elo we're missing the beginning of e Hall I wanted to talk about the jim Varney film gee sweetheart wake out I'll talk you down honey there's nothing the matter you're okay that's all it counts I'm fine if you could just like going yeah he was outside screaming and yelling ah come here quick the general is still down everything's gonna be just fine it's like I'll have to drug you again god she's beautiful when she sleeps no man she's a strange cross between Barry and Cindy Williams death didn't she sit behind the Sweathogs okay I'm starting to get that stoned now this scene is lit hey sorry babe I forgot you were out there geez how long does it take to check a double-wide I hope no one disturbed my back issues a cry daddy I'm gonna make up a picture of slow screws and put some hungry man dinners in the oven and fall asleep on the couch until they burn do pork rinds need to be refrigerated well hey who cleaned up guess he decided to defrost that's a good idea there's got to be a jello shooter left ah from the Rhoda Morgenstern line of clothing man I thought we were gonna have beery sex I gotta go yodel groceries there's a UFO hovering over the shot honey North Dallas 40 was really good didn't you think honey honey you don't mind if I put on eat a peach do you I wish someone get killed just so we could move on bring us back to the melting this is a little game they play he jumps out of the dark all pale and blotchy and Newton Harriet someone eating the tuna wiggle man other people have to use the toilet hey tricky flirt with disaster I never like where this was come on mollifying with a Mickey's big mouth Oh almost lost around for around there now what's next what the sink give me the number for 911 a tickets left for 38 special use your words surprise they still don't have their Christmas lights up the hell is that lemon zester hang on I'm gonna fix you a bullhead omelet Kelvinator is coming to attacker huh what does this do Yan can cook yo as she considered just leaving my life is going so well until now guess we'll still be able to play the piano that was weird well back to the intruder in my house oh good now we get to see the rest of the place kotte milk oh they have a racehorse tied up to the wall oh great now the acid kicks in the directors needs ladies gentlemen records nice not one of these people have been in their underwear what a ripoff oh I should send this into life in these United States apparently dear oven nibbling at the woodwork god I hate this wallpaper what how's your wife she's okay she slept right through it what do you want are these your begonias that thing yours hand I think it could be part of the plot oh no I don't know don't touch it might be radioactive no now the poultry industry has problem together you haven't told me everything have you doc no I haven't master your light just as I suspected Lloyd's extra smoky yeah what is it whistle fire Caroline to the city last night too techie like one-legged Turkey did this general was a friend of Steve's - Steve - electric Boogaloo I guess Stevie's really had headquartes College Champlain I'm sure we can use my flat fight sharp they read me go Nora sheriff we got a call from Nell winter she's she's in some sort of trouble with some guy they're running there and he got mad I'll get right on it doc come on I think we'd find a boy wind up I can't just leave Judy here I can have a car here in five minutes come on let's go come to bow-window give her a wire monkey and see how she reacts and smell urine um that's right wait those Cheez Whiz you got into here yeah no please I just use somebody's bathroom losing his arm has given him the ability to run you always were a good judge of men Desktop completely that trouble bed - ah Sullivan's Travels of course he's got moths stuck to him cigarette butts lint he's just picking up everything along the way we'll go dinner again let him hear it started to wipe off the mouth when we've done the answer to whatever happened to Jethro Tull she's by this time he should be melted down to a little stub god I've never seen a man puddle like this [ __ ] yeah Eddie's not talking come on let's go hey my lady take care let us know what happened oh yeah I approached a what's matter little Stroheim oh hi guys the focus group from the preview audience of my earth vs. soup film is about to start nervous I'm going next door for a beer okay wait we don't have a next door let him go all right we've all just seen the film earth vs. soup how many people didn't like the film didn't like the film or just didn't care port by show of hands 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 so all all didn't like the film okay how many people did like the film they liked the film Cindy you didn't like the film and now you have your hand about halfway up so maybe you liked the film a little bit would that be correct okay we'll get back to that okay what about the film didn't you like the film we just saw earth vs. soo what was it about you didn't like or didn't care for say the plot or yes Gary the plot the plot Gary didn't like the plot how many other people didn't like the plot by show of hand 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 so we all didn't like the plot why why didn't we like the plug what was it about the plot that we didn't like Doug why didn't you like the plot I like the plot I just thought it was too short ah you thought it was too short okay what were your favorite characters from the film if you had one favorite character who would that character be the film you just saw earth versus supa favorite characters such as Mike or Cindy yes Mike well Cindy liked Mike how many other people liked Mike by show of hands one two three okay three people like Mike alright how many people have an allergic reaction to shellfish lerczak reaction or mild reaction a mild reaction to shellfish so Tony would this keep you from recommending this film to a friend yes yes it would yes it would because you don't like shellfish you wouldn't want to see shellfish in a movie okay what if the soup were a different kind of soup say it was a a chicken stock or or something like with it would you recommend it to a friend was the potato soup yes okay Cindy oh you had your hand right sue you oh yeah that's right you're the one who doesn't like soup what's that Gary Gary would like a sandwich how many people would like to have seen Julia Ormond naked Julia one two three four so about half half would like to see Julia on naked um well if you had a rat cage strapped to your face I can guys we've got a lot of work to do we had 68 percent walkouts we have to get those numbers down also 74 percent of the audience didn't like the character Cruella Deville and even though the character wasn't in the movie we have to change those numbers would you like to see more crackers in the film the big kind of crackers or the small oyster crackers its saltines yes excellent you boys seen anybody around here we seen each other does that count another Harvey Fierstein I'm in your head Manson he's gonna meet up with the indestructible man by the melting man it approaches the giant barbershop I know this guy once you put a penny on the track and the train derailed okay no Judy how'd he get his gun back you got me you killed Mika oh wait you didn't tell him he's got to be slipping all over himself in color a Quinn Martin production now these are the giant brining tanks the provolone will sit in these for four days be careful on these stairs this is where we pump the way out have you noticed how not a single power plant and not a single movie has ever been locked or inaccessible hmm oh I'm here I'm gonna find out what my bill was so high last month he's down there he's right here right here right here tell us tell us what do you get a shotgun man is the alien 3 set the left Robocop damn Terminator 2 the little guy Ellie's melted Billy's wily hey stupid I should just move to a new town start a new life for myself town where melting people are accepted hey this would make an excellent fort no time watch out for the big pile of mucus dressed like every high school burnout this park is keeping me really involved in the mood I think the Western Avenue L comes to you you guys know is there a credible melting you okay and watch out he can do the four forty in ten seconds oh yes they call it the street die ten bongos by that's left you know maybe if he took his arm out of a shirt on hell this all sounds like music that was rejected by Wonder Woman well melt you in here melt hey yo yo ma give it a break hide out the burn unit until this blows over the gooeyness of the long-distance runner it seems to be getting stronger as email here's your title we gotta get him I've got to find out why need to backfill the justification here take it Hey Edwin not the NRA picks up his fare Hey look at this booger that you shot out of me no what is this stuff I don't know I'll clean that up that's fine sorry about that incredible Melton man he's incredible I haven't been this agile in years I should try skiing [ __ ] [ __ ] hey what's the spot of my sleep I'm bleeding you turned barefoot in the park into an action movie yeah the movie comes into sharp focus whenever Ted Nelson is on the screen you're melting was completely cosmetic and it wasn't covered by your medical plan Wow I should melted years ago I've never been in better shape leave me it's pretty up here must remain dull I advise never scrimp on a rice steamed up your slime bond be like shooting jello emotes well if we put throw-up powder on him he'll probably disappear stop Steve my god stop hurting him he was a writer in his contract that he'd be in the film but he wouldn't add no Karl Wallenda has burst into flames oh wait great fireworks this year huh no why did I go on that high phosphorous diet I'm okay I just got the wind knocked out of me you know emulation is the sincerest form of flattery sorry I thought we were playing Tom yeah it plays much better with these guys these guys are doing better Dorf security guard boy that Sheriff is like an underground tire fight best have been dry is really going no no god no who's my right back oh god he was a very close very quaint uns of mine hey hi Ted what can I do you for dead the trailer card no Steve I want to help you is that a yes or no one of us must be Steve stunt guys can't hold me up any longer you were gonna open an exotic candle store together these two tested well with bit lonely white guys grab a nose hole and pull hey I get a non-steam help me please Dave help me okay now when you grab my wrist a lot of meat is gonna slide off so be careful hey you're not gonna pull me up with this pop me in your mouth are you all right just use my ribs like a ladder and pull yourself up hey fire don't know what oh don't know the don't under no no no no I'm dr. Ted Nelson with with Leslie listen to me I'm dr. Ted Nelson wasn't far wrong whoa hey oh no relation to Ted Nelson nope nope okay you're not just firing at dr. Ted Nelson now ruining my shirt this is a j.crew so it was all a dream no whoa whoa I really tucked into that security guard I am soft but I think they say about cellular phones it's true this is gonna affect his veterans benefits Oh solvent my favorite beverage buggy I could just fart I would feel so much better somebody's gonna throw him on a hockey rink me I'm sucking in me man who really hurt to splash around Seabreeze right now Eddie still sees 20/20 good Belgium you do that it's best to just let the Ebola virus run its course mm-hmm you know he may not recover from this this is why gentlemen should always carry a hanky maybe if I could just keep down some saltines and ginger ale oh he just threw himself up whoa now his irritable bowel syndrome was really acting up today in a moment the results of that trial dong in the Serengeti what could they possibly be to wrap up everybody's dead on the movie has to mop up after itself now Ted Nelson was found alive and of normal size there was no melting man this is so ironic cuz remember how he hated metal stairs he was pitching guards last night in 1 3 bucks huh and let's check back in on our dr. Ted Nelson that this is what it looks like behind Chili's zippity-doo-dah zippy yeah it's the captain hat factory onopen to the proletariat's owns I'm Karis akela with the riders almanacs stay well do good work and don't melt so he was tomato-based then yeah I hate it when dogs explode geez now I got a host buzz aldrin somebody up a building here yeah never understood white people this is what happens when you give a young makeup artist a free hands report better go get into the capsule I've never seen anybody throw out that much manicotti Agnes turtle okay all set for the rodeo huh so how many monster movies in with a janitor speaking a monster did you like garbage in five four looming space program with loud report light and get away let those start through Abe Kennedy was renamed Cape Ted Nelson and quickly renamed Cape Kennedy so they learn nothing yep well I learned something Mike I learned doctors don't care hmm I learned that the Southern California can get cold enough first normal jacket ever learned never to name a child bird Mike I've written a short sketch about bird to Benny mm-hmm hi what's your name BRR oh here take my coat now what's your name where ha ha ha very good huh kill me well I also learned never to scream I'm Ted Nelson - a security guard I learned that half-eaten turkey legs make very tepid ironic statements we learned it's good to have saltines around your house I learned that sheriff's are full of pyrotechnics Jonathan Demi yeah who cares anyway then once again we learned that NASA is staffed by two or three people tops and they hire civilian doctors to head up the recovery program what else what else oh I learned that some nurses can't five properly fitting uniforms hmm you must have learned something else oh we learned that some cats can open the refrigerator get the milk bring the milk um in the middle of the kitchen throw it up in the air drop it on the floor shattered all over the place good lesson know we also learned that if you're a melting man you can have a short but highly successful career as a sprinter me I learned that I should never marry a passive and mobile doctor named Ted Nelson who doesn't ever do anything and I certainly shouldn't have his baby that's very soon well you know what I learned that I can use the word vodka as an expletive if necessary yeah that's good I learned that if you're going to have a general over for dinner you better have turkey legs and beer on hand yeah well uh we learned that lights and lighting aren't really necessary to make a film these day and neither are actors and I think I learned that I shouldn't go to Saturn and once I have the proper protective gear yep yep yeah right now I'm learning that even though this movie is about 80 minutes long it feels like Berlin Alexanderplatz I also learned that some sheriff's aren't married but you know that yeah I learned it was impossible to look good in the 70s wearing that even if you had chopped a monster's arm off it'll only make them stronger and more powerful and I learned that you can just fill in crucial elements of the plot wherever it's convenient I did not know that we've learned that if you're put in charge of an urgent top-secret government project it really doesn't matter if you do anything jab now let's tan we learned that sometimes people can abuse spirit gum and latex oh here you well crow this is it this is the day you find out if earth versus soup the project that has dominated your life for years well years really gets green-lighted for release you nervous hello bro yeah just get it hi guys everybody here good good news people Clayton do you want to tell them oh the studio is real excited and your movies going to be released oh wow Axl Winslet right here for you as a trailer boo my movies gonna be a trailer uh-huh this is very exciting this is good news we thought this would give us the widest possible release and it will help us reign in that marketing budget well we still have a lot of work to do oh and there's one thing that we want to ask and this is going to be covered in that $800 is could you remove your name from the credits as the film's director I gained this is good news guys ah just a minute let me get this straight I come to you with a movie you supposedly get me thirty million dollars to make it you take a twenty nine and a half million for yourself I get a lousy $800 I don't get any credit and my movies releases a trailer okay okay uh-huh that's right good we're all on the same page now I'm going to be at Sundance on Wednesday I'll be in Paris on Friday and then can't on Saturday so don't try and get a hold of me Becca where are those tickets Becca mother I think I can get my whole head in here that's nice dear Beck I push the button Becca let's get the hell out of here

Channel: analogkid01

Views: 832,103

Rating: 4.8122115 out of 5

Keywords: MST3k

Id: wWALN1cRFWM

Length: 91min 32sec (5492 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 03 2011

Reddit Comments

[u/saltytrey]

The new winch is quieter!

WHAT?

I SAID, THE NEW WINCH IS QUIETER!!

[u/Malvolio421]

Lost Continent

Godzilla VS The Sea Monster

and The Incredible Melting Man.

Iconic. Excellent. MST3K.

This is a classic episode and my favorite Mike ep of ALL TIME. I often yell "Hotchka!" and "Dr. Ted Nelson!" even today some 10 years after first watching this.

Top 3

[u/joiningafanclub]

Hmm. Link is not showing up right...I meant to start the video at 16:40.

[u/Davegrave]

This is my all time favorite episode and I never see it mentioned here. I have an ex I keep in touch with from time to time and every time we talk the conversation devolves into Melting Man quotes.

[u/glenpalmsprings]

OMG, It's been a long time. I thought I'd pretty much gotten past my MST phase, but this kept me going until that floating head went over the water fall and I lost it. Now I'm going to have to watch the whole goddamned movie. Lucky for me it's my day off.

[u/stevemiller366]

I love the scene right after this one too. Where Ted Nelson and his wife are in the kitchen and have a prolonged discussion about whether or not they have any crackers.

[u/Sargo8]

This one is one of the best ones i've seen in awhile :D Thanks for posting this!

[u/Kicktoria]

Tedddddddddddddddddddddddddddd NELSON!