Most F'd Up Things People Did While Asleep

like the video and subscribe right now or this weird doggo will be slithering on your bed tonight read it what's the most ducked up thing you've done in your sleep from my phone so be prepared for spelling errors when i was younger i used to sleepwalk all the time most of the time i would just mumble incoherently and then get sent back to bed but on a couple of occasions i actually did something funny one time i stood at the end of my parents bed yelling gibberish at them and then when i had their attention i promptly dropped my pjs and pissed all over their bed and carpet another time i put a cup at the bottom of the stairs walked to the top and tried to see if i could get all my pee into the cup i have more but that's it for now like a tiny drunk i closed my eyes and then opened them there was no sense of time having passed but it was morning and i had a boner i've rolled over starring at the clock and rolled back over seemingly have my eyes open the whole time with the clock changing from 1204 to 804 from ages 10 to 13 i had some serious problems with sleeping i would jolt up in the middle of the night and start screaming i would sprint all throughout the house yelling bloody murder until my mom or dad tackled me and dragged me back to my room we've talked about this to doctors and searched the web and the diagnosis seems to be night terrors not only did i have these night terrors but i would also duck around in the house while sleep walking here's where the story starts so one school morning i woke up my bed felt weird and i could tell something was wrong i looked into my bed and saw what was wrong the sheets were missing this had happened on a number of occasions where i would tear them off in a fury of sleepwalking power and shove them somewhere like my drawer or closet well this particular morning i couldn't find them so i decided to find them when i came home from school so i get to school everything's going great and i enter first period ready for some english the teacher says all right everyone take out your literature textbooks and turn to page whatever the duck i open my bag and suddenly holy [ __ ] there's my bed sheets there they are shoved into my bag i'm sitting there like what the duck am i gonna do with these just imagine this tiny seventh grader walking around school with a heap of sheets around his body a few weeks ago i went to bed with just my underwear on i woke up the following morning with two pairs of underwear on one night in bed my husband was sleeping i was still awake reading and he reached over and grabbed my panties and said i have the password giggled rolled over and went back to sleep that's hilarious and probably accurate since you married him i assume he really does have the password i had night terrors too they started around 11 or 12. i'm 21 now and outgrew them for the most part i almost never remember any of my night terrors either but one story that i remember my brother telling me is when we went on a family vacation and took our pop-up camper we were somewhere in south dakota i think and in the middle of the night i get up and walk over to the window my brother was sleeping next to me so of course i woke him up he said i was staring out the window and kept saying do you see them over and over while simultaneously stroking my face as if i had a beard my brother freaked the duck out then just went back to sleep there are only a few things i remember about my night terrors it always felt like my fingers were on the verge of going numb or they kept going back and forth between feeling like fat sausage fingers or pencil thin fingers it was the weirdest feeling in the world my first night terror i vividly remember i ended up in my parents room walking around the end of their bed in a frantic state i woke both of them up and kept placing my hands on their bed yelling my hands don't fit if i fall asleep on the couch and i'm woken up to go to bed i will frequently sleep walk one time i did this and as my gf was leading me to the bedroom i made a sharp ride turn into the bathroom she told me it was time for bed and i responded no it's not it's time to explore apparently in a very optimistic tone so apparently you become calvin when you're asleep apparently i talk in my sleep a lot according to my mom once i supposedly had a full conversation with myself in spanish despite only taking courses in it in school my mom even recognized a phrase i jokingly said often around the house me gusta mucho filame lap is d carlos which translates as it pleases me very much to sharpen my colored pencils my mom told me about how i once walked up to her completely normal and asked her if she could help me shovel the snow out of my bed did she give you the cold shoulder i remember one night about a year ago i woke up at around 3 a.m to see my brother standing two steps from my bed just staring at me i freaked the duck out and asked him what he was doing he replied with the creepiest thing i think i've ever heard nothing nothing then he went back to his room didn't sleep all night asked him about it the next morning and he was all what there was a group of guys i was hanging out with on encore sided when i was 20 we were watching a movie in their dorm lounge and i fell asleep on the couch i woke up suddenly i think because everyone had gone quiet i realize with dread that i've got my hand down my skirt and that i've been masturbating in my sleep while they were watching awkward my dorm rumored back in college was a 50 year old guy who had spent years in prison for multiple things anyway i have a few stories about him but this one pertains to your comment i used to give him ambien when my girlfriend was coming over so that he'd sleep and i could spend some time with her somewhat alone one night we were watching a movie on my bed and she taps me on the shoulder and points over at his bed i look over and he's sleeping but he has his hand under his blanket and it's pretty obvious he's masturbating he had such a smile on his face i'd recently gone through a breakup and due to my financial situation i was still sharing an apartment a room and a bed with my ex-girlfriend we kept different schedules for the most part but there were often times when we'd wind up sleeping next to each other this honestly wasn't as awkward as it sounds but it did make for some interesting experiences particularly when i did one of the creepiest things i've ever had the embarrassment of admitting to i'm not usually prone to any kind of sleep-oriented shenanigans but one night i sat bolt upright in bed looked over at my ex then leaned down and stared intently at her at the time it seemed like there was something i had to figure out and the only way i could do it was by carefully examining her face i mean i was drilling into her with my eyes i was staring so hard the position i was in was uncomfortable so i supported myself by placing one arm on either side of her from across the room it probably looked like i was getting ready to do something in truth well i was close enough that the sound of my breathing or maybe the feel of it woke her up she saw me staring at her and screamed which woke me up i blinked a couple of times trying to figure out what the hell i was doing i was uh i was looking for i paused unable to remember i thought i saw there was nope nothing came to mind i had literally no reasonable explanation for going all creeptastic on her so i finished by saying i don't think i'm actually awake no she replied visibly irritated you're not go away we both rolled over and went back to sleep the next morning i remembered the above story but she did not in retrospect telling her about it may have been a bad idea peed in a fridge also one time when i was a kid i was sleep walking apparently my dad woke up and saw me standing in the corner facing the wall he said it sounded like i was crying and asked what i was doing i said i was fishing i was peeing in the corner i've never been fishing in my life i just snore my husband is the exciting one the funniest one was about two years ago we were taking an afternoon nap together he works nights when i woke up to him mumbling he started to speak to me about a helicopter and began to get out of bed i questioned what he was doing and what he was talking about he started to get frustrated and mumbled something about a kill streak and care package at this point he walked to the middle of the bedroom picked up a price tag that was on the floor held it up to me and yelled care package you get enough kills and you get a care package it's not a hard concept to understand i asked him again what the hell he was doing at which point he woke up we still joke about it all the time slapped my ex across the face really hard i'm trying to remember the dream i'm also laughing my ass off at my desk right now but i really can't remember the best slash worst part was that i was waking up as i was doing it and she was completely asleep she woke up to me staring at her right after it happened i spent a lot of money on gifts and meals that weekend my girlfriend has punched me in the jaw a number of times in her sleep to be fair i kick if i'm not sleeping well i was staying the night at my cousin's house i always stay over there when i visit so this was nothing new as my cousin and i were sleeping i wake up and hear my cousin talking in his sleep he's saying something like these mother duckers i can't believe them it was pretty quiet so i didn't bother then he gets a little bit louder raising his voice i then decide i should try to wake him up i go tim tim wake up still nothing then he just starts yelling duck you mother duckers i'm getting pretty shaken up and start slapping him a little he still doesn't wake up and then proceeds to scream his lungs out going ah i'm freaked the duck out and didn't know what the hell was going on so i do the only thing i could think of i punch him straight in the face like p.o.w right in the cursor he then wakes up and goes down what the hell jude then i go bro you were legit yelling in your sleep i didn't know what to do then tim says really i was dreaming that i was playing a game of cod quite nsfw so every now and again i stay over at my girlfriend's house for the weekend and naturally we always sleep naked in the same bed anyway this one time we are lying in bed spooning when suddenly she starts touching my willy i don't mean prodding or poking or anything but it's not enough to justify calling it a hand job sort of more like a struck a job if such a thing exists and naturally after a few minutes i reach around and begin to do the same to her vagina she doesn't have a [ __ ] except she stops me and says that she just wants to do it to me okay fine hand retracted that's cool dicks are pretty funny really and if she wants to inquisitively feel around mine then that's not a problem with me and this goes on for a few more minutes this stroking interspersed with the occasional kiss and whatnot until she quite abruptly stops then she says she feels really sleepy and wishes me good night now i'll be brutally honest here i'm sporting the mother ducking mammoth of all hard ons at this moment something about that stroking i don't know why but [ __ ] got me going man whatever it's not that weird it's not like i have a foot fetish don't judge anyway back to the story so i've got this for once talk and i'm spooning this totally naked girl who and i don't mean to toot my own horn here is very very attractive fyi this is probably the most stressfully frustrated i have ever been in my life at that moment my brain said to me look man you're just going to have to calm down go to sleep and wank like a lunatic when you get home so that's what i try to do forget about it and go to sleep and surprisingly sleep comes pretty easily i dream about well duck it i have no idea what i dream about i can't remember now but i do dream and that's all that really matters for now and when i wake up i've entirely forgotten about the raging stiffy i was sporting just a few hours before everything seems right again peaceful you could say then to my horror i notice that my girlfriend's back feels pretty wet in fact so do the sheets hell even my legs feel wet what the ducks gone on here have i pissed myself oh good lord tell me i haven't pissed myself not in my girlfriend's bed not when i'm here for another night please no thankfully after inspecting the sheets quietly and gently so as not to wake up my girlfriend i used my sherlock holmes like powers to deduce that the moist residue left on the bed my girlfriend's back and my legs is not urine it doesn't smell like urine nor does it feel like urine in fact it smells and feels quite a lot like oh duck yes that's right i have ejaculated i have blown my load in the night probably as a result of the teasing and the stroking oh god the stroking why the stroking and now me and my girlfriend currently unbeknown to her are marinating in a puddle of my own sea men duck she wakes up i explain and after a few seconds she laughs hysterically turns out it's all okay and provided i dry it up it's not a problem oh how we laughed hahaha how funny we go out have a good day and go to bed again laughing and reminiscing about last night slash this morning's events except that night we don't have shreks either and the next morning the unthinkable happens for two nights in a row i find out i have unconsciously come all over myself my girlfriend and my girlfriend's bed she laughs even harder the next morning then we have shreks we are still together now most ducked up thing or things i've ever done in my sleep you've been visited by bartender doggo you will be blessed with tasty drink and no hangover but only if you comment give me something rough doggo thanks for watching do not forget to subscribe for more daily videos

Channel: TZ Entertainment

Views: 10,874

Rating: 4.9760766 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, dankify, tz reddit, toadfilms, sleep, asleep, done in sleep, sleepwalking

Id: wzwgPPCRMZ4

Length: 15min 5sec (905 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 05 2020