Greatest Comebacks To Insults Ever Said

like the video and subscribe right now and this doggo will protect you from vacuum cleaner what is the greatest comeback to our insult you've ever heard 18th century british radical politician john wilkes was told in parliament by a political opponent sir i do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox wilkes shot back with that depends my lord on whether i embrace your lordship's principles or your mistress he's basically calling dude a scumbag and saying his girl is a dirty hoe i used to work with this like 70 year old woman she was a supervisor and one day one of the ladies who worked with us told this old lady to kiss my ass and the old lady replied where do i start you're so fat your crack goes all the way up your back gran gran how many times do we have to tell you we are not a crematorium joe pine interviewing frank zappa joe i guess your long hair makes you a woman f said i guess your wooden leg makes you a table i asked my mother why she always wears makeup despite being in her 40s she told me she wears makeup so she doesn't look like me edit i was nine savage you deserve that what's wrong with wearing makeup in your 40s also jeez dude what do you have against your mom during world war one switzerland had a tiny standing army but they were very skilled marksmen wilhelm second of germany asked what 250 000 swiss troops would do if he decided to invade with 500 000 german troops the swiss said shoot twice and go home and that good sir is how getting swiss cheese got the definition we know today switzerland is actually neutral now in part because they were such good fighters many european countries hired swiss mercenaries to fight for them at least that's what i heard in a youtube video quiet guy in my art class got called queerbait he replied with if i'm the bait then you're the cat of the day my 10 year old cousin was pushed aside by an older student at school who also felt the need to call him a gay child my cousin told him not to get his hopes up my grandparents used to bicker my grandmother generally came out on top as she was fierier one time though she was asking him to do a bunch of stuff and he muttered if you'd lose some weight you could do it yourself she fixed her gaze on him and glad i'm thinking of getting rid of about 200 pounds of useless fat immediately he replied you're going to cut off your foot man nobody because like old married couples picker they've had decades to perfect their craft a guy makes fun of his bold friend by rubbing his head and saying wow your head is as smooth as my wife's bottom the friend also rubs his head and says wow you're right that had to hurt someone yelled out in a walmart i'm not ashamed of who i am another voice echoed back that's your parents job back in middle school i was at walmart with a friend of mine looking for pants being a tomboy i like to wear baggy boys pants nor did i wear mac loop another kid came up to me and snarkily asked pfft what are you a boy or a girl and without missing a beat i responded why do you think him hot he just got flustered and walked away mumbling obscenities this was the 90s so that gender question actually was insulting to my 14 year old brain not the greatest but i still hold pride for my quick wit back then two bad fats all gone now one of my co-workers was cold calling customers trying to get appointments to drum up business one of them told him to go duck his hand and he responded with i've got that penciled in 4-3 i should be done by four if you'd like to come in for an appointment then the guy laughed his ass off and ended up coming in for the appointment i had a coworker also in sales also cold calling a take no [ __ ] middle-aged woman when people hung up on us sometimes we'd call back and play dumb often people would realize they were being rude this is more business to business anyhow this lady couldn't help herself so she'd call back feign the same polite friend linus and say hey sorry i think we were rudely disconnected edit some context business to business cold calling isn't the same as cold calling people's houses to sell a vacuum some industries don't advertise on tv and when you're selling a service rather than a product and it's custom it's not at all normal or sound business advice to do all of your own research on google not all cold callers are hoping to find someone in a vulnerable state to trick them into an impulse buy we would make an introduction called to get to the appropriate decision maker but the deal wouldn't close for another six to nine months usually never the day of the cold call people rarely hung up on us maybe once a month and when they did it was always the gatekeeper that's who she would say this to and while it certainly wasn't good sales technique decision makers generally care more about their bottom line than their receptionist's feelings over being called rude for being rude contrary to this thread introducing yourself to someone over the phone is like or thing people do and the person on the other end who hangs up is literally being paid for the sole purpose of facilitating such communication also assuming everyone here is employed your paycheck relies on one of three things salespeople advertising or taxpayers receptionists get to pretend that's not the case same as many of you but their boss knows that they too rely on sales advertising and or taxpayers without which we would have no small business or competition of any sort what i'm saying is if you hate sales people refuse to work for anyone who uses them i'll wait let's not be myopic in all likelihood a salesperson helped you get your last paycheck and you helped a salesperson get this your favorite products and your favorite company came into existence by annoying people sometimes we're all in this together no man is an island and it's really not that hard to treat people with respect i've been called worse things by better people for context this was famously said by former canadian prime minister pierre trudeau when he found out richard nixon called him an [ __ ] good one reminds me of aoc's response to yahoo's verbal assault i want to be clear that representative yahoo's comments were not deeply hurtful or piercing to me because i have worked a working class job winston churchill of course lady nancy as tour winston if you were my husband i'd poison your tea cher kill nancy if i were your husband i'd drink it winston you are drunk disgustingly drunk yes madam but you're fat and when morning comes i shall be sober a friend of mine was getting bitched at by these two identical twin girls in a class i had once he replied with a troubling look on his face and said if you two are identical how come only one of you are hot that you'd played the long game as those two girls looked rather perplexed for the rest of the session sorry on this topic if you want to inside chaos go on a girl's instagram and find a group photo of three or more then comment you two look great you sure do talk alert for never saying anything in mexico we use the word canton flea for that it comes from a comedian with a long career from the 30s to the 80s named cantinflas and that was his shtick talking too much but never saying anything that's a wizard of oz joke dorothy asks the scarecrow how can you talk if you haven't any brains to which he replies i don't know but some people without any brains do an awful lot of talking in high school we congregated in our cliques around the benches one friend is cracking his knuckles and did this fairly often another friend saw this and remarked you pop your hands a lot you must jerk off a lot the friend that popped his hands immediately looks at him and calmly says you pop your jaw a lot you must suck dick a lot weirdly enough no one laughed we just all shrugged and took it as a logical explanation it's been over 20 years and i still think about the logic i was the one insulted but not the one with the comeback i was out with a co-worker and her friends and my buddy and i were leaving a little too early for her sensibilities she jokingly got up in my face and said smell that smells like [ __ ] a guy playing at the pool table next to us stepped forward and said i'm sorry that must be me i just ate it was amazing that's usually me tbh but i remember one time in high school a girl was trying to egg me on because see i was the kid that sat in the back and wouldn't talk to anyone all my friends were either older or younger and i thought everyone in my grade save maybe two people were too dumb to bother with anyway she'd been trying to get to me for a good half hour and i kept ignoring her so she went oh what's the matter are you angry because you have no friends and this guy in my class who i hadn't spoken to since elementary practically walks over and says shut up ashley not even your friends like you there was another day i was in class and had the misfortune of sitting next to the same girl who again was trying to egg me on and since the teacher was going over stuff that i already knew and he knew i knew i put my head down turned my head away and took a nap it had been a really bad day for me so this girl of course tries to tattle on me and the teacher just looks at her and goes well maybe if you would shut your ducking mouth and mind your own business for a change she wouldn't need to drown you out in middle school a boy asked when i was going to grow some boobs so i asked him when he was donating his i'm still really proud of that one edit i didn't expect this to blow up but i remember this clearly he was walking out of english i was walking in we met at the doorway and were chest to chest and he looks me in the eye and says grow some tits without missing a beat i replied dead face donate yours then proceed to proudly walk to my desk with a big smile also i did eventually grow some boobs they are small but they are nice not heard but read easily the spartans reply to philip ii of mason as philip ii of mason was conquering greek city-states left and right sparta was left alone philip had achieved a crushing victory and sparta was relatively weakened without walls philip sent a message to the spartan saying if i invade laconia you will be destroyed never to rise again the spartans replied with one word if this is actually where the word laconic came from anything i've thought of more than an hour after the insult the french have a phrase for this esprit de scalia or the spirit of the staircase the witty retort you think of as you are leaving down the front steps my grandma asked my cousin who'd had lots of partners and two kids at this point if she was ever going to get married cousin it's not the same nowadays we don't buy cars without test driving them first grandma yeah but they don't let you put a hundred thousand miles on them either point goes to granny the greatest comeback i witnessed was when humane and gianni was on mean tweets and someone asked is your dick multiple colors and he said yes every shade of your mom's lipstick throwing shade mayo i came here to say harry condobolo i thought had the best one he has a joke about being mistaken for qmail about when a guy is pressuring him about where is he from like saying okay but where are you really from and harry is like i'll bust a nut in your eye and show you where the duck i come from and i lost it what are you looking at i'm still trying to find out when i used to say what are you looking at to my mum she used to say i don't know the label fell off fresh prince had that one in the earlier seasons will is in a step up class with younger kids one of them looks at will and disdain so he asks what are you looking at and the kid replies not much will rolling his face at the burn makes the scene on a construction site one afternoon different trades were working in the same area like silly team sports the spark is always hang with the sparkies and the turd wranglers always hang with the turd wranglers and anytime they are together it turns into a pointless dick measuring contest usually not literally one particularly childish exchange saw two men chopping back and forth my dick biggest blah blah blah finally one of them spits out this classic i've got girth like a can of con and the clap back was unforgettable but you've got length like a can of tuna everyone busted up mr girth tried to hide his embarrassment but was tied up no come back and a room of men laughing uncontrollably good times it was a exchange between two co-workers a few years back basically a [ __ ] shaming gone wrong person a had only ever slept with one person their previous boyfriend that they were still obsessed with person b was the opposite and would bang a different person every week person a i can't believe how many people you've slept with i don't understand how people can have sex with someone they aren't in love with person b well your ex-boyfriend seem to manage it okay person a silence as he dies inside edit yes guys he had an ex-boyfriend person a was a gay man it's not a typo it's 2020. the classic you're adopted at least my parents chose to have me had a friend growing up who had an adopted brother a year or so younger they would always talk [ __ ] and fight a bit here and there and one time my friend says to his brother that he was adopted and can go duck off he knew he was adopted and without missing a beat he shot back at my friend yeah well clearly you weren't enough for mom and dad that's why they bought me yes he used the word bought context john oliver from hbo interviews stephen hawking may he rest in peace john oliver and there may be a universe where i'm more intelligent than you stephen hawking there may even be a universe where you are funny you've been visited by a pirate doggo this doggo will bring you treasure but only if you comment yeah pirate doggo thanks for watching do not forget to subscribe for more daily videos

Channel: TZ Entertainment

Views: 58,804

Rating: 4.9604068 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, dankify, tz reddit, toadfilms, comeback, insult, funny insult, funny comeback, best comeback, greatest comeback

Id: BqGS8ISaQ9E

Length: 15min 4sec (904 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 02 2020