-You both are
New York City guys. But very different parts of
New York City. -Very, very.
[ Cheers and applause ] Colin is from Staten Island,
and I'm from the projects. [ Laughter ] So it's two different corners
of the world. -There were more whoos for the
projects than for Staten Island, I just want to point out.
[ Laughter ] -We, obviously, we share
a history "SNL" now of being "Weekend Update" anchors. You guys -- now we share
something else. You guys were promoted to co-head writers
earlier this year. Congratulations.
-Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ] -How -- How have you found it
so far? -I mean, as you know, you're basically doing the job
already before you get the job. -Right. They don't give it
to you unless you can do it. -Right, yeah. -They're not like, "Here's some
scripts. Just see what happens." It's basically the same job
you were already doing, but you have maybe
like 10 times the stress. Like, way more anxiety, but you can't do any more work
than you're already doing. -Yeah.
-Yeah. It's like planning
someone else's wedding. Constantly planning. If you mess it up,
they're very mad at you. -You're planning Lorne's wedding
every week. -Well, I texted you
congratulations, and then you didn't write back, and I saw you at a party
and I said, "Hey, is your phone number
the same?" You're, like, "I just didn't -- I don't even know how to feel
about it yet." [ Laughter ] -Well, it's a tough situation
now because I got a lot of friends that work in comedy and they're
always, like, "Hey, man. Could you help me get on 'SNL'"? And I'm always like, "Yeah, I
don't got no power there." And now I'm head writer,
I got to like tell them, "Hey, it's because I don't
believe in you. [ Laughter and applause ] "I'm not going help you
for that reason only." -One of the things
you had to balance -- Sometimes it's just too late when news breaks late on
Saturday to write a sketch, obviously, but on "Update" you can get a joke in
every now and then. This Trump administration
I feel like already famous
for late-breaking news. Have you guys had to squeeze
stuff into "Update"? -Yeah, he keeps it exciting. -Yeah, he's like -- It's like
being on "Chopped." You ever watch that show
"Chopped"? [ Laughter ] Where it's just, like,
a new ingredient for no reason? You're like, "All right. Now I
got to figure out how to --" -How put sriracha on my pizza. -Sriracha for the dessert round?
Okay. I guess. -Did you guys --
the Hawaii disaster -- I mean, not disaster, but of
the fake missile or false -- -It's a disaster among
husbands and wives who thought it was happening
said something horrible, and they were, like,
"Take me back?" [ Laughter ] It happened like right before -- -There was
a lot of apology notes. [ Laughter ] -We were on -- It was then -- It
happened like a couple of hours before we were on, and we were talking about doing
like a fake emergency alert on the show. Like, missile
headed to New York. [ Laughter ] And then we were, like, "Well, I think that
it's actually illegal, because we're on --" We're live, and it's the news and we were like,
"Maybe we shouldn't." We realized
we had more restraint than the people
running the actual agency. Maybe this is crazy. -Yeah, somebody just, like,
pushed the button by accident. Like, it should be way harder
to do that, right? [ Laughter ] Shouldn't you have to, like, two people turn a key
at the same time before you -- -If you try to print something
in Microsoft Word, it's like, "Don't you want to
spell-check it? -Yeah. "Did you mean?"
[ Laughter ] -But now, I think that's
a mistake is we -- now movies are ahead of
real life, that every movie everything had
to be two keys, and now we're like -- we are
literally a finger, everywhere. -It's like we don't watch
these movies that tell us about the future. That's why -- it's like, I won't
buy a sex robot for that reason, because I know it's probably
going to try to kill me. [ Laughter ] -That's the why.
[ Laughter and applause ] -Really thought it through.
-Yeah. -Really thought it through. -This isn't on TV is it?
[ Laughter ] -Not all of it, obviously. -We're gonna get one sent. -Another -- last week -- -We get free stuff all the time
if we just mention a product. [ Laughter ] And I've been trying to subtly
just mention products to get it sent to me for free, so I'll let you know
if I get a sex robot or not. [ Laughter ] -I feel like --
-We've been doing the worst ones because I mentioned
the Kia Sorento the other day, so I'm like...
[ Laughter ] And then he mentioned Gas-X
on the show, and they immediately sent him
a bunch of Gas-X. So, it's like --
[ Laughter ] -Yeah. I mentioned Lululemon
in this sketch where I played
a liberal white woman. -Yeah. -And they sent me
a bunch of Lululemon clothes, and now I got to explain that
to my family. [ Laughter ] -I want to talk -- you played
Gretchen, a white liberal -- and how much makeup were you in
to transform into a white woman? -I tried to go as method
as I could with as much makeup as possible. [ Laughter ]
-Really unrecognizable. I won't tell the people watching
at home which one Che is, but he's one of those --
one of those three white women. When the Stormy Daniels story
happened, when that broke,
the crazy thing was, the last time Donald Trump was
on the show, he was in a sketch
with Vanessa and Cecily, who were playing porn stars. -That's true. -Did you guys --
Did that occur to you as quickly as it occurred to me? -Yes. About instantaneously. -Because in the sketch,
at the end of it, he turns to Cecily, and he says, "Didn't you used to
be a brunette?" And like, he's not going to ever
say that, and then he said it. [ Laughter ] And literally right after it
says it, it cuts to "Donald Trump
for President 2016." It was insane. -So you guys have a theory that people are actually
jealous of Trump, which not a lot of
people talk about. -I like that you said it as
though this is our known theory. We have this theory. -I wouldn't say jealous. I just think they're waiting for
the other shoe to drop where he gets his comeuppance,
but it just seems to keep getting better and better
for him. And it's driving people nuts. Like, you know, the medical
report comes out about him, like, he's 239 and he can live
until he's 100 years old, and you're, like,
"How is that possible?!" [ Laughter ] -People are basically
just really angry at him that he has great genes.
-Yeah. -Like, he can just eat this -- McDonald's five times a day
and he's fine. -And he does. His parents
lived to be very old. -Yeah, he's definitely
gonna be 90. -90 at the minimum.
-Yeah. Well, I have a theory that we're
gonna have tiny robots inside us
and we'll live until 250, but that's not what
this is about. [ Laughter ] We'll talk about that later. -Somebody's gonna get some
tiny robots sent to them. [ Laughter ] -Sent inside them?
Part 2 of the interview where they talk about some rejected sketches, working with Will Ferrell this week, and a rejected pitch from the Golden Globes featuring Andy Samberg. (Note: Heroin AM and Who Works Here? were actually used in the Julia Louis-Dreyfus episode from Season 41.)
If only Che could be this relaxed at the update desk he could be GOAT.
Thanks for this!
He took that screwing the pooch bit from his standup special but I’d love to see it as a skit