Michael Che: “Marriage Is for Poor People”

I grew up in the projects and uh in the middle of our projects they built a homeless shelter and we used to tease the kids that live in the shelter because they were the only people we knew poured in us and we thought somehow they were messing up our property value by being homeless I had a friend I live in the shelter named homeless Dave we had another day that's what happens if you grow up really poor and you have a common name we picked the worst party of life and make it your new nickname well I got a friend we used to call Robocop for years because he wore braces on his legs and he walked like Robocop I messed up wasn't real name his real name was Greg but we called them I was in the hood recently and I uh I walked into this bodega and I heard this do yell out not son get the feejee Evian is gross I laughed for like three days after that I thought dopey this would be an American our poor people have specific water teams all our poor people got camera phones my nephew's got a camera phone he's ten years old which sucks for him because I can't imagine what it must be like for him to go through a fifth grade math class with a device in his pocket that can answer all of life's questions and show him pictures of titties in high definition you want this kid to pay attention in class really he doesn't have attention deficit he's got he's got titties in his pocket [Applause] that's why he can't focus man that's too much technology for a kid man the closest thing I had to a camera phone when I was 10 with a calculator I send it back a classroom type in eight zero zero eight five because I was creepy well it's good I think love's overrated life is better than love to me man you know don't swing liking love obligation you like somebody you just like them until you don't like them no more and then you stop taking the calls you love someone you obligate to that person forever man even after you don't like them anymore that's the problem with love there's no exit strategy out of it that's why if you watch the news you see people kill loved ones all the time nobody ever kills people they like though nobody's watching you sleep in your bedroom window because you're pretty cool a lot of my friends getting married and stuff I don't want to get married because I still think that I could be rich someday and marriage is for poor people anytime I rich do proposals to a woman I feel like you're saying hey I bet you half my I'll never cheat on you [Applause] that's a sucker's bet they won't let gay guys get married a lot of parts to this country which is kind of ironic seeing little marriages like the gays I can think of [Applause] I'm not homophobic I'm not a homophobic dude but I don't judge people that are homophobic man cuz I don't know your life I can't tell you what to be afraid of maybe you got some real spooky gay guys in there [Applause] I met a girl one time after shoulder and she told me she was bicurious actually what she meant by that and she said well bicurious basically means that I'm straight there's women out there I could see myself going little gay for which is only something women they can get away with saying because it for do told me that I'll be like not be just gay not curious at all that's because straight guys we have tight about stuff like that you know if you gave me that same logic about something I'm not uptight about probably make perfect sense like race I'm not uptight about race I'm not a prejudiced dude I watch Fox News I watched the Jersey Shore some white dudes I can see myself go a little racist forward I'm not a bigot maybe this little bigoted curious you

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 5,819,668

Keywords: Michael Che, marriage, Michael Che comedian, Michael Che stand up, michael che snl, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, projects, homeless, shelter, homeless shelter, poor, nickname, RoboCop, bottled water, America, boobs, camera phone, calculator, love, murder, rich, proposal, gay, same-sex marriage, homophobic, bi-curious, racist, funny, funny video, comedy videos, jokes, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, humor, best comedy, best stand up, weekend update

Id: 9V1HVfeFpq8

Length: 6min 4sec (364 seconds)

Published: Thu May 09 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/Atororis]

Funny dude, smart jokes