School is Bullsh*t | Ron Taylor | Don't Tell Comedy Secret Sets

what's going on white peoples i'm just getting out the way right now this is my hair this is not a hat no white ladies you can't touch it after the show don't ask after every show i get some lady trying to trunk my [ __ ] fro what if i grab your cooch get out of here yeah everybody think i'm a [ __ ] because i wear glasses and got an afro big guy's be trying to kick my ass what's up little [ __ ] wait a minute god damn it i can fight maybe i don't know i might surprise this boat i have an astigmatism not a muscle deficiency though try me i might [ __ ] you up i'm lying i can't fight got my ass flipped not too long ago in the fifth grade but it's about a big tall big strong girl it was it's a girl she went my ass my daddy didn't want no [ __ ] for a kid so he put me in karate classes now i didn't notice at the time and y'all might know this right now but karate only work if both people know this [ __ ] you ever think about that the only time you see karate effectively being used is by two karate [ __ ] i'm in here learning how to defend against crouching tiger hidden dragon they ain't teaching me about this sasquatch [ __ ] something on my face [ __ ] this whack soft wax on since say i'm dying this [ __ ] don't work if ain't nobody gonna do this dude you do this [ __ ] in a regular fight knock your goddamn head off [Music] i got mad dude i'm like wait a minute [ __ ] you supposed to do this first [Laughter] she's a stripper now so i lost the battle but i won the war all throughout the pandemic i didn't do nothing productive i had this girl and we like she was my roommate and then the pandemic hit and you know jailhouse rules dawg we got locked up together man started [ __ ] i'm just glad my roommate was a girl otherwise be a different ron up here because rules is rude it was weird being in a relationship throughout the pandit man every other day she was like checking on the status of our relationship what are we what are we doing what are we [ __ ] surviving what are you talking about what do you want more you you you want to be closer you want to get married like we are quarantined in a studio apartment i inhale your farts [ __ ] you don't get closer than this to pass the time i was just watching youtube videos just going down rabbit holes i learned so much useless stuff like i know how to perform a c-section perfectly right now let a [ __ ] go into labor i deliver the [ __ ] out that day i was watching these uh white women in wisconsin that's not what they was called that's what they were they was cooking and i would like follow their recipes all throughout the pandemic but it would always get to a point in a recipe where they would do some [ __ ] or actually that i couldn't get like all right now go down to your local butcher i'm like wait a minute what year do you live in local butcher i don't know an international butcher well you want me to go down to the cobbler and have my shoes fixed get a forked fashion by the blacksmith is it at ralph's or gelsons that's all i know and white people y'all been lying man y'all made us think y'all couldn't cook all this time [ __ ] you can you know about spices and herbs and seasonings not the important one like salt but y'all know all the other ones paprika oregano [ __ ] time i thought time was a unit of measurements for moments past no you guys are [ __ ] stupid it is it's a nerve it's okay we're all dumb i don't take credit for anything stupid i say up here [Laughter] because i'm a product of public schools they don't teach you [ __ ] man any public schools in here public schooling yeah dumb little [ __ ] just waste our time you ever think about how much time school wasted of ours they'll teach us nothing important nothing useful and it's the most like important time that we go to school that's when you can learn anything you can be a [ __ ] astronaut learn multiple languages and they teach us horse [ __ ] for nothing and it's a lot of time too like you go to school for 12 years you study subjects for six hours a day five days a week and you not a professional none of that [ __ ] how how is that possible how do you go somewhere and study things that long and not become a professional that i've been jumping rope for three weeks i feel like muhammad ali already these [ __ ] wasted my time math class i learned nothing useful past addition subtraction that was it i should have been done after that but they keep going i know how to find the height of a tree using the shadow that it casts right now i can do that but i got to call my mama every time it's time for me to do my taxes why [ __ ] that tree cut it down why am i in the woods these are better questions what did you use to measure the shadow use that on the tree [ __ ] that's critical thinking class i learned a bunch of [ __ ] i learned about some of the most useless things in the i learned about rocks rocks dog is there anything more useless than rocks they don't grow they don't melt they don't move they just there and i had a whole semester on these [ __ ] i learned about an igneous rock a metamorphic rock what's the last one up dumb [ __ ] all of them a sentimentary rock you ain't thought about that [ __ ] since school you had a whole semester just for that laugh that was it i hope it was worth it rocks [ __ ] rocks i don't smoke crack why am i learning this teach me something i can use in science class like this is [ __ ] up teach me something i can use in science like how to do a pressure point abortion that is [ __ ] y'all i didn't say i would do it i just want to know how to somebody come up to you i'm pregnant not normal [Laughter] ain't playing planned parenthood right there y'all can eat [ __ ] guys it's a joke for me they practice this [ __ ] over there [Laughter] all right a lot of white ladies out here tonight you guys are cool i dated a white lady before it was interesting y'all little too free you all need some oppression in your life there are white women just wait a minute jesus christ you got to put a white woman under arrest when you [ __ ] her put your hands where i can see him cause you keep stop trying to put your finger in my ass later [Laughter] stating this white girl she wanted to peg me yeah if you don't know what pegan is good for you pagan is when a woman puts on a strap-on dildo and [ __ ] you in the butt [Laughter] you know i was like no she was adamant though come on come on why won't you try why won't you let me try come on you might like it said excuse me i might like it i'm sure i'd like it i i know quarrels with that i'm certain it's got to be great there are marchers every june for it there's no way it's not awesome [Laughter] that don't mean i need to do it she wasn't done come on why won't you let me try finally i had to tell like look got damaged why won't i let you try look do i look like wow why won't i let you try cause you white that's why i can't let a white woman [ __ ] me in the ass do you know how far back i took black people if i left a blue blue-eyed blond-haired devil [ __ ] me i would talk to my parents after they cheered son you couldn't find a sister to [ __ ] you in the sorry get the [ __ ] out of here all right which one do i have time for let me see do i want to make you guys laugh or make white people feel bad what you want both somebody said back you guys are masochists whatever i'll just say this drink up man drink up but be safe you know don't drink too much i guess it's illegal i don't even get it all the rules around drinking is just weird you gotta be 21. why says who why why 21 why not 20. why not 22. what's special about this number how many other dangerous things you can do before you 21. you can drive a car that's very dangerous you can be the police that's very dangerous you can you can be in the war over there fighting for our freedom and safety at 18. all right put into better perspective for you you can do porn at 18. you can suck dick legally pay taxes have kids you go to work you have a hard day at work you get off you sticky you crunchy your pussy's on fire you go home to three screaming kids and you got to drink a capri sun what give that [ __ ] some tequila she deserves it stupid rules you can't drink and drive what the [ __ ] is the cup holder for that's entrapment if you can't drink and drive why is there a parking lot at the liquor store how the [ __ ] do you think i got here on horseback then they just send you to jail i don't like that they're just like oh you go to jail it's like come on we got to have better solutions than that [Laughter] just you drink you go to jail give us like a lane or something like a drunk driving lane bikers get it get on the bus you broke [ __ ] we're driving here i'll help design it'll be a drunk driving lane like when you take kids bowling you put the bumpers up and you just you get to your destination or when you go to the car wash you put your car in neutral on that tracks and you just smile please my time i'm ron taylor [Music]

Channel: Don't Tell Comedy

Views: 2,701,647

Keywords: dont tell comedy, stand up comedy, ron taylor, ron taylor comedy, school, school is bullsh*t, detroit cmoedy, los angeles comedy, secret comedy, stand up, stand-up comedy, ron taylor stand up, best stand up, ron taylor comedian, comedy, comedians, latest stand up comedy, comedy videos, best stand up comedy, stand up featuring, funny, funny jokes, comedian, best comedy, funny clips, jokes, standup, stand up videos, stand up special, humor, funny video

Id: O5jku2WIWHM

Length: 13min 42sec (822 seconds)

Published: Mon May 16 2022