Meanwhile... Every Home Should Have A Vagina Tunnel

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I loved when he lost it after seeing the picture of the vagina tunnel lol

👍︎︎ 1 👤︎︎ u/ImpishMisconception 📅︎︎ Jul 02 2021 🗫︎ replies
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♪♪♪♪♪♪ ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK! GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN"! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON, YOU AND THAT BAND ARE THE GREATEST ANTI-DEPERESSENT I KNOW. YOU CANNOT BE DOWN LISTENING TO Y'ALL PLAYING! >> Jon: YOU'VE GOT TO FEEL GOOD! >> Stephen: YOU GUYS OUGHT TO BE BOTTLED. >> Jon: YOU GOT TO FEEL GOOD IN THIS LIFE, BABY! LET'S GO! >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME SHUCKING FOR YOU THE DAY'S MOST TOPICAL CLAMS, BONING THE FINEST, MOST CURRENT NEWS CHICKENS, AND COLLECTING THE HIGHEST QUALITY STORY SHRIMP AND SAFFRON RICE, THEN GENTLY SIMMERING IT ALL IN A CAST-IRON COMEDY PAI-YERA, TO CREATE THE FRAGRANT SEAFOOD PAELLA THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, I SHAMBLE DOWN TO THE DOCKS WITH A RUSTY CROWBAR, MANEUVER THROUGH THE POLLUTED CANAL USING A MCDONALD'S STRAW AS A SNORKEL, AND SCRAPE THE BARNACLES OFF A PASSING GARBAGE SCOW, TOSS 'EM IN A POT WITH SOME HALF-USED RAMEN FLAVOR PACKETS AND MOUNTAIN DEW, TO BREW FOR YOU THE CHUNKY STEW OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE!" ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LOOK AT THAT. WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT! WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT! MEANWHILE, NEW YORK CITY IS BACK, BABY! ON SATURDAY, "SPRINGSTEEN ON BROADWAY" BECAME THE FIRST FULL-LENGTH SHOW TO TAKE THE STAGE SINCE THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC SHUT IT ALL DOWN! YES, HOP ON A DOWNBOUND TRAIN TO THE LAND OF HOPES AND DREAMS BECAUSE THE BOSS IS ON FIRE AND HAS A HUNGRY HEART TO RETURN TO HIS GLORY DAYS IN A SHOW THAT WAS BORN TO RUN. NEBRASKA! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) >> Stephen: SLIGHTLY SUSPICIOUS, THOUGH, THAT BRUCE IS DOING THIS JUST WEEKS AFTER "THE LATE SHOW." AND A TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO BROADWAY WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST IDEA BRUCE STOLE FROM ME. BACK IN THE DAY, HE ALSO RIPPED OFF MY SIGNATURE LOOK. ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN LIGHTER NEWS, A NEW STUDY HAS FOUND THAT THE AGING PROCESS IS UNSTOPPABLE. YES. I AM AWARE. ACCORDING TO THE STUDY, DESPITE ALL OUR RESEARCH INTO GENOMICS AND A.I., HUMANS CANNOT SLOW THE RATE AT WHICH THEY GET OLDER BECAUSE OF BIOLOGICAL CONSTRAINTS. THEN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEONE TELL THAT TO PAUL RUDD! THAT'S 52? I WILL CAPTURE YOU AND STEAL YOUR MAGIC BEANS, YOU WARLOCK! ( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, MICROSOFT ANNOUNCED THEY WILL RELEASE THE XBOX SERIES X MINI FRIDGE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON. WHAT DO THOSE WORDS MEAN ( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY, THEY MEAN THIS: ( ACTION MUSIC ) APPARENTLY, THEY MEAN THIS: ( ACTION MUSIC ) HOPEFULLY, THIS WILL BE A MORE SUCCESSFUL GAMING-PLATFORM-SLASH-HOUSEHOLD- APPLIANCE CROSSOVER THAN THE OCCULUS TOASTER. ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) THAT WAS PAINFUL. SLIGHTLY PAINFUL. >> Jon: THEY COME OUT SO CRISPY! >> Stephen: MEANWHILE, CONGRATULATIONS TO GIANT PANDAS RI RI AND SHIN SHIN, WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH TO TWIN CUBS AT A TOKYO ZOO. MAZEL TOV TO THE NEW MOTHER! IF YOU WANT TO GET THEM A GIFT, THE PANDAS ARE REGISTERED AT BED, BATH AND BAMBOO. ( LAUGHTER ) PANDA BOINKING IS RARE. IN FACT, THE COITUS THAT LED TO THESE TWINS WAS THE FIRST AFTER A FOUR-YEAR HIATUS. COME ON, MAKES SENSE. I KNOW I HAVE A HARD TIME PERFORMING WHEN A THIRD GRADE FIELD TRIP IS WATCHING ME THROUGH PLEXIGLASS. ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF ) ( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, "THE U.K. WILL BAN JUNK FOOD ADVERTISING ONLINE AND BEFORE 9:00 P.M. ON TV STARTING IN 2023." OH, NO! NOW HOW WILL THE ENGLISH LEARN ABOUT BRITISH SNACKS LIKE RASPBERRY BLIMEYS; MALT VINEGAR FANNY PRATS; TANGERINE JAMMY NANS: CHOCOLATE COBBLY WOBBLES; LEMON CHEEKIES; JELLIED WONKY DIMPLES; SLIPPERY GINGER KNACKERS; SOUR BOGGY SHAMBLES; MARZIPAN CHUMBLEY WUMBLES; AND PEPPERMINT STICKY CHAVVY KNOBS? ( LAUGHTER ) I ASSUME I MADE UP SOME OF THOSE. ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, "THE GUARDIAN" RECENTLY ASKED "IS CARA DELEVINGNE'S VAGINA TUNNEL THE START OF SOMETHING BIG?" I DUNNO. ( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT'S THE START OF ME ASKING "WHAT IS CARA DELEVINGNE'S VAGINA TUNNEL?" TURNS OUT, DELEVINGNE JUST GAVE A TOUR OF HER L.A. HOME TO "ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST" WHERE SHE HIGHLIGHTED A UNIQUE FEATURE. >> SO, THIS IS MY VAGINA TUNNEL. SHALL I GO THROUGH? I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH. OH, GOD. AND THEN YOU'RE INSIDE. DO YOU WANT TO COME IN, ALFIE? COME ON, BABY. I COME IN HERE TO THINK. I COME IN HERE TO CREATE. I FEEL INSPIRED IN THE VAGINA TUNNEL. >> STEPHEN: MUST BE NICE TO HAVE ENOUGH SPACE FOR YOUR OWN VAGINA TUNNEL. ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF ) CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF THE PHOTO. ( LAUGHTER ) CAUGHT ME BY SURPRISE. ( LAUGHTER ) CAUGHT ME BY SURPRISE. IN NEW YORK, YOU'RE LUCKY IF THERE'S A SHARED VAGINA TUNNEL FOR THE WHOLE BUILDING. OF COURSE, IT'S NOT REALLY A TUNNEL UNLESS IT LEADS SOMEWHERE, WHICH IT DOES! TAKE A LOOK. >> SO, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU WHERE THIS LOVELY LABIA LEADS. SEE YOU THERE. OH, GOD, LEO. WATCH OUT. ♪♪ OH, MY GOSH. >> STEPHEN: THE EXIT IS A DRYER DOOR! PRO TIP: ALWAYS CLEAN OUT YOUR VAGINA TUNNEL'S LINT TRAP. IT'S A REAL FIRE HAZARD. ( LAUGHTER ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY, MAYOR PETE BUTTIGIEG. ♪♪
Info
Channel: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Views: 1,160,638
Rating: undefined out of 5
Keywords: The Late Show, Late Show, Stephen Colbert, Steven Colbert, Colbert, celebrity, celeb, celebrities, late night, talk show, comedian, comedy, CBS, joke, jokes, funny, funny video, funny videos, humor, hollywood, famous
Id: R6JV_I36It8
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 7min 25sec (445 seconds)
Published: Tue Jun 29 2021
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