BAND.
LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
TODAY, WE GOT A LOVELY GUEST. IN JUST A MOMENT, JUST ONE OF MY
FAVORITE GUESTS TO TALK TO, JUST A DELIGHTFUL, INCREDIBLY
TALENTED AND REALLY BEAUTIFULLY STRANGE IN HER OWN WAY, AUBREY
PLAZA BEEN OF WILL BE OUT HERE IN JUST A MOMENT.
SHE'S IN THE NEW "THE WHITE LOTUS" BEAUTIFULLY STRANGE.
"THE WHITE LOTUS." AND THE FOUNDER OF THE "THE 1619
PROJECT," NIKOLE HANNAH-JONES WILL BE OUT HERE.
THAT'S A GOOD CONVERSATION. WE HAVE TO KEEP GOING HERE
BECAUSE WE RECORDED THIS THING-- WE'RE TALKING 6:00 RIGHT NOW.
I HAVE TO GET OVER FOR THE NEW GAFFIN HALL AT LINCOLN CENTER.
I'M INTRODUCING SOMEBODY ON STAGE.
>> Louis: I HEARD. >> Stephen: LIN-MANUEL,
SOMEBODY. FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME
RIGHT OVER THERE, RUMINATING ON THE DAY'S BIGGEST STORIES,
COLLECTING MY THOUGHTS INTO THE MOST TOPICAL PASSAGES THAT
EXPLORE THE LANDSCAPE OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS IN THE MODERN ERA,
WITH INFLUENCES FROM DOSTOYEVSKY, TURGENEV, AND
THOREAU, TO COMPOSE FOR YOU THE PITHY, YET TIMELESS, VIRGINIA
WOOLF MASTERPIECE THAT IS MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I EMERGE FROM A SEWER
GRATE UNDER AN ABANDONED NEWS STAND, LICK A GLUE STICK, AND
RIP WHICHEVER WORDS ANGER ME MOST OUT OF SOME DISCARDED
ISSUES OF "CONSUMER REPORTS" THEN SLAP 'EM TOGETHER ON A
GARBAGE LID TO PRESENT THE TUNNEL-DWELLER'S RANSOM NOTE OF
NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: >> MEANWHILE!<i>
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i> THAT IS-- THAT'S AMERICAN
HISTORY RIGHT THERE. MEANWHILE, EARLIER THIS WEEK
"APPLE'S iMESSAGE AND FACETIME WERE DOWN FOR SOME USERS," WHO
"COMPLAINED ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SEND AND RECEIVE TEXT
MESSAGES OR PLACE FACETIME CALLS."
OH, NO. WITHOUT TEXT OR FACETIME, HOW
WERE THEY SUPPOSED TO COMMUNICATE USING THEIR PHONE?<i>
( LAUGHTER )</i> <i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
THAT "YOUR CAT RECOGNIZES THE SPECIAL WAY YOU TALK TO IT."
SO, CAT OWNERS, WHEN YOU TELL YOUR CAT TO STOP SCRATCHING THE
NEW SILK PILLOWS BUT HE KEEPS DOING IT, IT'S NOT BECAUSE HE
CAN'T HEAR YOU. <i> ( CUTE VOICE )</i>
HE'S GONNA EAT YOUR EYEBALLS WHEN YOU DIE.
MEANWHILE, "A STUDY FOUND THAT PEOPLE HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO
THAN COMMUTE." <i> ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERING )</i> WOULD RATHER BE "SPENDING TIME
WITH FAMILY" OR "EXERCISING," WHILE THE MOST HONEST
PARTICIPANTS SAID THEY'D RATHER SPEND THEIR DAYS SAYING THEY'RE
GONNA EXERCISE THEN SIT ON THE COUCH WATCHING "BELOW DECK
MED" IN RUNNING SHORTS. MEANWHILE, IN SPREADABLE NEWS,
DESPITE THE LOOMING BUTTER SHORTAGE, "THE USAGE OF FANCY
BUTTER BOARDS IS SOARING," WHICH IS "TAKING A STICK OF BUTTER AND
SPREADING IT ON A CHARCUTERIE BOARD AND THEN ADDING WHATEVER
YOU WANT." NOTE TO MY LOVED ONES: IF YOU
EVER SEE ME SPREADING AN ENTIRE STICK OF BUTTER ON A BOARD AND
I'M ABOUT TO EAT IT, WHAT I WANT IS PROZAC.<i>
( APPLAUSE )</i> PICTURES FROM NIKON'S ANNUAL
"SMALL WORLD" COMPETITION, A CONTEST FOR TINY PICTURES OF
TINY THINGS, AND THIS YEAR'S BATCH IS PRETTY WILD.
HERE'S A ZEBRAFISH, PHOTOGRAPHED A MERE 72 HOURS INTO ITS
DEVELOPMENT, CAPTURING THE EXACT MOMENT THAT IT REALIZED ITS
WHOLE FAMILY WENT TO PARIS WITHOUT IT.<i>
( LAUGHTER )</i> MEANWHILE, "A SWEDISH ZOO CLOSED
WHEN A KING COBRA ESCAPED ITS EXHIBIT."
I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE HEARD THAT ANNOUNCEMENT:
"OKAY, FOLKS, NO REASON TO PANIC, BUT THE ZOO IS CLOSING.
JUST SOME ROUTINE MAINTENANCE, REPAIRS, THERE'S A KING COBRA ON
THE LOOSE, CLEANING, INVENTORY, CATCHING THE COBRA, SERVICING
EQUIPMENT. NOW, ONCE IN A WHILE, THERE'S A
BIT OF A STORY BEHIND HOW WE HANDLE A STORY HERE AT "THE
LATE SHOW." WHEN THAT HAPPENS, I LIKE TO
TELL YOU ABOUT IT IN MY MEANWHILE SUB-SEGMENT:
"BEHIND-THE-SCENES-WHILE." YOU SEE, THAT STORY ABOUT THE
SNAKE LOOSE IN SWEDEN? INITIALLY, MY WRITER/PRODUCER,
MIKE BRUMM, HAD THE IDEA THAT WE TAKE A SONG BY SWEDISH BAND ABBA
AND CHANGE THEIR LYRICS TO BE ABOUT THIS ESCAPED SNAKE.
SO MIKE DID, LIKE, A TRIAL VERSION OF A VIDEO WHERE HE USES
HIS OWN VOICE FOR A SCRATCH TRACK, A PROOF OF CONCEPT.
SOMETIMES IT WORKS, AND THE BAND OVER THERE THEN DOES A BEAUTIFUL
VERSION OF IT. AND SOMETIMES IT DOESN'T WORK,
AND YOU NEVER SEE IT. BUT THIS TIME, IT SO VERY DID
NOT WORK THAT, WITH MIKE'S PERMISSION, I'M GONNA SHOW IT TO
YOU NOW. JIM? <i> ( "DANCING QUEEN" PLAYING )</i>
♪ IT CAN BITE <i> ( "DANCING QUEEN" PLAYING )</i>
♪ IT CAN BITE YOU CAN DIE
♪ OH, SEE THAT SNAKE TAKE COVER
♪ PUT IN THE COBRA SNAKE >> Stephen: WE DIDN'T CUT AWAY FROM THAT SONG IN THE MIDDLE.<i>
( APPLAUSE )</i> SONG IN THE MIDDLE.
THAT'S AS FAR AS HE GOT. HE SAID, "YOU WANT ME TO FINISH
IT?" I SAID-- I SAID NO.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
