Martin Short - Letterman - 2015.05.06

my first guess of one of the funniest men on the planet listen to this talk about a gig is one-man show an evening with Martin Short we'll be at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas on May 22nd ladies and gentlemen here he is mr. Entertainment Martin Short look wonderful are you look for once again thank you so much for being here you do look tremendous how have you been and what have you been doing well first of all before we get to all your prepared text let me just say one thing to you and I know I've said this before and everyone salut on this big phony you look sensational and I wonder I mean are you getting younger looking are you just asking your staff to dim the lighting I mean I mean it's the kale enemas is that what it is I'm sorry the kale enemas it could be did you have your calves and planters I mean not just well it's very kind of gonna be now it's just insane I mean all the stuff I mean it's just I mean I look at you and all I think to myself whatever he's doing 30% more and he's Angela Lansbury yeah well thank you your wife you very much and you smell terrific really yeah is that tank ray or Beefeater I know is it Paulie who gets custody of Paul like you all will be just fine Paul now looks like the world's hippest back massager back massager in Emily and air course he goes to the barber and says I'll have a Brazilian ya know Barney some people shampoo their hair yeah he pledges his ah he looked he said one of the rare of things in television rare people he looks like Kojak and kojak's lollipop that's very unique let me ask you a question you've been coming on our show I have for over 30 years that's true do you remember the first appearance the first was on the old show and everybody it was December 3rd 1982 and you guys you were doing more high concept shows back then so it was on at 12:30 to 1:30 yes and I was on of course the Vera I was promoting se TV but I was the last last guest and I kept us to come on at 20 after one and the high concept that you were doing that night was that you would at 20 after one you said well that's our show ladies and gentlemen good night and then you leave and they rolled all the credits and the audience is applauding and you come back out and say what you want more and then alright we'll bring out one more guest yeah unfortunately it's got a clever movie unfortunately everyone I knew turned out including my wife no one watched not one person I knew watched me in the first letter but I was excited you know just beginning a messy TV by God there was a show and there was a show how many years were you part of that ah three years three years yeah honey but I mean it was it was on the like Friday nights was that we were Friday nights at 12:30 to 2:00 in the morning and the cast again too numerous to mention but everybody and John Candy Eugene Levy Catherine O'Hara Andrea Martin Thomas Rick Moran yes Wow who am i leaving out it says war over when you leave someone that I know I'm talking tell you Tony Rosado Tony was out Oh Tony puts out a Robin do property there's a lot of people but it was fantastic and and then you've had been in show business major league show business along to like your first gig like when you were what was the show with Tony Bennett that you kiddin I was a pond actually did the arranger this 1974 and it was a show you're just a kid 19 cent I was 24 and I was a kind of a boy singer III remember I get I I'd have to but you'd have to pay you I would appear once a week and this show was on every night everything goes hosted by norm Crosby I think that and I I remember I it was a band and I would just come in and sing a couple of songs I'd have to pay for the charts which cost me $360 and I'd get paid 120 dollars so I was already out doing and and I remember I had to follow Tony Bennett it was a terrifying thing he uh it was a 90-minute show and he was to open the show and I was on the last you know 15 minutes but there was a snowstorm in Toronto so they started the show was live and then Tony suddenly arrives you know and he says yeah absurd nades I'm ready to think forget your troubles come on it's a great time but why don't we wait till were on the air you know and so they get so tony gets out and he's killing you know when Johanna left me everyday with summer and as Tony is killing upstage they not do they'd say go next and I say you can't follow a singer with a singer and and cuz you know that's a rule one rule of show business you don't know there are other rules you don't carpool with Suge Knight and that is a rule that if the rule of show business now you don't say to Bill Cosby hey could you mix my wife a drink I didn't realize it you know you don't embark on a conversation with Matthew McConaughey without an exit strategy I mean these are just rules of show you have an accent yeah I just badly learned over good so I said so I said I said you can't follow a singer with a singer and they said watch and so they they as Tony's killing upstage I'm downstage and a stool and either and that's why Chicago's my town whatever you know Chicago Gaga's mob plane and so then they go to norm Crosby and says and he goes thanks Tony now here's a kid who really sings good Marty short yeah and I'm on a stool and my hand is shaking no cue cards frightened long hair kind of a ban launch shirt nothing works I say well what a spot following Tony Bennett and nothing zero and I start the song I'm singing Stevie Wonder's you and I and I go here we are on earth together it's you and me and I'm ready or wrong it's you and I and when I sing you and me every lyric flows out of my head and I start then just making up lyrics and subconsciously impersonating Tony Bennett here we are on earth together it's you and me a love was made it was made in heaven too I should like to eat some stew you and I you and I you and I I can't hit the notes so then I'd go into the bathroom afterwards I'm throwing cold water in my face and Tony Bennett comes in oh and I am amazed nice and I'm expecting him to give me a pearl of wisdom and he just looks at me says you're froze good kid good night are we go you're froze good rose good kid this is the kind of thing I will miss stories from you that will roll off you stop by the ha I wish you would we'll be right back from Martin Short ladies that I don't know if it's the same year same era certainly uh I remember that that was when I was in Senate live from SNL no no that was into that picture they just showed us yeah 84 was he no one was lured Clifford was no 1990 I was 40 when I played a 10 year old day you insure you and Charles Grodin that's right and when I can remember I had a copy of that and I cook at home and I watch it I was delighted I was overwhelmed I thought oh my god this is from another galaxy yeah just look at me like a human boy that I used to be able to purse prisoner I remember working the Charles groaning that he had just written a book which I had not read but I pretended I dread and and every dime every time he'd start a new story he'd say you know I remember one time I was working on it's in the book yeah but I really the first day we were shooting you know I was playing a ten-year-old it was very important that he was 10 not 13 right because he had to be prepubescent so they had said to me would you have to shave your legs you know near them put creamed with a hair removal dávila night before right and of course I forgot to do it so when we get to the trailer I tell guys I'm sorry I forgot let's just do it now and we'll get the makeup done and the hair and thing so and I had this makeup guy John Elliott that I'd done a few films with so I just you know I took off my pants or was earning box or underwear and I just put my legs up like this and there were two women hairdressers Chris Lee and her assistant I'd never met before and then and I'm talking to John how's the wife of the kids and they're nearing my legs and they're putting cream on it you know and then they're getting the they're taking the you know the hair off it and I'm sitting there in my underwear and I'm talking to John away and then they finish I can hear them washing the towels in the back and I look back and my penis is hanging out of my box around and and I not I have not moved in it I'm not moved in it first day on the shooter's day the shoot so tell me about two weeks of nervousness where I finally went up to to Chris Christine Lee the hairdresser I said Chris you like jackpot I gotta ask you something that that first day when you neared my legs with my penis hanging out of my boxer underwear she said yeah and I'll tell you this if I'd known you then like I know you now I woulda shut that thing back in this this show out in Las Vegas is fantastic but the show that I want to see is the one that you do periodically around the country with the Steve Martin that must be tremendously enter it is and fun right lightly so much fun I mean Steve is one of my oldest friends he's a giant talent and the main thing that you're amazed at when you're on stage with them is beyond the fact that you're there on stage with Steve you just look and say how can any human being who's alive be this pale and I looked at him the other night we were in Detroit I looked over I said it looks like there's a white hairpiece on a urinal that's what that's yeah ah I don't know whether he's wearing makeup or powdered sugar it's harder he naked he looks like an oily he's wearing an astronaut suit you know so so yeah you didn't dealing it when he was born the doctor said oh my god it's a pillow now yeah I'm told and I'm hopeful and we'll see when we come back with Martin Short it's another great one tomorrow is and first aid kit plus check out Dave Matthews Band's legends at Leatherman performance Dave Matthews Band's exclusive Ed Sullivan Theater concert webcam dreams live Thursday at 9:00 p.m. Eastern 6:00 p.m. Pacific at cbs.com when it fits you know I I think I can do this I don't want to pressure you and I don't want to be but I can because we have so few shows left and you're always so kind when you come out here with a song and I don't know if you have one for us well I I actually I do have one but let me just say what because I would love I do I do I do I do want to say one thing though because this is like you know I doing on this show for over 50 times 50 100 50 mm and I I want to just thank you for allowing me to promote all the things that rarely open door work but still that's different it's a whole different conversation and but I do think it's a testament to you Dave of how hard all the people with any merit were wanted to work you know like we're talking with Steve before Steve through the years martin has phoned me up and will say tell me if you think this joke is funny and I'll pretend it is and and but then I'll say what is this for me so I got Letterman in three months yeah three months Wow really and that is began and it's I think it's it kind of so I want to thank you and your staff and the writers list well it goes all the way around because people like yourself and like Steve Martin Marie and Tom Hanks and on and on and on have been so great for us and really invested their time and and I agree with that but I think that you set that tone right off the gate with very high standard of comedy and broadcasting which made us want to work very hard to to play oh you're very sweet yeah how about a little more importantly above a song and again I'm happy to do it song oh that would be really you yeah that's it Edwin about no room I mean should I do it right to you on you right here on the desk I grew up I'm not gonna and if it for and if it falls up I'm gonna shove it right back well vegans talk is cheap I'm doing it over there fine thank you you know in my business or in our business or thank you of course although in your case that's not for an event as momentous as Dave Letterman's retirement is rare so it's important I pay tribute and the only way performers do by making it about me you know I've had this number prepared for some time to be honest Dave I wrote it for your funeral it's true you're about the same age but I always figured you know I'd outlive you because of your but I decided to do your funeral number tonight since I probably want to attend your funeral now because well unless of course I have something to promote and then I will you want to be there for that and this is gonna get a little tricky for me to get through stupid emotions so let's just um give it a try show Paul but you go say goodbye to David the guy we laughed at from our beds how we'll miss his top ten lists now that he is dead just lay his coffin in the ground and play us one last blast crash sound Davis skipped his last rehearsal he won't be back after the next commercial you're at peace now happy no more guests look shows to shill you'll never have to fake a lie at jokes from dr. Phil or Bill O'Reilly yakking about the factor for 30 years Dave never cares for actors serene and calm now that he's been in bombed never look better day let a man how Dave live past 60 a miracle to me he smokes cigars and sped in cars hello daddy he lived through dog attacks and Jack had as somehow the guy survived feud with it's the end my potential farewell well Oh thank you very much beautiful morning thank you very much god bless you every thank you forever the wonderful Barney short everybody

Channel: Andrew L

Views: 652,512

Rating: 4.8220024 out of 5

Keywords: Martin Short, Letterman, David Letterman, Short, Late Show With David Letterman, Late Show, 2015, May 6, May, Funeral Song, Tony Bennett, Clifford

Id: rgpUULV0-Ps

Length: 21min 24sec (1284 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 25 2015