Love Like You’ve Never Been Hurt | Jentezen Franklin | Joni Table Talk | Joni Lamb

[Music] well what does it mean to love somebody and what does real godly love look like today with the help of our special guest we'll look at how we should love people and the reality of loving beyond the hurt but first joining me around the table is my daughter Rachel Ann brown how are you loving beyond the hurt that's an important concept for really all family to understand it's really important sometimes it's hard to love people but it's what we should do and when we do we can find freedom and so many people are looking for that that's good Rebecca lamb how are you I'm good is this a important topic you think for the body of Christ to hear oh I would say it's an essential topic yeah yeah Cindy Murdock we have a few hurts we had to deal with over the last few years in ministry yeah and just when you think it is behind you you know like our guest said once he said you don't forget it but you must forgive it and I hate it when that not forget it thing pops up every now yeah you got a process yeah you ever we had a guess I don't remember which one cuz we have 70 hundred but someone said you're either in the middle of something coming out of something we're about to go into something Justin Franklin welcome to the table again nice cheerful that's a great saying yes it's true and you need to you know you need to be prepared I think I think if we remember that Matthew 18 jesus said offenses will come he said it he said he said at that plane it's gonna happen somebody's gonna betray you somebody's gonna lie on you somebody's gonna hurt you somebody's gonna do something that breaks your heart yeah so it's gonna happen it's true it's true well it's a reality that's often all too familiar the people we love the most can also be those who hurt us the greatest in his new book love like you've never been hurt Jennsen shares the lessons he's learned in his own life and how we can find hope and healing when we love like Christ loved you know really I think all great books are born out of many times personal experiences and I know that you and Charisse are very open honest and true parent and you're gonna have to get the book to hear all the details but maybe we can just touch on lightly you know so one of the you know things that you and Charisse went through with one of your children are probably all of your children it's all over with I mean because I mean we talked openly about things we've gone through with our kids in the yard doing great praise God right so tell us that tell us a little bit about your story well you know we have five kids and four daughters and one boy and you know our life has been centered all of our life around the church I mean that's all we've ever known day in day out is its life in the church and just like I did I wondered about the other world you know what's it like out there and sometimes you don't know that you're living in acres of diamonds yeah and you have to leave the father's house and go out and find out there's a pigpen out there there's a lot of hurt and pain out there I did it unfortunately I'm not proud little seasoned there where I just wanted to know what's well what else is out there yeah but I found out everything I was looking for was back in the father's house but we went through a real trial that lasted about three years that it felt like the lights went out in our home and her family in our life that Miss fear of our home changed when when trouble comes to your house real trouble it can change that mysterium peace and serenity and and suddenly it's conflict it's anger its bitterness is evil-speaking bitter talking names calling all that stuff and one of our daughters went off to college and just went down the wrong road and live in that party life you know and we brought her back home it was a painful thing you know I'll remember us picking her up and driving that three-hour drive back a lot of Tears lot of Tears we has left everything there we left her bed everything there all the stuff we just had to get out of there we knew Cherise knew that before I did I sometimes I think women have a better discernment that men on on issues particularly when it comes to those children I guess because you carry them you're so connected and she knew she came to me I'll never forget it on a Wednesday I was about 30 minutes from going out to preach and she was and she was in tears and she said we've got to go get our daughter if we don't get her she may end up dead or something we didn't know we knew something terrible was going on we didn't know the extent of what was going on and so we we end up you know getting hurt and it was very emotional and we driving back home turned the service over to someone else yeah oh yeah yeah gladly and and to make a long story short basically we got home and you know you think there's a quick fix to these things but what really is tough with family and relationships is when there's no quick fix yeah when the pain and the hurt and the choices have really done damage you've got to work through a process now yeah and so we we thought it would get better and it actually got worse and some of that was our fault but I appreciate the fact that you kind of turned the mirror on yourself and you say okay for those of you watching you probably or you may be going through this or you might go through this because listen when kids turn into teenagers and young adults and they've got their own car and they're off to college it's wrong I mean you can train them up in the way they should go but they've eventually got to make those choices but one of the things that really stood out to me is that you were saying one of the things you've learned and you would like to share with our audience today is how you respond in the face of adversity and when everything seemingly going wrong especially with one of your children yeah and I mean when it when it hit us we would face it you know in total three times in different ways different levels yeah but that first time particularly you know because because now you're not dealing with an infant or an adolescent you're dealing with an adult she was 17 18 years old yeah and and now she you know you it's a different thing and what happened to us is that I'm that I'm sorry for but I want to other people to learn is is in me I felt angry I felt so broken and so hurt and then I would feel I would feel anger I would feel and and Cherise would say things you know she that that she that she probably regrows she does she regrets some of the things that she said yeah because those feelings are real that you're having it they love it is the point man that's it and you don't you don't even mean what you're saying but you're so hurt say say words if you look up the word not you're a glisten in the in the dictionary it has two strange meanings and it's this is there I checked it today I wanted to make sure and it said it's something that can blow up it's used it to for explosions to destroy to blow up and then it said in the same sentence or it can be used to heal the heart nitroglycerin pills is what somebody who's having heart trouble needs so your tongue and the words that you speak or and I are like nitro you can either blow up the bridges of relationships with your words or you can start healing the heart with your words and I talk about it in a whole chapter in the book about the power of our words and how that you know words are multipliers whatever you speak the moment you speak it it begins to multiply so when you call a harsh name when you say you're acting like this or I didn't raise you to be this way yeah it really you're not going to amount to anything that's right though you know those kinds of words that they go into the atmosphere of eternity that's right yeah in the book of James he actually references the tongue and he compares it to like a bridle and a horse's mouth even though it's this little piece of metal the tongue is a little thing maneuver a horse they can a rudder can maneuver whole ship and once part contrition set an entire forest on fire that's how powerful your tongue is in your words it is and and so you know we begin to have major confrontations and and you know I was just so offended that everything that I felt like I preached and poured in to you know tried to pour into my kids now it's come to my house I always almost had a I tell you one thing that surfaced in my life that God used it for the good is it broke pride yeah I didn't know that I had a lot of religious pride so to speak I have some of that too I have to admit and where I thought you know we kind of lived in Camelot I kind of lived there yeah and then I remember Fred Kendall said to me he's like Joanie Camelot does not exist and it doesn't exist and and it gave me you know things that we've gone through in our family in our life it gave me so much compassion whereas you know I almost had like a pride in that oh like you said that Oh that'll never happen to us they'll never touch our family and and I mean it can happen to anybody I have to say to you like I'm so proud of both of you guys we're talking about this and sharing it because our generation craves something that's real that's so good sometimes when we look at the pulpit we see these perfect you know people that we feel like are perfect and really like we all struggle we all go through things and I know like in my own life I went through something at a similar time as when your daughter's went through and I didn't turn my life around until somebody loved me when it didn't make sense so when I was rude or when I was harsher I was critical or I was doing things they shouldn't do they said you know I love you and no matter what you do she's like I'm gonna always love you I'm always gonna be there I think that the question that a lot of people are probably gonna have is when somebody's hurt them and you need to love them how can you love them but still also have boundaries it depends on the attitude of that person if that person is truly wanting to build the relationship there's two kinds of forgiveness one is one that you extend that both parties won't but then there's people that you get in conflict with and the other party does they don't even acknowledge the offense that they've done to you they don't even acknowledge it they absolutely think it's only you and you only that has the problems with those kinds of people you do have to have boundaries I believe I believe you'd have to set up something that that guards you emotionally so that you're not constantly thrown into the storm into the anger into the you know back and forth so you do have to love some people from a distance but you truly have to search your heart you can't do that you know you really have to search your heart and say have I truly forgiven this person I may not need them in my life the rest of my life let's say somebody does something the abuse is one of your children or or somebody rips you off thousands of dollars that doesn't mean they have to be at your table all the time yeah I think that you know my we share in the book about sharise's dad and just tons of dysfunction disappointment over over and and it got to the place Joni that that that began to affect our marriage majorly every time he would come into the picture it would bring chaos to our family that's a great example that we talked about that we had to set up boundaries some people didn't understand it some people accused us and still do of you don't practice what you preach but you have to work out your own salvation but you have to do it with true humility and true brokenness but we knew what we had to do to hold our family and protect our children in our lives and so we had to set up boundaries in that particular situation he's gone on to be with the Lord he did get right and go and go go out of this world right and I'm so thankful for that but you know particularly when people have addictions when people have the you know there's a lot their lifestyle is dangerous they're they're mentally unstable and and won't get the help that they need anger and rage and violence you have to protect and have safe boundaries I can remember what you're talking about with sharise cuz we go way back with you guys and not to tell every detail but I just remember one particular incident when we came to visit y'all you were building a house and he was helping and she had opened her heart once again like she had done many times to trust him and in the middle of that project he he just left high and dry and and I remembered the scene the disappointment hearing the disappointment in her once again she is so hoped that a bridge could be built and that's what you're talking about you can't let that happen over and over yeah I mean it devastated us financially it was you know it was it was just bad it was just bad all the way around but here's the good part of that story and I mention it in the book we Cherise had to then build the house on her own she had built a smaller house but this was our main home that we had saved up for and so it was a big undertaking for us she was good at it she didn't know she could be a but she said we we had this idea that when we laid them poured the foundation she said if I'm gonna build I want to build on the Word of God and we took a Bible and we put it in a plastic bag and we laid it down and we watched them pour the cement over the foundation that's good I love our home yeah and she built that home we still live in that same home twenty-something years later yeah and every storm that came to that home every every you know Jesus said there are two kinds of foundation sand in rock and rock and and this is the rock and and I reminded myself in our darkest hours when all hail it felt like every demon in Hell had come to my house yeah but we we had that Bible down that nobody could see there was a foundation our home that's what it meant to us and opened it I felt led to open it to where it says that wealth and riches will be in your house and your children will be great and it's all about family and so when the wind came and it will come don't you ever get self-righteous and sit back and judge people who are going through storms something's wrong with you if you can see people hurting broken devastated and and you can you get off bye-bye being like you those poor people when the storm cut it comes notice in that parable that Jesus told the rain and the storms beat vehement Lee against their home both of them the one that was built on sand but the one that was built on the rock went through the same stuff Dean a Christian doesn't mean that you're not gonna have challenged in your marriage and your family wake up I thought if I serve the Lord and reread the Bible and had family devotions that it that I won't ever have the storm the storms gonna come to your house just like it does them but if it's built on the rock and I can remember laying in that bed at night sometimes and just crying tears you know going down your face you don't know where your child is you don't know you don't know nothing you're going you feel like you're losing your mind and I would remind myself this house this Franklin house was built on the foundation the Word of God so what do you think do you think it was that that brought the turning point with your daughter where change came yeah it was a again it was a process in that you know she had she had her journey and God was doing something in her but he also was doing something in me and Charisse and then you have the dynamic of the other kids that are teenagers too and and it really affected them you know because then we felt the responsibility of well I can't let this stuff go on in my house because the other kids are watching and if I allow her to do that then then that's gonna have ramifications all out through the house these this is where real families are this is the real you you got people watching right now they got kids hooked on drugs your your your daughter is pregnant out of wedlock and and you have to overcome your natural instinct of revenge and bitterness and anger yeah you have to love like you've never been hurt yeah and you know that that love factor I think is so important and we Rachel mentioned that we would say that to her but the same time even though you love unconditionally you never stop speaking the truth right inland you don't compromise what the Word of God says in that process not at all and you can't you can't and it goes back to the truth of the word and and so what we what we finally you know begin to see is she she ended up getting married and and and we we had trouble being honest you know accepting that dealing with that it was a process and here's the thing we want that quick thing and this is if no people don't get anything else out of this book I hope they hear this this is a big point it's like a bottle of ketchup you know like a they used to serve ketchup in glass bottles you remember that yeah now you got the quick squeezable oh you got it you want to you just squeeze it and it's there but back in our day number one you got to break the seal open exactly I mean that's like you need to be you need to be heavily anointed there's little rubber things to put on this and it's just like forgiveness in our heart it's you got to get open it you never gonna have and then you turn it upside down and nothing happens but what most I'm gonna tell you what live only eleven percent of people know according to heinens.com that if you buy Heinz ketchup there is a little circle where of and it has the number 57 on it they strategically design the bottle that if you will tap on that 57 it will bring the quickest release of the contents the contents are under such pressure they've been shut up under pressure that you can't just turn it up and ketchup will come out of a glass bottle but if you will just take on the knife or something and tap or take your fingers and tap in the right place it might take a minute but the contents will begin to be released that is exactly how forgiveness works you just start first of all you got to be open restart my heart Lord I didn't like this I didn't agree with this I this is not the way that I would have chose for things to go but at some point you have to swallow your pride your argument and and open up your heart again and say Holy Spirit restart my heart you've done it you did it you model to the world you model to the world what it means to you you could have chosen I know I have and here's the thing you can convince yourself you have a right to never take that lid off but the Holy Spirit comes running in if you'll let him with those were those shockers and he'll put them on your heart and he'll say restart your heart and then you just start tapping yeah and it's just I'm gonna pick up the phone and we're gonna talk I'm gonna I don't expect a miracle from this but I'm gonna hit in the right spot I'm Roman saved said we've been given the ministry Romans 15 of reconciliation if you have a conflict in your family or in your home or in your marriage God has given you a ministry the Ministry of reconciliation keep tapping keep asking keep reaching keep loving keep calling keep inviting out keep eating meals together at first it's awkward it's yeah but you just keep tapping it took it took a minute yeah it's still there still we're still tapping to be completely but but more and more our hearts are being made one again yeah there's nothing more beautiful to me then when family start hugging and crying after all conflict hugging and crying and kissing calling and texting you eating and doing that again don't you want that again aren't you tired it's I think we need to quit arguing who's right and who's wrong sometimes it's just all of us just needing to throw down all of that and say I'm restarting my heart yeah it's time to love like we've never been hurt you hurt me I hurt you let's quit let's stop this nonsense and one of the things you said is when people hurt you you know it's easy that you want your initial reaction to be to hurt them back or to be angry or to become offended but you said you can make a decision you can take ownership of yourself and you say even though you hurt me I can still love you and God showed me that verse it's this greater see that is me then he's in the world nice to always think well God's more powerful than anything world well one of the things I feel like the Lord showed me was that because Jesus is in me he can respond to people in a christ-like way and I don't have to lower myself and go down to where that person is and hurt them back but I can love people like Christ did and when Jesus was on the cross they offered him that bitter wine see it and he would take the cup the cup of bitterness just how Jesus could did not take a cup of bitterness we also don't have to take the cup of bitterness yeah he said Father forgive them and we say well they haven't even asked me to free you may be saying well they haven't even asked me nobody asked him yeah but he loved like he had never been with nails in his hands except for they know not what they know not what they kind of reminds me there's a quote that says it's easier to act your way into a feeling it is to feel your way into an action so sometimes when we feel it if we just start acting on forgiveness is not a field it is a choice and unforgiveness hurts forgiveness heals you can rewrite your future so good yeah if you will forgive you know I was thinking about Cindy we only got about a minute left but I really felt like there are people watching that you have gone through divorce it didn't end the way you thought it was gonna end and you're dealing with some of the feelings that we're talking about nobody talked about kids and been really this relates to any situation that you're going through where you have been hurt and because you chose to forgive and very difficult situation married in ministry to a minister and you thought your that would be your life story and Emily joy and the reality of what you had to deal with which that's another whole program Cindy shared it many times but quickly how did you forgive them for that person watching that struggling that maybe has gone through a divorce is there life after is there purpose after there is life after and purpose after and it's not easy and it's not always overnight but it's exactly as Jensen said it's a choice of your will to forgive and I had to come to the place and sometimes it seemed like it was a daily thing of God please forgive you know forgive me for harboring the horrible feelings toward people involved in all that and if their name would arise I would be oh just angry and come unglued and but daily asking the Lord to help me to forgive and I begin to make actions and pray for them and I still do to this day when I Drive past a prison it reminds me of where my ex-husband is and I say Lord be with him and help him through this time of his life that he's going through and God has been able to help me forgive the other people that were involved to where I release them that they can go on with their life and God has given me a brand-new life and God as a result of that obedience to forgive because it's not a choice really God gives us I mean he commands us to forgive I mean even in the Lord's Prayer forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us when you did that when you did that when you did that y'all do it when I did it it's like God begins to supernaturally open up doors and send blessings your way that you never could have ever believed could have happened yeah yeah exactly the Lord has given me a husband that loves me so crazily and God has blessed that daughter and the other daughters that that got off track he has blessed them there they are in right relationship with Christ they're doing amazing God is faithful yeah well that's a good word for you watching today I want you to know you're not alone all of us sitting at the table have experienced pain and in the Christian walk it's just like Jensen said it rains on the just and the unjust at the same time but the thing that we have is that assurance and that promise that Jesus said I'll never leave you I'll never forsake you I'll go with you to the end of the world he's gonna walk with us every step of the way he's gonna walk with you every step of the way and you can love like you've never been hurt and that's what the book is about well we are out of time I want to thank pastor Jensen for joining at the table I do want to get Charisse to come sometime socially if you're watching this I'm calling out your name be sure to pick up a copy these new book love like you've never been heard it's available now and for more you can visit him online at Jensen Franklin org again if you're watching today and you've been hurt you need God to show you how to love beyond that or maybe you've heard someone in need God to bring restoration God wants to touch your life today and that's why that toll-free number is on the screen we have prayer partners standing by 24 hours a day calls that come in from around the world and we pray over every one of those prayer requests that come in you can also again send your prayer request in by going to day Starcom and clicking on prayer as well as calling that toll-free number and we're just honored to agree with you in prayer today also remember to join the conversation online after the program by leaving us a comment on Facebook or Facebook or Twitter thank you so much for watching thank you Jensen thank you ladies honor II love you it's gonna get better I promise you yes that first step open your heart and say Lord I'm ready to forgive in Jesus name bye-bye for today this has been a day star television production you

Channel: The Way Of Life Church

Views: 24,053

Rating: 4.8908381 out of 5

Keywords: the way of life church, groeschel, lifechurch, life.churchtv, church, god's word, sermon, Christian, bible, God, Love Like You’ve Never Been Hurt, Never Been Hurt, Jentezen Franklin, Joni Table Talk, Joni Lamb

Id: SK6a-ubGB4c

Length: 27min 53sec (1673 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 17 2018