Love Cannot Exist Without Trust

I'm coach Cory Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the top of this newsletter is going to be love cannot exist without trust I've got four emails that I'm gonna go through with you today but before we get into it I got a quote I'd like to share with you and it says when it comes to all types of relationships such as romantic business friendships teammates military etc you must be able to trust the other party if you can't trust the other people who you are in relationship with there can be no comfort without trust and comfort there can be no love and security honorable people say what they mean and mean what they say dishonorable people lie out of fear that they won't be loved and accepted or get what they want instead of trying to change a devious person choose to associate with people whose innate nature is to do the right thing what's getting that first guy's email he says hey Corey I found your online article about dating dishonest women extremely helpful and relevant so I decided to get a more direct feedback from a current issue here's the problem I'm 29 I've been in relationship with a girl that who's twenty four for three and a half years and been engaged for one year now I love her a lot and I never felt so great and connected with anyone before both of us come from a Russian background and we currently live in the States we've been in somewhat of a long-distance relationship which is a two-hour drive apart since I moved to do my PhD close by in a city she lives with her parents who are extremely traditional and strict especially her mother they do not allow her to sleep over until we get married that's always fun he says there have been some cases where she was allowed to either visit or sleep over by parents house when I visit but it's always a huge deal and she gets long lectures from her parents in many cases she lies to them when she is with me and visits me during the day here's here's the thing it's like some people just don't get and I see this a lot I used to mentor at-risk kids when I was in my late 20s and the thing that I think a lot of parents still understand is like kids get to be in their teenage years and they're so focused on trying to control their children and make them do what they want to do that's like the child is no longer able to have an open honest relationship and tell their parents what's really going on because no matter what they say they're gonna get judged and they're gonna get punished and so what happens well a child starts lying and deceiving the parents because he doesn't want to the grief and then the kid goes out and makes all kinds of mistakes and it's like the child gets to be a teenager and the parents don't even know them anymore because a child no longer feels comfortable coming to mom and dad and saying hey I got a problem I got this I got that I mean it's like I love Oh dr. Wayne Dyer said he said kids come through you they don't come for you and the interesting thing is is that instead of having a great relationship because at the end of the day as a parents like we kids to be around like 12 years old and they really started expressing their own identity the only thing you could really do at that point is give them advice and say well if you do this here's the potential consequences and here's the potential benefits and give them the option that's it's like that it's like the analogy with a pot of boiling water on the stove it's like don't touch that the kid pulls it down and obviously burns burns himself and as a parent you'd much rather have an honest relationship with a child is going to tell you everything and you you treat them as a trusted adviser because especially getting in their teenage years most their time they're going to be away from you especially when they are with their friends or their there at school itself and the best thing you could do is give them wisdom to help them make good healthy decisions but if you don't have a relationship with them at all and they don't tell you any you can't even advise them good or bad on what to do I mean to me that's this common sense but you see it's like it starts out as a pattern when they're younger and then they just end up deceiving their parents and then the kids get in trouble the parents like they're just totally stunned that their child is doing all this stuff and it's just because there's no honesty there's no trust there he says she promised that she would move in with me once she finishes the university what should have happened six months ago but she keeps on retaking courses and staying in school longer we talked every day and we say and we text each other that we love each other every day I caught her lying about small and not so small things before we would have a fight and then she would apologize and life would go on eventually I realize she's still emotionally immature mostly due to the environment that she lives in which is constant control and she lies to her parents yeah it's just she does it so callously it's so casually with her family that she doesn't even think twice about lying to you because most the time obviously it works out for and so she's emotionally been conditioned that it feels better to lie because she's avoiding Pinkus human beings will do more to avoid pain than they'll do to gain pleasure and so for her telling the truth is emotionally painful so therefore she lives in two seas because it doesn't create drama doesn't create problems unless of course she gets busted in the lie he says in this that all this will be fixed when she moves out and she starts a grown-up life I still told her that I wouldn't tolerate lying and would break up with her if she ever did well it's like obviously she'd be doing a lot a lot of lying and you're still with her so you're not being congruent with your words you're bullshitting yourself here a little bit because you told her I'm not gonna tolerate this then she does and you're like okay let's take you back I was forgiven he says I am NOT a control freak and I let her hang out with her girl friends and whoever as long as everything is transparent I like how you I give it I let her hang out like she's not your possession dude she's not your dog that you can order around I mean cuz at the end the day if somebody's gonna lie to you is they're gonna deceive you if they're gonna cheat on you they're gonna do it now it's not a damn thing you do about it so the idea is to give them enough rope to hang themselves and if you see the true nature of who you're dealing with you just you know say hey look this doesn't work for me I can't deal with all this devious business line cuz at the other day at the girl comes from a good family which has a good relationship with their parents the shit's not gonna be going on she's not gonna be a liar she's not gonna be devious like this and this is something like I've talked about this for I had a girlfriend and she was like this she was very devious by nature and her parents were in their 60s and they were still lying to each other I mean I've been together like 40-something years they have four kids and they're still lying to each other so keeping secrets from where oh don't don't sell to tell so-and-so's and they would try to involve me or things that they've told that 1:01 tell me something confidence oh don't don't tell my wife or she tell me something common don't tell my husband it's just put you in uncomfortable positions like Jesus Christ you're making out over 40 [ __ ] years and you can't you can't tell the truth it's it's absurd so it's like if her parents have been like that her whole life what was it how can I possibly think that she would ever change or be any different and it's like that never made me feel comfortable in relation because I caught her in enough lies and it's like once you see that pattern happened it's not like every day but it's like every couple of months something happens and she lies about it but after a couple years of this so I could get tired of it you never feel comfortable and if you don't feel comfortable if you don't trust the person you can't really love them because you just don't feel safe and comfortable in the relationship you can't have an effortless relationship with somebody that you never know whether or not they're bullshitting you were lying to you he says things got really shitty in the last month or so and when I came back from a couple of conferences overseas I was out of touch with the Internet I suddenly discovered that she posted a series of photo shoots of her on Facebook while giving credits to different men for the shoots I confronted her and why why she did this behind my back and she could have told me and asked me if I am okay with that excetera and response I get why my model now and I run my own modeling agency so there you go he says she promised to drop all of this when she moves in well when someone says I'm not a control freak when she just said a few sentences ago that tells me you're control freak and it's interesting we tend to it's like women tend to date guys who were similar to their fathers and obviously you're a control freak you're probably a lot like her father and so it's the same vibe as the same energy and that's why she lies to you and the reason you try to control her is really out of your own fear and insecurity of what you have to offer her and when you do that with a woman like this it's just one lie after another it's gonna pile up and it's an unattractive quality when you act like you don't deserve to be with her to the point where you feel like you got to control her and give her permission of who she can and can't hang out with that's ridiculous he says a few days later I visit her city and we spent time with my parents but she has to cut it short because she has to be home early some family issues yeah she was really crazy and head over heels in love with you wanted to marry you she'd make the time to see you you got a look at that he says next day I found out that she went to some Fashion Show party slash mixer everything is definitely not what it seems in this relationship he says that was a real punch in the nuts for me I texted her that she's a disgusting liar and I will not let her do this and we haven't talked for the last two weeks well the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk where you mean it you will never feel safe and comfortable in a relationship with a woman who's like this you'll never be able to trust her if you don't trust her you can't really love her it's just I tried with a woman like that and it's like you can't fix that [ __ ] he says she always waits for me to call and initiate the making out part but this time I don't want to because she completely my trust and I wouldn't if I were you because at the end of the day doesn't sound like she has any intention of changing her ways and this tells me that you you pretty much sounds like you're doing most of the pursuing in this relationship and plus you're trying to control her which is out of insecurity and that tells me she's got a low level of attraction free it sounds like she's lining up a replacement if she hasn't already found one for you he says I think I made a huge mistake proposing to her so early I've always been faithful but now I started meet a girl for coffee while we were on this break well hey you're not really together anymore at this point and you did tell her that if you lie to me I'm out of here so the way I look at it is if you're a man who's congruent with those words and keep hanging out with this girl that you're having called he wouldn't see where it goes maybe she's an honest person because if you weren't an honest person you wouldn't try to control them so much they would tell you what's going on their lives and they wouldn't want to do anything to make you doubt their sincerity or their honesty he says please please give me advice on how to proceed well I walk and never look back I mean this chick is deceive you I could I mean this is a pretty short email but that's a lot of deceiving in a short period of time that's just the way she is so keep dating the new girl keep your options open and move on with your life that's what I would do if I were you because you're never gonna be happy with someone like this so let's get a second guy's email he says hey coach my girlfriend I have been broken up for nearly two months now we were in a six-year relationship together she's 27 I'm 30 she started dating someone else else immediately after we broke up and although she doesn't want me to know who he is I already know through a friend that it was someone who I met a few months ago ah so she introduced you to him he's just a friend so this obviously was in the works before she ditched you because a lot of women do that they line up the replacement before they get rid of you it makes a lot easier to deal with a breakup when you got a back-up plan or you got a replacement he said she broke up with me and wanted to just be friends because she needed to figure herself out it's so funny it's like you wonder if there's like some secret book out there somewhere that all women are read with the same [ __ ] excuses to give guys I need to figure myself out I gotta find my self I'm not sure where I'm able to be at this point in my life right now it's like I've even watched my videos for a while it's like you see the same kinds of excuses and women all over the world isn't amazing how they say the same [ __ ] thing when they're trying not to hurt your feelings but the NA they're still ripping your heart out says trying to figure herself out and see if there are other options out there for her than what she already knew haha translation I already got some options lined up dude so all I need to do is let's get this breakup over with so I can take care of those options that are waiting in the wings that's amazing it's like it's like so she's not really lying to you it's like she's telling you exactly what going I want to see what other options are out there that means hard I got plenty of options lined up dude I mean I'm excited about him too he says that was her excuse but the fact is we broke up because I got complacent and the relationship became stagnant well typically what when I talk to guys I do phone sessions so a lot of times that they never really look at it's because the relationship ended not on your terms but it was on her terms is that at some point you stop putting your best foot forward and why is that hmm that's something definitely to think about because if you stop putting your best foot forward at some point you got bored you weren't really that excited you were no longer into her and probably deep down you knew what [ __ ] in but like most people a lot of people stay in relationships a lot longer than they should and obviously that's probably what was going on here and she knew it was on the verge of ending because anybody's been enough relationships you know two or three relationships you start to see it's like the same same pattern the same kinds of things start to happen and she just happened to line up a replacement you obviously had no replacements lined up he says she got tired of waiting for change so now I want her back I did the things that I wasn't supposed to do such as begging pleading and even talking to her mom it's like come on man it's been over a month since I had any contact with her because I realized if I kept begging it will only push your way further well that's definitely true cuz obviously realized that hasn't worked he says especially when she wanted time and space yes it's not that she wanted time and space she's just one of the data other people and they want to see you again but it's like they throw that time and space out there they give you like the false hope that oh maybe I'll come back to you if I don't find anybody better so the best thing you can do at this point is nothing walk and never look back she knows you love her and you wanted her back at all those things start dating some other women and get yourself some other options because sitting around waiting on her is it's not gonna be healthy and it's gonna be a lot harder to get over her if you're still waiting for that phone to ring and see her phone number in there but if she does reach out to you assume it's cuz she wants to see you hey babe I'd love to see you when you've reading it together I'm treated like a first date but the end of the day there's a good chance he's probably not gonna come back and and they if when guys like this get the girl back ninety nine percent times they don't stay with her within three to six months they break up for good because they realize they get the girl back they thought I always loved my life and they go right back to that same pattern you realize that everything that turned you off that caused you to stop putting your best foot forward that caused you to become complacent those things are still there they don't go away it's not like she's gonna change overnight but for some guys that there it gives them closure the second time or the second breakup then they realized okay now I realize why I got turned off in the beginning so it's kind of third guy seamless guy says hey Cory thanks for the great book I read it and I played the game by the rules I met a beautiful woman online and we exchanged emails for two weeks and we had our first date almost eight weeks ago our first date was great I took her to a restaurant we had wonderful conversations and I made her fully comfortable so far so good he says I could tell she was into me and by the end of the date I went for the kiss and we both liked it it's always nice when she sucks the tongue out of your throat he says I didn't message her for about three days and sent a text asking her how she was doing like that just sucks unnecessary BS hey babe I hope you're doing great I'd love to see you again when are you free to get together next that's what I would text he said she said she had a wonderful time and I said it our next date well so far so good I exceeded her expectations by being fun and joyful guy that tells me you're kind of in I got to prove myself to her type of mentality Nature has already taken care of the attraction that's why she kissed you back because she physically liked you you didn't have to do anything other than be you and that's why she liked you but in your mind your mind is telling you I'm not good enough for this girl and so therefore I gotta have this really creative date I got a talk I've gotta tell her really funny stories I'm gonna jump through my butt in order to get her to impress her cuz you seen too many movies that show that [ __ ] but you ignore the fact that she just liked you why because you did it for it's just the way it is it's just a numbers game some woman gonna really like you and some are not and what you're really looking for is chemistry chemistry between the two of you chemistry where you don't run out of things to talk about where if you start to run out of things to talk talk about she's carries a conversation for a while and that makes you enthusiastic because you can see her enthusiasm to be with you that's how you can have an effortless relationship you can only have an adverse relationship when you have chemistry like that with someone so if it's not there don't try to force it he says she was giving me all these signals while walking by and bumping into me she'd hold my arm while walking and we made out a lot from that on she liked you and you obviously were doing enough right that her attraction for you was growing he says we really enjoy each other's company and she invited me to her place on a third date we had lots of fun together but did you have sex she invited you over at her place she was ready to roll most women sleep with a guy by the second or third date that's just the statistical numbers he says she met my friends the next week and they liked her and she liked them she's not your girlfriend yet that's a your third date now you're introduced and your friends too much dude because too many things can go wrong with you bringing friends and family in that early it starts to feel like a relationship instead of just hanging out having fun and hooking up when she's had reals in love with you wants to be exclusive with you then you can start hanging out doing double dates and introducing him to your friends but it's always better just to for at least for the first couple of months just the two of you he says we also agreed to date excluse exclusively I made her bring up the conversation I stuck to my rules and showed her a great time and expected nothing in return we met twice a week and I spent most weekends at our place and it was great we stayed in a fancy hotel one weekend and all these Tom this time I was giving her signals that I'm a confident masculine guy who knows what he wants in life good he says I'm also a guy who was looking for a long-term relationship we talked a lot about what we want in life what our plans are for the future we got to know each other a bit more we were so happy or so you thought and when the moment was right I asked her if she wants to be my girlfriend and she happily agreed and said yes well it's like you're bringing this up you're focused on the relationship that is a no-no because you probably get a mate you're doing too much there soon three weeks in you're introducing to your friends and family shortly after that you're asking her to be your girlfriend you're the one that's moving this train along really fast here because I met some of her close friends and we went for lunch now you're going to lunches gay male girlfriend kind of stuff I felt I couldn't impress them as much as I wanted to you're definitely trying to prove yourself that comes from insecurity and fears and doubts about yourself feeling like you got to prove yourself to this girl it's a bad way to go dude he says that she said I didn't talk much and it's important for her that I get along with her friends that's why you want her to be in love with you because if she's just kind any of her interests on a scale one attends like a seven and you don't really jive with her friends and they start talking [ __ ] about you she's actually listen to what the friends had to say but if she on skill won't attend she's at nine for you she's going to be like don't talk about my man like that and she's gonna defend you she gonna put you on a pedestal he says I told her that they were great and we should organize they get together for dinner next time Oh give me another chance to prove myself to them please your highness he says that she agreed we talk and text almost every day talking too much on the phone that's another no no dude remember it's a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear so now you're talking to her a lot because you feel like you gotta prove yourself to her it's too much he never has any time in space away for you so you're probably starting to make this girl feel like she's smothered she said she liked talking and spending time with me I also surprised her with flowers and chocolates once and she was very happy now you're buying her gifts bribes for sex and bribes for a relationship one landmine after another dude you are stepping in it he says I could tell she likes me as much as I like her and she was considered an accommodative then he says tragedy this week one evening we spoke over the phone and I cancer toward 8:00 as I had a hectic work schedule we agreed to meet over the weekend on Wednesday she called me in the evenings and she said with a serious voice we need to talk about something uh-oh not good he said she said it was not working out and she feels we have nothing in common bla bla bla si what was I saying I'm like psychic like that I haven't read this email yet and I could tell about where it was gonna end up isn't that amazing he says I was in total shock well I'm not this is totally predictable and I was pointing all out the whole way it's like a train slow-motion train wreck that you can kind of see coming there's I saw a commercial for a new Infiniti and it has this system that's supposed to be able to like scan like two three cars ahead and see if there's an accident and it'll make you slow down what's kind of like that he says I feel and I said I feel the exact opposite and told her we have a lot in common up now you're using logic and reason to try to get her to change her mind when she emotionally does ain't feeling it and I wonder why she feels that way well you said you read my book it's like you saw what you wanted this cognitive dissonance he says she also said she wanted to talk about this all the time but she never got a chance huh you definitely been rushing things he says maybe because I impressed her in every possible way and I overruled her instincts I think you just you were bullshitting yourself did you saw what you wanted to see and you you were projecting your fantasy onto her and not really paying attention to how she really felt about you he says I sent her a message later asking we need to talk in person and not end it over the phone as we had a great date thing going well you thought it was a great thing obviously she didn't think it was so great that's why she didn't really care about doing it in person he says she didn't agree to me yeah she knew it would be just a bunch of drama cuz you're gonna like use your best sales pitch on her and is an emotional thing for it she just ain't feeling it it's a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear and you rushed her into a relationship because you were trying to lock her down because deep down you didn't feel like you deserved her this woman liked you mother nature taken care that it was all perfect and by you focus on the relationship and locking her down you totally screwed it up he says I just called her twice after our breakup conversation she didn't pick up I sent four or five messages which she responded that she was sorry and we're done yeah she felt nothing for it so I heard it just went Joel was going down and yours was won't he says I found out yesterday she's back on the dating website and I wonder when she reactivated her profile probably a moment she dumped your ass he says I'm gonna stick with the rules by giving your time and space what else can I do walk and never look back start dating other women because and don't do this [ __ ] again don't be in such a rush to lock a girl down to a commitment because this will happen every single time he says allowing her to get back to me somehow I feel she already is dating someone else probably or going to meet someone this weekend I'm deeply deeply hurt surprised and I won her back Corey she was great in every possible way and I miss her so much please help me win her back again you don't have nothing it's like you're in the mines I gotta prove myself to her that didn't work that guy you [ __ ] rejected you're like Cory how can I do more what got me rejected it's like come on man so the only thing you can do at this point is walk and never look back if she ever reaches out to you again hey babe I'd love to love to see you when you're free to get together invite her over to your place hang on that flying hookup in your place that's the only thing you could do and you're gonna think of it as like the first date you're starting completely over everything that you did with her none of that [ __ ] matters and next time around follow what I teach in my book so let's get in the fourth and final email this guy says hey Cory thanks for all your videos and I have a little issue to tell I'm in a long-distance relationship about two years and we really bonded well and everything happened it was magical I really loved this girl and she would visit me and I visited her things were lovely as it seemed I started to notice notice flaky and vague behavior from her she didn't lie directly but was just telling me the boyfriend friendly versions of events so I stride to speak to her but she would get hurt and bring up trust or paranoia she said she loved me and would never hurt me and if I think bad things that pushes us apart see she's trying to help you she's saying don't act like a needy insecure jackass you're turning me off cuz you're acting like you don't deserve to be with me that's what she's saying to you he says I took her word for good over time some small vague behavior carried on and I would mention it and she would say I'm paranoid again but although I didn't have no proof things didn't always seem clear about her actions and what she said she was doing you're presupposing that she's gonna deceive you because you don't think you deserve her and so you're just focused on that you're hovering on that same negative outlook and it's driving her nuts she told you you're pushing me away by your behavior he said I'm stuck in a cycle of her doing something vague which alerts me so I asked questions and she brings up trust rapport paranoia or another thing I noticed that she would manipulate me complaining of her vagueness and do me defending my love for you sound like a woman you're acting like the woman she's acting like the man look at some old movies from 40 50 years ago you act exactly like the women in those movies he's like she would quickly say maybe I don't love her and would then be me saying yeah I do and so on spotlight it off the vagueness type of thing yeah her attraction level is a lot lower in you than yours isn't her he says I don't want to split up with her what you fear you attract that's what you're focusing on and guess what that's what you're in the process of making happen but I don't know if I'm paranoid or not what if I'm wrong and I lose that special girl you gotta be willing to loser you gonna be willing to let her walk away cuz that might actually happen how could I handle paranoia in this situation I'm at the end of the day this girl obviously liked you enough to go out with you but because you're acting in a way that you're not trusting this person I mean think about it she's just trying to hang out have some fun with you and she's given you the opportunity to do the right thing she's telling you what to do but it's like you're just stuck on you're gonna cheat on me you're gonna ditch me you're gonna get rid of me I know you're not gonna love me and eventually you're I mean this is what you're making happy you were literally driving this girl away from you it's like obviously I don't think you realize it but that's what's happening dude I mean act as if think about this how would you act as if you knew you could not fail what would you do what would you say and say say you exactly what I would say you catch her in a big liar you catch him within another dude then you know she's a liar then you know that hey you were wrong about her great now you know that she's not the right girl for you then he move on you keep looking until you find the next girl that's the way you got to look at it but if you're always focused out on every single one that you date you really like is gonna cheat on you or shirk you around and you act this way women don't like it when a guy constantly questions them and doesn't trust somebody like I said she's telling you you're driving her away with your behavior he says I suspect that she loved me but still wanted fun but didn't want anybody else to have me so if I were you it's like you need to cut this behavior out ASAP otherwise you're gonna drive this girl away and she's just simply ain't gonna want anything to do with you so if you'd like to get my home personally the quickest way is to book a paid phone coaching session you can do that by going to my website clicking the products tab at the top of your screen and just follow the instructions and I will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 81,206

Rating: 4.8664193 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: JaL5zksQ-mc

Length: 31min 14sec (1874 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 12 2013