Acting Neurotic Ruins Attraction & Respect

[Music] hi I'm coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the top of this newsletter is going to be acting neurotic ruins attraction and respect well I'd say this is probably one of the biggest things that men and women for that matter suffer from or this is like the root of most people's problem when it comes to members of the opposite sex because if you meet somebody and you have chemistry and they like you because after all attraction is not a choice but you start getting impatient acting neurotic desperate focusing on a relationship locking them down into a commitment getting pissed off that they didn't call you back in a certain period of time or pissed off that they didn't call you when you expected them to call you think you know they're gonna call me today and then they don't and you get mad at that or you get butthurt or they don't meet your expectations and people that are in this state they're in a fearful state and what's really going on is deep down they don't believe they're good enough it's like I know for me personally what happened like when I was growing up as a child cuz obviously now I can look back on it and understand what caused my behavior to be a certain way but when you go up in a family and nobody gives you a hug nobody says I love you nobody says I'm proud of you you miss that stuff you don't you don't get that so as a child you want those things you want that affection you want that love from your parents and then when it doesn't come eventually at some point you start to turn inward and as you turn in where you start going what is this why doesn't why is it mom love me why doesn't dad love me what's wrong with me and so you're constantly in a deficit as far as emotion and affection and love and so you literally and we think about how that emotionally conditions a child is they grow up so it's like constantly wanting love but constantly being used to not getting it and like for me when I was younger I'd meet somebody but because I was emotionally conditioned to never get the love that I expected I was in a fearful state and when you literally spend a couple of decades growing up in an environment where that doesn't happen you expect it that's the way it is so they're really the only way you go about meeting your needs is trying to force things or misbehaving or acting up or you know like KITT because when kids misbehave really what they're the reason they're misbehaving because if the parents aren't paying attention or they're not involved in their lives so that's why kids misbehave is if they want to get the attention of the parents in some way shape or form to get whatever it is that they're missing or that they feel that they're missing and so you can see like for me in my early 20s I start going out on dates with women I really liked in the back of my mind there's always that fear and I was literally conditioned to expect the things just work on a workout mitt with for me and a romantic sense and because I expected things to be that way I presuppose that it wasn't gonna work out in my mind literally it would it was impossible to contemplate or to imagine what it was like to have somebody really love me and care about me and want to be in my life in a romantic sense I didn't have a problem making friends I actually had lots of friends but when it came to being like you know because in friendships you hang out you have a good time together and you meet each other's needs because like you wanna you're growing up you just want you want people to hang out with and have a good time with and I knew lots of people I didn't need them to love me but it was nice to have friends that actually wanted to hang out and go and have a good time together but when it came to an intimate type of relationship where somebody would love me and I would love them that was something I desperately wanted but it was something I was literally emotionally conditioned for many many years to believe that it just simply wasn't in the cards so since I'm always in that place it caused me to try to force things call too much be a patient as far as when they actually call me back or when they called me at all and these you literally hover around that person because it's like almost at any moment you're expecting them to lose whatever they felt for you so it's like you're literally looking for it and whatever you focus on in life is going to expand what you've focused your brain on is going to expand so if you're the type of person that came from a similar background to me or you just have those beliefs for whatever reason if you're in that place you got to get in the habit of saying and learning to maintain your self-control and in other words when you feel like being neurotic when you feel like blowing that person their phone up when they haven't called you back in five minutes that you expected them to you can take a deep breath in got to take a step back and just say to yourself wouldn't it be nice if that person called me wouldn't it be nice if I didn't do nothing because it's like a game of tennis you got to think about it this way if you called somebody or you've left a message you sent a text you send an email and they haven't responded yet you know think about a common sense would say well maybe they're busy maybe they're in a meeting maybe an emergency happened me their car broke down maybe the battery is dead in their cell phone maybe their computer got a virus and broke maybe they had a family emergency maybe they're just [ __ ] busy or maybe they were a low priority and the attitude should be I don't want to be a low priority in somebody's life I want to be a high priority and therefore it's like game tennis if I call them and they haven't called me back and they're not getting back to me right away well you should presuppose that there must be a good reason for that and then you've got to give you the other person the space and the time to choose you especially if you're a guy trying to create traction and a woman you gotta give her the time and space away from you to wonder about you to think about you to feel whatever the feelings are that she feels for you but if you're blowing her phone up and you're always in her face and you're trying to force yourself to be in her life and to force her twist her arm to spend time with you or you give her a guilt trip that she's not spending enough time with you you're communicating like a child that's basically saying hey I need love and you're not giving me a love what's wrong with me why don't you love me and eventually the other person they just get tired of this [ __ ] [ __ ] behavior to turn off because it's like at every turn no matter what happens you're basically consequent I'm not worthy I don't deserve you and you're putting them on a pedestal you're treating them like a celebrity in essence like ah I know there's no way that you'd want to possibly spend any time but geez your highness but could I please have five minutes of your time and eventually people just think it's sick of it you want an equal which is whether it's a friendship or a business from any kind of relationship you want somebody to kind of be on your level you don't want to be with somebody that's constantly questioning that you whether you love them or I remember a girl years ago I met Klaus [ __ ] beautiful gorgeous great body air eyes face everything it's choosing the most incredibly insecure woman I am even in this day is probably 15 16 years ago I met this girl almost insecure women I ever met and she's beautiful but she was like I met her we talked for I think maybe an hour and I ended up going out with her I think one or two times after that and I just remember it's like the whole hour I was talking to it was like so you're gonna call me right and then like five minutes late so you got my number right you still got that piece of paper on you right and she's just constant her girlfriends like relax calm down there poni recycling you're gonna screw it up you know they're trying to help her and she just couldn't help herself we went out on a first date we started making out we're having a good time to go and it's just constant fear of the future constant fear the head I'm not gonna want to hang out with her again or then it's like I think we well I met at the met her at the beach I was going with a bunch of friends and she met me down because I at that point I was already getting turned off and I was so she meet she met met me down there with a bunch of friends and so we hung out we had some drinks we made out at the beach it's like she's blowing my phone up all the rest of the afternoon we made plans to meet a certain place in like an hour later hey we're still on right how is just unbelievable and I you know after a couple days it's like I just had enough she totally turned me off and I didn't want to hang out with her anymore after that but you know with at the time that I was going through this it was like when I was really starting to learn stuff and I was now is actually really getting to see like the shoe was on the other foot in other words now I was really getting to see how I was once making the women feel that I went out with on a second Pam but you really have to get a get control or a handle on this because if you become impatient you become neurotic it's like if you called somebody if you left a messenger you sent a text you sent an email you absolutely must wait for them to get back to you this is the probably every guy and girl that I talk to that's having problems would turn on the other person off it's a result of this behavior and the cause of this behavior at a deep level is a belief that you don't deserve to have what you want and you expect that even if somebody wants you right now that it's not gonna be that way in the future you literally will cause it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy you literally will chase that person right out of your life so I got an email from a this guy I actually did a phone session with and this is I think his second time he sent me a pay email coaching and this guy's older very successful dude but you can see it's like the problem he's had with this woman is he's just chased her to the point where she's friendzone them numerous times because of his neurotic behavior and then he backs off he does what I tell him and as soon as she starts to make a little bit of an effort he goes right back to his to his old controlling ways and he just blows things up just completely ruins things unnecessarily it's like like a kid doesn't get what he wants then he throws a temper tantrums like I'm taking my toys I'm going home I'm gonna play with you anymore that's basically the way this guy acts so before we get into what I got a quote that I wrote and I want to share with you and it says one of the quickest ways to ruin someone's attraction towards you is to start acting desperate neurotic impatient needy controlling or emotional this behavior is the result of a belief system and model of the world that causes a person to believe think and act in a way that communicates that they do not feel worthy adequate or lovable they presuppose that they have already lost and have no chance to get what they want or have what they want want them back this shows up is controlling fearful and obnoxious behavior that will repulse anyone they feel like they have no they have to things in life since they believe in presuppose that no one would ever want to be with them or freely give them what they want it can become a hopeless loop of desire and disappointment and therefore a self-fulfilling prophecy it's like you have desire you want somebody then you [ __ ] it up and then you experience the disappointment and I like for me I had the desire I wanted love I was seeking of and a relationship form and then I would act neurotic and I would blow it up and then the girl wouldn't want anything to do with me and then therefore I experienced a disappointment you see the pattern just like when I was a kid I wanted my mom to say I love you I'm proud of you you're great you're my son I adore you and then what happened have you disappointed it's a it's a self-fulfilling prophecy then I could become an adult I have desire with a woman and make a date I go out on date what I think is a great date but I fear that it's not gonna last or that it's not gonna work out work out in the long run and so therefore I do things I take action too much action obviously and I get I repel you I repel the woman to the point where she doesn't want to talk to me we're willing to take my calls to return my calls and now experience disappointment it's like it's a total pattern I'm literally you you literally become conditioned to think act and feel this way and so the reason I'm talking about this is because you have if you're suffering from this if you have these tendencies you've got to learn to recognize the pattern you have desire then you take some action and then it results in disappointment and like for me when you're disappointed I was just you know I felt the same way I did when I didn't get the love for my mother that I wanted and so if you have a tendency to do these things you gotta learn to recognize when you feel these neurotic insecure feelings and then take a step back and if you've made you've reached out and you've made some contact and that other person hasn't gotten back to you yet you have to let it go to the point of you're literally willing to never talk to that person again if they don't get in touch with you you have to give them the space to choose you mutually and if you don't give them the space if you try to force him to make a decision you'll always force him to not want to be in your life for me like they'll totally be repulsed by you so let's go ahead and read this guy's email he says hey Cory this know this particular guy had a woman that was on a trip she was out of the country so he was gonna see her for a while and his birthday was coming up now keep in mind he's thinking hey she should want to spend time with me cuz it's my birthday but he's presupposing in other words he's acting as if he should be in a relationship with this person therefore he has unreasonable expectations of what this woman is gonna do and therefore when she doesn't match his behavior his expectations he gets pissed off he gets upset he throws a temper tantrum in essence even though this is a middle-aged mature man he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old and obviously the results are predictable so he says hey coach as a follow-up remember this girl I was seeing went on a trip and for 10 days and following your advice I did not contact her at all that's a plus at least you did that right he says I went out dancing with some friends of hers and found through her best friend that they text each other several times over the time that she was away now I would look at this you're hanging out with her friends so what does that tell me well I tells me that since you're hanging out with her friends more than likely you're trying to do some a little recon on this woman that you want you're trying to find out what's going on with her and what she's doing and therefore you're obviously talking about her so think about you're hanging out with her friends and you're trying to figure out what she's doing where she's at and who she's doing it with this is going to get back to her you're hanging out with her friends hello get a life dude meet some new people get out there and do some things that you love and that you enjoy and make you own friends or go hang out with your own friends instead of hanging out with her let's see a lot of guys doing this they hang out with friends or acquaintances just trying to force themselves in another person's life she came back and then two days later after her arrival she texted me saying hey how are you doing I'm back and I'm going to the office she told me before leaving that she would try and take a day off so the words she's already looking for reasons to get pissed off at her because he's presuppose that she's not gonna want to see him you see you see his thinking here he just like you just see the train wreck coming he says I replied back almost immediately saying that I've been very busy did you miss me we should get together and have some fun again when you have some time so he says her reply is I had a tough few days on my trip and I went to the office to deal with something critical though I don't feel very well and came back with arranging dinner with her best friend who she exchanged a text with a lot while she was away who happened to have her birthday this woman's birthday is the same week as his he says my reply he says I ignore her text how about coming to my place to discuss say Wednesday now you're trying to twist her arm and force her instead of just saying hey I would love to see you when he free to get together that presupposes that she wants to see you if the other day if she really wants to see you she will make time for you that is the reality but since you doubt that she wants to see you what are you gonna do you're gonna try to be controlling and you're gonna try to force things so he says I'll prepare you a nice dinner your highness and take care of you smile face and have fun you probably need it you notice how everything it's not an invitation it's just I'm gonna force this whole evening and I'm gonna make you do what I want you to do just reeks of it her response I need sleep in fact a lot of it my response was I am sure I really fear for you feel for you because I have done this in the past no pressure nice to see your friendly face back see how you feel and let me take the birthday arrangements off your hands I'll talk to your best friend so already you're presupposing that she wants to spend her birthday with you and now you're trying to force yourself into her birthday plans instead of just saying hey when you're free to get together letting her tell you and then making plans and if she says I don't know I got all this going on and then you just say all right great well when you figure it out get in touch with me and we'll plan something then and then presuppose that you're gonna spend your birthday doing something else other than hanging with her but you're trying to force yourself to be more important in her life than you actually are which is gonna really you're making her feel like she's gonna lose her freedom by interacting with you and you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free and you're not doing that so he says the following morning Tuesday is going to rain and I'll try to visit you after work if traffic is not too bad but no guarantee now you're trying to force yourself to come by and visit her where is the asking hey I'd love to see you when you free to get together he says so I can't make it up at the end of the week together with my best friend sounds okay he says my respond so saying to him so she says tomorrow's gonna rain I'll try and visit you after work if traffic is not too bad but no guarantee you're supposed to make definite plans you're not actually making definite plans in this case you just kind of leaving things up in the air and the reason she's saying this is cuz more than likely she's feeling your controlling ways and you obviously haven't changed the past couple weeks that she's been out of the country you want to right back to what turned her off before she left and she told you as much he says my response to her was tomorrow's appreciated as you said before Friday going out of town actions speak louder than words I'll see you and OH dinner will be fun tomorrow so she sent basically saying I'll try and stop by and you're going we'll all see you tomorrow for dinner not from heart night it's like you're hearing what she's saying what you're not listening Wednesday morning I got a text from her happy birthday my reply was thank you Center I'll see you later and take care by the way I talked to your friend I explained to her that I won't be able to make it in other words I don't want to be associated with girlfriends so in other words he's not hanging out with her and her girlfriends for a birthday which is because he should be making dates with just the two of them because one of the things that she was doing before she left was she was bringing [ __ ] blockers and clam Slammers if you will on their dates in other words he tried to make a date and she's doing something with her him and one of her girlfriends why because he's been so controlling and neurotic and she's friend-zoned him several times and he's gone along with it you can tell he's just he's in a bad position with this woman because of his behavior so he says I get an email from her late in the afternoon it's raining heavily and I'm still stuck in the office no taxi and so traffic's very bad sorry I wanted to come but I am tired and my reply is he says it's my birthday I understand the problem but this is my special day and I have not seen you for 10 days you can just see the little five-year-old being upset you really don't care about me your words are empty this is this about this you you're not with it and you [ __ ] know it enjoy your time with the girls this weekend come on man why did I say this to her before she left the USA we had a great evening since a long time and I purposely did not contact her and she did not contact me for 10 days but she communicate with the best friend several times what does that tell you she's more interested in talking to her best friend than she is to you therefore she avoided you why because she knew was gonna be a bunch of drama she knew was gonna be exactly like this what's the incentive to reach out to you when you're gonna be a jackass like this he says on my birthday she said she would she might be coming if-if-if to me this was almost teasing me it's something she was teasing with you it's like she just really didn't want to hang out with you because you're trying to control it instead of asking her when she's free to get together and letting her tell you you tried to force a date and not only that you tried to force yourself to spend time with her on her birthday so when she found out that she could not come instead of picking up the phone to explain she sent me a text to me this is unacceptable behavior and she's done this to me on numerous occasions where she makes me all excited by the prospect of seeing her and she finds an excuse at the last minute well what does that mean by her actions she doesn't want to see you dude and what woman in her right mind would want to see you when you're always acting neurotic in like a little child finally as I was getting home hand up again in other words finally Corey as always feeling myself about to become even more neurotic and lose self-control finally as I was getting all wound up again I found out on the web a personality disorder called narcissistic personality disorder so in other words now he's searching the web looking for reasons to justify his neurotic behavior I read about it and I found a lot of resemblance with her behavior towards me so yes I have not been manly enough since we first met but I also think that she has that problem possibly but you never give her the space to come to you because you're always trying to force her to be with you this morning I was so fed up by all this that I sent her another text saying check this out narcissistic personality disorder you need help drop your keys off of my apartment at the reception desk this weekend I have three dates with new girls I have no intention to contact her and if she does I am not too sure I want to put up with her hot and cold attitude towards me all the time well you've already told her to drop your keys by and giving her one of these so it really doesn't matter at this point can you comment looking at both her and me the in the communication if it's worth pursuing such a bizarre person I never met a person like this before I will not contact her at all thanks Cory well more than likely she'll probably be glad she'll be probably glad and happy to drop the keys off by the reception desk but I pretty much pointed out what you've been doing and your behavior is inappropriate the way you're acting it's inappropriate you're acting like a five-year-old you're not acting like a man would act dude I'm sorry that's the truth here so and as I discussed in my phone session with you she reaches out assumes she wants to see you make a date a definite date not out well I'm gonna try and stop by later on to see you if she just said that I would have said you know what if you're not sure let's just make plans some other time when you definitely know you're free to get together would you like to make plans for and that's it but instead of trying to twist her arm and force her to come see you and you can already tell when someone's saying you could tell she doesn't want to come see you she's not that excited and by your behavior it's like who would what woman would want to spend time with you when you act this way it's like hello might fly so I mean at this point you've pretty much blown it up you've told her to drop the key off and you never want to see her again so I wouldn't expect to hear from her but if you do I'm gonna tell you the same thing then I say over and over and over and over again and if she does say hey great to hear from you I'd love to see you when are you free to get together and then make a date have her come over hang out have fun and hook up at your place I mean before she left she came over to his place and hung out and had fun and guess what the mood was right for sex and what did he do nothing he acted like the gay male girlfriend he acted like an emotional tampon he didn't make a move on her even though she she was ready for it she was totally right for it was an email that obviously you know I didn't share but in that last email I'm thinking you you gotta do exact what you want she came over your place to hang on I'm fine honk up and you get there and then you act like a gay dude you didn't make it didn't touch her at all I was like it's like you're your own worst enemy it's like you get her there and then you don't do the right thing and then you trying to make plans and you do everything just to chase her right out of your life and just blow it up so there's really not a lot you can do at this point at least you got new women in your life so I have to say go on in some dates with some of the new ladies that you met and this you're gonna fail every time you act like this 100% of time it's not gonna work out when you act this way you have to learn to gain some control and be patient if you want to see a girl today or tomorrow the next day and she's just not available what are you for you two get together next week sure that sounds great Wednesday awesome be excited to make a date a week in the future only make definite dates and like I said you just made a number of colossal blunders here and at this point you know it's like you can't can't beat a dead horse anymore it's you know put a fork in this one you it's pretty much toast so if you'd like to get my own personally the quickest way is to book a paid phone Skype or email coaching and you can choose any of those options by going to my website clicking the products tab which will be at the top of your screen on any page of my website and just follow the instructions for booking whatever option works best for you and I will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 193,584

Rating: 4.8773947 out of 5

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Id: VWqFEsXPHMA

Length: 28min 1sec (1681 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 17 2014