Toxic Women Who Have Backup Boyfriends

hi i'm coach qui wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of today's newsletter is going to be toxic women who have backup boyfriends well i've got two emails i'm going to go through with you today and these particular emails there might be a couple come on mans in the uh as i go through them so both these guys are kind of involved with toxic women and they're trying to have a normal relationship with them and it's obviously not going well something that's really important to understand about not just your intimate relationships but your friendships the clients that you have relationships with is that you gotta have people that have that are healthy that add value to your life that bring positivity into your life because when you surround yourself by people that are toxic or they have a lot of dysfunctional stuff going on in their life they have a lot of drama and you spend time with them it's their drama basically becomes your drama you know whether you got a like when i was younger i had something especially like after i got out of high school i had some of my friends i liked hanging out with but they like to get in fights all the time and the reality is if you're somebody that knows violence which i knew a lot of it growing up unfortunately is that people that are very familiar with violence they want to avoid it at all costs that's why some of the most dangerous people in the world are also the kindest people because they know what violence is like and so like these particular friends we go out and i'm gonna i wanna hang out and have fun meet girls have a good time and then they're getting in fights you know five minutes after arriving and then obviously we have to leave or whatever that's just you know i just stopped hanging out with them when i was really young just because it became a drag to be around them and same thing when it comes to women like these these two guys here are dating women that's pretty obvious they're toxic and a lot of the things that i see in phone sessions with guys that are really struggling with women is they made a bad choice they got involved with somebody that they should not have gotten involved with but because their emotions are involved they keep hoping things are going to change they read my book thinking that you know my book is going to fix the toxic woman what it's my book will do is it'll bring out that toxicity pretty quickly especially if the idea is because if you just start dating somebody and then two to three weeks in their toxic behavior starts showing before you get too emotionally invested then you can pull the rip cord and get the hell out of there and move on to find somebody else because you don't want to get six months or a year down the road and then find out that you're dating a lunatic which happens and then when when a guy's in that position he's emotionally invested it's like he doesn't really want to hear that his girl is toxic but you know like what i do my phone sessions is just pointing out these behaviors because these guys are really upset about the situation and when i point out these behaviors it just feels like a giant weight gets lifted off their shoulders because then they're able to see the person for what she really is and you can't make good wine from bad grapes and so if you've got bad people in your life if you've got bad toxic clients if you've got bad toxic friends if you've got toxic family members you're spending your time with if you've got toxic women that you're spending time with you become toxic your life becomes toxic and it brings stress into your life and when you have people that bring stress in your life that makes it very difficult to be in a peaceful and relaxed state because being in a peaceful and relaxed state is where you're going to do your best work where you're going to be the most balanced and you're going to be the most productive so with that said i got a quote that i wrote and then we'll jump right into the first guy's email and what's also fun about going through these emails is other guys see them and they're having a bad day and they listen to how somebody else is screwing up or what somebody else is putting up with and they go wow i don't feel so bad about my situation it's like that guy is way more screwed up than me it's like it's actually a good day so no matter how bad you got it or think you have it in life there's always somebody that's got it worse so the quote says toxic insecure and weak women usually never just have one guy they give their attention and love to due to their upbringing and lack of a strong stable masculine father figure to raise them properly they tend to create frankenstein boyfriends that consist of several different men who feel fill different roles they have guys who do favors for them guys who take them on dates but are stuck in platonic friend zone and the guys who they sleep with these women get their needs fulfilled by several different men and are often very toxic and not healthy to have exclusive monogamous relationships with because they simply don't have the skills experience or integrity to be loyal and faithful to any one man the best candidates for monogamous relationships are women who come from healthy families who love their mom and dad and who have a good balanced relationship themselves these women are extremely rare but definitely worth the wait what's interesting is that oftentimes when i do relation where i do phone sessions with guys that are in these kinds of toxic relationships with toxic women as they'll say well she's got a good relationship with her father and i say okay well tell me more about tell me about the dynamic between the father and the mother in their relationship and then you find out the relationship with the between the mom and the dad is totally toxic the guy's a total beta male who gets walked all over by his wife and yet the daughter who he spoiled and also let's walk all over me he's like oh they have a healthy relationship it's like that's not healthy it's not a health i'm talking about an alpha male who when his daughter gets out of line he puts her in his place same thing with his wife when she gets out of line he will stand up to her and put her in her place in a loving way and not allow his boundaries to be violated that's what healthy men do and there's plenty of guys that have toxic that are toxic fathers and have toxic relationships with their daughters but just because they get along well with their daughter doesn't mean their relationship is a healthy one and so what i see a lot of guys do is they bend that reality that they see and just go oh she's got a good relationship with her dad but he completely ignores the fact that the dad is a little beta male [ __ ] and just gets walked all over his wife doesn't respect him his daughter doesn't respect him and the other kids don't respect them that's not a healthy father figure that guy is not going to be able to raise a good woman who has integrity who loves her mom loves her dad who communicates in a healthy way like i had one just recently with a guy who was in a similar situation and on top of that this particular girl flies off the handle and cusses out her father cusses him out and he's like oh he was initially in the beginning of the phone calls trying to convince me that she's got a good relationship with her dad and so therefore this doesn't apply to her but as i get into it and i ask questions about the family and the dynamic it's like and then you point those things out and then admit it you know begrudgingly the guy admits it and kind of sees that because deep down it's like we don't want to admit that we made a bad choice it's like nobody does especially if you know you've been with somebody for a couple years and you're having problems the last thing you want to believe is that you made a bad choice and there's it's just some people you just can't have a good relationship but it's not fixable not every situation is solvable again you can't make good wine from bad grapes and so that's we'll we'll see here what these two guys are putting up with so the first guy says hey corey so here's my take i've been dating this girl for four years now on and off maybe split four times she also runs back to her so-called friend and i know they've been dating as well i took the advice and walked away for about five months she calls me one day says we should hang out and go on a walk and she tells me that her and that guy have been fighting typical stuff so what happens she's not happy with the guy she goes running back to him and he might just be one of two other three dudes that she's reaching out to this is the frankenstein type boyfriend she's got the guy that she's sleeping with in this case she's got the guy that she was sleeping with and now she's pulling him back in and pushing the other guy away and she just bounces back and forth between these guys because she never learned what healthy was the dad's obviously absentee not there not masculine whatever it happens to be a woman behaves this way did not grow up in a healthy family that's the bottom line obviously i know what she wants to do hook up and yeah we hung out twice then i had my own feelings come back and she feeds me a bunch of [ __ ] i want to hear i don't trust her though and you should not and after that day she ghosted me big shock because you know from what's the downside risk from her she's got probably two or three other dudes not really a big deal and if you've gone back to her and gone back pursuing after you supposedly walked away she doesn't feel you're gonna walk away forever she figures after a you know a few months or a few weeks you'll be back and that enables her behavior he says fyi she left me for that guy when we broke up he says it's been three days of no context so i messaged her saying she's better off staying with the other guy it's like you know this is a dude that's cherry-picking information and he's trying to use no contact as a technique it's like he's not understanding it's you go no contact because you've walked away from the negotiating table because a deal is not possible you don't tell somebody i'm not interested in your deal and then call them back three days later that's not how this works this is a guy that has no emotional self-control he says i told her my goodbye not a nice way but i made it clear text text he says text her the guy saying to fix it with oh i guess he texted the guy saying you should fix it and keep her away from me he says i changed my number it obviously hurts me but i know she's being a fake [ __ ] anyway how do i get over the low pit feeling in my stomach get back on the horse and start recognize the fact that you can't have a healthy relationship with somebody like this dude it's never going to work all these years off and on it's the same thing she's always going to have other dudes when she's happy you don't hear things are good between you just like with the other guy when she's happy with the other guy you don't hear from her as soon as things get go sideways she's reaching out to you notice he says next i feel like i lost my soul mate again because of me being stupid so now he's blaming himself because he made a bad choice but he's ignoring the fact that she's just toxic a girl who comes from a healthy family it's like when a relationship's not working and she knows it's not gonna work she's just gonna leave she's not gonna bounce back and forth between him and two or three other dudes she's gonna take time to heal she'll get together with her family her girlfriends she'll reestablish her life and then when she feels ready she'll start saying yes to the dating invitations which are always coming in because women are never really out of the game they're always getting hit on unlike guys where when we're in a relationship we stop making an effort hit on women that's why it takes guys a little longer to get back into the single life when they've been involved with one particular woman just because they get out of practice with women they're always getting hit on and they're always saying no when they're taken but as soon as they're no longer taken all you have to do is start saying yes to the date invitations that they get so notice what he says next do you think i should message her my new number come on man dude you changed your number and now you're going hey coach do you think i should send it to her why so you can invite more of this and enable her behavior some point some guy's gotta have the balls to stand up to her and say i'm out of here i'm not gonna put up with this have a nice life and edu he says i'm really not wanting to because if she wanted to get a hold of me she would come knocking on my door right maybe but the other day why would you want this back as gerald celente says of the trends research institute current events form future trends so you got four years of history what's going to change nothing again all i'm trying to do is not be depressed anymore you got to meet somebody new read my book 10 to 15 times and get out there and start practicing it because you got no other choices no other options and so you're sitting around rejection breeds obsession your girl ran off with some other dude she started to come back but she didn't come back all the way rejection breeds obsession because now she's disappeared and now you want to go after her instead of taking a step back and saying what do i really want in my life what kind of woman do i want what kind of relationship do i want make a list of all the qualities that you want in a woman because if you do what a list of all the qualities you want and that you don't want to you know it's an exercise that's in my book three percent man and follow that you'll be able to look at the list and then look at her and go this girl's not a match she doesn't even she's not even on the paper anywhere she doesn't come close to being what i'm looking for and then you got to meet new women you got to get out there and you got to practice these things if you just sit around and you wait for this toxic chick to come back and you don't practice you don't get any better when she does reach out or if she reaches out you're still the same guy you haven't improved and as a man your goal on a daily basis should be to try to get a little better today than you were yesterday and when you sit around and you mope and you soak about toxic women like this and you don't read the book and you don't interact with new women you don't apply any skills you're not going to get better you're not trying to get better you got to participate in your own rescue dude and you're not doing that this girl has a huge influence on me unlike any other girl i encountered well that's because you keep giving that to her you keep giving your power away i just want to be happy well you're not gonna be happy with her dude you have four years obviously i just need to keep her away from me right that would probably be ideal because you got four years of history knowing that it ain't working out i thought i could do the friends of benefits thing like we used to but i always end up being the one tripping did i do the right thing if she's toxic and you wanted to get her out of your life and changing your phone number i think it was a great idea especially if you don't trust yourself and you don't have any self-control which is that's a good thing to exercise right now try to exercise self-control and never call or texture again for any reason and why should i still be hurt over this because rejection breeds obsession this wasn't your choice she pushed you away and you've done nothing to help yourself that's why you're not feeling any better i feel at a new low so i'm reaching out to you to help me get back up well you gotta help yourself dude i can't do it for you everybody has ups and downs in their life life's a [ __ ] life's a [ __ ] at times life's not all sunshine and roses nobody's coming to save you nobody's coming to help you nobody's coming to rescue you you have to do that yourself he says i've been running and hanging with girls to keep my mind busy but it's not the same i feel like i did the wrong thing you're just impatient your skills aren't getting better success is making progress and if you're not reading the book and you're not applying it and you don't see yourself getting better you're not making any progress and if you don't feel like you're making any progress you're not going to feel like a very successful man that's why you feel the way you feel your goal should be to get really good with this stuff get good to the point where interacting and talking with women is like breathing like ordering a happy meal at mcdonald's it's not a big deal because when the right girl comes along it's always out of left field it's you you're never expecting it in the moment it just happens and if you've done the work ahead of time if you practiced ahead of time it'll be easy and effortless to talk to her get a number make a date and a spot and start hanging out having fun and hooking up and following the progression that's in three percent man and if you haven't read three percent man yet you can read it for free at understand relationships.com all you do is subscribe to the email newsletter and i'll also you should be reading mastering yourself to help you get focused on your person your purpose and your mission and life that's also available for free once you subscribe to the newsletter if you get busy taking care of yourself and improving yourself and making yourself better you will feel better you will look better and women more women will notice you because if you're just sulking and being butthurt all the time you're going to be invisible to other women you got to participate in your your own rescue dude get off your ass and do something to help yourself right now so let's go to the second email he says hey coach i've been following your work for a long time and i just want to say thank you for all your wisdom a few months back my girlfriend of three years basically told me that she felt i don't care or didn't care about her and that she wanted to break up with me she told me that i hardly ever called her and i hardly ever spent time with her i was completely surprised because i realized that i had become complacent and so i communicated with her and i decided to immediately change my act well if i was doing a phone system with this guy and i look at that i was like well why did you become complacent why did you no longer make the effort and usually nine ninety-nine percent of times because the guy wasn't really into her and he knew it didn't really want to be with her but to go from being in a relationship to being single to meeting somebody new there's a time frame there's you gotta you gotta traverse that period of time and to go from being in a relationship you're not happy and to being in a relationship with somebody else that you are happy in there's a period of time and most people they don't like that that valley that they have to go through they don't like the process of being single and so therefore they avoid it and they stay in these unhappy unfulfilling relationships hoping things are just going to get better or that they'll be able to use what's in my book to change the woman it's just not how this stuff works dude he says a few weeks of fixing up my mistakes i could see her attraction levels starting to creep up again now a month after her basically trying to break up with me i had to go move to a different city for my job i was only training there for three months it was going to come back she basically called me to tell me that she was go she was into some other guy and that she needed to take a break within a day of going on a date with this other guy she was back telling me she had made a mistake so he got another chick bouncing back and forth between her supposed boyfriend who she's in a relationship with and she's going in essence she's dating you while she's dating him and just going where her emotions take her if she feels better about some other guy she's gonna go spend time with that other guy she feels better with you she'll spend time with you you can't have a relation a healthy monogamous relationship with a woman that's behaving this way it just doesn't work and the reality is you weren't that into her to begin with that's why you weren't making the effort because you didn't deep down you didn't feel she was worthy or worth it you didn't have if you love somebody and you care about them you and they're always taking good care of you you want to make sure they're taken care of as well and you will do the little things and the reality is you weren't feeling it but because now she went off and ran off to one of her backup boyfriends now you're like oh it's my dream girl i gotta fix this it's like say you fix it and say you get her back in love and she blows this other guy off what happens she's still the same person three months four months down the road five months down the road a few weeks down the road you're gonna wake up one day and go just not feeling it and then same thing will happen you go back to not making the effort that's required to keep her happy and keep her mostly into you and the way she behaves when things aren't going well she just starts calling other guys even though she supposedly is in a relationship with you she doesn't value loyalty she doesn't value exclusivity she doesn't ma her word means nothing so she's selfish she's narcissistic and she's going to do what makes her happy and she doesn't care about rubbing another dude in your face because you keep taking her back and putting up with it so he says i took her back and we continued the relationship while i was in training i tried to reach out to her maybe two times a week but as the weeks progressed she was giving me only five minutes of her time and basically hanging up on me oh wow that just sounds fun yeah let me have some more of that come on man as soon as my training finished i tried setting a date with her but she wouldn't give me a date so i did the takeaway so again you're pursuing a woman that's blowing you off and pushing you away and rubbing another guy in your face your attitude should be look we're in a relationship if you want to date somebody else then great you can go date other people and i'm going to date other people and if you want a chance at working things out give me a call but you know she's not treating him well that's the other thing he's ignoring here he's not matching and mirroring her actions back to her she pushes him away then he pursues her more if she's pushing you away you're like bye [ __ ] i'll see you later i'm gonna go find somebody else now you're gonna say that you're just gonna happily go on down the road to find somebody who loves you who values you and who respects you and it's just not gonna say hey let's time out our relationship because i'm gonna go date and sleep with this other guy see how i feel about it if it doesn't work out then i may come back and consider taking you back as my boyfriend i don't think so she immediately changed her mind and gave a date and time she was available we scheduled the date two weeks in advance but during the two-week period she began to pursue me more by calling me three times and spending more time on the phone so her interest was going up because you backed off and you backed away you displayed masculinity obviously it attracted her to you he says over the weekend we had a party at a mutual friend's house and she was going also going to be there i went to the party and in the beginning she was talking to me and giving me signs of attraction but as the party progressed she seemed mad at me and she was spending more time with the other guy who was also at the party oh boy that sounds fun so she's got both of you there at this party i know maybe her mutual friends or whatever that's kind of awkward when the party ended i could tell that she was clearly upset about something what should i do should i just wait for the date or should i call her i would just go out on a date but i mean at the end of the day she's this other guy is there in front of you you know will she keep the date maybe maybe not but you ask yourself do you really want to go on a date with this girl who's going to a party and this other guy that she's supposedly dating and sleeping with is there as well i mean have some self-respect dude i mean seriously rubbing another man in your face at a party why would you want that i wouldn't put up with that i was like no thanks but you got a date maybe she keeps it maybe she doesn't flip a coin it could go either way it's doubtful that she'll actually keep the date but i don't know it's like i don't know what you what how your interactions were going but you know maybe you were trying to act like you didn't care i i don't know what was going on but obviously the other dude being there she pro you know especially if he shows up and she's seeing him she's probably not trying to give him the impression that she's with you and because she's got she's bouncing back and forth between both you it's like i would never put up with this i would just go date somebody else it's like you're not a priority to her you're just a backup and you're enabling her behavior a man who values himself and loves themselves can be like hey you guys deserve each other wish y'all the best and then go date somebody else i would never call or text or pursue a woman like this for any reason right out of seven principles get an ex back you don't chase after women that push you away you just simply don't they have to since they screwed the relationship up she's the one saying she needs space you don't chase after her call or pursue a woman in any way who's telling you she needs space because all you're going to do when you keep not giving her space is push her into the arms of another guy but like i said you can't make good wine for bad grapes but you know you're probably a glutton for punishment and maybe you need a little bit more abuse at the hands of this woman before you finally pull the rip cord and go find somebody else but i wouldn't waste i would not waste my time with her but it's your life you do whatever you want you do you boo boo whatever makes you happy so again if you haven't read master mastering yourself my second book or my first book how to be a three percent man you can read them both for free at understand relationships.com subscribe to the email newsletter obviously the sweet mugs and the sweet t-shirts are available at teespring the coach corey wayne store and if you'd like to talk to me personally to help you with some kind of professional or personal challenge that you're having right now go to understandingrelationships.com click the products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly until next time i will talk to you soon [Music] you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 73,647

Rating: 4.9157896 out of 5

Keywords: attraction, get ex back

Id: 8cdUiEWjqY0

Length: 26min 30sec (1590 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 30 2020