Louie Anderson - A Great Laugh Inducer - 10/10 Visits In Chron. Order

[Music] my next guest is a comedian yeah thank God because we need one round here as news you open September the servants at the palace station casino in Las Vegas please welcome the hilarious Louie Anderson everybody [Applause] [Music] [Applause] welcome thank you so much thank you so much I wish there was and I was on the phone today and I was looking for an app for when you get older I was thinking that would be really nice because I just turned 57 and 57 you just I remember when my parents turned 50 we used to stare at them it won't be long now [Music] and no one warned you you know things you can't do after you turn 50 like you can't open anything that's the wait till people stop over the house oh my god I'm glad you're here let's say can you open this stuff on the table for me start with the scissors they're in some sort of plastic I've cut them and you should get a new watch at fifty cuz time moves so fast people are always coming up to me Louie what'd you do today it's over I had some soup that's another thing you want after 50 are you hungry Louie is there any soup and could you open it please I used to be able to drive with one finger now people honk at me I'm that guy beep what day can i oh I'm going seven my bad seven success sometimes sometimes I'm out driving I'll think to myself huh where am i off to I gotta do that fake call home hey you want anything when I'm over there at the dentist thank you I'll get you some flaws the worst thing is I'm blind now I mean I couldn't see all of you but I can't read anything you know I have to wear little glasses I never have them where are you Louie I'm at the hotel well what's your number they're on the phone Sanibel [Laughter] hold on oh here it is seven oh my god there's a W in it letters back in the numbers again full circle the worst is the cell phone with the caller ID Adolf Hitler that maniac get on a minor [Music] that's going to voicemail he's a talker people text me now I text them back halfway through my text back they text me again and thanks is not spelled with an axe I'll tell you the first time I got a text from our friend I went look how dumb he is no word over three letters look how he spells my name lol [Applause] [Music] totally hard time about getting older I don't you look great I'm good I'm good yeah yeah nice timing raise your arm better don't know it's it's actually thank you for us yeah I saw you last night and I said oh my god no I had a terrible fall and I hurt my arm and and Marion Cotillard was here from France and didn't even mention it no French that's the French boy yeah yeah have you ever been over there France I went once I took my mom we were in London when I said mom do you want to go to Paris for lunch and she goes I suppose you know Midwestern mom so we went to France and in the underpass just my mom you know the big they fit well though No but the funniest thing was my mom couldn't get any ice and and from there's no ice for the water no they don't do it's not like yeah she was very upset can you believe a place like this doesn't he have ice and butter she wanted butter all the time they have butter in front it wasn't the butter she wanted ah so there's a different color butter over there but well what you've run into there Louise the coats are different from your own you shouldn't yell hi there try their butter yeah I did try it uh-huh well yeah this is all French right here [Applause] [Music] where are you where you Vegas know you're the palace the palace their Palace station obviously September 7th I'm four I'm still at the Excalibur for two more weeks when you play at the Excalibur board you have to dress up in medieval costume yeah yeah the horses don't like to see me come though yeah although I always wanted to be a jockey yeah too tall yeah sorry not good enough now now you're alright so the pilot the palace station is that station is I don't think I'm steady trains and well they have the Balder station the palace station it's part of the Red Rock and Green Valley Ranch and all those those noises but the whole actual station there's not like an on stage no there's no station yeah but I'll have my own show room which is what I wanted Wow which I hope you'll come and play no no it will be yours I can't come there okay I'm lazy I would love to have you great comedian I don't think people realize how funny you know they don't but you're funny I mean you're just so great you're so I've been watching you lately and I went how much funnier than I thought in France you're gonna be gone vacant France well in in France you have to be a lot more visual with your comedy yeah you know what yeah anyway we're out of time well I had a great time I had a great time yeah yeah always great to see you yeah it's a always a pleasure yeah yeah this is my first time but it's the first thing we met yeah but in showbiz years that means we're really good friends know each other forever well comics like each other yes they tattooed well they don't like anything else no they don't know they don't know so you don't mind my favorite things about your show is if this isn't none of this a script that it's fresh it's real it is it's great it's true yeah no we just find Regina we try and economize and the awkward oh yeah good for you all right then we'll do an awkward for us get yourself situated all right Manny I will do awkward paws all the way to commercial break Oh you've started good I'll be a bit needy at first and then I'm dead [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] my next guest performs nightly at the palace station casino in Las Vegas he's got a new CD it's called Louie Anderson live that's a clue to who he is it's available on iTunes this CD and also in it do you that they're the set the first time ever well a red-letter day indeed not only air conditioning but the fantastic Laurie Anderson everybody [Applause] like thank you so much I'm I'm trying to be a healthier person I I'm working out now I go to Anytime Fitness sometimes the first week I worked out a game for pound I yelled at the trainer idea I gained four pounds he goes don't worry about it Louie it's normal we're building your core well when do we work on the outer crust I love to eat that's my problem I love sweets you know these doughnut shops what cartel brought them into the country you don't even know you've eaten the first one I did no Chuck my dog and the ice-cream place is oh my god so many choices you want a cup or a cone crush a cone up and put it in the cup [Applause] what size you want Grand Canyon you want Butterfinger in there yeah don't forget a sister baby rule you want us to crush your brownie in their door that'll be $85 I'll tell you pressure brownie in there I should say so I'm on a food plan now where they deliver my food I'm up the next Monday [Music] I wish that we're a joke I try to always order healthy you know you going to the restaurant could I get a grilled chicken and a steamed broccoli you want something on that broccoli steamed you like some chatter on there yeah steam it though I love to eat at movies cuz you get eaten the dark no one knows what you're eating I wish you that Twilight movie and well I'm gonna do the whole movie for you it's about a girl who fell in love with a vampire in a wolf so here it is Edward the vampire I don't think we could be together Bella well why can't we be together I don't think it's gonna work out why not because I'll rip your throat out you won't rip my throat out I don't have a very good track record Wow maybe I want you to rip my throat out you say that now but what about in two hundred years and then Jacob comes in the wolf [Applause] I'll rip somebody's throat out thank you very much [Applause] [Music] was the gun good take a seat thank you good thank you hey leave you're gonna see the Twilight movies with a top into it I was talked into it I wanted to see somebody who'd get killed but and they promised me there'd be a lot of killing you live in Vegas you can see someone get killed at the movie there's not a two-drink minimum yeah hey do you do you go oh people come to visit you in Vegas whenever I'm Vegas I always suddenly have family members end up like that you know Judy or something I you always get that call yeah we're thinking about coming out visiting yeah yeah well fake again take them do you say do you do like you're sure taking them place you don't think I'm gonna just get that free tickets for them that's what they want they they act like they want to see you but they don't really don't want to see anyone free tickets they just go see the circus ally go and see they all recently was that that's the water of the water one yes I haven't seen that one french-canadians bending and stretching and watering and running and jumping way up high and then jumping man oh yeah but they don't feed them any fish just humans doing it human stuff that says gosh yeah I know it sounds awful you couldn't it was Marty Allen who you were thinking oh oh the guy who do we have a picture of Mario oh yeah hello down there do you always say remember well hello yeah wait it probably didn't always say that like if someone said to him you want a salad or some of that even go hello your picture Kim jong-il let me see yeah it looks at which one do you like the vibe I don't care for the vampire movies there yeah you know I really did go with some friends they really wanted to see it but I I I like I do like vampire movies I normally like vampire but Dad that particular prior movies what you just did it I don't think we can be together don't talk like that yes and in it and the people would float towards them yeah do you remember the one yeah I'm I really I didn't really I mean I didn't hate the movie but I didn't oh it's terrible I've watched it movies where nobody went to see it or hated it and so Howie's a lot of people are gonna see these movies and love them yes not personally don't but I've noticed that I don't like saying most things that other people like like a lot of people like a lot of people like the vampire movies I don't like them yeah a lot of people like um dies with the stars I don't like it yeah I don't care for that either a lot of people like the American Idol don't care for it what do you like on Judy it's really great though you know to be in that position to have a new show on TV and then to have your relatives come that's when you're famous you're not famous to people until their friends think you're family right yeah you know your mom's work to that you know when your mom says hey she thinks you're funny and you go well I'm funny well I just didn't realize you were that funny yeah we're at timely yeah hey you wanna do another awkward pause yeah you ready yeah right you want a harmonica or non harmonica awkward pose whatever you prefer I'm sure we'll try a harmonica set see how we do know that loud added awkwardness [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] we are this is a [Applause] [Music] [Applause] my next guest my next guest is one of my favorite comedians is a very very funny man he's on March the 5th at the wild horse Pass casino in Chandler Arizona [Laughter] please welcome back to the show the lovely Louie Anderson everybody [Music] [Applause] so much thank you so I just got back from Minnesota I had to get out of there before someone asked me to shovel don't shovel you can have a heart attack so what I always tell people I had a heart episode that means when they call it a heart episode means you have really good insurance I woke up in the middle of the night and I went oh I didn't eat at the big taco so I went to the hospital I didn't know this when you get to the emergency room if you say fat guy chest pains you're in you're right to the head of the line what about the guy with no head we got a bucket of ice coming out for him the nurse takes me in the room and she goes here put this on and why I don't know about you but when when I get left alone in the hospital room I look for stuff to steal what's in here cause you can never have enough gore and these are the good cause the doctor came and you're worried you know and he came in he goes you didn't have a heart attack I go that's good can you pass me those tacos he goes but we think you've got some blockage oh you know about that he goes I knew you'd get it because we'd like to do an angioplasty on you oh no my breasts are big enough I just named them I go what's an angioplasty he goes well we take a wire we go in through your groin who's we and you'll agree to do it because they dope you up you ready the doll I ready to go their blade and you get here the angioplasty room you lay on the table it's an amazing time we live and I look up there's my heart on the monitor I knew was my heart too cuz that thing was wrapped in bacon and I had two blocked arteries and the doctor comes in because you see your arteries yeah he goes you know which ones are blocked you don't know listen if you're not sure so he's headed towards my groin he was feeding the wire in batter there was a puppet show going on you shut up no you churn and the wire goes up and you'll get excited when it shows up on the you're in but my arteries would not let that wire go in he tried it 30 or 40 times I finally said to him doc what's up he goes mr. Anderson I'm gonna get a colleague I don't care if you get a shepherd I hear Labs are good dog so the guys that's ahead of angioplasty comes in you never want to hear this ah damn it what is it doc because you're still bleeding I'm still bleeding listen if you need them I've got gauze in my pocket [Applause] thank you about your heart episode you're right yeah good fix to me all up the doctor just check my heart he said it looks fantastic well that's good to hear thank you are you gonna run you where are you at the wild horse cuz you know yes tomorrow night I'm at wise guys in Ogden Utah right so I'm gonna see the Mormons and then I'm gonna see the horses do you do a lot of horse riding yourself well you know I wanted to be a jockey - cha know when I head towards the horses they dock to try to avoid eye contact I working on a brand new armor material that's some of it and you know I just thought I love doing stand-up I was in Florida I like yes their Gators their waters Gators Gators yes they I'm not talking about the team no no they you actually but not that dangerous Gators yeah listen these are the population areas you've all right let me tell you we were there I was pumping gas cuz I lost the bet and I looked over in a canal and there was a guest near a canal well you know their canals everywhere all right okay yeah yeah I'm not making it up okay but right now I look into that dangerous the pump gas Wow no I said isn't that a gator and my friend goes yeah they can run 35 miles an hour so he said you top it off I'm gonna get back in the car because I cannot run 35 are you sure because 35 miles an hour she says though to be you don't have to worry because they can only run in a straight line yeah you think you got a Zig and then you're gonna zag no don't do that because if you zig and it's going forward when you zag it'll be waiting yeah watch okay that's I'm worried I'd be down in Florida doing that you don't worry you should go in Florida I want to go to the the Wizarding World of Harry Potter oh my god we went there yes we I have friends they have a kid and that's what you do when people have kids you go to where they're gonna go yeah all right I'm trying to talk my kids into go in one year kids will love that you know I was a little cynical about it but it's first of all wherever there's a castle you could get a turkey leg that's true you don't even need the castle like medieval times a medieval times you get a turkey leg yes it's the only time when anyone says do you want to get a turkey leg yeah you're eating the turkey leg and you ever go in medieval times I liked it I you go there and then the the wedge comes over yes would milord like Pepsi or coke depending on who's advertising tonight with the Lord like a soda advertised on CBS but it's nice and big yeah like jaws then we leave the jokes at Harry Potter no no no I medieval comedy besides ya know I was gonna say no a Harry Potter is really a magnificent thing they must have spent a billion dollars do you read the businesses movie now but everybody's stayed on the movie for 15 minutes yeah yeah yeah yeah it's really amazing I mean it was really beautiful and you had butter beer they had butter beer butterbeers you say yes that it's no beer in it it's kind of like butterscotch yeah with the foam on the top it sounds like a root beer to me well it's thicker than it's like drinking but you can only take two drinks and then you and you're trying to pawn it off on people do you want some butter beer yeah have my butter beer yeah whatever your dough well it's lovely to see ya I'm very happy that you're back on the show and that your hearts in good shape yes it is they want to lay off the bar beer that way the lovely Louie Anderson everybody [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Oh buzzer bike my next guest to my knowledge has never had sex with a raft but he's a very funny comedian whoa that'll be an interesting change on this show shut up and their voice pills gone anyway my next guest is a very funny comedian he's on every Tuesday through Saturday at the Louie Anderson theatre at the palace station in Las Vegas that's a clue to who he is [Laughter] [Applause] how are you yeah good man yeah you don't look great I love this elephant thank you I tell you what you know we should do this outfit I love so much you should wear this outfit and come back on the show in a couple of weeks and do some stand well [Applause] I actually that's a Rolling Stones tie is it is it is I don't know if it's their tie but they don't wear ties they can't be tamed oh that's true they they don't have time for time whenever you hear Rolling Stones song you just you think you want to see them again I mean if you love you you know I I do like I've seen them live quite a lot but as the years go by and I see them a more I'm kind of like I wonder if people feel that way about me no you haven't even peaked yet ya know what I'm worried about hey I used to are you selling the road I am on the road well you and I leave about once a month to go do gigs here and there usually following you you're you were just in Seattle or you were when I was there at some yeah they love is there recently yep yeah I was just in Winnipeg and then I'm going to Edmonton oh these are the these are the glamour studies yeah you know these are the ones I'm getting booked there yeah no I wear backs and the Vancouver's but Mansion Edmonton Winnipeg in a peg Regina Regina Wow that's our raft story is actually it's a landlocked area yeah have you ever enjoyed booting if you know what I mean you know I went canoeing once in the Boundary Waters it was Idaho I was over 300 pounds and the person I said to the person listen I think canoeing is not good for me I mean I like the idea of it but I'm not a swimmer I'm you know I mean the water was just right we were on you know we were was right there what happens in the canoe no matter who you are you know again the canoe the waters right now you Frank I mean if you get in the canoe in the water isn't there that you're wasting your time Frank what about the do you worry about sharks no not not when it passed actually they animals when I go camping worry about me they put their food up in the trees [Applause] [Music] yeah you know that's one of my very first jokes that was what I like it is nothing when did you start writing jokes huh in 1978 Wow I'm looking forward to that you're great joke teller no no man no no III go I got a rowboat and a glamorous st. you know people I put on my facebook to say hi to Jeff from from Bend Oregon I've been to Oregon and that's code it was Michael Michael said to say Michael and bend or yeah remember Michael yeah he works at a sporting goods store he won't say oh yeah they robbed seven probably you know let me give you a piece of advice I know you didn't ask and you don't need it but never I get a robot yeah you never know stick to stand up on your own once you introduce technology things get weird yeah it's been good it's good though it's all right but it's a little much right well you know when we get asked to go to events together yeah uh yeah is there a switch though yes there is yeah you don't get that don't like were you ever we ever in a double act at all I am in a double yeah [Music] I mean how could how could I not know I never wanted to work with anyone else no Lila's design no you know it's sort of a stand-up thing you either if you can't get it on your own I as George Miller very funny comedian yes he had a great joke he goes I used to like when double acts broke up so I could watch him fail individually yeah something very that's very true about the mindset of a comedian isn't it it is yeah there's a part of us that doesn't want anyone to do well yeah and that part of us is called us oh yeah are you still enjoying Las Vegas and the old probably Here I am I love it I have a great time there I'm working on new material all the time I do a special really yeah especially it's so funny you would say that in December before I think hopefully the country music channel cuz they're the ones doing comedy no really yeah there's this come really it's true why are you the Cable Guy yes I have yeah you know he has my favorite joke of the moment that has joke so I don't know if it's an old part of his act huh but he is this joke you know does that get her done later he said he said yes this joke what he says and I'm clearly stealing it but I'm at least I'm traded for it right he says he says I had a girlfriend who was a I was nuts over her that's a great job yeah yes I don't think your run of applause and pass it on to line yeah you know comics its I can enjoy watching comic so I do enjoy it my psychic it's a great great thing to watch an amazing art form I thinks that is it's done right it's just spectacular I mean it's done wrong yeah when somebody is enjoying well you can have just as much enjoyment yes yeah you can have a feast yeah I like Vegas like I was saying I'm good you like Vegas good you every time wait is there something you wanted to plug before I have a new one I have a new one special I'd write my very first special is now on iTunes it's called mom Louise looking at me alright we're at a time alright so that's good though that's good so awkward pause mouth organ touch my glittery ball but to be honest touch my glittery ball is really a stalking horse it's not a real option I only people always say that the awkward pause that's the way to go that's the way to go yeah so we'll do awkward pause with me trying to sneak a look at your genitals alright [Laughter] well listen I'd like to have that same look so I would see them in years all right [Applause] I feel I'm on a fool's errand [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] I'm Louie Anderson I'm the guest host tonight [Applause] no no no he's not you are the voice of the robot tonight the robot is going under repairs for two weeks different people are doing the voice of the robot stop texting me insane wait they don't want coming back you know what I mean it's them anyway okay what happens is we take you backstage and you go into a pod okay yeah and then the pod once you're in the pod your mind is taken from you and putting in the body of the robot like the Vulcan mind there [Laughter] [Music] all right but you have an added problem okay because the second guest on the show tonight is my mother-in-law no I'll be real nice yeah okay that'll tell ya know she wrote a book yes yeah I met her oh you did yeah she said Naboo me she everybody was fawning over so I figured you were in trouble yeah she's my mother-in-law yeah yeah yeah she hates me she does I have sex with a door I meant I met her daughter very beautiful what the hell man everybody was in one room putting makeup on anyway look okay yes oh right look until you go backstage you country you would find that the the the summers will go to your head and then your voice will come out the robot for the rest of the show okay you got it right and you will be the personality of the robot I will right did you get there breathing became audible oh brother I'd like to get a copy of that I'd love it yeah also by the way you think we're doing on the show you know how like Oprah gives away a car to the audience like everybody in the audience gets a car yeah well we're everybody new ities gets free curvy this boat [Applause] yeah that that's fantastic yeah well I've got 11 bags of Skittles in my butt [Laughter] family size are fun size Halloween sighs I see do you like a big Halloween order do you keep things small and light colors well great there's nothing for you at this show that hey yeah what time is it Geoffrey Peterson it's time for emails [Applause] [Music] Superboy three that way Oh [Music] alright Jeff here we go this is from Morgan and Hutchinson Minnesota you ever been a hunter believe it and I have been yeah aah aah what did I worked on a pig farm there for a while I slapped the pigs you want the pigs slap them swap to them for what ha no swab down I thought you said swap them I like you know hey I'll swap Pig for that card another day is that what you did yeah no I slapped them but I didn't I didn't swap them it was a work release program if you had a pig would you swap it or would you hang on to it if I was tired of it I'd swap it I say so a pig is just something to be toyed with for yours and talk to [Laughter] all right at Morgan and Hutchinson Minnesota says hi Craig and Jeff I like the teachers assistant and one of my courses how can I ask him out without looking like I'm doing it for extra credit give a good attracted to whether you're one of your teachers there Jeff guess the gym teacher Chris in Charlotte North Carolina you ever been to Charlotte North Carolina I have not I've been there is it beautiful yes it is I'd love to go I'll meet you in the convertible this is deer creek in j5i that are you ever considered going into politics after leaving show business leaving Joe but the sweet lord I cannot show a creepy guy Oh Tom just given and a basement voice by Livia Andersen forget it wasn't back in touch yeah what would you do when you left the show business there Jeff I'm doing it [Applause] all right this is from Matt Casey oh this is from KC and the Sunshine Band I opened for them once is Larry King came out and talked and then idea comedy act and then they sang oh oh oh that kind of opening for him yeah yeah anyway Casey that worked for you eventually today all right no I was supposed to laughs well you know every little helps is what I'm saying anyway Casey in Sydney Australia says hi Craig and Jeff I recently found out my sister had a one-night stand with my best friend uh-oh is it too awkward to confront them on it but why the hell would you want to lemon laughs yeah yeah business right Jeff well how good of a friend was he yeah all right no overtime yeah again yeah we got to do the commercial break you want to do the commercial break I do do the commercial break while I read this variant attack a comeback form our staff hey do you ever go and see Louie Anderson you're up in Vegas who is ever heard of y'all right yeah he's the voice of Jeffries he's the personality of Jeff Peterson I love that I love the Jeff today yeah thank you I love you on The Price is Right thank you very much [Music] we had to add the cat escaped and so that people wouldn't rayon and say oh you kill the cat yeah people love cats oh they do and the type of people who love cats will not hesitate and get in touch with the broadcaster if they think a cat has been mistreated in any way they are on it you could you can even mystery a photograph of a cat yeah because that all that is that's a photograph of a guy actually drop a weight on a cat it's a photograph of a weight and falling in the photograph of a cat or the first time we did it people anyway how did you have a nice time in the poet skeleton or the pod was great yeah I love being in the pod I love your show your great great oh no don't have stop that drinking I know that and I mean it though no he didn't yeah hey you know what's weird my mother-in-law being on the show home now you know what was it that like did you not know really what to say cuz what do you say well you know what the thing is I knew that she needed to be more embarrassed than me because I've read the book and that nipple teeth thing is really enough you know III don't know how to look at the woman I mean is that crazy your mother-in-law and then you read that book can you go wat and you show your wife and go this is your mother comes handy in an hour you know you know because you doesn't clean up the buzzer and oh yeah I'm sorry I had my nipples in somebody's teeth yeah my favorite part is when she plugged her publicist my god like that yeah yeah it's awesome the you were here man I love being here well let's I would like you to just get rid of that robot and I'll just stand there I really don't want you to get rid of the robot I don't want to stand my next guest is a very funny comedian thank goodness that last he's every on every Tuesday through Saturday at the Louie Anderson theater at the palace station in Las Vegas please welcome the American comedy legend Louie Anderson everybody [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you so much oh my god what a beautiful day was was there I almost went for a walk I came this close and I got to the front door nagoya really know this area they're always tricked you tell you what you walk the moment you land at the Los Angeles Airport and fitness center I didn't think I'd make it the baggage I'm coming people are betting on me he's talking to me you'll be on the carousel I laid on the carousel once not on purpose I just sat on the edge and then centrifugal force to the road I went around three times to people pick me up is this act how about when the bags come down you realize oh my god I bought the same bag as the rest of America luckily I don't own any ribbon last time I flew they thought I was a terrorist they thought I was a Taliban tubby you know the nice one delis make you feel first of all I hate that maze that security even even if it's empty you gotta walk the entire maze do you think we'll get cheese at the end of this wouldn't it be nice if there was cheese at the earth get through security cheese sir why thank you luckily I have crackers in my partner they make you feel bad - sometimes sir over here in the humiliation area let's get those shoes off well you're gonna have to help me put them back on and that'd be another good idea shoe helper do it too tight cheese and a shoe helper you know hopefully not the same person you know and then they go through your stuff you always think the same thing when people are digging through your stuff that doesn't go there it worked out though cuz I went oh my god I've been looking all over for that my chapstick you always look a little nuts putting chapstick on oh yeah I live in Vegas a couple days in Vegas your chapstick and everything now they've started to scan us which is a horrible thing for any man at least they try to comfort us by saying hey don't worry about it the people scanning you will be in another room of course they'll be in another room bill come in here make him go through again bill come on you'll feel better about yourself I'm just something to get a free MRI out of it how does my back look is it okay can you help me locate my chapstick thank you so much [Applause] [Music] thanks guys I thought if I'd say that quietly you wouldn't hear it my thanks guys a very funny comedian a very very funny comedian you our special big gay baby boomer which premieres tomorrow marks the 6 on the CMT please welcome the great lion is it [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you I just was that buying some clothes at the buying some clothes store just find some clothes and I realized if I get one more X on my clothing and next year's Super Bowl [Applause] I've just never any good with dressing I even when I just before I came out here I looked at myself in the mirror and I go what am i performing at a children's party and then I look down on my shoes and I thought is that the left foot and they're right for it hey I'm one day from clown shoes and then I thought when I said is this black and blue dairy wear blue pants again but and blue and my brother goes oh you better not do that that's a fashion faux pas well luckily that's my clone name and I'm mad at my brother and I do what all brothers do to each other tiny talk you know what that is [Laughter] only other family members and cats can understand that mom's invented it at the grocery store I have a dog dogs are always great cats I don't know the dogs dogs are always happy to see you no matter what have you come home it means to come out of the door ten times in and I didn't know if they think you just got back where have you been don't ever leave me again let me lick you cats don't care if your home ain't fluffy [Laughter] you know what cats are thinking if I were bigger I'd drag you under the bed cats love when you're bigger you're fat they love to do that elliptical on your stock I only get on that elliptical machine when the Sun and the moon thank you very much [Applause] oh you look great I feel great blue pants with a black eye honestly even when I'm outside I go no no you even if it was they're both black there yeah that's yeah the same yeah no they are but in the lighting here no one could no one knows no one cares I care only about fashion yeah as you can see yeah see that I like your tie it's very pegasi you still in Vegas you have a palace station yeah I have fun over there I love Vegas yes alright it's alright you know I mean it wears on you a little bit yeah well you know it depends I don't take drugs anymore so I it's funny when you're young you take drank drunk or dregs yeah yeah I took dregs and oxidized yeah yeah great for drugs yeah when you get older all the words aren't available no I does the ace of diamonds hold any particular significance to you is a name you perhaps danced under that was my first stage an ace of diamond ace of diamonds and silly putty I like I like fashion faux-pas I think that's good thank you enjoy that actually you know it just to be honest that's the kind of joke I did for you because not all people would like appreciate that like another comedian what yeah yeah I know every comedian writes jokes in their act for other community that's true that's true it many times I come out here and I perform the monologue and think well that was one for the comedian this is a great crowd tonight wow I can hardly deal with it I mean because there's no usually the crowds here terrible these people are [Applause] giving any bad roads up there in Vegas you ever gotta call you think God you know Wednesdays are rough wedge these are I have to be honest so she's never done mastic I've never done a madman is that rough you've done a matter Wednesday yeah yeah you ever played a biker bar yeah the guy introduced me goes now you're gonna love them it's Loni Anderson can you just go I'm not gonna do well many many comedians to struggle in a biker bar though I liked me though they are you funny yeah later they were well that's how you know why does that always work because it's funny because it's a funny thing that cats do do that yeah yeah and if they will they will get on them yeah yeah and then they look at ya better not move no I don't think it's not I think he's Morgan you like that there you go any change on you [Music] well alright I'm here so what do you think you know you think in mouth organ you thinking uh-oh composure you want to go for the big gas price big cash prize [Music] [Applause] ah big cash price to waste when you get up there you can either guess what's in my box I imagine a box in my head I don't know what's in the only Jeff Peterson knows what's in the box you guessed correctly even the price you guess wrong or you could answer a question I'm gonna can I guess what's in the box you sure I want I shouldn't yeah okay all right then Jeff you ready oh yeah all right Jeff I'm thinking of a box mmm why don't we stop make it all suggest if I'm trying to attract attention I'm trying to make a fool of a brown noise and break a minion you make a fool of me man I'll rub down your belly after the show you talking to me does it doesn't matter all right I'm imagining the box okay the box is there there's something in it I don't know what it is blue jelly doughnut Jeff is it a jelly doughnut the correct answer is jelly down [Applause] he's headlining at the Plaza Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas beginning July the 10th please welcome the great Louie Anderson everybody [Applause] thank you yeah a little under the weather he had a sciatica prom that's not a Pacino movie sciatic I don't know if you what it is but it's a pain that's here that goes straight to help I was on pain pills but I couldn't find my way home so my friend said why don't you why don't you get some medical marijuana I said cuz I don't need another reason to be hungry you know my friend smoke marijuana I get the munchies but you know I did think about it and I live in Vegas so I called Elvis's doctor oh okay man okay so I got it known in Vegas they'll give you the plants and you have to grow it yourself I can't even keep a fern alive but I have had a few friends offer to help me I'll do it for you Louie I'm a botanist hey guys ever really likes smoking marijuana not because of the marijuana but because of the guy who rolled the joint yeah you go [Music] does anybody have a hairdryer I mean I could never smoke it like everyone else everybody else had a real good way of small New York they pass it to me here Louie so he said well why don't you just get some edibles then isn't that a Disney movie he goes no like candy or cookies or brownies could I get two scoops of the Ben & Jerry's utopia I would like to get the card though the medical marijuana card everyone wants a card that someone else doesn't have what is that oh that's my medical marijuana card remember when you scoffed up my sciatica problem well my doctor didn't and look at the expression on it infinity that's so much pain on them you know it would be fun though you know just to talk my friends what are you done uh it's my medical marijuana you haven't even lit lit it I'm talking you and I would love to get pulled over by the police you know and have the card cuz that would be good hey why were you going so slow oh here's my medical marijuana card officer you notice the X break is that a marijuana cigarette in the ashtray yes sir you can't smoke marijuana and drive it's ever been lit sir it's there in case I have an accident why well let's say I go over a cliff and I can't get out of the car I like that thing up share it with the bear that's trying to kill me he gets hungry gets us a salmon thank you very much [Music] by everybody will take a brand-new balloon [Music] [Music] come on cavity I'm here with my Anderson we were just talking you you uh you lost a little weight yes I was on splash and that's the dive shoe yeah yeah that's a pretty big splash yeah yeah it was fun actually yeah so much you did good I did pretty good you know like I got up I did the 10 meter that was my goal right and that's three stories 33 feet in this I would need feet of water I wouldn't do that well you don't have to know I'm not gonna know I it was it was really good to change my you know got me like I you know when I got this show I was just sitting around it got me off the couch you know and that's really what I needed to do you doing on the couch I'll just sitting there yeah did you have a TV on or not on sometimes yeah what do you watch on TV when you got it uh Food Network food yeah yeah you know I watch I like the reality shows I like someone what once the storage wars oh man I I can't do that is that the hoarders one oh no I can't watch no that's too much my mom was a pack rat but we had aisles yeah yeah you know at one time honestly I used to be a little bit of a pack rat and I had five storage spaces Louie why I don't know cuz I couldn't throw anything out you know ya come from a big family and you just so one time I have better that what kind of excuse is that I don't know it I come from a big family so I'm keeping all my stuff yeah okay so yeah it's true I don't know why but I was watching storage words one night and I went that's my stuff honestly I thought I called my manager I go did I ever live in Cerritos it's really true I thought it was my stuff and was it yourself no okay so someone out there is pretending to be you by having your stuff well it was a giant popcorn machine that I had bought I know I don't know why I bought a giant popcorn well if you wouldn't have giant popcorn is the only way they were this big each kernel yeah I I don't know how did you lose the weight what did you do uh well you're not in splash they started they had me doing strength and strengthening exercises because you got to build your core for the diving right and you know when you I mean really it is it's more work than you think yeah I believe you and then I took that and I kept working out in the pool and I've been doing you know a lot still doing it you keep working out in the pool boy yeah what do you do um I do I walk against the vortex there's a vortex is a vortex in the pool you should maybe call an exorcist I just keep looking this is the heart of the house this is the selling point so you you know the vortex you walk it you swim against it but I can't swim against it yeah but I walk against it well so I do ten laps against the vortex and sometimes I fall back and then they just go around awhile but it's really true because it's so much fun because you're just going around and around and there's something joyful because I float well and there's something it's true though I mean I've always been buoyant and you have a point personality oh yeah a bouncy and and I go around but then I do that and then I do a hundred squats in the pool why I can't do that outside but I could do a few right but you know before I did splash I could not barely get off the couch without help really and so that really it really gate are you gonna keep at it now you can't my goal I'm under 400 pounds my goal now is to get under 300 pounds well good luck welcome back to the show my next guest a very funny comedian he had lanes at the Plaza Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas he will also be in Burnsville Performing Arts Center in Minnesota New Year's Eve please welcome the adorable they are [Applause] [Music] thank you so much thank you so much I I just got done working out and I know people always laugh but I really do work out and my trainer said I need a a fitness goal and I go all right he goes what about this Kilimanjaro the mountain yeah you climb it I've never heard a good story come out of there Louie to the left now he's a frozen monument that climbers high-five them as they go by for luck there's less air up there I can barely get by on the air I have here when I fly over Denver I'm lightheaded and then my other friends say oh people must think I'm outdoorsy because the next thing Louie we want you to go on a safari with us what to the Kalahari I've had calamari is it anything like that we're gonna sleep out with the wild animals oh no no cuz if a lion gets in there and then people run guess who's cut from the herd those big paws grabbing my butt no thank you then my other friend said Lola let's go can be not least are there bears yes I do not want to be zipped up in a bag so the bear can just take me home did you get enough berries Betty oh I got a frozen dinner that's gonna last me two years and they said I said well you know I'm worried about bears I'll be honest they go well just play dead well that's fine when they're around your feet but they get up around your neck anyways when I go camping the Bears put their food up in the trees [Applause] good oh boy LuAnn Sammy Lovato sweet she's lovely this is yellow ugly girls oh what a great name sounds like that Pato I don't need to be it sounds like a appetizer could I get the Demi Lovato on toast hey no too soon too soon she's still in the belt thing Danny I'm sorry yeah nice we have to take a break we'll be right back [Applause] [Music] you [Applause] [Music] welcome back I'm here with a fantastic comedian Louie Anderson do you ever been nominated for a Grammy for one of your no yeah yeah yeah yeah I've always wanted to Wow hey I got beat up for the ACE award by Bill Maher Bill Maher the old ace award what was the ace of okay but why was he came too late yeah well I won two Emmys but you know who's talking so hey I saw you in Jacksonville we were booted Jacksonville and Florida Florida yeah I ran into you they were no greatest people in floor ya know by a long way no I have we worried the the the breakfast bar in to the breakfast bar we had fairly healthy you were very healthy you had oatmeal yeah did I you remember my food I remember everybody's I had a cup of coffee it's a mobile yeah yeah what did you have then two poached eggs soft and toast that's pretty healthy that's not too bad it's okay you still doing your get off the coach I am I'm still don't you know I think it's that same Beach that did that thing earlier on yeah yes I'm still doing to get off the couch we just walked that we walk one o'clock every Saturday wherever I am right and so even when I was up in Canada was 40 below you've enough for a walk before he blew you around the house you walked around the house indoors yeah I said hey could I come in your house so you just walked up to people's houses and said can I come at your house I'm Louie Anderson I probably I'm freezing to death yeah what Canadians are very friendly they're yeah they're friendly they're so did did you ask the Minnesotans well they are quite and close to them the what about that you said you were going to play someplace in northern Canada when I saw with the Saskatoon what a great Saskatoon you had a wonderful name yeah Saskatoon Oh My another that's it tre that sounds like it I'll have the he's of the demi lovato I'm having the Saskatoon late yeah and they won the Grey Cup they're always up there during the Grey Cup oh great I thought it was a gravy Cup you can't I know that joke didn't work up there either I'm very sorry well go ahead no no no don't encourage him it's lovely to see you man I see so you what are you doing you played a New Year's Eve I'm a New Year's Eve I've done it since night since 1990 this our 13th year it was kind of a tribute to my mom she died in 90 right and she loved you know what I did so you go and do that Year's Eve New Year's in in minutes and many apples at the Burnsville Performing Arts Center well I'll go and see Louie there if you have to be around Louie are doesn't everybody [Applause] by next gas is a very funny comedian very funny comedian the funniest comedian in the world don't pressure alright his new podcast is available on iTunes you can see him every week at the Plaza Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas Nevada please welcome the adorable Louie Anderson everybody [Applause] thank you thank you so much so a great crash what a great crowd thank you so loud I was in a nightclub in Vegas you never every bit of the new guy comes over there's 8,000 people you can never find anyone it's so loud and people get so drunk now you know that drunk where you just have had too much but you just keep ordering you know that drunk will you turn into a wrestler you know that drug where you should be falling down but your inner gyroscope let's take it over and you're sure somebody's gonna fall they have a spotters bhaiyya and you think they're gonna go but they get straight there I'm alright I have never been that drunk I've been that full you know where you've eaten that 10,000 calorie meal that isn't even on a Weight Watchers chart you know where you just sit there you go oh I should lay down and then when you're done with the meal they try to give you some more they come over you want to hear that desserts yeah okay we got creme brulee I don't need anything I can't spell we got lava cake seems dangerous and you know you're gonna hear them on them sometimes they surprise you we got Mitchell's ice cream yeah and they say Mitchell's like it's not just any Mitchell Mitchell's ice cream that Mitchell and it's good you know the hand make it they make it with their hands they fold the ice cream I didn't know you could fold ice cream they folded and they only make so much every day well yeah I suppose our hands are so cold [Laughter] [Applause] I was Michels my first day my phone doesn't work back here do you ever have that where you panic a little my phone I go what's something's wrong I was taking a selfie with Julie and I go dude my phone frozen oh my phone friend was there on you know that thing where when a phone doesn't work you have that one friend that knows stuff phones right that OB phone Kenobi there's my phone Oh Oh be cool phone Kenobi we separate the words like that over 50 when you're over 50 I'll be Dobie if they take your phone and they scold you Oh for cryin out loud look at that you've got everything open in your do I look at that's open that your bills and that's on the open they go into a shame thing that's in the open why do you have that old bag have you back this up do you know how to back it up [Applause] [Music] you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] every I welcome back a mirror with Louie Anderson and yeah yeah that's fine yeah it was what a great audience huh I'm hoping for better next week yeah I like how you say bear bear it bear are you feeling better that's why I talk like I know I talk like have you ever been to Scotland I have not I've been to I think it was was it Ireland maybe I don't know have you ever been American no but the Canada what's that's similar though well I don't know us oh you're right I love Scotland i watch Game of Thrones isn't that all shocked yeah you know it's I had to give up my dragons when I came into America I saw if you like the game of Thrones I love I love the game it's not good you just you just go oh I should live that no I don't know yeah but happiness oh yeah you're right a lot of stabby yeah I don't know what a booby so does that and he's in movies Devin and Boo Boo's you know it's a what's so great about it is you can disappear in it and it's like the you know in the in some yeah that's me these are you know choice yoga good actually a little bit you know I have I've been working really hard I I you know I could eat and bread was the first thing mmm I love bread you know I know you gotta quit eating it though if it's making my heavy yeah I mean I this is all toast buttermilk in here this fatback bacon sorry yeah that's alright I uh I just want to say you know I've been on here about six or seven times seven I think and you've treated me so great well your name but you're really you've been really great to me thank you well so I know you don't like [Applause] [Music] gin and juice maybe I gonna do [Music]

Channel: The Jayleno Fly

Views: 238,413

Rating: 4.8333335 out of 5

Keywords: クレイグと女の子の女性, クレイグ・ファーガソン, ロボットをゲオフ, craig ferguson, craig ferguson and the ladies, flirting masterclass, funny late night, best talkshow, funny talkshow, talkshow compilation, talkshow moments, flirt talkshow, geoff the robot, the jayleno fly, funny moments, super happy fun time hour with robot and old man, louie anderson comedy, need a laugh, louie anderson craig ferguson, louie anderson fresh comedy, louie anderson stand up, louie anderson interview

Id: uBkZZcf84t4

Length: 86min 57sec (5217 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 12 2017