Kung-Flu feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas | Full Episode | Flagrant 2

what up everybody welcome to another episode of flagrant sue I got some news very important before we start the show got a great episode today but I know a lot of you guys have been asking me how you can get tickets to the special all four shows sold out well we spoke to the production company we asked them to move around some gear and possibly create some more space for people and they accommodated so we've added more seats to every single show they will go up today as you're listening to this right now I think at 9 a.m. they go on sale the Andrew Schultz calm go get them as soon as you can I think there might be like 80 seats a show or something like that go get them ASAP spread the word tell your friends tell the world thank y'all so much for selling out these shows man we're doing everything they can and make sure every single one of you guys is able to get there so go do that and spread the word thank you so much now let's start this show [Music] what's up everybody welcome to another episode of flagrant to schulte here Akash in a build and Alex media we have ed in theatre Turkey and we have some hyenas with us fellas you know we have the history hyenas Yanis Pappas Chris Edie in the building Chrissy fresh off of a podcast what do we call it when we go to the west coast and just kind of indulge in the podcast rock it was on a podcast blitzkrieg you want a podcast my feet when Chris goes west coast to do two podcasts is you know what a Tasmanian devil yeah that's what my Instagram feed it's just like you on Theo like I got warts it was just gotten people Santa it was just every [ __ ] wild story of your childhood yeah well your father was clearly not around yeah that wall I just let those when I go out there I just let stories rip reality of suggestions before and there's people that are like hey that story had a different ending last time and I'm like well it's what it is it's a different [ __ ] reality guy that was 2019 now it's 2020 when I go into those la pau championship round like I literally go in there and I take deep breaths like I like literally like I was playing ball like Brian when I went there Bryan Callen and Brendon Walken stars like um just go to the bathroom I said STP which I did when I did ten deep breath right him suggests and then I just go ready to go and whenever it is sometimes I'm a hyper gay sometimes I'm hyper straight I just don't know when I am [ __ ] swinging for those fences still tickets out here yeah crazy you are I think the best podcast guess right now I appreciate I really think it yeah I was I was who was I talking about was it do you I was talking who maybe was mark and Alex or some like that but it was just like you swing for the [ __ ] fences there is it's no-holds-barred approach now I don't care what anybody thinks about you I couldn't give a [ __ ] at all I mean that's why even with your pal your podcast is in the same things like you come in here and you better have [ __ ] to say like I just went oh there we go yeah just went Chris watch the death before yeah yeah I'm just watching this guide I'll be about thirty this story gonna end the same doesn't get any more 2020 then when you're visiting someone who's on their deathbed and then you know I gotta go I got to do a pod yeah I was and I was with I was with Kunal Aurora was also in there I was like I gotta go do a podcast with the better version of you Kunal 2.0 and I said and but yeah it was one of those things where it's like you know every time he would stop talking or he would like go to like you know like literally like spit up blood I would just check my phone yeah and it's just you know I'm sorry to do that but it's just a symptom of 2020 reality I mean I love that guy you know I was thinking tickets to sell we started so it's a can't you got a nice table behind buying a ticket yeah I mean his if you're a bush around the bush and a kid goes down I mean you assess whether he could be saved and if not you gotta you gotta make it all the way people go through the podcast yes so let's let how you got a time we got to be here yeah Schultz studios take your socks and shoes off let's get Arjun young - yeah it's an Asian I can't believe you don't have guests flips yet they're coming we have the fashion flops coming and it's gonna be you guys will be the first person nice yeah where's people to get a pair as long as I don't have your face on it like Mao I'll be happy I'll be wild it's just his face dog women which mal man he put his face on it he probably did I imagine because it was the most relatable face I just I just feel like if you think maybe ya me fix it other Asians put it on like I could see myself in this I think he put it on his face he was like them yeah he probably just studied you know it's mal but it could be any older Asian guy am I on my flips yeah I'm [ __ ] it was hard enough to tell Asians apart before it now with the coronavirus mass how do you even know yeah you you can't tell me you notice who your mother or father is if it's just the eyes in a mask now you can't there's no way you got to give me a little bit of lip or the bottom of their nose that's only think it's a little different about them sometimes Asians got different lips but the [ __ ] top of the heads is all the same yeah so if you want to commit a crime in your Asian right now yeah I would say now's the time there's no way the FBI can find you if they got those masks absolutely they're wearing those mess for long time maybe one of those mess before corner so it's like what did they know you know I'm saying like anyway knows math for a long time or does it work clearly it doesn't work yeah that's a good point the corona mask I don't think it works are you [ __ ] kidding me the masks are made in China they're [ __ ] dip in the mask in corona just spread it around it was made in a lab dude so here for me in bats those [ __ ] people eat things way more to see done to the bags Bryce you're a [ __ ] news are you read we're on the real [ __ ] calm yo actually I was thinking about that because the disease only kills old people as of now right right and who has the oldest people Chinese yeah and these people will not die right may have a problem they got to have any old-school problem maybe they're trying to get rid of people and with it I personally think that they because it under a microscope it looks the same as HIV that's what they say so therefore it had to have been made right that's a that's something uh the Nature doesn't do that man doesn't it man see something that kills and then so I'm not saying that they actually meant to do that but they somehow made that in a lab and then it got out in wuhan Klein I don't know how it got out but it got out yeah and and now it's causing problems but I can't [ __ ] take seriously you talk in science with Where's Waldo socks lemon pants on just yeah just I can't look I got Lulu so it can we put something over his socks like a [ __ ] did anyone have a washcloth we can drape over him yeah cuz I can't concentrate looking at his [ __ ] Where's Waldo son I got Lulu's on and did you say son cuz you here at Schultz did you told me to pull up I'm out of here yeah listen Mike Schultz can I know you guys pull up yes I'm sorry I didn't phrase the right choice when you call me for the next week I'm just gonna say talk to me yeah would talk to me or 191 the main one though is there's a world where yeah we've got them all yeah got insecure about that cuz someone told me that I say that um II saw it was probably you made my girl said it but basically a lot of everybody had an inside joke everybody was having inside jokes I've been trying to like rephrase that there's a world where it's good man we're not talking about the world yah TP bro so tell us there's something that's very important if any of you guys follow Yanis on on twitter man we got to support his because you know he's been going was in a blackout what I say I don't know but it was something super heavy what was it I don't know I personally loved it yeah I love the heavy stuff yeah from you yeah yeah as part of who I am yeah but yeah coming from the woods who were looking at horses this morning yeah what did I say when I came in here and you came in heavy right what I said Chris easily came from a dead body yeah I tell you right now this is what I deal with on an everyday I find the character called yani long days and it's just you know you got to deal with stuff like this every once in a while you know listen this is three o'clock in the morning actors stop boasting about your virtue you're getting so over being rich and famous for a job a child can can do for a job a child man often does he always has spelling mistakes yes Marshall middles know to lay low during after a robbery not bring attention to themselves shut the [ __ ] up like Keanu yeah we'll start to figure out the hustle Sondra I gotta bring back the character the weights on it yo and he says or else your jobs will go to criminals that make license plates and drugs like in Shakespeare's day yeah is that right criminals used to be the ones at the drops they were giving the drunks like job yeah they'd throw like hey you wanna make a couple pence they'd star in his Shakespeare Shakespeare was famous and nobody knew who the actors were the tweet is basically saying like we know what it's basically saying it's the four minutes to read the point of Twitter is to basically say in the first place you know what's the best part about wrong one of the good parts about Roman culture that we figured out while we write you discovered once so they used to if you were a criminal right and back you committed a crime you were [ __ ] by jury or peers whatever they would put you you would get to act in a play like a stage play that the Emperor would go to and if there was a scene where you got killed in the show they'd kill you for real that's how you died that was your death since you would get killed on stage in front of everybody for the art [ __ ] yeah it's kind of cool just get beheaded you'll get eaten by line I mean we're heading there that's all snacks that's a real why would you agree to do it well you have no choice you're in jail that's what you have to just stay in jail you kill me in jail you're not gonna kill me in front of the whole city my thinking they would just do it because they had respect I don't know they would I don't know it's just a thing that we read that we discovered one guy did it hey enough for me for my stories for Chrissy's world yeah he tells a story you just it could be could not you just got it whatever reality is a suggestion suggests I never know okay have you guys been to Portland yeah again yeah okay so we're in Portland doing shows this past weekend and I have never experienced ruder people mmm in my entire life hmm I was absolutely baffled we went to this place called Pine Street biscuits pine state biscuits out lesbos oh they're all lesbos because there's one that's all [ __ ] les they're all I suppose yeah and I and we go in there and there wasn't really a seating area there was like a kind of like some barstools or some [ __ ] but I want to like sit down I want to like that like service you know it's voodoo doughnuts I go up to the girl I go who's at the counter and I go hey just like curiosity can you recommend like a diner or something around here we just want to have like some like you know table service I'm like that and she goes she was uh do you smartphone I go yeah she was you might want to try typing that in it [ __ ] dude I wanted to grab her by the back of her skull and just slam her forehead with a curve ball headed into the [ __ ] counter dude I could not it was so much you know like as a comic you expect yourself to have a witty retort yeah it was a shower gas I was flattered I would I say yeah I go did that just happen like I started laughing like halfway into her statement cuz I know where it was going I was like I can't believe she say dude [ __ ] when she said do you have a smartphone I thought there was an app for good places to eat in Portland that she was gonna recommend right I was I was like yeah I do like I booked the bait yeah an idiot I took this Bay yeah I do and then just type that into your smartphone and then [ __ ] walked away do you think she recognized the walkaway bothers me cuz that she does cinnamon yeah at least I can have a chance at a really witty retort if you sit in it I had once how you [ __ ] you I had [ __ ] nut bit they're all like that dude it was unbelievable cuz you didn't bring your sword you didn't expect you didn't expect for a duel to happen I did it you were just asking for a replace it started on the way I'm on the flight over there the the flight attendant goes we have two options we have oatmeal or a creo omelet I go what's in the Creole omelet she goes eggs is there something about my face where people think they could be rude to me I'm like there's a lot about your face I realized while I'm out there is that Portland is white people without God without religion white dangerous white person that's a manger is white person because gogo they use need something to check you we need a check yes [ __ ] balance food and when I mean religion about the Crusades but they had a God and they did some come on 400 years ago that's what everybody a couple but they did way more good than bad they molested a few kids they fed like the whole world couple think about strode yeah trade those kids for the millions of people they know it's already Fillion yeah that takes Chris I'm a Catholic list and I've taken a few off the [ __ ] it knows you know that it's chairing gal mind it yes I guess what fuels charity its what fuel sharing is boys yeah ask Epstein yeah it is yeah that's science it's versus so Catherine he got molested my friends my friends yes tattoos all over my back end I still all still go to church or support it yeah there we go sin doctrine did you I respect like Catholics the way they can sort of create a safe place for themselves right like they can push down the truth and live in a place yeah well why do they have to be perfect that's why I understand like why does every single aren't people don't people sin isn't it baked into religion to people [ __ ] up it doesn't have to be the Catholicism it's wrong and has to be the people that touch the kids that are wrong yeah but that's the whole method that the priests use to win your confidence like you said no they're molesters that go what should I do so I can take advantage of kids Oh be a priest that works exactly right it's like a cover for a pedophile yes I think the whole thing is that can you do elaborate the whole thing I think the whole thing is an elaborate operation oh yeah I mean looking about cyl basketball I never got molested see why what do you mean track kids you [ __ ] you do you do basketball leagues you do schools every the kids because the kids are the money who's your [ __ ] your dad nobody whose authority can you never question whose authority would a family ever question someone you call father who talks to Jesus and bring leave your son with me we're gonna put him in school yeah we're gonna teach him there's gonna be who's gonna be with me he's under my god into my village right how do you think they were able to get away with it for so long it only came to light you know this is what years of any podcast I mean but it's like that's what they've been doing playing molestation to agree I woke up at 4 o'clock in the morning I was gonna have a [ __ ] great day and he had a tweet that said the wheels of history are greased with blood and I was like what they are you say that [ __ ] like no one knows it was telling you the purpose of the Catholic Church is to molest kids Yanis it's a cover for buildings yeah gargoyles do gargoyles yeah well what about the buildings what about the churches don't care about art kids don't care about marble cuz don't care about sculpture that is in their dark souls the architecture is a manifestation of the Dark Lord's and now it's like what you're doing the thing that you're saying they're doing you're creating this place just for them you got scripture anybody and I'll [ __ ] be a hundred percent transparent on the right now yeah oh I I had mostly great great great experiences being an altar boy playing see whale going the church growing up in a Catholic family there was a couple of instances where I would I told you I would go ask father Bill father bill asked me to get his cloak from the upstairs part of the church and I blacked out yeah so that I don't know necessarily what happened but it was a blackout and but I'm telling you even me going through that and I did that's even charitable that they make you black out and forget about it like most molesters you got to carry that [ __ ] for the rise your life don't look you don't remember anything I don't remember it was a blackout and but I do not I won't have my daughter in Catholic stuff and my body touches the heroes yeah girls my daughter's a lesbian though that's another thing though wise yeah I don't know she just acts a little gay but it's fine she's just I don't know she's just scissors the other kids [Laughter] maybe she like had one of your podcasts on in the background and she was like men are discussed manner there's no wonder she was she's now she was gay I don't care she's cute homosexual your sexual she's gonna be sexual I don't care if my child is gay at all and I actually don't care if they're trans as long as she votes to the right to the right I mean what we she already knows for every kid sure he knows are gonna be Puerto Rican on college applications white on job yeah one more fifty-fifty yeah a hundred percent that's not gonna change I know Elizabeth warning yeah it's not gonna change that's by the way we should've did when that Portland lady said use your smartphone should he just said Trump 2020 you should say that right yeah you're right she would have [ __ ] involved I didn't have [ __ ] you got for me you got your smart phone hag four more years those your America great sucks what is that what they aren't these socks yeah yeah these are this is laundry day socks I don't know why I put these puppies on there's this thing that happens to us and I don't know what the [ __ ] it is but we need some sort of like purpose because otherwise you just go like this you go well why should I be nice to this person if life is pointless yeah you need some sort of driving force at least in Seattle where they're like real hippies you have to be nice as part of that hippie culture you have to treat someone with decency right and they buy into it Portland they're not hippies just fearless hair people who are religious fear God not have no God nothing except black people and that's where al comes in handy you've got to ask all the questions in Portland yo that's something dick if you tell them but they were super nice to al super enough super nice to him they feel bad we were having this other conversation too while we're out there right because I'm really trying to understand the [ __ ] Portland was and you know how like there's this like alright bastion of like alright nests in like because its surround Oregon yeah that it's not in Portland but it's like right in Oregon is very red very red yeah good and all that KKK all that kind of [ __ ] and I can objectively say this as a white guy objectively say us those are not the best whites they make better audience members than people in Portland though I will say they'll laugh more at your joke and they're not good people I tell you something you'll crush in front of that can I tell you something audiences were amazing in Portland amazing and this is always how it is the more annoying a city the better the people you are the Tharsis for the day [ __ ] yes cuz nobody is saying it and then we go there we said they're like thank you yeah somebody [ __ ] understand so they were incredible this is nope there's nothing about the people that came out but there's something about the people there right they're like these white people like are we're white supremacist or some [ __ ] like that they're like 140-pound there's there's way better whites there in the world we know this for sure peeps are in [ __ ] Netherlands six six [ __ ] white B he best whites yeah the best whites probably right I would say Norwegians no no no no not sweet sweet sir weak their little beta but Norwegians or if you have you seen a [ __ ] Dutch uh speedskater body good bodies have you seen that body no but I'm serious yeah please check it out where do you check out speed skating Norwegians Winter Olympics not no no no we oh sorry Dutch shush go dutch I don't get specifically [ __ ] Scandinavians like I mean not today that's a Norway Scandinavia Germans are still the best white [ __ ] muscle ass male go to male I want to see a hot a nice just Dutch [ __ ] that is a nice pot so so we're figuring this out right okay okay we're in Portland and we're having this discussion I'm like why the [ __ ] right you see all the like the most racist whites Trey the most racist whites are not white supremacists we're the most progressive whites are actually white supremacist of course I'll make this point I got ya so because thing about the most racist whites are don't feel like they're supreme they're fearful the mixing to steal our jobs the black guys are gonna [ __ ] our women or take all our you know basketball [ __ ] positions etc like that they're fearful of minorities they're afraid because they don't believe they're supreme those Norwegians they're like yeah welcome come to our country black people argue learn husky come a Muslims come to our country we don't [ __ ] care we don't think you're a threat cuz the progressive whites really believe they're better and they don't why progressive American whites not only do they not see you as a threat they pity they pity that's why I hate him don't pity me [ __ ] you I [ __ ] you because you want to smoke you want to toe I'm better I haven't proved it to you and if you're giving me the way and [ __ ] you and that's [ __ ] so on some level when you look at like those racist southern hillbilly whites you actually have to look at them like no they actually see if you're a non-white person you got to would actually see me is better yeah it's a compliment yeah yeah you don't want to compete with you yeah you're bad form yeah but the people who it's like if I'm playing basketball with somebody and I'm not good but I'm much better than I look like I would be if you just letting you like if you're not playing actual defense I'm gonna put the [ __ ] who the [ __ ] are you [ __ ] you this image of this like bunch of like white races chanted up chasing a black guy in the black guy going like I'm so flattered Arianna is now as a black dude you get to prove how fast you are to catch me up yeah I think we just have white people just they've recently found out that white people are the only people on the planet that have like 2 to 5 percent in the end earth all DNA this is just a fact it's a it's maybe that's maybe we're just evil maybe we just have a vitamin D deficient in III oh you weren't here for this you weren't here for this Chrissy but we're having this conversation before the three of us and we're talking about like why America like why we're such savages here right and it's not just white so it's just we're all [ __ ] savages here in America and we chalked it up to like people that wanted opportunity or whatever it is right but it's not that we're a country of [ __ ] sociopaths we're a country of people my mother included left her entire family the only people that loved her in Scotland to never see again unless she flew him in she was totally fine not seeing her mom ever again that's a sociopathic sure mentality we have an entire country of drugs people and that's why socialism or communism doesn't make sense because when Europeans go well don't you want to take care of them and it's like I don't even want to take care of my mom yeah I don't care about them I'd care about nobody yes that's that's why all the psychosis and the crazy [ __ ] is a four year well it's here but it's in Los Angeles specifically because then even a smaller microcosm is this craziest one of those Americans yeah go to Los Angeles and then they create and then they run the media so now you think oh that there's all these problems when it's like all those people want us to [ __ ] and [ __ ] your children and suck your blood Jana said the same thing I'd be careful cuz use your alert with the line there run it and run the run in the media and just coming from that face in Ridgewood you just gone like alright just lets you run a rope like this wind gusts coming it went like this but you stay down yeah no I'm doing better because my friend is dying you know kids we were talking about this because this German okay with this girl being gay reality from a German neighborhood yeah he's mostly German and Ridgewood is a traditionally mostly German neighborhood you believe this [ __ ] I know it for a fact the Italian sitcom fails and he's got a German wild guy the crazy [ __ ] this guy's genius he's a [ __ ] don't believe it he's not a real person he's over you just keep it moving he's here for the pleasure of everybody whatever you need he will provide you with everyone and good whatever you need yeah I don't care when I go home I [ __ ] unzip my skin it's why did I just step out into something you've never seen but here's the funny thing about Germans here's a funny thing about Germans [Laughter] let's take a break for a second and let y'all know about some shows that we got coming up you know obviously those tickets are available for the special we just added those seats are made those seats available so make sure you go get those Neandertals calm orlando we'll see you this weekend shows sold out thank y'all so much after that Richmond Virginia those tickets are sold out but you can come to Virginia Beach I think we still got a few tickets left in the Virginia Beach show Charlotte North Carolina which will be that following Sunday that we still have a few tickets left for that go get those then New Jersey stress factory sold-out Minneapolis we had a second show some tickets available for that Milwaukie we got tickets available for that show as well and so do we have tickets available for Tucson and Tucson will be the last show that I do before the special the English shows calm for all these spread the word spread the flagrancy come on out and enjoy your damn cells are cost what you got man March 12th through 14th that's this week I'm going to be in Montreal Thursday Friday Saturday come through let's pack that [ __ ] out I want to destroy all the Canadian markets I know this mad Indians there in Montreal come through let's do it the day before that I'm doing a college gig in Canton New York at st. Lawrence University every time I do a college gig there's always some [ __ ] that hit me up that's like hey I live there if I'd have known how to come message me if you hear this I'll get you in we'll figure it out don't worry about it also March 27th I'm gonna be in the den theater in Chicago who must come through a cell that [ __ ] out and May 7th Vancouver I'm coming every Punjab being Surrey better be in that [ __ ] let's go Ellen it out theaters let's sell this theater out yo guys very important if you're selling anything online okay an online store you're getting rid of sneakers you're getting rid of clothing you're doing anything with regularity while you're selling online and a lot of people are using eBay using Craigslist using all these other apps whatever if you need to organize your shipping you have to use ship station comm it's very simple okay it's the fastest easiest and most affordable way to manage ship your orders just a few clicks and you'll be managing your orders 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give it to you for two months simple as that if this can help or affect your life in any way go get those for free and tell us how much you enjoyed it let's get back to the show and then you guys look like [ __ ] oh yeah you're Scott you're [ __ ] done but I say son yeah you get away with using son like maybe you know [ __ ] 44 I'm a cute [ __ ] kid I'm like a black eye you got a Tesla now so here's my point that's okay Germans were like Nazis [ __ ] Nazi cuz they never learn you know like we CK got caught Greeks okay huh lonely man every sin 1 10 15 20 % we gotta reproduce so nature's kept the 75% but anything that's evolved and smart is a little gay let's be honest nobody goes to a [ __ ] neighborhood because like all the jocks are moving there it's like the lesbians are there buy a [ __ ] house she's a good point I bet yes Amen or gay people have higher IQs and strays I'll cross the board actually because I think it's a more evolved thing I'd yeah when you start to get evolved like you honest was saying you start to have sex with every day there's an evolving no no I think it's evolving I think it's evolve cuz you're there's more holes what's the point of life well the point of life is to have a [ __ ] cute time and to make sure everything matches is so epicurean here I'll tell you this I've procreated right have a beautiful daughter yeah and I've said this before now you've stopped living now I've stopped living but I think the first 50 years of my life I'm straight I'd like to go the last 50 by the hell not you really gay would you really go gay reality is a suggest training I've never at up at a training my eyeballs did not some other kid some other kid those are brothers yeah oh look but so never never once no training I looked up at a training I'll tell you this yeah I've said before that I you know romantically I'm physically attracted to women but emotionally attracted to guys yeah you can have a good conversation I want to [ __ ] a girl for sure yeah I've never I've never done anything physically gay so I don't know that I could ever receive a dick or give a dick in an ass yeah in a guy's ass mouth mouth or mouth but I I could certainly I think find myself in relationship with the guy wanna pee that's a little holding hands or we're doing you know like I would let a guy nibble on my ear law of no problem but I think once it starts to get to sex it statements to be a vagina and it needs to be I've been born a vagina that's not gay man I gotta be honest with you that's really just driving straight you're just describing dudes hanging out yeah a little bit a we're describing friendship yeah well the fingers win in Ridgewood where I grew up that a lot any it was so I'm always asking the honesty's this gay exactly cuz like literally if you did anything that was like if I would if I would like let you wear it borrow like my basketball shorts that's it I know it's [ __ ] gay my dick was on that what are you gay or if I was like yo I got a I got a B+ to like from suckin [ __ ] and it's like whoa good grades is gay cuz that's why when I found you on it sounds like yo dude you can talk about history you could talk about your feelings it's not gay but I came from a neighborhood where it's like yo if you're not anyway if you try to kiss me I was like whoa yeah no no no I put my head down cuz he thought he was gay he was like he felt I said it's okay to like like art and like like history and then he just assumed he was gay mm-hmm and he tried to kiss me I was like no man I was too much smart yeah if it was smart then that means it's gay but even in great culture right where there's a lot of promiscuity amongst men asexual tastes like a Turkish sultan okay like I like all levels of woman okay so it's like I'll take a full woman and then anything that looks like it's getting banged out all right if you can pull it off I'm fooled its credit to you salute so you'd you'd have you hooked up with a [ __ ] no but I absolutely [ __ ] would but you want straight a blonde one hold on Freddie Portugal on one second I don't believe it I absolutely would you would hook up with a train I don't care what do I care yeah I don't know if I do anal I don't like anal when you're single you are happily man yeah I'm happily happily merrily you're saying woman for now for now you would hook up with a [ __ ] yeah 100% I'm sorry so so dick still attached just wearing make I prefer the dick because notice this about okay so we watched three clever he watch a documentary on this story back that's how you get away with doing Murray so you're like I'm about it no no no I I'm a trap if I see someone and I'm attracted to them yeah right like you're attractive yeah you eat maybe we root when it's on the ball I'll be on burger burger like a plastic piece of you're calling them not real to me they're real people no they're real people or sex real plastic saiga don't them are sexy ass who who do you like who's your face I don't know any [ __ ] name but I mean like if you ever seen her lei Li Jiang belly just kind of hot yeah it's kind of hot yeah would you take it down taking estrogen would you throw at it would you throat it I don't know if I throw it it that gets a little weird but you're asking me hypotheticals guess I'm in the moment and I'm horned up and like she looks like a woman I mean you know what how can you look like one with huge set of [ __ ] and balls that part looks like a man but you said you prefer that huh no I'm saying if I'm hooking up with a [ __ ] I would prefer that over a kind of if I knew it was kind of a created over at perfect [ __ ] right I don't know no no no they literally it's made that one's kind of like a not a real [ __ ] yeah but so this is Bailey Jay what's the man you guys should just [ __ ] lying became a man remember he's like the jacked guy but it was born a woman buck something let me ask you questions if you had the choice the guy who Ben if you had the choice yeah there's a tons maybe seal thing that's that's a transgender the way that's a choice to hook up with a male to female trans or a or a female to male trance yeah like buck angel his name's bucket yeah we just won would you hook up but if you have this is a woman you understand you know you load on your butt this idle conversation hi boyfriend let us indulge yeah this is a great one oh this is one of my favorite hi but that it was ever I've never played this one try it you're saying would you have to hook up with you mails it or female to milk us huh the female is locked everything is flopped a woman the woman has a penis the man what looks like a man has a vagina buck angel are you attracted to this this is this this young man was born with the air this is not a woman it looks like that was [ __ ] Heisenberg now that that was a woman you can't say neither cuz that that that's no I get out of it that way so here's the thing ya salute her what's tricky doesn't have a vagina he has a vagina pony girl's got a cop yo no no no she was born with the vagina vagina and so what happened hearts let me just set the parameters we're keeping original parts everything else has changed yeah so holy J people from a time that's going away pretty so this is of surgery has a full [ __ ] now here's the thing this is get cracked no thing there are certain things that I don't like if a girl or a guy has it yeah a penis is one of them penis is one of them but also hair see my rules are just now strict as yours feet so hair is a big know if there's a chick there's a chick who was working at the comedy club did you notice at helium Portland one of the girls who was taking over the dudes who's taking pictures after the show [ __ ] but has facial and everything I got a portly egg looking like anyway doesn't matter [ __ ] that is a really interesting one because I bet most people would rather Bailey J then books what does the guy know they would everyone's lying why we talked about this I said I'd rather [ __ ] everybody just why because I for me for you know like a guy I'm supportive of it all it's actually perfect it looks like a guy but it has a [ __ ] it's like yeah sorry people some people may prefer that because they were but either way who cares yeah we watched the whole neuroscience documentary we saw if even us we don't even realize we do this is subconscious at times men straight heterosexual straight men will click through porn where the girl is hot it's a born woman and the man's penis is flaccid they'll click through that what you want to see sexual your brain is sexually aroused by hard [ __ ] and big tits so that's why a transgendered woman is excitable 2 straight men and why they can jerk off because they have the big [ __ ] and they have the big tits and those are the things so so in other words a hard dick excites a heterosexual man more than a wet [ __ ] in point yes gay guys do not like trans women on a transfer man and also here's the other thing that they know is that trans porn is one of the most searched hears abhorrence try straight people so people are just lying we did this on this podcast like lies but and that an Instagram actually took down a clip but I was made the argument that [ __ ] porn is straighter because there's just more tits it's the same amount of dick and [ __ ] but two more matically can't argue with the math but the hard dick is about you imagining yourself as the person in the porn yeah and you don't want imagine yourself soft I think what the neuroscientist was saying scrambles a bunch of symbols I forget what are they say in the hood about it say again what are they saying in the hood away from me but they're saying it's scrambling a bunch of snow back to Germany dog yeah sure we learn India a very homophobic place right yeah a little bit yeah a lot of homosexuality yeah in the Muslim world it's the same thing like it's very homo it's a you talk to anyone who's been there it's like it's a very taboo thing whatever's taboo is gonna make yeah you got to admit at least when it comes to that when it comes to the homophobia and stuff like that that's that's a white people problem in the sense of we're the only ones that get in trouble for it cuz rap songs are people in Indiana hey check it go call everyone homogeneous and that it was like we love you Eminem yeah yeah because it's like this is that we live in actually one of the most progressive places on the planet liberals are afraid of right black goes back to criticize a black person ever ever ever got to know everybody's behind him including other black people that is true but also white people operating extremes mmm right so we're probably the most terrifying and hateful but also by far the most progressive hmm right there's no other group of people cares about let's just say what it is knows are the best like think about like there is this thing about like environmentalism and all this got me Native Americans care about that [ __ ] but that's baked in they gotta care but do you really think they give a [ __ ] about environmental no [ __ ] like modern Native Americans I don't know modern day I modern debt maybe back in the day because they're like living off it whatever but you were connected to Americans were also like they were just Scott they've the [ __ ] horrendous [ __ ] to their people too especially is tribalism well some of them didn't some of them did I mean they used to [ __ ] scalp their own toe and wild the Comanches would lie Wow but it's like all the white man gave you smallpox yeah we did guy real would you like to cut out your [ __ ] your rival tribes organize reason you know history so you can say the point you never let me get out let me get to the job we got it yeah say whatever I want swear on my daughter okay I would never lie I voted for Obama twice and I voted for Hillary but make no mistake come November Trump is good for Hillary it is not a safe thing in this [ __ ] world that hasn't changed me from the fact that try Hillary's I wish I could vote right now yeah you wouldn't vote for my friend who's gonna die just like Bubbe he said can we edit that out the Hillary part that's gonna hurt on numbers well I vote for him I don't know Hillary's just I did vote for her Wow I wasn't enlightened yet but now it's like now I get the liberal [ __ ] it you know I don't [ __ ] now I'm like okay I'm not gonna sit here and judge people for who they vote I you know I don't judge people how they vote or their sexuality we're too judgmental now you think that's a free country everyone want to feel about Catholics huh of a system that is set up for pedophilia there's no question you if you were a queen of doors Lord what would your castle look like great [ __ ] point and you got me it's so funny it's so funny what Yanis what you're honest and I talk because it's like you know we talk all the time you know or in the park is wheat all the time and he's always like the same things like the Greeks did this the Greeks invented that they do this and almost like yeah but nobody cares people don't care about the Greeks at all it's all about the Irish in the Italian what have you done from you know what have you get some right so we are the al-basri of country here oh I just talk about the glory days all the time it's parrot was it's for the French the same way yeah and Egyptians all the Ori of you guys are living in the past your museums dude you're [ __ ] Museum culture and it's really weird and Italy's about to be there it's German interesting thing though that he went with it because his last name is de Stefano yeah oh yeah all the bits about your father don't tell anybody that was in the Italian version in this version he pushed them into imeem you're you are german german kid from ridgewood all right let's take a break for a second we gotta pay some bills here we fix cereal we fixed it we fix cereal not when I say cereal I'm talking about breakfast cereal you know that thing that we ate in the morning that had so much sugar and carbohydrates that we would go to school and then the school would say that we had a TD when we didn't really have a TD we just had so much sugar or carbohydrates that we were just literally methed out at school do you remember that that's why we couldn't learn anything okay they cook all the [ __ ] out of cereal magic spoon it's a company you might have heard me talk about before they sent me the four cereals that they have they're [ __ ] delicious they're healthy their Kido their Kido okay there's no gluten in these things let me get all the different things they have they have a the cocoa flavor the fruity flavor the frosted flavor the blueberry flavor all right zero sugar twelve grams of protein only three net carbs in each serving okay you know me I'm off the bread I cereal absolutely dee-licious keto friendly gluten free grain free soy free so men you're not growing no titties out there low-carb GMO free magic spoon is where it's at absolutely delicious I love the fruity one I love the frosted one and I love that Coco that blueberry ain't bad either if you go to magic spoon ma GIC SPO and.com slash flagrant they're gonna send you the variety pack with free shipping you go get that free shipping go get this cereal if you got kids make sure they're eating decent stuff okay that's what's most important make sure you know it's your kids it's going to your kid's body if you enjoy a nice bowl of cereal put some good stuff in your body it's fantastic it's absolutely delicious you're my girl still loves like the sugary cereals and I started eating my like I'm 35 I can't do this bro you can't have that much sugar but it tastes so good it tastes so good so they found a way to get around that they say it's perfect magic spoon calm slash flagrant go get it now let's get back to the show I didn't know it was a German neighborhood till I met you know this is creamer in the rock was like a bad guy and then I became like the hero yeah that's your doing man I don't even got the hair dude this is amazing I like to just get out or do it yeah like I tweeted the other day that I [ __ ] it bombed on Jimmy Kimmel Oh baby and I just people like why would you do that it's like cuz what am I gonna do [ __ ] it fake like that did a story awesome everybody who's listening because again I would have noticed a lot of times we do on podcast especially comedians is we act like everybody listening is in our tiny little bubble of a [ __ ] world most people don't even know Jimmy Kimmel has stand-up on it good call okay so breakdown you go out to LA right I go to Los Angeles you all the podcast you're killing it do all the pockets I mean I'm on oh you're on a high I'm having good I mean yeah like I'm swinging yes just right ft honest here yeah it's left left behind why'd you leave them behind just literally I got in the / I was like just take me to Rogen studio now does he get me they just got stopped by Israeli security on the way a Jew it's American security now Odilon severe Israeli guys no no no no all Navy SEALs okay Tim said they were guys Israeli guys all body we're gonna [ __ ] work okay so not good you're out there you go to Jimmy Kimmel to do the stand-up now most stand-up most late-night shows you do stand up in front of the audience that the late-night show is being recorded yes not Kimmel not Kimmel and you're at the end usually of the show like any type of other late night - Tonight Show Jimmy Fallon whatever you're at the end of the show the audience is warm there's been a whole show and then like hey we're gonna have some stand-up it's been great that this is in Las Vegas at Jimmy Kimmel's comedy clubs right so they will pump the stand-up into the actual show when it airs but in the moment you're at Jimmy Kimmel's comedy club now it's 300 people packed sold-out show of course they're free tickets to watch it - a taping TV taping you do five minutes you have to do the five minutes that you already got approved okay so you can't really deviate the first just - just to let everybody know the late-night five minutes is highly scrutinized every single word every single word and they're these Booker's do they will quote unquote help you with your set so people who've never done stand-up comedy before in their lives will be like hey maybe you should try this word yeah maybe do they do a lot of that editing is that all that yeah it is your set yeah you can't say this you can't say that right you know it's a very unnatural environment that's why people don't enjoy it we don't enjoy but usually I've done other late-night sets it's in front of a hot audience they are told to laugh and they know what's happening this show is at a comedy club so it's already one strike again sweets had a big cavernous comedy club Jimmy Kimmel's comedy club it's a nice enough room but it's cavernous and big high ceilings just not good for comedy Kimmo who's never done stand-up zoom has his own comedy club maybe add I don't know if he huh I never knew him to be us don't know I don't know actually from the man show and it was really funny before he did the late-night stick I got to be with a man show like he was fun Adam Carolla he's a stand-up yeah yeah you know Adam Carolla does stand-up comic in the stand-up he's not like even a real Adam does it but he's like more of like a radio guy like that's his like background backer but he does he Adam as well yeah you can tell he's doing bits like I've heard him on radio in a reason you can tell this guy's working on material he's got honey balsamic he operates in bits even you talk to him person-to-person I could do a bit it's kind of odd yeah so so this one they don't have a warm-up comic yeah well they had a warm-up comic who did like three minutes right and warm-up comic is usually like playing games with the audience hey we're gonna have it TV tape yes to get the audience exactly warmed up because at the beginning of a does it doesn't so what happened was the little warm-up comic guy went out three minutes whatever bombed then then his sister who I had no idea does standing me Kimmel great actually she's sweet girl I did a show in Tempe with her yeah Joakim oh she opened for me I didn't realize it jimmy kimmel sister i was like oh she's really nice and i found out later as jimmy kimmel sister yeah she goes a tour dick yep just took a hot one and then and then and then and then brought me out right up chrissie right up to the you notice podcast the hyenas of history so so as I'm going out I kind of just know that this is going to be easy it was one of those when you clap when you go out on stage you know like they stopped clapping before I even got to the mic on a late-night show so I'm like yeah keys so I come out and I had a thing of mine I was like maybe she just do crowd work and just then maybe I should warm them up and then do the SEPA I was like they was yes if about five minutes and I said rude to be honest with you the truth of the reason why I really didn't do it as I was taking a red-eye flight to get the [ __ ] out of Vegas in two hours so like I kind of don't want to miss my flight say your travel plans are why you bombed behave well because I already knew that the views on Theo Vaughn's podcast and fighter in the kid were gonna be twice maybe three times as much as Jimmy Kimmel and I knew that I had done the work why went out there I did the work that benefits me yeah this is like I don't want a bomb and I don't want it to be bad but I kind of don't care I mean I why everybody don't care also for those who don't know doing late night sets back in like the 80s change your life your career Johnny Carson could change your life now it's not almost opinion yeah I usually the worst version of myself right out to an audience who doesn't really care about here I dress like I would never dress telling jokes how I would never tell them yeah and you delay my attention realistically done for your like numbers of ticket sales zero zero zero zero why did you do not a thing so you go up you decide not to do a minute a crowd work to where I must as you would miss your flight but yeah and so I go out there yeah what's the first joke the first joke was um well first of all yeah I was like I kind of like played it down I was like I was like yeah I was like give it up for Jill give it up for Jill and then it was just like Shh and then and then nobody clapped and then I was like and then I was like well that's the best when you think like and then I'm about to turn it out and then I was like I'm on Jeannie I was like Jimmy Kimmel cute like that zero yeah and then I was like so I was like do you think more people need to get punched in the face nobody said anything and I was like okay and then I just and then I did the bit and it got ok and then I did a bit about the next bit was about a cousin of mine having a peanut allergy and that really ate a dick and then three minutes actually a great bit thank you as much as I'm having fun with you bombing with you taking the bombing jokes instead of me yeah three minutes three minutes into my late-night TV set I said you guys [ __ ] suck I said that Chris Wragge a curse word you work I'm sure they'll edit it out right that was like you guys so then that bombed and then I continued the set and then I just got off in the middle of kind of like half a [ __ ] laugh at what I thought was going to be the same closer well I actually wound up doing my closer from my hour set that I'm gonna do that wasn't approved by Kimmel just to be like they're not gonna let me just try something and that pumped right so I was just like so then I get off stage and the producer is like oh man he was like don't war he was like how it was I was like that crowd [ __ ] stinks and he was like don't worry well pump laughs into it I said you better air that thing as the bomb that it is love it I said the last thing I ever want is you to pump laughs into that I said it's got to be truthful I said this is why this format [ __ ] blows yeah I was like because yesterday I was able to tell the truth about myself for two hours and it was great so it is your truth so it's like so it's like five this five minute [ __ ] that I just had to do I said I regretted in doing it he goes the first comic always say except more stories you ever feel it's tough one dude I need to listen that Bodkins just so you guys can go back and forth one time I was catching a monkey with her or you know or I [ __ ] tell you the truth it's either I sell the ticket or I don't know that's why we balance each other out so well yes because I think I come to real right and he bounces out with just fun it doesn't matter if it's real or not right because like I just it's like mine I sometimes I'm too real and yeah sometimes he's not real at all so it's like it's a fun BAM it's honor of the balance yeah all right so about the by the way I want to say real quick if Jill hears this IV you're great I just it was just a situation where I was like everybody ate a dick but you were saying Brad Williams from the adidas toward portlet which [ __ ] that blows do not go and I'm like Chrissy what's going on is everything okay like my god I was concerned concerned sure and you're like yeah you know I did bad at Joe Hart I everybody suck Brad Williams called me said he [ __ ] killed and I was like you know what buddy I don't want to hear that you killed right now what I should have done his bold you tone it to the audience [Laughter] got my slingshot Shelby do not take it from him yeah yeah I mean it was just I mean it was literally one of those things where I hope it goes so bad it's one of those things first of all I tweeted it out and it's the most favorited retweeted tweet I've ever had Twitter let me know that so now it's like I actually have a chance if people may be watching this set I told case scenario is that you bomb on one of those things yeah we think if I crush nobody's gonna care at least now the BIC oh I'm gonna watch when this guy comes out yeah I mean it's just it takes it yeah it's just I mean that's the way to kill a late night actually this bad let me watch other clips and then you go see the clips in the control area yeah dude that's the beauty right now of clips and I'm not trying to like tap into whatever the [ __ ] but when you have proof that you're funny out there and I think does it matter as much in a day you had one thing on the innocent matter anyway you decided good one who cares no the fact of the day there was one thing to decide if you were good or not right the last average person yeah now you have a million things right show somebody if you have this shitty set doesn't matter they go check out the 911 story they check out these different lines this guy's a funny dude we have so much more control of like how we're perceived out there do you remember when our friends would have a bad late night set dude it's like funeral who's the guy with like a Twitter that did Kimmel ha Rob Delaney London he's in London doing TV boring as [ __ ] they love that expunged like that say again he how did he get it expunged from the internet Christopher do you have any idea yeah you gotta told me there are some Jew on a set it's gonna be good I can't wait just now I'm more excited to have a watch party yeah the only problem that I'm excited to see it the only problem that I'm thinking about is maybe it didn't go that bad as I thought it did in my head and it's gonna be like oh now it just looks like a mediocre set but in my eye fell the others worse I felt the box if it's mediocre that's it's it's not as good as a bomb I'm hoping for a bomb I'm hoping it's a bomb No yeah you need to have if you have people I don't if you have people you need to have them make sure they don't pump in laughs they don't do any I told them to make sure not to because if you see a comic not getting last he bombed yeah yeah yeah yeah and I hope that they leave I hope they just bleep out you guys [ __ ] suck as opposed to editing out completely yeah yeah that's it's so funny that if they tried not there and you call them and say come on give me this give me the body for a buck you know everything is on its head right now we live in a reality that's kind of on its head well everything is wild right now yeah like a bomb on late night is a success and it really is yeah because it is so fabricated right and they could make anything look good that you want to show them the truth because that error is over that error it's so transparent that that era was contrived now because you have something to compare it to which is this how do you trying themselves all about shining through yeah what are you doing that shines through sometimes bombing is more authentic and authenticity we're gonna do it first Marina Philadelphia that like it was a prophetic thing I mean like even you know I use I use your 9/11 story as an example for a lot of time for comics about like like creating a funnel for yourself on the Internet yeah it's like you never had a funnel you had things but nothing really drew people in no and then once you get a funnel all the sudden there's one thing that pulls everybody into your life and now you have these other things that they can go digest yeah and that's what I've always tried to create with myself on the internet wasn't just like clips there's a reason why I told you not to put out the whole special yeah you know it was if you create the clips they're just other opportunities for a funnel you know Chris D'Elia has a joke about these drunk girls that he tells me every year it goes viral again so new groups of girls are finding this joke and then there's another part of him doing that joke I move started in LA 2007 I remember a joke and it's crazy and it's like one of these toy stores like one is first bits and be like that's very funny the act out is so strong whatever but hearing that goes viral all the time now twelve hours it continues to it so it's like now you have the funnel and you know you know for me maybe it was the women and food joke that I had you remember that yeah that was one like 441 or like the crowd work special but that was really the thing that opened what your what you're talking about the fun who everybody wants a funnel but what you need more than funnel is other thumb to go to man Jordan that's where the podcast is so important are putting out weekly consumes them a place to go to check you check out with boom everywhere you see it instantaneously it's like I bet right after that story hit you start selling some tickets hell yeah right it was almost he was selling tickets before to from pop-up girls got to eat you sold out yeah but I wasn't selling his boyfriend but adding theater shows and all that that's nine Elijah yeah and I'll tell you the comedies I did that story on my Comedy Central our special and it kind of just came and went because I had to do it their way you know the camera angles and ooh can't say this we don't want to offend you know it's said I did a drunk at the comedy saw on 9/11 yes ain't a [ __ ] with their camera and it went viral and because it was so wait a minute you owe your career to brown people yes yeah thank you soon what bothers you more in your careers you think I am I told you I've told you this [ __ ] bromine literally number one woman I mean it's chubby Indian women I [ __ ] love chubby the audience right you have to I told you I [ __ ] I'm always with a chubby Indian girl I love Indian people I [ __ ] love you guys you know we paid you back absolutely I appreciate it yeah I love it point is you had a vote I can't deal with yeah yeah yeah I don't know I mean every time an Indian restaurant opens in Bay Ridge I'm like what are we doing here nobody wants to [ __ ] just put up pizzeria or bagel stri me what is this Viet routes get the [ __ ] outta you're actually scared to live in a world with no racism what's that gonna be like what do you mean well it's like everything's you guys are doing German and Italian and I'm not even making a joke I don't give a [ __ ] about German Italian but to you guys it's like a big deal as we become more like I guess homogenized or whatever we'll still find the German Italian thing Indians do it yelling give a [ __ ] when you have no enemy it's like when you have no enemy it's a you don't know what to do with you look at the people who have no enemy they created that antiva creates an enemy you're always gonna create in the end of good we'll find it we'll do it with eye color always do this yeah I can hairline so what girls do to each other cuz cuz race is back now you hear and you just like are we still doing that what racism it's kind of like [ __ ] boring not if you haven't heard some good old racism what does Cologne and our source Bravo's trending on Twitter yesterday was people were calling it the come flu what are the funniest Corona nicknames you've heard the flu aronia Vilas everybody goes through their shoes almost like yeah I can't go there because the Oriental owned the Oriental lung the Oriental one right it's good someone on that ticket called it Hong Kong fluey and I thought fantastic good jokes agree I'm talking about like actual real racism kind of like what do you mean it's like when someone like truly like killing people cuz I totally hate when they're trying to give you their mantra see how we're doing a bit and then you come in with see how is happening yelling yeah our Park is just a constant me say something to series that him just yelling I'm gay yeah yeah you got it that's a good podcast but we also talk about history yeah we talk about history as well I yeah I don't know man it's a good point I [ __ ] everybody yeah what was the see how you did that man having Hong Kong fluey cun-cun Colonna yeah I took the era of fun we're gonna go through it everybody goes through it it's just what it is there's a I got well what about [ __ ] Inc off [Laughter] no good more no nothing there's call me something thank us on yeah well I can't think of any good racism right now there's gotta be something good yeah Slaney sickle cell we're just doing any different all right let's go we got this let's do this Coogan car was [ __ ] good it's good who can call school like a German anime character yeah yeah oh that cold what is it clothes i cold and we can get better all right well we're starting with the gugak off it's all gonna go downhill on a roll no cuz the watch controls the asia what do we got asian so we're getting too far away from it Keukenhof was good it's got to be punny the brainstorm meeting at Ronny Chang their play on Orient Express or infamous oriental how about chopstick is pretty good Hong Kong fluey I like almost one Kong flu small like smallpox yeah alright guys let's take a break for a second there is a company that we've been talking to him for a while it was a product that I had to try before I okayed it for the podcast I had to have my expert my PhD give a try as well to make sure it was legit because it seems almost too good to be true but the company's called power dot and [Applause] essentially I'll let the doctor here explain doctor saying what what do you say about this power to thank you for having me on the ship course absolutely and now I'm gonna be honest when you talk to me about it I very Indian Lee was like I'm kepta collector and i legit did research okay and there's two kinds of technology there's EMS which is like electro muscular stimulation or something and then tens and tens is the one I looked into first and foremost because that's about recovery and in any workout you do you recoveries the most important thing right one of the reasons I never get any bigger is because I'm [ __ ] sore after every workout for like two or three days this is clinically proven I literally looked into my insurance plan they approved ten stimulation for pain management and recovery really like that yeah if you're in pain you can use this kind of technology tense one of the two technologies to help you not be in pain it works for muscle recovery right chronic back pain any of that kind of stuff this works now these are the dots you put these on your muscles you attach that thing and then this is this is the power control you also have an app that controls it so you just turn this on it is it's like the old Electra Matic magnetic stimulation thing they're like Bruce Lee used but the difference is they combine that with this tens technology and that's what separates it from okay so basically we work out our muscles get torn apart in order for our muscles to build they need to recover cover what are all HGH those performance-enhancing drug all those things are just speeding up recovery covery aids their recovery it's that's all they do they just increase cell growth now some people go get massages after workouts you see a lot of athletes a dozen Russell Wilson yeah all these athletes you always see them on the massage cher concert massage and it's literally trying to massage those muscles back to health this thing the power dot same thing that's what it does it stimulates it but even faster because it's using electricity yes which for some reason is better than hands always faster than manual anything electric is faster than man you great point Alex Tesla exactly yeah I'm right facts and a cool thing is when I got injured when I was in law enforcement yeah when I went to physical therapy technology and I had to look into Howard odd it's called by the way don't look up tens there's that's a strip club that they have I think in Queens there's a strip club in Queens I don't believe so maybe not twins but sinister starlets this is strip club you look into it research it power dot no but keep going yeah if you look up that technology it's legit studies say it's legit the insurance companies they're not covering anything that doesn't work I mean they're not money at health insurance companies right so it's this is a must be legit look guys go recover faster we got an offer for the US customers only 30-day trial plus an additional 20% off for our listeners okay go to power dot-com slash flagrant power dot-com slash flagrant okay use the code flagrant at checkout twenty percent off your order again that's power do t-dot-com slash flagrant and use the code flagrant for twenty percent off let's get back to the show bubonic plague I think there's something there something in bubonic plague yeah I think it could be but it goes back to the guqin pub but it's go conic play I think I can I get canceled for cooking coffee no okay time honey nobody is cancer in you that's what I was telling Shane I was like bro if that came out a few months later your to TV at this point man oh yeah you're like under you're like Donnie Brasco for saying things like that you're a but you know what though it's weird because like I keep going on dish you don't have to worry about this one no but I keep getting like you know TV by the cartoon and development now on Comedy Central they're like you know we know the podcast it's fine wow really I say wild [ __ ] I think it like it's fun if you landed something then that they don't dig back it's like some guy like some independent guy I almost feel like we're past that to where it's like I know how to tell you yeah I hope so you know yeah why why don't more cancellations call me central um because they told me that I don't have to do like give up anything or like you keep doing the podcast keep doing the internet stuff like we're just it's really no it's minimal work fee we wrote we had wrote in the script the script was wrote written last year something like where they bought it gave me a full 22 minute pilot so you know I still the thing is with TV there still is some money in TV so I still can cash it as just Comedy Central money that's not convenient so you just well that's think it's not a convenience it's all in New York New York or LA no I just don't check that and it's a they told me that most you'll have to do is if we get too serious the most don't have to do is two hours two to three hours twice a week from a sound booth in New York oh no no but though the work is gonna be great is just like if it's a passion of yours to have this show and you won't have multiple seasons Comedy Central is not the place to do it well the thing is though I know with the money it is interesting because the money is like even we were talking when I was on fighter in the kid like yeah it's like Bryan Callen said it on his own podcast he was like yeah man he was like I mean I like doing ABC shows he's like but it's not even comparable to the money I get in podcasting in the fans I get in podcasting yeah he's like I'll sell a thousand tickets wherever I go plus it's only fighter in the kid faith understand it's very very true it's a wild thing to think about its economy central shocks me how [ __ ] [ __ ] they are because like they have two shows that work on that network right and they're the most edgy shows like South Park and Tosh Tosh right they're the two shows that are literally decades long decades long but sexist racist homophobic like they're literally all the [ __ ] up jokes most flagrant shows that would exist on that network work every other show sucks the Comedy Cellar show gets a point zero three rating really thirty thousand people watch it crazy okay now that's crazy you would think that they would go edgy like the other two shows that work on the channel they refuse to go they picked it up probably aren't there any more people greenlight it's just a bunch of dorks hanging up bro they bought Sam a real special there pumping yeah they'll figure it out boys all it's on the I mean why would you give ads to a TV show anymore right like just give us the others now right there I went so Book of Mormon by the way Oh chase about South Park guys yeah no comedian should have an ego at all because the South Park guys are so much better than everyone else who does comedy right there they fly above everyone I mean right that thing is a musical dog I was dying lat like I was great barreled over number one eye contact for 22 years ago I watched Book of Mormon right after watching Book of Mormon or while I'm watching it I go there's nothing I say that should get me canceled ever yeah they have a baby rape joke yes that is recurring and called back to in that it gets an applause break gets it by all Jewish women yeah that's the only people who watch Broadway right or musicals yeah Hansol old people don't cancel that's a thing I guess you're right maybe if young people actually saw it but the young people are so infatuated with southpark Muse a smart show sitter whatever it doesn't matter the point is if you're not willing to cancel that you're not willing to cancel that's good coffee that's brings I've forgot to mention this the guy who is dying who I went to go see right before this 65 year old ooh should we call him is dead we could I don't know he might be dead that's why I think yeah yeah he so he was saying he goes what I've noticed about people laying on my death bed is how much of this world and specifically his country is all talk he was on some of our friends that we started with like I mentioned some names I want to front and shout him out is that all they do is write on Facebook about how much they love me and about how much you know this and then he said they live in New York and not one of them has come see me he's like you didn't write a single thing and he said and I bet you people would say if they you know he said they could say because he was like you know out of all of us he's like you know your career you have the one that has a career he's like they may say oh wow Chris doesn't give a [ __ ] about you he didn't donate to your GoFundMe or whatever and he's like you came and physically saw me yeah he said and that's what you are cut he like God enough strength to like get this because he could barely hear but he was like oh this whole country is because his son was there his son is 25 years old he was like oh I hope when I go to his son he was like I hope you don't talk I hope you do and I was like wow because it was like I feel like all your generation is talking nobody's doing anything that's the down that's the dark side I hope you don't talk I hope that's exactly what he said to me in a [ __ ] gave me the chills that's the dark side to the internet because everyone surprised Yanis is talking about the dark side because the dark side the Internet everyone's pretending to care and they they don't they don't care everyone's lying it's like nothing's real and it's like so when you say something real it just seems yeah it seems [ __ ] like this beauty of it for us and say what the [ __ ] you want who cares well the story here these people it's a story about my dad that is true like it's not fabricated this is just it's not even funny when Hurricane sandy happened and the Santa Island got destroyed my dad lived inland and on the coast was all like the bungalows it was like mostly like Hispanic families that got their [ __ ] [ __ ] rocked my dad would rent a u-haul truck or a van every day and go hell them load their stuff in and out take the kids to school he had one family live with him for like a week but my dad is my dad old-school guy from the Bronx when they would load this when they were staying at the house like the guys the father's name was Jose he would call him Juan he would tell the kids I'd get on steal my silverware all like little jokes he's like you play baseball how do you play baseball like all just things were like a woke warrior would be like you cannot do that like Shaun King would be like do not yeah you're not doing [ __ ] you're yelling a lot but my dad was like I'm physically taking these people in you know he's like granted like every time they came to the house he's like let me see passports and whatever but he was like still he's like taking them in I mean I think they weren't there he's kept him in the garage to go home in the living room we live in this weird time where they don't value you built an extra room to buy just a space here there he said you can sleep here but I'll give you a [ __ ] donkey to get school ya interpersonal relationships pay nothing now no it's it's an all-time low like it used to be back in the day right it was I know that person right he said something wild one time but I know him sure I've got a good guy there's context he probably didn't mean that now it's you say something one time that defines you as an individual no matter what you did with the rest of your life all right you know I mean like Schindler was probably said some [ __ ] up things at the beginning of the movie didn't give a [ __ ] about any of it he did it so imagine we just judge Schindler yeah by the beginning of the movie like [ __ ] babe Gandhi had 12 year old girlfriends and wives that's true he didn't have twelve-year-old wives no he had but he did cheated right he had some girls right and Maher Luther King used to beat the [ __ ] out of his wife he cheated cheated what he just said is a hundred times harder than anything I've said but the kid has charm he throws it in here [ __ ] Wiggles I say something you guys are going whoa whoa what you wouldn't Yanis you're killing the room he's gone Martin Luther Krank killed his wife who [ __ ] his fists and you guys we're just going well just go and that's what he did no you're gonna get cleaned safe killed his wife with his fists Yanis just let me say it no no Brad my point is is that everybody's got something bad about them I mean you could do such a nice perfect like a Hitler is that such an atrocity I don't give a [ __ ] what he did it's like what you what he did he's out but normal people this is like I'll find one thing bad or good about everybody forgets that they have grandparents when they're on Twitter right if you just ask yourself if your grandfather or grandmother has said anything worse than the person you're cancelling before you cancel them you will know the answer very simply yes my grandma or grandpa said some wild [ __ ] [ __ ] I still love them they're still good people I'm not gonna cancel them simple as that yeah yeah you know it's just it's a weird time where like you just can't know somebody it kind of sucks you know what it is you know what I think I'll again really sucks being a father you know it works when you get something no they can't cancel you if you're not trying to get something well if you're on this world yeah but I think like being a dad like because you always think like what am I going to teach my child how do I set examples for my child and it's like the world gets smaller when you become a parent and I think a lot of people they don't have kids or like they have a lot of time on their hands yeah where they're like look like when how old is your mom when she had you 35 well she was older okay so my mom was young 21 but she didn't have time to be like I'm mad at everything because she was like I got this [ __ ] child to raise it's like when you become a parent you're like yo honestly that sucks that that happened to you the more I tell my kid when my daughter asked me stuff when we have real conversations I'm like anybody whatever matter what they look like what religion era you treat them with kindness and respect that's all you do so I feel like if I'm doing that and we make it small like that it's like yeah I know there's atrocities happening in [ __ ] Syria and I'm sorry didn't we'd about it today Nannette but I [ __ ] teaching my child that any who comes in contact with her should you know you treat them with kindness and respect unless they're Asian not wearing a mask anybody else you try to find this in respect yeah and then so I'm like so what am I doing wrong then so you can you could say I said that I said that but if I'm telling my kid to do and I'm making her life smaller what's the problem then but but but if I said that to some somebody who wants to visual deck well no that's gonna solve the problem so [ __ ] you here's why you suck click click click Blagh Blagh Blagh money money money so it's like it's all [ __ ] anybody who's loud with stuff like that that's not a comedian that's and I'm like I don't trust you at all you're going off about like this you know [ __ ] on whatever race you are being like this is the problem it's like shut up why do you want the attention again guy yeah why do you want me to care about who you are inside of the Internet is the extremes flourishing both sigh you can't forget the other side too it's like those Patriot Prayer people like they don't see they're just as more the same person no different neighborhood still get messages about like people don't like my politics trying to like cut me down from the right wing because I lean left it's like they're the same [ __ ] person except they carry ak-47 the other ones carry milkshakes it's the same thing [ __ ] you just like there's something wrong with you my father has an eighth grade education literally eighth grade [ __ ] street education when Twitter came out whatever 2008-2009 when I first started comedy that's when I think I think was 2009 he was like you see his Twitter [ __ ] and I was like yeah he goes this is gonna be the biggest problem ever for our country and I was like why he goes because not everyone's supposed to be talking hmm not everyone's supposed to have a voice not everyone's supposed to have a voice you have to be an you're not entitled to an opinion yeah he said you gotta earn a public of yet he was like I'm not supposed to hear from everybody now all these idiots are gonna start talking we're gonna have problems and no Brice tuning in to like a well-reasoned tweet or personnel [ __ ] is boring no no question yeah what's weird about Germany oh yeah about German yeah what you got tonight I never got to that point yeah let's finish on that go it's this is what's fascinating me about Germans is like like louis c.k he apologized but he apologized cuz he got caught right like he didn't like he didn't like evolved before that and be like hey you know pretty you know I shouldn't like it when I tell you something hilarious yeah it'd be funny finish this episode and I never get to do that I know this is really hilarious yet if you go to the cellar and you go to the stairs that we walk down to perform right and there's head shot pictures of all of us right the headshot picture of Louie that's on the stairs I know he's another one that's probably down but on the stairs it's actually close to mine is of him in a hotel room sitting on the bed kind of like weirdly looking at the tourists right dude it is so [ __ ] hysterical next time you go to the cellar just take a pic it's so funny anybody going germs yeah he thanks for listening everybody guys check out history Hyogo so you think the Germans are not remorseful no it's they're not remorse it's like they didn't like you know when you get caught and you just that's why you're like hey let's just pretend like you just just stops he did say it wasn't like they evolved past and their way wow that was really wrong what we did yeah it was kind of like everyone just kind of went quiet like who all of Ridgewood was like you know they hit all their Nazi [ __ ] they like put it away yeah like they weren't like you know what that that whole thing was just erroneous thinking we were wrong they were going like we got caught yeah but like they still want to do it you think like Louie Louie doesn't not want to jerk off in front of girls in Nice powder yeah I mean it's like he got caught I feel like the only reason he's back on stage is to get big enough that everybody knows and he can just do it I mean what he did is innocuous in the grand scheme probably takes away some of the pleasure it's just like what's in the realm of like what's socially acceptable sexually because it's like jerking off he's six feet away jerking off more like you can't do that but I'll let you come on my face yeah I just don't it's like I'll take one off the island but if you're jerking off over there that's inappropriate it's like lady I just [ __ ] let you're corny but it was very consensual you know talk essential right think there's a there's a little bit I don't know a person who's a little bit of like oh sorry of it like not the girl doesn't want it a little bit that's kind of like don't don't got it on him now I don't think that's fair because I was at I was at I was at jfl and I'm not gonna say which female kind but I had a couple female comics tell me that they were there in Aspen when it happened that's one incident though the other incident where he was jerking off on the phone let me just say I don't know it let me say that's not cool no what do you mean that's not cool you know me girls have been fingering themselves on the phone with me and then they just start going hey want to know what I'm doing right now don't but that's the same [ __ ] different no no it's not different why is it different it's kind of like if you hook up if you're a 16 year old kid you hook up with a female teacher it's a geyser creepier than girls would you leave your kid with a guy babysitter or a girl baby I would never have a guy babysitter but nobody ever would of course because it's different actually I had one when I was a kid I'm and I like really to my parents as an adult about I was like why you say we're called him from Scotland and we left our family I was a [ __ ] money but uh but yeah but I there was a female colleague told me she was there and they asked me and the other girls were telling her that that weekend in Aspen at the Comedy Festival they were all laughing about it it was not this tragedy where they were like victims they were laughing amongst the girls together do you oh my god do you know what happened blah blah blah blah I mean I heard other things where like they were like taking pictures and it was funny and she's like it was a complete goof and then it turned into this tragedy after the fact so I I think in the grand scheme it's not a big deal I know you saw Pete Davidson special and that you feel sorry yeah I'm just going on that side now yeah I know you rock no I and I think I think no I don't I he peeped through Louie under the bus for some news number one don't give a [ __ ] atomic maybe 50 year-old man cover to work I don't want to [ __ ] up weed all over the place as I'm about to do all this uh what about to have a [ __ ] what does a comment give a monologue monologue get a model alone herself maybe one of the biggest moments in his [ __ ] career and you're coming in and there's weed all over the place or even I don't that's funny going to draw the line like that was great I mean he's not it's like he went out of his way to snitch on him and nobody likes they think the joke took a little too long buddy buddy doesn't like snitches it's a louis c.k snitching it's gotta be Louie all I'm saying is if you're a 50 year old man or Wow / the [ __ ] of Louis I can understand if you don't want kids smoking weed when you come to [ __ ] work right yeah that completely makes sense ya know do you tell about that I don't know do you tell Lauren do you tell he told Lauren I'm the type of guy where I go directly to the perfect guy that's what I do but not everybody's gonna do that most comics are [ __ ] [ __ ] let's be honest yeah well how often have you seen comics clear the morning Louis doesn't even like sex with the person he would rather do that maybe maybe that's what it was but I still some Senate [ __ ] I'm with Pete on that for sure we don't even know if it's a true story because even if Louie came out was like it's not sure we won't be like shut the [ __ ] up you [ __ ] pervert yeah it's true is it nothing's [ __ ] George and take your dick out you know it's interesting how the world has changed cuz he wasn't saying this to me but I heard him say this and I'm sure he's fine if I say this because it's a positive thing yeah he was I heard him say when when this whole [ __ ] went down he would be sitting on the train and people would [ __ ] say awful things to him like accusing him you're a rapist accusing him of [ __ ] that's like whoa whoa that's [ __ ] not even remotely true yeah but I didn't being accused of that but people are so crazy he said nothing's changed all I've done was gone away and world the world has continued he said and now people come up to me ninety five percent people come up on the train or in public and say I'm sorry that happened to you or welcome back happy to see you again he said it may be the same people so it's just like this mob mentality one way or another I have the mob as idiotic you know fast food we're at the Patrice O'Neal benefit he did a popin he had a standing ovation when he walked on I believe you know when he was Shawn what he did in the grand scheme is it's not even a crime it's not well it's not that bad it's not a crime but let me ask you this let me even pose this this is just this is just a question yeah we have a justice system in this country right we believe in we pay tax and I know it's unfair to certain groups I don't know who those groups are no kidding I know fair I know what it's unfair and I understand all that let's take a guy like Bill Cosby right what he did was heinous he was in our system he was put through the service of the law and all that he does his full ten years whatever it is ten years full I believe he should be allowed to come back and start doing stand-up because what prison is as you pay your debt to society you've done that now you are welcome back in even though whatever if you if we thought it was so heinous we never want to see you again you put you in jail for life we put you in jail for ten years the victim it sucks what happened it's robbed about you paid your debt now you come back you are allowed to come back I thought about Michael Vince when his time I feel didn't want him in the league no he did his time that's the whole point of the [ __ ] prison sentence is now I can return right if you felt like an especially if you felt like I can be paroled or I can be let out whatever then you've decided I'm rehabilitated appoint of even letting me out of prison then most you know soap that's what I just said no it's not because you guys helped almost the woke people know no I know but you don't tell them is you got to be like your issue is not necessarily with Cosby or Michael Vick here your issues with the justice system so you need a lobby the justice system to make the punishment for killing dogs or fighting dogs more the punishment for raise well I think I don't think there's any of us in here that wouldn't agree that you could punish rate by the highest yep thing in the law you'd kill him I don't give a [ __ ] life sure really but if the punishment for the crime is 10 years or whatever it is and they do that you have to let them back you have to go to their show no absolutely not you have to go to go you don't have to do anything but they shouldn't be blackballed anymore and that's my father Louis and that's what we get into this weird thing where he was a trial by Twitter cuz he didn't actually commit a crime oh they hadn't pressed charges ever they depress our charge and so why was he flat why was he why was he outlawed ever why was he out whatever it's it's a mob mentality you know what I mean he didn't do anything that our governing system says that he should be tired suicide believe is about Louis and Aziz and Aziz did it more I think Aziz was like woke Bay that's what they called him he's the old guy Louie there was a pious naseeb out Louie that was like oh I'm a great father I'm this great guy always on the right side of everything morally and I think when you see that guy [ __ ] up you're like oh well you extra and that's why those guys fell the hardest sure if you found out I said if Schultz got accused of the same thing as these everybody be like yeah of course really good Andrews house yeah that's what it is yeah yeah yeah he would just go long live the fragrance yeah if you say some racist [ __ ] everybody can be like of course Chris whole-brain I say wild [ __ ] if you mean yes people of that truth you know many times like people I'll say something [ __ ] nuts like some Asian person will say hey GU Qing COFF was funny to me yeah the only time I've ever gone somebody the only time in my whole career that I've ever gotten somebody angry at me has been a white woman for course you white women have gotten angry about things that I've said when I did that show the ultimate Beastmaster was only white women or white men there goes Fung Wong into the duck sauce song it to the daughters oh yeah because the Asians are like this is ten out of ten you know so it's always white women trying to [ __ ] white knight it and it's like you're you're the most racist as we said in the beginning yeah so I know I'm aware of that so now I'm just very much like shut up but that's why I think having a child is like I'm not trying to sit there and think about ways to tweet at somebody I hate cuz I'm like I have to [ __ ] watch wreck-it Ralph for the third time and make sure my point doesn't stick our hand in the nutribullet a great great movie Sarah Silverman know what else we didn't finish is what would you guys do bak angel we conveniently didn't answer that question yeah I think that for the next one yeah we'll get back there yeah guys thank you so much for coming on make sure you check out Yanis is special it's on YouTube right now he finally fix a thumbnail and it looks way better it's actual arias thing that's gonna do it well I think it helps because now people at least know what they're clicking on true it's all about the advertisement right if you're advertising a movie but it doesn't look like a movie then people are gonna go see it alright I gave it a try that's the thing I realized about you you will [ __ ] do the work yeah you will do it any amount of work I mean you will not put any time whatsoever into what works and what doesn't yeah your your whole days like I will throw [ __ ] against the wall and if it sticks I'll [ __ ] Rome etcetera yeah but what I think is valuable is going alright what's sticky and then throw that yeah yeah against the wall yeah do you own say yeah but it's hard to know yeah I mean it's hard to know what sticky and until you [ __ ] up then you [ __ ] up you're like oh that doesn't work on me try that yeah but you can you can you can sit down you can think about things you can create theorems you know your people are good at that and you can figure out how to use those to make it work every single time be like Pythagoras bro yeah yeah yeah yeah anyway I love you make sure you checkout history hyenas guys go give it a listen great podcast Chrissy d go check Chrissy on Kimmel and mom city it's gonna be good it's gonna be really good love you guys man love you bad case one of people I know that we didn't get to any hot topics today flagrant thoughts etc but we had the hyenas boys on and you know the flagrancy is palpable palatable palpable palpable palpable well it's whatever it is patreon we won't come through with it very excited got a lot of things that we need to discuss we got to talk about that Izzy fight you know man dude we got to talk of matter of fact we should give is he a call we got to give Izzy a call let's see if he's around he's available if he's still in the states but yeah we got to talk about that fight we got a lot of other interesting thing to talk about so we will see you guys Friday for patreon we love y'all we hope y'all enjoyed the episode make sure you keep it tight peace [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Flagrant 2

Views: 384,518

Rating: 4.840261 out of 5

Keywords: andrew schulz, andrew schultz, comedy, comedian, stand up, flagrant 2, sports, entertainment, pop culture, commentary, comedy club, near me, jokes, interviews, akaash singh, kazeem famuyide, real life kaz, kaz, alexxmedia, alexx media, alex media

Id: p7S3d0o1Mek

Length: 99min 54sec (5994 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 11 2020