Kallmekris Top Tiktok Compilation | JUL - SEP 2021

[Music] hey you want to go out somewhere with me no well maybe we can go to the movies or something oh my you're like a needy little baby i don't want to be seen with you get out hey um i was going to go to the mall or something do you want to go with me uh i'm kind of busy i can take you to taco bell too my treat i'm your only friend aren't i yeah sad yeah i'll go with you cool hello thanks for watching riley ma no problem but are you really going out dressed like a gta stripper how do you know what gta is your father's therapist told them to play to let out some pet up aggression he's not bullied yeah but don't worry you don't have anything to worry about you don't have a dateline face a dateline face yeah you know the girls that always end up on dateline the smile always lights up a room and they're always so nice and could stop traffic with their good looks so you're saying i'm ugly i'm saying the only traffic that you're going to stop is divorced men in the 50s driving by looking for a good time thanks mom goodbye hello my little ravi how are you mama let me watch juan order anymore oh well that's understandable yeah cause that show was all fiction you need to be watching true crime like dateline really okay yeah you gotta learn how to not trust anybody early because you you got a daylight face nice place yeah totally oh my god what it's that guy from the other night that i told you about the one that yeah and then yep that's the guy okay stop sit down sit down it's fine it's it's fine oh oh okay so what he did is fine then i guess second-degree murder is fine okay so i'm just gonna what are you gonna do kill him with a spoon i can try shut up sit down seriously let's just pretend he doesn't exist fine great and we could do that by making him simply not exist chris i'm just going to talk to him no i'm just going to talk to him no you're just going to talk to him chris i'm just going to un-alive what what's up your waste of oxygen hey there mom what are you doing up it's like 3 a.m um the only excuse i'll allow for you waking me up at 3 a.m is the fact that it's the witching hour and you're either already possessed or the demons figured out that you're already one of them it's 3 p.m oh what oh i don't even remember going to bed last night are you experiencing an amnesia gap what no how do you know what that is that's what detective benson on juan order said the murderer experienced before she killed her husband why are you watching law and order you woke me up last night and told me to watch it with you seriously i don't remember any of that i gotta lay off the melon that's also what the murderer said on the stand okay we're not gonna repeat anything that happened last night or today to anyone okay fresh start that's also what the murderer said to her accomplice on the security tapes okay no more law in order for you hey hey you awake oh what the hell oh i'm so sorry i didn't mean to wake you but now that you're up could i ask you something no go to sleep it's like it's really important what i hate you hey guess what song i'm humming [Music] hmm [Music] [Laughter] yeah yeah totally would come with like a really cool band name or something yeah totally i don't know yeah right yeah would you do quiet down [Laughter] your mom and i thought it'd be a good idea to spend some quality alone time with each other's kids so what do you guys want to do you want to see a movie da maybe uh we could see space jam fit this child's movie da what about fast and furious da no that's rated like pg-13 you guys are four but we do have iq of someone that is 16 so that's basically a piss yeah no nice try fine we will just tell all about that you don't care about our family [Music] fine i wonder how katrina is holding up [Applause] riley do you have a death wish no you will take from vulnerable points from behind not the front run it again okay so jeremy is having a party at his house this saturday amazing oh my god yes oh nice oh what time does it start though because i just want to make sure there's enough time to do the weekend chores you know our parents make us do chores on saturday morning before we can do any weekend activities what yeah never never mind okay anyway i was thinking that we could get ready at about nine to go to home from the party nice good call cause curfew is at nine yeah to go to the party no i'm just joshing his his parents are gonna be there though right no oh but it's a boy girl party right yeah and it's byob so oh bring your own board game nice i just picked up this new version of katan and monopoly so oh my god i'm kidding i know what byob means great so do you guys want to sneak out around you know what i just i remembered i actually have something that night so oh my chris you can either choose to be a loser or you can choose to sneak out and have fun you know what britney i choose life i'm out oh i'm so glad i share everyone for riley's art gallery field trip they even given away food like they do at the costco i'll be right back all right kids we are in the german artist gunther's gallery today it's just gunter no last name and last name so overrated beyonce queen antoine name is superior green is a band why is this tiny human asking stupid questions that wasn't the question come come i'll show you my work first up is this one it is called caged bananas wow so there's a probably a deeper meaning behind this that most likely an analogy for mother nature feeling trapped right gunther no it's just bananas i put in a cage you know i have been compared to other artists beethoven picasso leonardo da vinci and trudeau say who moving on miss amy is going to hear a man or a woman oh riley it's not polite and man woman extraterrestrial illumines and godlike being is fine okay i don't like labels would you put the label on pill bottle no i just simply am thanks for coming to talk to us chad though we appreciate it yeah for sure but before you say anything i know bex is a good babysitter and all but i need this part-time job because starbucks just laid me off because i was giving out free drinks to the chicas and i may or may not have possibly passed out on the strawberry's counter from a sugar high eating my own concoction of cake pop sugar cookie milk and frappuccino with extra caramel chisel this is not why you are here and i may have worked under the influence of the devil's lettuce on one occasion okay okay 17 occasions but that doesn't mean i'm not a good babysitter chad this is not about your babysitting capabilities okay but i'm a little concerned now i have some questions it is fine we wanted to tell you we are together like yeah like you're gonna get rid of me together well listen i know what katrina keeps in the third drawer of her dresser okay i can't go out like that man what you were in my dresser you specifically said i couldn't go in that drawer don't worry about it chad we're saying we're seeing each other what oh okay cool about time i am honored i'm the first one that you told you are actually the last to know what after all i've done for you i'm your kid's babysitter it's pending now can't believe this man oh we know you can't keep a secret chad we know you would have told everybody before we had a chance to wow so that's what you think of me what's that right after you told me i blasted the group chat see that and i may have tweeted it oh oh bex is here i'll get it what oh my god she's here quick how do i snow like fishy crackers and anxiety yeah he does my love for bex is still immeasurable i need to impress her do you guys have any ex body spray bex thanks for coming over to take care of the kids yeah no problem my band you're not my dad's cake got cut short because the place lit up oh i got a little too rowdy or or lit as a kid saying no the place literally went up in flames oh oh dear god stop that why are you smiling my therapist told me i should try to smile more no no don't do that usually people smile when they're happy or something funny happens and given the information you just gave me you probably shouldn't be doing that i thought it was kind of funny she said smiling made me look more approachable yeah no it makes you look more like you're gonna bust your head through my front door and say here's johnny okay i'm going to keep my cool yeah it is that normal duh and just don't see anything stupid alright kids i'll see you later have fun with backs hey did you know that 43 of your total cells in their body are actually you and the other half is just foreign viruses fungi and bacteria that's funny here's your guys's food oh thanks thank you oh damn what i asked for no cilantro but there's cilantro oh i'll just call the waitress back over we'll send it back no why it's fine it's i it's fine what do you hate cilantro it's no big deal for the love of god please stop it's no big deal yes it is okay you call the waitress over okay she comes over i tell her she screwed up my meal now she's embarrassed she hates us okay she goes back to the kitchen she tells jimmy the lion cook who screwed up my meal to recook my meal okay he was on strike two with his manager and now he's fired okay so he goes home to his pregnant wife and his toddler timmy right and he has to tell them that he's fired now okay he was also two-year sobriety and now he's back to the drink this is getting kind of dark fast forward two months his wife's had the baby but jimmy's drunk all the time so she leaves him listen and now timmy the toddler grows up without a dad he's an adult and he has nothing but resentment for his father but why does he have that resentment kendra because of cilantro karen at the restaurant 20 years previous where his dad got fired okay so now he grows up and now his sole purpose in life is to find cilantro karen aka me and kill me are you done yes i am done and i'm gonna eat this cilantro filled meal so timmy can grow up with a dad okay how's everything tasting so good great you need therapy yeah i know finally mom what i don't want to nap come on mommy needs some alone time you need a nap i'll let you watch whatever you want when you wake up okay dayline anything but dateline birthday okay okay you know you should really be locking your doors where did you spawn from you don't want the next turd bundy to just be waltzing in here or an overbearing new filter mother who's probably late for a colonoscopy what nothing where's dad i just left him in the car with the windows correct he's listened to his meditation music his therapist told them to listen to [Applause] okay well i'm trying to have a peaceful afternoon good for you with no distractions you deserve it alone you got it i'm not even here hey what are you doing up i just put you down for a nap you never specified duration of time loophole nice one come and watch some dateline with you nona no good hey janet reschedule my colonoscopy oh my god who is that i don't know ah it looks like karen is here oh my god what the hell does she want who knows you want to play rock paper scissors to see who gets to argue with her sure rock paper scissors grenade launcher you can't just make up you you know what i don't even care she's all yours thank you karen to what do i oldest displeasure katrina i see you chose to walk here instead of flying in on your broom nice no i'm here because one of the other duty moms at school informed me that your boys weren't including my son hunter in their recess activities and instead made him go play with that sarcastic wino mom's daughter riley and her adults hey that is miss sarcastic wino to you why don't i call my boys so they can explain yeah how about you do that boys da da mother explain why you did not let hunter play with you two at recess oh simple we are playing playground warfare tactics as one does that and hunter opted out of playing with us so he decided to play dolls with riley pretty much yeah simple explanation well they're obviously lying right hunter see you rendered him speechless just tell riley to keep her dolls away from my son i can speak it's all a facade really the more my mother assumes i'm shy or illiterate the less she feels the need to converse with me which is good because she is insufferable as for the playground situation why would i play silly messy aggressive games with the boys when i can have a sport of tea with riley barbie and ken we have very constructive intelligent conversation it's true yes oh damn it chris hey what's going on man hey i forgot to grab potatoes at the store so i gotta go but the oven's preheating the chicken needs to go in for about 20 minutes check it if it's not ready put it in for a few more okay love you i put the chicken in the microwave wait what you'll be fine oh my god i can't store this how long did she say 20 hours i don't know how to cook breasts delete history i'm gonna set the house on fire how does one know when the chicken is done so they just run away how'd it go the chicken is raw and i called 9-1-1 for help oh my god are we there yet ah oh we're going to be late how are you going to be late going to the park we have business to attend to oh what business who gets to go down the slide first or who gets pushed off the slide first what nothing okay can you guys just play the quiet game or something oh that is best game what are you doing why are you guys putting socks in your mouth that is quiet game you put sock and mouth whoever spits out last wins five dollars i have gone days with sweet sweet silence and it only cost me five dollars i i don't know if that's morally okay katrina it's voluntary i don't make them do it i just bribe them okay let's play something else okay i spy sure how can we play i spy if we do not have paintball guns what kind of ice spy you playing with pink you know i don't know hey you wanna come play nintendo with me no come on oh my god just beat it i'll beat you yeah i could easily overpower you you want to see power hear those footsteps so mom yeah and i say we got about 10 seconds before she comes in here and i tell her you roundhouse kicked me in the face what no or maybe i caught you smoking the devil's wettest and you beat me to shut me up you're insane maybe two seconds left [Music] okay i'll play with you what happened what did you do nothing mother i just twipped oh okay if you say so carry on you can't unplug my controller when we're playing fine and i get to be mario no what that's mine too no okay okay fine that's what i thought [ __ ] psycho oh i'm so glad i share everyone for riley's art gallery field trip they even given away food like they do at the costco i'll be right back uh all right kids we are in the german artist gunther's gallery today it's just gunter no last name and last name so operated beyonce queen antoine name is superior queen is a band why is this tiny human asking stupid questions that wasn't the question come come i'll show you my work first up is this one it is called caged bananas wow so there's a probably a deeper meaning behind this da most likely an analogy for mother nature feeling trapped right gunther no it's just bananas i put in a cage you know i have been compared to other artists beethoven picasso leonardo da vinci and a woman oh riley it's not polite and man woman extraterrestrial aluminus and god like being isa is fine okay i don't like labels would you put the label on pill bottle no i just simply am hey dude hey have you had one of these apples uh no not yet why it tastes like that dentist office we used to go to when we were like 10. what pass me one yeah here thanks the dentist office by the hospital you're not the one by the mall with that really creepy dentist oh the one where he always hit on mom and gave us nasty flavored lollipops yeah that is exactly what this tastes like right thanks for bringing the boys and diamond kettle it's been a while oh yeah we took a trip down south to go see the boy's father he's been so locked up oh yeah with work and stuff oh in jail what oh don't worry it was just for theft oh of a minor league baseball collectible it was one of a kind oh you need to work on where you pause in your sentences oh a collectible oh that's not so bad yeah an international tax fraud nice seeing you comrades stop hey ain't no thing yeah yeah so where's that little cute blondie yeah texas and i got a bet going to see which one of us can get her first what i said texas he heard what you said i think he's just trying to refrain from putting you in an untimely grave or he is constipated either way i would not stick around hey chris can you pass me some apple juice please oh yeah sure here thanks don't worry i'll get it there we thanks who are you it's your brother me jacob what the [ __ ] okay young man that's enough screen time now no let me finish oh [ __ ] we got a live one huh oh no listen here young man no you listen oh my god he wants an early funeral he'll be okay if he backtracks and apologizes though i hate this place so what kind of flowers do you think he wants at his funeral i don't think he's getting a funeral at this point if that was one of us would be lucky to get cremated and a bonfire outback true yeah fine 20 more minutes yay what the [ __ ] are you kidding me where's the justice where's the repercussion you didn't even give him a 1 2 3 count oh you guys are so dramatic if that was one of us we'd be practicing handshakes with the grim reaper oh yeah whatever are you serious oh cute little [ __ ] [Music] you

Channel: Kallmekris

Views: 6,895,246

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Id: 4ZYziZg8LBc

Length: 24min 38sec (1478 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 15 2021