Bruce Willis duro na queda | Roast no Comedy Central

come out to the rose we'll get together and have a few laughs if you're a fan of bruce willis movies and i know that you are then you know how this works i get the [ __ ] beat out of me for about an hour and a half and then at the end i come back and whip everybody's ass ow so buckle up [ __ ] this is ass whooping time that's what i'm talking about you know in my action movies there's always some young punk trying to come at me and tonight it's judas gordon levitt joe i took you under my wing tried to make you tough try to make you an action star which ain't easy to do with the kid who looks like the bad boy of figure skating [Applause] joseph played a younger me in looper couldn't pull it off there's only one actor who successfully played me it was to me more and she made a lot more money than you did sweetheart jeff ross how many of these roasts have you done you'll never get successful doing the same thing over and over and over jeff i mean i did but you can't i'll tell you who's a badass up here and that is my buddy edward norton get the [ __ ] up here fight club was the perfect movie for you who doesn't want to watch ed norton get punched in the face for about 90 minutes i love you ed i do but you do have a rep in this town for being you know hard to work with norton's rubbed more people the wrong way than harvey weinstein sorry but you were great in the italian job italian job is also when you titty [ __ ] damirera florell song and get out man i love that movie if you haven't seen it it's about how black people are really rude houseguests and now i want to take on the toughest person up here my friend ex-con martha stewart yeah baby if anyone can survive in prison it's someone who can toss a salad that's right martha's a real corporate kingpin she even has her own brand of wine it's like her boyfriend it comes in an old box martha is also a humanitarian when she heard about the kids at the border living in tiny cages she sent them sewing machines what's wrong with that kevin [ __ ] welcome to the party pal you owe your whole career to the guys you impersonate you've made more money doing schwarzenegger than his maid and not to mention you're better at cleaning houses nikki glazer i am a big fan you and vince vaughn were great in wedding crashers i see it i see it sorry you know civil shepherd my oldest friend there's people i've known longer but you are my oldest friend when i got cast in moonlighting they picked me over 3000 other actors because they wanted someone who didn't have a sexual history with sybil so great to be back on tv with you honey and another show starring me [Laughter] [Applause] sorry and finally it's so great to have the esteemed diplomat dennis rodman here i don't want to say dennis is a bad negotiator but he thinks a shoe deal is when you get two at the same time venice how do you and kim jong-un communicate when neither of you speak english dennis i know you think it's a big deal that you saved the world but it's not as much as it's made up to be who cares i've saved the world 18 times nothing can keep me down i've been attacked by terrorists asteroids film critics music critics restaurant critics divorce lawyers male pattern baldness and none of it none of it stopped me because i am still bruce [ __ ] willis people ask me why i did this first was it because one of the last guys who did it became president hell no why would i want to be president when i can just keep being bruce [ __ ] willis i did this rose for one reason and for one reason only to settle something once and for all now please listen very carefully die hard is not a christmas movie it's a goddamn bruce willis movie so a yippie kaye to all of you [ __ ] good night

Channel: Comedy Central Brasil

Views: 17,906

Keywords: Comedy Central, Comedy Central Brasil, Humor, Comédia, Comediante, Roast, Roast no Comedy Central, Bruce Willis

Id: r04SxIhHZK8

Length: 6min 37sec (397 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 24 2020