Jim Gaffigan's Hilarious Best Moments | Prime Video

ladies and gentlemen Jim Gaffigan I'm mostly healthy I worked out today I know I don't need to uh when I'm home in New York City I work out at the Chinatown YMCA and I realize when people hear the Chinatown YMCA they think oh that's not like a serious place to work out and it's not not at all it's mostly little kids learning how to swim and really old Chinese people with their parents I get to travel so much doing stand-up I did a show in Cologne Germany and before the show I was walking over this bridge that went across the Rhine River and as I walked across I noticed there were hundreds of locks hundreds of locks on this bridge and each of the locks had two initials and it was apparent the couples had put their lock there as a symbol of their relationship and I looked it and I thought that's perfect nothing captures love like a rusty padlock moose have you seen him I saw a moose in person I mean or in Moose I'm a person who saw a moose and I tell you I don't I don't feel like I was ready I don't know how big I thought a moose was gonna be but I was way off I was I was out I was it was huge and I feel like I should have been warned like someone should have been like you might see a moose get ready sometimes when people find out I have five kids they think I'm good at parenting which is kind of like assuming people with lots of cats are not crazy I have no idea what I'm doing and there's no learning learning curve it's not it's not you can apply to another one because kids are annoying they're like individual humans their own interests it's kind of fun tracking the North Korean missile program right they're like North Korea has missiles that can reach Alaska oh my gosh Alaska well I don't know anyone that lives in Alaska has missiles that can reach the West Coast oh my gosh the West well I don't go there that often North Korea has missiles that can reach the East Coast well we gotta do something about this invited to a surprise birthday party it was a surprise birthday party for a dog that's right I have friends that are mentally ill it was in my apartment building and I needed the material and to be fair the dog was surprised if Doug didn't know it had a birthday you just like I discovered I wasted a hundred bucks new information mine just said dude you're white it's your very white I hope you feel guilty they didn't even break out my nationality they just highlighted all the British aisles like you're trash from here wherever people need sunscreen I had my appendix removed in Alaska that's not why I went there with my family and I had this sharp pain in my abdomen and since I'm a genius my first thought was oh I pulled a muscle in my stomach that's what I sincerely thought see all these muscles foreign doing nothing you know the devil you know it wasn't all bad you know devil did some good things you know he he went down to Georgia he did that and yeah he uh you know he was an advocate he was The Devil's Advocate don't forget about those deviled eggs those are tasty I do try I try to be a good dad my wife and I we try to be good parents we try so hard not that you'd be able to tell like if you met one of my sons you might think oh wow Jim decided not to parent this one what did he feed him in a cage we tried try and get our sons to see this dinner table like humans it's not in their nature I have to admit I'm a little disappointed by the uh number of Tim Hortons in town there's some but you go to you go to some cities in Canada and the number of Tim Hortons uncomfortable you could drive by the fifth one and you're like uh is this a Tim Hortons theme park are we sure they're only selling coffee and donuts tumors compared to fruit they're they're sometimes they're compared to balls like a golf ball or a softball but the surgeon looked at me and thought I'm going to stick with food I got a better shot of this fat understanding around but it was scary we have five children and there were moments when I was like oh my gosh if anything happens to my wife those five kids are going to be put up for adoption I did have an opportunity uh to go on a safari which was unbelievable it was breathtaking how bad the Wi-Fi was the word for animal stalking before you follow animals and watch them you're like beautiful what do we really know about massage therapists they like to rub strangers for money while they listen to The Avatar soundtrack that's a red flag those are the traits of a serial killer I don't horseback ride mainly because I prefer to be comfortable and it's not the 1800s sure the horses aren't thrilled either like why am I carrying you around I saw you drive up in a Honda Civic it's crazy in Newfoundland everything it's like a Newfoundland uh what time zones do you want to be in the same time zone as the maritimes we'll go a half hour earlier worldwide time zones are done by the hour we'll go half hour it's not more enjoyable you're always seated next to a naked 80 year old man oh God I get to sweat next to someone's Grandpa who's only wearing a hand towel [Music] this is in Rome I just look around the center like wow so this is why we wear clothes huh Acacia I will perform in a city I've never been I did a show in Rochester Minnesota I'd never been so I asked my cab driver I was like is there anything I should know about Rochester and he said oh yeah we got a really cool Bell Tower and I thought oh wow so there's nothing I was like oh a bell tower interesting and he's like yeah I could take you there and I was like it's all right I don't want to over stimulate myself and I think every man in here should get a colonoscopy because I had to news you can find out from getting a camera stuck up your butt is learning you didn't need to have a camera stuck up your butt we can just chalk that up one for fun I flew over that transatlantic flight wipes people out people are a mess like I need a day I need a day the flight doesn't sound that hard it's like oh it's brutal I had to sit and watch two movies I felt like I was being waterboarded I need a day flying back three thousand miles seven hours we landed the guy sitting next to me was like I took too long it used to sits amazingly strong and brave during this whole experience for three months after the surgery she couldn't eat solid foods and our friends would send us the most delicious food she couldn't eat so I found myself hiding the food and secretly eating it it's like a whole new eating disorder for me am I supposed to feel shame because I'm helping my wife there was a time when Bells were new which means there were people that were resistant suspicious I don't trust that Bell when they ring I don't cover my ears I don't want the government harvesting my DNA no thank you they're probably people worried about the effects that Bell would have on children you know kids are already distracted now they're ringing that damn bell every hour some kids won't even be able to read a sundial [Music] thank you

Channel: Prime Video

Views: 316,090

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Id: HEjpLpEqMU0

Length: 10min 15sec (615 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 29 2023