Jeff Foxworthy-Redneck Fashion Tips Part 2

Vasia rule number three tattoos are not for everybody when I was a kid the only people that had tattoos were old guys that have been in the Navy you know and there's we're kind of blurry if they do get him tell what they were you staring at it going whit's either a naked woman or Willie Nelson using posthole diggers but it was the old Navy guys in Hells Angels but they had the scary tattoos you know like on their knuckles like love and hate my cousin had that and then one summer he got a job in the carnival and he got his pinkie chopped off now his hands say love hat whoo that's intimidating and I don't have anything against tattoos I don't have one myself if I did it would be right there next to my watch it would say your wife's birthday is August 2nd your anniversary September 18th don't let Ron White Drive your car again oh I'm saying with tattoos is you have to plan ahead just a little bit you know because I think a lot of tattoos are cool when you're young and your skin is taunt but as you get older that skin is going to start sagging you know ladies like that that little hummingbird it's real cute when you're 20 but that bird is going to fly south for the winter and 20 years down the road you don't want your grandkids crying going I don't want to stay with Grandma she's got a buzzard on her back because when their skin starts sagging suddenly that dolphin is a beluga whale and that Rose is Rosie O'Donnell with a mouthful of leaves and something else to think about you know it's going to be real hard for your kids to take you seriously when you tell them say no to drugs and you got a pot plant tattooed to your neck pageant rule number four if you've given birth more than five times a tank top is not an acceptable substitute for a bra there was this lady of the books on it and I don't know what happened to her - cause this particular breast configuration but she had one under each arm she looked like a watermelon delivery boy tank tops aren't good on anybody specially those low-cut words you know if your skin is the color of Cool Whip and you have a mole that looks like an oatmeal pie let that be your little secret guys if you have back titties I didn't know if he would know what I was talking about there you the kind of guys are walking through the mall and nursing babies are going numb none although if your back so hairy you've been shot more than twice with a tranquilizer gun say yes to sleeve I hope Larry is listening to some I there passion roll number five it is okay to wear a t-shirt with nothing written on it I don't know what it is about read Dex we never have to write a resume because you can learn everything you want to know about us by reading our clothes you give me a redneck man's t-shirt drawer I can tell you what kind of truck he drives what radio station he listens to who he roots for in NASCAR what he likes to hunt who his favorite college football team is his philosophy on life and where he went on vacation in the last 21 summers and you gave me his windbreaker I'll tell you what kind of cigarettes he smoked all snow with t-shirts guys if you weigh more than 400 pounds it's not okay to wear a t-shirt that says no fat chicks you ought to be wearing one that says I whipped anorexia zas and do not wear and I'm with stupid t-shirt if you're by yourself if you do well I'd say that's right Vassar rule number six God invented closed toed shoes for a reason why is it the people with the nastiest feet always wear flip-flops you know what I'm done if you have so many corns you have to put up a scarecrow say no to the flip-flop if your toenails are so long you can swoop down on a lake and catch a trout say no to the flip-flop if you have a toenail that's three different colors and none of them are nail polish say no to the flip-flop my next fashion rule this is for some of you younger folks out there if your mother still drives you to school you ain't no gangster pull your pants up the back pockets are your pants should not be behind your knees and I don't know why I have to look at the underwear of every teenage boy in America you know when I was in school if other people could see your underwear it was because two boys had cornered you on the playground and it can't get up the neck which is wise adults most men won't even consider wearing a thong because those are memories we're trying to repress my last fashion role husbands and wives should never dress alike unless you're going to a Garth Brooks concert or a Halloween party

Channel: holyshnikies9

Views: 2,104,778

Rating: 4.8648257 out of 5

Keywords: Jeff, Foxworthy, Redneck, Fashion, Tips

Id: UHBnTHwDSUg

Length: 6min 50sec (410 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 28 2007